How Your Childhood Effs Up Your Adulthood (Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)) 

I live by the last quote as I parent my children. 😊

100% Correct

As a person with an adverse childhood, I refuse to give up on myself. I am now a Ph.D. student at a leading institution and I will change the world.

@@OfficialTaj Yesss, you've taken your power back and have found self love to take the leaps forward. I tip my hat to you, and thank you for the inspiration. Keep on keeping on 🌻

😊

@thelife8836 it's not like this in the matriarch, the mosuo tribe in china is one, willhelm reich found 2 tribes in his book character analysis. One hostile one welcoming. Guess which camp was which - true stroy. 'Patriarchy' breeds single mums

I could have written this myself. Exact same thing happened to me. Now the woman has the gull to want to be a Grandma to my child

@@emilydowell9783 sick people. Better to stay away from them.

Average schizoid be like :

I am literally scolded and bashed for being happy, my unhappiness is people's happiness. Such a sick world

Same

Yeah that's actually insane ngl, I'd ego check the crap out of him before leaving. How many of these therapists are messed up themselves.?!!!

We were also born innocent and pure ,

You are great. Stay strong and good luck.

I didn’t know going from one extreme to another could cause damage. I was neglected, but I was catering to my child. I never let him just cry. It wasn’t in me to do that. I was told my strength was from my grandfather, and surrogate grandmother ( other side ). Had they not loved me I’d be a dead statistic from addiction too. My mother has NPD, and I didn’t realize that’s what was what it was. The best thing I did was I moved 300 miles away at age 30. After my divorce ( he NPD too ) I moved back in with my mother. HFS, I was a hostage in a car, 2 times I had to call the police on her for assaulting me. Speaking about money in the bank. I counseled on and off 20 hrs and not 1 person mentioned NPD. My friend met my mother and he said he knew in 5/10 min she had it. I looked it up( childhood ). Bingo A lay person knew but a counselor didn’t ? I told them very specific things that were from an origin of NPD. I was p/ssed.

I have an ACE score of 6. I am only 24 but I feel as if I have lived many lifetimes due to the abuse and trauma I have experienced. I want you to know that you are strong and that you deserve happiness in life

Good strategy. The world has turned adult survivors of ACE's into punching bags and items of ridicule. There's no empathy or understanding however in many ways the ones issuing these thoughtless statements are themselves unaware abused adult children. I am all for self protection. You do you.

Often those very same adults have repressed their own trauma from childhood. They refuse to face their own demons, and so feel extremely uncomfortable when they find themselves in the company of people who are more aware of their trauma and are attempting to grow past it by facing it head on. They are made uncomfortable because seeing you makes their own pain start to bubble at the surface. So they must shut you up like they do to themselves. Pay them no attention. Pity them. Move on.

@@SisypheanRoller 👍 all healing ACE survivors should congregate here for this comment. Totally agree. And all survivors should move on without a second thought.

The education system is made to break the spirit. Those who submit and let it break their souls are rewarded, those who don't are shamed and demeaned.

Your school must have sucked. I loved being at school because it meant I wasn't at home.

I do

Yes, I’ve been angry for a long time. I’m working on forgiving my abusers and more importantly working on forgiving myself for all of the stupid mistakes I’ve made due to my childhood traumas.

I understand also. Accepting that sad fact has set me free somehow. The truth matters. Feeling angry and doomed is a rotten feeling and it's hard to shake. Compulsively making choices I didn't want feels terrible. I don't want to disappoint myself anymore. I agree completely I need to forgive myself and past abuse also. The adults who were around me as a child also had their own Aces. They didn't know better

We are raised to always forgive. However, how do I forgive someone who doesn’t think they did anything wrong? I have such an effed up family. I am the oldest in my family. My parents caught all of the time. I remember constantly being woke up, taken out of bed by my mom and us leaving to go find a hotel. I always felt the need to protect my brother and sister from this. Lots of screaming and yelling. My mom actually tried to chase my dad down in a car because she saw him with another woman in his car. My brother and sister were in the car with me. Now we are all grown, my sister is a narcissist and my brother has serious anger issues. Not sure if he is narcissistic or not. My mother and father were narcissistic. My family has stopped talking to me because I tried for several years to get us all in therapy. I am a very forgiving person and have too much empathy, which is what makes people like me a target of this bullshit. I don’t feel like I am under any obligation to forgive. I tried for years to do something about this and got absolutely zero cooperation. My conscience is clear.

