How Unloving Parents Generate Self-Hating Children 

The most underrated crime in human history is bad parenting

Some of us recognized the dysfunction early on. We ended up resenting our parents, wishing they could have been more like the loving parents of our friends and classmates. We knew intuitively there was something deeply wrong with our parents. At the same time, society informed us that we are required to love our parents. This situation takes a very long time to recover from.

Abuse is horrible, but neglect is a special version of hell. You are invisible. No amount of good grades or special talent is enough to get recognition (at home). Your shortcomings are served to you buffet style when you do get any attention. By puberty, that little bit of cuteness that was your last saving grace is gone and you are a detestable burden. In adulthood, finally, you watch everyone else succeed but just trying to keep a job, and hold onto the bare minimum, is a significant struggle. If they only knew how hard you try...

At 44, i am just now starting to navigate away from self loathing. If you had crappy parents, they already stole your childhood. Don't let them take your adulthood too. You have the power to heal and develop lasting, meaningful relationships. We in this together, let's go! ❤

It’s crazy how much our relationship with our parents as children affects our relationship with ourselves as adults.

"Sometimes when a person doesn't have children, it's a humane act. Sometimes when a person does have children, it's an Inhumane Act." Eric Warnock

When my mother texted me she was too busy to come to my wedding I dropped to the ground sobbing. I rang my sister & the first thing that came out of my mouth was: “Why am unlovable? Why am so revolting & awful that she doesn’t love me.” My big sister said “You are more loveable than you could ever imagine.” We sobbed together. I don’t think people can understand what it’s like to have a parent who just can’t be what they are meant to be. Not everyone gets to have a mother, be thankful if you do.

Grew up in an Asian family with narcissistic parents who thought showing love was a weakness and could never express it. It's even awkward to hug a family member. Everything is true, you grow up to be self hating, shameful adults. To deal with this shame and self hate, the mind, even at that young age engages in maladaptive behaviors killing off their genuine self and putting on masks. And when that need for love is still not met, they shut down emotions. These attitudes and behaviors over time leads to maladies and condition like pure OCD, limerence, social anxiety, depression, covert narcissism and etc that will surface later in life. All things that can wastefully consume the hours and days of life, and prevent you from becoming the person you are truly meant to be. It can also lead some to becoming an extreme people pleaser later in life, to the point where it becomes unhealthy. Their social and emotional development are hindered because they are still stuck in that self hating phase and rarely do they know how to deal with problems in a healthy manner, because they never had that love and support. This could also lead to addictions like gambling, drinking, and etc. Please don't starve your child of affection and attention. If you have been a victim in the past, try to stop the cycle. Forgiveness is the first step. Forgive yourself and your parents. They were most probably victims themselves. I also believe therapy is a good attempt to overcome this.

It always goes back to childhood doesn’t it...

Growing up my parents always made me feel like I owed them my life, that I should be grateful because they paid for my food, my living expenses and everything I have. To me, It is a ridiculous proposition, why would anyone bring a child into existence if they're not prepared to raise the child? Do they honestly expect a toddler to work and feed itself? Now I am estranged from my parents and I have never felt more relieved, they would call me selfish, ungrateful and whatever negative adjectives that can comfort their souls, but I'm not going back to that abusive life I wanted to escape since young. If you're a parent, please do not make your kid feel like they're indebted to you, they're not. They do not choose to be born, it is by your decision they come into being, hence it is your responsibility to raise them, if you only have children to count on one day they will take care of you, don't have children, you're running their lives, chances are you'll ruin yours.

My childhood wasn't the best, but I grew up a couple houses down from three boys who had a horrific mother. The father was long gone. You could hear her screeching at them all over the neighborhood. This was back in a time when folks just shook their heads and looked the other way. One of the boys committed suicide in his 20's. Another died from drug abuse. The third, who bore the brunt of his mother's rage, works hard, but his life seems to be a disaster, and I know he doesn't cope well, even as he approaches 60 years old. But he has a big heart, and we have remained good friends through the years.

I'm in my 50s , extremely grown up but somehow still seven years old and being told I'm not worth anything . It's a bizarre reality created by two now long vanished people.

This is why, people really need to think through their decision before having children if they're capable to provide love, safety, and the basic necessity for another human being.

I'm 26 years old and I have never ever been hugged by my parents (no, they're not dead), and the result is now I have trouble expressing affection to others and I'm uncomfortable when people start being affectionate to me

I was being criticized by my family for every single thing; good or bad. Growing up I’m so critical and never satisfied with any of my achievements.

