I listen to them speak, and I mean really listen. Imho People will often tell you who they are/ what they’re about, it’s just up to us to pay attention.
What he just said is so on point. I got married to a man 10 yrs older than me. As I'm growing and maturing he stayed the same. I realise because you are an adult in age that doesn't does not mean you are an adult in maturity.
To all of my beautiful sister's, if there is one thing I have learned in my lifetime when it comes to a relationship with a man, most will play with time as if it has no tomorrow, they have no problem wasting a woman's time as long as she's willing to engage, as women we must learn to except accountability for our own self worth or lack of, plainly put a man can only do to us what we allow him to do.
In my experience some people talk good game but their actions tell a different story all together. I've learnt to believe who people show themselves to be instead of who they say they are.I like to take my time just finding out who a potential love interest is before deciding whether they are worth my time or not, like how they talk about other people in their life, how they treat other people around us when we are together,how tolerant they are of those different from them,etc.But to be fair it took me a while to develop this way of thinking. I believe u can find out a lot about a person just by letting them be themselves and being observant as opposed to asking direct questions and telling them who u want them to be cos anyone can say anything just to get what they want.
Life has been teaching me that life is not a competition. I’ve been comparing my place in life to where other people are. But life’s not a race and my journey is mine alone. Just because someone’s in a better position than I’m in right now doesn’t mean I’ll never get to where they are. It just means it might take me a little longer to get there
I was just journaling about this exact topic tonight. I am learning that all of us are on different paths and that no path is really the right path. We are all running our own races and we'll get to the finish line when the time is right
I ask the difficult questions up front because the last thing I want is to be in love with someone I'm not on the same page with. What does he believe about God? Does he believe in marriage? Does he want (more) kids one day? What his vision for himself? All of that! It makes for good conversation too! At least, more valuable than "what's your favorite color?" and "what's your sign?"
I agree with you on asking everything upfront, so either party can know upfront if the other is willing to move fwd or not... Also Signs are NOT witchcraft to the commenter below. Its astrology lol, but i see what you're saying.
Yeah right. I'm looking at it from the perspective. That our life has many chapters & with this information, I can begin another when the opportunity presents itself. Shalom ✡️ ✝️
I agree with you so much! Believe what they tell you and stop wasting alot of your time.This man still trying to be in my life. What a waste of energy.
I just got out of a long term relationship that was doomed from the beginning but I ignored all of the warning signs. I’m only 32 and sixteen years later, I still have some of my youth. I say that to say if y’all can’t genuinely have a conversation that flows then know that it’s okay to keep it moving.
@Serenas Temper people can start off in a relationship talking all the time with a fake connection and eventually end up barely speaking or arguing over the smallest things because there was no real foundation.
He wouldn't broach the subject of marriage after 11 years, after dragging info out of him he tells me he doesn't think we're compatible. Why did he waste my time? (Why did I let him?) 🤔
That is not the truth at all. If he felt you weren't compatible he would have left or cheated I guess. If he did in the 11 yrs and you stayed. That's part of the answer. If he didn't you were never in his radar in that way. However if its all good we hold on, but 11 yrs without broaching marriage would have been enough for me to. Barring any unforeseen circumstances 2 yrs is the most. If we are building and planning and engaged 5. Ill not invest any more time without a dynamic change. My dad told me that yrs ago.
V kitchenz.. I just seperated from my ex (10mos ago to be exact). He gave me a ring and asked me to marry him. Wedding never came. He betrayed me with a coworker for 5 years, said I changed, I was a different person, I wasn't loving, affectionate and I was and all of the time. We tried to make it work (we have 2 kids). We bought a house and then he leaves me and now he's with another coworker. So why drag 14 years if he wasn't into me? I obviously missed lots of signs.
@@audieegirl3604 It's not that he wasn't into you, but some men are greedy and will be selfish to the extent that we put up with it and their bullshit. You were his "safety net", the one that would be there if things should not happen to work out with the others. Unfortunately, you stayed when you should've been long gone. But... FORTUNATELY, you know better NOW and won't allow the same crap from someone else. Some "men" are just disguised that way, not really built for manhood. You should count yourself lucky that you dodged a bullet, because the alternative would have been worse. He was unfaithful in the relationship, so he would've been in the marriage, too. Girl...he did you a favor. Straighten your crown, glow up and get that man that is RIGHT for you. Fck Mr.Wrong. .. but be careful... because those types ALWAYS come back. ALWAYS.
Mariah Gaines.. Thank you. Just trying to move on, it's been a challenge. Any words of advice when the thoughts of "he's a good person.. in a better relationship..with a better woman " pop in my head (silly I know)? I've been doing the Shift+Delete to get these thoughts out of my head.
