How To Handle Someone's Explosive Anger: Psychotherapy Crash Course 

1. Don’t get sucked in 2. Build emotional barriers or resistance 3. Know thy self (boundaries, triggers, etc) 4. Be ready to plan to ignore them. (No acknowledgement what so ever) 5. Learn as much as you can about explosive personalities 6. Confront with strategy 7. Don’t engage, walk away 8. Encourage with therapy 9. Medication 10. Pit space between you and the other person for a fair amount of time.

You are so right that once you get sucked in and engage with someone having an explosive outburst, you've lost. I would add, especially if that person is a chronic gaslighter.

I have tried for years to make my marriage work. This is killing me over time. I have been in therapy and am experiencing physical sickness when I am around my spouse. I have slowly started to leave the marriage planning my exit. I recommend people to educate themselves on this brain disorder but to leave a relationship sooner than later and allow the person to help themselves.

This is very helpful for sensitive people like me. It's hard to ignore even if I know ahead.

I've been healing myself from the inside out. When my husband gets triggered it's always the same. I just stand there and listen. The blame is always misdirected and the things he says are so ridiculous. When he is finished, it's usually short lived I continue on with whatever I was doing. I control my emotions and reactions. He has no power to manipulate me into feeling bad anymore. When things are calm I bring up specific things he said. You should never try to hurt or belittle anyone! His anger is rare but I never aggravate the situation.

Thank you for this video! My wife is battling depression and it has turned into anger. Her anger comes out in screaming and punching walls. This makes me shut down. On the days that she's okay, I'm still thinking of the blowup from 24 hours ago smh. Its hard to ignore your wife when she's crying and so hurt. I'm just so fatigued and frustrated by this happening most days of the week. Shes not a fan of therapy but agreed to couples counseling b/c she won't be alone. I keep trying to not take this stuff personal but, its hard not to when all she seem to mention are things ive done or not done to help change her life. The guilt always comes towards me and I do my best for her. Starting to think I'm not emotionally intelligent enough to manage such a highly emotional marriage. I'm going to use these tips to try and gain some peace for myself. Thank you again for the information.

Thank you for confirming the action I took over family members who verbally attacked me and told me I was not part of his family ( my husbands family). My husband became critically ill over 13 weeks and consequently passed away. My husband and I became empowered and comforted in stopping them visiting him and cut them out of our lives , even at the end and they were excluded from the funeral, harsh but given all the facts and ill treatment would bring about understanding such drastic action. Sadly they brought it on themselves and only have themselves to blame, While my husband and I could focus on our incredibly painful parting after 56 years together. Carol McCooke

Thankyou for the video.I have a 24year old son who has been full of rage and anger for years now.its so destructive and toxic.Anger is control and manipulation.Anger is FEAR based behaviour.Walk away.its so hard to do but I'm still shaking from being completely abused,manipulated and controlled this morning.im terrified of my son and I'm a 54 year old man.I get verbally attacked several times a week.i am an absolute wreck at the moment.The lies,manipulation and verbal terror are not worth it.I thought my shoulders were big enough to bear this but no man can bear this.walk away.no matter how hard it is.It has taken me years to do this.Take your power back.Know yourself.Have a plan.Fantastic advice.Thankyou again.Love and Respect to you all.

Sounds like how to deal with yourself. How to deal with anger that controls you? Ignore ??? Can’t ignore when you have to live with them. The triggers begin when the day starts.

Any disagreement my wife and I have, usually goes like this. Something happens, I want to discuss it. She claims complete innocence, than denies doing anything. Even when I repeat word for word. Then I'm told I'm wrong, and I need to be a big boy and accept responsibility for whatever the issue is. Than she goes into full 'i don't exist mode'. That's when I start to get angry and will say things I don't mean just to see if cares. She wins every time. I'll have to learn to ignore her and walk on It's just hard when you live with somebody and they know how to get under your skin.. I need to learn how to step back and walk away, even though I'm the type of person that likes to discuss pros and cons of everything. I'm a communicator. So silence is hard for me..

