How to Heal From Narcissistic Abuse

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This video describes what narcissistic abuse is in terms of how narcissists behave towards people around them. I discuss what effects it has on their children and partners and what we can do to heal from narcissistic abuse.
Healing is possible.
Healing takes place through:
Knowledge - read everything you can about psychological subjects (like NPD, Complex PTSD and co-dependency) which are relevant to you. Learning leads to:
Understanding - you will develop an understanding of yourself and things will start to make sense which leads to:
Acceptance of yourself - this means you will stop judging yourself so harshly and your self-worth will increase which leads to:
Self-compassion - you will develop compassion towards yourself and this leads to:
Self-awareness - the fear of looking within yourself will disappear and with self-awareness comes the ability to recognise patterns in your behaviour which leads to:
Change - you will have the knowledge and ability to change your life.
Knowledge and Understanding
In pursuit of healing, understanding NPD can be liberating as children of narcissists realise that the treatment they received was impersonal because the narcissist cannot see their child as a person, the narcissist can only see their own needs. Knowledge leads to self-acceptance.
We change our brains through a combination of processing the suppressed emotional pain and becoming more mindful, self-aware and compassionate towards ourselves.
Self-Awareness and Triggers
Many children of narcissists will have some self-awareness but much of their emotional life will be repressed. Knowledge of NPD and the understanding that this brings will lead to acceptance of the self and this opens up self-awareness.
The development of self-awareness slowly brings the suppressed feelings and thoughts into conscious awareness. Self-awareness combined with self-acceptance gives individuals the ability to change their behaviours. The unconscious needs to be made conscious so that it is no longer an influence that seems, at times, to be beyond control.
Gaining awareness of the inner self makes change possible.
Self-awareness can be developed by just noticing our feelings in an inquisitive and non-judgmental way, i.e., “OK, I am feeling really angry now, I wonder why? What happened, what was the trigger?” Sometimes it can be obvious, but at other times it is not immediately apparent. Inquisitiveness helps to develop new neurons in the prefrontal cortex area of the brain which is responsible for reasoning and logic (changes then happen through neuroplasticity). When we are triggered, defence mechanisms in other parts of the brain which do not have rational, logical thinking skills have taken over in an attempt to protect.
There are constant triggers in the environment which can evoke strong and sometimes extreme emotions and reactions. Try not to berate yourself for anything you are feeling. Just notice it.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is all about getting to know yourself. Children of narcissists often think that their symptoms of trauma are their character (such as an addiction, people pleasing or irritability) when they are actually coping mechanisms which will fade with healing. It helps to get ‘back in touch’ with the body and emotions and develop self-awareness. It is the opposite of the dissociation that has often taken place for someone with trauma.
Grounding techniques which calm the nervous system are really important for people who have Complex PTSD.
Deep breathing exercises are useful. This calms down the nervous system if it becomes dysregulated (hyper or hypoaroused).
Why Do I feel Unstable?
• Why Do I Feel Unstable...
Triggers and How they Work
• Complex PTSD: What are...
International Trauma Questionnaire
childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/...
James Masterson - Search for The Real Self
www.amazon.co.uk/Search-Real-...
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
www.amazon.co.uk/Adult-Childr...
What is Narcissistic Abuse?
childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/...
Healing From Narcissistic Abuse
childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/...
Narcissistic Personality Disorder and Empathy
childrenofnarcissists.org.uk/...

Опубликовано:

16 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 44

@jalisky 15 дней назад

I have all of it from having a narcissist mother and father I am 55 but in the last year have been learning about it. Thank goodness for the internet

@trixiepickle8779 7 месяцев назад

Thank you so much for this. My Mother was the nightmare I grew up with. I got out when I was old enough to fend for myself and never went back. My Father had a huge business and worked 24/7 so he avoided most of it. Luckily and I do mean this, she died 14 yrs before him and I then got to know my wonderful Dad. When I was small she would recount endlessly how her own Mother had treated her, usually just after she'd done the same to me. I would recommend anyone to get out don't go back. I've just found you thank so much for your videos.