My parents excelled at so many areas of parenthood, so I never understood what happened to me in childhood to generate such self-hate and low self esteem. My mom cooked dinner every night, we had lots of toys and each one of us had our own bedroom. We were always physically safe, took amazing summer vacations, had help with our homework in the evenings. It took a long time for me to realize that as a child, I was “pushed away” a lot in moments when I was vulnerable. I guess my parents were trying to make me more independent emotionally, but that’s not quite what happened. I remember being afraid at night and feeling that I couldn’t go downstairs to their bedroom for comfort because I knew they would get irritated with me. I felt I couldn’t ask for hugs or cuddles because I was actually physically pushed away a few times by my mother who was almost always busy with a task. My older sisters wanted nothing to do with me and often ran off with their friends to leave me alone at home. Although I was well-cared for and I love my parents for EVERYTHING they did “right” in raising me, I do remember feeling very lonely as a child and I started believing there was something fundamentally wrong with me that my parents didn’t want to hold me or be around me. They were simply too busy to be bothered, but I’ve carried this feeling with me my whole life. When I don’t meet my own expectations, I feel undeserving. Hopefully I can create self-love as an adult.

Only ever being scowled at, never smiled at. Only ever criticised, never praised, no matter how well I did in school. Never receiving an ounce of affection. Being left alone. Never having fun with my parents. Never being reassured. Being ignored, despite repeating myself over and over until I gave up talking. Being of less worth because I wasn’t thin; constantly being told I had a fat this, that or the other. I could go on. My mother is a broken human because of her unhealed childhood trauma, and I believe only had me because my dad likely talked her into having a second child . She would have happily not had another, after a bad time with my older brother keeping her awake for the 1st 2 years of his life. I believe I was resented from the get go. I believe she also had post natal depression. This manifests today in me, still. People pleasing. Terrified of conflict. Always trying to keep the peace. Never standing up for myself. Scared of being disliked. Feeling like the only way to solve problems is to run away. Not really being able to articulate myself in conversations. Never arguing because of lacking confidence in my argument. Always trying to remember it wasn’t my fault. Always trying to love and care for myself. Still struggling through. Hugs out there to anyone who identifies with any of this. ❤️ it’s not your fault. You deserved love.

I yelled at my parents several times that if they did not want a child they should have taken a cold shower instead of sex because I was constantly reminded that I was unplanned and unwanted and could not get an abortion to avoid having me.

Well damn wasn’t expecting to cry today. Also, after reading the comments, I never thought I’d be in a space with so many people like me. I literally don’t know anyone else’s parent who were abusive, hateful, manipulative and just downright evil as mine. I went through everything in this video and I outright hate myself. I was a straight “A” student, an athlete, had perfect attendance and never got in trouble. Not because I was raised correctly, but because I wanted to be worthy of being taken care of…I never achieved that goal. And, that led into my life. Romantic relationships even platonic friendships all led me be mistreated and apologize and “change” as if I was ALWAYS the issue. Through therapy and time…I’m just now combating this in my 30s…. I’m sorry this happened to us…but it isn’t the end.

And no matter how much therapy, counselling, you receive, or how much medication you swallow, the self hate never leaves your soul.

As a teenager myself I'm actually kind of scared how accurate this is. Society teaches us that we should bow to our parents just because they took care of us when we were young. Bruh like I'm not the one who wanted to be born. You're the one who brought me to this world so isn't that your duty? Emotional blackmail ain't gonna do shit. I'm nice to nice people bacuse I choose to be, not because I owe them something

When i was younger i was so focused on being a good daughter and trying to make her parents proud. Now i focus on making myself proud and not caring about my parents' opinions about me, because i realized that no matter what i say or do they always invalidate me. So why not just do what i love that makes me proud of myself.

I tell my son I love him multiple times a day, I give him hugs and kisses on a daily basis. He’s 7 right now and I’ve made a few mistakes in these seven years but nothing that would effect him forever. There is not a day that goes by or a minute in that day where I’m not thinking about making sure he’s loved for, cared for, encouraged, feeling good, feeling fed and so much more. When I found out he was being bullied in school, I lost it. I talked to teachers principals and reached out everywhere I could when he’s hurting I’m hurting. Never should he feel hurt. That’s my main mission. To always make him feel safe at my home. To feel loved, accepted and avoid as much hurt as possible. Hope I’m doing it right and he loves me as much as I love him when he grows up to be the most handsome gorgeous hilarious talented and funniest man alive! 👩🏻‍🍼👩‍👦

This is very true and the saddest thing it's that most parents are not even mean or evil people but they just don't know anything about proper education. They rely on the idea that a child forgets everything within a few minutes. So for them it doesn't matter what happens to you because you are just a child and as long as you have food and shelter you'll be fine 🙄🙄🙄

Thanks for explaining my childhood.

By the time we realize that our parents could also make mistakes and it is not necessarily us who are in the wrong all the time, it's too late, the damage has already been done.

