I love how this is like sarcastic therapy. I feel like it's sometimes annoying to have someone try and make you LEARN FROM THEIR SUCCESSES. In these videos he makes people LEARN FROM MISTAKES, which is a nice therapeutic change.
If you want to lose friends just get saved. Awake thou that sleepest, and arise from the dead, and Christ shall give thee light. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-PpylUDKrHek.html
I feel like it's because it's more "reachable" yk like, if people keep telling you what you have to success you just think "ugh, I'll never get to that point" but if they tell you what to avoid, you might think "hmm.. I can avoid it and do something else/ "better" instead" Especially if you realise it by yourself. Sometimes our dumb selves don't want to follow others but if we realise the problems by ourselves, we actually have a kind of source of motivation coming from us?
the meaning 00:14 #1 Talk about others 01:24 #2 Talk about other people traits positively 02:15 #3 try to contribute 02:54 #4 optimism is important 03:49 #5 Be open-minded 04:28 #6 Dont have a large ego 05:08 #8 Allow yourself to take criticism 07:48 #9 stop Being flakey 08:50 #10 dont be afraid to take initiative
I have a question for the no 3! What if they make you not want to learn anymore, make yourself limited. People generally see others as static, but we change all the time.
Honestly I needed this video because I’m a bad situation of losing connection with my friends and family. I’ve been doing all these steps and now I realize what NOT to do! Thank you
I'm a pessimist pretending to be an optimist or actually no. I'm a pessimist but don't spew out the filth. I wonder how is everyone supposed to be so optimistic and outgoing and cheering others when nobody ever was cheering me at all. I don't get it. How can you know a taste of something without ever tasting it?
Heres The List Boys 1. Talk about others and do not boast about yourself 2. Talk about others in a positive light 3. Be usefull 4. Be possitive 5. Be open minded 6. Have no ego be confident not arogant 8. Take critism and learn from mistakes 9. Show up to things you say you are going to 10. Assume innituitive and take action
I too relate Donno if I must be happy or sad bout this. I have always been an extrovert and used to have atleast one or two close friends with me throughout high school & pre-uni But now, here I am in 2nd semester of BTech, with no close friends nor a single kind soul to share anything with. I feel so helpless and lost
I meet like 80% of this video's criteria, why are people still coming over? WHYYY? The only thing I don't do is talk about myself constantly because I'm too lazy to systematically point out my obvious superiority.
Strangely, people tend to not do what you tell them to do. So by telling us to be negative, talk about ourselves, etc., the way this is presented really puts it into perspective. Thank you Better Ideas, this was great.
It creates a great example of what not to follow as by my observation people find the "inspirational" trope to be too much work or a grand goal whereas videos like this gives us a reason to not sink as low and gives "I realllyyy don't want to be that guy" vibes. Visual representation of negative reinforcement basically (i think? Correct me guys if I'm wrong).
It really drives home the fact that because stuff like this is usually painted in a bad way, you don't want to be a shitty person in general, so you tend to avoid this kind of behavior too. Of course, no one is perfect and we all have flaws of ourselves one way or another. But we can at least slowly develop a habit of being a better person.
00:14 #1 Talk about yourself 01:24 #2 Talk about other people negatively 02:15 #3 Be useless 02:54 #4 Be a pessimist 03:49 #5 Be close-minded 04:28 #6 Develop a large ego 05:08 #8(7) Don't take criticism 07:48 #9 Be flakey 08:50 #10 Never take initiative 11:01 Outro - Borrow money and waste it
The pandemic became a reason for me to disappear, and eventually I moved away from everyone I know. I was just so exhausted, burnt out really and didn't want to deal with always being in-demand. The problem is that I developed all of these traits in the video because of exhaustion, and I feel guilt and shame for it now and the irreparable damage that I have done to some relationships in my life. I wish I had had the insight at the time to just say "You know what, I love you but I really need some time away to just focus on myself". I would then have given people the option to opt out or be supportive and give me some space. Instead I gave them nothing, no explanations, no honesty I just withdrew, and I regret that. And ironically, I am still just as exhausted.
The big thing missing from this video is any observation on health. Better Ideas assumes that everyone has normal energy levels, but we don't. If you're exhausted, unhappy, or mildly unwell, you just cannot generate the happy energy you need to keep up with other happy, energetic people. If this is the problem for you don't beat yourself up about it. Try to address the health problem, then find people who will accept you at the energy level you can maintain. Watching this video just made me think of how hard it is to be social if you've got a problem (chronic fatigue, in my case). I didn't have any of these traits before I became ill, but illness and isolation can make being normal quite difficult. I feel for you. Hope it all gets better.
