How to Stop Seeking Male Validation (Cassie, Euphoria) 

Oh my gosh same babe, it is so so ingrained in us, to care about men fancying us. Have you read women don't owe you pretty:) x

I know

How?

Same

Same even my academic career

same

​@@khantishahdear @samia I feel like it is due to a huge lack of self worth I too became the victim of this situation but not in the same way it signifies the lack of self love what I have realised

same and I still struggle from it

Don't feel guilt, i think you should be proud , that you are councious about this feelings, and i think it's naturally that you have these desire to be liked. Your'e Just a human. Have a nice Day❤

This is so what happened with me n I wanna tell don't be so hard on yourself

A different perspective (from someone who did end up in a “cool girl” career with skills and hobbies that impress men (and women!): Trust your own desires. Be aware that an element of them may come from wanting to be “seen,” yes, maybe by men, and just reflect on it. Make sure that’s not the only reason you are doing something, and follow your heart. It’s a natural motivation and not always bad. The desires of our heart are there for a reason, and they are always our own. Even if it involves an element of wanting to be seen. Just make sure that’s never the only reason.

I'm sorry I took so long to reply Maria. Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. ❤ After reading your comment I thought back to when I was at college going through very similar stuff to you (struggling with self doubt and lacking confidence). Repetativly being complimented for your looks can make you believe that your appearance is the most important thing about you. The thing that people care about, that if you don't always look 'good,' you're dispensable. You are wayyyy too young to deal with this. But honestly, I can tell you're strong and emotionally intelligent just by how you articulated this to me. I believe that you'll meet people that see you for the multifaceted human you are, and love you for what you have to say not what you look like. I want you to feel hopeful. 🥰A short while ago, I felt like I was only worthy of peoples time because of how I look. Now, I have people that value me for all the right reasons (for being a caring/interesting/kind friend). ❤I recommend reading The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo. I think you'll find it very relatable. Please keep me updated along your journey. Lots of love Maria xxxxx❤🥰✨

Thank you so so much for telling me this ❤. I hope you know how much you're helping me. It's a new school year for me and I'm hoping to change this toxic mindset. I'm taking baby steps every day- like being more vulnerable around the people in my class and trying to act like my normal self around guys and girls :). I will read the book that you recommended!

@@maria-dr6zv Bless you. ❤❤❤❤ Small changes make a big difference in the long term, you've got this babe. 🥰 I love that you're being more vulnerable with people. Go you! Let me know what you think of the book. I'm half way through it ✨✨ xxx

@Ayush Anand That's fake lol. Stop basing it on your experience! MOST Men love good looking hot body women.

I know its so sad😔

I totally understand you my lovely. 💗 Are there any alternative ways that you can fill your cup up? Any activities you can do that will make you feel proud of yourself/confident? 🥰😘

@alessiasutherberry I think it affected me quite deeply when a guy said I wasn't pretty enough for him to date me...and he was negging me at the same time. As for activities, I do think it can only do so much because peers around me are getting into relationships and the constant message from people that u aren't in one (single) means u are lesser. It really sucked when people around you share their relationship experiences, and u have none to talk about..

In the context of being male centered and male validated, the experience you are describing still has you and all of the girls at your school centering a male and validation from a man. It's deeper than you realize. The Catholic school is reinforcing patriarchy with a male figure at the helm of your entire world, environment, social order etc

Hey🥰❤ Thank you so much for sharing lovely, this makes me so so happy. You're so right. Sometimes it is comforting to know that other girls get it, that you're not alone. Although if I could click a button and stop other women from experiencing the embarrassment and shame I've felt, I totally would xxx

This conversations are so important to have, thank you for extended the convo:) xxxx

@@alessiasutherberry absolutely ☺

@@dreamsculptor11 ❤️❤️❤️

Awh babe thank you💗💜 I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this shit. Know you’ve always got this RU-vid community by your side xxxx

When I looked at your profile picture, you look absolutely stunning! I love your dewy skin and sweet-looking eyes! I’ve been there. I consider myself physically attractive, but didn’t get much male attention. It could be the energy that we’re putting out. The hard part is being okay with not always getting attention from men, but it’s possible to not care what men think. What’s more important is your inner beauty and how good you make yourself and others feel instead of looking for validation on looks because the high you get from the male gaze is fleeting and it’s tempting to want and seek more of that. You can also tap into your gifts and passion that have nothing to do with looks. That helped me forget about men completely. Every time I did that, men were more attracted to me because I wasn’t focused on getting their approval. By the time you attract men when you stop looking for it, it won’t have an impact on you because you at that point already feel good about yourself and enough as you are.

