Does your mother never give you validation? DM me the word 'HEAL' on instagram if you want to take steps to fixing this. #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealth #therapy #narcissism #narcissists #narcissisticmother #covertnarcissism
While on the phone with my mom, I broke down and told her I was struggling and felt suicidal. Immediately she said a call was coming in and she had to take the call. There was no call. She always dismissed my traumas and mental health but spoke about it to everyone else behind my back. I let it slide for years. I finally cut her off this year. I had enough. Didn't realize she was a narcissist.
@@nmc1859 Thank you. You are so right. I try not to think of her but the pain hits everyday, like a few moments ago. My own mother doesn't care about my life. I need to love myself and grow from this. Thanks again for your kind words. 💚
lol yes like coming over to your house talking about “huh, it’s actually clean for once” 😂 when she is literally a hoarder etc and you have never had that attitude with her or anyone else. Oh, but it was a “compliment” so “why are you just so difficult” lmfao
It's so relatable...the pain was immese and growing up i dint know what I did wrong..walking on egg shells...and now she questions y don't i call her... whenever u call or talk to her .. It's so draining...leaves me feeling hurt for atleast the whole day.
You didn’t do anything wrong. They are so draining. Keep visits short if you can’t go no contact, practice the grey rock approach. Your worth and identity is in God. Let him deal with her and heal you. ❤
I turned 50yrs old on June 15, 2024 and I can positively write that the struggle carries itself well into adulthood life, a neurological wound for which not only we are not responsible for whatever wrong teaching, emotional mental and physical abuse was perpetrated upon us and engrained now into our skulls, we also need to deal with the aftermath and whatever obstacle this trauma has generated. They robbed us of a lot of things not just childhood . Ironically we can only heal by overcoming all this bucket of shit thrown at us and become anything and everything they so skilfully tried to prevent us to be: HAPPY HUMAN BEINGS, something this pathetic narc parents were not.
Why does everyone else have a nice home, just not you two? ??? I took my parents to an older friend's home who had retired from a long mid management position and used the retirement payout to buy a gorgeous home in his hometown. The other house belonged to a relative who had had his own construction company with I don't know how many employees. And his charges to the country for building and maintaining public roads were probably not exactly low. So he had money to build a rather large house. Hubby and I were still living in our university flat. And he was in his second working year. It still hurts after all these years. But don't expect any apologies. (OT) Why do you constantly have to dig out old stuff?
If it makes you feel any better, after we got our home she was happy for us, but she kept mentioning how she wanted to buy a new house in the ritzy area of town and was going to look at them now. I just don’t understand. It’s always a one up.
Thank you for this. I dont remember a single hug or i love you even as a small child., makes you thing whats wrong with me. This helps me realize so much...
If it's any consolation, hugs and I love you's can be used as a form of manipulation too. This can be done by anyone in any kind of relationship, whether parents, friends, or lovers. Even narcissists have personality.
I'm just now realizing why I have so many issues when it comes to perfectionism or looking at my accomplishments and talents as nothing special. My best friend was proud of me for getting my degree in accounting. She asked if I was happy about it, and I shrugged. It didn't feel like an accomplishment. I also found out why I don't like compliments on anything I do. I tear myself down because I'm used to it. So many things make more sense now that I understand who I have been dealing with this entire time.
This is it. Dr Ramani says that it's a kind of theft. You've had the joy of accomplishment taken away from you likely by someone who is jealous of and bitter about you.
Oh my mom everything came with strings attached. That’s how I learned never to ask for anything. BUY she sure as hell asked me for money guilt tripped me, drained my account. I had to file for bankruptcy and WHO was crying? My mom! She had to have her feelings soothed because she knew damned well by manipulating me into buying a home for her and my siblings when I couldn’t afford it, got me there. I’m learning so much of why I am the way I am. And unlearning my god awful people pleasing tendencies.
My harp teacher wanted to hear from my parents on my success as a harpist, because both of them wouldn't say squat. So, I asked my mom, about how I was doing on the harp? Here's what she said, "What do you want accolades?" Boy, did that sting. I found peace of mind after she passed. No more stomach aches!!!!!
Wow, I hope you kept playing the harp because you don’t need her opinion to enjoy something. That hit me about the stomach aches , I grew up with that too.