The problem is that we support a culture that indoctrinates us into these modalities of behavior. Self interest and self fulfillment set on blast, the absolute need for comfort, and resilience that is so thin, a paper lantern would be jealous
I think that was the intent of the video. He single handedly called everyone’s flaws out in one video and showed why they’re toxic. No one is perfect and we can take steps to fix some of these traits. I for sure aligned the most with pessimism. I was way worse when I was younger, but I tend to always get sucked into the negative side of things and habit of complaining. I need to work on tolerating stress better. 😅
On the ego thing, I also have a problem. Ego isn't actually thinking about you're perfect! People who hate themselves can also have a big ego, because they think they're more important than they are in others lives. I've dealt with this a lot. I have low self esteem, and in a way it gives me a big ego, because I tend to overcare and think others think about me a lot more than they do.
People with a big ego who are not secretly insecure are rarer than people with a big ego who mean it and actually think highly of themselves. True narcissism is rare; most people with big egos are often depressed, or just have a generally low self-esteem. Whether it's a coping mechanism or their true genuine feelings of self-worth, people with big egos need to fix their attitude, because people will never help you if you act like a jerk.
I feel you on the ego bit. And its never really like you lash put horribly or put people down, its always trying so hard to establish yourself and feel unique. And that never really happens you know? You become so consumed with standing out that you dont realize how agonizing it is to try and stay afloat like that
You just helped me figure out what my problem is. I've always been a bit socially anxious, feeling like people are always watching and judging my every move. Always being afraid to take a step forward, because I'll get "judged" or "made fun of." Always afraid of asking directions from strangers, since they might think I'm stupid and clueless. Afraid that all the mistakes I do is being noticed by everyone, and that they're secretly laughing at me. Because of my fear, I tend to assume the worst that could happen.
"Claim that your a realist even though your really a pessimist" fucking nailed it! I have family that does this and i just recently got done telling them that expecting the worst and expecting people to let you down constantly is PESSIMISM!! That shit felt so good to get off my chest! Thank you for yet another awesome video and they keep getting better! Good shit dude!
In my experience, expecting the worst and assuming that people will let you down is seeing into the future with 99% accuracy (the 1% is when they let me down in such a way that I couldn’t even imagine it)
Question. How did you go about changing yourself and was it difficult? I’m in a same situation right now and sometimes I’m not even aware that I’m doing these things.
It's kind of a shame that some of these things happen unintentionally because of social anxiety. I feel like a lot of people don't mean to flake out for example, and a cycle of not wanting to go out can emerge.
That is the point. Social anxiety sucks but dying alone sucks more, people need to consciously push through that. Most of the people who get together probably didn't want to leave their houses too as well. The only thing I can think of when I go out with friends is I want to go home and rest.
I have to flake out on work parties because no matter how many times I tell people I don't drink alcohol, they always end up "forgetting" then start buying shots and other drinks. Obviously they expect me to drink it because they bought it for me. Then when I tell people I don't drink they almost get weird with me.
5:30 this can be a classic seen of a comedy movie...apart From that you have helped me a lot I have watched all your videos in order from the first one from like 5-6 years ago and I am at thus video and I am commenting for the first time.Your work has changed so many things in my life and for that I am eternally thankful
bruh, that bit you made on the first point is literally how any conversations with my mom go. it doesn't matter what you try to talk about with her, she always finds a way to make it about herself
I used to be a massive people-pleaser until I started to feel trapped by this and got resentful, then I literally began to enact a lot of these behaviours and eventually did lose most of my friends 😅 No joke, I’m actually happy with the result because now I feel like I have the freedom to develop more healthy friendships in the future
How to make your social insecurity worse 1. Have mediocre friends who are negative, pessimistic, and don't bother to include you in plans 2. Figure that it's because you're not good enough -- after all, you've contributed to your own lack of friends in the past, and you're certainly not perfect 3. Become a people-pleaser since it's your only hope of success 4. Your mediocre friends are still mediocre 5. It's your fault.... double-down on becoming a people-pleaser Narcissism and low self-worth are just two sides of the same coin. It's hard to break out of it and truly believe that there's nothing exceptional about you. People can and will let you down. People can and will come through for you.
