How to Get Married 

What do you think of our alternative marriage? What would be in yours? Let us know in the comments or we have a discussion going on right now our app available free here: goo.gl/PTc6PJ

We just modeled our wedding based on this video :D We got married on Aug 18, 2018.

There's nothing more romantic than rational mutual understanding!

"I will choose to love the broken child within you..." Truly beautiful words

This is a good thought, but I can't help but think it seems rather...clinical

That was actually strange, but it still makes more sense than any conventional wedding I've seen.

I am single right now but I've decided that I will let my future partner watch this video once the relationship gets serious and we consider getting married. Let's see what kind of reaction I will get! That should tell a lot. :) Thanks for such a brilliant idea!

My first reaction was like omg cheesy stuff but when the couple exchanged promises to treat the failed and broken person in there with kindness I was moved

The exchanging of photographs of when they were children, and the speech after it evoked quite a strong sense of understanding (of other people) for me.

Wow. This is like a Catholic wedding, but rather than proclaiming that all humans are wretched sinners in a distant, almost anonymous way, the guilt and shame of this ceremony is bespoke. Kudos!

This made me cry... the part where they exchanged pictures of themselves as children and said their vows after that... Oh my god. This is beautiful.

This is so important. Weddings aren't about decorations. They're about people. And struggle. And coming together.

This feels more like a support group than a wedding, especially when the audience talks in unison lol. "Hi, my name is Emily, and I am an idiot sandwich." "Hulloo, Emily. We are idiot sandwiches too"

Just a thought. If all marriage ceremonies were like this, nobody would get married. This ceremony is very deep and intimate. Not for the faint of heart. Would I have a ceremony like this? You bet your sweet ass I would!!!!!!

It's a neat idea to have a marriage that will underline what could go wrong in their couple to attempt of making them prepared of the challenges they will face by been together, BUT I feel it is equally important to also underline the good aspects too. After all, they don't get married just to know each other's faults, but also share the good moments of living.

I officiate weddings on occasion. The basic ceremony I have written, from which each couple is invited to create their own addresses some of this, but nowhere near so profoundly or clearly as you have. This is beautiful.

I like the humility part and it can be added into some part of the vows but not the whole part of it... it is as if like they keep reminding you over and over again how imperfect and broken you are like life does not remind you enough... It's kind of dejecting.

That book of imperfection should be a compulsory exchanged items at any wedding!

I found this to be a surprisingly emotional experience. It felt, unlike so many traditional ceremonies full of hocus-pocus statements and religious references, meaningful.

This is really interesting, I wonder how the idea of marriage and weddings will change in the future. Most of the people I know that have gotten married recently don’t have any ties with religion, but have gone along with their parents wishes/religious beliefs. It would be interesting to see what happens a few generations down the line when people don’t feel like they have to follow their parents beliefs - if their parents don’t believe in anything.

Just want to say I have really enjoyed the School of Life content, I don't agree with everything but I always find it thought provoking and learn something new, which should be the hope of any discourse :)

It is a step in the right direction. But do we really mean what we say to each other when standing up there? Or are we simply playing along with pomp and circumstance.

I liked it. It was so honest and realistic in a beautiful way.

These sort of confessions belong in the dating period....long before the wedding.

We are getting married (again) in two weeks. After 7 years together we've learned so much about each other and ourselves. We've worked so hard at healing and understanding, compassion and humility. I'm so pleased I found this video. We're going to incorporate this into our wedding. Thank you!

I could be wrong, but from what I understand, this has the essence of the basic idea behind the first noble truth in Buddhism

I actually love this!!!! So much. I would get married in a blink if the current ritual was more like this one, instead of the generally accepted one that prioritises ideals that lie predominantly in obscene over-consumption, show of excess, people-pleasing and dated vows.

Haha, *we are all broken* 😂😂😂 Damn that was depressing AF

How many of these marriages fail?

This is splendid. Not only will the Ritual of Humility bear the imperfections to their mates, but to themselves. Admittedly, people are forgetful and must be reminded of their minor confessions. When compared to contemporary marriage ceremonies, I recommend this version wholeheartedly. It would be nice to add that these confessions are not told to equip the other with a barbed arsenal of esteem-stripping coercion, but out of faith, confidence, and trust in the integrity and health of their officiated bond. -Rashid, an xNTP.

creative 😍 I wish I could marry and have a wedding this wise way 💔

Their vows are rooted in reality and not false expectations. They made themselves completely vulnerable to each other so that they can be aware of the subtle intricacies that makes them who they are. The School of Lifes' approach to what they call alternative marriage, is very thought provoking; insightful.

