Why People with Trauma Struggle in Relationships 

Just wanted to comment here to proudly share that I've been sober for 1,669 days.

i’ve gone 3 days without alcohol

Theo’s vulnerability is beautiful

That whole line about being fine until something triggers you and then fucking things up beyond repair hit hard. When it's too late it's too late, and you will hate yourself once you come to that realisation.

Hearing Theo say “when I saw a functioning family I would be like ‘what the f*** is this’” killed me

Theo is an absolute hero and role model for speaking out about this kind of stuff. How many of us have the same or similar issues and don't talk about it to anyone?

Love how Tim immediately went into listening mode as soon as Theo started opening up..

Tim Fletcher is hands down one of the best educators on complex trauma ive ever heard.

It’s so true that relationships bring out our trauma. The old saying goes hurt people, hurt people 😢

Severely abused and abandoned by both parents as a kid. "Fake intimacy" is THE BEST explanation of what I used to be (dated old rich guys, made out with young guys in the club, etc.) and eventually I met my husband thru a coworker when I was 35. He suffered maybe more trauma than me as a kid. Together 14 yrs now with a kid. I reiterate all the time I don't want the BS relationship. We have gone into therapy at trying times, learning SO much about how our traumas shaped us and can say that we are MORE solid today than ever. It can be done. Just meet someone as fucked up as you😅

If anyone is reading this, you are worthy. You are loved. And there is hope. Love you Theo.

Its actually so powerfull and brave for theo to speak about these things so openly, really the kind of 'manly' we need instead of all these f*ing "alpha males"

I have been married twice and engaged now. We are taking our time, as the trauma from toddler sexual abuse impacted me to the core. This relationship is different. He has helped me heal and has allowed me to take my own pace in our relationship. I think the difference though, I finally love myself. My sexual abuse was not my fault, and I don’t have to carry that trauma around with me. I found joy and gratitude, which is foreign to me. I turn 46 next month and for the first time, am not bogged down by the trauma I carried around for 44 years. ❤️

I suffered severe trauma several years ago. I was diagnosed with BPD 20 years ago as a teenage. Spent my whole life fighting BPD. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.

"someone you met in a service area" wth Theo lol. Love this man. He says it like it is.

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

This is my favorite Theo. He makes himself so vulnerable by basically recording a therapy session

Fake intimacy is truly the perfect way to describe this.

The thing that ultimately blows is how complex trauma kicks in when you’re finding yourself, or supposed to.

the term gaslighting is from an old 1930’s movie where a husband is trying to make his wife think she is going crazy by turning down the gas lights and acting like he doesn’t see it when she mentions that the lights are not working

Studied with Tim for 8 months, he's the reason I've healed so much from complex trauma and now coach others to. I absolutely loved seeing him on TPW -big fan of Theo! A surreal experience for me in the most amazing way!

I pray for him. I can relate. I found my love at age 49. I’m blessed.

THEO OUT HERE HAVING THE CONVERSATIONS WE ALL NEED TO HAVE!💜☮️

Theo’s sincerity is moving. Thank you 🥹

I’m healing from childhood trauma. I’m 34, never had a “real” relationship in my adulthood. I’m an only child. No family of my own. Sad stuff. But just like this man said: THERE IS hope. I’m in a 12 Step Codependency Recovery meeting that I attend weekly.. I also quit porn.. and I’m gonna try and start dating this year and make a TRUE change. Thanks for this RU-vid clip yall 💖💖💖💖

This is such an important conversation. Examining how trauma shapes our schemas and the way we approach relationships is life changing.

A lot of people never address their trauma and at some point it becomes so big, becomes way too much for them to deal with on emotional and psychological level, and they begin to collapse entirely. Some people choose drugs and alcohol, some choose sex, some choose pornography, addiction list goes on. But if you don’t deal with your stuff, you ultimately gonna repeat the cycle over and over and over again.

Today literally marks a year that my ex left me, this video helps a lot. Daily reminder, always stay truly happy with yourself. Have a blessing day y’all.

Wow. I love Theo for admitting these things about himself.

Damn. This dude's honesty and vulnerability. Much respect.

Theo, I want you to know that I think you are brave as hell. Love you, Brother. God bless you.