I do exactly as you said in video and it helps. But when it happens I am out of energy for a couple of hours.

I love you lr channel. Very informative. I was triggered a bit when you spoke of ignoring since I was raised by a narcissistic mother and dated a narcissist that used the silent treatment to try to make me feel as if they are the victim. The difference between a victim ignoring vs a cluster B using the silent treatment is that cluster b always use it to not only play victim but most importantly, punish and to seek control. They also refuse healthy communication, cannot take any criticism no matter how kind, are uncomfortable with vulnerability and compromise. As someone victimized by a cluster B...I was ignored, even when I attempted to communicate respectfully, honestly, transparent and with respecting boundaries. I remind myself of that so I can manage my triggers when I hear the strategy of ignoring. I also use that strategy when dealing with someone who is explosive and aggressive. They seek attention and dominance.

So glad I found your channel! It’s been tough trying to get a handle on my husband’s explosive anger, especially with the pandemic constantly a difficult topic and his lack of support due to not being ready for treatment. Thankfully he has an appointment soon with a professional, but in the meantime I sobered up so I don’t get sucked in! Excited to learn more!

This was a great information. Thank you. I am learning not to react but respond . You are absolutely correct. You have to set up boundaries and not let them suck you in.

Another helpful video Tamara. Thanks for helping ! I wish you all the best and I’m looking forward for the next video 😀✌️

The worse people to deal with are angry miserable people . Dealt it with my mother , my spouse now my daughter . I can’t get away

I learned to do this some years back and it deflated the perp (my older sibling). In return, my physical safety was often in jeopardy. There were a couple of people at risk who I had to choose to protect. So I had to conjure up another tactic to go about life safely living under the same roof. Knowing one’s own triggers is crucial in my opinion. Thank you for this video.

Thank you so much for this information. It’s making a difference in my home.

Wow, I just listened to your RU-vid talk on anger n it fits so well into my situation with my husband of 27 years. He used to be the sweetest man but n the past few years since he has been retired he explodes at the most unexpected times and gripes me out and tells me that I am a terrible wife, etc and that everything is all my fault. I immediately copied your 5 rules and it was just like u were talking to me.!!! It really helped me n I will definitely try your advice. I don't really want to get a divorce and it makes me so sad that he has turned into a different person lately . I have subscribed n will keep checking in with you. Thank You, Thsnk you, I even listened to it twice n excuse my spell mistakes. You're an Angel!!

This is fantastic, and helpful information!

Great job Tamara!

I found this video while searching intermittent explosive disorder because I suspect that’s what my partner has. I don’t know for sure because he won’t go to therapy because he doesn’t “believe” in it, and when he did go he bragged during one of his explosive rants about purposely blocking the therapist out and “saying anything” and not being truthful. He will do anything to avoid admitting he has a problem, and resents me for calling it out. Until now, no one has ever cared enough to call it out, and the ones that do care have seemed to enable the behavior. This video will help because I deal with my own issues, including anxiety and depression. For that reason, I’m easily sucked in to these explosive situations, and when I try to get my point across or talk it out I’m accused of being a nag. The argument then becomes my fault for “not knowing when to shut up”, taking the focus off of his own behavior, which is usually what caused the entire situation to begin with. Sometimes I feel like I’m going crazy and no one truly knows what I’m dealing with because he’s a different person around others than when we’re alone. The only ones who believe me are the ones who have seen glimpses of his behavior themselves. His family will take up for him no matter what, or remain neutral in situations where I feel they should take a stand and tell him he’s out of line. He doesn’t tell them the full truth and has learned how to give bits and pieces of a story that doesn’t make his behavior seem as bad or unwarranted as it truly is. I’m going to try this to see if it works, but something tells me that I may be married to a narcissist.