If you have "mediocre" friends, maybe it's because you can't bring much value to "high quality" people. If YOU are positive, optimistic, and include others in plans, you will have something to offer and form better friendships with psychologically healthier people.
Learn to build strength from overcoming pressure, mainly pressure to conform. To society, to rules , to friends , to family , to life as well as death, whatever comes your way. Expose your weaknesses and pressure points rather than hide them. This process of transformation from depending on others to becoming someone people can depend on is the key to maturity and the single most valuable information I've encountered. " It's not about you hard you can hit, but how hard you can get hit and keep going " , as well as " Do not pray for an easy life but for the strength to endure a difficult one. "
@@professionalliar1524 It's easier to be pessimistic if you focus more on the bad events in your life. After all, bad events are generally more internalized than good events. It could also be depression
There are several conversation styles. It's okay if people talk about themselves, since you are your only point of reference anyways. If people constantly expect you to ask them questions, and in return, do never show any interest in you, its just the reverse from "all people hate me because im selfish" to "All people love me because im an empty page they can project themselves on.". I like conversations where people share what they know and lived through. They don't need to be asked, and honestly playing together doesn't mean to command each others next move, but to move along, and move together. The take from this video is simplistic in that regard. Lets take his grandpa example. A "my grandpa died." B "oh my grandpa is in perfect health, im so happy" The main offense here isn't that person B talked about themselves, the real issue is the unemphatic and unrelated response. Instead of mirroring grief and sharing similar experiences to connect, he simply shifted to "oh everything great in my life". That's the issue. Sure, you could ask questions like: "How are you dealing with it?" "Can I help you?" "What would you tell him if he were here right now?" But this can also be perceived as invasive. A story about your own loss can help others to feel understood, and maybe even find new ways to look at their loss in the light of possible recovery. I genuinely hate it how people try to shove their way to do things down everyone throat, and then guilt-trip them for being not like them. It's what narcissists do all the time, and its the "blissful" unawareness of their own flaws that expresses it through that. Ironically, they can verbalize it, and display understanding, but they never understand it. Would be funny if it weren't so fucked up.
Take each thing he says and step-by-step change what you do, but only work on one thing at a time. Eventually, you'll eliminate these mistakes and you'll keep your friends.
Having the skits to show real examples is crucial for this kind of topic because some people (like me) don't see themselves doing the things in the video until it's pointed out like this.
I have my own success story. Live in a town where the only thing that anyone gives a shit about is football, while you yourself absolutely cannot understand the big deal about football whatsoever. Ta-da!
@@extrashotofespresso_ I've heard people say that before. Yet when others do present an idea of doing something together, their answer is "Nah." Or if they do agree to it (because they never say "Yes" -- they just "agree to it"), they act unresponsive and disinterested the whole time. I also struggle with not having enough real friends, so I'm not doubting your experience. But I find it odd that there are so many lonely people out there, but they all say they can't find anyone. What about one another?
These negative how-tos are honestly really great because many of us have an aversion to the things said in self-improvement videos and in this case you end up doing a self audit as you’re saying “that sounds like a bad idea” and in the end it becomes positive
We all catch ourselves doing a couple of these things at times, myself included. It can be hard to change the way you act and think, even the things you do consciously. If you're like me and struggle with being an egotistical asshole at times, you can and will get better, you just have to put in the effort.
I would love if this was made into a small film, having a character like this and watching him lose everyone. Having a scene of an uncomfortable brunch would be so good.
I love how you were giving advice on how to lose friends While You were also telling us basically what not to to do to lose friends . This is an awesome helpful vid!
ive been doing this for at least a good part of my life. the reason why i steered my friends a little further away from me is that i didn't want a lot of company and having to handle with a lot of unnecessary stuff (ie drama and fiasco's) so in turn i made sure that i made people subtly steer themselves away from me. i hate having problems, so i became the problem so that i don't have problems. (i have friends i do my best to maintain a healthy relationship with, i just don't want to entertain everyone. i cant refuse them outright, as gossip travels as fast as how wide the web goes.)
Ive just suddenly left people coz of mental trauma probably. When i feel ppl are getting to close to me i just ditch em. I had a break down aswell and now i have 0 friends
Same here. I had a group of Friends that were always involved in dramas and problems, and i dont like the way they have to have fun, so i started to do what you did. I dont want problems.
