When I was about two years into marriage, how to lead in marriage became very important to me. I tried just telling my wife to do stuff and pretty quickly I learned that ain’t it. I just kept praying “God, lead my family through me.” And His response was always the same: “Abide in me.” After doing this every day for months and months, I noticed that I became the leader in my family.
@@BlankPaperFilms Yes, that is indeed the correct approach! So many men leading is to be just telling the wife what to do, often based on their own whims, or at the very least, their ego. But that's not what God will be blessing. Instead, leadership is responsibility and service. That's also how God leads. You did great in turning to God for help in prayer and letting Him work! The world needs men who pray and abide in God, so thank you.
To be a man, a husband and a father in this feminist society is probably one of the hardest jobs there is. I love this topic and I hope you have more topics regarding feminism and toxic feminism, how it’s ruining our country and ruining our families.
When your wife knows in her heart that you are humble and not self-serving, but always striving for and looking out for what's best for your family in what you do, she won't have a problem following. That's a trust that cannot be assumed or demanded.
I would explain it as my husband has a 51% majority opinion in our marriage. Depending on the situation, it might be much higher. I certainly don’t need to verify every decision with him, but for important things we definitely discuss. We usually agree anyway, but when we don’t, we each present our opinions and come to a decision. Very rarely does he have to play the “husband card”. We’ve been married almost 14 years and he’s used it twice. (Both times about choosing where we would live.)
Yeah, that is the way sensible people do it. Mutual trust takes care of everyday decisions. And even in cases of conflict or high stakes, playing the "husband card" should almost never be needed. A good leader (in marriage as in professional life) is open-minded, willing to listen and always prefers consensus to control.
My ex-fiancé was deep in red pill. As a Christian woman I wanted a more traditional man, and I was mistaken about him. He was actually just an "insecure tyrant" as Matt put it. The problem with clips is I cant really tell what you all are talking about. I may go to the full podcast. I am encouraged that you are acknowledging the extremes exist and that a domineering, controlling man is not a healthy expression of masculinity. So good job on that.
@@petitsacados In the whole podcast he basically says the whole red pill has bad roots, and therefore it's not the good approach, it's just another extreme without God. He also shared about his personal struggles in building a real godly marriage after years in believing and practicing the wrong lifestyle.
Honestly the biggest red flag when trying to find someone is if they say they’re pilled in someway. I do understand that the current dating pool for Catholic women is filled with childish guys and it can be tough my sisters have this problem I hope you find someone.
Our effective authority we have in the lives of others also depends on our ongoing relationships with those people. If I all of a sudden decide to exert my authority as head of the family I wouldn't blame my wife for being resistant.
The key is the authority is not be out your ego, but because you're letting God lead through you. So one has to be obedient to God first and close to Him, have a life of prayer. I think He God wanted it so, because men naturally have it more difficult than women to come to God, with spirituality in general. So to build than leading *through God* it's a challenge and task for them, through which they grow and mature in their faith and obedience to God, and therefore in their whole person as well.
Leading your wife doesn't mean telling her to make you a sandwich, but to correct her if she neglects to feed your family. You cannot tell your wife what to do, unless the sole purpose of it is to make her holy. Be like Christ to your wife, that also means you serve her, and you do that by making her holy.
Glad I listened. The Title made the content sound a little too Rad Trad. The actual discussion was enlightening. There is a balance that husbands wives have to negotiate to achieve God’s plan for marriage. Telling your wife “just do it cuz I said” is not leadership and not love……
@@HereThereBackAgain of course not. The Church says wives must listen in all things except sin. It would be so gravely sinful for a husband to do that. He is the head to direct the family towards good and avoid evil.
mike you should keep rolling with the idea of discernment and how you can't look up things on reddit and such. great advice. its being too cerebral versus being to impulsive. can't wait to hear more on cmasc
Maybe it's because I am not American (but very Catholic still): St. Paul doesn't address the husbands when he talks about feminine obedience to them, he is talking to the women. So guys: you are not the ones to judge or demand! When St. Paul addresses the husbands, he is talking about self-sacrifice(!) like Christ sacrificed Himself for the Church - for a Church that didn't believe in Him, that ran away from Him, that negated Him. THIS is your job, husbands! To lead with selfsacrifice! Is it a surprise that this was never mentioned in this hour-long conversation (I listened to the whole thing)?
You nailed it. I'm 70 years old, been married for 48+ years, and have been a deacon for nearly 27 years. Doing marriage prep and preaching at weddings, I will point at the crucifix and let the man know that is how he is to love his wife. One of the good things about being a deacon and talking/preaching about marriage, is that people can verify that I practice what I preach.
This is so embarrassingly wrong. Christ sacrificed but he also led in practical ways e.g. “come follow me.” “Walk on water” etc. the husband is the spiritual and practical head of the wife. Everything else is just a one way ticket to hell
@@user10cool Well if you know better than St. Pauls who he should have been talking to, I am really impressed. I can't see where he orders the husbands to control their wives, maybe you can help.
