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16:19 "No one should take your presence for granted. Your presence is a gift to someone else. Your presence in their life, in that room is a moment to be shared. And if they are not appreciating this, they don't deserve your presence. So learn to walk away when you don't feel comfortable." Read that again :)
Timestamp of the video (mostly for myself): 1- Ignoring 0:56 2- Avoiding eye contact 4:19 3- The use of language 8:37 4- Taking control over your emotions 13:45 5- Removing yourself physically 15:40
Intelligence agency is hiring smart calm and composed women to be hostage and crisis negotiators. Terrorists will give up hostages more easily when an attractive calm and composed woman is dealing with the negotiation process. Just food for thought. If attractive intelligent women thought outside the box when it comes to their career choices they'd really change the world in a postive way. @@Carmen0777
- 0:23 🤔 How to handle criticism, negativity, and toxic people - 0:48 🙉 Most effective: Ignore negativity, treat it as if it doesn't exist - 1:15 📝 Busy individuals, celebrities often ignore comments for peace - 2:11 🚫 Recent case: Ignored a heated confrontation, focused on reading - 3:00 🧘♀ Train to mentally block negativity during in-person encounters - 4:19 🚫 Avoid eye contact with negative/toxic individuals - 4:55 👁 Eyes are windows to the soul, avoid allowing negativity in - 6:00 ❌ Difficulty saying no in person, easier over phone or email - 8:00 🔇 Silence after breaking eye contact sends a powerful message - 8:34 🗣 Remaining calm and composed during negativity - 10:02 🔄 Make them repeat negative statements to make them look foolish - 12:41 🤔 Ask "why" to make them explain or reconsider their words - 14:34 🚶♀ Physically walk away or occupy a larger space to assert boundaries - 17:36 🌐 Nobody will protect you but yourself; learn to draw boundaries - 18:46 📈 Enjoy life, be true to yourself, stay away from intentional toxicity
Altough Jamila's approach is very valuable I would like to add that it also depends from case to case. Not everything is black or white and sometimes, an angry person is someone that just needs a litlle bit of attention and love. There are no excuses for any type of abuse and no one should put up with it but I'm speaking from my experience here as I once was very angry (I don't remeber exactly the circumstances) however a lovely eldery lady approached me asking me "what's wrong dear?' and her action immediately softened me...I felt heard and felt seen and most importantly, I'll never forget her and her kindness towards me. Her lovely 'manners' served me as a beautiful example that kidness also goes a long way.
Yes, I was thinking the same thing and even left a comment asking if it's OK to try to de-escalate the situation. Ignoring someone might be best if you feel angered and worried about losing composure, but if you are calm, I'd imagine it's good to try to calmly and kindly validate their feelings and then reason with them. If that doesn't work, then at THAT point it seems like a good thing to just ignore. But people that are upset definitely don't want to be ignored...they want to be heard and understood. I know in the past, if I've lost my cool and snapped at someone or yelled/cried about a certain issue, it has been very hurtful and more angering when someone ignores me. It's as if they are saying, "You're feelings do NOT matter to me and I'm indifferent to your existence." Hate that feeling! I had a co-worker respond with such compassion when I was stressed and snapped at her and broke down in tears...She asked me sympathetically what was REALLY going on with me. Was helpful and of course caused me to want to apologize to her. Had a better day after that interaction, which means better interactions with others the rest of the day.
Thank you for this video. It is very useful. I recently had a bad experience where an irate woman ranted at me for a full 5 minutes. I ignored her and she got more furious. I agree with you that arguing with toxic people is not worth our energy. Avoiding eye contact, avoiding the person is the best policy.
I'm so glad you included the part about handling people who are speaking their second language with grace. So many times when I have been speaking Italian (my second language) I realize that I have unintentionally offended someone, and trying to backtrack and explain your intentions when you are embarassed and misunderstood is so hard. My boyfriend and I speak english and Italian together, and sometimes we accidentally say something hurtful because of mistranslation. Whenever it happens, I say "I think you said something you didn't mean, explain it a different way" because I know he loves me and he wouldn't say something to hirt me on purpose. 100% of the time, it was a mistranslation and his words had a different intention. Giving eachother this grace and moment of explanation before getting emotional is a MAJOR KEY in our communication as a multi-lingual couple.