The moment I mentioned counseling it struck down to worse forms of abuse It started slander, infantillization, abandonment and immediate anger now the moment I speak no matter the cause

Very informative, thank you !

Great advice: I live with a guy who's m.d "warned" me my housemate has intermittent explosive disorder. Home is supposed to be safe and our peace place. I'm taking your advice. Thanks.

Thank you so much. It’s hard but doable and it helps you be better when you respond better ❤

Excellent video, well presented.

Thank you for that. There is this most loving, caring man I know that unfortunately has that. I realised quickly that if I try to validate him and explain to him it only makes him go off more. I am not able to be with him that way, but after him acting up over me asking for validation I did most of that intuitively. I realised the quicker away the less resentment I carry. I don't want to not talk to him every time, and he just project a lot on me a lot. a lot.

Thank you for this video, I live with a wife who is all of the above in this one. She has had an abusive past from her brother hitting her a couple times to her father being like a dictator who chased then with a machete threatening to kill them....yes it would have been nice to know all this before. I listen to Charles Stanley on Controlling Your Anger and the Dangers Of Anger. Its like a roller coaster ride here not knowing what will spark the ignitor switch . We just had a local barangay meeting with her brother to remind him of the police blotter she had put on him years ago because a few nights ago they had a screaming match that lasted for 30 plus minutes where the whole neighborhood had to hear. I had videos of her yelling at her dad for 45 minutes plus and at me .While she was waiting the hearing she didnt want me leaving her side because she was so scarred of what he might do but now its passed she attacks me again. Our local expat friends steer clear of us now because they dont want involved or possible blamed for something they wouldn't have done because they see her doing that to me. Here they wont have a person evaluated for any mental illness they just consider annulment as the cure. There is a very sweet side to her obviously and I would feel I abannded her . Just today she went from the sweetest woman to hell on wheels in 5 seconds and physically acted out as to bust a door ar break something which she has in the past. I have been doing the things you suggest except up and just leaving the house for fear her out of control anger she might destroy everything in the house .I had to get between her and her 12 year old daughter, which the girl refers to me as dad with sincerity, because she got so out of control and l she was pulling her hair and slapping her face very hard over something that was so mute. I know schizophrenia is in her sister who use to be a school teacher and locked the kids out of the school room one day...now she gets a shot every month . Sad thing is what she feels happened and actually did happen doesnt matter to her its all about how she sees it happened and its all out war. At a loss right at this point for words .

I love the way you explain things 💖🙏

thank you very much this helped me a lot.dealing with an angry roommate

Thanks ma'am. You gave me hopes with my current marriage stage. Exceptional Emotional growth 👏. Thank you 😊

This is great!!

Yes. Good. Thank you. You're a good teacher.

Thank you for this video. It is very helpful.

Definitely appreciate this

I do explodive texts sometimes when ive been wronged to many times i get really angry than lash out. I just need to learn to walk away and let my anger out on an object rather than a person

Thank you so much for sharing this

I really need to learn how to fully ignore them. It’s the best thing to do especially for my sanity 😢

This is the best advice I’ve found so far. I’m dealing with a negative and explosive fiancé. We bought a house together and now I see his colors. I’m trying to change my behavior to deal with his but I also come from abuse. I’m afraid of allowing abuse. How do we know when to end it

Love your vocabulary

Great advice!

Helpful Strategies.. 👌

Thank you I need this today

Very helpful.

This is helpful

Very helping thanks

Thank you you have been very helpful

Omg you are 100 percent right

My ex boyfriend is abusive. He started comparing his income to mine, himself to me called me names, said to stay in my place. Then I lash out at him. He got me right where he wanted me. I’m going to follow your steps but now he just hangs up on me and calls me crazy. He blames me for the neighbors calling the police but he starts putting me down then I get mad. I just leave and go to my moms house. I don’t want to leave him because he will do this to his next girlfriend. I’m going to follow your advice and see if this helps

Thank you so much.

