How To Talk To Kids So They Listen 

I so wish you had a podcast where I didn't have to be in front of my computer to watch/listen to you. These videos are GOLDEN!

"KIDS ARE PEOPLE TOO!" One more time for those in the back!

Absolutely one of the best videos for any parent, grandparent, or anyone and everyone really. Thank you!

I'm working towards breaking the chains of that old school, dysfunctional parenting you speak of. NOT being like my parents. It's a worthy goal and these videos are a paramount help. God I can't imagine trying to tell my dad some of the stuff in this video. That alone is worth a good laugh. And yes I also hope the next generation also comes along more evolved than us down the road.

Where have you been all of my life? 😅 Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge! Greatly appreciated 🙏❤️

I have looked for a lot of parenting videos and this is the one I love the most because of how fun you enterprate the video

Thank you for teaching me a loving approach to listen to my children. I am new at this therefore can't thank you enough. Many Blessings!

The hiking comparison was very enlightening and helpful. Thank you for these videos.

I love your videos Dr. Paul, so helpful. :) Thank you.

Love your videos! I hate spanking and yelling because I remember how much I disliked it as a child myself. I've finally had enough and took to RU-vid in search of help and I've found your channel. I've tried the "2 options and either is fine with me" trick and it worked brilliantly! Thank you!

My struggle isn't with the theory you put forth, I understand the concept. My struggle is with thinking on my feet of actual practical choices to offer that are reasonable, and reasonable age appropriate consequences. A chart with options would be amazing.

Hay I just watched till 2 minutes and I can’t go further without commenting that I really love your thought about the green one, our focus should me how people think about them self, I would like to follow you more, it might lead me to be better parent. Thank you 😊.

Good stuff. I'm a teacher and want to connect with my students while delivering situations, communications, and ultimatums that work.

Your video change my life!!!! Amazing! 2 days ago I had to repeat myself over 10 times to get my 7 year old to do anything....now with your method of giving her only 2 chances I like first time SHE DOES AS SHE IS ASKED!!! Yes....i.changed my words from trush to gold!! Thanks a lot!! There was no yelling and frustration in 2 days:) yes yes yes!

I really love your video, thank so much I believe this could help me and my boys, God bless you and your family

Thank u so much for your method..its really hard to wake up my 5 yr old son to go to school every day but today i try this method by giving 2 choices for him.. wow..its really amazing..he not crying and always have a happy face..

Thank you thank you thank you I’ve been struggling lately with parenting lately this is so helpful

I can't stop laughing: you are painting a picture in my family. Thank you so much

Oh wow! The visual you give with the mountain makes so much sense! I thought i would hate your videos when my mother sent them to me, but you have really given me a new way to look at things. Thank you so much! I was wondering if you have any videos on how to talk to toddlers and how to talk to them and get them to respond to you. (My son is extremely hyperactive and has a hard time focusing on me)

thank you so much for these videos!

I NEEDED THIS VIDEO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you!!!!!!

Thank You so much dearest sweeties 💐🙏 You’re such an inspiration ❣️ Stay Blissful Eternally 😇🕉💖

my twenty year old daughter is standing over me while I'm watching agreeing with you and looking at me cross eyed

Thank you so much for this video! This is very helpful... especially for me as a parent and as a parent. :-)

Not just with children but with everyone. We are all climbing the same mountain but are taking diffrent paths.

I actually leave. The terrified expression when I've gone around the city block and come back. Whew, they've never not listened again. Actually doing what you say you will do has a vastly greater impact. I agree with you there. When you mean what you say, say what you mean. I love showing people what actually matters. It's not a person and their perspective that matters. It's the communication of their perspective that matters. It turns people and their world upside down. And when they finally figure out what it all means, the meanings put to life. They realise nothing matters. Then they are massively free to choose... whatever. In the grips of communication.

"focus is going to change "your" kids response. " right!!😀👍🏼

Well, meaning what you say with your kids does make an impact. My 7 year old got reminded this morning about coming on her own feet or coming on mine. She asked me what I meant when I told her that. I reminded her of the time about two months ago when she was fighting me to get going for the school bus and I gave her that choice. She didn't believe me when I first did it, but I picked her up, kicking and screaming, carried her to her stop and put her on the bus. Her school friends laughed at her most of the day over it. I've not seen my little girl move that fast in a long time! Lol she doesn't want a repeat of that time.

Thank you💫

Really I enjoyed and had great thanks alot.

