How the Narcissist Uses Delay Against You 

One of the most difficult things about separating from unaware narcissists is that it is so clear they meant what they said. It took a long time for me to learn they mean it in the moment, not moving forward. Take your time getting to know people. Train yourself to trust what they do, not what they say.

It's truly amazing how much damage these people do to your life.

Interesting to note that a Narcissist will typically not accept delay from anyone else 😂

Narcissists, they a keen at trying to get you in their grasp, then use you carelessly, and feel victimized if you leave them.

Delay is the prelude to discarding

I had the upper hand for the first time! My house was in a special needs trust for my disabled son, my car was in my name only, the furniture was mine, he was a mooch and didn't pay living expenses. When he didn't respond to the divorce decree on time, my attorney went on without his answers. He refused to leave my house, entitlement.. So the Judge signed the divorce decree, and it was settled! He refused to leave my house! So, I had him evicted! He had 10 days to pack up and leave! Yeah, he did a lot of damage to my house. Then he moved across the street from my house to mooch off the neighbor who was a member of the cotery, sp? He lived there for 3 long years, grrrrrrr! Then he kicked the bucket, and I'm free! Woo-hoo! Thank you, HG!

That explains so much about my Dad. Everything was "we'll do it next time".

These people have sooooo many ways to make people miserable meanwhile they are also subconsciously miserable

I didn’t realize this was related to narcissism. My ex did this all the time. We had a babysitter who came on Saturday evenings. He would not come out of his studio for an hour or more after she came every time. He also did it with outings we planned with the children. He would not be ready to leave until a couple of hours after the scheduled time.

This is an exact Narcissists reaction, and how they role reversal for reactive as abuse and a way to clear their name, their actions. The stall and delay game makes them feel superior, buys them time to try and convince you that you need to blame yourself.

Once met a therapist who was a single 30 year old woman who said that she NEVER waits for anyone who is not where they said they would be. As a TRUTH SEEKER EMPATH, I found that harsh. But, now I know it was appropriate! ❤

My Narc boyfriend was a master of future faking combined with mirroring. Ah, the future was a sight to behold! Fortunately I was spared the devaluation period; he simply ghosted me and disappeared.

My ex always play this as : I will call you in minutes. Then I waited for 30 mins ,he did not call me,so I asked him “it’s 30 mins now “ ,he read but no reply .then I patiently wait until 1 hour . I send a message asking : it’s 1 hour now ,are you gonna call or not …and he again did not reply as if very busy . If I call him instead of waiting he would get mad and blame that I harassed him. So the day when I waited for 1 hour . He finally called and said :60 mins is also several mins ….. without apologize . I was shocked by his entitlement for keeping ppl waiting .i tried to tell him it’s not ok and not polite to keep ppl waiting and always being late without saying sorry . I even send a video made by a relation coach talk about a husband saying sorry for kept his wife wait …and my ex said he could not understand why man should apologize for being busy …..then I realized that he is helpless .so I cut him clearly

This explains why when I would ask my mum to watch a movie with me, she would start hoovering or speaking on the phone to her friend… me asking that must have threatened her control

I once dated a narcissist who promised he'd buy me a new fancy dress if I would attend a wedding with him for his family member. He told me to go to the mall, pick one out, and then let him know which dress I wanted so he could pay for it. I told him it would be much easier to give me the money before I went to the mall, but he said, "Why should I give you money if you don't find anything?" Well, I did find something, but then he delayed going to the mall to pick up the dress, and by the time we returned to the mall, the dress was gone. Of course, the wedding was the next day. We argued because he still expected me to attend the wedding despite not fulfilling his promise to buy me a new dress. Once I had attended the wedding, I reminded him that he still owed me a new dress, but he said I had no need for a new dress now that the wedding was over. I broke up with him a few weeks after that.

Then they tell you you aren't patient. Controlling the narrative and optics of situation.

The term "Best friend" and "Unconditional love" are red flags. My mother warned me about those.

