HOW TO KNOW YOURSELF | DR. KIM SAGE 

I read David Goggins book, "Cant Hurt Me", and he includes challenges with each chapter, the first being writing about all the traumatic events that happened in childhood. Then, another is to write down all of your successes. When we get stuck being all poopy pants about how we are screwed up, in other words stuck in the default mode network, pull up the succesess to minimize the identification with trauma and the thought that thats who we are. Anyways, thought id share that... makes wonder if he knows you! 😊

“It was never enough because I felt never enough” Wow!! That’s me to a high degree!

I’m in awe of what you’ve achieved! You’re such an inspiration. You should be very proud of yourself for being asked to participate in the Harvard project.

Since finding you channel, my journey toward understanding whats under my hood and how the engine of my psyche affects my relationships, has truly accelerated the healing process exponentially! Ive also rekindled my meditation practice lately, knowledge plus introspection equals growth; thank you for making these methods available. Youre making a big difference in my life ❤

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="648">10:48</a> "i would trauma dump to strangers" YES !!!! I have done this for 3 years and with hindsight it was TOTALLY wrong and it has given the wrong impression to people who think I'm a narc whereas the truth is that i suffered (as an empath) at the hands of a very dark narcissist and i have no family, few friends and I didn't seek professional help. Today, literally today i have an awareness of what I've done and I'm using that awareness to stop trauma dumping and am striving to be the outgoing positive person i was before i encountered a long period of domestic abuse. Who am I ? Well, I always say "I'm a flower power child, creative virgo with a passion for beaches and travel. Peace and love is the only answer in this tempestuous world" IN REALITY as my ex psychologist said in the 90s I've lived 3 lives in 1 (now 5) but i suffered childhood abuse, always tried to please my parents which has spilled over into my adult life. I SERIOUSLY OVERSHARE (delete this post lol) and I'm desperately trying to cease that to be a better person with society. I'm usually quite outgoing but when my traumas surface it stifles my vibrancy. Changed gender in 1985 of which has seriously affected my social network so i tend NOT to mention it on forums. Major bereavements in the 90s, cancer survivor 2014 and ONLY NOW have a strong desire to rise up again and become successful once again with my fashion design. I sincerely hope I'm blessed with a few more years on this beautiful planet. Life is precious, Music is Life and Your Accent is Pretty Cool !! Have a blessed week

This is such a helpful and timely video for me. I’m just starting to discover who I am after spending the first 20+ years of my life doing what I thought I “should” be doing and who my parents wanted me to be. I’m starting to take terrifying but small steps in the direction I want to take my life. I’m holding on to hope that taking action, no matter how small or scary, will slowly help me out of the nightmare of childhood. Thanks Dr Kim ❤

I’ve been watching so many of your videos over the past few months. I feel like the information and insights you present have helped me finally who I am,my traumas, why I do what I do because of those traumas, and what I can do to improve myself. I don’t have words to express how thankful I am for you and your work.

Congratulations! It's weird that a channel of 60,000+ subscribers is medium-size in the world of the internet, but I'm really glad you were seen enough to be part of this. Very well done!

You give me hope that I can change

You are an inspiration for sure. It’s been only a couple of years that I realized that my childhood was not healthy. I’m in therapy and now I realize how trauma shapes our life. Your videos are very informative and you sound so soothing and transparent. Great channel !

The best thing that ever happened to me was the breakdown of my relationships with both of my older sisters. By my 30s I had figured out that my parents were dysfunctional broken people. Not healed from their form of raising kids but able to recognize it and able to start working through my childhoodtrauma. And just turning a label on them helped me manage my relationships with them. Both of my sister's claim to of recognized this at an early age but are actually still reflecting that childhood trauma. I love that they took me under their wing and tried to protect me. They were life savers for me growing up. But they both have drug and alcohol issues and that unsteady behavior began to affect my relationships with them by my 40s. So for 9 years they've not been a part of my life or each other's. That we fell apart was very sad. Devastating at first. It wasn't my choice to not communicate. And still is sad. I hope we can all be close again someday. But wow it has been so beneficial to me because I realized they still labeled and decided who I was. They worked to make me dependent on them. They do every thing my parents do they just come at it from a cool loving direction. And I had lived my entire life either under my parents control or theirs. Never knowing who I was but constantly being told who I was. I'm 49 years old and about a year ago I woke and realized wow I am for the first time in my life my own person. Just me. And I really like me. I had no idea. Also about the time my family was finally totally melting down I was just coming out of my third long term relationship...with yet another man who just like my family attempted to tell me who I was. These past 9 or so years have been the best years of my life. I have friends but I don't see myself ever letting anyone in to point where my identity is what someone else needs or expects it to be what they need!!! And I'm strong about it. If anyone in conversation oh you seem like the type to be like....I give it a moment and consider this description then if I don't agree with I will say actually and politely rephrase it to clear that up. Not just for them but for me.