I wish I can teach my kids everything you preach. Such a wise and quality woman. Your partner, children, family and friends are so lucky to have you in their lives.
Thank you so much ❤I will try these with someone who always asks questions like: “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” Or “Why don’t you have kids?” Or “Why don’t you have a job?” 😅😂
Thank you Ms. Musayeva. I have watched a few of your videos and each has been filled with helpful reminders and new "On point" teachings of correct etiquette. This video has really been helpful in navigating negative people. I appreciate all the examples you demonstrated. Thank you.
Great advice. That said, your lesson reminds me of my mother coaching me against bullies in elementary school. This made me realize how some people never grow up. Very sad reality.
Wonderful content and sound advice, Jamila. You're absolutely right. These are golden rules to live by on a daily basis. By keeping yourself grounded, respectful and calm, mindfully self aware of your defined boundaries and detached from negative people in any odd situation is always the best way to keep yourself safe since it could be even life threatening if we engage with potentially highly toxic and dangerous individuals. Self respect is fundamental and time is always worth investing for your own health, well-being and safety. Thank you so much for your continuous educational support 🙏🏻⚘
I always wait for your videos like a kid , yours presence is angelic Ma'am. May god bless you and your family.Please never stop uploading your content. ☺️
This was great! I was actually more curious about how to handle/receive criticism when it is actually valuable? Like at work when your boss is giving you critical feedback about how to improve or grow in your career. Or a partner is trying to tell you how you can be providing more in the relationship.
Excellent video Jamila! And I totally agree with the eye contact point. I once was asked for help by someone I knew didn’t have my best interests at heart. They spontaneously video called. I declined the video call, knowing that it would be easier and more effective to keep my boundaries on a voice call. It worked.
Jamila, you are my inspiration . I dont know you in person and never have i met you, but still i want to be like you. I want to polish myself and give an actual mentual glow up to myself. I want to be my best and your videos help me. Thanks alot and may god bless u, our teacher❤
Thank you for this. It's very important to learn and use in action of life. Why do people need to be that way though? We don't do anything on purpose. Times we just exist as a person with thoughts, ideas, goals, visions, happiness, and it happens. You always dish out the absolute best content. Love love love. The "you are not a good person, that is why I am going to leave" has been used and the "are you okay?" It does feel good transmutation of energy negative to positive. Hate to love. These are excellent tips. Thank you doesn't feel to be enough. You are amazing. The best.
Jesus Christ has a great video on RU-vid about past mistakes, harsh comments and how to move on called "The Sermon on the Mount" ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-6aZs5IKiXhY.htmlsi=nAWCHNYbUFfZRFsU
You give great advice and I love all your videos. In America, asking someone to repeat themselves can lead to the person becoming louder and louder, causing a scene. It may have them look like a fool but I don’t know if I would want to bring that attention to myself and my children. I feel like it would be best to disengage conversation.
These are very helpful tips and the last one, which is related open body language is applicable to many format gatherings or situations. Keep going. You are always beautiful.
Mrs Jamila, Your videos are like a gift, Teaching me to develop, Helping me find new skills. I am grateful to God, For bringing your videos, Your wisdom, to my life. I've learned so much from you, From self-development, To dealing with critics too. I feel blessed to watch your videos, With admiration
I totally agree with what you said Jamila, personally this is how I handle criticism/negativity both personal and online. Listen, reflect, and respond with grace and humility.❤ I hope you are doing well Jamila, take care. Carmen
Absolutely loved it! You're so elegant and your name reflects the really beautiful person that you are. I will definitely use some of these pieces of advice. Thank you so much!
Jamila as always you are a gift for us that we have opportunities to listen to you and watch your videos! Great advices! Can you please make a video how to remain calm and balanced in these times with so many toxic people and stress. God bless you!
You are a very strong and composed woman. Thank you for your talk on such a difficult topic. You have helped me very much to reflect on things that recently happened to me. I appreciate your thoughts.
I love this advice. I hate it when I react to negativity in a hasty way because my instinct is to defend myself verbally. But I love the control in these tips.
