How to KEEP A WOMAN: the past is prologue 

If you're a man considering going down the path of marriage and children, it is essential that you learn how to maintain a woman's long-term commitment. This is because the more you invest in any one woman, the more leveraged you are and the riskier that relationship becomes, especially in contemporary society. The key to maintaining that commitment is to understand that everything you've ever done for a woman is irrelevant. I explain more in this episode. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Join my mailing list: oriontarabanpsyd.com/ Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-WrXBzQ2HDEQ.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ru-vid.com/show-UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #relationship #women

"Further, if you're liking what you're hearing".... No, I do not like what I'm hearing, but God, this is 100% true 😒

Experienced divorce attorney here. You can’t imagine the look on my male divorce clients faces when I give them this speech. Even if you are a multimillionaire, great provider, great dad, attentive to her needs and desires, she can leave you at anytime for any reason or no reason at all. “I’m just not feeling it” is all it takes.

"A divorce is the only thing left to give her" - man, that got me going! 😂

Now I understand why Leo DiCaprio keeps switching up. It all makes perfect sense now

Next episode will be on a lighter theme: how to summon demons and keep your soul safe and pure

“Women are like your stomach.” Damn that’s a good analogy.

Great video. But to simplify things the answer is self improvement in all aspects of life. Let me explain. The more you improve spiritually, mentally, physically, financially and socially and in all aspects of life the more you have to offer. Do not waste your time trying to make a woman like you or to make her stay with you. You can only control your thoughts and actions nothing else. If you are constantly self improving people will want to be around you not just women because everyone wants to be associated with a winner. Even if she leaves (because women do make bad judgment calls a lot of time) the fact that you are constantly improving will make her regret her bad decisions due to hypergamy. Women want the best man. So you you simply become the best version of yourself. By the way that isn’t just having money, building muscles and being popular. Ask yourself who do I want to be. When you close your eyes what is the version of you you aspire to be, not what anyone else wants and strive to be that man. Once you are at that journey of being that man you only deal with people who fit in your life. Remember you are the producer, writer, director and main character of your life. Stop trying to force people in roles they can’t fit. Have a goal for your life and it’s either they fit in or they don’t. There’s a cool Nigerian saying “I can’t come kill myself”. Focus on being the best version of yourself simple as that. Things will fall in place. God bless you all.

Been with my wife for 22+ years. The realization in this video has completely shocked me. Because it all adds up and because it seems to ring of truth. Additionally, it has completely dropped all respect for women I ever had. Suddenly learning that Janet Jackson’s “What have you done for me lately” was not pop culture but a statement as to how all of this works makes me ill.

“Everything you’ve ever done for a woman is irrelevant”- That’s Briffault’s Law fellas, before entering a relationship every man must learn this. The conditions of a relationship will mostly be determined by a woman no matter how you look at it, and a relationship where a woman can no longer derive benefits is a relationship a woman considers to be nullified.

There is no relationship equity. This is 💯 spot on.

"Everything you've ever done for a woman, is IRRELEVANT". Solid Gold. This should be taught to all men.

Coming from someone who divorced....this man is spitting facts. Its exhausting.

I wish this wasn’t true, but after experience - with many women, it is

Its never enough. Focus on yourself fellas

My most recent girlfriend kept saying the same things "nothing to look forward to" yet when I'd bring up marriage she didn't want that lol. Glad I'm getting out of this mess ahead of time

I actually don't like your message, but I still watch, like, and sub. Thanks for telling me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear.

Had to watch this one twice. I had to make sure he was actually speaking the truth. It is all dead on.

So what happens when he gets old, when he gets sick, when he has a stroke or heart attack and can’t give her anything anymore. I guess it used to be that family, religion, and societal pressure kept her around taking care of him, but the world has changed. The man may be left out in cold these days. How about an episode about that?

I don’t really get why this is a hard pill to swallow. This makes a lot of sense. When I paint a potential future with my girlfriend, as in « I want to have this, and this, and do this, this is the life I’m looking forward to », I can see her eyes shine. Firstly because I’m very confident in doing so, but also because they are very ambitious projections. So it projects a mix of risk taking mindset, boldness, and puts her in a future thinking mindset. And most importantly, everything is authentic and honest. I paint a picture of what the future with me can be, by also giving examples of what my life has been in the past. I think keeping her excited about her future is a massive skill set for a man.

so spot on bro. The first things you need to delay are. 1. The agreement that you are in an exclusive relationship. Although, this one may be tough to delay. 2. Saying I love you. 3. Moving in together. 4. Having kids. 5. Getting married and it's probably best to delay this one indefinitely.