my boyfriend (used to be my crush) has extreme anger issues, he screams curse words, punches walls or tables, even bites himself to stop, it is sooo traumatizing to watch him, my father used to be like this too(but he'd curse, throw things and sometimes hit my mom or brother), i dont know if i can handle this anymore... a week ago i told him im loosing feelings bcoz of his actions and behaviour, firstly he cried a lot then became angry like its my fault lmaoo, and told me clearly if i wanna leave or stay, i chose to stay and give him a last chance....im honestly so dissapointed in him, but im understanding enough cuz he has been thru a lot in his home too.... so anyways, ill update 😶🙂 next time if im gonna be in a relationship, i will only when i know the person truly well....and not go for looks, cuz some pretty ppl can really hurt u and do rush into a relationship :)

Any books you have that can explain this further? You’ve said everything I needed to hear to deal with my brother tho. I really would just like to elaborate further to “BE READY” 🙌🏾

Thank God for your help. I'm here on my 9 th anniversary and he is ill. Now when I walk away he says I don't care...your cruel to me Terri. I am extremely exhausted.

Thank you , I feel like something is going on under the surface of someone I love and something in me just worries so much about him even though we just got in an argument over the phone . He’s not in a good situation right now and I think I’m beginning to see why things don’t work out for him . Sometimes though when I interact with him , I end up angry over his anger which is often hurtful to others in his life . Afterwards I feel like I didn’t get through to him , I just made things worse so that’s why I went looking for this . I began to see other videos on mental health issues and addictions also being a root to explosive anger and I began to feel bad that I started to view this person I care about in such a negative light . I just wonder now , which is it ? I often wonder if he does have something undiagnosed or is he just narcissistic or is it an addiction?. Is there a way to get them to check themselves into counseling or rehab without making them angry all over again or should I just stay out of it? This is a family member so it’s hard to just sit back and see him in the condition he is in . It’s bad . He’s homeless and possibly using drugs or alcohol.

Just saw this video. I have a client like this and had to disconnect a phone session because of explosive anger behavoir.

this is great advice but personally i believe sometimes you do need to attack back if they keep blowing up on you and crossing your boundary teach them there are consiquences to their actions with draw favours for them and blow up back a predetor animal wont attack the prey that has spikes and claws

How do you deal with your husband having anger issues and you have two children and you have been staying at home with your kids. When you're parenting styles are completely different? What do you do?

How do you deal with someone who breaks things when angry ?

Do you have any tips for a person with explosive anger who has a hard time leaving the person their exploding at alone? The point you made about ignoring the person with anger in particular spoke to me, because when I get triggered and have an angry episode and the person I’m angry at tries to distance themselves from me, I get so much angrier because I just want to resolve the issue and I feel like when they walk away their giving up on me. I know I should afford myself and my partner the kindness to calm down and walk away for a bit, but when I’m in that mental state it’s just so difficult to stop, and I feel almost “weak” trying to implement my coping mechanisms, I don’t know how to shake the thoughts and impulsiveness and just stop.

Thank you for this video my brother has anger issues and and he can be really heartful he would find my deepest secrets and use them against me even if it made no sense. But I have a question should I stop telling my brother things about me that no one else’s knows? Because when we are arguing he ends up shouting them out.but at the same time I have no one else to talk to

Everyone keep saying boundaries but my partner doesn’t react how someone normally would . It’s scary and I don’t know how to stop the cycle

What if you live with that explosive emotional person. And what if when you try to ignore them they are like, “so, now your gonna ignore me, that mature, that solves all the problems, don’t talk ignore me”. But then he uses my ignoring him silence to unload on me. He uses that silence opportunity to verbally pound me. So ignoring someone doesn’t always work.

Here is the problem I have. My Boss has anger issues and assumes that I don’t care because I’m calm. I never get angry no matter what happens. He will scream and say sarcastic mean things. He will throw things. I just have a calm personality, why do people get mad because you’re kind and calm?

I am looking for your blog article can you please send me the link?