Absolutely agree. Having crucial/curageous conversations are important. Matter of fact, I started a book club at my job and our first meeting is today. We're reading a book called "crucial conversations" and how to properly have them. Any of the techniques taught can be used in any situation with anyone that a person encounters. Great advice! I like your new set up!!!!
I had to replay this darn video for a third time due to being distracted 😏😒🙈💪🏾💪🏾 My apologies to Mrs. Jaxn 😁Now about this video, you are so on point. You can't force what's not there. It's best to gracefully bow out and move on so both parties could find their true love and happiness 😊
I thought that he mentioned that he was married before or maybe not. I just wanted to make my peace just in case. Thanks to these responses, I was forced to watch the video again 😁
Life has been teaching me to be more flexible. I can lay the best plans ever but life may have other ideas. Fighting what I cannot control will not serve me. When I was single, a deal breaker for me was smoking cigarettes. I take care of my body. I hike and canoe. No one smoking is gonna be interested in anything that you need to be breathing deeply for. And get that smoke tf outta my face😂 Also there was no shame in my game asking the kid question early.
Ppl who are trying to manipulate you, are quite good at telling you exactly what you want to hear. They are like politicians, talk the shit but can't walk it. Too many ppl want bedroom action. We live in a instant gratification society. Ain't nobody trying to do long term. I'm cool with being by myself. No manipulations, no trickery, no hoodwink or bamboozled bs. My life is quieter.
@@DrkMtrz get rid of them. It doesn't matter if they are family or not, anyone can be toxic to your mind, body, heart, and soul. If it's a romantic partner or friend, the same still stands. Get rid of them, drop all contact. Block them in every social media there is. And do NOT go searching their page to see what is going on with them. When you're done, be completely done.
I think this is wrong with the world nowadays in our generation people don't wanna take the time out to really get to know each other, they just wanna skip the friendship stage and hop right into bed with that person right away and then later on ends up ghosting the person leaving them wondering what happened why they couldn't speak up and just been upfront from the beginning and alot of this could've been avoided, but God gives us a brain and we have to use it and listen to our intuition from now on. because I'm honest person I'm a April Taurus ♉ so I really don't get why people don't like me and why I'm not compatible with anyone when I'm indeed an Earth sign 🌏
We both have had previous relationship that broke our spirit. We are in different healing stages. He has a demanding job( blah blah). So might be safe to both as an answer. Strange how life plays out sometimes
He wasn’t telling me what I wanted to hear. We were both being raw, trying to be honest about what life has taught us, direction we(individually) headed in life, deal breakers, core beliefs, spirituality. Told old to waste time and play games. We butted heads both being head strong and he called it off.
You did. You made sense! His reaction speaks loudly, by no means should have just walked away if what he spoke was his truth. Action didn’t match words. He just didn’t like I stuck up for myself and had needs to
So treu! This message is by far one of the best that you have given, Because when you aply that to your standerts, you can choose with your brain and not with only your heart. Feelings can misleed you. But the right information can direct you 💯 💯 ❤
This is VERY important stuff. If I had gone with my guts instead of letting things ride, I wouldn't have wasted three years of my life that I can't get back.
Life has taught me that I’m on point with my Beliefs... my energy is key to how I approach life and receive it, and trust my instincts. Thank you for my confirmation❤️
I would like for him to write a book his knowledge helps all. Wisdom but if he has to change to get do so I rather him not.. I'm happy he married n found a woman that stand strong with her man.
I haven’t even dated in years and I know that. Yet, yep, I look at people that wonder how they grew apart. They grew apart before they even met each other.
Funny this video popped up when it did. JUST had this conversation with a guy the other day. While he agreed and understood what I told him I was working on in my life, he admitted that I was further along with it than him. I agree that this is an important aspect of compatibility.
So true. Had I asked this in the beginning I would have realized that his desire for self growth was at 0% while it’s something I practice daily. I am adopting this from here on out. For potential friends, too.
What about if you just aren't physically attracted to him but he has great qualities? ... I really want to be physically attracted to the man I start seeing for the long term... hope this doesn't sound shallow.
I know how you feel. I met someone like that recently, but I just couldn't get past the fact that I didn't find him attractive. Unfortunately I became frustrated trying to make myself see past that and he knew something wasn't right so he broke it off.
I have never met one that had the good qualities that was not attractive. I have never met any why looked good and have good qualities either. The ones who does not look good, know they do not look good so they grow up with low self-esteem and a chip on their shoulder for the one who turned him down in school. The ones who look good grows up knowing they look good so they think they should have the life of a woman were someone takes care of them. I never felt any attraction for any of the boys I grew up with. The only attraction they had was if their girlfriend pissed me off. I'll take their attention than give them back. I was attracted to the one who knows how to chill with me and have fun like we just friends and act like he dont want me until I attack his ass.