For a man, marriage is extremely risky today. One thing to understand about the female psyche is that its engineered to follow the herd without questioning the destination. You see this in real life where women are being told they need to focus on education and career and then they hit 30 and develop an existential crisis where they realize the prospect of another 3 decades trying to move up the career ladder doesn't sound good compared to settling down and having a family. The dark side of this for men contemplating marriage is even if things are going well, she's not thinking to herself that the marriage is going well. She's comparing her marriage to her friends, culture, and the social messaging that's telling her nine thousand different ways that her marriage is lacking something. This will make her unhappy over time and divorce risks increase. We just don't live in a world anymore where men actually benefit from marriage, its solely a series of risks and liabilities...

wow!! I am shocked how true this is. 65 years old and with several relationships behind me. Thank you for the information.

This is one of your best episodes. I must be doing something right-my wife has stayed around for 43 years.

This man is filled with so much wisdom, he never ceases to amaze me

The more I know how woman think the more I realize this just isn't worth it.

So basically, small investments but consistently is what keeps them on the hook. Never take her to Fiji, buy her a car, a ring, etc. until those things are there to serve you. She just benefits from them because she happens to be in your life. Take her to Fiji because you're already going there and you want the company. Buy her a car because you need her to have mobility but you can't be always there to drive her. Etc. Do these things for yourself and consistently invite her along for the ride.

Thanks, Orion. I remember years back when I thought the right woman would be a partner to forge a future with. In reality, the best future forging has gotten done when I stayed well away from them. I'd like to argue against it but what you describe is exactly what my experience has been and the experiences of men I know.

Here is my story which illustrates this. My wife wanted to move back to her home country. We worked for 15 years to make it happen. I gave up everything to facilitate this goal. As soon as the move was complete and the house remodeled, she announced that she was done with our relationship of 20 years.

Men, consider this: NEVER enter into a (marriage) contract where the other party is REWARDED for breaking it.

Damn, It's an infinite game like business or the gym (Thanks Alex Hormozi). The goal isn't to "win" the goal is just to keep playing. Knowing it's not "win-able" and purely temporary really helps reframe relationships. Thanks Orion.

This had to be one of the most terrible videos I have ever viewed. Not because of the content. Because the content is true.

Just brilliant! Dr. Taliban is one of the few people on the Internet who can change the way you see the world in eight minutes!

Agree. What you do for a woman works great to get you into her Friend Zone, but not a relationship. But it's who you are and where you're going that matters most for a relationship.

This is a FANTASTIC video. The stomach metaphor makes so much sense! It's a bit disheartening, but this is a close representation of what I've seen in reality. It also helps explain how women get hooked on men. Just like a craving for your favorite food, your stomach will demand it even if it is bad for you. Now we just have to figure out how to be that.😅

Learned this first hand, and man was it discouraging. Thank goodness it was just after a few years of dating rather than marriage!

Bro, I'll be honest. I like your assertiveness. Other channels have psychologists who have great info, but don't have conviction in their eyes when they say it.

Damn thats true, i remember meeting this woman at a party; she was into me and she really looked beautiful.We had a great night i hesitated to call her she then hit me with a message to say hi, we started hitting it off then all of a sudden she asked for money; i refused i told her that the only time i will spend on her it's when she is with me, ever since then she has been wanting to see me. Now i know it has never been about me.

The more I learn about women, the less ability I have to love them.

I absolutely love that Dr Orion isn't waisting his time b*thing about how this is unfair. Yes it's unfair from a man's POV, and now let's move on. Time to learn how to deal with reality instead of complaining. Another excellent video! 👍

If you give a woman everything she wants instead of what she needs, she will not respect you.

A woman is like a Republic. Just change Ben Franklin's "if you can keep it" to "if you can keep her." My ex divorced me after seventeen years of marriage, and all she was thinking about was her immediate future, not what had been done for her. Shortly before the divorce, she told me to my face that I had never abused her and had always provided for her, but at the time I was very ill and couldn't provide.

