I don’t know if I’m the only person that thinks like this but has anyone always wondered to themselves once that you no longer need to watch self help and self improvement books videos and channels because your life is already put together and you no longer have anxiety and depression? I’ve gained a lot of knowledge (good and bad) from a lot of self help channels, books and videos from all sources, and I’ve gotten to a point where I just no longer have the need to watch self improvement anymore. I mean really what’s the point? It’s like your still taking lessons from your violin teacher yet you already know how to play violin 100% so what’s the point in continuing it? At some point in my life I had to come to a realization that when you already know how to “self help yourself, you don’t need to watch more “self help” tbh really what’s the point when there is no more point anymore. I’m pulling the plug from a lot of self help channels now, I highly recommend you guys doing it as well, going as far as unsubscribing I mean really cmon it’s the same thing over and over again, especially things that have worked and what haven’t worked for me.
In the words of the late British philosopher Alan Watts: "“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.”"
Personally, I don't find these words particularly compelling or meaningful. The meaning of something highly interpretative like "life" as a concept can't really "just" be what he purports it to be unless you also believe it so, and even then, that belief does not invalidate differing interpretations exactly because it's so interpretative. It's reductive, which is obvious and not an issue by itself, but it is so in an unflattering sort of way, as if it's cutting short further interpretations of what the meaning of life is, just to make an awkward point. The last sentence also strikes me as odd because if nobody felt compelled to "rush around in a great panic" we would still be tribal hunter-gatherers with very little motivation to grow beyond that, or why not, we might not even have achieved our current speciation. Panic, and relatedly, stress and the feeling we need to get things done are useful mechanisms to further ourselves. In that sentence, being in a rush is implied to be a negative, but it's also more fairly seen as a useful consequence of our acknowledgement of time and the restraints it puts on our lives, compelling us to get things done before it's too late.
@@Laolunzuo I don't take the same meaning away from it, in the sense that I think what Watts says is liberating. It is not saying don't pursue, don't dream, don't plan, but what it does is provide a sense of freedom, because the moment you emotionally let go, you can carry on doing these things without all the frustrations or self-loathing or negative emotions or the craving for adulation or approval that might otherwise come with it. You're free to create, but 'succeed' or 'fail', it doesn't matter, even these concepts are mostly based on what you perceive others would consider to be your failures or successes, and you've just internalised it to wield over yourself like a weapon. I also find it liberating when societal rules with their own agendas and goals feel like it is bearing down on me, because there is no ultimate goal to it. We can reinvent the wheel and create variations on things, but it always comes round full circle. Being alive is enough, being alive is great, but then all there is is life and connection to everything around us. Even when we 'die' (sadly a word whose meaning seems largely to be associated with an absolute ending, or a move into nothingness), we're simply going back to whatever it was before we were born; it's a great mystery to us, but a necessary one.
"I don't want to behave in a way that sort of implies that I'm broken." That quote perfectly summarizes my problem with self-help as well. We're all different, as cliché as it sounds. For example, some people are natural early risers and can therefore follow the advice of waking up at 5 am really well. However, for others going to bed and waking up late works best for their well-being, simply because they're wired that way. I think that people use self-help as a shortcut instead of getting to know themselves, and then feel "broken" because they are following rules which were never meant for them.
i think people are using self help the wrong way, looking the answers outside of themselves instead of looking within. that's what self help really means, i believe.
Our circadian rhythm is that of diurnal animals, and over extended periods of time, going to bed late/rising late, and not receiving that morning burst sunlight in your eyes can cause health problems. I do agree that a lot of self-help gurus are phoneys, but there is a lot of science supporting how rising early is an incredibly healthy habit to learn.
@@jamesembrey3100 i guess you might misconceptualize the actual purpose of reading books. books are born for us to gain deep insights and shape our beliefs about the world, not to tell us what we should do or how we should live our life
@@alfredng4442 self help is just a bunch along suggestions, some good, some bad, it’s the READERS responsibility to decide what’s good for them. Reading Mein Kampf doesn’t MAKE you a Nazis, the same way productivity books don’t FORCE you to be neurotically productive. Art is not toxic. WE are toxic. Or in this instance, this guy is toxic, he’s just blaming the books as a scapegoat
@@jamesembrey3100 i guess reading books is still the notion of social construct, which we are in the journey of defining and applying it ourselves. reading might be helpful in your case, but it's not necessarily in others. then it's ok to share your thoughts, not to criticise people for the way they live. you are supposed to get out of your echo chamber and accept the multidimensional viewpoints instead of blindly collecting and proving your one-sided point.
I’m in the exactly same mental space right now. Not forcing myself to be a machine, to always be in a good mood, to be perfect. I’m accepting both good and bad emotions to arise. I’m still trying to accomplish my goals but I accept my failures. It honestly feels really good.
