How to Overcome Infidelity | Jimmy Evans 

Omg this speaks volumes to me. Walking through adultery and in the midst of divorce from my husband. I needed to hear this. He says he is sorry but I don't think he really means it. Thank you pastor Jimmy. Please pray for my healing and for me to move on. I love my husband but I am tired of being hurt.

Repentance vs. "Sorry" is so accurate. If someone is cornered and caught, they usually still try to deny and only when confronted with irrefutable proof do they admit anything - the bare minimum. They think the more they tell you, the more trouble they will be in and the more they will have to deal with your anger/upset/tears. This type of person is usually a coward, and their greatest fear is your reaction so they try to control it. A truly repentant person will give you the freedom to react, I think because they've already faced the worst reaction when they went before their heavenly Father and had their heart broken over their sin. I think too it's only from that place that an adulterer can realize the fear of losing their spouse. The "sorry" guys I've known actually wanted to be free from their spouse, but have her be the one to walk away. Anyway Jimmy, thank you for this. So so insightful and validating for healing hearts.

Can you please pray for my marriage to be restored. I am guilty of cheating on my beautiful wife 3x over a 10 year span and have since given over my life to the Lord. She is a Godly woman but decided to separate and wants me to get right with God while she takes her time to heal. She is feeling like the marriage is over but is not in a rush to make any decision. I am in Christian counseling and meeting with new mentors on a weekly basis and am in complete surrender to the Lord now. I am praying for His perfect will, but I am also praying for His will to be to restore my marriage. I do not know if that is the right thing to do but I am doing it until God says no. Please keep us in your prayers and our 3 beautiful daughters. TY! God Bless

Infidelity is such a bad thing to have in any relationship. My advice will be for anyone having such thought to fully understand that it will always inhibit one giving his or her best in any relationship. So the best thing to do when infidelity issues arises is to find out for sure. I used to have allot of doubt about my partner and had to find out for sure. It was heart breaking what I found out but the best thing to do to keep my already troubled mind at peace. Thanks to the help I got which enable me to find out everything and see things for myself. I was really happy I did take the step and now my heart is peaceful after everything.

Repent actually means to turn from your old wicked ways

This is very helpful advice especially the sorry versus repentant spouse and the need for community because a person in this situation feels alone and like they have failed

This is so good and the absolute truth!!!!

Thanks for sharing this information. I hope our churches we teach these important truths.

You do not want the details of the affair. Trust me. It is something you will never forget. Protect yourself and realize that all the details don't make you feel better or make it go away it just makes you go over it more and more

Helpful insights. Thank you Welldone

Confessing every dirty detail shows true repentance by putting it in the light.... no more hiding no more secrets keeping to yourself. Showing the true horror of your betrayal then you know what your dealing with what demons are at play how to attack the root of the problem. Showing a true commitment to complete trust and openness and healing from the trauma toghether

Amen!! Great advice even for other relational situations outside of adultery

Trust me, you do not want the details. They are something you will never forget. The details don't matter, it's about the betrayal.

I believe am at that last stage need to emotionally heal cause something happen in my soul recently where i just shut down an usually i wouldn't went to sleep but i did an i was peaceful I had honestly just let go in my heart an my mind an soul #like God saying i called you so you come here

Hello Jimmy, could you discuss the opposite side of this when the fallen spouse is repentant but then the other spouse refuses to forgive them for years? I’ve done everything I can towards reconciliation, and the mistake I made was even 2 years before we got married while we will we’re still dating, around 5-6 years ago, but every time we get in an argument she constantly degrades me and brings that up every time and uses it for means of justifying her financial and emotional abuse towards me

Thank you for this.. whats the name of book again

I've been repentant and my wife doesn't want to work on the marriage. I committed spiritual adultery. Looking at women. And being flirtatious. She wants divorce. Please pray for restoration

There’s nothing you can do with someone who is unrepentant, especially people who know the Bible, know God, lived His way of life for years, then choose to willfully sin. There’s nothing anyone can do. Unrepentant sin is the worst thing in existence. In fact permanent, unrepentant sin is the unpardonable sin. God cannot and will not forgive sin which is not repented of. Even God is put into an impossible situation there, and there will be what the Bible calls the incorrigibly wicked who are thrown into the lake of fire and burned up. Nothing even God can do with them. In the totality of human history, that number will probably, and hopefully be relatively small. Sin is death. The more sin I see and have experienced around me the more I absolutely hate it. We need God’s Kingdom!

Love this vídeo

I will admit that i had an emotional affair that led to a physical affair. it was about 2.5 months of emotional and the last few weeks it had led to a one time ordeal where i had sex with another woman. After i came clean about what i did i gave my wife the details like she asked. we are currently separated. I repented and took full responsibility for what i did but she already made up her mind that its over. Am i doing something wrong? I want to save my marriage.

Is it biblical to divorce on emotional infidelity? My husband had 3. He's sorry, not repentant. I don't want to disobey God and want to do the right thing.

