Body count and SEXUAL JEALOUSY: moving beyond the number 

The number of a woman's previous sexual partners is often of interest to the men she dates. However, it's not immediately apparent why that should be the case. I argue that the sheer number might not be as important as many men believe, as this is actually being used as a heuristic to gauge other attributes of the woman in question, namely: her attraction and her ability to pair bond. I also discuss a surprising way in which a woman's sexual history comes to bear on relationship longevity. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-WrXBzQ2HDEQ.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ru-vid.com/show-UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #relationship

One man’s two years relationship is another man’s one night stand

I care about a womans body count for the same reasons I care about my financial planners "former" gambling addiction.

They don't lie to spare pain, they lie to save face and hope their chances of commitment don't get torpedo'ed!

Never be the guy that pays for all the fun the other guys had.

It’s not jealousy, it’s just disgust. An absolute turnoff.

Body count is like BMI. It's a gross indicator. It's not completely accurate, but it's still a really good indicator.

Nah the higher the body count the more you will have to pay for the mistakes of other men. And honestly when does higher body count equate to higher sexual proficiency? For women, it doesn’t really mean she’s any better at sex because she’s had higher number of partners. It’s kind of a crappy deal honestly.

This man knows no fear

My ex girlfriend initially claimed 3 partners, one night when she was drunk she admitted to 30+ guys. I kicked her out that night

I learned a lot. I have this girlfriend who had SO much casual sex in the past. I tried to ignore this because who am I to judge her past; right now she's with me, and I know she loves me. The problem is that every time she mentions another man (sharing a story, something humorous, etc.) is about a man she slept with. So, I feel that as a constant reminder: nobody has made any effort to sleep with her, ANY, because she only went out with very handsome guys, so, if she met them, then she was already in the mood to have sex with them. These last few weeks, I started feeling less interested in her, and now I begin to understand why I'm having these emotions.

If a woman’s number of previous partners (body count) didn’t matter. Then why do women get defensive when asked

The problem is that "7" average is also very sus. Women consistently lie to their partners about their body count. If they are willing to lie to someone they supposedly care about, why wouldn't they also lie on an anonymous survey?

So basically men have to have swag, have game, be tall, intelligent, bad boy, rich, clout, be a leader but not be in control, have a bunch of resources, be charming and be good in bed...and the woman can just do whatever they want, be a starfish and have the ability to walk out whenever they want, what a time it is to be a heterosexual man, no wonder most men are checking out and I don't blame them

Any body count she gives you is probably a lie. She’s not yours, it’s just your turn

As a guy I find the double standard for guys pretty pathetic. A lot of the guys teaching approach/seduction/confidence with women etc have body counts in the hundreds if not thousands. I don't care how confident you are or grounded you come across, if you've reached those numbers you're deeply insecure, likely incapable of a serous committed long term relationship, and in many cases you're a sociopath.

Always judge of your woman by her past because her past is your future.

"The more partners she's had, the less likely your gonna be her best" in combination with the lack of sex men have means those men will never amount to her sexual expectations. And by those men, i mean MAJORITY.

Men, have a good life related to work, friends, hobbies etc. first. Then, consider a relationship. Easier said than done….

A man's Future will always matter to a woman. A woman's Past will always matter to a man. IT IS WHAT IT IS!

High body count = Higher chance of STDs. Don't think he mentioned this...

Problem is she could be lying about breaking the rules for you 😂

Doctor Orion, we don't want to know her body count because we've decided to commit, we want to know her body count to see if its a good idea to commit. In the same way we would want to know the past performance of a company to know if its a good idea to invest in that company.

Body count matters because statistically the more sexual partners you have the more likely you are to be unfaithful. Simple. No need to overcomplicate it.

I don’t know what Planet you guys are from but when your mother finds out that your wife has a high body count, your marriage is over

from what i've seen and experienced, the more partners a woman has had, the more emotional damage and baggage she carries.

I’m a hop skip and a jump away from deleting RU-vid, forsaking the internet and going full monk mode 🙏 freedom here I come 😎

With the first woman/scenario, yes I would still feel apprehension and disgust. And yes, those other men, if any of them are around or still in contact with her, are potential backup plans in case our relationship goes south. In fact, I would be downright suspicious with that change in behavior. 15 dudes she tried to take seriously and none of them worked out? Sounds like she has a problem picking men or an issue with herself that causes breakups to happen. Agreed on the second scenario, though. Her view of herself and her SMV is really skewed from that one relationship.