Same everyone, the RU-vid algorithm is surprisingly wholesome with this sarcastic video! Long story short, I used to be part of a friend group that drinks a lot. But so much drama and infighting made me question whether I should stay. For the sake of my mental and physical health, I just quit. Probably the best decision I ever made, now I’m happy being an introvert.
How to be miserable your entire life actually resonated with me the most because I could identify things that I was actually 100% doing wrong instead of stuff that I should be doing. Just had more impact when it hit me right on the nose.
This really inspired me. I’ve been losing my fight in my life, and this motivated me to go outside today and be brave and ignore my anxieties. Thanks man
I'm introverted and don't want to make more friends, but this was a great way to highlight my biggest flaws so I can consciously work on them (complaining, being critical, and backstabbing). Thank you for making this hilarious and informative video.
It takes a big person to realize that about themselves! I’m rooting for you! I have to work on not interrupting and not making everything about myself. Sometimes we don’t realize it until we’re called out, and I love how this video is almost like a wake up call haha.
You may not be introverted because the way the world is today it's not a bad thing to stay in your own lane and be quiet. Fitting in with the crowd isn't good. You can still value companionships and other things as well.
I can't even imagine that you described what really happened to me during past few years. Lost all my friends because of exactly this behavior. Thanks for this kind of self digging, you articulate a lot of what is going on with me subconsciously. Thanks man!
I get that this is satire, and it was really well done, but I saw a lot of my past behaviors in this. I was pessimistic, couldn't take criticism, and would judge other people to friends. I am also a drug addict in recovery, and am working on a lot of these behaviors so that I can be a better person to those around me and so that I can more fully enjoy life. Wish someone taught me this when I was younger. Good video tho!
I literally ignored this video for so long cuz i have absolutely zero friends. But now that I've watched it, it kinda of helped me to figure out a lot of things that were going on in my mind, thank you so much!
Ngl, I did a lot of these, and back then I didn't realize how anti-social it was. Didn't even think I was king-shit or anything, I just had this idea that it was okay to have "true friends" other than the superficial aquintances and with those "true friends" it would be normal to just be completely honest about what I wanted to do and what I didn't care about, which was just me being egocentric. Tbh I often draw blanks talking with people and catch myself refering to myself in that unempathetic way. And I hate myself for it as I'm doing it, but I came up short at guessing what they might be thinking. Worst thing ever is I did have a phonecall with a BS excuse to miss out on a drink with 4 guys... very oof remembering that and how they clearly knew I was bullshitting my reason for staying in. So yeah... I've been way too avoidant. My world is way too "me". Will I ever truly change. The notion to stop doing things that violates your own conscience are words to live by, and something I sadly "allowed" myself to do.
You can always change! Just takes practice & mindfulness. Try to become aware of those instinctual negative reactions and and do as much as you can to stop them in their tracks before acting on them. It takes a lot of conscious thought-work and energy, but it essentially trains your brain to re-wire itself over an extended period of time. It will feel painful to go against your instincts for a bit, but the more you push through the easier it gets! It also helps not to tie your identity into these kinds of habits - you’re not being “un-true to yourself”, you’re just shaking off an old, unhelpful habit. And to take it a step further, try not to be harsh on yourself for acting the way you have up until this point - that negativity just sends you into a negative spiral. The habit of monologuing when you’re not sure what else to say, focusing on yourself and not on others, etc served a purpose for you at some point in your life. Your brain was trying to help you in conversation, or preserve your sense of self when others maybe didn’t treat you well and you weren’t sure what else to do. But obviously you are now at a point where you feel these habits aren’t helping you reach your goals anymore, so it’s time to let them go, and all of that is okay. You got this! :)
me too bro i feel you… i didn’t mean to be cocky or whatever but man i feel so bad and embarrassed now… i was generally just excited withwhat was going on in my life that i wanted to tell everyone around me! ughh here i go again
3:45 when I was in depression I was actually doing that but was mostly criticizing myself. My friends were turned off by this until one of my friends finally told me what it is. That's when I realize I have to keep my pessimism to myself.
Kinda. But when you never get friendly words is their fault, not yours for bejng depressed, they dont know how to understand a bad phase, they seem to not care so much about your feelings.. What they want? To be friends only in the good times while with money and drinking booze!? I dont need friends for that..
I've come to a realization that a pessimistic outlook is buried in ones DNA, has to be. I've tried to force myself to be more positive, to very limited results. I always default to expecting the worst out of the world. If you expect the worst outcome, anything better than that is a plus as far as I'm concerned. But yes, always best to keep that pessimism to yourself. No one wants to hear it.
