9 years ago my wife left, divorced and married another man. 4 kids. I’ve never been right since. I was generally a content healthy bio, social, spiritual, relational person. Now, I despise people genuinely asking me how I am doing. I’m not doing well and I haven’t been doing well for 10 years. Complex trauma is for real. I feel like the women in the bible with the issue of the blood. The harder I try to heal and the more I spend, the worse it gets. Please help me heal Jesus.
Forgive yourself for the suffering you have endured so far, forgive your ex for the decisions she made that effected you in a negative way and look for all the beauty in your life and keep working towards what will help your life.
My son was murdered almost 4 years ago. Shot dead in cold blood while visiting NYC for the first time. Just sitting on the porch of an Airbnb minding his own business. The anger and rage and severe depression have nearly broken me and my wife. It’s been really terrible. One thing I was told to do was WALK. I have walked so much. And while I walk, I pray. And while I pray, I remind myself that I am not in charge, God is. I ask for Grace,understanding and healing. It is coming. Slowly, but it is coming. As mentioned here, when I feel a memory if I’m able to, I try to think about it confront it. I tried ignoring it. But you have to relive the trauma to process. I don’t suppose I’ll ever be totally OK, but trauma is a total monster.
EMDR is a really great treatment for trauma. Yoga and meditation (along with prayer) saved me when I lost 3 close family members within the span of 5 years. Praying for you and your wife.
god bless you. there’s no such thing as a normal or reasonable response to what you’ve been thru . only a non linear and unpredictable response. work slowly to understand what you’ve been thru and work from there
A pastor once told me that forgiveness of others relieves ourselves from hatred in our hearts, but it doesn’t mean we need to trust them again. Not one of us is perfect.
"Complex" PTSD does not exist, it is not a disorder in the DSM and was explicitly created as a term for people who *do* *not* have PTSD but want to. In order to "have" "complex" PTSD you literally have to *rule* *out* actual PTSD.
@@Khoros-Mythos What on earth are you yapping about? Why would anyone "want to" have ptsd? Cptsd and ptsd can co-exist, they are just labels. The DSM is just a book written by people, just because some diagnosis isn't there doesn't mean it isn't real. How old are you dude?
@@Khoros-Mythosnot only were you incapable to doing a quick good search, but you also attack and belittle others. Try to be more kind. PTSD is usually caused from a singular traumatic event like witnessing a death. while C-PTSD is caused when someone experiences trauma again and again over a prolonged period of time.
My girlfriend Jasmine just sent this to me. I know im a good man but I struggle with things just like anyone else. I want to be a better person and I am trying.
You got this! We all struggle, we’ve all been traumatized, you are not alone. The worst trick our minds play on us is making us think we are alone in our trauma. Trauma, hardship is a part of life. Find people who love you, and find community that cares for each other. It’s a journey.
Got you in my prayers man I’m on the same page found out my girls pregnant and I just wanna be the best person I can be for them wishing you peace and prosperity from Canada
I send videos to my bf & he doesn’t even watch them most of the time… I know I deserve better but at the same time I think “if I was being a good gf, he would”…🤦♀️..
Surrendering my life to God, Complete sobriety, and practicing Celibacy & therapy saved my life. I had to turn my back on life as I knew it and walk a whole new path. I allowed Christ to do a New Thing in my life. It was the best decision I have ever made.
Oh baby, I hope one day it gets better for you. Trust me I get it but at the end of the day we go through a lot of different emotions /feelings and the crap sometimes just suck! So we have to find ourselves a new normal even if means just appreciating the simple things in life. Sending love dear from Dallas you keep pushing through❤
When I was 14yrs I watched my mum walk down an airplane ramp going back to Wales 🏴…. I was supposed to follow after the school year (all bollocks and lies) My father then thought that it was best if he bought a townhouse for me to live in alone (age14yrs) while he lived with my “stepmother” and raised her two children who happened to be the same age as me….stepbrother was 9 days older than me…stepsister was 1 year younger than me)….. I had to do everything…cook for myself…do my own laundry…get myself to school (the only thing that saved me was that I was smart and I liked school knowing I was going to university)…. The trauma left just from those experiences are profound (and there was more trauma…more obstacles put in my way)…. I’m 18 months sober age 61 and this will NEVER go away…. the hurt lessens….but it will always influence my life and choices
You sound like you're on the right path. I too was thrust into.adulthood overnight. It's a miracle that I'm here today. Welcome to the rest of your life! We are basically the same age, you and I. The whole world has really changed, hasn't it...?