Oh Dr Paul, how I wish I lived in Utah close to you 😂 I am still learning a lot from you. Thank God I found you. I really appreciate you. Thank you so much.

Wow ! Thanks

Good knowledge Sir

I love your video' s i have to 2 kids they are 5 yr and 2 yr thank you so much ., Your videos helped me a lot👌

Many times kids aren't acting up because they want too! They're testing their parents to see how much they can get away with. They're trying to see which buttons they can push and what works for them. It's also, a way of getting attention.

I agree with this man on a lot

Great. video

Great video!

I'm new to your channel, there is so much awesome information! But where do I start?!? I want to implement these thing within my own home but I have no idea how to begin!

Thanks

thank you

Great

I have actually "left" my kids before. I drove up the street just enough so I could watch the house and just long enough to get the point across. It worked very well. Any recommendations for older kids that don't want to come with the family? I haven't had this issue, yet. I have heard from many friends with older kids that it tends to happen for church at some point. Just thinking ahead a bit to be prepared.

wow what great advice! I disagree a bit that children are better people by default.I think high morals and high social behavior is majority developed by the parent. But I totally agree that kids aren't stupid.Yeah they don't have all faculties because the brain needs to develop first.But still most of the time their behavior is totally due to lack of experience. I can't tell the times how my dad kept saying this or that to me,when i was a kid(the ones I remember) and I though "yeah....right...." and as soon as I got to his age I understood that he was right.So that analogy with the mountain was really spot on.Great videos though.Watched few.It's a nice way to present positive parenting concepts and tips.Something I've been looking for all over the net.

This analogy omg

I agree with everything in every video your talkimg about.. But what if you've already been doing it wrong foe 4 years? The child doesn't want to listen or look at me.. Where do I start being better with him ?

Omg o found this channel for the first time. Thanks so much for giving these tips I always try to use the "time out" method but it doesn't work all the time and I end up yelling at my almost 3 yr old son. Would you happen to have a video for how to discipline a 13 yr old daughter I know it's a tough age but it's just hard for her to behave her age. She behaves like my 10 month old boy. Thank you

Are these videos in line with Dr Barbara Colerosso books from the 90's and early 2000's?

Love this so far, but how is this possible with 3 kids, ages almost 6, 4, and 2.5? What words do I use when they are this young?

Hi there Dr. Paul. I really appreciate your content. I've been having quite a bit of trouble with our 5 year old nephew bullying(you might say) our 20 month old girl. He's shown allot of agression towards her both through words and even physically. We love him but He's a tough, strong boy who has a bunch of energy and we are worried about the effects he can have on our toddlers self esteem and identity. We believe he's jealous since he's not the solo youngster in our group. He doesn't seem to respect his mom all that much (which we have confronted about the issue). Any tips on how to deal with this situation?? It's always hard when family's involved.

So what would u say about getting your shoes on in the morning? I am stuck with ideas.