Delay was my ex husband's favorite tactic. Even though he wanted the divorce, I told him he would have to pay for it. We separated, and I got out of his hair, like he wanted so he could move Annie No Knickers in my place. He delayed for nearly a year and had not saved any money to pay for the divorce that HE wanted. So I did it for him, and honestly I'm surprised he didn't delay signing the papers and sending them back, but Annie was there so he needed to be completely free of me to marry her and start the abuse cycle all over again. He is such a piece of garbage that I knew his delay tactic was so I would pay for everything. Now he's out of my hair forever, and I'm in a much better place than I would have been if I had kept endlessly trying to make things work with someone who didn't want them to. Thank you, HG, for bringing us this vital information.

Spot on @HG Tudor. Really nailed it here. 7 months after the divorce before she finally buggered off out of the flat. A walking disaster of an individual.

You forgot to mention that if your pal kept you waiting and you end up confronting them or being agitated they will turn it back on you and find a reason to be angry with you for being angry with them.

Keep Annie No Knickers in your prayers. Wish her well from a safe distance.

“ You are the ideal woman” until you are not. Lol

The defects of the DELAY tactic amount to a lot of passive aggressive and adhd ineffective behavior …. life’s too short.

A narcissist is the most evil human being you could meet . The narcissist "pretends" to be loving and kind but behind the person is planning her next way to hurt the victim,by division and alienation worse if it's done to a child. I wonder what she might be doing with those actor kids. Maybe promising things that are never going to happen. Because the victim is bad not good enough a let down at every chance.

Thank-you, HG!! Having been in the court process for 7 years now with my own narcissist ex - and supporting an empath friend during her family law case - I am only too familiar with how the narc uses delay. (The best one was, at the eleventh hour before our final order, my ex contested paternity, causing the judge to have to halt her decision and adjourn our matter while the testing was done.) I really appreciate this informative video. I have to add that, on occasion, the narcissist's court delay is in your favour - for example, my ex cannot currently be arsed to pick up the phone and restart the process for his access visits with his son. But, you know, he "loves" his son and would "do anything" to have more time with him.

HG spot on narc in my life used to do that ALWAYS never turned up and kept me waiting. Finally when they showed up not even an excuse or reason when questioned all they would say im here now.

This explanation is almost exact of a man I met the damage these type of people cause is massive

My narc relative uses time to exert power and control over others. She is habitually late to every event - funerals, work meetings, parties, appointments, you name it. Nobody calls her out on it because she does this primarily to her coterie who blindly worship her. Her chronic tardiness used to drive me mad, but now I have a no contact policy so the problem is non-existent.

Wow, perfect explanation 🎉 i was married to a unaware narcissist and although we got engaged within some months ,it took him years to finally organize the wedding, and there were a lot of on and offs in our relationship. Finally he only married me because he was afraid to loose me forever because i wanted to relocate to another country. Yes,it was not about love,it was about control.

My late father was a middle-lesser Narcissist and everything was always "I will do it tomorrow" ...This video is frighteningly accurate. Thank you so much for this channel, Sir HG Tudor.

Get out of the narcs dark dungeon...there is nothing but dangerous dragons inside the narcs sick mind...run to the hills and stay away for good

A truly excellent, insightful and informative video. It explains several narcissists in my past "delaying" processes to suit their "purposes" (prime aims, control, fuel). Such is the value of understanding, in order to be able to recognise the "patterns" of narcissists behavours. Thank you for this piece of work HG, much appreciated 💟

Very interesting, thank you. That is an insidious way of exerting control.

This brings back so so many bad memories when i was engaged with my ex narc.. But once again HG made me laugh with the line :- chatting up and flirting with "Annie no knickers" 😂 Thanks HG ❤️

You gave a lot of Valuable Information away in this Video HG, Very generous of you. Thankyou for sharing.❤️🌻

Yes , I deal with this with their friends once, they feel that like you got what they think is enough attention or think their decisions are better than yours; your input doesn't matter and will leave or make your decision for you without a word to you. They put me in some situations where I needed their help to get around all the while saying they will be right there then go off with their friends and get wasted leaving me in a place I couldn't get around in or go to the bathroom .. Then, when I said I wanted to get out . They would say I offered to take you to Fred's and you said no. I had to except their friend as mine . Anytime, my events started becoming routine they will make up excesses. for them not taking me or not being around the friends I love..