@KirstenLambert-nt8iy 20 дней назад

I hear you. My mother had her "golden child" or my 2 sisters. I took the bad end of the stick. Hypocrisy, hurtful comments,favoritism, and most of the criteria mentioned was there. Mom never cheated on Dad. Dad, never stood up to her, or, now, his current wife,as Mom passed away in 2016. I moved out when I was 19.I moved away to get away from her and the family. They wanted to see the grandkids. I didn't stop them from seeing them . At first I did because of a nasty comment coming from my mother. My sisters still believe mom and stand up for. I, and my Grandmother were the only 2 members of the family who stood our ground. Needless to say, my mother became a big bully.

@camwestart 4 месяца назад

Don’t forget feeling tired and fatigued…….also you can reprogram your mind with affirmations. I have found Joe Dispenza very helpful. Getting in touch with your spirituality…..knowing you are so much more….. and focusing on joy are very healing. My mantra is “ I am safe, I am loved and I am protected”. Thank you. ❤ with love from Sweden

@betinansi201 5 месяцев назад

A Scapegoat daughter of a narcissist mother and enabling father turned main abuser here. Hi and thank you. ❤

@mariannekoroleva6495 Год назад

I am healing myself from parental abuse for about 12 years and I am not sure it can be really healed. 💯%!! 👍💐🍀😊🌈⚓!!

@childrenofnarcissists Год назад

Hi Marianne, Thank you for your comment. I am seeing a sense of hopelessness when you say you are not sure it can be healed. When we have had a narcissistic parent we will often have feelings of hopelessness that have understandably become core beliefs - things were hopeless in the early years. It can be more 'bearable' to feel hopeless than to hope and have that hope crushed repeatedly (the hope that our narcissistic parent could love us or would accept us or stop criticising us). Expect the worst and then we won't be disappointed. It can be interesting to look at our thought patterns - if we have a hopeful thought does despair then come up? If we think something nice about ourselves does our inner critic come up and tell us we need to do and be better? There are many ways we defend ourselves from becoming the real self that I talk about in this video (10 capacities of the real self). We defend ourselves from becoming our real self as we were punished for trying to assert ourselves and our wants and needs and we were rewarded for being clingy, submissive and obedient and the threat for not complying was abandonment (it's my way or the highway). Many people don't even know what their wants and needs are and/or they feel huge amounts of guilt that keep them in a more people pleasing role. Hopelessness can also play a part here. The road to healing is long and hard and can take many, many years. ❤‍🩹 I will do a video about the feelings of hopelessness and despair soon.

@mariannekoroleva6495 Год назад

@@childrenofnarcissists You are GREAT!! Thank You for Help!! The knowledge, that uou get, can not let you suffer. The manipulators manage it, to kill you by using your failures and to dirt you by using your successes.

@chilloften Год назад

It’s a constant work. I can get to good points and fall back.

@kggr8458 11 месяцев назад

@@childrenofnarcissists Thank you. This aspect is seldom addressed by clinicians. Would be great if there was a how to guide of sorts on healing hopelessness, and a set of tools to use, some resources. This can be compounded when ones family members, ie: siblings cousins, other relatives even family friends were told smears regarding your character (by parentla malignane narcissist) and then those you thought you could turn to refuse to be of support to you when you are going through this- hence compounding the lonliness as well.

@Lemoncare 3 месяца назад

There is a wonderful program I went thru. Tim Fletcher has his videos on RU-vid. The free videos are priceless. Tim and his wife and daughter created this program for us who suffer from CPTSD. Don’t give up.

@KirstenLambert-nt8iy 20 дней назад

Thank you for your information. I was trying to find out why I would be ok one day, and very angry, irritable, and aggressive the next.