@@pagodebregaeforro2803 A counter point to this is just not knowing how to respond. From my experience with a close friend they'd get depressed/upset easily and were very pessimistic. me and others would try to help with kind words and generally try to comfort them during these times but their pessimism shoots down every attempt, sometimes it even made them feel worse so I just defaulted to not saying anything at all since saying something at best would do nothing to help and at worst would hurt them more than they already are.
I’ve been a pessimist for the longest time now and I’m just now realizing. I’ve never understood why I can’t keep friendships, until now. I know my self esteem is pretty bad so I isolate myself, because being alone is comforting. All my life I was surrounded by family members who would always make me feel bad about myself and it’s affected me quite a bit now that I’m older. I’ve learned from them and now I’m like them, and they constantly ask why I’m like this? Most of the times I don’t like speaking, I feel like it’s a waste of time. Although I don’t intend to be this way I can’t help it. I often think I have autism mostly because I don’t seem to think clearly. I feel as if I’m stuck in this foggy brain all the time. And you know what, I did it again. I’m writing all these excuses just to prove I’m not a bad person even though I know I am. Or is it just my negative mindset? I don’t know.
@@Cam70868 hey it feels good to know that others relate to me. It’s been a year since I’ve written this and alot has changed, my life is so much better now that I’ve started therapy and medication. My life truly turned upside down, and I no longer seem to live in negativity. There are times where it feels as if it’s the end of the world for me but I learned to navigate my feelings and thoughts. I’ve met so many new people that I can enjoy talking to and being with, I’m even in a relationship with someone, which I would’ve never imagined. They make me want to be a better person, i wanna progress mentally, emotionally and physically. I just want you to know that it’s never too late to want to get better, it will get better for you :)
Man, some of these are scary relatable. I've been talking about myself too much without realizing it until my sister commented on it. I realized I did it because it was the easiest way to keep a conversation going, talking about how I can relate to a certain topic.
As a guy in my late 30s , all I have left is friends that I have known since Childhood. These people are like brothers to me and I can count them on one hand. We all live in different states and get to see each other maybe once a year. Which works out as marriage and kids takes up a lot of time. Honestly not sure I want to make new friends. But I am always kind and respectful to all I meet. Just build the best version of you and things will be ok.
I'm the opposite I have no friends from childhood, middle school, high school and college. Mainly because my dad would constantly move us around for no real reason, which in turn made it really hard to make new friends in school years that already had their friendship groups settled.
I have actually had too many friends for a point. Not in a healthy "I'm cool way" but in a "everyone says hi when I'm out but never invites me to anything or thinks about me." I never ever talked about myself. I wasn't doing anything with myself. In a way I was living vicariously through other people in an unhealthy way. If I had a potential romantic relationship I hyper fixated on it. I focused on helping other people than myself. I cut my friend group down intentionally to less than 20 people. I'm so much happier and I have relationships that count.
I respect everything you wrote and the decisions you made, even if it seems tough at 1st. The reality is the older you get the more difficult it is to keep up relationships with more than a handful of friends. I recently found it best to cut one of my closest friends off because I realized he was very immature and had Sociopathic behavior, and at 42 years old...nope. I'm done. Good luck to you, and I agree keep the 'relationships that count', the ones that mean everything to you
This may just get shouted into the void, but for whatever it's worth, I'm 31 and can tell you with absolute certainty that there are people who never figure out how to be good friends. I currently have a group who all live literally steps from me in my apartment building that I've known for years and don't respond to my text messages in our group chat. I also had a friend of 14+ years who is the physical embodiment of 8/10 things on this list. That's a huge drain and not worth your time either. My point is that life's a process and lots of people don't ever figure it out, so don't be too hard on yourself. The fact that you (and anyone else who is reading this) is conscious of being a good friend and is trying means you'll eventually meet good people. The most important thing is to not quit trying. The world doesn't need more jerks.
How to lose all of your friends in life: 1. Talk almost exclusively about yourself 2. Talk about other people (in the most negative light possible) 3. Be useless. Never extend your hand to help another person. 4. Be a pessimist. 5. Be close minded. Assume you are always right and everyone else is wrong. 6. Develop a large ego. 7. ? 8. Don't take criticism. 9. Be flaky 10. Never assume initiative. Always wait around for other people to come up with things to invite you to. Never have your own ideas.
