How To Address The Root Of Loneliness 

This is amazing! As a 6/ 7 y I was often left to get myself up and off to school while my mother slept off her hangover, of course I was often late and then punished with the strap by my teacher, then punished again when my mother found out. I have trouble looking after myself now. I always put others first. I am 65y. Very powerful.!

I am a psychologist and I know a lot about loneliness and other things...I honestly experience loneliness differently, I feel lonely when I talk to the people because we have such a different views on everything, no connection, if I start talking they start judging like I am crazy because I think different. I like being different but is very lonely when nobody understands your mind, your way of looking at the world. When I say I feel lonely people are in a rush to give you advice,,make a child, have a family,, guess what I feel more alone talking to the people than when I am alone in the room. Loneliness is not about not having people in your life it is about not being able to talk to them about what is important to you. This is loneliness for me, not being able to share what I feel, what I think because I can't connect with the people around me, the only time when I felt happier was in a hippie community, I wish to go back but I can't afford it financially.

Loneliness is when I wish I could talk to someone and I check in my mind who I can talk to and that person to understand me? and realizing that NOBODY

Thank you Noah. I had a vivid vision of my inner child alone in their crib. I picked them up and whispered softly into their ear, gently caressing and soothing them. I feel so much more at ease after watching this. 💜

This is pure genius. So well explained, Noah! Thank you.

thank you for the sound - clear, sharp, strong. Thanks to it I was able to understand (nearly) everything. And it proved to be very helpful to me. Greetings from Poland !

The answer is easy, the child needs the parent. But there’s no parent, neither in the past, nor now. So the child keeps searching. We cannot give to ourselves something we lack.

I feel lonely when I talk to the people about the weather, small talk, I feel lonely because we are not honest with each other, saying what we really feel, what we really want to say...can't do it...who wants to talk about their deepest secrets? Who wants to talk about fears? Who wants in the daily life to analyse everything? I do..I am a deep thinker and I can't find people who enjoys this deep conversation, they find them hard..🤷‍♀️great, let's talk about tv, whether and food..I am going to kill myself of boredom 🤦‍♂️

Everything you said in this video, I already knew, but the way you said it filled my heart with warmth. Thank you. 🙏🏻❤️

Dear Noah. Your video really finally explained the pain I am feeling inside of me. You have such a great talent to do so. And even thouh you are far away and I only watch a video I can feel a connection to you and I trust you to guide me into that inner pain of beeing alone beeing scared for life or to death. And I was able to soothen that pain for my inner baby. And I stayed with it. I did not distract myself or shut myself off of feelings completely. This is incredibly wonderful. Thank you from deep in my heart. You are most wonderful!

Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Now I realised why I’ve been experiencing loneliness all my life, be it when I’m alone or when I’m out having a good time my friends. It was because I was an abandoned child; my elderly grandparents raised me up without my mum or dad coming to visit me. And when my grandparents died when I was 11, my parents took me back to lived with them where I saw my other siblings. But from there on, the loneliness grew more as I experienced being unloved; my mum’s coldness and my dad’s awkwardness towards me. In order to retrieve love and care from adults, I got closer to my neighbours where 1 household in particular provided me wt lots of attention and warmth. Till this day at the age of 51, this particular family is almost like my own family, in fact I’m so much closer with them than my own parents. But for that loneliness bit, the ‘child’ in me is still screaming and begging for that natural parental touch he wasn’t given since 51 years ago. Love and cheers from Singapore.💐

This goes deeeep. Thank you so much for making this, helped me a lot. So on point 💕

You're a gorgeous man 🤗

I needed this perspective more than anything else right now. Thank you for helping me see the source of my loneliness. I didn't know before now its source.

wow Noah. I have been in therapy for years and have been struggling with major depression and ptsd. Being gentle and loving to those little parts of myself and giving them all the care and tenderness they've always wanted. Wow I don't think I've ever had this feeling of saftey. Ever. Thank you so much. Thank you so much ugh

Amazing guidance. Thank you. I understood for the first time ever where loneliness came from - just amazing . I will replay this again and possibly a third time. You have removed a huge black cloud that hovered over my head for many a year. Again thank you .

Thank you Noah! I found your tracks on Insight Timer and then started watching these videos. Your videos came very timely in my spiritual journey and work miracles for me. It’s still a long process to heal the wound in that inner child but I do feel how my thoughts and perceptions of loneliness have been shifting. It also helps to connect with people in a different more authentic and deeper way. Thank you so much!

When we create value for others, they will become drawn to us. Humans are symbiotic towards one another.

I have been paying so many therapists and analysts in my life, but no one was this helpful as your videos. This is really great approach.