Yes! This is exactly what I have been struggling with. After a period of poor mental health, I began to 'fix' myself, reading many books, finding inspirational quotes on Pinterest and constantly trying to better myself. I did genuinely enjoy this search for myself but after diving into the world of self help so much, my brain felt so so empty. Like there was nothing in my head, like I would always be trying to be better and I'd never be good enough. It is so toxic to me. I went through a stage of journaling a lot and now my brain is purely empty, took away all my curiosity for things other than bettering myself.
IK this is late, but thank you. this is just what I needed. I've been so busy trying to fix myself and heal myself and do all sorts of things solving problems within and your comment made me realize maybe I"m TOO inwardly focused to the point where I''m not curious about life anymore only so i can work on what i need to better within myself so i can achieve my goals and be a better version of me. WHen maybe the better version of me is when I"m curious about life and the world.
The concept of self help in today’s world is constantly trying to “fix” yourself. When in reality it’s less to do with fixing and has more to do with reflecting and embracing your journey as is.
@@nathanieldrew if they’re useful, then why did you blame BOOKS for YOUR overly neurotic implementation? YOU brought the neuroticism to the table. Not the GENRE. Take some accountability.
@@jamesembrey3100 I'd suggest you to calm down take a step back and take some fresh perspective, man. I've read a couple of your comments and you seem to be cemented in this belief that Nathaniel is basically a crappy guy who wants people to think that self-help is complete trash - or at least that's the impression you left on me. While it is not the case, Nat literally all throughout the video mentioned how he got to the point of his realisation and in the end even mentioned that the past him seemed to need all that self-help guidance while you're trying to put a label of "he's just lazy and neurotic". Plus, he explained what it all meant for HIM, how HE felt and feels now about living a rigid life. And I do believe that this guy actually is a quite accountable and responsible guy so I don't see this argument here either. It's not like he even once said: "Guys, self-help is trash, let's cancel this part of the world" Could you explain your point of view to me? Because I just can't seem to understand why sharing his emotions and journey with the world are supposed to be a clear sign of the quote I wrote above and you seem to do so. I'm genuinely curious, there's not a single spot of sarcasm in all of it, really. Or am I getting you wrong?
Absolutely love this take. And I love the balanced approach that you always seem to demonstrate. You didn't demonize self help, you simply moved past the stage of using it to 'fix yourself'. We are not broken 💪🏻
@@deinisperez3838 On my own, the point of some habits that self-help provides are the positive benefits that have in everyone's health. The point is not changing who you are. And if you don't agree, I suggest you the Hubermann Lab Channel where he explains the benefits of meditation, exercise, cold showers and more.
NATHANIEL, this is so refreshing and quite frankly, empowering. You’ve articulated something that I didn’t even know I’ve been struggling with. A bit of self-improvement here and there obviously doesn’t hurt, but once you feel bad for not doing something you feel like “you have to do” that’s when it becomes problematic. I feel like the core habits / routines I do keep have become effortless- because they simply make me feel good, but I’m okay if I miss a day or two. And that’s the thing, constant self-help / self-improvement can actually add more friction to our lives bc we feel bad if we don’t follow through on a certain habit or thing. We don’t need to be constantly optimizing or as you said “fixing” ourselves.
We learn as children to “correct” all the time our behavior to be “a better person”. Takes a lifetime to unlearn that and eventually (re)love ourselves for what we are.
@@jamesembrey3100 I think it does not imply to not being a good person, but just to be conditioned to behave properly. That can lead to misery, because if we are conditioned to function and behave as children, so no shame comes to our parents, then we are afraid to check our borders and overstep a bit sometimes. Which is important, because otherwise you are conditioned to let other people step into your bubble and still behave properly, even if they treat you wrong. That is why I started martial arts as a philosophical journey, because I wanted to learn how to defend my bubble against people overstepping my borders uninvited. Now being over 40 years old with over 20 years of martial arts experiences, I am finally at a point, where my bubble is safe and I made myself free from this condition as a child to behave all the time without questioning. So behaving is something different, than good manners (my manners are excellent). You can be a good person with good manners, still being free of this condition as a child to be good and behave (like a well trained dog)
@@jamesembrey3100 it’s more arguing against the self-culpability and self-hate from trying to be better. The mentality behind. “I’m not productive enough at work, so I’m a bad enployee”, “I’m not tall enough so I’m ugly” “I’m not perfect enough, so I have to perfect myself”, all that negative self talk because we learn that what we are is not good enough. I pursue greatness of course, but in terms of emotional serenity and not by obsessing over “getting better” to fit what authority as a child subjectively dictated me is good.
I can defo relate to the self-help journey: wanting to become something that you're not, having a path laid out that'll supposedly get you there, and then realizing that what you really wanted was to accept yourself for who you are.
I'm struggling with this too. I read Atomic Habits recently and think that it's a much better approach to making changes than most "get your shit together" books. It made me aware of a lot of things and why I have barriers to them, and why other things come easily and naturally. Since then I have been more interested in the idea of systems instead of goals, but I am also wary of systems becoming a goal. Anyhow, cool to see you're on a new journey and I will continue to follow. Here's to more curiosity!