I love, ❤️ Tim Fletcher. I took his program in 2021. If you want to find a sophisticated, and loving experience, a safe place, take his courses. There is support, after you finish ! It’s amazing. Thank you Tim, for helping me.
Tim Fletcher is great! I’ve worked my ass off for 6 years on CPTSD, trying everything and finally have more or less healed…it’s really difficult but so worth it!
I cannot say how excited I was to see that he is a guest. I’ve listened to his series many times and it is the best most comprehensive info I’ve come across for healing, and understanding.
I feel Theo. I know exactly how he feels. I have complex PTSD & it has literally worn my ass out and on SO many levels! It's one busy ass disorder. Have your ass sitting up there in a Texas sized tired.
That shows me, a total stranger, what a great Mother she was. You just told a billion people about her on youtube. Imagine telling her childhood self, that THAT many people would know about her. Wild right? But it’s true. I’m sorry for your loss. I love my mom, and I know you do.
That fucking sucks man. I can’t imagine. One day I’ll have to deal with losing my parents too, it’s scary. Let me know how your healing goes, praying for you
Recovering from cptsd. Now teach dramatic arts therapy - hits all 5 areas required for healing and growth - Agree to heal we must treat the whole person.
Oh my GOSH, thank you for this!❤ This little clip gave me more "meat" about compassionate inquiry, forgiveness and healing than I found in years of therapy. Maybe that past work helped prime the pump- IDK. But this is EXACTLY what my what my soul needed today.
This is great, thanks for giving him a platform. I've been in C-PTSD treatment for 12 years and everything he said rings true. Pete Walkers book "From Surviving to Thriving" is a great reference as well.
I've been working with hypnotists for years doing exactly this. I am so much better. Now I am working on my relationships directly. Forgiveness and grief have been the stuck points. This has been an incredibly rewarding process.
I am so glad Tim talked about forgiveness as not the first thing to jump to in a trauma state. I have struggled with the frustration of not being able to adequately forgive family members for childhood abuse and neglect. I feel bad for not being able to forgive and move on and I feel bad that I even call them abusers. I feel like it is harsh and so I start to justify and make light of everything and so I go in and out of loving them and resenting or hating them, all depending on if I am triggered or not. My life has been extremely hard because of them yet I am conflicted because they are also all I have. Something in me feels guilty when I voice how bad things really were and still and so I am always on the fence of forgiving and moving on and having a deep resentment and anger towards them. I am a Christian and that also confuses me because I know I should forgive but I live with the effects of CPTSD everyday that they caused and it feels like a prison. in some ways I am worse. I so need help!
I had a very traumatic child hood and early years followed by more trauma and rough years self medicated with drugs and alcohol since the age of 12 . Finally spent 90 days inpatient and got some help in my 30’s remd therapy helped me but I fell off the wagon again a ways after my only daughter punched her own ticket. and am now going through a nasty divorce 3 sons … I am now back in therapy in my early 40’s . Cptsd sucks and requires constant upkeep to not fall back into old patterns.
This was an enormously positive episode that I could see being life changing for a great number of people. Y'all covered some stuff that took me a decade to gather from all over and piece together for myself.
Tim Fletcher and his videos are the breakthrough ive been hoping for! I cant believe he's not bigger! Learning self awareness and re-learning how to trust is the key to personal development.