3:06

Does do anything to repair mean taking abuse constantly from the other spouse, verbal physical all kinds

I would not go alone with this

If you are dealing with unrepentant spouse , long term or serial cheating, get to a safe place in my life, where I can deal with my own issues, don' try to deal with it without the support you need, do not try to deal with alone, You can not stay with someone who is not repentant. To be repentant is to be willing to do what it takes to resolve the conflict in the marriage. I this probably applies to abuse and abandonment as well. If they continue to resist making the marriage work, and do not do what needs to happen.

The profound narrative of this content is a wellspring of wisdom. A similar book I read imparted invaluable knowledge. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint

My ex-husband of 37 years cheated on me when I was 23 and not long after having my second baby. because he said I was fat and ugly. I believed him for those years. then I had I am sorry but it didn't happen. well, it was just a kiss. then a fondal. . then and so on.

I need prayer so bad. It’s been a year and a half and I still am so hurt I physically feel my heart hurt. I’m scared because I can feel myself growing in resentment and I don’t want to. With all my heart when I say I forgive her I mean it, but afterwards I have to second guess if I really do. I don’t enjoy being around her or talking with her, we have had sex 4 times in the last 6 months and in my opinion that was 3 times too many, even in marriage counseling I just feel like I want to explode when we dive into the issue. Please help me I’m so so weak. The sadness is so strong I get goosebumps and it’s hard to take care of myself like showering and brushing my teeth. We both go to individual counseling and marriage counseling, and while I feel my person session go very well, I feel our marriage session does not. I feel like she is so embarrassed that she isn’t being completely honest. I feel like she’s hiding more and more details and I just don’t trust her. I don’t want to divorce, especially because I have a son almost here, but I can’t live like this much longer. Father please be with Your son. I need You so bad

My husband had an affair and is not repentant. So what am I to do? He says hes been unhappy in our marriage for "3 years"

Is there any resources that you can offer to heal someone who has been wounded by an affair and the unrepentant spouse is now seeking a divorce?

What about emotional cheating that lasted about three months? How do you heal from that?

Does that mean you file for a divorce if they’re unrepentant. My wife blatantly lies and denies she is when I ask her but then I go through her phone they having phone sex and sexting sending naked pictures.

That’s what I noticed: she refused to give me details, and she sounded very not repented

No, I highly doubt my girl would tell me everything she is terrified of doing that

I have spent months investigating saving your partnership and discovered a great website at Mirykal Marriage Plan (look it up on google)

Never stay with an adulterer or adulteress. It is so damaging to the victim and the pain and suffering never goes away.

is not being able to get a girlfriend or any woman for that matter considered a sin?

