How To Forgive Someone Who Isn't Sorry 

“It’s giving up our demand for a better past” - wow thank you for sharing

'It happened to me but it isn't about me.' 'Take full responsibility for how you feel without taking the blame for the abuse'

"Take responsability but not the fault" Thank you for these words Dr. Paul! My mother has NPD, and it is taking everything I've got to get over her last episode. I am in the "saving my life" mode right now after her bite. I watch your videos every day! They help me be a better mom, spouse, and friend.

Teared up listening to Karen story. "It could have been anyone. what kind of kids get abused? Kinds that were available to the abuser. She was abused not because of who she was but because of who he(abuser) was." Deeply touched by these words. This video and this channel is pure gold

You always hear to Forgive, but never told or taught how to do it

I've just come across you're video on forgiveness.I found it to be extremely concise, compassionate and comprehensive. Thank you.

"Forgiveness is giving up the demand for a better past" wow, that was powerful, thank you.

Hearing Elizabeth Smart talk about forgiveness being for herself was life changing for me, it wasn’t for anyone else, it’s for us. Great video thank you ❤️

I love the analogy with the snake.. naturally we know to get the venom out. The snake becomes less important, we may never find it. The body goes in protective mode, but we have to put the priority to what is most important. The person that hurt you is the "snake," and that hurt is the "venom." Revenge is the "rock" used to try to hurt the snake for biting you. Forgiveness is the "antidote."

It;s kind of like when you were younger and you get into a fight with a friend and he punches you in the face, but after that you both say sorry. Forgiveness is a decision but the next day doesn't mean your jaw is not going to hurt.

This is still a tough one for me. I know it wasn’t my fault or had nothing to do with me ... but it affected me and my whole life in a way that I hardly haven’t been able to function as a human.

I truly have to say this channel has changed my life, I've learned so much to on how to live a better life. Thank you

Ugh, I'm not crying. Such a great video. Thanks for sharing that story.

I was about to not click on this video, thank God i did, i loved it!

Yes, this makes a lot of sense, a portion of my past (7 years with an abusive x) no longer matters because I have fixed my life (home, job, self-esteem) and spent 11 years learning, healing, growing, putting theories in to practice. So I forgive my xh for the violence and abuse because it no longer matters. Yet it is harder to completely put aside the fact that my Mum raised me to have no sense of myself at all. My mother is a well-intentioned person but my childhood still matters and I guess my childhood will always matter. But yes, you're right, I'm not the judge and in the rest of my life and philosophy, I believe that I am tolerant and tolerate everything except judgement. I am trying to get to know my children, to SEE their real selves and allow them their emotions, negative as well as positive. You are very articulate.

I have listened to a lot of different people regarding forgiveness from Pastor's to psychologist's and this is the 1st time I have truly understood and accepted what i should do, why I should do it and how to really forgive. Thank you. "When the student is ready....."😅

I'm glad I've learned the value of forgiveness in my life. Every day after 30 had been lived with fully forgiving others, it took me a bit longer learning to prioritize self forgiveness just the same. What a difference this has made.

i think that's the toughest thing that prevents me to get to forgiveness. that they are not sorry, they won't even admit it, and it doesn't even matter to them. The sense of injustice and there's this incredible disbelief that they got away with so much. omg it's so hard but i don't want to hold myself hostage by my past either

Stay strong sensitive souls❤️❤️ you all deserve love and kindness ❣️

I need to and will watch this over and over again - this is so helpful. Thank you, Dr. Paul.

Yes! I love your loving directness and I will be sharing this my clients who need to understand what forgiveness is and is not!!!!

I've watched many videos on forgiveness but none of them have touched on the experience of being hurt like this one has. I've never had a problem forgiving people before even in experiences where one would be expected to hold a grudge, but this one thing hit me hard and continues to poison my mind. I don't think I've forgiven that person yet but I accept that forgiveness is something I need to practice. That's why I return here every few months to remind myself of the feeling this video gave me. I know the information well and I knew it all before I ever watched the video, but the delivery gave me something that I couldn't give myself. That's why I keep coming back. I hope that it helps others as it has helped me.

Learning how the mind is connected to the body, is medicine!

God bless you Dr Paul. I was looking for an answer like this for months!!! Thank you🙏

Accept the fact that there is evil in the world and try to avoid it.

Wonderful video as always. Thank you so much Dr Paul

Wow! Thank you so much. I learned a few new insights that were so helpful.

Bitterness tears your heart apart...well said.

Wow this is brilliant, thank you! I can apply this.

Thank you for your time. I appreciate you so much.

I’m astonished! This is a life saver. Thank you so very much!

Amazing video - thank you very much

Great video! Thank you for sharing!

This video came at a great time for a great struggle I'm having with my husband. Thank you for clarifying what forgiveness really is, and breaking down how both a grievance and forgiveness is formed, and steps to forgive others! I'll be listening to these videos every day so it gets in my psyche!