Extend your hand to help and one day feel like you're being used. So much for being useful without it ever being reciprocated. I know how to help. Since I was a child I helped my deaf parents translate, went out and helped my friends as well. Left exhausted and alone and realized that nobody ever looked after me, even my own parents. Recipe to resent people and never wanting to help.
Honestly, this video felt as if someone just threw me a bucket full of ice-cold water. The fact that I know I have some of these traits (especially being pessimistic but calling myself a "realist") and they're reflected in the way I interact with people is sad, however, I'm thankful I came across this video, it really put me on my place and definitely will make me reflect and think about how do I really behave around others.
It’s actually very important to learn to be alone. Your current life may require a complete turnaround, and sometimes it means losing all your friends. It’s really important to be 100% honest with yourself. ✌️
you have a good point. I kicked my ex out of the house many years ago and I learned to enjoy my independence and being alone. I still actually prefer that because I've conditioned myself to it. Balance is important though, have a choice amount of family/friends that I share my time with when I'm not at home. Life situations can be sudden though, deaths, illness, etc. one must be prepared
I can relate to it. It took me a lifetime to realize that friends do not want 'truth' (my well researched truth, lol) they just want somebody to make them feel better.
Number 10 is probably my biggest weakness when it comes to trying to keep friends. I’ve lost so many if not all of mine because of my poor communication and lack of initiative. It’s a shame because the people I’ve encountered over the years I love them deeply and still think about them and the conversations we had to this day.
I just don’t understand. If you have friends you enjoy being with, then you want to see them right? What’s the thing that keeps you from taking initiative? I’m just curious as I really like to take initiative to meet up with friends.
this actually helped with telling me what not to do, i can be self centered at times when i feel successful so this is a good slap into reality. thank you
I know a guy like this, and yes he has no friends but he doesn't need friends or so he says. He has an answer for everything and will not engage in dialogue, he says everything with confidence and when you do expose flaws in his views he will move the goalposts or say he was just joking. Needless to say if circumstances didn't bring us together at work, I wouldn't talk to him either.
sounds like a friend I used to have. Hung out with him for almost 20 years until I couldn't take it any longer and had the 'Friend Breakup' scenario a year ago. Never looked back my life is better and less abrasive without him. His parents are fantastic people that he has taken advantage of for over 40 years, and on top of that they adopted him from a 3rd World Country. So there is a level of entitlement that he embraced along the way because he's been spoiled by them. He is a Sociopath and would constantly take advantage of friends and family financially. He would also move the goalposts as your friend did, shed any blame and never own up to his mistakes...there were too many for me to count. The world would be better off without him. It's almost like a walking Virus, the worst of humanity within him. If I were you I'd stay away from that guy you're referring to. that's bad news and people don't change, remember that.
I remember I had this friend (we ain’t friends anymore😹), and when he would tell me his problems, I would listen, empathize, and if he sounded like he needed it, I would give him advice (not that he ever took it). The few times I opened up to him, guess how he responded? “It sounds like a you problem” or he would literally say “You’re boring me” or straight up ignore me. I started to notice more and more toxic signs about him and stuck around bc he would have random kind moments sprinkled in and he was going thru a rough time. I think the biggest red flag was when I saw how negatively he treated his so-called best friend from high school and he would always hide in the corner playing on his phone when he would meet up with his other friends. When I would hangout with both him and his best friend, she would end up opening up to me more bc I showed that I cared. I left the guy after I’d had enough and I think she distanced himself from him too, and tbh it’s probably for the best. Who knows, maybe the guy was depressed and that really sucks, but I’m not a therapist or his family and I can’t read his mind :/
Wow, I literally feel like I know who you’re talking about. A guy I know is the same way, lol. Robotics in high school. Also, I had a friend, and she wouldn’t let me talk about my problems because each one she found triggering (meanwhile, she would tell me she would end her life… I would be rude if I said I found that triggering). She eventually said rude things about me, I didn’t think I was being rude, though I know sometimes over text things can appear that way. She probably said rude things behind my back too, that’s typical of her. During our conversations she would talk about how bad her ex-friends were. I just got tired of her. Life is about growing, and she wanted me to be a perfect person (in her eyes). I love debate, that’s my favorite thing do, and she used that against me (if I recall correctly, she never said she didn’t want to debate with me). Mind you, while she was insulting me, I never insulted her once. What I learned from her is that I should not have done things she wanted if she wasn’t willing to do those things in return. I hated talking to her about how she wanted to end her life. I hated talking to her in general. But I did it and didn’t show that. And then when I want to do something I want, nope. After she said rude things about me, I just cancelled my phone service bc she was the only reason I still had it and I wanted to save money. Money isn’t tight, I just like money. I realize now that friendships are just not worth it. They end one way or another. Like this, or through one person dying. Plus I have severe social anxiety, so talking is an issue (though I take meds for it).