I come from a small Himalayan countryside in India. Here this is how it goes: No Seal No Deal! Marriages here are very successful. No gender war. But Western degeneracy is creeping in.

It was that girl that was hooked upon one of my male friends. She wanted him badly but he didn't want anything more serious with her than conventional hookups, because she had a (well known in our circle) very high body count... She skillfully pressed him for a serious commitment and when he told her she has a high body count she said that that's a regretful past, she is not that girl anymore, she has regretted it and only future matters. He responded that "if you really believe that, then I'm relieved and we can work a relation, because in my part, I was a no-touch-pedophile for 10 years but I have regreted it aswell and I'm not that man anymore - but please don't tell anyone". The next morning she had blocked him from all social... LOL... Mind you, this friend had days earlier informed us that he'll tell her this lie to show her that past matters - and guess what... after she blocked him she informed everyone in our circle that "this guy is a pedo"... LOL

4:20 You probably still don't want to marry her. She broke up with 15 partners, she's pretty likely to break up with you too, sooner or later.

Dude you started this channel as a legend and are still one. Every episode just as good as the last. I do often find myself saying "ahaaa, so that's how it works!" Pure , unadulterated logic, love it !!!!

I wouldn't discount just 'good old fashioned disgust' vs. the construct you're describing. Sometimes a used toothbrush is just a used toothbrush, and an increase in mouths, whether they were lesser mouths or greater....is just gross, because A touches B, and B touches me.

If she isn't breaking rules for you and chasing you then eject. She isn't really that interested in anything except your resources. Also, my wealthy brothers, hide your damn money. If you don't you will get a lot of these transactional women.

Interesting how the psychologists of today see relationships are purely transactional. Like everything must be weighted and have it's value appraised. In Orion's vision a relationship it's like a share or a bond. There is no affection, connection, nothing. Pure market forces inside a stock exchange. I believe this is a chronic effect of social media on people. Every second of one's life is being drained towards their alter ego, now virtually trapped inside instagram, facebook, twitter etc. In sum, love has become a commodity. Given that, like Salt, Gold, Wood, Slaves in the past it is only a matter of time before there'll be wars because of love.

4:40 it didn't work for me this way :v

Brilliant talk. Currently dating a woman and we didn't sleep together out of the gate. I wasn't too eager initially and in fact this made her more eager the next time we met. Implementing some restraint on my part actually made her persue me more. I know there's multiple psychological things at play, but it has shown me that by not placing too much relevance on the act, actually improves it.

I heard the "toxic ex" story from a recent encounter, makes me smile every time to remind me - this is not long term.

I would add one additional caveat that could be a game changer in what she chooses to do and not to do. It's not uncommon for people who live recklessly and throw caution to the wind to put themselves in a position that becomes unfavorable to them. Desperate people do Desperate things. A woman just off a divorce from my experience ends up being the wildest she's ever been. That new sense of freedom( similar to spring break) as well as a desire for revenge against her ex causes her to have an attitude of wanting to do more for the next guy. Also, if she's tied down with kids, she may not have confidence in her options and will once again likely do whatever it takes since her options are limited. Circumstances and life experiences can change the outcome of what might not have occurred in a different scenario.

Womens sexual statisfaction is a guage of the relationship, not necessaily sexual prowress. Yes, it helps to be a stud. But, D1 college chad gets cheated on too when she says "I been unhappy for a long time and Bob from accounting just hears me"

As a woman with no body count, I have to admit, I honestly feel the same way about a guy with a body count. It truly does cause sexual jealously and disgust (even for women). Once I know the guy I'm seeing has a body count, there's an immediate distrust that he could possibly cheat. I assume guys feel the same way about a girl with a body count. After I find out about my guy's body count, I usually don't stay with him. Maybe it comes from the sexual jealousy that I don't feel special or valued/appreciated by him. As well as the disgust and distrust, that I personally in my point of view, I don't feel like the intimacy would be taken as a personal sacred bond of affection. Men listen to what I'm about to say please: it's OK to wait. I value and RESPECT a man who has morals, self respect, and the strength to endure and resist petty casual sex encounters. As a woman myself who upholds this personally, waiting to find my special person, I so gently with due diligence wait. While proudly not haveing a body count (for my own self respct and value). I just wish more men knew and understood this too (as well as other women, for you guys out there out of my reach). Do whatever you guys and gals want with your bodies, just don't be dishonest with your partner about your body count. It does matter to the person who you're seeing for along term commitment, and it does impact how your partner views and vaules you. You wouldn't put a used bald tire with milage on your brand new car right? YOUR BODY COUNT DOES MATTER. YOU'RE NOT IMPRESSING ANYONE AND IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU'RE SPECIAL, for both men and women.