Time blindness, AdHd, right brain/left brain or just being a people person could be categorized in these examples as well -it’s not always narcissism per se. Just sharing a different perspective, perhaps intentions and motives are more important to measure?!

It is very frustrating to deal with this.

Annie no knickers 😂, you crack me up HG. My ex could have led classes in delay.

I needed to hear this two years ago so I would have got tougher with my solicitor. I kept telling him that my narc neighbours had no case and to take them to court but he pussy footed around repeatedly telling me that he knew best. After two years he threatened them with court only after they really pissed him off with a rude, arrogant, demanding email and they immediately crumbled. I complained to my solicitor and asked for my money back as he had wasted our time by not listening to us. The solicitors have delayed in responding so I've had to report them to the ombudsman! Narcissists everywhere, including solicitors! If you're confident that you're in the right you have to take a sledgehammer to them. It's all they understand.

Absolutely true. Our counselor gave him a reaon for his delay. Im asking too much from him. He has nothing he is responsible for because I can't trust him to get it done. Its very difficult living with this.

This explains so much with the two I have been exposed to in my life. Another piece of the jigsaw. Thank you HG.

He said he had a lawyer on Memorial Day so I got one. Here we are at Forth of July and just now he is telling my lawyer that he is just now GOING to get one. Pray that I am paid by Labor Day. Lol

Ima explain real quick that this is called a 'dangling carrot' they'll do very less extreme versions of this to keep others in line They'll say 'I'm planning on buying my son a car on graduation' then graduation shows up and they'll move the goal post to 'oh you need to work for half of the cost, and they'll move it again with something like 'well you don't really need a car' or 'we don't don't really have space for a second vehicle' which is very typical deadbeat/ cheapskate behavior What very specifically narcissist tho is all while preventing you from getting a car yourself they also sabotage you by limiting access to other people cars too, which is crazy, the best reason I can think of is they don't want you to have any security outside of themselves Then the idea of what got promised is supposed to get you to keep working toward making them happy so that they'll deliver on that fake promise If you have someone like that doing that to you, shut them down immediately with a 'thats sounds really nice, but no thanks, I want it* (*a car, a puppy, a trip to the spa, ect) to be a personal goal for me to earn and not a gift'

The worst part about mine was that i knew what he was hes done everything youve mentioned and how sad i dont have a support network around me to help me get rid of the guy. He broke into my home called it romantic yet came into my house my bedroom with anger all cos i didn’t answer the phone cos, he was being rude already. I wanted him gone i felt alone and unsafe and scared so i gave into his patronising ways and he assaulted me in my own home and bedroom. I did not want him as to go so far cos, he wasnt getting the picture to tell him that hes ugly and im not attracted to him and that still didnt defer him on hos quest to destroy my life. Hed say i was his girl and id reply im not im sleeping with other people. Which he abused me over. This psychopath thought i was his property and he got away with it too cos, i had no one to help me. I said id call the police and was abused over that too. I became suppressed and ‘his’ as he further emotionally manipulated me and abused me i become weaker and weaker in my strength to fight him off. And essentially gave in to his demands over me. I started tripping over things accidentally breaking things out of being a nervous wreck. And then when he was done abusing me using me and harassing my life he said it was over that he was breaking up with me. Its taken me a good six months of sleeping, resting and eating to process what the f’ just happened to me. An absolute tyrant entered my life- the only way i can make ppl understand what i went through is to tell them; imagine i came into your life and knew nothing about you, your family, your friends, your goals your dreams and plans. Said you were mine if you said no i abused you and demanded you be with me even asking you to marry me within weeks of knowing me and then just abused you and dumped you. I feel so betrayed by humanity i cant even look anyone in the eyes- people literally make me feel like throwing up. I feel physically ill. Not one single one of my so called friends who i did emotionally support were there for me. Not my parents. Not anyone! Not even hes parents would step in when he would scream and yell at me. And of course i am to blame for his abuse from their point of view even though he yells and screams at them too. I hate my life. I am trying my hardest to make it better but, I’ve seriously given up now- i dont even bother putting a sheet on my mattress anymore I’ve completely just given up. These ppl suck you dry of any light and joy. Be careful who you chose to even go on a date with cos, my “date” ended up stealing 2 years of my life and a further now 6-7 months recovering. In saying that i am getting better but, i dont ever want to be happy again cos, these ppl want that happiness. Bless all you non narcissists- i prey you never even ever have to endure what I’ve experienced.