The doing is definitely important. Doing and sharing with even one other person we trust/love, I learned, is even more important. We need another to reflect our goodness and inner beauty back to us to help us diminish the sound of the negative voices we absorbed as our own.

Fantastic you are an inspiration!!! I am 62 and still starting over from PTSD. You give hope thanks so much xxxx🌷🌷🌷🌷🌷🤗🤗🤗🤗Enjoy the moment of Celebration xxxx

I have BPD and just started therapy. Your videos have helped me so much. Thank you for making them!

Yes, I'm proud of you too, and so grateful for your work! Cheers

Thank you . I don't even know where to start. I have been suffering as long as I remember. You make me cry and I want that. You are talking about me and I hear that.

Wonderful content as always! So much great info on figuring this out. I'm almost divorced and out of a toxic relationship at 65. This is the first time in my life that I'm not clear about my sense of purpose. Such a strange place to be. Taking things one day at a time to move the needle forward. Congrats on being included in the Harvard group! You totally deserve it.❤

Thank you for showing up and giving us the courage to do so. Love how you are so authentically you and speak with so much ease from your earlier videos. ❤

Congrats on your selection from Harvard. You are worthy & an asset. Dont change to much....your genuine personality is "special". Never abandon your sweet, caring approach for prestige from an ivy league moment. Moments come & go but YOU are You forever & we love who you are. Genuine, kind, caring, insightful, smart, warm, honest, authentic & lovely inside & out.

good for you!! you're content is great. you totally deserve that recognition. no need to apologize.

You are so amazing, your work is life changing! Also, sometimes the bully is your sibling. My sister grew up to be a narcissistic Machiavellian psychopath. She did A LOT of damage further by a narcissistic alcoholic mother. I'm 52 and just beginning to heal. You are the only professional that I see recognizing and understanding CPTSD. It is so difficult to even deal with physicians for physical medical reasons, it's disgusting.....

Thank you for your video. Can you please make a video on why some of us cannot focus on the hobbies or interests that bring us joy. We would rather daydream than do things that bring us joy.

What lovely wallpaper.

My goal was to get out! That's it!

You are such an inspiration. You're so authentic and real and such a role model for me. 😊

I don't know why but I'm in tears watching this video, tears of joy actually. I guess I'm just really happy and emotional and grateful for the clarity and for started this journey to understanding myself, my childhood trauma and hopefully towards healing. Thank you! And Congratulations🎉 for getting into Harvard! You are doing really great and keep up the good work!

Thank you so much. I love how we find the right person at the right time to help us. You are a blessing Dr Sage ❤ love from Scotland ❤

Do your inner critic work. Get quiet. Journaling. Meditation Try to find the adjectives that describe who you think you are. Be loving. What stories do you tell yourself? Eg. I am loving. So whats the story with that. What are your dreams. Have some objectivity about it. How wud you like to know yourself? To see yourself? Who are you when nobody is looking?

Congrats Kim! What a wonderful recognition of your very hard work and lifelong achievements....you have climbed many mountains. 💖

OMG! After life long shrinks! YOU! You are saying everything to hit nerves, tears & fears💔💔💔😭😭😭who are you?

Thank you. Just the information I was looking for. ❤

RU-vid popped you into my suggestion list this evening. I've watched four so far and tossed a handful of kleenex along the way. I will be watching more as soon as I can. You're helping me unravel myself. I had sat down earlier this evening and began writing about why I'm angry. I don't walk around mad, but it's hiding under the sofa. I realized between that and watching one of your other videos that why I don't have many friends goes back to the first person in my life that a friendship should have formed with: my only (and older) sibling. She pushed me away in resentment and I believe that has been hindering my friendship development process. Keep doing what you are doing! Its helping me move forward in life.

I’m celebrating with you! You’re accomplishment now has been the culmination of a lifetime of tears, perseverance and learning. What a journey! Pride in ourselves is hard fought and illusive until we are closer to healed. Looks like you are able to give yourself that beautiful gift! Bravo! to making it to here!!