I had a flashback memory: my cat didn't come home one night. I was shot back 45 years and felt utter helplessness, utter powerlessness.

Thank you, the other video you did on loneliness helped me a lot, I watched it a thousand times (I even created the subtitles in Spanish for the video jeje), this one is awesome too, thanks mate

Such a pleasure when you upload a new video! I hope you are safe and well ♥️ Your words are so comforting. Thank you for all you do!

I just rediscovered you after forgetting your name and here you are again. Many thanks for your thoughts and care and your deep consideration for the planet.

This was really heart touching, so much.... I went into crying, feeling the pain... Through your guidance... Going through with it. Through also my depression&anxiety, I feel alot of fear and being alone or disconnected.... I believe this now doing with you, will start healing something within me... It was also a better understanding, what's acually going on. Thank you from my heart to your heart, dear soul. 🙏❤️

Thank you so much Noah! I really needed this today.

Appreciate your openess and simplicity in explaining this very very real condition. That so many of us suffer through and truly want to be free and at peace. Thankyou so much.

Excellent . I think this video is one of the best of yours I have ever seen so far.

This was really insightful and it helped me think in a different way. Thank you for helping with bringing positivity in my life

Thank you for sharing this with me today. I have watched several of your videos and with each one I walk away understanding myself a little more.

Thanks Noah I recently read the power of now and found your channel the other night when I couldn’t sleep. I’m really enjoying your content and I love your evolution from your old videos, which are helpful bandaids, and your new videos which work on a deeper level. We need both! Thank you

Noah you are awesome...you are the first one to narrow down the feelings to the root cause. This video was really helpful. Thank you so much for this

I am an only child. Now an adult. I cried when I heard this I feel this way most of the time. My friends live out of state as do my parents. Friends here I have none. Yes it does not seem like enough and am trying to meet people....

I get really perplexed by the dichotomy of it. Knowing when to seek anything outside of me and when not to. But I have definitely found peace, healing, and love within sometimes.

Amazing!... Thanks for this. I could feel that you were understanding... listening to you, it's clear that you want to connect with us... Wish you the better

Thank you Noah! This video helped me so much. It gave me validation. It's all within me. ♥

Noah Elkrief: THANK YOU SOOO MUCH for this video! This is REALLY IMPORTANT for me!

Thank you Noah, definitely going to keep practicing this to heal, hit the spot that needed healing today. Ironically loneliness has been with me my whole life, an unwelcome feeling I have had to push away and deal with. Thank you for the beautiful reminder I have the healing I need inside of me 💗🌸

Incredible! Thank you!!

Time to take care about child 💓🙏🏾 Love you man im felling bless to watch this video Thank you

I love your new videos because now you speak from your heart as never before, thanks a lot Noah

I watched your previous video about this topic before, which helped me greatly at that time. Now after watching this video, I feel that it goes even deeper. I often feel lonely and have learned from this video the reason. Will practice. Thank you, Noah. You are such a genuine person.

This was powerful. I feel double screwed up because while I was punished by being denied affection and sent to my room….. I felt safer away from my manipulative mother and violent father. I came out of childhood with many poor skills in relationships. I’m over fifty and still haven’t been able to figure this shit out. Thank for your work!

Thanks so much. This is a great go-to when I’m feeling lonely. Definitely a Save 😊in my Library

Amazing therapist!❤

ıt really really helped me a lot. thank you very much for sharing it! love you.

Thank you for another great video. Needed to hear this.

Thank you, Noah, actually after short guidance I've opened my eyes and I felt much peace and love it was an amazing experience. Thank you! Please if you could provide us more this kind of inner child healing videos much love and blessing to you!

Thank you for this, with the pandemic I've definitely been feeling lonely. Your videos always help, so thank you again.

Noah I just wanted to say Thank you because your video healed my problem with my sleep...🤗👍🙏

Noah Elkrief does fabulous work. This video, like so many others of his, addess the root cause of a major social and psychological issue with elegant simplicity. For anybody trying to get a handle ot their emotions, Noah Elkrief should be "required reading." In this video, he describes the process of a technique that for many years I have been using, and had wondered whether it was OK or not. Here I found out that I was right all along. What a relief, what a fantastic support. I'm going to get back to the technique right away, and follow it through from here on in. Thank you, Noah !!

Books and cats and wine help a LOT.

Inner child work 🙌🏼 love it. Been doing it for 2 years & wow. I’m a totally different person now. ♥️

stay safe i apprecate you! you have gotten me through tough times. big hug to you too, love you, and all that you have to say!