Never knew a mother’s love. Only Knew a lady that left me in foster care and when I became an adult be jealous and compete with me. She tried to rewrite my childhood to leave out her piss poor parenting like putting drugs and men before her kids. She has this one story of my sister and I running in the house when she pulled up after work because we weren’t supposed to be outside. She never had a job and that never happened. Conveniently leaving out her crack use, revolving door of men, and us never having food. My sister and I wrapped old toys in newspaper to have gifts on Christmas. She fought with my aunt who got custody of us because she wouldn’t give my mom half the foster care check she thought she deserved because we were HER kids😢. She’s blocked from my life because I refuse to live in her false reality while she constantly puts me down while asking for money.
As a child I wanted to go into counseling to help my family. Ironically my family laughed at me. Back then I had no idea why my mom seemed at odds with me so much. Now I have a specific language, she was a narcissist and met the criteria. It helps to understand why
I suggested relationship counselling to my mother and she said (quote) "I'm not the problem. You're the problem." I didn't even know what we were fighting about. She was just raging.
My mom sent my brother to counseling; he was still a child and the therapist said the problem was my mom. My mom refused to join the sessions, got angry at the therapist for saying that, and never sent my brother again.
I'm a senior in highschool and I really want to go to this certain university that's a couple hours away. And I'm really excited at first she was supportive and hyped me up about it but now all she has to say is negative, talking about all the things she thinks I cant handle trying to bring me down like living on campus (without her where she can't boss me around) and finances. And I feel like I have no one to turn to for advice because she herself never went to collage and knowing her she will purposely try not to help to make me feel like I'm making a horrible decision. All I want is for her to support and validate me approaching this milestone. I noticed the past 2 years how much of a narcissist she is, and I try not to let it get me down.
Here's one for ya: I was a teenager, worked very hard to lose 30 lbs before starting back to school, got down to 110 lbs. THEN>>mom just HAD to say "well yeah, but you still got thunder thighs!"
I don’t like wearing makeup or how it feels. If we were going somewhere, she would ask me to put on makeup. When I refused, she would say, “Every old barn could use a coat of paint.” I was in my 20s when she would say this.
I’m so sorry. My mom forbade me from wearing red lipstick. She always had a comment. Now I have every shade and she can’t stop me. Even bright eye makeup I’ll feel good and she’s pulled me aside and told me it made me look old. The exact opposite, they need to put you down.
Yes my own mother tries to put me down all the time. Somehow everything is my fault and she would deny any wrongdoing. When I confronted her she would blow up like a nuclear bomb, never taking any responsibility. She is the most heartless cold and ill temper person I ever known. I suspect she is under demonic control because it’s like there isn’t a soul inside of her.
I sent my mom a copy of my latest album (7 songs that I spent over 15 months of really hard work on). I also sent a copy to my aunts and uncles. I heard very nice feedback and congrats from every single one of her siblings, before she even bothered to listen to it.
I went through a brief phase when I wondered if my mom was a narcissist. Then I got my narc mother in law. There is a VAST difference between a mom who sees your potential and pushes you hard and a soul crushing demon.
I'm not sure what this means like she gives the bad stuff all to the first child or the good attention because I'm the oldest daughter and I'm definitely the scapegoat of the bunch
Ditto. Same here. I get all the crap. My mother is vile to me, trash talks everyone in the family to me, but then is sweet as pie to their faces. She's been telling everyone how over sensitive and crazy I am, using depression against me (the depression she has caused) so now noone believes anything I say. I've been NC for a year and it feels so good. Self confidence is coming back.
Good morning from Mississippi!! I’m 58 now. I didn’t even know what a narcissist actually was until some time after my loving dad passed away in 2013. After learning this, so much made sense to me. I know why my entire life I’ve had no self-esteem, no confidence, a longing for love. I always thought something was wrong with me and that I was always “wrong”. My mother passed 4 yrs ago. I have 1 older sibling who is a mirror image of my mother. Both are full blown narcissists. They both have made mine and my families lives hell. I wish I had known about this many years ago. I’ve lost so many years of my life I’ll never get back. Healing from all this trauma is difficult. I can’t even remember what pure joy feels like. I want that again. Listening to what other people have gone through seems to help. It reminds me that I’m not alone in this world. God Bless!
I remember my mom was fine all week of my graduation but on the day of she yelled at me called me bad names and made me cry and in all the photos of me and my family she was the only one with the most disgusted and huge frown on her face. No congrats from her or nothing
They will never change! They get worse as they age. If you can, move out and away from her. She will only cause you misery. It's very sad and painful but true.