@Deadinaditchofficial Год назад

Thank you so much for your videos. I’m doing extensive research to eventually heal from 36 years of narcissistic family, which programmed me for narcissistic relationships and eventually (I swear I’m not crazy) gangstalking and policing from certain covert members of narcissistic societies. Your videos I’ve only recently come across, but I appreciate your use of relevant books and in particular the author who studied trauma with the Nazis who then later moved to Canada and later the US (I think?). The growing narcissism in society is swiftly approaching a new Nazi-like ( and in some cases, Nazi-centered ) climate. Thank you again for your work and please continue to provide help for us who have all but given up and are hanging by a thread of hope.

@childrenofnarcissists Год назад

I'm sorry for what you are going through. Take care.

@dianecraft6179 9 дней назад

😢 I just realized that both my parents are Narcissistic. I had no idea that there was a word for their behavior. I'm so hurt and I recently cut them out of my life because If I don't, they will continue making me sick. Thank you for this video. I want nothing more to heal because they have controlled my whole life, even have drove my sister to suicide.

@childrenofnarcissists 8 дней назад

Hi Diane, I am sorry for what you have been through. I wish you all the best and take care.

@childrenofnarcissists Год назад

0.52 What is Narcissistic Abuse? 6.13 The Effects of Narcissistic Abuse 8.00 The Differences between PTSD and Complex PTSD 10.39 Where do We Want to Be? - The 10 Key Capacities of the Real Self 14.39 Steps to Healing 29.54 The Changes That Take Place When we Heal From Narcissistic Abuse

@KrystalKonnectSG 10 месяцев назад

❤❤❤thank u

@sandieem1 Месяц назад

This is so helpful thank you 🩷

@fabulouslife4646 6 месяцев назад

this is a great explanation. revisiting some videos after recently being trigger, and grateful for content like this, especially, when therapy is a bit on the unaffordable side.

@secreteobsession3584 Год назад

Great information this is my experience very exhausted I'm not sure why people like this is not in prison the government needs to make this kind if abuse aware its like there allowed to slander there partner without no Repercussions

@childrenofnarcissists Год назад

Thank you, yes, the seeming lack of justice can be hard to accept. It could be looked at this way: people with NPD are already suffering because what underlies the grandiose fantasy of themselves is the reality of them having feelings of shame, inadequacy and having an impaired real self which they are defending themselves against feeling consciously. They were not accepted as themselves in childhood. This does not excuse them for what they have done or the choices they have made. Many of them are incredibly sadistic. When we have processed and healed the trauma we carry from having a narcissistic parent or partner, the wish/need for justice or revenge can often lift and we can be in a place where we may understand and have some compassion for them but at a safe distance with very strong boundaries and minimal or no contact.

@elisamasousa3080 2 месяца назад

Totally agree, especially the last paragraph. It has been very hard to navigateur thought life sometimes, but I feel so in peace with myself to keep me very far from my mother, in another country actually, just speak/text the minimum with her. I wish I could not speak at all, but I feel terrible guilty for doing so. Your comment is so spot on!! 👏👏

@hugobooster 3 дня назад

thank you so much for this video, it is extremely useful!!!

@calicruz1992 Год назад

I am so happy I found this channel. Thank you! Your voice is calming.

@HarpreetSingh-il5sy Год назад

Nice video😊

@kimberlymccracken747 2 месяца назад

Thank you so much for this information. I find it concise yet chalk full of excellent and useful background information and useful tools for recovery. One day at a time 🎉

@childrenofnarcissists 2 месяца назад

Thanks so much.

@GeorgiaMichelle Год назад

Thank you for this, it is very helpful. It would be even more helpful if you had links to the videos you mentioned in this video in the written section. Thanks again!

@childrenofnarcissists Год назад

Hi Georgia, I have added links in the description to the videos mentioned and also the books. Take care.

