What I liked most about this talk is that you suggested we do not cut these people out of our lives Most of our friends have moments of negativity and they need us to be there for them. Cutting people out of our lives is not a very good long-term plan
I have clearly learned from you lol. I have been able to listen and allow others to be where they are without taking that on. Sometimes, I have even been able to Shift the energy a bit too. I do try to give the other person time to get some stuff out though because I don't want to shut them down. However, it also isn't healthy to dwell on either. I was once in the negative space and you are right. Often times we are just looking to be heard. Often times they were ignored and didn't have a voice in their past. It's not healthy or good for us or them to try to fix it for them.
I have a friend who is always negative unless she is getting what she wants in any situation. I no longer try to help her see differently as I have found she WANTS to be negative, calling it "being realistic." So, when tying to change the focus of the conversation doesn't work and I'm drained, I just limit contact. Boundaries have helped greatly!!
I remember you did another video on this. Not mentioned here is managing our expectations of people and not be surprised if the person you expect to be negative is being negative. I have a dad who is negative and mostly talks trash. I believe it stems from his insecurities and the need to bring himself up by putting people down. I like to start by listening and ask him what solutions he want to take.
Thank you so much for this great share! For some reason both of my parents are mega mad negative and rigid. It feels like low grade depression and a total lack of taking responsibility for their behavior! I recognized this pattern as a very very young child. They have a privileged life, but if you just met them and listened to their narratives you would think they are destitute! It is painful hearing their orchestrations (lies) and I really try to only interact with them with other people present.
@@juliakristinamah actually I misunderstood. I was looking for the topic ' how to not be affected when you like them and they don't. Or when you like them and they like someone else in front of you. And there's no option to just avoid them. You see them everyday. ' But your video was helpful too. I always exhaust myself thinking as they are venting, it's my duty to respond, to help them with suggestions, to solve their problems and stuff. And when it doesn't work and it doesn't work for 90% of the time, I get exhausted and they too. So I'll just stop. I'll try listening for a while.
I have a friend like this and it's really draining! I ended up saying to her to stop being so negative and she improved for a while. Now she is back to doing it again. I find her very self obsorbed to be honest so I will try your strategies.
I have somebody in my life who gets offended when I don't respond two all of her negative commentary. She interprets it that I don't care. But what I care most about is the fact that she is always looking at life through a negative lens.
Came across your discussions here on RU-vid a short while ago and I'm really, really, appreciating them. I love the intense and passionate way that you communicate, the relevance of your topics, and just how authentic you are. I'm definitely going to look into your courses. Thank you so much. DP
Hi julia. From Burnaby BC Canada. You videos really help. Yes need to work on just listening. Just tell them. I hear you. I understand. I have always done the opposite by advice or suggestions which is invalidating. 😢
My thoughts and notes on Julia’s RU-vid video (08/29/24): How to Not Be Affected by Negative People My Take-away: There is one family member that can be a negative person. After watching this video, it does help me want to be more curious about this person’s life experience. I understand that this person does have physical pain. Of course, the loss of my dad and grandparents also elevates this’ person’s negativity. No judgement here, but it can be hard to keep hearing all the negativity and this person likes to blame others and not take responsibility for their own thoughts and actions. Like everyone is against them. I think the method of shifting focus and/or change topic is a good tip! I might try and implement that idea. My Notes: Why people tend to be negative: * When we understand why people are negative, we can have a deeper understanding, less judgmental and compassion. * They may have gone through difficult things in their lives (trauma, difficult transition, childhood situations or recent ones) * They may have a mental health issue (Anxiety, depression or other mental issues.) * They could have physical health issues. * People may have just grown up in a negative home environment. What we can do about it: * Learn how to just listen. (Without taking it on or feel responsible to fix it.) * Understand what they are going through and coming from and being curious. (What's that like for you? What's been going on with that? Tell me more about this. When did this start? What have you tried to deal with this?) * Ask them questions for solutions (Get curious about what they're dealing with and what they've tried.) Not taking it on but guiding them to help create their own solutions. * Just shift the focus or change the topic of the conversation. (Tell me something that is going well in your life. What was something you were happy about today? I remember you were really excited about this thing; how did it go?) Shift the energy to good, successful and positive things. * Depending on the relationship, have an honest conversation. * Put up boundaries (Be in charge of what energy you want around you) * Work on co-dependence
I'd say the bubble idea is great when you really have to deal with an entrenched negative attitude. Takes a lot of energy so I'd say a tip is reward myself afterwards and thank myself for staying strong!
Hi Julia. Thanks for another great video. It’s possible to do a video of the opposite- so if you are negative, how to stop it ruining your life! Like complaining behind sad and move on quickly from negative emotions/ situations?
Always enjoy your videos! Very good advice and encouragement I want to hear. So practical! Long time viewer here. I have learned so much and it helps me build the kind of thoughts and life I want. No stranger to negative thoughts, my own and others. We have all had hurts that tempt us to think negative. We all can use help us process those thoughts or discard them altogether!!