When I was a child my mom would tell me that she loved me but she didn’t like me as a person. She really wanted to have a girl. After three boys she got me. She was always disappointed in me. She was very vocal about it. I remember talking to her and she would ignored me. Now that I’m an adult, I can see both my parents treated me like an object.

I became the person my mother told me I would be. Unlovable, a failure, not worth loving, and it took me a lifetime to get over.

I am going through a ridiculous amount of self-hatred recently. One thing that helped today was remembering a time I made someone laugh. It reminded me that I wasn’t completely worthless, and I was able to combat the overwhelming feeling of worthlessness.

It's like some parents think they want children but when they have them they dont create true bonds with them and they just look fake and pretentious.

The saddest part of this situation is to make others aware, those who received all that love and attention to see through and empathise with pain emotionally neglected children underwent. People with stable families never get it.

My grandmother was an incredibly cold person to her children, she made sure they were fed and clothed, but barely showed any affection or even celebrated their achievements. All her 4 children tried to break this cycle, but in some capacity every one of them failed and either became substance-abuser, drastically shortening their lifespan, or didn’t love their own offspring enough. My mum was charmed incredibly by me while I was an infant and a little toddler, but after we moved house a few times and our life difficulties compounded, I was basically left on my own since 5 years old and during most of my school years. Now I want to break this cycle the second time around and hope I can do my best to love my own children dearly and fully

I cannot afford therapy. This channel is a blessing for me.

My mother seems to have completely erased the memory of all the abuse she did to me. Perhaps it's her own coping mechanism, not wanting to accept that she is the main reason her youngest daughter wants to die. She's old and I let it be, some things can't be fixed with therapy I suppose, I hope all the adults that was treated inhumane in the past can find peace in little pleasure one day.

My parents were cold and hurtful towards me as a child. I developed depression at a very young age " around 9 " and now 20 years later I still struggle. I'm a very attractive man but I've never been able to maintain a relationship for more than a few weeks. Seeing the way my parents acted back then made me want my own family more than anything. It's literally been my only goal in life but I can't obtain it. As a result I've been addicted to opiates for the last 12 years. The feeling of ingesting a high dose of a quick acting opiate is like being wrapped in a blanket of love and studies have shown now that the opiate system is what mediates the bio chemical effects that lead to human bonding and love. Having shitty parents is legitimately the most damaging thing that can happen to someone. I'm destroying myself just to feel love and feel like I share a bond with someone and I'll likely die for that. Love your children and don't have them.

My Mom and Dad “ boarded” me out when I was born until I was 2 years old and they came to see me and bring clothes and saw I had a large boil on my head and I was rocking back and forth moaning, mind you the lady ( Elsie) whom I was placed with was uneducated and said “ I put some bacon on it to draw it out” she was also very southern. Upon seeing the condition I was in they took me to the dr. Where the area was lanced and as my Mother tells it…I breathed a sigh of relief, and took me home for good. Now…I had/have 3 older sisters that were at home with the parents their entire life and could never get an answer as to why I had to be throw to the side? They were not poor, in fact I had everything a child could want when growing up, but Love. My family does not hug or say “I love you” ever! and I have trouble doing either as well, but I try to break that odd stiff behavior and have done well at breaking it. I can hug friends etc..but I find it difficult to hug family. Sheesh! Anyway, I suffered as a child with my parents choices or lack there of..I had such low self esteem ( still do,) that it was debilitating and later I took myself to a psychiatrist and was diagnosed with agoraphobia at the age of 18 to get help to come out into the world…even if it was delayed. I can only attribute my lack of confidence and fear in life to their early abandonment of me or what looks like abandonment to me along with the weird, loose atmosphere in my home growing up. I had no rules growing up, no meal time and no structure, I’m amazed I have gotten as far as I have, but I was always working to overcome my phobia’s…I do struggle incredibly everyday. My friends have said I am the only sane ione in my family….which is almost true! Lol. Children need love, structure, attention and encouragement, it can stifle growth if ones mind if not given those basic things.we allow ideas and thoughts to creep into our minds at such young ages and they can take root! Do not have children if you are ill equipped to offer what they will need to progress into well shaped individuals as they grow up. Stability and love is so very vital to the young mind and a sense of being loved and belonging to a family is probably the most important! Btw, I still suffer with agoraphobia which leads to social anxiety, its all lack of self esteem and a feeling of being “less-than” but I will never give up trying to talk myself into believing, that I’m as good as anyone else, just different!

I'm really grateful that I'm born in an era where I can access such quality content for free to guide me through my adolescence

To the person who is struggling with shame and self hate, no one who grew up in a toxic situation escapes unharmed or free from the guilt of contributing to that toxicity in some way. You may judge yourself harshly, but you are not alone in this. It is far more common than you may realize. The only thing you should not do is perpetuate the toxicity. If you are here reading this, you are almost certainly looking for a better way. That is enough; you are enough. Progress may not come as fast as you want; forward is enough.