They are infuriating..my ex 'friend" did this until I finally saw through what was going on.. disgusting and I don't want anyone like that in my life again!

Very informative!

The ex took 5 months for his first court statement to be in, then he did it again for his second statement, he took 3 months. He's still losing but he's still pushing his rubbish. It's entertaining to watch tbh lol.

i expect it now, i'll ask something earlier than i actually need it and move like that. because i know he'll take forever to answer, i'll ask ahead of time. if i want to go somewhere i have to say i have to be there at 2 if it starts at 5, etc. once i see how you move i'll move accordingly. 😊

Thank you and I love your voice. Have a great day. 😊

"Annie New Knickers", or "Annie No Knickers" whatever it was omg 😂 LOL, Wow. The transcript has it as "Annie New Knockers".

Narcissist ex friend made plans with me on my birthday. She made me wait 40 minutes at the location because she went to get her hair done and was delayed. When she arrived with her daughter they were wearing matching t-shirts. She gave me a matching tshirt and said I should put it on. I was wearing a dress and didn’t want to put the tshirt on then and there, so she snarkly said that I’m always so difficult 😣 she used the tshirt at a later time again to shame me that I was being “so rude” not to go with her plan

Thank you HG, this confused me so much: felt so push-pull -- it was dizzying.... Sometimes moving hyper-fast through relationship milestones, other times felt pushed away. Then pulled into thier hyper-fast situation, then pushed away again.... It's immensely confusing, and still can't get my head around the inconsistencies, trying to guess how they want things to be this week, or left feeling not enough/not good enough -- as it's pick up, put down, rinse & repeat.

“ You are the ideal woman” until you are not. lol Mine did press marriage and delivered and he calmed down a lot after, jealousy was diminished….but ask me if he lived up to what was expected for marriage.

So true! Although in Costa Rica, arriving 15 minutes late is arriving on time (is known as tico time, we are never in a hurry)

Yes! we call judgement on them for that! ❤️‍🔥✨🌻🌞

Oh i wish I never moved in with my ex... fucking lockdowns stitched me right up 😂😂😂well the lockdown and the garage that f**k my car engine... i got revenge on both tho!! took a while but settled the scores..

It can work both ways - you can stack up the things they're going to get in return when they eventually do X. My futures are only fake if yours are.

On the money, again, HG

Excellent information thank you

This brings back memories. :/

This is very helpful, thank you.

Mine used delay as a form of withholding which I made a video on years ago. I didn't know til watching this video it was basically using delay against me. Very interesting and makes sense. He made me wait so long for a beach day together (every wknd made an excuse), it'd lose its luster when we finally went (my heart felt sore if that makes sense cuz it was hurtful as though he was doing me a huge favor). He knew it was my favorite thing to do but it felt like I was begging til I got to a point I stopped bothering. Yet, if I was 5 min late, he would purposely still be in the shower or have the door locked and not answer, so I'd be the one waiting on him, and/or not say hello to me -- after I drove one hour to him. He would act so sour over me being late. He preferred me waiting on him, I see. I also had an old best friend who did the delay thing too now that I learned of this phrase/tactic. Always making me wait when we were supposed to go out to eat or head off to a lake. They both are always suing people and I think get a high out of it?? I got to a point, where if the ex prick didn't answer the door within a cpl minutes, I left. And the old best friend when she was late, I went and had a peaceful day at the lake - withhout her. Would I bother these days with either of them??? NO. And I DON'T. Good riddance with all these control tactics!!

Yes, I have dealt with this specific trait for twenty years. The solution is to wear them down to get what you want. I was relentless with my wife when married, and relentless with my lawyer when she threatened my access to my child. I am and have always been more of a pain in the ass than her....she gave me what I wanted to make me go away.

