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Timestamp of the video (mostly for myself): 1- Ignoring 0:56 2- Avoiding eye contact 4:19 3- The use of language 8:37 4- Taking control over your emotions 13:45 5- Removing yourself physically 15:40
- 0:23 🤔 How to handle criticism, negativity, and toxic people - 0:48 🙉 Most effective: Ignore negativity, treat it as if it doesn't exist - 1:15 📝 Busy individuals, celebrities often ignore comments for peace - 2:11 🚫 Recent case: Ignored a heated confrontation, focused on reading - 3:00 🧘♀ Train to mentally block negativity during in-person encounters - 4:19 🚫 Avoid eye contact with negative/toxic individuals - 4:55 👁 Eyes are windows to the soul, avoid allowing negativity in - 6:00 ❌ Difficulty saying no in person, easier over phone or email - 8:00 🔇 Silence after breaking eye contact sends a powerful message - 8:34 🗣 Remaining calm and composed during negativity - 10:02 🔄 Make them repeat negative statements to make them look foolish - 12:41 🤔 Ask "why" to make them explain or reconsider their words - 14:34 🚶♀ Physically walk away or occupy a larger space to assert boundaries - 17:36 🌐 Nobody will protect you but yourself; learn to draw boundaries - 18:46 📈 Enjoy life, be true to yourself, stay away from intentional toxicity
16:19 "No one should take your presence for granted. Your presence is a gift to someone else. Your presence in their life, in that room is a moment to be shared. And if they are not appreciating this, they don't deserve your presence. So learn to walk away when you don't feel comfortable." Read that again :)
I'm so glad you included the part about handling people who are speaking their second language with grace. So many times when I have been speaking Italian (my second language) I realize that I have unintentionally offended someone, and trying to backtrack and explain your intentions when you are embarassed and misunderstood is so hard. My boyfriend and I speak english and Italian together, and sometimes we accidentally say something hurtful because of mistranslation. Whenever it happens, I say "I think you said something you didn't mean, explain it a different way" because I know he loves me and he wouldn't say something to hirt me on purpose. 100% of the time, it was a mistranslation and his words had a different intention. Giving eachother this grace and moment of explanation before getting emotional is a MAJOR KEY in our communication as a multi-lingual couple.
Thank you for this video. It is very useful. I recently had a bad experience where an irate woman ranted at me for a full 5 minutes. I ignored her and she got more furious. I agree with you that arguing with toxic people is not worth our energy. Avoiding eye contact, avoiding the person is the best policy.
I always wait for your videos like a kid , yours presence is angelic Ma'am. May god bless you and your family.Please never stop uploading your content. ☺️
Wonderful content and sound advice, Jamila. You're absolutely right. These are golden rules to live by on a daily basis. By keeping yourself grounded, respectful and calm, mindfully self aware of your defined boundaries and detached from negative people in any odd situation is always the best way to keep yourself safe since it could be even life threatening if we engage with potentially highly toxic and dangerous individuals. Self respect is fundamental and time is always worth investing for your own health, well-being and safety. Thank you so much for your continuous educational support 🙏🏻⚘
Thank you so much ❤I will try these with someone who always asks questions like: “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” Or “Why don’t you have kids?” Or “Why don’t you have a job?” 😅😂
Excellent video Jamila! And I totally agree with the eye contact point. I once was asked for help by someone I knew didn’t have my best interests at heart. They spontaneously video called. I declined the video call, knowing that it would be easier and more effective to keep my boundaries on a voice call. It worked.
Mrs Jamila, Your videos are like a gift, Teaching me to develop, Helping me find new skills. I am grateful to God, For bringing your videos, Your wisdom, to my life. I've learned so much from you, From self-development, To dealing with critics too. I feel blessed to watch your videos, With admiration
I totally agree with what you said Jamila, personally this is how I handle criticism/negativity both personal and online. Listen, reflect, and respond with grace and humility.❤ I hope you are doing well Jamila, take care. Carmen
Jamila as always you are a gift for us that we have opportunities to listen to you and watch your videos! Great advices! Can you please make a video how to remain calm and balanced in these times with so many toxic people and stress. God bless you!
You are a very strong and composed woman. Thank you for your talk on such a difficult topic. You have helped me very much to reflect on things that recently happened to me. I appreciate your thoughts.
Absolutely loved it! You're so elegant and your name reflects the really beautiful person that you are. I will definitely use some of these pieces of advice. Thank you so much!
This was great! I was actually more curious about how to handle/receive criticism when it is actually valuable? Like at work when your boss is giving you critical feedback about how to improve or grow in your career. Or a partner is trying to tell you how you can be providing more in the relationship.
I love this advice. I hate it when I react to negativity in a hasty way because my instinct is to defend myself verbally. But I love the control in these tips.
These are very helpful tips and the last one, which is related open body language is applicable to many format gatherings or situations. Keep going. You are always beautiful.
The "could you repeat that?" and "why did you say that?" technique sounds like a good strategy because it forces them to take responsibility for what they said while the general attention has been drawn to them and their inappropriate words. They'll probably never have the guts to do so, since this type of people are usually cowardly folks.
Thank you so much Jamila for these very wise ideas! They are very useful, but now I live a difficult situation with my brother, including a matter of money. I cannot escape! He is mean to me and he doesn't understand why I feel so much pain because if his words. But I'm gonna try what you said, even with him!
Intelligence agency is hiring smart calm and composed women to be hostage and crisis negotiators. Terrorists will give up hostages more easily when an attractive calm and composed woman is dealing with the negotiation process. Just food for thought. If attractive intelligent women thought outside the box when it comes to their career choices they'd really change the world in a postive way. @@Carmen0777
Thank you for the valuable tips Jamila! Keeping my boundaries is something I should work on constantly. Off topic question: I have bought both of your books and the Art of hosting at home ebook as well. I highly recommend them to everyone! Is there a chance that the ebook will also come out as a phisical book? I would love to see it on my shelf next to the other 2 books. Thank you in advance!