Ive been alone for over 10byears now. 33 years old. Still think of her every single day, throughout the day, missing her, pissed at myself. She was absolutely wonderful. Just wildly beautiful inside and out. So so good to me. I cant say the same of myself. If i could go back in time, id beat the everliving shit outta me. Since then ive learned why i treated her the eay i did, and i know now i was taking my internal pain, self hate, self worth/esteem issues out on her. And that was SO wrong. I blew it. Bigtime. I Feel like the best of my life has come and gone. I sure hope im wrong.

Thank you for being so open and vulnerable.

I’m in my 40s, never married, no kids, and I used to think that I was just “bad at relationships”. It was only until recently I’ve come to realize just how much damage was caused by me being abused as a kid. In my younger days, I thought that making it through all that just made me “tougher”, now I realize that it just made me straaaaanger, lol. For those suffering with C-PTSD, maybe a “healthy” relationship isn’t the answer, perhaps we simply need to find the “Harley Quinn” to our Joker, and vice versa???

I hope Theo finds a strong woman worth continuing his healing

Felt like a fly on the wall in a room of one of Theo's therapy session. Wasn't sure if I should fly away or keep eavesdropping.

Right there with you theo, tough as hell being in a relationship atm coming from a non affectionate childhood

I had a realization during this convo. The parent is always made out to be the root cause and then the child becomes what they are because of it. The thing is, the oarent was once a child too, and they likely had complex trauma that made them that way towards their kids. Every generation is just another layer of trauma and when you stack up enough generations, you see what a hopeless situation we’re all in unless we break the generational trauma

The level of intimacy and vulnerability that Theo lets us into is a gift. It’s admirable and such an honor to watch. As a therapist, this is such a powerful tool for people to see and help achieve transformation in their lives! Way to go! Keep it up 🎉

You're onto something good, keep it rolling

I’m actually going through this exact thing at the moment. And I’m working with a therapist on this exact topic. Growing up as a kid I didn’t realise how much of an effect my parents not being very present with me was effecting me on an emotional level. They were around but busy or spending their time on other things. They weren’t aware themselves that they were doing this it was just how it was. Dad was busy a lot and after work he just wanted to watch tv and chill out and my mum wasn’t a very secure person she never socialised and spent all of her time at home and was quite anxious. I then subconsciously started looking for a deeper connection through friends and girlfriends but obviously when you grow up your friends move or have a family and your first couple of relationships fail. I was then left feeling emotionally detached from life and myself, feeling disconnected with reality and still do sometimes even now. Not having this deeper connection as a child meant I relied on my self a lot with my problems, thoughts and emotions but that caused me to have low confidence, lack of self, lack of identity. All of this was happening subconsciously I wasn’t even aware of it. Next thing I know whilst one of my relationships wasn’t working out I started experiencing severe anxiety. I would ruminate about my ex girlfriend because her image was lost in my memory, I couldn’t picture her in my mind. I thought I was losing my mind because I was ruminating 24/7 without wanting to. My relationship at this time was already on the rocks and little did I know a lot of it was because of the lack of emotional connection I had growing up. The relationship ended and I became even more anxious and now depressed as well. To this day I still feel really disconnected with life like things don’t make me happy. It’s now a belief I have created in my mind because of a RU-vid video I watched of a monk talking about how happiness comes from within and not from outside of us. My brain has gotten so anxious that everything now is uncertain to me. If I read a book and I’m not sure what it’s explaining I’ll obsessively think about it. If I’m in an area that I’ve never been to before I’ll obsessively think about it, if someone has a go at me I’ll obsessively think about it, if I watch a tv show and the good guy loses I’ll obsessively think about it. Even my speech has changed. I used to be good talking and now I stutter or can’t find the words I’m looking for. Another thing that I experience because of my anxiety is memory loss. I don’t remember anything good really, only bad memories. Family holidays, funny times at work, etc… don’t remember them. My therapist says it’s because my mind wasn’t emotionally connected to them so it doesn’t hold onto the memory whereas it easily grabs onto fearful memories so it’s easier for me to remember them. I’m writing this so people who might not feel anxious a lot might still be dealing with anxiety without knowing it because it effects us in so many different ways and it all started because I didn’t have enough quality time with my parents. So any parents reading this spend time with your kids and be present. Watching tv with them isn’t good enough. Get them outside and playing with you, spend time together making arts and crafts or cooking, have as many open conversations with them as much as possible, ask them how their day is and get them to talk about it so that they learn that they are being heard, also let you kids be risk takers. Show them you trust them and tell them you love them often as well and why you love them. Even if you find it cringy or fake, maybe because your parents weren’t as present with you so you’re not used to it. Just do it. I remember hearing a mother once ask her teenage kid what was the best part of your day? When I heard this I found it really cringey but i then realise it was because I never really was asked those questions growing up. Yeah sure I was asked did you have a good time but I never was asked to explain why. I didn’t really get to express myself