Once you know you cant unknow Red flags show easily once you know The ex narc never love bombed me, i would have felt that so cringey and alarming even before i knew It moved at a normal pace although there were red flags in things he said right from start, the first silent treatment 3 months in So glad im now narc aware and wont let thsse parasites anywhere near me

HG, wish your services were available when my mum was getting divorced from my father: think your help/consultations would have made a huge difference.

My special angel took my car on the days I had job interviews. He did it the 2nd time, after I told him to be mindful. Couldn't be reached. Check that out, ladies, isn't he a cutie. He returned home to rage. His reply, sorry I forgot, I'll buy you a computer, which one do you want?" I'm curious for comments.😂 throw him under the bus for me.

She was ALWAYS late and CONSTANTLY kept me waiting. I'd go over her house bc we had plans to go out and she was still in her robe despite telling me an hour earlier that she was going to start getting ready. Or she'd come to me and was always at least an hour late.

I have a friend who I suspect is a narcissist. He makes lots of promises but never follows through. Or if he does it's with a lot of pressure or money from me. Had a table that should have taken 24 hours to glue together but he sat on it for a month. I needed a studio to work out of. He promised me it but then we had to wait for his ex's approval. Like he blamed it on her. Then I needed to get my kiln going but he insisted that I get a controller for it That he was going to hook up but then it wasn't the right controller so I got a new one and said he could have the old one I bought but then he sat on that for 3 months at least then I said forget it and used my kiln regardless of the damn controller and now he's kinda sour with me. Now I'm down to the wire needed to fire stuff for a show. Literally his delay is affecting the ability for me to run my business. I think he actually likes that he's harming my ability to have a business. Also we were for a short time involved but he had no emotion or anything during love making. He was like having sex with a robot.

“Annie No-knickers” 😂 she would definitely cause a delay !!! And, yes, I’ve definitely experienced “delay” with my ex (narcissistic) boyfriend. We are no longer together. Go-So!

He would blow cold and still expect me to go on last minutes dates with him. I got last minute notices for dates, I always got call back instead of him picking up the cell, yet I couldn't do that or he would speak in a victim tone. This video lesson is how I found out my spouse and child was a notorious narc, they constantly future faked and never made scheduled plans with me. My spouse would constantly give excuses as to why he didn't answer his cell while out after work and yet when I would have to use his cell, I saw he answered calls in his last hour of woke and spoke to family members and that told me he was just stonewalling me and couldn't even complain cause he would accuse me of controling and clingy yet he expected me to be reachable when I was out otherwise he would accuse me of cheating and become distant, so I could never do what he did. I couldn't yell in response of his insults but he can yell at me any time though I didn't yell nor insult or lie on him. I am exhausted and want nothing to do with any narc, I know, and planning to move far away from them.

WTP: Narcissists draw me into their world. narcissists pull me into their world. Narcissists are insistent, persistent, and unrelenting in this respect.

I could be on my 2nd Narcissist. But, I don't actually know if she is one. My 1st one really was. I stayed her "best friend" for 12 years. Until she went to prison for 2 years. I sent money to her a couple times. When she got out, I stayed distant from her for 2 further years. She wanted to see me. I never did see her. I felt safe having the distance. But, I did love the texting part. Eventually, I felt bad for making her wait so many years. So, I did disconnect 100%. After leaving my greatest love, I had the strength to never date and never love for the rest of my life. That was my plan. I saw all women as terrible for the next 6 years. I was Very strong in my independence. There were women who wanted to date me, I rejected them all out-right. Eventually, a beautiful famous musician would find me. She had hundreds of adoring fans. She had thousands of casual fans. She saw something in me. She wanted me. I let it proceed. I fell in love. Maybe on that 1st day. But, I resisted for a month. Now, I'm so deeply in love. But, it's not a healthy relationship. She feels like my opponent in a twisted love game where we deny each other. And delay each other. She could be a narcissist. But, I'm smarter now. I only made her more interested in me. I'm at a Disadvantage. I did fall in love long ago. But, I fight it. Still.