That’s why you have to not just love yourself, but reward yourself every day for the rest of your life for suffering in the hands of unloving parents. You now deserve all the happiness in the world for paying that price. Go for it.

I'm in my 40s. I recently had a conversation with my mother where she mentioned that she always hugged and kissed us as children. I don't remember that childhood. I know that if I told her otherwise, she wouldve screamed and cried. I left it alone.

The best career advice that I learned is don’t ever attach your-self to a PERSON, a place, a company, an organization or a project. Only Attach your-self to your mission in life and your PURPOSE. That’s how you keep your power and keep your peace!

No matter how damaged you are, you can heal! You may not have good enough parents but you can always reparent yourself, take care of yourself and talk good about yourself. You did not have a choice when you were young but you have a choice now. Your feeling is valid even when you feel sad when your candy fell to the ground. Sadness is real. Feeling changes and won't last forever.

I remember always having a sneaking suspicion that something was wrong as a kid, although I couldn't figure out why. I remember talking about it to adults around me (including therapists) and everyone would seemingly dismiss my feelings and either tell me that I was exaggerating things or that my parents loved me very much and I just have to try harder. My parents never laid a hand on me either, which made it so much harder to prove both to myself and others that they were the problem. 10 years ago, I more or less ran away from home because I felt like I wouldn't survive much longer if I stayed where I was. I've gotten so much crap for doing that, not just from my mother but from others as well who have labeled me selfish and kept insisting that my parents love me very much and I just have to try harder. A couple of years later, I stumbled across a video here on RU-vid about maternal narcissistic abuse and suddenly everything fell into place. I still remember that moment of realization just as clearly as if it happened yesterday. It was like someone had lifted a mountain off of my shoulders. I just cried for hours. I'm still working on my recovery, but there is no way I would have been where I am today if I hadn't have stumbled across that video and learned that it wasn't my fault. It makes me incredibly sad to think that there are others that go their whole lives never learning this lesson.

It’s absolutely staggering how many parents I’ve come across over the years, some who have admitted, others I picked up on behavioral cues, where they might love their children on a basic default level, but anything beyond that, they seriously hate them. By “default”, I mean concern for their basic care and feeding, and keeping them safe from immediate danger, but no care or interest in them otherwise, no building up, no bonding, no nurturing. It’s like there’s nothing more there, what little there is they just eke it out like the bottom of a toothpaste tube. I remember Mrs. Doubtfire where the dad argued that he doesn’t just love his kids, he’s IN LOVE with them. Don’t be a smartass: YOU KNOW EXACTLY the context that is meant here 🙄 That is the kind that kids deserve. A brave few admitted that they “love” their children but shockingly hate them at the same time, and secretly wish that they were someone else’s kids and they could just visit them. Some blame incompatibility, but the thing is not just not knowing a way around it, they don’t even seem to care to know a way around it. As if it’s just some sort of roommate or houseguest situation they’re stuck with. How much of that do you think the kid, who didn’t ask to be born, picks up? Parenthood is not a mandatory rite of passage into adulthood or “just something you do when you grow up”, it is a learned skill that some people quite frankly do not have an aptitude for EVEN WITH help, yet they go on and do it anyway because societal pressure, commercial programming, others’ expectations, for “old age insurance”(I want someone to care for me when I’m too old), to pacify their own parents’ desire for grandchildren, those reasons are actually kinda shitty and pretty selfish. The sooner we can all admit that not everyone is cut out to be a parent, the better off the world will be for everyone….

Don't jump to forgiveness if you don't genuinely feel it. Allow yourself to be angry at them, take your time and transit childhood pain. (I'm at this point now, just share in case it's useful for someone)

This is very true when your parents abuse you as a child you blame yourself then abuse yourself by being in abusive relationships

The best part is we are TALKING about this right now! This is the best time in the history of humankind. We are able to put these very very deep and difficult concepts into words !! Im so thankful to be present now! Seriously! And this actually enables me not only to heal myself but to be a better adult to my child ❤

As a child, I didn't think I would live to see 25. It was the only way I could cope with the abuse in my home. I'm 30 now and I'm finally learning to actually LIVE my life and make plans for my future, not just survive everyday life. This video hits home!

And this is why I have spent my almost 50 years battling horrible feelings of self-hate and crap self esteem. I’m working on it. I have finally realized I am not trash, it was them.

As a child of two parents who were neglected during their childhoods and was also neglected because those parents had no idea how to show love or affection this video made me realize how much good parenting matters because as I was watching this I had the realization that all the problems they listed off in the video I struggled with at some point in life and still do with some of them

Finally, now that I am 65, I find the explanation. Thank you.