I‘m also reading Atomic Habits right now and I have to say I see the added value in it compared to the other Self-help Books.I like the fact of having Systems and Healthy habits as an expression of self love and not in order to reach a specific goal.
Funny... I just had an almost-argument with a dear friend of mine. She is a designer who suffered from severe depression and burnout a few years ago. Her passion, which she had turned into her job, had turned into the main part of the hustle. After lots of therapy and ups and downs, she felt kinda good for a while now. She's now self-employed. This year she finally found her love for drawing again. And today she wrote that she needs to push herself to paint at least one picture a day, so she gets better at it. She did not understand, why I wasn't pleased to hear that. Why can't we just enjoy what we're doing just for the sake of doing it? Why do we HAVE to get better? Why can't getting better just be a nice side-effect? There is enough pressure in everyday life... why do so many add to this by looking at the things they like or love in a way that makes it seem like it's not okay the way it is?
Thats true but sometimes you have to schedule what you love into your life or it'll fall to the wayside! Projects like that have been super fulfilling for me but yeah maybe like a 30 day challenge?? A year is not sustainable
@@Jay-pj5tg Schedule is perfectly alright in my eyes. But she was using words like "pressure" "must" etc. - just because she thinks she *needs* to get better at it. Instead of simply doing it, because she loves it. In my experience there should be no "must", if you are happy with what you're doing... only "want". In the most positive way. And when there are more pressing matters to take care of and you have to find an hour, or so, a day to do what makes you happy - then, I am quite sure, you will look forward to this time every day. So in the end it might take time from your busy day, but it will add so much more to your life.
@@SeiichirouUta yes that is totally true. And it depends on the person, for example some of my friends do that kind of "challenge" to themselves but I know its a red flag of self destructive behaviour. They feel like they arent good enough and this will finally change that. Which is just soooo unhealthy so I totally feel you
Learn: not everything that we love we'll love doing any time. And sometimes we still have to do it. I am a musician. If I want to become better I have to practice everyday. The better I become, better I can enjoy playing. it's like: "If my future me wants to enjoy more when playing, my present me must practice." The "pressure" and the "must" is not to make you 100% productive, it's to push yourself forward in the moments where you would just "do nothing".
@@MrDavi2751 As someone who is also a musician (an amateur, but still), I agree. It takes time and energy and obviously you want to be better, but at the end of the day (at least for me) it's also just a lot of fun.
You just put into words why I never felt really good about self-help, bullet journals, routines, etc. I think these things are useful tools when used in a balanced and healthy way. But once it becomes an obligation, an obsession, once you start feeling bad for not doing these particular things everyday, this is when it actually get toxic. We all need a bit of self-discipline in our lives as well as spontaneity, we need to make plans, but also let ourselves be surprised by life. As you said, we are irrational and emotional creatures, not machines. Thank you so much for this video, you've addressed a really important issue, and it will definitely help a lot of people, me included ! I'm sending you love from New Caledonia
life can stay like that, at times, not just because you are 19, evenso, life is always worth it : ) and every day has its gifts. sending a hug for when you need it, from 35 years away (i am 56).
Hugs to you. I am 33, but I can agree: life is sometimes not easy to understand. For me, my leading principle is: find the balance. Because, usually if you do something in the extreme, it starts to be harmful. Like, if you don't want to learn anything and change anything that's not good. But if you chase perfection and constantly push yourself, mercilessly, ruthlessly, that's also toxic. We should do things in moderation and find the balance, the healthy amount of ambition to improve and the healthy amount of self compassion (not to think "I am better than everyone" but not hating yourself either). It is so interesting, even medical plants are often cures for diseases in moderation, but toxic in overdose. Another important thing is, create your safe haven in life. There must be something you can turn to. Like, for me, books and nature are a safe haven. Even when I worked abroad and felt lonely, my books accompanied me everywhere, and I could observe and spend time in nature everywhere. It is good if you have safe persons too, but unfortunately sometimes the people we trusted most leave us in the ditch, so it is good to have a plan B.
I think it's a bit of a generalization to say "self-help tells us this." "Self-help" can be very different, a lot of books that are considered "self-help" talk about acceptance, self-love and not about how to constantly be better. Also I think most people anyways have that feeling of "when I reach this, then...." and it has nothing to do with self-help. It's just how we work. Some people try to chase materialistic things, that make them feel like they are progressing in life, others are trying to improve their habits, others are working/studying hard...etc I'm not sure I agree that it's self-help that makes us feel like we are "not enough". It more so comes from our childhood, how we are brought up etc and self-help is just one of MANY ways how people are trying to reach the "I'm enough" state.