How do you tell someone who’s on substance abuse that they need urgent therapy when they refuse to admit that they have a problem. My current living situation is like this, and I constantly have to be walking on eggshells with everything just so I don’t get the person angry. When they do get angry I ignore but this goes on for days, and in some cases weeks etc.

I feel like i am the explosive person. And in my relationship i will try to push the person away becouse i am scared and frustrated and I want to be left alone but the other half won' t give me a time out and this brings me to explode. I really need space to calm down and when i do i feel so guilty.. thanks for this video , it really mirrord my behaviour..

My son is engaged to marry a girl with this disorder. He has a 3 year old. I am so afraid the she will have one of these episodes on my grandson. I am so scared.

Thank you

Thankyou.

I love him we been together for a year

Problem is that you being "emotional" shouldn't be a scapegoat for your logic disappearing

What is your blog address, please?? I didn't catch it all in your video Thank you so much

Thank you so much. I have a “ bully “ neighbor who tries to intimidate me with loud outburst about me to guest of his who visit. I’m a condo “ captain “ who is highly regard and respected my the other co owners. Yesterday he referred to me as a MF and pointed to my balcony.. I sent anemail to the HOA and asked for a meeting today with the president. Brief background is that the previous HOA and Board gave final warnings to him due to inappropriate behaviour. We have a new board now. He has manipulated them by allowing him to install surveillance cameras on the outside of the building. Then without approval he installed cameras inside claiming that his cars were messed with… We all know he “ flips “cars for a living and has more cars that are allowed , per owner. Obviously he wants surveillance outside because of all these cars. Most of the owners are female. I made the HOA insist that the inside camera was taken down. So that’s the gist of it. I’ve been keeping my distance and if I am outside at the same time, I ignore him, no eye contact. Any more suggestions ? What’s the deal with him. He has No relationship with the other owners, as they see that he is very odd. He is obese, wears nickers with loud knee socks, caries a book bag and wears his hair is unkept twist. Nasty looking actually. He lives with his wife who is also strange. Never speaks . Please give your thoughts.Thank you

You should try a character analysis on Michael Corleone in the godfather when he interacts with Moe Green and Senator Geary

I’m glad I came to this channel maybe I can learn from this video and walk away with some helpful tips I want my Marriage to be successful..

So the hard part about this is when you know for a fact what your being accused of was nothing that had anything to do with you. So to me it's almost the same as bullying a person. It's hard to walk away from that. Another thing is I don't lie because I'm at an age where I feel I don't have to and don't bs If I can't tell the truth or be straight up with someone I won't approach that problem until I can so it's really hard and I also know when someone is blowing up an issue because they are actually upset about something that has nothing to do with you. That really makes me upset knowing that person is being outrageously mad at you when they even know your not the real problem so hopefully what you said will work. Lol. I'll give it a shot.

Hi. I really need help. Please. I keep breaking things every few months or so. Ive been sober for the first time in my life for a little over a year now. I was an addict 13 years never even could be sober this long I tried so hard until now. I have an abusive background (emotional and physical by parents) and obviously you know the rest... I don't believe it's BPD. Please what's wrong with me

But wat if that person or who caught u off guard & u didn't kno it was going to do it or say it. How do ppl or who deal w/that situation w/out they're weakness emotional kicks inn?

My little brother has recently been having explosive anger issues and might have depression. Still waiting on the doctors on whats goin on. My brother feels like nothing helps him and refuses cus he believes nothing helps, what can i do to help him or what tips u have to give to help me

I have a question what If you're parents take their anger out on you I really need help

Most of these point sound like they are suggesting to avoid people who are angry. But thats not an option for those you live with and your trying to calm them and defuse the situation.