Several years ago, I was diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder and, at that time, Clinical Depression. The psychiatrist told me that having both simultaneously is called “double depression” and it led me to contact the VA Crisis Line. I took Wellbutrin for several years, but stopped taking it about six months ago and the mental fog has finally lifted from what seemed like the longest funk in my life. Tried counseling, but the only option seems to be CBT and that method drives me crazy! I am 68 and recently filed for divorce after 47 years together, so I feel like I need counseling but don’t know how to find someone. Enjoying your videos!

You are amazing, congratulations on the project, I'm so happy for you! Please keep us updated on how it's going.👏 What an impact your wisdom is having 🙏 Can I also just say you look absolutely fabulous as always.❤

This video has been so helpful. I paused it after each question you asked and answered, had a talk with myself... And I've had some really great realizations through this. Thank you, Kim. Wow.

Thank you! You make the best videos with the best info.

Excellent video Dr. Sage. Thank you for sharing your inspiring story. It feels good to be reminded that the resilience, compassion and self vulnerability can mend the soul and make one stronger and happier than ever through our behaviors, beliefs and consistency.

I appreciate you honesty and voulnarability. I recently found your channel. I could not explain my mom to myself.. As she is not plain narcissistic and you helped me realize she is boarderline. I felt so seen and heard for the first time. Thank you from my heart

Thank you. ❤ AMAZING !!

Right video for the right time. Thank you!

Kim thank you your my RU-vid therapist

Congratulations Dr. Sage!!

I feel like Ive been looking for you my whole life. Thank you so much for creating your content, they have brought so much clarity x

This is really great content! I’ve been reading, listening but this is really great. Thank you very much!!!

Thank you for ALL you share....whatever the medium ♥️

I took notes for everything you shared and will keep taking the steps to move forward, thank you SO much :) I really do appreciate you creating this.

Such great content!! Feel so grateful I came across your channel a few days ago!!! Absolutely so what I need to help in my journey 🙏🏻💞🙏🏻 thank you!!

Thank you for this video. I needed this direction at this point in my life when I’m focusing on re-parenting myself. ❤

i found your channel tonight. This video spoke to me! Wow. I needed to see this and hear that I need to START somewhere. Thank you!!!

You are sooo helpful as well as being such an inspiration. I am exactly on your journey.

Thank you so much for your videos ❤❤ I always going to be grateful to you, beautiful lady!

Thank you for this! ❤ I enjoy your videos and they always help me..

Thank you - taking the step!

This is what I’ve been working on and wondering 💭 how I go about getting to know myself

Congratulations! 🎉 I am happy for you and your achievements. Thank you so much for all the knowledge you share and for showing up for others from a vulnerable and honest place 💕

Thank you for this❤

Thank you!

So helpful! ❤

This is such a good video, thank you. Your channel has helped me open up to myself and what drives me.

Thank you 🙏

Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and personal experiences. I'm new to your channel and looking forward to watching more of your videos and doing many of the things you suggested. God bless you.

Wow thank you Dr Sage!!

Wow! I am truly inspired

Congratulations and so happy you will reach more people on various channels ❤❤❤

Love you so much. Thank you. Congrats on the Harvard thing. ❤

Congrats, SiSTaR! 🙏🏼🎯Harvard! Woot! 🥳🤩👍🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Thank you for this. You are beautiful!

You should know that you are really really helping me where no one else has been able. Thank you very much❤

You know your TRUELY healing when you can say, sure I went threw trama, but it's made me who I am and I love me the way I am... There for I can accept my past as it was.

God Bless you Dr Kim

Adult Kids!! You look 35! You are a beautiful person inside and outside.

I have discovered your channel earlier on today and I’m in owe of you and your content! I want to congratulate you sincerely for bringing up 4 kids on your own while being a fabulous professional! It broke my heart as you said you never wanted to be a divorcee, really well done for what you have achieved privately and professionally! You deserve to be chosen by the Harvard students so much, your content is clear, concise and always giving. Wishing you and your 4 children a healthy, happy future ❤

Thanks so much for sharing all you have learned! I love the stick figure exercise! I'll be trying that. 😊

I love you sharing your life bc it's similar - I was a stay at home mom to a narc and had to raise two boys through college alone. They def see my flaws (but I always told them they would) and I want them to. Long story, I get it.

Subscribed. Your words are very helpful. Merci!

That's awesome I wish I could get out and do something to better myself

Flashback to the time shortly after I started working on my mental health (as a young adult) and my dad somehow thought it was appropriate to say "Yeah, you're much better now. You used to be horrible to deal with." (to make it clear, he was telling me I was a horrible child) I think it goes without saying I spend 0 time with this person now.