💗💗💗💗💗

Thank you for your incredibly kind words my lovely! You seem so nice! 💗🥰 It means a lot to hear that you found the video helpful. I'm glad the tips resonated with you, and I hope they continue to inspire you on your path. I'm posting a video on 'how to decenter men but still enjoy dating them' next Sunday. You might find it interesting! 💗💘 Thank you again for being so warm and lovely 💗 🥰🥰🥰

Aw so nice of you to say. Thank you for reaching out and being so lovely!! 💕💕

I am so so happy to hear this, thank you for sharing your story lovely. Lots of love xx💘💘💘

Hey lovely ! Thank you so so so much. I agree, I wish we talked about this stuff more openly day to day. ❤️❤️❤️ I really think women would benefit from talking about this stuff without any judgment. Xxxxxxx

Awh I am so happy to hear that❤️ big hug 🤗😘

Aw thank you so so much for commenting babe. ❤❤ I'm sorry you're going through this anxiety related to ageing. That must be difficult. To be honest now I think about it, it scares me a bit too. One thought that comforts me - as I age, as I get wrinkly and I become 'less attractive,' I'm more likely to attract people that honestly care about me, who treasure my personality. Maybe getting older means fostering stronger more meaningful friendships is a little easier? Ageing is associated with becoming less attractive, but it is a totally unfair notion, a stupid societal/cultural opinion. It helps companies sell more shit. Like anti ageing creams. It's all to make money. I don't know if that helps in anyway, sometimes getting angry can help you step away from feeling 'not enough.' Sending a big hug your way xxxxxx

You are more then welcome my love 🥰❤️

Thank you for being so lovely. Sending a big hug your way xx🫶

You are more than welcome!!!!!

Hey Vanessa, I'm so so glad you liked the video 🥰❤ I will 100% make more videos like this, getting on it now☺✨ xxxx

same but im a black girl lol

I know you posted this a while. Hope all is well. I am glad you are becoming aware of this. And I certainly went through in my teen years. Once the awareness kicked in for me (though it happened at a much later age), I kinda try to work against it and do what I want, regardless of wondering what a guy would think. What you, I and many young girls and women go through is because we have been constantly conditioned to cater to the male gaze. "What men would like? What can draw them in?" I think it is part survival because for most part of recorded human history, men created and maintained a system where they are control things that vital to us, like food, water, and shelter. We as women, in living in such a system, do our best to secure that our needs are met and what we can to benefit from the system; men make the rules how we can cater to them best and change it up however they like. Kinda like how when we were kids and we made up our own games, we always had that one kid who will always change up the rules so they always win and the rest of us don't. Yeah, same principle applies. Guys will always change their preferences under their gaze, we as women worry how to keep up when in fact, we never will. Despite varying views on Feminism, it gives to the tools to be aware of certain things, question, and ultimately put the agency back where it should have always been. Yours. Mine. And any other girl and lady. Just my two cents.