As a people pleaser its very difficult being around people who are negative all of the time. Especially living with a person like that. It was helpful hearing why people might behave that way. But I will say, if they live in your home it's difficult to do active listening all of the time. Also, it seems like people have gotten less joyful in general.
I've "heard" and "acknowledged" the endless complaints of my friend It's clear to me she's not interested in finding solutions for herself yet she expects me to listen year after year When I need to talk about MY problems she doesn't ask questions and gives the silent treatment then changes the subject I pointed this out to her and I haven't heard from her since That was two months ago and we used to talk daily... So she can shut me down but its not ok for me to point out she's being negative for 10 years about her job and marriage....?
when you know how to deal with your energy and how to deal with smart words you wouldn't care about how others behave, even the partner, being too tough with life i learnt few lessons.... 1. Not to be too tough with self... learning how to rearrange my own talk smartly which will make others rethink how to talk back to me.. this will make me a brand new person 2. being clear with what our needs are and just drawing a line and letting people know this is my boundary and just being in the boundary even if they hurt us, never taking it to heart its unimportant what others think about us.. how does it matter? their thought opinion should never be my problem similarly my opinion thought is mine it shouldn't matter to them as well 3. Negativity is a choice: once you entertain or let them in or around it will continue, once you know how to cut them or just draw a line or walk off and tell your own thoughts darling i need peace externally there is disturbance let me not think what I don't like.. trust me guys u will have the best peaceful space inside your mind .. peace
It's self-evident overly negative people have personal problems. Unfortunately, when you're dealing with someone lacking that much empathy, they're usually not interested in self-awareness or acknowledging your experience. I always try to keep my composure, and call a duck a duck - tell them "You're being extremely negative, and I don't want that poison in my life." Then enforce my boundaries but negative people are often abusive bullies whenever their behavior is highlighted.
Yes and no. There are some like this, but I wouldn't say it's the majority. I think most people want love and belonging, but are stuck in a cycle of negativity for a variety of reasons, and do want to change it.
Certainly that is the idea never allowing someone else to get in your head to bring you down because that's what happens when someone brings you down you allowed them to get into your head feel good control of your own thinking and put it to work for you create within side of your own thoughts and have a great life this is where you created from thoughts
Often negative people dont know they're negative and that they can bring others down. Challenge is deciding whether they need your help, or you should run no matter what. Any tips of making the decision?
I had to give up my job because of this. being around these people also affects your emotions and makes you feel just like one of them. don't bring your personal problems to the workplace to make other people feel miserable just like you.
It takes a lot of humility it destroys your self esteem and creates fear. Then you have this committee that lives in your head it’s like having an Angel on your right shoulder and the devil on your left .
One thing suress that we cannot affected by negative people is with always remember to God because life it just a testing that will taking you between heaven or hell after this life...i just remind you all that end of time is near prepared with do charity to your goodness in eternal life...
I’ve been the one called “Mister Negative.” Sometimes people just need to vent. It’s very invalidating when people who have had extraordinary luck and breeze through life just say “just let it go” or some simple minded thing like that. The truth is that people don’t want to hear you vent because it makes them uncomfortable. If people weren’t such lazy, self-centered idiots and actually behaved properly this would not be a problem. Years ago I actually found a magazine article that claimed that the people who were the chronic complainers were the people usually doing all the work.
@@juliakristinamahyou are strong. Fierce. Smart. I love your videos and they are so helpful and I love the black and white. ❤😂 Oh and you are like God blessed u with good looks. Sucks to be u.😂 But for real your invaluable tools help everyone be better people. Thanks Julia! I definitely struggle with anxiety and negative but you have helped it immensely and I am so grateful.
I believe that offering unsolicited advice may be a narcissistic behavior stemming from a subtle desire to control others. Recognizing this can help us avoid attributing negative intentions solely to others. Thank you!
I’ve heard you talked about this subject in the past. since then I’ve been listening to people and then asking them what have they tried so far? And I like to end it with tell me something good? Thx
Going to be homeless in 1 month. I think if you're looking for a job and applying to about 50 jobs a week. I think that would give you cause to be negative if you think you're going to lose your housing.And I don't see anybody helping me, it's not like I see a wife here paying my rent for me. Look, I want to work, but nobody is hiring me
What if you can't find a office job on a california town thst is 80% Hispanic, & I'm white. And I shouldn't have to speak Spanish just to get a basic office job when I have a master's in business administration. And I'm just looking to transition from customer service into accounts. Payable and accounts receivable and I feel that I am super negative and I feel like I look through the lens. A gray blue gray gray and i'm super depressed and I do not see how i'm going to find a way to get employed so I could pay my rent come Oct 2 2024
You will get benefits if I work on your RU-vid channel. 1. You will get a good earning per video. 2. Your RU-vid channel will grow. 3. Your RU-vid channel will rank on Google and RU-vid. 4. Your videos will likely go viral. 5. You will get some more benefits. Tushar Sarkar Thank you