Your thesis is not supported by data. A recent study showed that there is a dramatic difference between infidel and faithful wives body count. Infidel woman had on average an order of magnitude more sexual partners than the faithful ones. It is not a matter of discussion, is fact. As a man you don't want a high body count wife, period.

He's over-complicating it. If she sleeps around, she's lower quality. End of.

I’ve noticed that the more sexual partners a woman has, the more masculine she is. Probably has something to do with that hunter/conquerer personality trait. To be fair, I’ve met plenty of masculine women that weren’t promiscuous, but I’ve never met a promiscuous woman that wasn’t masculine.

7 😂😂😂😂 who believes that? thumbs up if you think it's way more than 7 🚀🌒

Just earn money, drink beer , sleep and repeat.

It’s also about the assurance of paternity. If a woman is more likely to cheat, any child she has is less likely to actually be yours. The higher the body count the less likely she’s able to form stable LTRs…and she’s a bad investment as far as any sort of committed relationship.

With my Ex, she said I was her 5th (which was concerning but I still went with it). However, the issue came when I learned that after her four year long relationship (which she was devastated after the break up), she engaged got into one hook up and then another straight after. Then, she met me a month or so later. I learned this all 8 months into the relationship. It made me lose all my pride and respect for her. The worse thing that happened is that I found out about someone she initially had a FWB with (immediately after her 4 year break up) and that I found out because I ran into the guy at an event. From that moment, I could no longer see her as a future wife, the future mother of my children. I could no longer be proud to have her by my side. So now, I am vigilant and cautious when dating as I am vetting so something like this can be avoided. P.S. I was 23 and she was 25, so the age difference was a bit of a disadvantage

Guys, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t inquire. The best bet is to stop putting relationships with women before yourself and your circle of friends in nearly every instance.

Virgin or nothing. I'm prepared to spend life alone.

I've dated people with high bodycounts before and they all turned out to be addicted to hookup culture and unable to ignore the urge to return to the clubs. People like that can't be anyone's life partner until they work through their issues on their own. I don't want to go through my entire love life constantly at risk of STDs or being a victim of paternity fraud so these days I hedge my bets.

Sure, it's all relative. But the first woman in your hypothetical sounds like a major liar. I think the concerns of high body count are very legitimate. And as they say, women will tell on themselves eventually. Maybe not the number, but in some form.

Your nuanced take fits with my observations exactly, which is why I will only marry a virgin, and, so as to avoid being a hypocrite, will not have sex until marriage.

Everything you have said seems to align with what I have experienced. I've been in dating situations in the past where I am expected to wait, and once I achieved a higher status I found that being made to wait was quite rare. I also realized that a really good bed game led to far more interest from the woman, in some instances leading to clingy behavior from her that I have a difficult time escaping from. It's really true that the less I care, the more she's intrigued.

Haha, I'm a 40 yr old virgin, none of this applies to me 😛

How to be a Logan Paul.

It seems to me that female happiness matter to much in a relationship is all about her and her f needs. What's the men getting out of the deal?

Re confirnming what in our subconscious we really already know... As women have become more sexually liberated, and mentally influenced by media.. there really is no solid reason to dead aim focus on ( provision, and being comforting emotionally) Sexual experience and excitement outranks those traits..

8:18 I think the attachment style reason given here is the single best explanation as to why a women with a low body count represents a better mate choice. Its great to hear Dr Taraban going into attachment styles. I do agree that a powerful climax is important but, for me, secure attachment style is fundamental for LTRs.

7, who believes that?

Usually I agree 100 % with your videos however this one is more nuanced. I guess it depends where a man is coming from. If a man is a confirmed bachelor like you what you say makes sense. However if a man is looking for a life time marriage and a partner not so much. Research studies have shown the more sexual partners a woman has the higher the likelihood she would divorce and/or break up the marriage. Marriage minded men then are correct in wanting a woman with fewer sexual partners as a woman with fewer sexual partners would bode well for and lead to more favourable offs for a long term relationship/marriage.

Back when i was looking for a person for a long term relationship, body count was one indicator as to her ability of willpower/impulse control. (Similar to the marshmallow test they did on children) I also was looking for someone with at least some Christian values in regards to marriage, in that we are serious when we take our vows and be committed to the family we make. I've been married for twenty years and still very much happy. However, I understand that was twenty years ago. I have three boys so I look at the prospects out there for them to pick from and it isn't looking too good. My wife and I are doing our best to teach them, which is all we can do.