Please bear with me on this post as there is much to explain as to why I'm in desperate need of advice!! I immediately implemented this two option rule for my 4 1/2 year old defiant son who has Oppositional Defiance Disorder (along with a string of other issues and life problems he should never have to go through) and things have been so difficult. I did sit down with him when he woke up in the morning and explained what I was going to begin to do in regards to these options that would both be totally okies with me and that he would have the choice to make his own decisions. He was really accepting of this and has responded While this 2 option rule has truly made an absolute difference in his making his own decisions and he has really responded quite positively to this new implantation, but I do have a big question that I could really use some insight and advice/help with.. It's worth noting a few things though... my son is also possibly Asperger's (he shows all the signs of it and while researching, I discovered that I fit all the criteria for the disorder as well) so my psych is now also having me undergo the official diagnosis for it myself as a 31 year old adult. I am also severely bipolar and I'm truly afraid he will have inherited that as well but it's too soon to tell. The thing that is driving me absolutely and utterly BONKERS is that I can be talking to him and we're in the middle of a conversation and 10 seconds later he has completely tuned out and quit listening!! What do I do?! I'm at a total loss here. I understand being highly ADHD as I also am diagnosed that as well and take medication for it. I started all natural supplement solutions to add into his daily regimen to help ease his own ADHD because his preschool teachers have been having huge issues with this as well while trying to keep him on track in school. I'm still having to try different supplements though as I've clearly not found the right one yet but have seen some positive results nonetheless with a few. I definitely do not want to start him on any kind of prescription medication this early on in his life due to the side effects... But the instant tuning out and totally not hearing what I'm saying 10 seconds into a conversation he had JUST been involved in is reallllllly getting to me. Can anyone give me any advice on this and what to do? I'm trying so hard to be patient for the State to approve his insurance so that I can begin him in the correct therapies that are seriously needed. He is also my Sensory Sweetie and has Sensory Processing Disorder. I'm a single mum and his dad has zero involvement in his life (which I know he has a LOT of hurt and anger about... again, a therapy needed thing.) But this total tuning me out thing is becoming such a problem that I'm so frustrated. I'm a parent who does not believe in disciplining my child with any sort of spanking. Instead we talk (again, with the possible Asperger's he does not make eye contact for more than a second before having to look away and always has to have something in his hangs to fidget with in order to sit still and have any sort of deep one on one conversation) and talking to him has always worked in order for him to understand how his behaviors are wrong. Those talks are about the only time I can get him to pay attention and listen without tuning out during a normal day to day conversation. Also, it's worth letting you guys know that I'm currently battling 3 diseases that have no cures except undergoing 2 very invasive brain surgeries that would give me a 50% chance of success and it's usually only temporary between days/weeks/months/possibly for some years before they come back. One of them is known to be the worst pain known to mankind called, Trigeminal Neuralgia (aka "The Suicide Disease") It is an insanely rare facial disease that has completely changed our lives from living happily independent to having had to move home to my parents due to some days I am unable to even sit upright due to the pressure being vertical will put on my face. I live in constant 24/7 pain, throbbing and pressure in both sides of my face and occasionally my face will go tomato red and feel as though acid has been poured over it and it burns like hell. He's no longer able to snuggle with me the way we used to. He cannot touch my face. No one and nothing; not myself, water, a slight breeze, being in too cold or too hot of air, absolutely nothing can come into contact with my face or else I will go into an episode of what I call lightening strike attacks where it feels as though a lightening bolt will strike from the corner of my mouth up to the top of my ear over and over for 3-5 minutes. My son has to watch these attacks happen because at times they come without any triggers at all. He comforts me during them. This is stuff no 4 year old should ever have to deal with and we've been dealing with it since he was only 3. So he's definitely learned compassion to the highest degree and is very mature when it comes to my diseases. But again... he is also Oppositional Defiant, so at times the reactions are not in a good way. I'm already aware that due to my diseases a lot of his acting out is due to his frustration of seeing his momma in so much pain and hating how his life changed overnight when these 3 diseases hit. (I have a head disease similar to the Trigeminal Neuralgia and also an ear disease that makes me unable to tolerate yelling, clapping, loud noises, the sound of running water, hums, pretty much everything and those sounds will send a hot stabbing poker jamming into my ears. I have to wear special headphones most all the time in order to be around anyone or anything. And I stay in my bedroom most all the time to be in my safe quiet bubble.) He's insanely smart though and before Christmas he was already past the point of being ready to test out of kindergarten. He is just tuning out in the middle of a conversation ALL the time!! No matter what techniques I try to implement, I just cannot seem to get him stay with me when talking... I'd appreciate absolutely ANY advice, techniques, anything that might help me right now..... Thank you from the depths of my heart for reading this long post if you've managed to get this far, it truly means a lot! Again, this video and the 2 option rule has totally changed both my views on how to get him to respond to my needing him to do things and his understanding of his own independence he has to make his own choices. I'm so grateful that I stumbled onto this video and channel!!

What about toddlers of 2 year old that are in the phase of "no, I won't listen I'll do my own thing"? Any tips?

Thanks a lot for valuable and helpful videos. I have 3 years and 9 months kid, boy. Every time, when I want to put him day care center, start crying. I already chang 2 child care centers, his activities same, want to stay with me...want to go office with me. What I can do?plc advice

What part of Utah are you in???! Because if your close to me, I’d like to meet and find a better approach to my parenting!

Hy! What to do with my 17 years old when he loves to play football and watches screens instead of learning. He always goes to play football and never learn, without perspective of future. Sometimes I tell him that I will no longer buy him new clothes , no giving money... but he doesn t care. What to do in that situation? Please I need an answer to change my point of view. Thanh you very much!

Came from watching Kardashians and listening to their English and Parenting level to this. I should have been careful on what I binged watch.