In addition to that being all true, however, Christ is the head of the Church. Likewise, the husband is the head of the household. This in no capacity means “do what I say because I say/you owe me x, y, and z” but that does mean that he should be Heading the household. He should be leading it & guiding it, and encompassed in that is the role of self-sacrifice.
I listened before posting. I'm glad that they both say abusing your wife is wrong. The problem I have is the way they say it seems to imply a woman doesn't have the right to say no when her husband, to use their example, tells her to have sex with him when she's sick. Men shouldn't do that...but women don't have the right to say "no" if they do? The framing of this whole thing just feels off. If this is really Church teaching, im not sure I want my daughters getting married. I have a good husband, but it seems too much of a gamble to think they will.
You dont have a right to say no if you have no good reason. Men endure so much bs from women thats just now coming to light some of you always goingt ot he extreme when women say no to sex because they are "tired" this is after their husband just worked a 16 hour shift but shes tired from being in the house.
I think this is an example of why men need their own spaces to talk without judgment or potential misinterpretation by women. The suggestion was that men ask themselves what would God want us to do. What kind of man would say that God would approve of them asking their wife for sex when she is sick? There was an implication that women ought to do this too, i.e. ask what God wants them to do in any given situation. In kindness and love, I'll point out that what we want for our children means nothing at all if it isn't aligned with God's will.
@@HereThereBackAgain- You once again seem “intellectually juvenile” because you didn’t watch the full discussion and it’s immediately obvious. Kind of embarrassing on your part.
Women have too much to lose if they admit that feminism has failed and women are more suicidal, miserable and unfulfilled than ever. But they are worried it will go back to the 1940s and that’s why fear is driving their decisions. It’s not an acceptable excuse, but that’s the excuse.
@@JP2GiannaTThis is like arguing against having government because some governments have abused their power. You see how that argument doesn’t make sense. Husbands should love their wives and never tell them to do anything sinful. They should direct the family towards what is good and towards heaven. Wives should obey their husbands (as the Church and scripture both affirm) in all things but sin.
People forget marriage is 100%-100% not 50%-50%. However, husbands have a particular responsibility to God and have to answer to Him about how he raised his kids and managed his household. And the wife has her responsibility to show how she fulfilled her obligation as her husband's helpmeet (not doormat). When either refuses or is unable to perform their role to the degree needed, this is when marriages become strained and a cross to carry. Positively, these challenges are saint-making circumstances if the affected party perseveres with faith. Don't mistake this for saying that anyone should tolerate abuse!
Never heard of this guy before, but loved the full interview. I noticed that the substance of what he was saying was like 99% the same as what Tim Gordon was trying to say when he first came onto your channel, but he did so with frankly a better approach and style than Tim and made it very clear what he was NOT saying. I think men and women can digest his interview much easier and pursue Biblical marriages.
I think there’s such a lack of masculinity in talking about this with catholic circles. Feels like a lot of creators apologize over themselves having to talk about “wives submit to your husbands”. Or explaining it away so much that it’s not even the same command anymore. Glad there’s men who aren’t afraid to say it how it is, respectfully Matt I think you could be tougher on it as a massive fan of you and your channel
I’ve been married for 19 years. When I hear Husbands like this talk about the possibility of refusing to let their wives go to the library, just to see if they’ll listen. It sounds abusive, and not at all like the submission the church teaches. Husbands are not Fathers. Saying, “ don’t do this or that, because I told you so,” doesn’t work. The Tim Gordon approach to marriage leads to more feminism and broken homes. Very disappointing.
HE IS YOUR HEAD SO YOU FOLLOW HIS JUDGEMENT END OF DISCUSSION, I dont why wommen find it so hard to follow christ but then demand men be a way that benefits them.
Why would anyone think that masculinity is related in any possible way with telling your wife what to do? The entire argument is useless. The only way a marriage can be balanced and healthy is: submission to God and serving each other. Stop there. Yeah sure maybe the man is the head of the family, but guess what: the woman is the neck.
C.S. Lewis talks about the "bottleneck" in The Abolition of Man. He calls it the "heart" - sense of morality and ethics, which meditates between the "head" - reason and intelligence - and the "stomach" - desires and appetites.
Catholic doctrine clear states a hierarchy in marriage. Mutual submission is an oxymoron and opposed to countless sources including scripture passages, writings from church fathers/doctors, catechisms, and papal encyclicals.