I wish I had heard this information 10 years ago. I was raised in a dysfunctional Christian family. I still struggle. My late mother suffered from a personality disorder. But no one knew this back then. After I did some research during COVID, I discovered she struggled with BPD. Because of this, family life was very difficult during my developmental years. I grew up hating myself. I still struggle.🤔
I have a hard time loving myself, it’s almost impossible to. I was broken up with recently and I had plans to move across the country for work. He was factored into my plans and now I feel paralyzed. I don’t know if I can leave anymore because my mental state is so awful. I know my worth isn’t tied to a man, but I’ve been praying for a good man and every single time I’m let down and left feeling worse and worse. I can’t help but feel like I’m the problem. My mother passed many years ago but she wasn’t the greatest (she had her own trauma from an awful childhood). When im in a great relationship, I feel great. But when that relationship is struggling or it ends- I’m left feeling absolutely devastated & depressed. I need to find out why these feelings come up every time.
I’m sorry your going through this dear. Please trust and believe your not alone. My daughter is going through something similar with dating. You put your all in just to de disappointed. It’s not fair that y’all have to put up with this. Just know that there will come a day that you will find peace for yourself and when you do find it that special person will find you. Always remember your the prize and whenever you walk down the street or around town. Hold your head up with confidence and love yourself!!!!others will feel your presence and wish they had it. Sending love ❤️ from Dallas. Everything will be okay baby trust me!
I had done that exercise of talking to my inner child to heal shame. I’m measuring my HVR for a while now, and it raised 30% after that. I can tell it truly works
Theo thank you so much. I really appreciate you having the courage to confront the mental health issues that most of us have but, never confront. Love what your doing, keep it up and I wish you the best on your journey. Thank you, this help me feel human.
If I talk about my trauma or I’m honest about my trauma it makes people not believe me or I’m “ annoying “. I experienced domestic violence by my ex who was a police officer and I swear he had every one turn on me , and he took my children for things I never did. And I have no shame saying. This isolation and everything I love taken no family not a support system I don’t know how I ll ever heal. Because how can you all by yourself.
TY TIM- SO IMPORTANT @ 9:45 ish in - Theo asked about “Forgiveness” and one key thing you said IS ABOUT THE BRAIN!! When doing all the therapeutic work w/ Trauma Therapy- the further you get into it, the Limbic system in our brains will not react the same way as before- the wounds/triggers won’t be there as they were BEFORE. So many people don’t know about ALL THE BRAIN STUFF- THE NEURO SCIENCE- IN TRAUMA AND TRAUMA WORK/THERAPY. And you don’t have to be a brain surgeon to learn this stuff guys, you can learn it! And really, you HAVE to &/or be open & willing to learn about it for Complex Trauma and any therapeutic work for it. ❤️❤️
I cannot get past what he has done and It doesn't take much and my anxiety is through the roof. What seams like a small comment or or movie or me leaving the house for days on vacation and I'm triggered, upset and crying. We go to counceler, he truly wants to fix him and our relationship. Counceler has helped us get along, teach him to communicate and our roles in the home plus he us compassionate with me. All the therapists wants to talk about is how to get us to get along. Nobody wants to help me with my trama, I'm told to take deep breaths when I get upset, deep breaths! They are pushing forgiveness but nobody wants to actually help me.
Ive already made peace with my past, it wasn’t really that bad. What I would like to shake is the habit that I’ve used for 40 years. I would love to learn how to ride that bike!
even if you were never overtly told you were unwanted, a child knows/feels/understands/intuits there's a difference between being tolerated and being cherished... grief and rage rape me my soul is tortured and tormented and haunted and raped I'm lonely as all hell I've been raped all my life MY VOICE HAS BEEN SILENCED MY WHOLE DAMN LIFE. MY BEAUTIFUL SACRED MIRACULOUS VOICE. MY VOICE IS MY MAGICAL GIFT OF TRANSMUTATION! that being said, all my life... I have given people access to me in ways that I should not have EVER granted them access now, I want to scream at the top of my lungs: FUCK OFF!! YOU DO NOT GET TO HAVE ACCESS TO ME IN THAT WAY!! THE DOOR IS NOT OPEN!! YOU MAY NOT COME IN!! ACCESS DENIED!! I've been programmed my whole life to be silent, conditioned to have no boundaries... I MUST REMEMBER: one very crucial detail in life... the reason I am even capable of desiring is because the GODsource-LIFEforce within me has already created it for me and is telling I already have the thing I'm desiring... to desire is to have. it was manifesting me before I could even desire it. this is so crucial. I must take advantage of this knowledge...