@@markcowen7573And this is exactly what forgiveness is all about.. it’s for YOU, not them. That your conscience is clear speaks volume. 🙌🏾

How are you working on your traumas, may I ask? How do you go about healing? I completely understand about not wanting other distractions in your life. I’m that way too. But in my case I know they will leave or die. It’s a hard thing for me to bear. My dog is 19 and he is slowing down. I’m dreading the moment I don’t have him anymore.

@juliamorgan4878 Like I said, I follow these 3 main rules: #1: Be 24/7 sober/no choices that have maybe given you long-term negative consequences, for me that is: No smoking, drinking alcohol,caffeine,drugs, overweight,tattoos, gambling etc. I even save money by choosing not to have a house, you can choose for an apartment/tiney house that will save money and that reduces stress, I even don't go on holidays & going to restaurants, because I prepare my own meals. #2: Most people unconsciously try to avoid their intern problem by distracting themselves by having relationships, marriage, having children, pets, plants, and having a lot of friends, try to be alone as much as you can, if your dog dies, don't have any other pets, because you maybe can project your own trauma on the pet and that's fked up, because I notice I can be cold against pets sometimes, I don't hit them, I have more a habit of neglected them emotionally & mentally. And once you have have a trauma it never goes a way, you can reduce the symptoms, but it never goes truly a way and it takes your whole life probably until the way your die to be a decent human being who tried to reduces her/his trauma, you need to let your ego go, otherwise it doesn't work, if you're alone, and you're truely alone by yourself you can think clearly what your problems are and believe me, it's hard & depressing work. People shame me for being a hermit, but I am much healthier than my parents and especially my mother, who never should have created kids in the first place, her mother was a schizophrenic person who runned after her and her brother with a knife, her brother drunk himself too death because of it and her mother starved herself later too death and my mother was so traumatised that she never thought clearly about if having children was a good option for her to have, she popped out 3 kids, all traumatised, one has bipolar who has traumatised me and my mother, I have an other brother we can't talk decently about our father's dead, I lost my father when I was 19 and it traumatised me and I looked at fatherless home statics and it said that you have a higher change to be depressed & drop out of school what happend for me, so this is one of the reasons why I wanna be alone the rest of my life and to not end up like my mother and the unhappy marriage my mother & father lived in. #3: Gain as much knowledge as possible to avoid long-term negative consequences: People who know me, know I read every day, and I read hard-core truth books that teach me the reality of this world, and the more I know, the more I want to be alone, because you relate less & less overtime with people, because they don't wanna help themselves out of their trauma and project that on other people, what is unethical to do. I am not a teacher, so I can't advice you truly what to do, but these 3 main rules helped me a lot, my hobbies are also: Reading (I read fictional/factual books in the English/Dutch language), writing (I write fantasy stories, poetry, philosophy & kinda like a diary style), making music on a free music website called: Soundtrap, walking in nature alone, this one helped me a lot and I made a decision to gave myself a vesectomy operation, gaming, making proper meals & sleep. It's really important for you to understand that you're traumatised, I almost went to prison probably if I didn't find help, it was so bad for me that I got help from a psychiatry that gave me 4 of his members to check what was wrong with me, because they were afraid that I would become a really dangerous person that would act on his fears & traumas, I got full whole year of extreme help, if I didn't take the initiative to find help by myself I ended up in prison probably for murder and therefore I take this extremely seriously, otherwise people needed to suffer, because I couldn't handle my own internal conflicts and that is extremely weak. And now, I am more disciplined & emotionally, mentally & physically healthier than 90% of the world population, I began to work on it on the age of 19 and I am 27 now, 8 years of extreme hard internal work day in and day out, but it was worth it.