Mutual submission is a false doctrine. Not trying to start arguments but we risk leading people astray. Marital debt is mutual but submission to husband is on the wife. Both submit to God. Lots of confusion there
@@cruztraveler that is to be worked on with encouragement. Also the selection of a good husband is paramount and these things would be apparent early on in dating. Your vows don't disappear if your husband is making mistakes You don't obey sinful leadership However you can bear the cross of his failing and many Saint wives did Pray for your husband if so Look how many husbands are faithful to wives who disobey, do not show affection, and nag them Does anyone cry for that abuse? No and men are still expected to die , provide,and lead for bad wives God expects from you even if your spouse fails
It's funny how this discussion and comments have looked at it as simply a matter of whether the husband's opinions and decisions should trump his wife's. This is a very limited, narrow and competitive way of looking at it. Single motherhood tells us one blindingly obvious thing, and that is some men's refusal to take RESPONSIBILITY.
I am a young man, and honestly, I always wanted to be married one day, but I just dont care anymore. I'll just be voluntarily celibate marriage is too difficult and if you do it wrong it could ruin your life
As much as celibacy/perpetual virginity is a great charism, it has to be intentionally chosen for the greater love of God! In that case, it is actually superior to marriage. HOWEVER, it it's chosen only because of the disdain for marriage, it loses it's merit and is a sign of spiritual stunted growth. At least that's what some Church Fathers said. Can't find the direct quotes at the moment, but they've written quite a lot on virginity/celibacy for the Kingdom of God, if you're interested in reading more; they also said the value of virginity isn't as much in itself for its own sake but in consecration to God, and that it shouldn't be an escape from the difficulties of marriage; the value lies in that it's directed to God, and foregoing the good and natural trajectory towards marriage, for sake of even greater love of God.
Add being unattractive and for some guys it's tough to simply "trust God" and ignore all the factors that give you a bad chance. There is so sin is choosing the wrong vocation (even intentionally? Unless it's priesthood I assume) but the attitude that brings one there likely means there are issues. Praying for you because you're making total sense friend
Read extreme ownership it’s not a marriage book it’s actually a business leadership book but it’ll help you a lot more than this guy trying to appeal to the current zeitgeist
As Satan says in the book of Job in response to God asking where he has come, “from going back and forth on the earth, and from walking up and down.” Satan is hard at work right now and he’s winning. The beautiful thing is that all God has to do is speak and He will win again.
A good husband should know he leads the household but rarely have to pull out the because I said so to his wife. I struggle to find a scenario in which the husband has to do this if both are acting rationally.
As a woman, this model of marriage is just too risky for me. My life and future can be in serious jeopardy if my husband gets it wrong. I'd rather have a relationship of equals where we are both always able to leave safely and so every day we're actively choosing to be together.
@@mr.e8432 That's not up to you to judge. You sacrifice yourself for your wife when she disrespects you, runs away from you, just like the Church did with Jesus on the Cross, that's Pauls demand for you as a man. Let the women decide for themselves what to do with Paul's demand.
@@ralfbettker-cuza7432 Yet our mode for the marital life is the Trinity, which is One eternal act of the persons headed for point A. Your response is communicating this scenario of a point A. AND B., such in which the wife’s harmonious role in the marriage must be conditional upon the husband fulfilling their part. That’s a dysfunctional mode and perspective of marriage. You’re a free rational person. Do what you will, but keep my words, whatever value they have, in mind.
I’d be very wary of these Rad Trad ideas of the wife being subordinate to the husband types: it’s all too often a mask for psychopaths. Lauren Southern’s horrible experience is an excellent case in point here.
Fair enough to be wary of rad trads, but the wife being subordinate to the husband isn't a rad trad idea, it's the default. We just live in a radical feminist society.
Lauren Southern was married to someone who was agnostic. Yes, obedience makes no sense without both in the marriage believing in Christian ethics (her horror story is an example of that).
🕊. W Who decided that a Christian woman Must/should be led? The Bible says a man should submit to his wife; the man and his wife become one. It didn’t say one in front and one behind. 🤔 women are equal to men in all things except physical strength. Why should a man direct his wife to stay home. 🤔 He wants to ensure that he knows where she is so that he can go out and Sin.
That verse is referring to the marital debt. The man must submit in that sense, but in every other sense, the wife must submit to the husband. Just read the Bible. Read Casti Connubii
This was so messed up and not scripture and what God or St. Paul meant whatsoever. Love is sacrifice lay down your life!! Quite the opposite of what was said by you both! You are leading people down the wrong path. Maybe there is a full conversation here but this little short it sounds evil.
What the heck are you talking about? You have a big listening problem. That’s not what he said at all. You need to take the time to listen to the full interview. You are the type of person, someone easily triggered by masculinity, who would benefit from it.
Disgusting comment and the full interview is probably the best of the last couple years. We can tell he’s on the right side of things and you’re not just from this mean-spirited comment. Do better.
@@markcreemore5879 are you even christian asking non sense like that theres a difference between old and new testament and every christian knows this lead with scrioture or your being led by the devil.
Okay? Are you going to tell us the sky is blue also? That is a given. Watch the full interview if you doubt this man does not completely love his wife. 🙄