I was destroyed by my mother. As a girl she hated the fact that I was female like her. She loved my younger brother the golden child. She became jealous when I turned out to be 6inches taller than her, looked like my father’s family and was 20kilos less in weight. I still struggle with the effects of her hate, I relapse into using substances as a way to kill the pain. I do try to love myself but the emotional deprivation was too great . Sometimes I have peace. I loathe her, always did. Saw through her from an early age.

Absolutely. As a pediatrician, I see this every day. We are primed for connection, and the security of that earliest attachment shapes the landscape of our subconscious.

I grew up taking care of my twin baby siblings, they're the best. taught me a lot in life and I love them

Thank you for a very insightful video. Now that I'm a senior adult, not a day goes by that I don't hate myself and, at the core, is hating myself because I don't know who I am or who I was. I was a very angry child because I was prevented from being happy by constant, unending criticism and invasive, and without any boundaries, behaviour from my mother. I TRIED to seek help over the years, but the best a therapist saw ( in my thirties) was that I was very immature. My mother instructed my father to stop hugging me once I stared school at 5 yrs. old . Up to then, only he and his mother ( grandmother lost early) were the only ones to touch me affectionately. My mother's mother was my caregiver ( I am the oldest of three )and idolized the ground my mother walked on. EVERYONE thought I was a problem, misfit, had terrible issues, etc. Yes, I tried to commit suicide three times, over dosed, became an addict and continue to be a functioning addict who self-medicates..............WHY? Was I SO worthless? Because my (late) mother had been a doctor and, compared to her, I was worthless. Kudos to those who have been able to, at least, regain even a small sense of self-worth. I wish I had been able to!

The older I get (36) and the more I understand the more horrified I am of my own childhood. After watching this video (thank you!) the one memory I clearly remember from my early childhood, between 3-6 I guess, is a memory of pain. I remember I was standing at the front door of our appartment with my mother, ready to go out somewhere. I don't know what it was, but something upset me and I started to cry. Something us adults usually pay no attention to, but for my little self it was important. I clearly remember the thoughts I had. I couldn't stop crying, it was not the first time that it happend and I thought "please, mom, don't say it", but she did. She said, no, she yelled "STOP CRYING!". And I cryed even more, totally confused why she said it again, wondering why she did not understand that this command made me cry even more, unable to say anything. That I couldn't stop crying, because I had no idea how to stop that massive force coming out from my heart and lungs that I didn't understand why it was there in the first place. As I said, I don't remeber the cause of it. All I do remember more than 30 years later is that painful command that made everything worse. Please, dear parents who read this, when your children cry whatever you do next, do it with love, show your love to your child. It doesn't matter if the cause is an insect sitting on their shoes, if they bumped into a door or if their favourite strawberry fell into the dirt. Show them emotionaly that you are there for them no matter what. But never, never, never, never, never, NEVER, NEVER, N E V E R yell at them and tell them to "stop crying"!! You can't extinguish a fire with gasoline.

The feelings don’t just materialize out of nowhere. My parents knew that they were angry, lacking, aloof and they chose to put the blame on my shoulders like the cowards they are. They projected the shame onto me that their parents put on them because they didn’t want to face what I’m facing now- choosing self responsibility as parent I get to suffer again while I struggle to break the cycle I never chose.

it is a deep empty sadness in the pit of your stomach.... the knowledge that everybody failed an innocent child that still cries alone and wonders what is wrong with them... i dont know how to pacify the little girl and convince her that it definitely was not her fault :(

It sucks to be born to parents that don’t accept you. I always feel like I’m in an alternate dimension, and just popped into this reality knowing no one, or that I have amnesia and can’t find my family because i don’t know them, since they can’t accept who I have become. I look to external sources of validation, and feel some abstract connection that is both some what real, by more a product of my imagination to the culture that my parents came from. Which can feel odd at times

It was my birthday yesterday and I heard from no one in my family. I called and wished everyone happy birthday in my family this year. Yet not a soul called me yesterday 😒 Not my parents, and definitely not my brother nor sister . This message came to me today and is gradually opening my eyes. Its painful but thank you for this. I needed it

Idk why but everytime I watch videos like this, I feel guilty for admitting that I felt neglected during my childhood but deep down I know my parents went to so much hardship and they tried their best, still it can't be denied that if they gave me more love, I would be able to love myself and love others now.

You gotta fight. You've gotta love yourself, because the truth is nobody cares about you. So you have to be selfish and love and care for yourself. I was told I was unwanted, to my face. Oh well, still gotta get through this thing we call life. Not saying it's easy, but really you have no choice. Love yourself.

Thank you, this channel, for being brave and caring enough to come straight out and say these things. Most people self-censor and avoid “going there” and acknowledging the blunt truth about bad parents. You are providing an incredible help to many formerly abused and neglected children to be able to find validation which is a crucial prerequisite of healing. Thank you for speaking truth to power.