I think self-help can definitely become addictive though, and suddenly you're following the accounts of motivational speakers and these 'mindset' pages that ultimately do tell you what is acceptable or not. I'm listening to an audiobook called 'Happy sexy millionaire' and the guy talks about when people ask these deep questions or make these statements about 'Finding your purpose' and how he dislikes it. Because really, it's not a question that has an answer nor really needs one. Realistically, our purpose is just being who we are, as we are, recreating and dying. Our purpose you could then argue is to 'find what makes us happy' but being happy isn't a static state, it's a fleeting emotion that we could spend ages chasing and never havie it fully in our grasp because we don't always know what will make us 'truly happy'. Because what even is being 'truly happy'? It sometimes is just in the now, in the moment that was a totally unplanned event/experience, but for some people, they need it to be like a check point. However that being said, that comes with accepting to become content with how life can be and that can take self-help books and stuff to get to this point, which is what I believe the video to be about. I don't think he's slamming it, but just pointing out how he's recognised he no longer needs to keep doing it :)
@SELF CARE MIDLIFE EMPOWERMENT Yess, I agree with you! At some point I was into "motivation-productivity" side of self-help, but through years it transformed into just figuring out who I am, self-love etc..the term is really broad, I personally think you can "get brainwashed" by everything if you get too obsessed with it :) Have a nice weekend, too!
THANK YOU!! I feel a lot of RU-vid Vloggers are attacking the self-help market lately by narrowing it's concept into the toxic world the big self-help gurus created. Self-help certainly isn't the enemy, and not every book in the market has been created to brainwash and manipulate you into investing in their world.
Love your journey so much man. After years of overworking myself into stress, anxiety, and panic attacks-trying to track all of my habits in a bullet journey, religiously reading self-help books, trying to change who I was to find fulfillment or happiness-I've realized over the last year that the goal shouldn't be "what will make me happy, all the time," because that's impossible. Emotions coexist within us, so the goal should really be to eliminate that question from our minds entirely. The goals have shifted towards being more playful, peaceful, and present. And, wow, the pace of life has really slowed down and I'm enjoying life so much more.
AMAZING VIDEO. Yeah, the truth is, if you are seeking out self-help material, you believe your life is 'not good enough' or that you are lacking in some area of life. That's not always a bad thing, because, if we always felt 100% 'enough,' then we would never get up in the morning to go to work. I think self-help material becomes cult-like when you are consuming hours and hours of content every single week and every single decision in your life is influenced by some audiobook or podcast you listened to. It feels good to stop listening to self-help stuff and just live life! I know many people who hardly consume any self-help material and they love their life... perspective is huge.
My understanding with self improvement is that, it's great, it's necessary to look for ways to improve in life. However to obsess over it and constantly read/learn about it 24/7 is where the problem begins to occur. Your life just revolves around the goal, rather than the present time.
I like your unpopular opinions and lessons from your journey. They’re so refreshing and causes one to think critically. I strive for my films to get to half your quality too. Blessings ❤️
I think unpopular opinions give us an opportunity for us to challenge ourselves as well and not necessarily question ourselves but allow us to become more tolerant to the idea that people just have differing opinions of stuff we never thought of before and it's quite enlightening
I absolutely resonated with this video. Ironically, seeking for self help is also what got me out of its toxicity. I talked to someone, I sat down with myself, I worked backwards and questioned why I kept feeling helpless. I healed out of self help gradually over time, and it happened almost by accident. I began to realize the things that were causing my headaches was this idolized fantasy like image of my self. I knew in the back of my mind that it came from fears and insecurities, and although I never really thought about it, I automatically assumed self help was another thing that encouraged that insecurity. So, I stopped reading about it
“I think I have a lot more to offer life when I do not treat it like a competition or performance” - Nathaniel Drew Very interesting video, as always, a viewpoint I didn’t realise I needed to hear but glad I did.
I really appreciate you for being so honest about your journey. Not many people would be able to do this. To completely open up about how much your values and goals changed over the years and owning up to it although it requires a serious transition from your work from past. I like this and relate to it. Life is definitely evolving everyday and change is necessary. Also your willingness to share this shows the potential of this channel and all the future success that's coming your way. :)
Went on a self help rabbit hole myself back in 2017 and I never felt so seen. I love the evolution of this channel and how I feel like I’m growing with it. Absolutely feel the same way about the subject. Thank you for sharing this
Life isn't about chasing some form of 'perfection', life is about living in the moment, seeking to experience as many things as possible, and trying to enjoy & appreciate it to the fullest before it all eventually ends.
Where is the line between this and entitlement? If your calling in life is to "experience it", and someone or something is preventing you from it, will you fight it?
Through self-help, I became the person I always wanted to be, disciplined and responsible. However, I drove myself crazy working non-stop because I never was a super serious person before and I forced myself to be something I'm not. I'm still grateful for the tips and tricks I learned along the way but I'm glad I'm no longer putting myself under so much pressure and I'm working on being kind to myself.
Ditto! Exactly! I’ve come to the same conclusion by my actions or lack of certain actions but you in this video put them into beautiful words! If it’s causing anxiety then it’s no good. When I let go of trying to fit myself into a certain box I feel lighter, happier. Let go of expectations, be ok with things as they come and believing, in my case, that God will guide you and protect you if you let go of control and just BE. Always love your videos. Traveling the world is a dream for me especially Europe, so rich in history and beauty; so looking forward to seeing more travel videos!
i can feel such a shift in how people are viewing self care by recognizing how absolutely toxic it is. it goes against natural human instincts, like curiosity and living a life of adventure and caring for others and building communities. this video came at the just the right time in my life. i finished with school in august, and now that im finally out of academia, i've realized how toxic it was to me. i wanted to be the perfect student and the perfect person. i wanted everyone to love me and put so much pressure on myself to optimize my productivity. but that isn't being human. my journey of "self help" coincides strongly with your timeline. i feel like ive gone on this journey with you in a way. thank you for making this video and articulating everything i've felt in the past few months about what self help has done to me.