I had to learn this the hard way fellas. I will never be in a committed monogamous relationship again, unless she is a virgin. These modern women are my name.

I think with this video alone, you are saving thousands of relationships. Thank you Dr. T

Man you're the best at what you're doing. NEVER STOP. You're saving a lot of relationships and transforming lives.

Thank you Orion for this point of view! Never thought of women in THIS perspective.

My experience correlates with this approach. That said, the challenge then becomes the trickling in of the wants in such a way that there is nearly a lifetime of them. This would necessitate that a man execute on a list of known wants while simultaneously creating new ones at a controlled pace. All I can say is there better be a good ROI for all that work. Pick wisely.

I hate how bleak the situation has become. I want nothing more than to have a family, but I'm giving up hope.

Another brilliant take. I understand your point of view in (getting) keeping a woman satisfied on the long run... We all have heard from them "I need more" but on a more distant cynical tone you are also giving all the arguments to AVOID women all together. Because that game you showed how it must be played right now is a genuine zero sum game for men.

So many red pill truisms come to mind: “Everything you give her is a gift, everything she gives you is a loan.” (CGA) “They are not to be pleased.” (CGA) “Feed them scraps.” (AMS) “You can’t build equity with a woman.” “Women don’t build, they move in.” “The Bait and Switch after the investment phase in the marriage wheel (CGA).”

YES ❤❤❤ Can we have more stuff focusing on long term relationship plsssss

I learned this relatively recently and it has helped in terms of not feeling resentment if a relationships ends because I now know that whatever I have done for a woman in the past counts for nothing today.

Brutal. But that is a great tip and extremely relevant even after 35yrs of marriage. Next on the list of things I don't want are: - pool - apartment in the city - renovations - … We do it all for ❤️

I wish you had given examples so it sounded less like manipulation and more like life mapping. I see this as the “we grew apart” issue. If you are family and life planning, the two of you grow together. You are setting and attaining goals as a unit. Marriage, finances, home, health, kids, career, business, community, retirement. Those are some areas you can look forward to making shared strides in that are organic, productive, meaningful. You don’t have to keep manufacturing odd things like expensive gifts or trips unless you have the wrong person. I just feel like this video was thin in what this future planning could look like. Find out your partner’s interests and passions and set goals in those areas and support each other in reaching them.

That's why when a woman breaks a long relationship and gets with a new man, she can quickly be already "in love" with (what she images of) him. She sees all that potential, even if she barely knows the guy. When you're the ex, it sucks of course. But even when you're new guy, it's shocking, how easy they convince themselves, while they don't even know you yet. Both kind of sour us. As the more we invest, the more we lose, instead of the more we build. I'd venture that at least half of the "players" were looking for serious relationships before. It's just the game is way easier that way.

4:29 After the kids, you can grant her and/or be central in facilitating her increasing status in the community, a renewed exploration of being-in-itself in terms of travel and luxury as empty-nesters, and, finally, someone that cares and negotiates in the world -- her health and wellbeing -- as she grows feeble and tired in her old age. I see this in my father and mother's matrimony. My older brother's is very squarely on the road to that. Granted, to give those advanced things as a man (the things that had been listed in the video not requiring much from one's sociological miilue), one has to be growing both personally and professionally in the lead-up to starting a family together while maintain a fair measure of health, good routines and virtue (in the Grecian sense: moral and physical excellence), in order to be a champion to her in both hers and your old age. It's no small feat, and there are innumerable slings and arrows of outrageous fortune that will both delimit and/or prohibit one's ability to be that man for her who increases her status, grants her luxury and adventure, and still be fit enough to fight, as a "village elder" on her behalf. It also requires a woman who is capable of appreciating -- noticing -- you both are embarked on that trajectory since, just like any fitness program, the improvements are slow and measured but can go unnoticed if the waypoints and measures of your mutual success aren't explicitly defined. (success/luxury for some women and couples being, simply, a homestead, an occasional fancy dinner and vacations once or every other year; no debt, current on one's bills; kids that managed to stand on their own two feet ... not necessarily fame and fortune, per se). The bitter pill here is that, sadly, most men nowadays don't ever get a shot at this latter-stage "giving," especially now that the middle class has been gutted and hollowed out in most industrialized states; and, the current zeitgeist for Western women is encouragement to jump ship prematurely, loosing heart too easily with the inevitable setbacks, the viciousness of FOMO culture, the staking of happiness and its confabulation to hedonistic pleasures, within a culture oozing of degeneracy and/or moral, intellectual and spiritual privation. As if the whole enterprise of creating a legacy for yourself was some economic calculess with ROI metrics

100% true 100 % agree . I have been married for 17 years to one women.