Imagen going down on a girl that has a 50-100+ bodycount, hell no that is just nasty. True i am looking for long term relationship. Higher bodycount as you point out gives bigger risk of her being a Alpha widow. Life is not fair and since most woman have higher bodycount vs most men this is another disadvantage we have to over come.(change the kid is yours also goes down with her having higher bodycount)

Spot on. My wife is always at her most affectionate, loving, and happy after great sex. It's literally like giving the relationship a video game power up. Who knew that something so fun can also be so beneficial? In fact, I would say that relationships at their core are not difficult if you do what is pleasurable and what gives you happiness. It's only when you give in to negative emotions (envy, greed, doubt, spite) that things go downhill.

My GF (ex) had 50 body count, the count didn’t matter as much as finding out the hard way that _”past actions dictate future patterns.”_ After a certain number the body count (and frequency/method/pattern) does matter, no matter how well you can deal with their past.

A high body count is a turn-off. It shows how little self control she has.

This explains my last date. I had no problem with her body count being 30 as mine is the same + some sexual encounters but all the other problems mentioned in this video were there. I fully agree here btw, women who had low body count were for that reason instantly emotionally invested in me, they started behaving like real spouse material in the 1st month. We had sex on the 1st day and nowhere did they indicate being a slut. However I have had that girl with the high body count let me wait 2 months before sex, 1st time for me in 5 years. She gave me an STD and had all kinds of issues. Thats where I learned women can simply be really attracted to you and you could be her best, regardless of them postponing sex or not. At the end of the day it became very clear to me body count does matter allot. Excellent video, thank you.

Body count matters only to an extent..even a woman with only 1 body count can not be good partner to another man if she is still heavily emotionally invested in her previous partner. She would be called an alpha widow. Few women I know are virgins but they are attracted to and heavily emotionally invested in fictional characters from anime😂..Now they want a man just like that character if not better. so they are alpha widows even though they are virgins.

Ok but you are forgetting women can say any number and tell you anything about their past relationships

I agree with these conclusions about women for men. I just don't agree that a woman breaking her rules for you is something good. It think it actually shows a lack of self- esteem, which is something to be avoided. This is a measure of self respect, nit of attraction. And I also think that there are other far better ways to measure her attraction. But for women the conclusion from this video is that even if a man is happy with the physical aspect of the relationship, that will not lower the chances of him cheating. Then it would be nice to have a video to help women evaluate the cheating potential of a men describing the psychological profile of a classic cheater and the profile of men that in therapy said that they never cheated. Help the girls too. 😉

You don't even have to ask. You can just observe them for a while and you will know.

That's on point: that's why men have a hard time dealing with women who have one night stands: because some men got the sex in exchange for basically nothing. Same for girls who had exes who did not provide anything in the material department (artists, broke guys...), they got the sex without providing or being required to provide. Same for "open relationships", the sex wasn't given in exchange for commitment. All of this means: the sex was probably better with another one.

And if you want to marry a virgin, you'd better be one yourself.

Men must be 6’0+, fit, handsome, not balding, great income, great car, great house, be fun, interesting, and everything. Women just have to lie there. Remember, even that thousand pound sister had a boyfriend. 🤷🏿

We should all put on our adult hats for a moment and agree to admit that the average of "7 partners" for a woman in her lifetime is the biggest crock of shit for the average woman in the 21st century. Maybe that was the case 50+ years ago but not anymore. I know dozens of women personally who are as young as their early 20s to as old as their late 30's and outside maybe one or two, I don't think I know a single one that has had less than 5 male partners, genuinely. From the shy ones to the extroverted ones, women are very deceptive and dishonest about how many partners they've had, I know for a fact that most of my female friends have as much as 2-4x the body count of my male friends who themselves are good-looking and successful. Since 95% of women can get sex or a partner essentially whenever they want I think people would be shocked to see the real objective stats, although, we'll never get to see them. FYI, I'm only referring to women that I've known either for years and or intimately, none of these women I'm referring to are inherently bad or nasty or anything necessarily negative at all, it's just reality, even nice girls secretly like having multiple sexual partners over their lifetime, hypergamy is overwhelmingly powerful for women.

All of my f3male friends have admitted to having at least 20 former partners. All of their girlfriends as well so yeah the 7 is outdated 😊😊😊

Jealousy is a good thing. God is jealous. Jealousy is anger in response to a threat against something you are protective of because it belongs to you by right.