I have tried my daughter and son hiving choices the way you suggested...sometimes it works and sometimes they do not listen. They do not listen when they are playing with their cousins a d they get rowdy. They throw tantrums. They watch lot of cell phone. So what do you say what should i do?

You should have a podcast or is there one I’m not aware of?

Please PLEASE PLEASE create a course for teachers!!! PLEASE!!! AS a parent I'M BEGGING YOU PLEASE!!!!

I’m checking to see if my parents used these methods 😂

YES! Thank you it's dysfunctional.. "Because I said... " yada yada...

I am a stickler for words and their meanings. Kind of lost me when you claimed that the childs view by default is "good". Good is such an AWESOME concept, I dont like it thrown around like its meaningless. I will substitute "beneficial" for that instead. Otherwise, great video. I learned a lot.

But what if he likes staying with the neighbor? You might wear out your relationship with that neighbor

Pls I need help with my 6 yr old. I always feel embrasaed in public when he doesn't listen to me. People think ive spoilt him. I try not to be too strict like his dad. I'm a very soft person. Maybe that's the problem. He's often gets angry, irritable. Says NO to me often. All I do is yell and beat him up... Doctor gave him Ritalin but no I dont want it. Hes about 2 yrs behind in school. Its frustrating. His sister is also copying is bad behaviour... :(

How to motivate a child without punnishment or promises?

Is not speak ing to a teen and avoiding him for some time an appropriate disicplinary action from a mother?

Does this work for a 4 year old?

Since im in a position to talk to these kids and they listen I aint no politican but i’ll kick it with them a minute

Youre in utah??? My state

from the time my very head strong onry now almost 9 year old boy was 5 I have had to always battle with him to do anything I want. rarely dose he still at nearly 9 dose things on his own, or dose what he is told without a tantrum. I will admit I will get loud, and I do finally loose my patients and spank on the but, then he gets compliant right away. I NEVER wanted to be this way. I tried to not yell or spank, but was getting a child that was not in control of himself at all and for example he was going to bed with a messy room for example because he was not cleaning it up, and I had to give up to put him to bed on time. at times he is okay with no, the other times I get a screaming fit he is way to old for. so what is a single parent to do? I hate spanking but it sure dose work. sadly it has to get that way. I listen to you video about how to make them more cooperating, but honestly still a bit confused. we never have from the time he was about 5 had a good relationship. I am old school, but out of necessity, not because I want to be. it dose have a positive effect, at least when he is else where I get compliments on how good he can be with them, not so much at home. and if he refuses to do something or refuses to not throw a fit in hopes of me giving in, how can I punish him without getting loud and spanking?

All you need to do is WHISPER...that always gets attention

Talk to their butterfly not their caterpillar

How to motivate a chil

I disagree. You forget that when we have already traveled the mountains and our kids are behind us and they are just starting their journey the kids do not know the trips and hazards and dangers of the mountain. We as adults have already walked that road we have already climbed that mountain so we know the dangers and the trips and the hazards of life. And as parents and as adults in a situation we know a lot of The Times how to help our children avoid the same mistakes to go round the hazards that life has to offer. Not saying not to let them learn but there is nothing at all with teaching a child about certain aspects of life. You can not expect the mentality of A345 Or six-year-old To be on the same level of an adult who has already traveled life's path. Our job as parents is to teach our children. I'm not saying don't let them experience life's up's and down's because no matter what we do that's going to happen regardless. I'm just saying that if there's ways to help our children avoid negative circumstances and situations in life or teaching them how to deal with circumstances and situations in life that are not always the best then we should be able in feel free to do that

I'm uttering a 9year old Sotho child. She's in an English school. She does not yet know the alphabet in English, she's been held back and is still in grade 2. It seems she doesn't or cannot understand the importance to put her mind to learning. You speak sense but your intro music is silly, fake, superficial, synthetic sounds unsteady of music. I've made a study and written an article on different kinds of music and it's relevance in society.

You are wrong.

This is just a bunch of “hippie dippy crap“. Listen to my kids and honor them and their choices ?!… Don’t you ever have an actual interaction with real kids? Why won’t they eat their breakfast because they want to eat sugar instead. Why don’t they want to go to bed? …because they wanna stay up and play… their choices and reasons are crap. As a parent you’re supposed to guide them you’re not giving any real solutions other than listen to them and their reasons will after that then what the reasons or I want to eat donuts not cereal or eggs. You wouldn’t no point give actual real guidance or information on how to deal with kids this is ridiculous

I agree with this man on a lot