Does anyone notice the imbalance between marriage and divorce. It's super easy to get married and super difficult to get divorced.

This is absolutely the way to get married... With honesty and love right from the start. 💗

It is worth remembering that he average marriage conceptions and expectations vay from place to place.

What a wonderful video! Thanks School of Life! You've changed my life in so many ways. I'm crying on the bus right now. Tears of happiness and clarity. Thanks again.

When she turned to the guy and asked "simon, do you accept you are a failed and broken human being?" I audibly went "OOF!" It caught me by surprise!

Gosh! I loved it! Everybody needs to watch it. Please put portuguese subtitles! And also, will there be a Portuguese version of the book?

The bride is goddamn gorgeou.

Only wedding to actually have pulled at my heart strings. 😂

This is absolutely wonderful! ❤️

This is so lovely you're doing really amazing work Alain!

Before the marriage sign a prenup.

Wow, i love that concept. Wish i did that for my wedding.

As a wedding, no! As a prewedding/engagement private fiancé -fiancee ceremony, yes ( Maybe with few family or friends who are/will pledge to be support system or role models of the future marrieds)

I was desperate to get married even though I’m still young until I saw a video on the news showing an arranged marriage where a twelve year old girl had to marry an 18 year old boy in a poor country and it made me so sad. She was expected to stay home and cook and clean and lose her complete identity. I’m lucky that i live in the USA where I can marry whomever I want to. I hope more countries get on board with this.

Interesting. It opened up a lot like marriage counseling, but I dig the humanity and honesty in all that was said. I especially like the tolerance toward one another's inner children and the "we do" as opposed to "I do" and "I do," if the vows are the same. The chanting back from the audience kind of weirded me out a little, but I also understand. I don't know if I would be comfortable saying such things in front of an audience myself, but maybe that hints to some insecurity in me?

Loved this. Though it is an amalgamation of most of your past videos on relationships. It's beautifully honest, authentic grasp at the individuals failings and embracing of their very human "humanness ". Thanks for this

Maybe the grand expectations, bursting of illusions is beautiful in and of itself. Maybe that's what life's about. Do you think there is such a thing as trying too hard to get it right?

I'm getting married in October and this is really helpful. Showed it to my wife to be and she also enjoyed the insights.

Amazing work. Thank you

People are full of themselves. I wonder who would stand in front of other people and say what are their flaws and shortcomings... especially during their wedding, which is simply a way to show off their love and status. Yeah

Is it necessary to get married? What I mean is : Is it really necessary? Because I don't see myself doing it.

All relationships need this kinda start.

I would actually get married this way. Seems unusual but it's way more realistic.

i almost cried this was beautiful. it also did not actually compromise any of the usual parts of a traditional wedding

I'm amazed to find that people with similar thing as of mine exist in the world, I thought myself crazy and worrying too much, but hey I'll defenitely meet there team behind "School of life " one day and we will change the world.

This is so much better than traditional weddings! But if I could choose, I'd rather get married quite alone, without family and friends, to concentrate on us instead of others, ceremony or tradition. I was so stressed out that I was truly unhappy. After 15 years I now understand the deep meaning of my vow, but it's too late and I deeply regret it. The wedding shown here would be more sincere, sensible and conscious...

Rituals are fine if the attendants are sincere and humble towards the couple. Let's all make this our goal; pragmatic and honest happiness!

Your voice is calm and relaxing I could listen to it all day long.

This was beautiful & inspiring!

I really like that you guys are not wasting resources for captioning and using the youtube’s auto captioner. Thank you

This is some powerful knowledge and wisdom. Truly. This should be shared with kids in high school. Imperfectly beautiful, harshly realistic, but refreshing and liberating. Excellent job!!!

why getting married?