If someone is yelling on me , I can’t just sitting and ignoring this person . Because I physically feel bad at this moment , my heart rate increase , I feel tremor on my arms , and I actually can start crying
I completely understand. Its taken me a long time to even start to overcome this. Practice and listening to these types of videos help. You can overcome it!
Also, if we don't look someone in the eye when they are upset and yelling at us, I feel we will make them more upset. It seems snobbish and cold. I would imagine the best time to ignore and look away is after you've already tried and failed at reasoning with the person. Idk. I was raised Christian, so maybe it's still in me to always want to show love. I ignored a girl who was yelling at me and the man I was with (she was his ex-girlfriend) and I avoided eye contact. A day later she called me and asked me why I didn't even give her the respect to look at her that day she confronted us. I was confused because when the incident happened, I felt I was being more respectful to NOT look at her. It seems we are all different when it comes to what reactions and behaviors are rude or disrespectful. Makes it difficult to get along with others sometimes.
Proverbs 26:4-5 - Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes. The self-confident fool thinks too highly of himself and his opinions, and he shares them freely.
I've never seen somebody say "I don't like your face" in a real life. Although it may be a problem in a blogger community. But isn't it what public people sign up for? I mean lots of attention, both positive and negative. Furthermore, trying to look right when you are wrong is hypocrisy. Isn't it better to admit your mistake and apologize? Frankly, after watching this video I felt quite uneasy. Like all the worst situations happened at once. I would like to hear more examples of cooperation and compassion. But that, probably, comes with age. We are not competing in who puts the other down in a most elegant way. It is much better to create win-win situations.
Dear Jamila, thanks for the very useful advice on how to deal with criticism (esp your advice on maintaining silence while looking at the person). Hope to learn from you how to deal with internal anger in a graceful way... and if someone gets physical (eg push you), how can I respond elegantly without resorting to physical means?
I must respectfully disagree with your advice about asking why someone said something or having them repeat themselves. In my experience, engaging these people only adds fuel to the fire and my time, my intellect and my energy ate precious to me. I do not give myself over to negativity; I DO however have a lovely arsenal of non-verbal weapons such as sighing, rolling my eyes, the "stare of death" to name a few. I can employ them separately or in combination before politely excusing myself from the situation and physically leaving. Works very well for me.
Hi sister ❤️🥰.Thanks much for this video.I also sincerely requested you for this video.First of all,I completely get what you said.So , I'm a teenager and student .So I don't have any part time job.In your last part you told us to physically leave the environment that makes us physically or mentally sick.So what can I do ?I also wanna get out of this toxic environment.But I have nothing to deal with the after hardship if i leave my family.Please give me some suggestions.I really admire you ❤❤❤❤.
I think the same points apply. Make sure to never let them get away with it, stating it's unacceptable. You should prioritise your well-being at all times, too❤
This seems like a video about how to not take criticism. Not all criticism is negative and they exist for a reason and it can help you improve yourself. I saw the title and assumed that the video would be about how to handle it gracefully while taking the chance to actually learning from them and better yourself. But I guess this is not it.
Jamila Musayeva do you realize that most of your advice is considered psychological warfare? By not responding the way the instigator wants and expects you to is a form of psychological warfare, and puts you in charge of the situation.
I think the very first advice was soooo poor If you stop talking and stop reacting to the person you are in a fight with , that represents you are trying to show as if the person is a stupid or just imbesile talking to you There is nothing as such a big insult as not reacting to the person you are in fight with Though Reaction can be- talks about solving the issue Not taking does not salve any problem it just rages the whole situation even more .
I wish I can teach my kids everything you preach. Such a wise and quality woman. Your partner, children, family and friends are so lucky to have you in their lives.
Matthew 5:43-48 New International Version Love for Enemies 43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
Altough Jamila's approach is very valuable I would like to add that it also depends from case to case. Not everything is black or white and sometimes, an angry person is someone that just needs a litlle bit of attention and love. There are no excuses for any type of abuse and no one should put up with it but I'm speaking from my experience here as I once was very angry (I don't remeber exactly the circumstances) however a lovely eldery lady approached me asking me "what's wrong dear?' and her action immediately softened me...I felt heard and felt seen and most importantly, I'll never forget her and her kindness towards me. Her lovely 'manners' served me as a beautiful example that kidness also goes a long way.
Yes, I was thinking the same thing and even left a comment asking if it's OK to try to de-escalate the situation. Ignoring someone might be best if you feel angered and worried about losing composure, but if you are calm, I'd imagine it's good to try to calmly and kindly validate their feelings and then reason with them. If that doesn't work, then at THAT point it seems like a good thing to just ignore. But people that are upset definitely don't want to be ignored...they want to be heard and understood. I know in the past, if I've lost my cool and snapped at someone or yelled/cried about a certain issue, it has been very hurtful and more angering when someone ignores me. It's as if they are saying, "You're feelings do NOT matter to me and I'm indifferent to your existence." Hate that feeling! I had a co-worker respond with such compassion when I was stressed and snapped at her and broke down in tears...She asked me sympathetically what was REALLY going on with me. Was helpful and of course caused me to want to apologize to her. Had a better day after that interaction, which means better interactions with others the rest of the day.
Jesus Christ has a great video on RU-vid about past mistakes, harsh comments and how to move on called "The Sermon on the Mount" ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-6aZs5IKiXhY.htmlsi=nAWCHNYbUFfZRFsU