As a child I often felt neglected and not able to receive love. As if there was something wrong with me. All those times I was manipulated by a narcissist. This led to self-hatred and disconnection. I am now aware of the situation in my childhood and I know I have the power within me to heal this wound. The only way to heal is to first become aware and go deep within. If you do not take care of your wounds, you will bleed onto others.

This is exactly what I’m going through right now it’s gotten so bad I almost admitted myself. You feel like you don’t belong in this world when you have parents like this.

Child me will forgive, but parent me never will. The agony and self hatred and attempts at my life just to birth and learn unconditional love should have always been a given.

So, so well explained. Anyone on here that is trying to heal from childhood trauma, I am sending you lots of well wishes. You’ve got this. X

My parents worked a lot and were never home. They went as far as to have another family member move in to take care of us (put us to bed, feed us, take us to school etc) I have a really close relationship with this family member - love her like a mom. This really hit home. To this day my parents focus on the material things they gave us. All I wanted was for them to be around and show interest in me. I still feel like I am always seeking their love. I have two kids and I try my hardest to spend quality time with them and let them know they are loved. It’s a struggle to try to improve myself to make sure my kids have a good example. Watching these videos helps with my self awareness.

Tip for prospective parents: get a pet (dog, cat, rabbit etc) to see if you have any nurturing instincts and patience. Not everyone has those qualities and that’s ok. Being a parent is a choice not an obligation.

The hardest part is the time lost in our early adulthood not only in figuring that part out (childhood deprivation) but not realizing how it impacts our ability to love others and find purpose in our own lives. Parents can cause children to waste their lives from realizing their own childhood potential and personal success in life.

When I was a young child I thought maybe someday I should write a book about my childhood because people should know about my negative and unjust experiences growing up. As an adult I see that my experience was a cakewalk compared to so many others. Still sucked tho.

My parents grew up with the idea that "Children must be seen and not heard" and then it passed on to me 😔 My feelings got ignored because they believed there's no reason why I should be crying. I misbehaved when they did that which I was then punished for. Now I hide my feelings with a desperation to be understood. I felt I needed to gain their approval & that there was something wrong with me, not them. Its like you cant blame the parents for what their parents did for what their parents did! It's like upbringing methods get passed down from generation to generation and nobody is questioning their parenting habits to break the cycle.

This channel is a blessing 🌻💗

It took me more than 30 years to understand that it wasn't me. But now at 40 i still can't shake the self hatred

This hits too close. Early on when I was an infant, my mom used to leave me at daycare to go to work. Then, later on, for my care, she hired a male caregiver who sexually abused me daily for 3 years(7 to 10 years old) as she used to return home at 8 p.m. He used to have his way with me and I thought that it was something all kids went through, that it was a part of daily life. He wasn't reported. And I was told by her that "it's okay" after he was removed from my care. I believed her, didn't have the capacity to understand what had happened. Then followed bullying and physical assaults in teenage years (11 to 16 yrs old, name calling "defective piece" by schoolmates, physical attacks in tuition because of simple mistakes). Apart from this, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at 2 yrs old, hypothyroid at 3 yrs old. Then came Hypertension at 17, depression, generalised and social anxiety at 15. Currently I am 25 (just got into therapy 2 months ago). Kept all of it inside and didn't tell her because she used to be busy and it was instilled in me that I was 'strong'. She kept saying it to me since early childhood. My dad was in the army so he wasn't around, only came twice a year for a month, and still they used to fight every time. She also has type 1 diabetes so I had to care for her whenever she got sick cause no one else was around. My father just used to get angry whenever she got sick and didn't help at all. Now I am at the point in my life that I just don't care whether I live or die, have no hope and just going with the flow whether it kills or not, I don't care. My self image is so distorted that I believe from my core that I don't deserve love. Keeping everything inside because I have trust issues with her (she reacts very negatively to my problems), my dad, friends, everyone. Never been in a relationship till now and I don't think I ever will. Any positive thing that someone says to me feels to me like they are lying, and I get so frustrated with it. I can't bring myself to feel anything positive about myself, all I see are flaws inside me. During college, I started self harm before every lecture for 3 years just to get into the mindset of studying and completing subjects on time. Still I did complete college and got a degree (B. Tech in IT). And I have a dog (1 year old) that I have been caring for the past year and he is the light of my life, but I still can't feel love from him or from anyone in that matter. I am unable to feel love from others while I constantly try to help everyone in my day to day life.