I loved this. I never wanted to have a wedding because I didn't like the ritual (the one I often saw growing up in a Catholic/Christian culture). Always thought people looked so sad at their wedding ceremonies. I wanted to look and FEEL happy and joyful with the decision of getting married. Thanks for sharing this. Xo ❣❣❣

This video gives you a lot of ideas on how marriage works, and the responsibilities that lie ahead.

This 'real-life' versions of your videos are so down to earth!

Great video connecting the dots.

Also we need video on " How to make the transition from" single" ?" :D

This was so beautiful 😭❤️👏🏼

it's scary how relevant this topic is to me rn. keep up the good work, guys!

Perfect. Truth is so touching. I'm crying here. And I NEVER cry in marriage cerimonies.

Thank you for this inspiring truth!

I love it. I think I'm g0ing to show this at my wedding and do something similar.

I gasped! Absolutely mind-blowing! This will make it to my wedding FOR SURE!

Wonderful! Brilliant! Love it so much!

The exchange of childhood photos was especially beautiful to me.

I fucking hated my wedding. It was for everyone else and had nothing to do with me. I cried before, during, and after. It was so horrible to have my relationship go public like that. On the other hand, lots of hungry people were fed (the wedding was open to the village community). Candles were lit and bread was broken. There was holiness. My experience of my wedding was as bipolar as my higher self and lower self.

Good stuff! ❤️

Oh man that is such a good marriage :) I especially liked the part at 4:28 about being children inside :) , and about the compassion that we (typically or should) show children but not so often adults.

I welcome this wholeheartedly

The question should be WHY. The ceremony is not about love, is about the image the others have of the couple. Is way more about society rather than relationship. This is theatrical and fake. You don't need anyone to know how and what you feel about someone except that other person. We live in an age where celebrities and youtubers want to have big proposals and big ceremonies and show people that this is desirable, when it is all just sellfish. A need to find in others the approval that you can't find or provide yourself. You want to have a good marriage, start by not having a ceremony, by just going home alone with someone you find special and say everything you want to say, without writing it, without faking it, without anyone but the one that matters to judge you. You can't ask others to celebrate your love, if you do, is not yours.

Loved it! So cool!!!

This ceremony was full of very interesting, true, and useful ideas that I've seen incorporated into other wedding ceremonies. If I were to get married I would definitely incorporate some of this into a Christian ceremony. Probably not all of the long recitations of the guests, but most of it.

Your channel is changing lives and giving us a meaningful psychological insights about ourselves. Thank you for that.

After watching this I have decided not to marry finally...LOL.

I love this! I need to learn to live this.

I'm not one to cry at weddings, so why is this stuff leaking from my eyes...?

*how to sign away half your wealth.

Wow! Never thought about it this way... It's seaeiously amazing, when I get married I want to have this kind of wedding!!!

Fantástico !!! As "dicas" não valem apenas para um casamento, mas para a vida toda, para todos os relacionamentos

I first need some information on how to have a bachelor party, can you do a video on that?

YES. So real and vulnerable.

I always get a bit misty at weddings. The same happened with this one.

This video is absolutely beautiful with its words. It made me bawl my eyes out. If I were to get married it would be similar vows

I think the words and ideas portrayed here are absolutely true and fitting of marriage. Also they are well suited to address the psychological struggles that modern men and women face (mainly unrealistic expectations), perhaps struggles that are far different than the struggles faced by couples years ago. I wish my Catholic marriage ceremony addressed these modern issues this clearly however I must say I would not trade it for this ceremony because this ceremony seemed to be centered on the psychology of marriage yet lacked transcendence and had little to say about what marriage is. In other words, what was portrayed here in the ceremony was in my view necessary yet insufficient. What makes this couple different from a cohabiting couple with the same attitudes? Is marriage permanent? Is it exclusive? Is it a contract? Need it be ordered toward procreation? Is the couple one flesh, or two individuals? Since marriage transcends time and space (practiced universally for thousands of years), it is logical to conclude that it is transcendental in nature. If indeed it is transcendental in nature, then it cannot be reinvented, all that we can do is bring into greater clarity what exactly it is. I hope to hear other people's thoughts on what I have said.

I wish the lady who plays the bride would do more of her art and architecture analyses; I really enjoyed them!

I would enjoy such a marriage. Too Bad! I've already sworn to never marry.

I will be renewing my vows with this ceremony😀❤

I love this. Will have this ceremony if I ever get married