We're all gonna make it brahs 👍

In my case, the script was flipped. She out earned me by 2 to 1, and I was according to her and her circle of friends, a trophy husband, but with one major difference: I’m a man, and being a man, you “man up” and always finish what you start. She knew this; I knew this. We were together for 37 years until she passed. I spent the last 3 months being her nurse/shadow 24/7 during her cancerous demise. Despite my lifelong commitment to her, towards the end, she said to me the most shockingly profound thing, “if you were going through this, I couldn’t help you through this”. But, being a man, I’ve always understood that we have certain gender burdens that come with being a man. I’m just a man.

Anybody else feeling depressed after watching this?

My favorite thing in the whole world is cuddling with my husband when he's happy with me. Thats it. Thats what I want. Thats what I wanted when I first ever thought of romance as a kid/teen. thats what I want after three kids. Its something he cant always give me because work sucks or he's stressed with some crisis or whatever. But...I want happy cuddles forever. I want hugs that are full of "we've got this". The two of us have had nothing to our names but debt collectors and medical bills and we've had a big yard with roses- but what I really, really want is tactile "I'm happy you're here with me" -- not that thays easy to give because its not. It takes work to remember to just set your stress basket down for a second and be with me. But its not something any man has to be hamster wheeling for either. Thats it. Hug me while thinking something positive. Or smiling after taking my hand. Or giving me a peck on the cheek with a smirk. It's not that hard. And I'm not that weird. I've had a hundred girls nights and playgroups with people that have been wives for years. This is nigh universal. We want happy cuddles. We want 'this is nice, you're nice' affection and facial expressions concurrently. Its free.

Once again ser you managed to present topic from the realistic perspective (human nature).

Atta baby Orion! (Turn down the "gain" on your mic slightly) 🔥 video

I thought you were running out of steam bro, but this vid is as GOAT is it gets

I feel like this is a rather myopic take on a deeper truth about leadership. Good leadership always requires working towards the next horizon- that's really important for morale. When it come to traditional relationships, it's generally the men who steer the ship and so it's the men who need to be gung ho about the next port. So, if you want a traditional woman, you need to be masculine and lead. If you get stuck for too long, most people in general will start to avoid you for your negativity or complacency. It's not necessarily gendered. Anyway, I still like the video for giving me food for thought. Thanks Orion!

That is why marriage should only be reserved for the sake of raising children and even then, it should only be a fixed term engagement, say 25 years max. after which either party can walk away without financial losses. If both actively sign up for any number of additional years, all the power to them.

Well… I would say that companionship, love, comfort, partnership and growing old in this lifetime was some of the things I looked forward to him giving me. Unfortunately, he passed away shortly after his 70th birthday. I love your advice for the under 40 viewers. Those of us over the age of 50 have figured out the things that really matter in life. I have discovered through your channel the type of woman I don’t want to be.

Loyalty is a survival adaptation that mostly men developed over the course of evolution. You are always valued at what you can do for me tomorrow. And not what you have done in the past. Past performance is not a guarantee for future results. This applies in all relationships. At work, in sports and almost every aspect of life.

How I wish I had access to your wisdom years ago. I NOW see how many mistakes I made and how my overall approach to relationships with women was SO wrong. I actually thought all of my past actions and my current presence was enough for a woman. Now I see I should have focused much more on the future and emphasized what I could provide that I already hadn't.

AWESOME video and timely. I am living this right now with the woman I am dating. Bravo

I’m divorced. Have a girlfriend now. I always start planning our vacations early in the year, so there is always something to look forward to. Seems to work.

I love your enthusiasm on the relationship escalator. Thanks for what you do

LOL Ha Ha Ha ----- Where were you with this advice 40 years ago ???? Best information 2 give young men 16 - 21, a must have 4 their rite of passage. Great work Doc, I'm still laughing @ myself. Dilly Dilly, Jolly Well Done

This is insanely good information. I think I’ve been doing this unconsciously for the past 20 years. Yes. This fits with my own experience! Coming through on your word is huge or she will use it against you (as she should), but I milk that shit for weeks, months or even years if its a big enough prize! With free content like this, I may even consider joining your paid OF!