I really have to thank you for making this video. I was really struggling with the fact that I didn't like the self help videos I was watching because I was under the impression that because these videos are trying to help me, I shouldn't criticize them. Now i realize that they werent actually helping me at all, they were just giving me the mindset you displayed in this video, which wasnt a way i wanted to live. Thank you again!
The “me not realizing it” part. I died😂 Going along with you on this journey is epic as we learn and unlearn things about you. So excited for this new perspective Nathaniel. Wishing you the best
I'm actually so glad that self help made me steer into the direction of reading about psychology and especially trauma research and practices. That led me to so many things that actual self help usually uses as a side note. Many of the mindset shifts and the reality that bad feelings need to be felt and not ran from are things I fully learned the "how" and "why" to in actual psychology books. Some stuff fully research, some with only a big pile of anecdotal research. So I totally think that self help is just a path to figuring your life out for yourself. I have way less of a perfectionistic view on my life now that I accepted there is no such thing and that perfectionism is a need for control we simply don't have about many things. All this also helped me define my own version of happiness and success and made me compare myself less and just do stuff I wanted to do. I feel like I'm finally starting to figure out this sweet spot of liking it where I am as well as wanting to grow and adventure. Beautiful feeling. 🥰❤️
I am so happy for you that you are on the path of healing and happiness. On all points, I totally agree with you. We make the decision how things affect us, how we react to what happens with us, what we read, what we conclude and learn from these things. But, it is true: we have to find balance. The golden middle road. It is good to learn new things and improve ourselves. But we should not be merciless and cruel to ourselves and push ourselves 24/7. We have to find what is the healthy amount of improving and beyond that, we have some compassion with ourselves and accept and love ourselves too. We cannot chase a dream of perfection.
earlier today i had a realization that i wasn't chasing something but actually running away all my goals and to-do lists were a facade of not wanting to feel like a failure instead of sitting with that feeling and deal with it, i kept going with this "self-help journey" thank you!
On the other hand.. Self-help helped me come to this realization. Overstimulation, achieving, running, learning, thinking, building.. exhausted me. I failed to forgive my misgivings and imperfections, forgot to just live, as you said. I overwhelmed myself with how my reality should be and this created a deep need for silence and inner contemplation. Perhaps a new chapter has begun, but with more knowledge and acceptance. You have great presenting skills and vocalize a feeling and thought I couldn't. I barely ever comment, so kudos to you.
It is a matter of the "right" dosage. It is absolutely possible to aim for perfection that doesn't exist. But it is equally possible to justify "doing nothing" like that. The truth lies somewhere in the middle. It surely is a worthy endeavor to improve the personal circumstances but it is never worth making an obsession out of it
@@brianmarshall3931 And we're terrible at finding it because I believe we always expect more from it, or to be a more obvious check point marked that we can recognise when we've reached it
@@RhianeHacker I have more or less set a general direction and been quite satisfied if I get noticeable results. Sometimes that spurs me to keep going - other times I look for another minor challenge. It's the HUGE goals that break you... small bites work for me.
Yes. We have to find balance: the healthy amount of things. Almost in every case, the golden middle road is the best. Going to the extreme very often hurts someone.
At the end of the day we all want a life that is expansive and rich and like you said I think we try to find belief and meaning in things and self help is one them for some people. It can feel productive but sometimes it takes away from enjoying the process and we focus more on ‘have to do’ instead of ‘get to do’. Interesting video 🥰
I just watched all Nathaniel’s videos from oldest to newest. Took me a few months but I finally did it. I also get the newsletter. The most therapeutic videos I’ve ever watched. The authenticity is radiating. The most beautiful videos I’ve watched, the most beautiful person I’ve ever followed. I’m lucky to have had you get into documenting your life.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽touched and happy for you! I’m 50 years old and had the same realization as you “that i was broken and I needed to fix myself” I wish you all the luck in the world. Keep on being your unique self, love it 🙏🏽
This one was such an eye opener. Not quite sure when I started my own self help journey but it must be 5+ years now. As an example, sometimes I will find myself stressing about what's in my wardrobe for maximum efficiency, but I've never once needed that extra 5 minutes that I would take deciding what to wear. I could think of multiple examples like that. I'll spend so much time stressing about set ups, routines and what have you, that I sometimes forget to live. Like you said, self help is a very intriguing place at the start, but once you get sucked into it, you feel like you have to keep up with because if not, your life won't be as fulfilling. Every now and again we just need to take things with a pinch of salt and find things out for ourselves. After all, the best way to learn something is by doing it. Cheers Nathaniel.