@GeorgiaMichelle Год назад

@@childrenofnarcissists thanks so much! :)

@DZ-jz8bj Месяц назад

Do you know about some ways how to deal with the anger from narcissistic abuse? Becasue The anger is so persistent, I can't move on in my life. I just keep getting lightbulb moments which prevents me from not being angry, because I realize more and more how much the narcissist wronged me, disrespected me in so many ways... ITs impossible for me to feel peace

@childrenofnarcissists 23 дня назад

Hi DZ, The videos below may help you to understand your defences a bit more. Anger is our fight defence and when we have had trauma we are going to have a complicated relationship with it. What are Triggers and How do They Work ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-Rofpu8PnQDI.html How Our Brains and Bodies Are Shaped By a Dysfunctional Childhood ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-SmjARK4tIlA.html

@vietotu3937 7 месяцев назад

i can not thank you enough

@mariamalhotra8228 3 месяца назад

Where does the healing and recovery come in?

@jezza4604 8 дней назад

What happens if our defence mechanism is to become like our narcissist father? We learn through imitation, especially at that age. If a narcissistic son becomes aware of his ways caused by the early emotional abuse, can he change his ways? I assume it must be impossible because not only does he have to heal from his esrly wounds, but also stop himself from perpetuating the same behaviour.

@childrenofnarcissists 8 дней назад

In my view, we are all capable of change and healing ourselves if we want to. It is hard work and can be really uncomfortable but it is worth it. Narcissists and malignant narcissists can change - according to Otto Kernberg M.D. (an expert on personality disorders) as they do desire relationships with others at some level. The only group who can't/won't/don't change are psychopaths as there is no desire for human relationships. Some people who are not narcissistic worry that they are - they fear anything in themselves which looks like narcissism but there is a healthy level we need to have to get our needs met. Please see this video: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-TeuScfHSGfE.html Take care.

@makeupbyhunaina Год назад

Can paranoid personality disorder be genetic? Like passed on from grandmother than daughter and than grand daughter?

@childrenofnarcissists Год назад

I do not know that much about genetics but behavioural patterns and trauma can be passed down the generations psychologically - intergenerational trauma.

@DOCTORSAMMYBAYA 5 месяцев назад

Nice video. Hi, im also a youtuber focusing on narcissistic relationships. Lets connect

@TheNationalWellnessOrg 4 месяца назад

Im stuck. Im stuck in codependancy.

@childrenofnarcissists 3 месяца назад

Hi Wellness, I have done a video on the Trauma Bond which you might find useful? ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-eRI1HSzwpAc.html

@marialuislucasdossantosdac7022 2 месяца назад

I really don't understand the People with co-dependency.. i See it in my Mother and Brother.. my Father is a maligne Psychopath narcisist.. his Father was exactly the same.. that is why my Grandmother get divorce.. but my mom didn't.. so I need to suffer the hohle thing.. und i have Panik from intimacy (you are right: langer and Attraktion.. i destroid ans chances of relashionship til now, bevor they started.. I have to much Scare from the violence..).. My Safe environment is alone, gar away from that "Family".. and I tryid to wake up my Mother und Brother.. also financially helped.. but no way.. don't wake up.. so now I give up.. they will suffer alone.. maybe that is what my motherneeds to end the denial.. to be stupid and allways doing and saying what my Father says.. I am feed up with the hohle stupidity of the codependents.. but I still have my problems,everytime I meet a Narcisist at workingplace, I know there are going to be trouble.. and avoiding this People in my automatic grey Rock Mode doesn't make it better.. so the question with this people is, if I should rather do like at Family Home, were I needed to Strike Back every moment.. no 5 Minutes eating in Peace.. always an Argument from the Narcisist ready to go.. and the will to Kick Back.. because I was also besten as a Child till I decided to stricke Back with 8 Years old.. I still have dificulty to bring things to an end.. i start many things but I give up in the Middleton of it..i get Panik everytime I need to do NEW things by myself.. I need to overcome this for my Job.. and I need to be trusted at work or that someone values my work.. otherwise my compulsive eating and shopping get worse.. I don't know why I react like that and I wish i stopped to go in flight Modus everytime I need to do something NEW At work.. totally emotionally desregulated.. and yes I wished my Mother took a Divorce und took care of me instead of spending the hohle Times, energy and Money trying to please my Father.. and we the children were always Last..