i see this as a pattern within our families. my mom and her siblings weren't brought up by any other parents. they both died early. that's why they realized early on their childhood the harsh realities of the world and did carry some issues when they become parents. i saw these patterns of my uncles having many wives, my aunts became single parent after their husband left their family for another, and my mom being physically and mentally abusive to us, her children. somehow, this is what i would consider a generational curse. i promise to myself that even though i have suffered too much from my mom, i realize that she too was just a product of not having a parent to provide for. i kinda feel sorry for her tho, idk if what i feel even is empathy. i am working on forgiving her and moving out soon. once i become a mom, i promise i would work on all of my issues before having a child and i wont become like my mother so that the generational curse will finally be done. I WILL STOP IT

"wE gAvE yOu LiFe sO yOu sHoUlD bE gRaTeFuL! wE gAvE yOu fOoD aNd ShElTeR sO yOu'Re ObLiGeD tO pAy uS bAcK!" Ah, "good" parents. Always using that to make their child do whatever they want

This makes a lot of sense. I was neglected by by parents. (They were artsy hippies who never wanted to work. They just wanted to drink/smoke and feel good all the time.) They expected me to learn everything on my own. They didn't let me starve or anything, but... they liked the idea of a child, but weren't willing to try any harder for anything. I used to go for walks. As a kid I loved to go adventuring, but I was safe. Never bothered my parents. One time, I went on a walk with a neighbor's kid, and the kid wasn't supposed to leave the block. His father was upset with me and my dad, so my Dad beat me mercilessly for the first time, ever. (I had NO idea what was wrong.) years later, I'm getting on a plane around age 14- not my first time on a plane, but my first time alone on a plane. I started crying uncontrollably, and DIDN'T KNOW WHY. My mother says to me, "What's THE MATTER WITH YOU!? You're acting like a baby!" (I know now that I was terrified to leave for fear of getting hit again.) I'm in my thirties, and to this day, I sometimes have trouble leaving the house for anywhere new. I liked doing theater as a kid, but my folks didn't care what I did. My parents did theater. i was doing theater to get closer to them. I worked my way from bit parts to leading roles. I'd invite my folks to come see a play i was proud of, and my mom would say, "Call me when you get a bigger role." So, I did. She left at intermission. her excuse was, "I get it." But, at least my folks introduced me to drugs, right!? They didn't mind DOING DRUGS with their teenaged son! Gee, I wonder why evertyhing got screwed up!? The people who were supposed to be my theater friends, peers, my 'new' family, all made fun of me and constantly knocked me down, partly because I had zero self-confidence. All through middle school till college, it was the same back-stabbing, fair-weather friends and jealous jerks. (to be fair, that's just the theater crowd, heh.) But it didn't help. Apparently, I was very handsome, attractive, talented, and charming from late high school till,... now. I didn't know it. I thought I was fat, ugly, and talentless. I had body dis-morphia, and never felt comfortable taking off my clothes in front of people, because I was always a bit pudgy and people used to ALWAYS call me out on it when I was young. My mom left me with my grandparents, who just fed me whatever. then, she says to her 10 year old son, "Why are you so FAT!?" So, of course, I dated PLENTY of manipulative, selfish, mean women just like my mom. Every one of them broke me down and pushed me around even more, just because I wasn't the cute TYPE-A personality they expected. Now, I'm filled with doubt, anger, sadness, and I feel like I missed all the good years of my life. The disdain I have for society in general, is maddening. I felt like I just let everyone down. Everything was always MY fault. MY mistakes. MY lack of understanding. I'm a self-hating narcissist, as you can see by how much I talk about myself. Maybe I barely had a chance. I nknow I need therapy, and I can reasonably deduce that I may have some version of Avoidant Personality Disorder. I'm not a violent person, but I get SO ANGRY, SO FAST. I fly off the handle, and if I don't start screaming until I'm hoarse, I start weeping uncontrollably. I still hit things. I've never hit a person or animal. Just walls, doors, and stuff. Lotta holes in my walls, and my knuckles are permanently bruised. There are more good days than bad, recently. Part of that is my fantastic fiance, but I don't want to be co-dependent on her. Digging all of this up on my own is a good start, now how do I get over it? -If you're still reading this crazy babble, thank you for your time.

God bless all of you and i believe that every soul is pristine and sublime. The world is a rough place for children and I grew up with a father who absolutely detested me and would explode and treat me like shit and laugh about and explode into fits of enraged anger. I have come along way in life with meditation, therapy, getting a degree, starting a business training in jujitsu and muy thai. I have never had a romantic relationship in my life, no kids and I’m 47. It’s been a long lonely life.. I’m hopeful when I die that things will make more sense. My heart has been hurt but I never have turned into the angry hurtful person. I try to smile and give love to everyone especially children. My heart goes out to anyone who has this difficulty durring their developmental years. I love you and wish you peace ❤

My parents are pretty strict, so that I can cope up with the real and cruel world. But eventually my home has become a battlefeild for me and i wanna escape to the real world.