Did Jesus really say adultery breaks a covenant? 🔵 THE EXCEPTION CLAUSE The references in Matthew 5:31,32 and Matthew 19:1-9, when read in the NIV Bible and many other new versions, state that marital unfaithfulness/sexual immorality is Biblical grounds for divorce. This is deduced from the clause in the King James and other older versions, where the wording read “except it be for fornication”. The NIV translators considered this to be equivalent to “marital unfaithfulness/sexual immorality”, which is not an accurate translation of the original Greek text. The Greek word Porneia means fornication (i.e. pre-marital sexual relationships) in context to the Matthean exception clause. The Biblical Hebrew Custom of Betrothal Engagement : When Culturally understood this phrase “except it be for fornication”, refers to the Hebrew custom of courtship/engagement before marriage and allows for breaking the “engagement” in the event of fornication (i.e. pre-marital sexual relationships). This is the position that Joseph and Mary found themselves in, as recorded in Matthew 1:18-20. Joseph was espoused (or engaged) to Mary and before they came together in marriage, she was found to be pregnant. Joseph thus contemplated exercising his legal rights to put his wife away by giving her a bill of divorcement officially ending the engagement. In the Hebrew custom, she was considered to be his wife during the time of the binding espousal period, even though they had not officially come together in the covenant of marriage. The exception clause is only found in Matthew’s gospel, as this has been proven by many Scholars historically that it was written primarily to Jewish believers, and is regarded as the Kingdom Gospel. Mark 10:10-12 and Luke 16:18 address the subject of divorce and re-marriage, but do not include the exception clause. The reason for this is that both Mark and Luke were written with a more Gentile readership in mind than Matthew’s gospel. In the ancient Greek/Gentile and Modern western cultures we do not adhere to the 9 month or more bind espousal period and thus, the gospels of Mark and Luke naturally omit the exception clause, as it is irrelevant/non essential. Further Biblical Explanation about Betrothal/Espousal Betrothal/Espousal -Divorce of a betrothed wife. Betrothal/Engagement among the Jews in Biblical times took place from anywhere up to 9 months to 2 years or more before the marriage proper took place. A man would make a agreement and contract between himself and the father of a virgin woman to pay a bride price/dowry of virgins that he would return to marry her. In that culture, a woman who was betrothed/espoused was given the title and regarded as the man’s wife, and he as her husband, though they had not yet had the marital ceremony nor sexually consummated the marriage. The bride being in all respects bound as a wife, could then only be freed by death or divorce, under the same divorce laws as the married woman. Three Rabbinical Schools of thought of the rabbis during the time of Jesus, shed some light on the divorce issue concerning the grounds for divorce. To correctly understand Jesus’ response to the Pharisees in Matthew 19, we need to understand the broader context and what positions the Jews had on divorce and remarriage in Jesus’ day. The Pharisees were testing Jesus to see which rabbinical school of thought Jesus would side with. The Roman society around them allowed divorce for any reason. In the Oral Torah, which the Jews in Jesus’ day held equal to the Old Testament Scriptures, is found three explanations (schools of thought) of what Moses meant as grounds for divorce. Usually it is stated that there were two schools of thought in Jesus’ day, but when researched in the Mishnah (The Oral Torah), there were three schools of thought. The third school of thought was “no fault” divorce - Rabbi Akiba The positions of the following three rabbis are found in the Mishnah, Gittin p. 90a, 90b: 1. Rabbi Shammai restricted divorce to causes of adultery - causative, but a liberalization of the Mosaic Law. Following Deuteronomy 24:1-4, this school believed that finding some uncleanness in her though it is unclear to this day what this uncleanness actually is, may have implied in Hebrew to DABAR ERWAT (incest) Deut. 24:1 Torah erwat, or doubtful erwat (if the relationship is not clear, then he may divorce her) Erwat occurs 54 times of which 31 times it refers to incest, or something that greatly displeased him that gave the right to give the wife a writing of divorcement and put her away. 2. Rabbi Hillel allowed divorce for almost any grievance no matter how trivial. For instance, if a wife was found speaking to another man in the street or if she burnt the food, forgot to salt it, or if he happened to find another woman more beautiful than her, he could give her writing of divorcement and put her away. 3. Rabbi Akiba - even if he finds another woman more beautiful than she is. (No fault divorce) The Pharisees were questioning Jesus to see which explanation Jesus would side with. They asked Jesus if divorce was lawful for “any reason”. The disciple’s response clearly indicates that in Jesus’ response He did not side with any of the rabbis’ explanations in the Oral Torah. Jesus’ exception for divorce was much narrower than “marital unfaithfulness” (NIV). The response of the disciples tells us that Jesus’ response to the Pharisees did not support any of the schools of thought in the Oral Torah. “His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.” Matt. 19:10. Jesus’ response to the Pharisees also tells us that He did not side with any of the Rabbis interpretations of Deuteronomy 24:1-4 in the Oral Torah. He said that the permission allowing divorce and remarriage had never been God’s will. “From the beginning it was not so.” God Hates Divorce. Because marriage is a binding covenant, entered into by two individuals (male and female), which can only be terminated by death, God says that He hates divorce. Hear also what he says in Malachi about the marriage covenant and the mystery of becoming one flesh: “… the Lord is acting as the witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her, though she is your partner, the wife of your marriage covenant. Has not the Lord made them one? In flesh and spirit they are his. And why one? Because he was seeking godly offspring. So guard yourself in your spirit, and do not break faith with the wife of your youth. “I hate divorce,” says the Lord God of Israel….” Malachi 2: 14-16. There's the supernatural, instantaneous God-joining/yoking of Matt. 19:6, and Mark 10:9 [Greek Word : SYNEZEUXEN] that takes place that the Apostle Paul calls a "great mystery" in Ephesians 5:31 that is UNBREAKABLE and there's the carnal man-joining of everything else described in 1 Cor. 6:16. God never joins/yokes [SYNEZEUXEN] anyone for any reason to more than one living covenant spouse at a time, and only death unjoins what He has joined/yoked together. Period [Matthew 19:4-6 Mark 10:6-9 1 Corinthians 7:39 Romans 7:2,3] The Lord Jesus Himself was accused of being born of Fornication/Porniea;Porne in John 8:41, and why Joseph sought to put Mary away secretly in Matthew 1:18-25. In Mark 6:3 Jesus is called Jesus the "son of Mary" and not Joseph which was another slight at Him for what they had believed that He had been born out of fornication(Greek word Porniea;Porne/Hebrew word Zanah (pre-marital sex) not Adultery (Greek word Moicheia/Hebrew word Na'aph post-marital sex) When men in Hebrew/Jewish tradition usually always carried their fathers last name. Hence for instance Simon Peter and Andrew sons of Bar-Jonah, James and John sons of Zebedee, Judas (son of) Iscariot, etc., Jesus speaking to the Pharisees says : “You do the deeds of your father.” Then they said to Him, “We were not born of >>FORNICATION>the Son of Mary,>So they were offended at Him.”

Marriages dont heal after an affair. Sorry. And please dont ever try to play the good samaritan trying to heal a cheater, it wont work, and your heart will be shattered into pieces again. Have dignity, and move on. Cheaters arent worth putting your heart on the line again. Stay away. You are valuable.

I was the cheater. I repented, got saved and he won’t take me back. What do I do, Mr. Evans?

Chris and cindy beall are not a good example. It really turns me off to your ministry that you guys seem to push thier story as so incredible or an "amazing" testimony and example of forgiveness and marriage.

Adultry is not grounds for divorce. Fornication is.