The subtle way my Momster would act like a friend said I was so beautiful if only I lost weight. Yeah of course years later she conveniently doesn't only not remember saying anything like that she outright denies it.
There IS! I’m 47 as well! My mom is terminally ill. I see a therapist and I’m learning why I can’t seem to attract healthy relationships. It really wrecks you as a human. Seek a therapist and you can unlearn so many things that were taught to you. Like valuing yourself. I’m just now learning that’s why I have a hard time knowing what I want. It’s NEVER too late to live your life the way you were meant to live it. It’s a hard journey but it’s enlightening to know it’s NOT you. It’s them. ❤
@@Exorcist364xsyou can't have kids at 47. I support your message and I wish the best for you, but it is important to raise awareness among the population of narcissistic demons and their abuse. These entities belong in jail for life.
Yeah, this. My mum was always going on about how i have to go to uni to be qualified "enough". I got my degree, (even though she tried to stop me), i evem got a masters degree. She didnt come to or acknowledge either of my graduations. I always felt i did those degrees for her and she didnt even appear to care.
Yeah that’s too true for me 😓 I sought validation from social media, work, my doctor (don’t ask lol) but I found validation from being enough for myself and God. And yes, I am valued at last at work. Still not my mum though
And some narc moms aren't subtle. Mine was quick to put me down to her "friends", and even made public spectacles whenever other folks praised me. Absolutely pathetic the depths to which she'd sink in order to dominate the family, every situation we were in. I finally walked away.
Having a narc parent is very hard, especially if you are the scapegoat. Or just the current target. I know how bad it hurts, and how it impacts our self confidence.
Me 2 months ago (talking to my mom in the car): "It's kinda funny how I'm going through all of these big life moments and everyone's talking about their own mundane day or whatever. :) I'm not the center of the universe." My mom: "yea lol." (keeps talking about her garden.) Me now: "...that was trauma..."
Once I went out for lunch with a group of people who happened to be elders at our church. Later I told my mom about it and horror swept over her face as she called for my dad and said " Oh no! Guess who your daughter thinks she's good enough to have lunch with!"
How my mom would address my appearance "you'll do" "you'll pass" and my favorite "at least if you ever get a boyfriend you'll know its not for your looks"
I literally can't tell her Anything because she will mock, denigrate, and ruin it. After I graduated college (i paid for it entirely on my own and merit scholarships) I moved out and tried to avoid telling her Anything I truly care about. She still takes the scraps and spreads nasty pointless rumors and creates insults. My brother is just like her, unfortunately. But subtle she ain't lol. she told me "You look like a stripper" once after I held up the top that She bought me, for xmas. They both take turns calling me selfish for not doing enough for them. For instance, I'm expected to risk my job taking off work to do minor tasks for them like cleaning a basement. When i lost my baby girl i didn't even get a phone call or a hospital visit. I doubt either one even remembers. Both have called me selfish for not having children. They're always telling me to give up or destroy my pets because it gives me less time to spend on them. narcissists are demons that only want your unhappiness.
Many from childhood but most recent from adulthood moved into a one bed flat it was expensive as all rentals are at 700 a month not including bills did my best to make it nice. Her response " its a bit seedy isnt it". Wont help me get on the property ladder. Proved to her a mortgage is less than rent. She chose to take the money equity she has in her mortgage free home and do her own house up instead. Ive been stuck in poverty rental trap for years. Tried to unalive myself due to the circumstances. She knows this still wont help me
My mother thinks that giving gifts to people on their birthdays is absurd. She thinks people should give gifts to their mothers on their own birthdays in order to thank their mothers for giving birth to them. So, even the day that I was born is not about me; it's all about my mother.
“I can’t believe I’m so much older than you all, yet I’m healthiest”. “You know I always wanted a girl.” A repeated message from Mother regarding my two brothers and I….🙄
@@ParteraQuisqueyanayep, a regular thing I’d hear. It actually never clicked until I was older how messed up that was! But then a lot is revealed later on, when we realize what we were dealing with.
@@Groovytunes96 Hi we can help at my company private therapy clinic please drop me an email at info@privatetherapyclinic.com saying you saw this RU-vid video and I’ll link you up with my team to help.