I quit waiting for these games... I tell them call if they ever get there. ❤

Always a carrot on a string. You will never have that carrot. It’s the right time yet, and it never will be.

This is exactly how it has been with my ex narcissistic partner

Narcopath was late on the day we got engaged despite knowing what was happening. 🚩🚩🚩 I should have paid attention to the red flags.

I was informed that my narcissistic daughter was making out with other women in a bar. I was shocked because I never thought she was bi-sexual but could this be the love bombing stage when they can adapt to all your wants and wishes? It still brings them attention and fuel regardless.

My ex would blame me for getting angry because she decided to become a whore. She would act like the victim saying, "its not my choice, I HAVE to do it.(poor me)". She would promise to stop, but always "in a couple of months". Of course, I would lose my mind and get angry, then she would use my anger as an excuse to keep doing it.(get revenge on me). But she was always the victim, "because its not what she wants to do.". Yeah right.

Our wedding venue planner/sales person was shocked we actually picked a date, then that we actually paid. Then during the divorce, he delayed 4 years. Now, I am entitled to his social security death benefits because we were married over 10 years. I would rather have had a quick and easy divorce. What a waste of time, money, energy.

Spot on as usual 👌🏼

My ex would delay speaking to me when clearly I needed to talk about something important. Then, when I finally talk about it (after literally waiting weeks just to not upset him because he loved to hang up on me, or stonewall) he would behave as though I'm requesting a kidney from his only child!

Hi HG. Thanks for something NOT about Megan bloody Markle! lols

The words "you will hear from our solicitor in due course" are ones I never want to hear again and "we just get on with our lives, we don't know why you don't" when they know they're preventing you from doing so. Sick, twisted, sadistic, miserable, hateful people.

If you know who you are, truly (I recommend meditating and following a spiritual path), these people can have absolutely no effect on you. You can see through them immediately.

Haha! Told a ‘friend’ something happened. They delayed getting back to me until I texted, your loss. I will never tell them about it and ignored the calls. What a loser!

0:22 Good afternoon H.G.💫

"Annie no knickers..." Lol.

Not me!!! You Late, I'M GONE. We have a meeting. Be There On Time . I have other things to do, if not I'll find something to do. I love Reading. I'm nobody's puppet, you not there at our stated time. I'm Gone. Not Waiting. That goes for anybody.

Time to expedite the process.

Helpful, helpful.

This has to be going on in the Lopez/Affleck divorce and it really must be ramping up due to them both being narcs! He wants the divorce and she can't bear the humiliation so she must be delaying CONSTANTLY! Look at how much she's traveling! She's in Italy, oh wait, SNAP, now she's in NY with Affleck's daughter, she can't possibly sign, she can't possibly announce anything, she's busy traveling and even though her own kids are no where in sight, she managed to hoover one of Affleck's! Waiting on the OFFICIAL DIVORCE ANNOUNCEMENT and after watching this, both Affleck and Lopez are enjoying knowing that everyone is on divorce announcement watch! He'll keep yelling at paparazzi and she'll keep traveling for deflection, inviting Violet along on this roller coaster ride from h---, Violet has no clue she's on! Remember A-Rod's daughters Violet, they are smart, lovely young ladies also and they were quickly tossed overboard when Lopez no longer had any use for them!

Not “Annie No Nickers” 😂!!!!

I wish I could ask you to avenge me HG. I would happily be enslaved to you forever. Joyfully doing your bidding. I can’t tell you though because I hear your voice in a time of great hurt and am struck with such relief and happiness in such a fucked up time and I can’t think straight. Only of how brilliant you are and the normalcy you give back to me. You must be so much in real life. Thank you HG. You mesmerize me.

My distant uncle delayed the cd return two months !! I said ok I coming to your house to pick up. He immediately sent someone to send to me . Interesting .why did he do that?don't want me spoil his image with neighbors ?

Bespoke solution😂❤👏

Ill be dead in four days. Its weird when you know your times is up

So true.

Annie no knickers...😂😂😂

Handy tip: explain what you mean by delay first, THEN paint the scenario, you'll retain a larger audience... and stop smacking your lips. Thank you! - Neuro-atypical