Thank you very much for answering my question and it’s very helpful. Have a good day

I really like your style too. Thank God for you! 😗

Oh WOW!!! Honestly i think you're absolutely amazing but this video WOW i SO needed to hear this. THANK YOU MUCH LOVE AND RESPECT!!! 😊🤗

I really like your personality and the way you put things. And your advice is priceless!

I stumbled on your channel a few hours ago. My personal view so far is that forgiveness IS something that is granted to someone who merits it. What you seem to be describing is more akin to what I would describe as letting go, something I have trouble doing.

Wow, your video is a god sent, I have been dealing with a situation in which I have had a super hard time granting myself permission to forgive someone that has caused me a great deal of heart and soul pain. My personal story: A few years ago I met a man from the music industry, Well to make a long story short, in a matter of three weeks I was running for cover, and I mean closing my home door to that individual because by the time he was done with me I felt raped, For Real! If a woman says that she doesn't want to have sex, the man should NOT question her, he should back off and NOT want to force himself on the woman, Period!

Loved this!!

Watching this video again after 3 full years and makes a lot of sense

This doc is awesome, good character and good advices.

Bless you, Massive help

Very helpful. thank you. Great channel. A monk saw a scorpion on a leaf in water about to drown. he lifted it up and put it on the ground to save it but got stung repeatedly. A passerby asked why he would do such a thing. The monk replied 'it is the scorpions nature to sting and mine to save it.'

Wish I'd have known this years ago, but I recently learned how freeing this process is. Thanks for giving it words. Love.

Thank you for this

wow. that feels better, thank you. thank you.

I needed to hear this. My sincere thank you.

Thanks. Very interesting video. So spot on!

Thank you so much for your videos, tips and humour! It is all very helpful, best wishes!

Those first four (phony) steps were really funny once I realized they were a set up, lol. Thank you for the advice, for your energy in putting together your script, and for your practical advice.

I'm discovering your channel and I like it sooooooo much! The way you re helping us to empowering our live, our choices and our decisions, your pedagogy and your very good sense of humor. I'm smiling and sometimes laughing in front of my phone. I also like - but don't know how to say it correctly in English - the way you are speaking of humans problems... Like we have it all in common in some way so we re like a big team, facing the same. This is heartwarming and in someway it does make the probleme less overwhelming . I really enjoy it 😁

Thank you so much. This has really blessed me.

Ha! Such a heavy topic addressed in an entertaining and sometimes funny way. GREAT delivery! We can't demand a better past, you're right. It's also a great plan, as you suggest, to choose feel victorious. I'm enjoying your videos, thanks.

It really is a great video. Thank you so much! I'm still trying to understand how to apply the "don't take it personally" thing. Some things really do feel like they couldn't happen to just anyone (who isn't me). Especially family issues...

Why should you forgive someone who isn't sorry? Even God requires that we first ask him for forgiveness...

“Write a new story “ excellent advice .

Fantastic! Thank you so much ❤❤❤❤❤

Thank you for sharing your wisdom 🙏☘

You are a very gifted man , thank you , x

thank you for this message. . it helped me a lot. now , I am free of all the hatred and pain . I learned to let go. thanks for guiding me. I've downloaded this video and watched it over and over again. until it sank in.. and now I feel better. . . thank you very much. God bless you always!

You are a great person and a psychologist. Your kind of psychology is unusual as it goes deeper than the usual one. It comes from experience combined with humanity. Thank you very much for your videos, they are helpful.

Fantastic!

You truly have a gift!! respect!!!🙏🙏🙏

Wonderful presentation. Full if truth. BUT.......I I had not been born again in Christ, I would never had the opportunity to be here and grow. Thanks.

Well as a abuser and someone who got abused, this is a danger of either forgiveness or revenge

Thank You so much.

Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping your enemy will die.

I have been with you for a short time but I have changed a lot to control my anger with my little boy and control emotion to my exhusband.

Your a hero!!!! Thank u for everything u do!!

It’s pretty sad that videos that benefit us the most are the least watched.. I really need to learn to take it less personal.. I’m just not sure how to

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

My son sacrificed everything he had for people who wouldn’t even wipe his brow for him now that he’s so close to the fire. Pray for my son and those like him. They disguise their pain for anger to justify inflicting harm on another.

I love this! 😊

You are a brilliant man

Wow! Thank you 🙏

You are amazing sir.

Amazing advice

"Without Goliath, David is just some punk kid throwing rocks " Karen's story reminded me of mine. But - I'll never stop fighting for myself and my family.

It's the first time I've searched about this and I can't believe I've found a story which is 100% similar to mine. Sure, this video really helped a lot. Thanks for this. But I still can't find forgiveness in my heart. I can still feel anger everytime I remember what happened. I still have the trauma. And the fact that my stepfather passed away just last month, I'm feeling so miserable. I don't know what to feel. But yeah, thanks for this. Keep doing videos like this.