I understand the gist of not engaging with someone who is exploding angrily at you and walking away but in my experience that is not a wise thing to do. That's when you can get hit. I had someone in my life who was exploding on me and trying to suck me into a yelling fight/confrontation with them and I said "nope, I'm not playing this game" and turned and started to walk away. They punched me as hard as they could in the back of my head and damned near knocked me out. I would have face planted on the floor and probably broken my nose too had my arm not caught the back of the dining room chair and changed my trajectory as I fell. Also, it's not always possible to disengage or walk away. For instance when they block the door and won't let you leave, or they steal your wallet, keys, and phone (or flat out break your phone) and hide them before they start the fight so that you can't realistically get out and get to a safe place.

question from someone that just realize I have this explosive anger... is this a "male" thing? cause all the male figures in my life were extremely explosive and destructive.. and I am the same as they were.... but I never have seen this behaviour in females.

So I went into a mental facility in fostercare for standing up for myself and losing my temper bc nobody was listening after a history of all forms of abuse. After that I tried to internalize that rage and take it out on myself so I dont hurt anyone else and wind up going back and as a result denied my rage and gradually started smoking weed to surpress all of my emotions because happiness never lasts and always feels fake, depression hurts too much to want to deal with and FUCK the headache, and I really only hid my anger... What do I do to get my full emotional capacity back in a controlled manner? Bc I'm SO afraid to quit smoking weed now because I don't want to let my emotions run rampant but I also know I cant just keep on bc shits expensive and illegal where im at. I could really use the help... I just want to be better.

I have big problems I'd love to get some advice it's so important that my mate relaxes with his explosive anger from I don't say right thing to the conversation have turn into oppions what he think because he is mad at others an I'm he's punching bag. I'm pregnant I answer him but no mater what I say he needs confermation after I'd all ready said I us or would now blows up 2 wake the hole house with his drama everyone at 6 am an then so much more how do I get him to stop I'm sleeping now got close the door an dog need be walked but can't lock are door he digs more problems we don't need he don't see it

My friend whose new to a company is wat ching our neighbor who is 34 with a MR...and impulsive angier...hes a 340pd guy who gets mad easily and will snap...hes verbally abusive and sometimes threatens...she tries to walk away and calm him down...sometimes it works and sometimes not...he tries to do that with me and he learns fast I dnt play qnd he calms down...

Hi! But what about a person whose personality is different? He has a sudden outburst, and he has cycles of mood. He will not tell you what he wants, but he is continuously mad until you guess and give what he wants. Seems he has an autism at the same time a bipolar person.

Good morning, I live with my brother and his girlfriend. My brother is Verbally Abusive to me and his girlfriend. He gets bad anger. He can go from 0 to 10 anytime.. he always has a negative attitude and always has bad things to say about other people. he will start yelling at me and says harmful words. I never reply and don’t engage. His words have been so hurtful that I have thought about Suicide several times. I know suicide is a sin but, I think about all of the bad things he said to me. It’s wearing me down mentally. I’m not sure how much more I can take.I have done so many nice things for him and always nice to him. I just don’t understand why my a brother would treat me so bad. What have I done to be treated this way . I stay to myself and always stay quiet.

Sometimes he do take his anger out on me.

How does one go abouts building emotional barriers and resistance?

What do you do when you try to walk away and they scream at you “ Don’t run away from me!”, and physically try to keep you in the room? Not by touching you, just by blocking your way?

My wife gets angry with smallest things if its not up to her liking, if I say something she gets angrier, what should I do?

I searched this up bc I’m the one with the anger and I don’t want my sister to be stressed bc of me but she doesn’t know I’m depressed :(

My dad has this big time. He has had it for years the only difference is that it's even worse. I never know when he's going to explode often for no reason. His triggers are too many to count. My dad can get triggered over the slightest thing. What pharmaceuticals are beneficial for this disorder? There is nothing that doesn't exasperate this guy. I am walking on eggshells on a constant basis around him

yur so cool

Just a literal kid feeling hopeless around her parent✌

My fiancé has exploding anger often.. usually when he’s trying to quit drinking.. 😢

I really hope my boy finds this video.

🔥