Love this new direction & definitely resonates. For some reason this reminded me of the ending of the book Wild: “It was all unknown to me then, as I sat on that white bench on the day I finished my hike. Everything except the fact that I didn't have to know. That is was enough to trust that what I'd done was true. To understand its meaning without yet being able to say precisely what it was, like all those lines from The Dream of a Common Language that had run through my nights and days. To believe that I didn't need to reach with my bare hands anymore. To know that seeing the fish beneath the surface of the water was enough. That it was everything. It was my life - like all lives, mysterious and irrevocable and sacred. So very close, so very present, so very belonging to me. How wild it was, to let it be.”
No joke. This is the best video Ive ever seen on RU-vid. I couldnt relate more. Feels like I made almost the same process in my mind when I began to reflect of how selfhelp was slowly ruining my life. Thank you for this reminder!
yes! i agreeee! in the last months i have been slowly letting go of self help habits and ideas of optimizations because it exhausted me and i took the risk to slowly let it all go. and i am feeling so good about it. it is still sinking in and it is hard to let go of the attachment still and let my nervous system relax. i love „life becomes more expansive the more open and relaxed that you are“. thanks for the video ❤️
My family says that "every moment in life is either an adventure or a learning experience, but you won't necessarily know which until it passes." I'm happy to see that you are learning from both of your experiences and adventures. Beautiful video as always
recently started to aknowledge that noone really has a "best life" answer, feels weirdly great, like Im suddenly okay being me as I am right now. It´s nice to follow your journey :)
I feel like my entire life I've been looking for someone to put this concept into words that I could not just understand, but really feel on a soul level. Watching this video was like "ah-hah" I totally get that. The way you articulated this is spot on, and really inspired me to re-evaluate my own blog to make sure I'm not promoting toxic self-help in my articles without even knowing it. I'm definitely going to share this video because it really moved me to embrace my journey as is and seek adventure over perfection.
This resonates a lot with me. I got a lot from plunging into the self help world, and it set me off on a great start, mostly through the idea of "working on myself". But it got to a point where it became unsustainable...goal setting...wake up, make my bed, meditate, cold water, journal, goals for the day. Meditate before bed, journal (reflecting on things I'm grateful for, good deeds for the day etc) tight schedule mon-fri with my training and eating....And I did have feelings of failure, looking back, when I didn't perform or missed something out, and they really set me back. I found myself just sacking everything off for periods of time, and falling back into self pity, to then have to motivate myself to get it all going again, to once again hit a wall and fall apart. I think the thing is, knowing when to move away and start tackling things by yourself. I think general "self-help" is good for building a foundation, for you to then use to explore life and yourself. I'm in a really good place right now. I meditate every morning, because I love to do it. I don't journal everyday (I used to find this a bore/pain more than anything) instead I make time every now and again to write. Or if I have a thought during the day, I'll hold it and make time to write about it and explore it some time...and many other little things I do/don't do which I'm sure won't fit into this comment box. I started to really look into myself, ask myself those hard questions, and was honest with myself. I think that's very important. Focusing on love and compassion, and using my knowledge to help others, are also things I've adopted that compliment my life a great deal. If your reading this I hope you have a beautiful day. Sending all the love n vibes your way.
"You can't pull yourself by your own bootstraps!" -Alan Watts Alan Watts lecture "How to be a Better Person" literally changed my life. There's a delicate balance between the Ideal Self that we can strive to become, and the radical realization that we can never truly "become" it because we "are" that. In other words, one must strive to live by virtue, yet realize we will never become fully realized people because of our nature (as humans). Aristotle argues that virtue is good in and of itself, and just because you haven't reached "the end" doesn't mean the struggle for Goodness and Virtue wasn't worth it.
@@nicorobin2438 yes, the only full length talk I could find was an album by a composer called "Akira the Don" ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-4IhFCmd9yuo.html There's the link for the lecture!
Yes, I couldn't agree with you more. My leading principle is also to find balance. Find the optimal amount of things, that is neither too much nor too little. The great thinkers of old really had some good life changing insights.
Having just got out (hopefully!) of the self-help trap myself, I have to say that you put into words things I was struggling to describe for myself! What I have realised is that we can keep developing without "self-help". And for those that really want to dig deeper, there is always therapy. This year, I am definitely trying therapy. And living this damn life instead of designing it. Thanks for this video!