I had a panic attack watching this :( Oh man this hard. I remember getting constantly grounded for crying and questioning authority and was responded that I was talking back.

I had a dad who didn't do anything to help anyone in our family let alone raise me. He's famous for not intervening when an older girl was molesting me as a child and instead acted proud of it. You can imagine the damage this has done to me. A mom who claims I was a mistake and whos angry screaming still rings in my ears and haunts me to this day. She also physically provoked me to hit her back so she could call the cops and be done with me but I never did. I couldn't fathom all the ways she was wicked to me until much later in life. Repressed it all. She kicked me out when I turned 18 anyways and I ended up homeless for a spell. I can't believe I'm still alive. 3 different suicide attempts (a long time ago and I'm good now) that I'm lucky I somehow survived. I've since found a source of unconditional love and I'm forever grateful I woke up on this rock to experience it, even if it was those two monsters that brought me here. If I can make it, you can make it. Never lose your inner child. Nourish it like your parents never did. Life can be enjoyed.

This video was painful for me to watch. I felt that my parents did their best but at the same time, I didn't really feel that deep connection that I wish we had. Now as an adult, I deal with things the best I can but I pray all children receive the love and care they deserve as innocents brought into this harsh world.

THIS strikes home. This resonated with me, so deeply. I'm an old man now, but the damage done, continues. I was unloved, as a child and I feel unloveable, still. I'm from a time, when such things, in children, were ignored! Kids cry, if they cry a lot (Are depressed) they gave them something to really cry about! You were strong and healthy, or you were...tolerated. As a kid, I was neither healthy or strong...

We're born so pure, society ruins us!!

As a kid I remember my mom saying. “You’re not going to be anything.” The second time, she told my aunt that I wasn’t going to “amount to anything” in front of me. The third time I told my mom I had goals to be “a millionaire by 30” she laughed and said “You can’t even do shit” . That’s when I realised this lady doesn’t believe in me. I had nothing to lean on for emotional growth . Today I’m 25 and been living in my car for a week. I’ve reached a breaking point. Fuck being depressed in my room and my family watching me suffer. Acting like it’s alright. Nothing but women I live with and it’s terrible

I will never have children. Considering the childhood I've had, no sense of dragging them into this world, to deal with me as a parent.

Just right after I cried the whole night because of this topic

I was raised emotional neglected and this video is so true!

I pushed my self so hard into a career pathway. I just needed the attention. I don’t even want to work in that area anymore.

My mom never hugged me, vocalized her love for me, made me do chores if I wanted food, beat me upside the head when I acted out of line, now I’m completely self efficient, responsible, and I’m not needy or high maintenance in my personal relationships thanks mom!

After my parents died, I was given a box of stuff which contained birthday cards/mother's day cards/xmas cards etc that I had given to my mum in my childhood. So many of them had messages I'd written in them saying things like 'I'm sorry I am so hard to put up with', 'I will try to be better this year' etc. It never changed anything, nothing was ever said about them. I found it nauseating reading them, I think I destroyed them (it was over 20 years ago).

Whenever I watch your videos I have come to expect my tears just rolling uncontrollably.

I'm sending a hug to everyone. You all deserve love.

Nicely put. But parents are not the only villains. Schools and teachers are sophisticated influences on a childhood, as are religions, corporations and the state. The trusting child faces many hostile, indifferent and self-interested guardians. All profess love or care, and practise control. It is a marvel that children grow up at all.

100% correct. My father abandoned me when I was a baby. He would periodically return into my life for the next 35 years to commit abuses upon me until I disowned him. He is an malignant narcissist obsessed with money, power, and possessions. Took me forever to see this about him, and to see where my shame, guilt, and hatred of myself came from. Please, if you are not 100% into raising a child you created to be a functional/happy human being then do not have children.

A lot of who we are is shaped by our childhood experiences. We've evolved to cope with life, consciously or subconsciously and sometimes, our natural coping mechanisms do more harm than good. It's important to be aware of this and use it to develop healthy mindsets that'll allow us to live fulfilling lives rather than self-destructive behaviors.

Do we ever get over this, I wonder? I’m 36. I’ve understood for over 10 years now that I was neglected. And yet I still struggle with self love

Absolutly heartbreaking. Helps me to understand the behavior of a friend, which I hope will learn to love herself with time. I'm so lucky to have the parents I have. They're not perfect, but they always made me feel loved. As a young child my mother showed me her love through words and my father (not a man able to talk about feelings) through actions. It's so sad, how much growing up unloved hurts children.

Being only child and raised by a single mom, who does not show affection in an open way. Clearly did affect my self-confidence not so bad as to hate myself but to feel un sufficient to receive love and true friendship. Anyway therapy has been really good for me and my healing process and I encourage anyone to at least given it a try, it has helped me to understand that my mother has her own problems to deal with.