Thank you alot for this video and the healing session. It's only now for the first time I realize my inner child hurted by some events happened in the past, and Ive neglected that for years and always either wanted and waited for others to heal me or tried to avoid having a deep connection with other in order to not feel any pain of the past. Please keep posting such video.. I'm so glad for watching and seeing you again after years :)

Just found your video you did a very good job on explaining loneliness. Thank you. I get it now.

I feel this helps. I need to watch it a few times. But I feel this will help. I need to test it out when I'm in situations when I feel left out of group activities. Or social gatherings. Thank you Noah. Keep up the good work. Your work is much appreciated.

Thank you for the videos Noah! A few weeks ago I started reading the 'The presence process' by Michael Brown which goes into this exact dynamic of being present with 'bad' emotions and sensations. Even though I get carried away most of the time, I am starting to recognize these uprisings and trying to be with them. Hopefully we all can use this time as an 'opportunity' to be aware our issues and bring some healing!

Thank you Noah! Thank you

Thank you again Great video

Thank you. I knew I had to heal my inner child to heal my loneliness and I security. But when you guided us I released so much. I didn't know I had so much pain inside of me. Thanks. God bless

So glad you're back Noah! Your videos are so extremely helpful. I was wondering if you can make an updated video on how to deal with a breakup? Thank you for your lovely content!

This is a very interesting video because I enjoy being alone I get anxious when I don't get alone time. I've studied the Bible for over 49 years and humans for over 38 years and have learned that people need to be alone to spend time with their own selves. I learned this as a child when I read how Jesus went away from people to speak with God Who is Love. We are born with everything we need and we don't have to look outward for our needs. Love is Spirit and Love heals broken hearts and Love keeps you from being alone and feeling lonely. I was a latchkey child and the youngest of 5 and I'm grateful my dad taught me as a young child to do things alone. I raised 3 son's as a young widow and I taught them how to do things alone as my dad did for me. I'm also a people person and encourager and have learned to say no when people want to take up my time. People have to learn to love themselves and to know their worth which makes a big difference in helping to not feel alone.

Wow thank you so much for your Insight ..it's helps a lot today .xxx

Thank you. This helps alot.

Thank you so much. Since Covid I have had times of deep loneliness and despair that have surfaced. Feelings of being unsafe that I have thought were caused by the people around me. (Thank you so much for explaining that this is not the case). These times are less so now as I have returned to activities but find these deep and scary feelings of loneliness can still really sneak up on me. Note: I have been that person you talk about who has used work all her life (workaholic) to keep from feeling lonely. I now realize why long holiday weekends like the 4th of July always bring me down! Listening to this helped me so much including the visualization. I could feel the feelings when I was 7 when I was feeling unheard, not special, not unique. (Which I now realize has carried through my whole life). I could feel myself comforting my young self saying: You are special. There is no one else like you. You have unique worth to offer this world/people. It makes me realize what a different person I might have been if I had felt this assurance as a child. I do not fault my parents. They did the best they could. I am just grateful for this understanding now and I hope I can learn to effectively lessen these feelings when they surface again. Thank you! I am grateful to you for your video!

I'm so lonely that i feel like dying! This feeling hits harder especially at night.

Thanks, Noah.

Brilliant summary Noah, great video and meditation towards the end. For me personally, the works of John Bradshaw, especially the book Homecoming gave immense support and understanding, this is really deep work, sometimes exhausting and upsetting but worth it 100%. :) Thanks for this great guidance.

Ty Noah ,your helping me a lot to overcome my lonely feelings and thoughts, and not look to others to validate my life alone, and enjoy my time alone, until my lady walks into my life, and I'm comfortable enough with myself to not drive her away! Ill share your videos with friends :D

Love it 😍

This has been very valuable and since my partner has vacationed away for 16 days it has highlighted a few things for me. Thanks Noah.

Yay you're back :D

IMO the root of loneliness is not having had the possibility to introject the love of and the connection with a parent during early childhood. It creates a void inside that one will probably have to deal with for the rest of one's life. Love of/for a partner can fill this void momentarily, but there will always be remains of it. The best antidote consists of having strong bonds with people around us. Not just one, like a partner, because that makes us too vulnerable in the event of a break up. Loving and caring the inner child does help a lot too, but I don't think it will ever be enough to make the void disappear completely.

Thank you.

Thank you😊

Loneliness is not feeling unsafe for me… it’s the feeling of not sharing with someone who you can connect with and make it be mutual.

I ended every single addiction I feel I had and my relationship was ended. I am finding myself again. Thank you for your videos.

Great content. 👍.