Tim is a gift. Truly.

Theo you brought on Time Fletcher!? OMG I love it! Bro you are growing!!

It makes me feel so much better to know how fucked up everyone is

If someone is looking for a place to start. Look into attachment styles, specifically avoidant attachment. That's what theo is talking about. Happened to me. Rugged pulled from a 7 year relationship from thinking over a weekend. Someone who thought running was a better solution than discussing those concerns. Stay strong everyone.

Theo will never realize how many life’s he has saved. Obviously it is up to ones own self to get sober but Theo having hours and hours of content to lean on helps tremendously. I quit at the end of last December and relapsed recently, I’ve found myself listening to Theo again like I did earlier in the year. God f-Ing bless Theo Von, sobriety is worth it, never think it isn’t. Learn from your relapse and make sure it will be a one time hiccup

Such honesty. I am blown away

Not the colab we expected, but the colab we needed!!

This is great. I appreciate Theo’s honesty and vulnerability.

THE WORLD IS NOT BECOMING TRAUMATIZED, WE ARE BECOMING MORE EMPATHETIC AND UNDERSTANDING ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

More people need to listen to Tim Fletcher. His knowledge is second to none. I was never an addict but I've suffered from CPTSD. His videos have been saving my life along with DBT and stoicism.

Thank you for always being genuine and having real guests. Real conversations our society needs. ❤

The realest person on social. Authentic

Totally admire how honest Theo was… because it can in effect help so many others who feel/ have felt like this

I just discovered Tim Fletcher recently - so cool that Theo is interviewing him here.

I needed to see this so much today. I'm struggling a lot right now.

thank you so much for sharing this. I feel less alone. I’m 22 and I’ve been in and out relationships since 16. And I’ve always found myself soaked in guilt and disappointment from my cheating behaviour. Losing and constantly having hope that it’ll get better. I loved so much yet always ended up committing to hurtful decisions. Thank you so much for this.

I cannot even begin to express how happy I am to see Tim Fletcher getting out into the world and media. I was blessed and fortunate enough to have Tim as a teacher in a treatment facility in Winnipeg, Canada. He taught me SO MUCH. And still does with his RU-vid videos. I hope more and more people hear what he has to say. I believe he has the ability to heal people with all of the incredible information he has obtained. Keep doing your thing, Tim!! 😁

Theo! Thank you so much for having Tim Fletcher on your show! I discovered him about four years ago and learned so much from him about childhood trauma. You are helping many people by having him on your show, including me. Looking forward to watching the full episode.

After having a traumatic childhood . We tend to carry that and get an identical, romantic relationships, I’m 43 and after staying alone for 10 years and working on myself I am finally ready to give a healthy relationship a try. I struggle in the romantic department . Finding a real authentic connection is hard. Especially these days .

This resonates HARD! Thanking you so much for having this conversation and sharing it🙏🏼

Sometimes it takes a certain person who is more important than our trauma to come along and incentivize the process.

Ahhh I love Tim fisher!!! What an awesome crossover. I love that he speaks to both religious and non religious folks in such a respectful, scientifically informed way ❤️

Theo’s journey is truly inspirational. From the stories with Joey Diaz to things he talks about openly, with a full heart and without judgement to the guests he has on, it’s like we can live with him through his process alongside which I am so happy to be able to lean in to his courage. When two great separate circles meet you know you’re on to something. I have no doubt it is resonating with so many people and it is people like him this world needs now more than ever. Super cheesy I know but I wanted to share. Thank you so much, Theo!!

I listen to Tim Fletcher daily. He is part of my day when I am cleaning my house or doing projects his lectures are always on the background. ❤

Tim Fletcher is an expert.