I can’t believe I’m about to say this but, Derrick you’re so fine! 😂 Intellectually, physically, emotionally. I love your videos and inspire me to become better as I’m reinventing myself.
I wish I would’ve known a lot more when I first got married at 17, but I can proudly say that after 11 years of marriage my husband and I always managed to make it work through the good and the bad. BTW I love watching your videos.
That's some darn good advice man and it rings very true. I wish it was more in depth..I will check your vids as I could really use some serious advice right now
We all know this information, however we chose to turn a blind eye thinking a person will change. It's the same way with weight, changeing your eating habits exercise. I agree with the few vehicle was better.
"What has this season in life taught you?" is a thought provoking question. It's a good one to see just how self aware (or not) a person is. I've been learning that self awareness is key re: spiritual growth and personality development. That would be a good question to see if their values match mine. Thanks Derrick. I'm learning a lot about healthy relationships watching your channel. #LifeLongLearner
Oh i like this i have been single for a long time and i thank i might have meet the right guy. I am going to ask him this question and see what he says. I am a domestic violence survivor and dont want to repeat that.
Wish I have known this truth before I got into a relationship. I wanted it to work out so bad that I didn’t realize I was putting my growth on hold so that he can “catch up” with me. Obviously it wasn’t gonna work out but I didn’t realize that until two years later.
This video could save me years of my time. I did ask my ex something along the lines of "what matters to you, what do you want in life".. I'm one of those people that loves seeing or learning how someone I care about thinks. So, naturally I wanted to know how they feel about certain things, what do they love doing etc.. and his response was always: "I dont know, why are you asking me that? Why do we always have to have these deep conversations, why don't you want to just have a good time, cuddle up/we only have this much time, why throw it away with such depressing convos/ why do you always want to have these heavy discussions. Wouldn't you rather go on a trip or watch a movie?"...... et cetera :) My heart hurt because I wanted him to be more than this, more than an empty shell. I wanted to bring out something out of him, I wanted to be the one that finds it... but in the process I just drained myself. God bless you for helping so many women.
I love deep conversations. Probably more than most people (like you). That being said, there is something to be said about people who enjoy life (the present) as it is without assigning deep abstractions on top of it. There is wisdom in both I think. Just that too much of either is a deal breaker to me. 😄
Set looks nice . Time for some suscriber's/ Guest interaction 😎😎😎😎...Also can you give some more examples /, expound on this subject. I get the jist, but want more scenarios please.
Absolutely. Really made think and also answer the question myself. But once they've answered the question we must watch to see if actions follow. Derrick Jaxn.. magnificent once again 👑
I liked him better when he was in the car....his muscles are distracting! But seriously. I appreciate these types of takeaways: get to the point immediately! Thanks Derrick! Also, I read your book and it solidified and verbalized so much of what my intuition has been telling me.....this click💡 that clarity comes with simplicity. Those who prefer to dwell in spaces of ambiguity & to be convoluted about everything.....time wasters....
Actually .. I dont see the benefit of asking someone what have they learned recently.. for one thing they can just say anything.. number two I wouldn't judge them for whatever they said after.. after all I'm not god.. However my focus would moreso be on whether they are a temporary person in my life like just for sex or something fickle.. or if they could actually be someone that could be an asset and a necessary addition to me life in general or not .. in any capacity.. and how it would or would not affect me.. that's my stance
Good points... but isn’t there an element of TEACHING each other new outlooks on life and opening their eyes to different ways of approaching things?? How much time/effort you’re willing to spend on that is one thing, but surely it’s not a deal-breaker if they’re not compatible from the jump.
Derrick, I can tell you’re highly spiritual from the terms you use... please, may I request you make a video of your spiritual journey and what has helped you?
Very nice atmosphere!! I must admit I'm with her 👇I had to super focus on you cause my human brain was checking out everything around you! LoL 😂 if you're going to record indoors..all we need is you and the curtain! Of course this is only my opinion and suggestion. 😚 You are Awesome!!!
what i have learn and it hurt really bad it so hard to believe that you gut feeling is right i wanted 14 years to have sex again I just knew he was the one but no he tried to use me as a cougar
Have conversations about the things that are major keys. For example any man who don't love god and is not interested in making god the main interest in a relationship then he is a no go.
I think coupling this question with close examination of their actions to see if the two are aligned, makes for an even more solid approach to knowing if you’re compatible with someone. Bc some ppl are very skilled at mirroring & telling you what you want to hear...whole time the picture they’re painting isn’t who they really are. Go off what their actions show.
If they're not working towards obtainable goals & most importantly if effective communication, honesty & accountability isn't in their toolbox..move on.
I love this new setting. your car setting was cool too. I'm learning a lot. Very impressive at all the ways you autograph your work with excellence and keep bringing up great content. Awesome Bro 👍🏽 #TeamJaxn