Self-love and re-parenting, the two biggest endeavors with regards to healing from a crappy childhood, and even parental narcissistic abuse that extends into the childs adulthood (Infantilization). Getting clean from drugs (including the drug alcohol) and not jerking your noodle are two very big steps in the right direction. Stay in touch with your original volition. Print it out, put it on the wall, and reiterate it to yourself everyday, what you are doing, and why you are doing it. Dont let that nasty little demon voice win. Do not meditate on your negative inner dialogue, and dont beat yourself if you do. Just remember to drop it when you catch yourself in that old habit. The more you catch yourself, and say to yourself "aha, there it is again" and drop it, the less it will appear. Over time, you will radically change for the better. Lose sympathy with your negative mind, what it comes up with, is not the truth. Study how to meditate, and then do it daily. Improve your diet, less sugar and refined carbs. Watch less negative BS online. Cut out toxic people you have allowed into your life, that includes family.
Instead of cutting family out of your life, perhaps you’ll be able to heal and cope in a healthier manner? Emotional pain is rough. 😅Compassion for “toxic” people is a sign of inner strength. Pray for us all. 🙏
@@rhondasmith7413 Thank you for conveying how little you understand. Read your Bible, it says not to tolerate narcissists and remove yourself from their sphere of influence, even if it is family.
Insinuating that a psych is there to cure is hilarious. Figure out a way to remove yourself from big pharma brother, and you’ll find health is finally possible with that therapists.
Say for example a particular song comes on, a song that makes you feel real uncomfortable and you have to turn it off every time because of the feeling it gives you but you don’t know why - That kind of thing, trauma behind that could be something like you were abused as a child and that song was playing in the background - That song is the trigger for the trauma you didn’t realise matched with it - That’s my understanding of it anyway
For me, it’s when I can tell that I’m having a “fight, flight, or freeze” response to something. When I get triggered, I notice that I’ll get physically tense, I can’t complete tasks that need to get done because I’m mentally stuck in whatever moment in the past I’m brought back to from that trigger, I can become extremely reserved, and sometimes I’ll have mental dialogues or imaginary conversations going on in my head where I’m raging over trying to defend myself to someone who caused a certain part of severe trauma for me. That’s at least what it’s like for me, personally.
@@RandyJanee Feel you on that as well, at least being able to acknowledge that is a good foundation to have, and then trying to work through it albeit not easy, definitely worth it. “We’ve all got our own Vietnam”
Generally, any (bigger than normal) emotional or physical response that you have to a situation. Sometimes it makes sense (someone says something that reminds you of something bad that happened to you), but sometimes it doesn’t make as much sense why we get triggered. It’s really important people understand that what “triggered” really is - is a physiological response in the nervous system that activates us to that “fight/flight/freeze” state.
There is no sure fix. What happens is trauma causes all other kinds of problems throughout your life. You may find yourself in your 30s, 40s, 50s etc having completely fucked up your life, the bitterness and regret that results is not something that can be 'therapied' away. You don't get those decades back. It's like inheriting a 10 million dollars and losing it all, you never get that money back and that pain of the awareness of this fact creates new trauma. This can't be talked away, worked through, processed. There may come new behaviour with awareness but with awareness comes new trauma. These calm, low affect Harvard types who've lived pretty nice lives cannot understand this nor fix it. They can't relate or fix the pain of loss when loss is made understood. Starting over in middle or late life is a Shutter Island moment that no Harvard twat can undo or fix.
Yes!! I think this whenever I hear a pastor speaking about “leaving regrets behind”, this coming from someone who grew up in a healthy family environment and graduated from Stanford, and is living the dream!! Easy for him to say!! EDIT: Also, what helps me get by is thinking that maybe I’m meant to be in the place I’m at. Maybe those opportunities of the past weren’t meant for me, and I just have to be okay with my lot in life.
@@ALTheFreeMan making up meaning to ones suffering is one of the biggest self-delusions of all. Who has the courage to acknowledge that ones past was just a series of negative events without meaning. Come on, we both know no good higher power would do that to anyone.