Sometimes the forgiveness isn't for them Its for you. It helps to relieve the burden of the pain they caused you especially when there is nothing more you can do to solve the problem. I experienced this in my.own life when my fiance was murdered 3 weeks b4 our wedding by someone he was suppose to be helping. I still to this day do not know who the person was that ended his life. At the time we were told it was an accident. The grief I felt was more than I could handle. I forgave whoever did it because I couldn't carry the emotional burden of dwelling on him and having hate and bitterness in my heart. Instead I focused on my grief and my loss. In life you got to pick your battles.

I really like this video!

I would like to thank you for your advice and I struggle with unforgiving and it was quite hard to do it but I really appreciate your help

I'd love to but im 50 in February ever lived with borderline person personality all my life and I'm overwhelmed I can't wait for it to be over

My son was asked by my parents to take on the responsibility of POA if they needed. There came a day when Dad was gone and Mom was no longer able to make her own decisions. My sister took him to court, falsely accused my son of dastardly evil, got POA for herself, went into Mom's house, took all the family heirlooms and photos, sold everything she didn't want, and sold the house. All without my knowledge and without Mom's permission or knowledge. I was forbidden to visit my mom, and did not see her the last year of her life. Then I was not even told when she died. I found out when I was sent court papers, since I was listed as an "interested party", and at the top of one of the pages was handwritten the words "Ward is deceased". This was two months after Mom was dead. I was devastated. Still am. Family photos of genearations past, photos of myself as a little girl, photos of my kids, things my parents had willed to me and my sons..all gone. And no way to say goodbye to my mom or comfort her as she lay dying. I HATE my sister, and forgiveness has been impossible. I have been trying to forgive. I have read books and watched countless videos, and I had come to the conclusion that I had neither the knowledge of how to nor even the capacity to ever forgive. Then I saw this video. And I think I know how now. My forgiving her will not let her off the hook for the despicable things she did. It will not change the past either, nor right the wrongs that were done. But forgiving her will release me from the bondage of hate, the chains of the past, and will let me live for today and move unfettered into tomorrow. That is my hero story. I am the hero casting off the filth and chains her actions created, the hero who is moving into tomorrow as a whole, peaceful, powerful woman. I get it now, and from the bottom of my heart, I thank you for the gift you gave me. 8:00 pm, July 20, 2021, the time and date of my liberation.

Thank-you for this. Especially about framing it so it's not personal and viewing it as the perpetrator owns that behavior---and that it has nothing to do with who you are. I was bullied everyday as a kid (by the same group of girls k-8) then I would come home and get relentlessly put down by my older brother. He never showed me any real affection until we were adults and even then it feels weird for him to be nice. But, I still try to be open. Anyway, the constant teasing all day long made me convinced that there must be something about me that makes me undeserving of acceptance. I only felt safe and at peace when I was alone in my room, so I became extremely shy and developed major social anxiety. To this day, I get nervous meeting up with groups of women (I recently had a baby and going to a baby and me group was important but also hugely nerve wracking as being in a group of girls again was a huge trigger), but I can't tell you how much more confidence I would've had if someone had told me IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

Wonderful video sir.

Excellent

This happens even everyday with me😑 the day I started sensing and now I m 20 yrs and this is never ending process .

This was very good especially how to stop seeing yourself as a victim even though you where. I can’t see doing it when you still have contact with the person on a regular basis.

In April 2021 with 38, 825 views of this video it appears this video resonates with a lot of people.😉Along with a few other of your video's slowly it feels like I can move forward on a betrayal which also involves deep concern for two senior dogs that need protecting. It has been 10 months of working on the betrayal issue. 🙃Yes, I hired a Canadian coach and need to find another avenue. Revisiting this video was helpful, especially when the negative self talk starts up and that feeling that it was so "unfair" that this happened at all. Time to learn more on how to handle myself in these challenging times. 🤔 Yes, Dr. Paul, this is how things roll down here on earth. Yes, Dr. Paul, we will be able to handle it as evidence from a lot of previous challenges in ones path and that we handled those as well-maybe not in the best way but it was handled and lessons were hopefully learned. Yes, Dr. Paul, trillions of people have felt the way we have felt and more will in the future. We are not alone. 😉 It is the way things are down here on earth, love, hate, challenges, victories, and eventual growth are all part of life. Time to reach out, even if it costs money, to learn how to live our best life. One reply from Live on Purpose TV that I received was that we do our best realizing that we have limitations. Now that is another point to learn to accept eh! ⭐️😷 Dr. Paul, I hope you are staying safe during these intense times during the pandemic. Thank you again.💯🇨🇦

Nice explanation

It's Easy. Don't Judge them. Then there's nothing to Forgive!!! The Great Secret!🖤

Thank u much appreciated

Yeah it's hard my mother isn't sorry nor is anyone that has pushed me into wanting to end it!

Awesome

I dont forgive people that are not sorry. I cut them out of my life.

Thank you so much! You are a gift to suffering people.

good stuff