Someone who you are is someone worth knowing ❤

You are amazing😊

Wow Kim! I am so impressed that you survived and overcame the bizarre stuff that happened to you but perhaps if it didn't happen you wouldn't be doing this channel. I'm so proud of you. I have a bizzare story too but it doesn't include marriage or children. Maybe someday I'll share it too....yicks. 😮

www.hsph.harvard.edu/chc/creators-summit-on-mental-health/meet-attendees/ Here’s a list of the incredible creators who have been part of our Harvard Public Health seminars!! Please check them out!❤❤❤

What Can say? As life continues with exceptional guidelines towards writing a new story and examples of my Native American heroes rising into our Nations History overcoming adventures of Historical events that led to my generation of young men and women not knowing how to deal with our inner critic tendencies. Late I have noticed that friends & family alike would just dump there anger and harsh words towards all present efforts to regain self-respect, after years of marriage in other state which ended ,but the hurt from narcissism left by my partner goes unnoticed.

You look great for being 55! Not many people my age still look good LOL. I always wondered what it would be like to date a psychologist, deep psychoanalytical conversations over breakfast LOL.

The story of how I found you is long, but I'll cut it short as possible out of respect to anyone that may subject themselves to it. Someone very dear to me, my best friends for nearly 5 years, has been dealing with mental health issues much of her life. She had started a group with me on social media for those that have dealt with such things, or traumatic situations or even a combination as she had. I wanted to find videos such as this to help others find ways to aid them on their way to becoming whole again, or maybe even the firsttime in their life. I researched depression and anxiety, as they were her two greatest enemies, but as I delved deeper, it began to look like BPD, perhaps HPD, as some lines blur. Then add CPTSD, and an addiction to a number of things she seems to cycle through. It was my desire to gather what I could to present to her things to discuss and contemplate to urge her to seek proper treatment/therapy for once. Sadly she saw my attempt as a way to press upon the fact that she is damaged, and point out her flaws, and remind her that she's defective. Needless to say our relationship is dead, and there's so much hatred towards me, she prefers to associate with the man that exposed photos of her self harm to the world, and literally tried for the last six months, to coax her into committing suicide, as an alternative to doing anything with me. And yes this was painfully condensed while trying to get it to make sense

I like song done by peace orchestra - who am I. I listen to it, when I want to figure it out. Played the song a lot lately.

This is actually really interesting. What about when some people c all you can alcoholic? If you're not educated on things like narcissism you can easily let it become your identity. I don't think it is my identity. It's to do with choosing to come into consciousness and healing. Certainly now I am living by who I think I am rather than labels people try to give me. It's like becoming your authentic self.

Thank you doctor for giving me the name of my new band trauma dump❤

I'd be really interested to know how you would respond to my answers of the questions you've presented here. But I don't have 300 bucks an hour, so... 😝 Again, thank you so much for making helpful content for those of us whom cannot afford private therapy. You're an angel.

Hi Kim, thanks for the great video. Like others I have watched hundreds of mental health video’s from which I’ve learned many great things. However, I feel like this is the one that has been missing all this time. I’m wondering how I can get in touch with you to connect more about topic? Thanks. ❤

And congratulations on being chosen!! Well deserved from what I’m witnessing watching you. I believe you are doing important work and doing it extremely well 🙌🥰🙌

I literally (I am not kidding) spent about 1 YEAR with the words “who am I?” running through my head in 1991. I didn’t tell anybody, just thought I had OCD or something. I couldn’t answer it though. Eventually it stopped, but I wasn’t able to answer it. That was 30+ years ago (thankfully I can answer it now, lol).

❤❤

💗

From my parents .

But that's the thing if U were scapegoated, Ur parents were projecting onto U, I think U are what U like, what gives U energy, and yes that's also applies to narcs, they are energy thieves, but if U enjoy painting not for the result, but because of what U feel in the moment of doing it, that's who U are.

Congratulations!!! Omg you soooo deserve it. I can’t tell you how much research I’ve done over the last few years, and I don’t remember anyone addressing these issues the way you do. It is more than helpful… I think possibly life changing.😄 Your personal life experiences, even tho traumatic, are helping many. So it appears you made lemonade out of lemons. So thank you Dr. Kim for sharing your life AND expertise. From your friendly neighborhood borderline. Or not so friendly, depending on who you ask. Don’t ask my adult daughter tho.😊

Your not 55 quite playing, your probably not a day past 30. But I don't doubt that your smart enough to get into Harvard, considering your one of my all time favorite psychology professors. ❤

Mwah ❤

My biggest bully was my sister😢