@@drews7192 good choice on cutting her off sorry you had such an ass of a "friend" but when your thinking of friendships don't just think of how it'll end, think more so of "if you enjoy being with that person", death is inevitable for everyone and every living thing but you shouldn't let that stop you from making some awesome memories and enjoying yourself possibly with people you wouldn't have considered being friends with when you first meet. you just got to find people who you vibe with also social anxiety sucks I don't know how bad it is for you but if you do have someone you honestly feel 100% comfortable it can help having them around sometimes in social settings.
I have been like that friend too, and I'm aware of the behavior now. I have never received proper emotional support from my parents so comforting people was never my thing, and I would make people more upset about it if I tried to. Even though I cared, I didn't know how to show it, or I would say nothing and freeze, or I would start downplaying those issues. I'm observing my friends on how to become better at it and re-parent myself so I won't do the same mistake again. This video was an eye-opener
3:24 is actually needed in art, I am a photographer and I’ll love to hear people say what they don’t like than they like. Because that will make me better.
For real, though, he's explaining my exact strategies I used after I had a friend betray me. I lost trust in friendships and ended up pushing all my friends away. This is what people do when they've experienced trauma involving friendship. Don't do these things!
This is a video I’ve been procrastinating to watch because I was afraid of being called out on my bad habits that push people away. But I loved this video so much 😂 the sarcasm throughout really helped me accept the constructive criticism. I really appreciate your work!
Not a Christian but “As iron sharpens iron so one person does another” is real. Mindfulness of your company is important to know what sort of tool you will become. “Plunged in salt water long enough even the sharpest steel will eventually rust” said Sun Tzu.
Thank you for this video. It's humbling to recognise some of these traits within myself that have held me down in the past. You've presented a strong and impactful message, I hope many like myself will be able to develop from it as a result, irrespective of how uncomfortable it may be.
I have been asking myself why I have always struggled to keep friends. I just transferred to a huge university and am really seeing my issues making friends. This video came at a perfect time. It hit hard, but I needed it. Thanks, Joey
The loss of friends is inevitable, be it due to a change in life circumstances, distance, or simply the passage of time tied to mortality. A lot of friendships end up being situational as well (i.e. school, work, clubs, etc.) which is not a bad thing per se. Once the environment changes, the friendships often but not always go along with it. I try to keep in mind that friendships are meant to be enjoyed while they last, as nothing lasts forever and everything must end someday. Just enjoy the time that you've spent together, the good memories, and such. And when you meet new people later in life and you click, give it a chance. Cheers.
This is actually very useful for me as I need to focus on myself and work on improving myself rather than hanging out with friends. Over the course of time I've made many good friends using the same formulas which he shows in the video but rn they just keeps asking me hangout with them talk to them and stuff but I got plan of my own. another tip i'll add is to disable your social media account. Ignore calls and say you were doing something and if they come over pretend to sleep.
The thing is this video may be used ironically but I really wanted this. I have been the nice guy all over the years, always helping everyone without any other thoughts and always saying what the other person wants to hear. That's the reason I got so many "so-called friends" cause I'm always someone they thought they could rely on easily. But the vice versa was never true, I was always alone never been able to rely on anyone and now those friends are just wasting my time a lot and are not letting me to focus on my goals. Also they change friends according to their interests. I was included in some groups but they started hating me, so I just needed this video to cut off all those mfing bitches and get them out of my life.
This was me for a long while. I was incredibly depressed, life wasn't letting up with the blows. The mistake I made was not leaning on my friends for support. Instead I became withdrawn and nasty. I got lucky that I cultivated a group of the kindest people, so I didn't lose any, but I wouldn't have blamed them if they left.