Awh thank you so much darling. Lots of love 🥰❤️😘

awh thank you so so so much lovely ❤❤❤❤ I hope the next week is better for you xxxxx Sending a big hug your way xxx

Aw thank you for the lovely comment🥰

Thank you babe just saw you subscribed🥰❤️. X

Oh my gosh hello! Thanks so so so much 🥰❤️ 🥰❤️

Aw bless you. Thank you for reaching out lovely. Sending a hug your way xx ❤❤

@@alessiasutherberry thanks so much dear much love 💗xx

@@Aellaily 💗

Thank you gorgeous girl x

Aw thank you for commenting lovely 🥰💗❤️

🥰🥰🥰

Sounds like you are very self aware. ❤️

Sending a big hug your way xx🫶

You’ve made my week with this comment🥰 thank you so much ❤️❤️

Thank you so much Linda 😊💜💜

Thank you so much❤️❤️❤️ your kind words me the world ! Xxxxxxx

Hey lovely, thank you so much for sharing your experience. You've clearly got so much going for you, so many talents, which is so exciting. People will try and simplify you, reduce you down to your looks, but you're a very complicated interesting girl. That is clear. ❤ I'm so glad you shared this with me, I feel honoured. ❤ In regards to your question, refocusing on something in the classroom that isn't a boy could help, maybe do a 30 second focus on your pencil case, any inanimate object, observe all the colours, shapes, little details. Perhaps do some deep breaths at the same time. I find this really calms me down, and I find when you feel watched (when boys are checking you out) your adrenaline sky rockets and that's what makes it so hard to focus on working. Let me know if this helps you babe. xx🥰 I love you so much too! x

@@alessiasutherberry thank you so much for replying. You are the prettiest and so much humble too . I'm really thankful that a complete stranger from across the globe supports me . Your advice clearly works , I ve gotten so much more focused now and I'm working on myself .I love you💗💗🥺

@@koena338 You've made my day with this comment. 🥰 Thank you for being so kind. I'm really glad RU-vid has brought us together! x

@@koena338 lots of love xxxx

Best compliment ever, thank you lovely x🥰

That is so so kind of you Lia - I love your name btw 💚💚💚 xxxz

Omg yes exactly i just came across this video, watched it and then I realized how little views it got you deserve way moooore keep going

@@saralaskaselflove this has made my entire weekend💜💜💜 thank you:) I will keep making videos for sure🥰 x

No:( I'm sorry lovely. Have you read Women Don't Owe you Pretty? It might help:) xxx

That makes so much sense! Thank you for sharing with me so openly and honestly. I really want you to know you are not alone, you have this RU-vid community that appreciates you. We can feel valid and worthy as collective - as wonderful women on planet earth. ❤💘🥰💗 Sending you the biggest hug xxx

So you cheated. Great job.

Male validation is where women value the opinions - especially praise and sexual attention - of men more than they respect their perspectives or those of other women or non-binary people. Male validation is specifically problematic for women because we live in a patriarchal society where more time, space, and value are given to men’s opinions.

This validation means women often end up placing more value on the opinions of men, seeing themselves and the world from a male perspective.

www.minkaguides.com/male-validation/ here's the article I got this from

Don't let that get to you, he's probably a shy guy, if you want him to speak his mind about your looks maybe start complementing him first, that might encourage him. And remember if he didn't like you he wouldn't have got married to you in first place.

it's a track from the RU-vid audio library! I've actually forgotten what it's called... I will try and find it! You like it? xx

@@alessiasutherberry pls do!!

Oh no lovely🥺❤️ what’s happening ? Sending you a big hug xxx

trust me I’m 15 to and I feel so sorry for the both of us the fact we’re even here shows how society has become

That’s such a compliment 🥰 thank you gorgeous xxx

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ Sending you all my love and strength

So right, that's exactly, what I'm thinking all the time...Look at Leonardo di Caprio, Brad Pitt and and and....

Exactly. She’s showing off her boobs like for what? For self validation? She can just look at her breasts when she naked in her room and no one sees her or when she’s playing with her bf and he can validate her. But she shows it off for others to validate them 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️

This is actually a based take. Good stuff mate.

does showing boobs equal to seeking validation?

@@hirayashanang Depends on the context. Femen are not, but a female RU-vidr with lots of make-up and boobs popping out of her dress is. Nothing wrong with wanting male attention, but lots of things wrong with needing validation.

​@@patriciavasara1051 those are still similar wtf

You’re so slow

​@@hirayashanangYes.

Awh no thank you so much lovely ❤️❤️❤️❤️ xxxxxxx