@@erikdekker1 I like the way you think. I’m similar in a lot of ways. I love tiny houses and own a RV. I love to live simply and get out in nature. I love to read and gain knowledge about people and the world including the afterlife. I feel like I don’t have time for a lot of small talk. I have 3 people in my life right now. I’m scared of losing them too. But I love how you said once they go, don’t replace them with anything or anyone. Thank you so much for sharing this, I’m sorry that you had so many traumas, I’ve had some too. It’s best to just heal and not cause yourself or anyone else traumas in life. I wish I would have been strong enough to do this at your age. You are very wise to figure it out this young. I feel like a lot of things that are expected of people once they reach adulthood are traps. Good for you to do things your own way, this world and all of its trappings are not all they’re cracked up to be. I heard someone ask another”has ANYTHING been the way you thought it would be?” And without hesitation he said “No.” I think people overestimate how things will be and are incredibly disappointed when reality kicks in. Just my two cents worth, but I really do appreciate learning how you are managing, it gives me confirmation on my journey.

😢 I feel you..

Ironically, your self awareness may actually make you a better candidate to be a parent.

@@SisypheanRoller I did ask myself that sometimes, but then I understood that due to my own unresolved trauma, I couldn’t truly look after myself so it was much better not to risk it. Now I’m getting to the end stages of healing properly, but it’s too late. Instead I work with children to try to help improve their lives in some way, to try to improve their confidence, sense of safety, sense of self and to feel seen and heard. That’s the best I can do now.

I sense you trying to excuse your parents. There's more that kids need than good manners. My mom felt if we set a proper dinner table every night and knew what silverware to use, our family was "fine". Truth was, all us kids had stomach problems from the unaddressed stress. They should have protected you, you deserved that.

Therapy helps.

This.

Search the From Child to Narcissist playlist.

Any advice for those of us who are too broke to afford therapy but wanna heal? I feel like my early like has mostly eaten my entire life. I'm Workin hard but I just feel like I always fall down into the darkness of my earlier experiences.

Search the channel for "peer".

@@samvaknin Thanks Professor, appreciate you taking the time to answer me. I will give extra thought to this video you recommended to me. I have questioned my experiences, thinking that I have not been through such obvious traumatic events as other people have experienced. But my simple logic says that as a child I felt it was dangerous not to be able to contribute to the herd, and to be "defect" means death when abandoned by the herd.

@@basicbeatch this is exactly my question!

It’s never too late..

Thank You for sharing your improvisational method for saving your brother!🌹💗💚🍀💚🕊💎🕊 I’ve recently got a book and it reads that we can ask questions slowly to our inner-child with our dominant hand ( the hand you write with) and then write or draw the answer with your non-dominant hand. No correcting anything that is written or drawn with on the piece of paper🤗 I know that you are brilliant with your intuition and just magnificent.

​@@bernadettemcmaster4560, wow Bernadette, thank you so much, I will try. A big hello from Berlin

Search the From Child to Narcissist and the Life's Wisdom playlists.

Same girl. Please go get help ❤

You deserve it

From Child to Narcissist playlist.

Some of it can be modified.

Mine too 😢😭

Yes.

That’s a great important question. I’ve also wondered!

Watch the From Child to Narcissist playlist.

Search the channel for "aware" and for "cry".

Search the From Child to Narcissist. Mother, not father.

Search the BPD playlist.

Only if there was another maternal figure present throughout that period.

@@samvaknin You instinctively knew it was my Mother. No, there were some babysitters but my extended family was too far away. The only thing I got was a step monster right after she died. She was a narcissist.. The object permanence is the strangest thing. If I’m not with someone or talking to them, I feel like they don’t exist, it’s so bizarre.

Watch the healing and recovery playlist.

I also ask the same question

@user-Prof_Sam_vaknin_nerc Is this working? Thank you Sam