I started dating a 26-year-old virgin about a month ago. I was skeptical, but she's Cuban and came to the USA with her family for college. We've since started having sex, and I definitely believe that she was a virgin. We had to try about 3-4 different occasions to full insert because she was super tight down there, and it was somewhat painful for her. Now it's better, but it was an interesting experience as I had never slept with a virgin woman before. She's super easily aroused and always wants to do something. It's pretty cool honestly. I feel honored in a way even if she isn't aware of how everything works exactly yet. edit: I've also never been cheated on to my knowledge, at 35yo now, 11 serious relationships. I have always made it a point of pride to get to know what works for my girl, so I guess I always kept them satisfied.

Think is by far the most idiotic episode with little to no attachment to reality 🤡🤡🤡

Lower than 5 body count is good...

You approach this subject from a mostly useless perspective. 95% of your takes are helpful to me. It’s not that I disagree with what you say but just meh. For me, I’m mature enough to get a read on a woman’s past without asking. Many women voluntarily surrender info. My issue lies with how quickly they talk about it and what information exactly they choose to divulge. I’ve ghosted pretty (8+) 20 somethings once they mention an ex early on in the dating phase. The best advice to most on this subject is to STFU about the past and learn to read the signs.

Studies show a strong relationship between number of female partners and relationship success / happiness.

Why dont you talk about males'body count too????

Body count is more about if she's been alpha widowed. No man, absolutely NO MAN wants to be her second choice. Promiscuity is also a marker for impulsivity, lack of forethought, lack of deductive reasoning lack of emotional control and ignoring mens desire for her to protect her innocence, a necessity in raising his offspring, his ability to condition her and teach her his specific needs and imprint on him.

I am a traditional Asian woman living in Europe. I can't understand why people are becoming more and more easy with sex. Showing your body in front of strangers is normal? Once I asked a man if he went to prostitutes. He said why he had to pay for sex meanwhile its free everywhere in online dating apps 😐. Think about it, ladies :)

Body count is a way (albeit very crass) of asking about character. Fornication (for both sexes) is rather like blackout-drinking or gambling: not beneficial even once; certainly bad if it's a habit.

My whole argument against the why does it matter crowd is that what one spends their time doing is a major indicator of who you are. If you liberally sleep around its indicative of risk seeking behaviors for short term satisfaction. Hard to trust someone who needs that stimulation. Be better and dont waste time frivilously.

Your first hypothetical is pure fantasy.

Finally! An OBJECTIVE analysis of the body count topic. Some people may agree or disagree with certain parts, but we can at least all admit it was objective.

Higher body count means higher chances of getting an STD. It's surprising you don't mention that.

The nonsense of worldly "wisdom." Let's point out the problems. 1. Womens' attraction and experience of sex is note merely physical as it is for men. "Get better at sex." Isn't useful advice for guys, because you need to improve the quality of the relationship for her to feel like the sex is better. 2. More partners-> less satisfaction. The survey data us clear in this.

I was watching a DJ Vlad and TK Kirkland interview, and the topic of Brittany Renner came up. Both said, they'd rather not know what a woman's body count is. Vlad commented that he'd rather have a clean STD test and a good moral character. Seeing how I think most women would lie about their body count anyway, I'm inclined to agree.

LOL. Records are made to be broken.

This sort of touches on the retroactive jealousy I have towards every girl I've dated. Nothing makes you feel more like a simp than putting in years of effort for something another guy got just for buying her a drink.

they are lying sweethRRRTTt. the average is NOT "7"...NOT A CHANCE !!!!

7 ? I don't know ... I think they took older women in account because it's crazy out here with the young ones

Women use comparisons unequally. If a woman has been with 15 men she will compare you with all 15 on only their best qualities. All 15 could be mediocre overall but each one just needs one quality that’s great for her to see you and others as inferior for not matching and besting. That’s why the more men that runs through a woman the harder it is for any man to truly satisfy her because now she has an amalgamation of the perfect man to put you down with. They conveniently ignore their weaknesses. The hypergamy trait is her flaw in finding satisfaction.

So should men stop having casual sex to save the dating pool?

My ex said her body count was 150 💀 And that's why she's an ex now.

You make some good points. I do think it's a bit odd that you completely ignore the evolutionary psychology perspective of genetic competition vs access to provisions dual mating strategies. I don't think your statistics driven observation is at odds with the evolutionary psychology perspective, but rather adds a "front brain" aspect to the "rear brain" theory. When added together, it paints a pretty complete picture of why the old traditions surrounding mating existed, and why we've gone to shit since abandoning them.