Theo, I am a preschool / early child development teacher and you sharing this interview/information with your audience is just so wonderful. Ty from the bottom of my heart. This knowledge truly changes lives and makes the world a better place. 💖 You are brave for sharing and growing, change and healing happens when you have bravery in your heart and share with others - keep going. There is hope, it can/will happen, keep going!!! (Neuroplasticity is on your side!)

I can relate to Von sooo much. Wish I could find someone exactly like him

I really like this guest. He's got a lot of good stuff on RU-vid about narcissism and trauma and such.

I highly appreciate and respect Tim Fletcher.

Theo is the absolute best. Using his comedy to ease into these topics is great and allows people to connect on a level that doesn’t feel uncomfortable. This hit the nail on the head for me and so many others I know. Thank you Theo for sharing your friends and research from your own journey with all of us.

Theo!! Thank you for actually going through and voicing yourself. Iv NEVER heard anyone actually admit there real HEAVY baggage they carry into relationships, and that has its roots in yourself and not the other person. Theres a very common trope where folks blame thier roots of trauma on the new person in their life, giving them the love and time the one who hurt them NEVER did.

I just realized how much I’ve been gas lit my whole childhood.what an eye opener.

Thank You! Seriously, Thank You, Theo, for having this guest on to talk about these things. Much, much needed!

Theo seems like such a good guy.

Theo over here is a hero and he doesn’t even know it! Such a beautiful example of being vulnerable! Love you Theo!!

Thank you for being so upfront and honest!

I appreciate you sharing this on your platform. I hope so many people in our communities take heed. 🙏🏼

Theo, your honesty and vulnerability is admirable.

I’ve been thinking about an episode like this for like 2 years. Ilysm thank you for being real I think I have been starving for someone to reflect the difficult things I feel in media.

Theo, thank you for being so candid about yourself. I think most of us who care and have empathy can relate

Way to go Theo for being so transparent. I think that just makes people feel like they can too. You’re doing a great job. God Bless you Bro 👊

Tim has helped me soooo much! I’ve been listening to his videos for months. Thanks for having him on!!!!

I like how open Theo is. It’s brave and intriguing.

youre doing a great job, Theo. i appreciate what youre creating here

Thank you, Theo, for your courage and strength. Admitting vulnerability is difficult. Respect to you, Sir.

I am constantly aware of how relationships influence and affect me. A focus on recovery is crucial regardless of whether you are single, married etc.

I always realize theos fan base is always supportive and relating. Thats always good harmony 💙

This guest you had is amazing everyone needs to listen to him ❤

Theo you are helping so many people by being so honest about yourself

Theo.. your honesty and vulnerabilities laid out on the table, is so masculine for one, but truly beautiful. ❤ Real caring, loving men and women, accept their past, and are willing to change the future..and put in the work to do so! He's come so far. I truly hope he continues to stay true to his words and keeps moving forward! 🥺😭❤️

Theo I admire your bravery and what it takes t be so forthcoming in your truth.I hope you realize that not by just enlightening yourself, your enlightening so many others as well. This episode in particular will make a light bulb go off for people who will now have some understanding of why they behave/feel the way you do. It will also help ex lovers understand some of their exes past behaviors. I hope you can reconcile all your childhood trauma and can one day be in a healthy relationship. Wishing you the best.

Thank you for your candidness. I'm a woman, and hearing it from a guy explains a lot and is healing. I've had childhood trauma and see myself being responsible for the feelings of others, being gaslighted from childhood by dysfunctional parents, and later in marriage. Thank you for this, and thank you the most for being so honest.

I've watched every single videos of Tim Fletcher. He single-handedly saved me from unaliving myself multiple times and help me understand myself so much. He's my personal hero ♥️

I admire you Theo for being able to be so open. Thats real dope dude.

Unbelievable vulnerability displayed by my man Theo here. A national treasure 👌

OMG... I finally understand myself after watching this clip and I'm 60. Thank u so much. Mind blown 💣

This is so powerful. Thank you for helping people heal.

Can't thank you enough for this one Theo. It was really eye-opening, and healing for me. Tim is a genius! Sending love, peace, and prayers your way.

Tim Fletcher and Theo!!!🤯🤯❤❤