Matthew 5:43-48 New International Version Love for Enemies 43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
Thank you for this video, it is extremely helpful. I have oftentimes wondered how to deal with situations like this and when they happen to me in the moment, I feel like I don’t know how to react appropriately. Your video has given me the tools to feel prepared for situations like this. All of the tips you give can be used in many different situations. I truly appreciate your expertise.
Tbh, I didn’t need to know about this but when she listed everything and what to do. I found myself doing all of them. I feel it would also be good if you have empathy, you feel more of what Jamila is saying. Its also gentleness the spirit of it
Thank you so much Jamila for these very wise ideas! They are very useful, but now I live a difficult situation with my brother, including a matter of money. I cannot escape! He is mean to me and he doesn't understand why I feel so much pain because if his words. But I'm gonna try what you said, even with him!
The "could you repeat that?" and "why did you say that?" technique sounds like a good strategy because it forces them to take responsibility for what they said while the general attention has been drawn to them and their inappropriate words. They'll probably never have the guts to do so, since this type of people are usually cowardly folks.
Thank you for the valuable tips Jamila! Keeping my boundaries is something I should work on constantly. Off topic question: I have bought both of your books and the Art of hosting at home ebook as well. I highly recommend them to everyone! Is there a chance that the ebook will also come out as a phisical book? I would love to see it on my shelf next to the other 2 books. Thank you in advance!
Also, if we don't look someone in the eye when they are upset and yelling at us, I feel we will make them more upset. It seems snobbish and cold. I would imagine the best time to ignore and look away is after you've already tried and failed at reasoning with the person. Idk. I was raised Christian, so maybe it's still in me to always want to show love. I ignored a girl who was yelling at me and the man I was with (she was his ex-girlfriend) and I avoided eye contact. A day later she called me and asked me why I didn't even give her the respect to look at her that day she confronted us. I was confused because when the incident happened, I felt I was being more respectful to NOT look at her. It seems we are all different when it comes to what reactions and behaviors are rude or disrespectful. Makes it difficult to get along with others sometimes.
If someone is yelling on me , I can’t just sitting and ignoring this person . Because I physically feel bad at this moment , my heart rate increase , I feel tremor on my arms , and I actually can start crying
I've never seen somebody say "I don't like your face" in a real life. Although it may be a problem in a blogger community. But isn't it what public people sign up for? I mean lots of attention, both positive and negative. Furthermore, trying to look right when you are wrong is hypocrisy. Isn't it better to admit your mistake and apologize? Frankly, after watching this video I felt quite uneasy. Like all the worst situations happened at once. I would like to hear more examples of cooperation and compassion. But that, probably, comes with age. We are not competing in who puts the other down in a most elegant way. It is much better to create win-win situations.
Thank you Jamila, I will use your suggestions and specifically I like the fact how you demonstrate assertiveness in your tone. I like most, ignoring even in presence with non verbal cues if required I would like to do minimal talk and disengage with that person assertively when needed as that would work for me
Hi Jamila thank you for the very useful content, can you advise how to deal with insincere behaviours or insincere people? In this video you also talk about the perception of the calmer person seeming to be correct from the outside. What if this insincere person is behaving very calmly but because of their insincere behaviour that lets say I've read it several times enough to be provoked but I stayed calm and is invisible to others. I disengaged but they take their own moments to engage with me and I have no patience for superficial and fake interactions even as simple as a hello at a work place. It really incites anger, how to deal with this can you please advise? Would you still advise disengagement and no response and focus on self?
Thank you so much for creating such inspiring and educational content Jamila! I wish I knew those advice back when I was a teenager. I’ll try to apply them from now on 🙏🏻
Proverbs 26:4-5 - Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest you be like him yourself. Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own eyes. The self-confident fool thinks too highly of himself and his opinions, and he shares them freely.
I completely understand. Its taken me a long time to even start to overcome this. Practice and listening to these types of videos help. You can overcome it!
Mam, how to avoid people in the office. When they pretend to be good and on the other hand at the same time disrespecting us and behaving like they are teaching us something Worthy. At the end it makes me feel empty, furious, and just a waste of time. My whole day just went in vain.