Yesterday I posted a mean comment here about this video and the channel. I've come to say I'm sorry for spreading that negativity and glad it got deleted or moderated or whatever. This video skillfully, playfully and cheekily points out the ways in which I, recognisably, and everyone else, presumably, bullshit ourselves and other people. Thank you Joey. You are so clearly talented, thoughtful and earnest. The people in your life are lucky to have you and we're lucky to receive your efforts. Keep doing you bro.
*“You’ll watch an entire Netflix series even when the first episodes are slow just because someone told you that ‘it gets better’, but what if you looked at your goals like that and watched your life get better instead?”* Love from a small RU-vidr💙
thanx for this video Joey. I have noticed my dad losing his friends over the years and basically getting nowhere and getting stuck in life. His divorce with my mom a couple years ago have only made things worse. I wanna talk to him about this but its a really hard thing for me to do, cause i dont wanna offend him but on the other hand i do feel he really needs to hear the truth, even if it may be hard to hear. im preparing the talk i wanna have with him about this right now and your video is helping me to hit the right tone for certain points. Thanks for that, you're videos are great in general, not only this one!
I absolutely, ABSOLUTELY love your editing style Joey. The slow zooms in and out, the dramatic crawl of the piano, the edited audio to emphasize words 😂
If you think these steps are hard to complete, I would like to offer an alternative way of losing all your friends! 1. Never talk. Just barely talk. Whenever someone wants to talk to you, either ignore them or respond in short, vague responses. This makes you seem boring and so repels people. 2. Be uninteresting. Act very bored to other people, and whatever you say don’t put emotion into it. Just make yourself as uninteresting as possible, so no one wants to look at you. 3. Ghost people; ghosting people is an effective way of losing all your friends. It’s short, simple, and quick.
I stopped flaking and just started saying no due to depression. My ADHD also makes things over stimulating so I often find being alone relaxing. I have family that I see at holiday events who always care enough to check on me and vice versa. I also have “friends” but things are definitely strained now that I’m not my manic partying self. Tried explaining things to them at recent hangouts but I often get met with “you’ve changed” and “ok old lady”. All responses loaded with feelings of disappointment that I’d rather not deal with. Friends are cool but if you are alone because you are healing or trying to figure it out that’s ok too.
really well said. I felt triggered and it was challenging listening to it because I could feel a lot of those traits I had myself, and that also explains why i have so few friends left. But on the bright side, change is possible. Change for the better. Thank you for sending this message!
Intentionality is so crucial, as well as being willing to give more than you receive without “measuring” or counting. True friends are priceless, and even if the friendship can feel hard at times, it’s almost always worth it.
Ex. "Eating healthy is crucial if you want to feel good." = "Eating healthy is important if you want to feel good." I guess more accurately it means "very important", but even switching it out with important should make sense in most situations.
A friend is always a "true" friend There is not such as things like good or bad friends. A friend is always good and true and if it's not, it's not a friend at all
This really gives a new perspective on two of my friends that lost most of their friends a few years ago. They exercised most of these characteristics, and then complained that all their friends were fading away. I do feel sorry for them for not even realizing what they were doing.
I’ve always been nice to people as much as possible growing up all I got in return was being taken advantage of people just keep asking for more constantly and it made me fed up with everything. After I started saying no to people and have a general rule for myself help those people who are unable to help themselves and always expect some kind of kindness in return. Either favor returned or respect earned. I push people away who step out of that line. It rewarded me with genuine people who actually care about me. Having respect and saying no at the right time matters for example. I have this coworker which I try to have a conversation with but only get simple responses. One day they asked me to do their slight work for them. It wasn’t much might have created slight inconvenience but I still said no. Why cause the respect I was giving them was not being recognized and all of sudden this huge favor. I’m not a person who shy’s away from helping others, but I will always need something in return no matter what.
You NAILED the design conversation at 6:14. I've literally had this conversation with a client before, and it always goes exactly as it did in this video lol
*Another tip:* Give unsolicited advices about EVERY thing, even if you know little to nothing, or you just started leaning 2 mins ago, you still know better than anyone else. You're the ultimate source of knowledge of all time and even someone with experience could use your advices despite not having asked for it. Edit: (Honestly that was one of the most annoying classmate I had, she kept doing that on top everything else in the video)
Had a friend like this. Refused to get a job, bummed his existence off of a friend, too afraid to make a move creatively even though he had nothing to lose and nothing better to do, but always gave me unsolicited advice on what I should be doing with my time without ever acknowledging that I already make a living wage *and* publish and sell my art all while making time for the people that matter in my life as well. He was a good archetype of what to never do.