“I wish it were different, but that’s just how it works with women.” I’m 26 years old and have endured some truly horrible things from covert narcissistic women. I felt that last sentence to my bones. I wish it were different too man. Thanks so much for providing great value

My favorite channel on RU-vid,..thanks for the enlightenment bro 👏👏👏

A sumnary for both men snd women. A womans interest is not maintained by what you do for her. A womans interest is maintained by what said woman does for you. Just as your interest as a man is maintained in her by what you are willing to do for her.

As long as you are offering something the relationship will drag on .also if her survival is attached to you and you are the means to it.then it will move forward otherwise its pretty much a dead end.i believe its a matter of when you get redundant in her mind,the idea of your usefulness.

Spot on Sire! As always!!

It's worth adding that with time, decades, the things she wants aren't necessarily material. In her 50's she starts to think about companionship more. This isn't to say that you can rest on your laurels, but she understands there are more available women than men and she wants to hold on to what she has. You still have to earn and look presentable

In other words, it's about how you make her feel; and whether you can keep making her feel that way. Let's be honest. If a woman gave me great sex for 5 years, but then lost her sex drive and stopped (even if it isn't her fault), I would also find it hard to stay with her. So this principle about past being irrelevant applies to men just as to women to some degree. The difference is that the man will stay longer and is less likely to cheat before he leaves - provided he has principles, of course. Many don't.

This is absolutely nuts. The only thing that will keep a non-gold-digger in a relationship with you is her investment in YOU, not what you can gift her. She has to be worried about losing YOU not what you are going to give her next. She has to be in love and feel loved in return. That certainly doesn't mean obsequiously pampering her with material things. It means time together, quality time, creating memories, fulfilling her sexually, and mutual emotional intimacy. You have to water the relationship, not dole things out to keep her in a state of anticipation.

This is one of the best ever. OMG, I'll be telling this to my son.

You made me understand something so important about a past relationship. Thank you

Yes, for the most part you are right about a woman's thirst that really does not satisfied by a man, especially today's women. On top of this is the lack of appreciation by a woman, becomes destructive and very hurtful to a man. Working in woman's senior's home I think as women age it all catches up on them, people around them feel disposable by these woman too. There is an old saying, what comes around goes around. Could this be true?

Make women EARN everything you give them and watch how this whole process will slow down to a pace you can easily control

Totally spot on once again. I lived this once, I gave my all, and tho it wasn't much, in the end, she was like I gave nothing. Took my own way, away from women in my life, I regret nothing.

You have such excellent metaphors. The past is prologue to what she wants to be a neverending story, and you'd better be ready to keep that swashbuckling romance alive. This goes with the idea of being a ship's captain, seeking to employ a navigator, and during courtship she is keenly considering the benefits package -- counterbalanced with your advice that "only founders get equity," since so many girls open their bidding with a straight-faced ask for an equity stake, whether she was there at the start with you or not.

I mean us men also want our needs fullfilled continuously. I think it's not asked too much to rely on your wife/husband to help you fullfill your needs all life long. As long as it is mutual, of course!

Absolutely correct. Try your best to prolong everything

Simply brilliant! Your ability to promote understanding these important dynamics is peerless. My life would be considerably different if I'd understood these things in the last as well as you've helped me understand them now. Kudos, Sir Orion!

So true. The song “what have you done for me lately “, comes to mind.

This totally fits with my own experience...brilliant content as usual!

This video throughly encapsulates the main concepts of all of the Briffault’s laws. Each every single of those individual principles are uncomfortable truth that every man should learn to assimilate. The earlier, the better.

Orion, your content is pure gold. Thank you.

Omg spot on! One of your best yet!

Or as Janet Jackson sang "what have you done for me lately?"

Spelled out clear as day. Thanks.

Yup I’ve been experiencing this very thing with a woman. Thank God for your insight Orion 🙏

After watching several of your videos and having recently in my longest and most serious relationship after 9 years of being single, I wish I had seen them earlier. Idk whether to be hopeful or not of ever been in another relationship again. Thanks for the content!