Hi Noah thank you for this. My loneliness comes from childhood trauma. It's really surfaced the last few years and have been suffering with these feelings and depression and anxiety. I also acknowledge that I didn't have the tools as a mum to comfort my two sons, adults now, and so I feel guilty for what I didn't give them because o was lacking in myself. The emotions of all this from my own past and from being and mum has hit me like an express train the last couple of years and my life has changed beyond recognition i a bad way to what is was. Having some very dark thoughts about my own childhood and also about my parenting. In so much pain I don't know where to begin. I have clung on to other people for safety and emotional security and it does not work. I also clung on to my youngest son to fill this need for safety and connection and he has now gone and moved away and can feel he is distancing himself from me and this makes me feel even more alone now. Always looked to others for safety and emotional needs as unable to meet them myself so now completely alone with all this plus depression and anxiety to deal with on top. Do you recommend a type of therapy for this or how in God's name can I ever get my life together it feels over and am barely functioning now. A few years ago I was active busy and on the go all the time I now see this was all distraction and it's all hit me like a sledge hammer. Any thoughts or advice or guidance would be great. Thank you.

Thank you

Thank you so much it helped me a lot, but can you please do one more video for better understanding.

It helped, I felt that my inner child needed to be slightly jostled and treated slightly rough I'n a good way, to perk me up , to build confidence, not over codling. BTW you do great work thank you

Helpful content. Thank you. Excessive ads?

I would love to give Noah a big, long hug...

We aren't supposed to be alone all the time, cause we're a tribal species. If you were outcast by the tribe in hunter gatherer tribes you would die. Couldn't survive alone. It's why solitary confinement is a punishment. A tribal society would consider leaving a small child screaming in a crib alone torturing the child.

In my childhood I had one friend and I never felt lonely, now I have more than 2,500 friends and I have never been more alone.

Thankyou

I came apart at the seams, in a good way!

Noah I’d love to hear you talk more about being safe living in community now, feeling safe in interdependence. Particularly men I think often feel v autonomous as adults and perhaps American culture has a part in this. A woman with very small children for example may be much more reliant on community and their partner and family, literally for survival and also thriving for them and their children. Feeling safe and held and strong in this vulnerable position takes...

Connection with God cures that dreadfull lonleyness 😊

Thanks Noah.. the fantasy figure who can make me (child) feel save, was great, and felt so warm..! For me it was nils holgerson and his hamster, haha :) (no joke).

Thank you for this. It's good to have a reminder to check in first, to recognise when something is more like a reactivation of something already inside you, and to greet it and see what it needs. I'm curious about your thoughts on skillfully using the external world when we experience uncomfortable emotions. Ideally you would check in and instantly heal all your wounds forever, but my intuition tells me it's not *absolutely* wrong to "use" people to address our loneliness. We do it for good reason. But it helps to be more aware of it, and aim to not hurt others. I'm wondering where the boundary there lies. I also have the intuition that loneliness (or any emotion) really isn't the problem. It's a blessing. It's communicating something. And when we don't acknowledge that message and understand it (which also isn't bad, it has its benifits, it can be painful to hear or it's unsafe to have intense emotions), it gets louder, more painful, maybe expresses itself in different ways. I would love to hear your thoughts on that.

Hello my friend Noah I tell my family about you. ❤

If life gives you lemons Make orange juice Let the world figure out how uou did tha

I'm 48 years old (female), and you made me realize from watching your therapy that this whole time I was feeling lonely was because I was adopted. My mom left me when I was an infant and I ended up being adopted at 11 months old, and this must be the reason why I feel so insecure and lonely at 48. Thank you for making realize where it was coming from. Now I have to figure out how to DEAL with it. I don't know if I can CURE it, though. Will I be like this forever?

It seems to be the right reasoning. I had nightmares in my childhood and slept in one bed with my mother for quite a long time. This is why as and audult I am so bound to my mother. While being on a journey and distant from her I sporadically feel unsafe,anxious and cant't focus.So have to call back home. She soothes me down and I am rejuvenated.

i had trouble feeling loneliness. I felt the feeling of rejection: is that a form or loneliness? Thank you for this talk

i didwork on my inner child and years later this loneliness stuff hascome up again

The Greeks described an emotion as a 'disturbance' - "emovare" eh-moh-vah-reh

I genuinely have love for you Noah. But as a mental health counselor to troubled boys, and as somebody who's receiving admission to some of the best Master's MFT programs, I am frustrated by this situation. You taught me nearly everything I know. I was able to cure my anxiety disorder because of your videos, and this past year I went on a journey to demonstrate how CBT can be used to treat anxiety and have a book about it coming out soon. So i'd like to ask you, what do you think about CBT now that you've adopted more of a psychoanalytic perspective?