I really needed this video, thank you. I'm 20 and in a somewhat similar mindset to the young Nath that you described. I've always had issues with procrastination, self-confidence and comparing myself with others throughout highschool and up until this point. To counteract that and inspired by Martin from Wintergatan, I started getting into the world of self help at the start of university. I'd argue that whatever I got from it has been 20% useful and 80% anxiety inducing. Reading books and watching videos about being productive is objectively awful: it's someone, supposedly more successful, telling you "hey, this is why you suck and here is how to fix it." As you mentioned it's frustrating and disappointing when you don't succeed (which as you said it's most of the time in the long run). And there's countless self help books popping up left and right, all filled with different things you should master to be in a "better position". And thinking about it, all these authors have different backgrounds, upbringings, traumas, joys and even careers from me. It sure can help me navigate, but is it going to make my dreams come true? Or just make me feel bad for not being square? Either way, it's not a healthy path for people like us who don't know where to scratch the itching. What I wanted to say is this video has felt like a blessing, it somehow fits exactly into the chain of events that is bringing me out of self-help and most importantly out of my head, and into experiencing the world for what it has to offer. I don't want to be a boring ideal person, but a fun, content person. I don't exactly know where I wanted to go with this message, but thanks a million for the video, Nath. ❤️❤️ (PS - amazing visuals, as always)
Nathaniel, thank you for sharing this with us. I'll admit that I got quite caught up in the idea of "self-help" and thinking that I needed to learn all these things about it in order to "fix" myself and my life. I just recently started coming to this same exact realization that you have; all of this "self-help" has really just put me inside of this box that I was too afraid to step out of for fear that I would then be a failure because I didn't stick to all these rigid rules. I've tried making my whole life a routine, but I could never actually follow through with it and that in itself would upset me greatly. I reached a point where life just felt like it was in a rush and I felt like I was behind because I wasn't "becoming who I wanted to be". I'm now trying to practice a lot more self-compassion; stick with the healthy habits that actually do seem to contribute positively to my life, but not make fixing myself my sole mission. There is so much more to life and keeping myself in this rigid box doesn't allow me to experience life and the many mysteries that unfold.
I am only 19, and I have been working on self help stuff for 4 years now. I wanted to figure out how to not be sad anymore and deal with my depression. And for the first time ever I feel the happiest I’ve ever been. Took off the summer with no job or school to just live. Now I have 2 jobs and college yet I’m still happy. I finally feel like I can create my own challenges and figure out what life has for me. Your videos have helped a ton along my journey and it’s awesome to see your videos change and develop!
I'm in awe of this love/hate relationship I have with the universe where in the same week where I'm going through my depressive episodes and clawing my way back to existence, an original artwork from Nathanial Drew drops and is the chary on top to fully lift my spirit!
I appreciate the transparency and the journey of nathaniel that he shared, I am both a subscriber and unsubscriber back then with his content because self-help leads me unsure, over-anticipating and over-rationalizing. at some point I just had a belief that we all are just thrown in the midst of confusion of existence, that I don't have to try so hard attaining certainty in it, I just have to play with it I suppose. cheers to our journey and self-honesty.
Hey Nathaniel I loved this video. One friendly critique though-- I would advise clearly defining your version of self-help because there are so many different approaches and subgenres to it. There are more mainstream sides to it, more spiritual edges, more capitalistic productive sides, etc. I'm watching this video loving your insight but had a completely different experience because I don't think we were within the same subgenres. Keep up the amazing work as always Nathaniel!! :-)
I absolutely needed to hear this. Especially when you said "Stop acting in a way that implies that you are broken." Wow. I have also tried to be rigid with my habits. Cold showers and tracking calories included. But the moment it makes me feel bad, I'm intentionally going to miss the next day. Your content is so damn inspiring, and I hope that one day, the content I produce is just as valuable as this. And I never make comments like these. All love brother.
"Just be yourself" is the hardest piece of advice to follow, and I've felt so similarly around self-help having gone down the rabbit hole myself. All of your videos speak to me Nathaniel but this one is my favourite by-far, thank you for making it!
sometimes a wrong action teaches you the right lessons....I am glad I took the course of SELF HELP not because it helped me to become better but made me realize what I am not supposed to do and thus I started developing my own opinion and getting comfortable in my own skin day by day. Process is still on but this time I am figuring it out by myself and not by self help.
Hey Drew, this video genuinely shook me to my core. I now realise that during the most recent lockdown (I'm based in New Zealand) I have been leaning hard into self-help as a way to subconsciously seize control of my life because when everything seems so out of control. But you hit on the nail of the head. A single-minded approach can be stifling. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing your insights, I always feel inspired. While listening to you, I remembered a dream I had once. I was sitting on a bar listening to someone singing and I told the waiter that my dream for a long time was to be a singer, but life happened and I turned to be something else. He asked if I wondered about whether I would be happier if I were a singer. And I answered: “I don’t know, all I know is who I am and that’s it”. That was powerful. Hold on to an idea of what we should be is a prison because in reality what we are is in constantly mutation.
This is literally everything I’ve been feeling in the last couple months! The way you put it into words and visuals perfectly aligns with the feelings and thoughts I’ve been having. Truly impressed how you manage to execute powerful messages in such a graceful & empowering way. My favorite video by far 🙌🏼
Watching how your mentality grow and change is truly fascinating. i started following you for the self help conent, but now i think your content is getting a lot more interesting and it gives me a lot of inspiration in my life too. Just wanted to say what you are doing is really amazing. keep changing and growing
Such a different vibe in you ! And all of this quite describe what struck me when I read about Non Violent Communication : nothing is good or bad, everything is just you having needs, and emotions attached to it.
Hey YOU, beautiful person reading this...The truth is you are confident and good enough already with who you are, where you are at and what you have right now to have the success you want in life. Don't let others define what “success” is for you. Get up, learn that skill and go after it! I believe in you so much! Have an awesome day! - Love, Nat ❤️
Thank you so much for posting this. I couldn't put my finger on it but I've just been feeling off for a couple months. My normal self care rituals, like yoga, meditation and reading (literally some self help books) just hasn't been sparking my interest or feeling right. I felt distant from my friends and just lost in life. My normal self help goals weren't intriguing and I would regularly "fail" at meeting the goals. All those things worked great for me at a point in life when I needed it. You made a video for exactly how I feel and how I might think differently about it. I need to start just being okay with who I am right now. Time for more adventuring for this gal! (Road trips and hiking is my cup of tea). Thanks Nathaniel.
So excited for you on your journey! I'm walking along the same path. Here's a favorite quote of mine from the brilliant Marion Woodman: "Living by principles is not living your own life. It is easier to try to be better than you are than to be who you are. If you are trying to live by ideals, you are constantly plagued by a sense of unreality. Somewhere you think there must be some joy; it can't be all "must," "ought to," "have to." And when the crunch comes, you have to recognize the truth: you weren't there. Then the house of cards collapses."
Love the new designs man. I've spent the last couple years of my life diving so deep into self-help that I forgot what it was that I was trying to help myself do and achieve. Like you mentioned, my self-help mentality was fueled by an insatiable feeling of self-judgement. Ultimately, I'm realizing that what I need more than anything is self-love. It's not that we want to stop improving, but we'd certainly like to love ourselves along the way and forgive ourselves when setbacks occur. Really insightful video Nathaniel, I'm excited to see where your journey takes us moving forward!
I love this and as life would have it, I turned off my morning routine about six months ago and recently felt called to re-implement some aspects of it again. Gosh, it feels good. My thought is that life is about the energy of movement -the ebb and flows and when we surrender to each new chapter, we just do ourselves a big favour by welcoming it instead of resisting it. I adore your videos and watching another human in the discovery of it all!
If there was only room on the internet for one self help video, it should be this one. VERY refreshing to hear, and I think deep down we all know that seeking perfection and competing to get there with ourselves, and with others, isn't the route to self improvement really. Thank you!
THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I NEEDED THIS because at the start of the year I read a lot of self help books, tried to create a better version of myself but somehow resisted all of these very soon and I felt bad about it and spiralled into feeling very bad about myself for not improving myself and all and I started to think if I’m just overthinking all of these and this video shed so much clarify that sometimes we don’t need to heal ourselves because we just think we are broken, but we are actually fuller than we think, stronger than we think, there’s no need to improve when we’re already amazing in our own ways. And thank you for introducing The idea of amor fati, I have been searching for a quote that I truly believe in and somehow this sticks! And I love how magical fate is!
Oh, I had a very different reason for self-help. I just had one problem to solve, how to stop procrastinating. I found some helpful strategies in self help, but more from people who actually were experts in ADHD and executive dysfunction. Which isn't really a surprise. Though the first ADHD coach I had sucked, people online and the second coach helped a ton.
You put exactly how I feel about self help in a way I couldn't put it before. It's so important to have this awareness of toxic productivity and how 'self-help' isn't really going to do much on its own.
Self help should be about helping you love yourself as you are, helping you discover how to be your own best friend, helping you judge yourself with kindness and empathy and reminding you that your problems are not external - they exist only within us and our perspective. Im a 40 year old dog walker, ive struggled with money my whole life, yet the people around me who own houses ill never be able to afford by the time they reach their 30s see me as successful, for i am at peace, i am happy. "He who is not happy with little, will be happy with nothing"
Nathaniel, I watch all your videos but never commented before. Two things surprise me about your productions: First, your content and storytelling capabilities. Second, your intros and graphics. Would you mind share how you do them? I'm a content creator from Brazil (btw I loved seeing you speaking Portuguese 😍 ), and I'm finding ways to increase the bar of my productions (they are related to software development). Thanks in advance 🤝
I think it is important to distinguish between "self-improvement" and "self-help" here. What you are referring to in the video sounds more like self-improvement which is often motivated by external factors such as comparisons and expextations that might not even coincide with what you really want or need. It is easy to get lost in self improvement that clings to an external perception of what you should be like. Self help (for me) always comes from a place of self-compassion and wanting to connect with yourself. It is essentially more internally motivated and different from self-improvement. I feel that with self improvement you want to achieve or change something whereas in self-help it is more about finding and connecting.
When I started self help, I used to thing meditating, eating “health” foods 24-7 and never catering to my needs, journaling for a half an hour a day, doing these little projects would make me happy. And In truth, it never did. I feel bad about all these things because I’ve looked so much into them because other people have told them to me and it makes them feel good. But doesn’t necessarily will make me feel that way too. I just found your channel like yesterday and I thank you for all your content. I appreciate the realness.
