this video is sooo great. i struggled so much with making friends who were invested in me and finally realized about a year ago it was mainly because my low self esteem never let me speak about myself or engage properly with them! i would ALWAYS be ok with listening and being in the background.. i couldnt figure out WHY this kept happening. UNTIIIIL i made new friends at college and actually started sharing about myself and talking about myself without anyone asking. not in an obnoxious way ofc but just to help guide a conversation and with people i got closer with. asking them about more niche things like favourite books, shows and fashion really helped me connect with people on another level instead of just being tolerated and tolerating others! it's also great now because i can say i have good friends and friends i'm comfortable to be myself around. also i struggled with being ok to take up space and be loud but since going to the gym and forcing myself to get out more that's definitely improved and i'm forgotten about less and less! always a journey to become mroe confident however changes CAN happen and will happen when you force it to. great video!
I'm so glad you're in a better place rn, I honestly relate so much to what you've gone through, learning to get comfy taking up space can be so hard, but it's worth it fr
For me it is the opposite. I am the talker, I am the extrovert. I always ask about my friends, but I am also the only one who drives the conversation. People enjoy themselves when they talk to me, but they only know about me because I tell them about me. They barely ask me questions, they don't text me unless I text them, they don't ask me to hangout. It is so exhausting
ikr, you’re not alone. try to ask questions that are on more deeper level and that might seem uncomfortable from the first glance. BUT - not only they will realize that thats an issue for you. but your connection as well will be better. you’ll be closer. talk about your feelings. share your opinion. its not your responsibility to lead. relationship with any human - is an interaction and effort of both sides. dont try to excuse them for being introverted - because its not about this. be yourself always, and dont try to fit their vision or standard. its okay to make people feel “uncomfortable”. you dont have to please. any recommendations from your experience? im in the same boat
Yea thats a skill, but for meaningful relationships, I think you definitely should let the other person put in some effort. You don't owe them a good interaction, you don't have to make it that way. If you're in complete control of the interaction, the other person will only be expecting that. It's okay if it's not that great experience for the other person. If you give some leeway for the other person to give instead of take, I think you'll be good
I think getting over the fear of being "awkward" is important. If someone isn't putting any effort into the conversation (not doing their half), stop compensating for them. They'll either pick up the slack or stop talking to you. This doesn't have to be rude, this doesn't have to be unpleasant. Give them an opportunity to do some of the work! Allow yourself to be seen. It's up to other people to decide whether or not they like you. It's not your job to make them like you.
It’s nice that someone addressed this but here on youtube, this cozy little bubble we find ourselves in with like minded people it’s easy to understand but i can assure you… the majority of people isn’t really interested in intellectual stuff. The things i like to talk about are a bit out there although i thinking more people should ask more questions about reality and our place in this universe . No one really cares much… people go out drink and party and behave like wild animals.
I relate to that so much, I want people with whom I can debate like philosophical stuff. Most people they just talk about their love life, drink and party. There's nothing wrong with that, it's a choice. Yk you can talk about it too but there are other things in the world 🥺
I really appreciated this. Didn't know others related THIS much. I also think this happens because people are not good at conversations, as in they kinda just get stuck talking about themselves appreciating your attention so much they don't think to reciprocate questions.
Honestly, you said some things I've never heard anyone talk about before. Thank you for broadening my viewpoint. I often don't talk so i don't come off as disagreeable. I don't state my opinions because I'm afraid everyone would so easily disprove them, say they are wrong, and i won't be able to defend them. That's why i only speak when i know for a fact I'm right. That way people won't be able disprove what i say. Your video was amazing. Thank you for making it!
so what if they disagree or disprove? its not a war or battle who wins or loses. you are friends doing it for giggles. even if its just random people, express yourself because it has all the benefits. youll know yourself better, others would like you more as christina said “having an opinion is attractive and rememberable” and in the end of the day nobody even cares that much, you would either will change their perspective on the topic you spoke to wider and better one. or they would just forget it. humans are just creatures who use their tongue and brain to exist. learn to deal with them cause it will male you feel better and will be beneficial in the future
this is pretty much all i've been thinking about lately on this problem, but it's really a game changer hearing someone else talk about it, specially so clearly, and to know i'm not alone in this experience. thank you so much for this video!
Thank you for this video. I relate COMPLETELY. Im starting to make better friendships, but if this video was made earlier, i wouldve needed it even more. Im glad you were able to come to these realizations, and i hope your message reaches the people who need it like i wouldve
What cracked a lot for me was the pandemic tbh and it's the most random thing Lol. We disconnected with the world physically but then I started to play an MMORPG game and I think I sort of changed how I view conversations and interactions. It makes no sense how being an extremist in a video game translated into allowing myself to be more expressive in real life but I strongly believe it helped me be more expressive and I just lead with it irl and there was growth.
I've been looking into astrology, and my Chiron is in Gemini ♊️ sometimes I struggle to get all of my thoughts out, clearly. My thoughts and words do not always translate.
Same thing here, everyone loves to talk to me about their problems but when it's my turn nobody listen. I am a good listener but still I expect to be heard as well ;(
then make them talk. say that its hurting you to be silent. address the problem to them in the face is the first step to feeling better and upgrading relationship
@@petussuss Thing is I think it’s a me problem since it happens with different people and also I have a really hard time sharing my feelings so if you’re not gonna be really interested I am not gonna insist
honestly i didn't watch the whole vid, but just based on the title, just don't stop talking to people, you'll find the right ones. you'll only know if you don't keep trying ❤️
Or they are neurodiverse and are eigher not aware of the unspoken neurotypical social rule to ask back or use this in addition to other areas to rebel agaist the unspoken neurotypical social rules to have some justice and equalisation over how painfull it is to not being able to allign the majority expectations and what is intuitive to them
But what if a lot of times I really did talk but I noticed they weren't listening. Maybe they were but they didn't seem interested. Ik for sure we're not always interested but we show like we r interested by looking at them, by nodding, or just by saying "mmm'. What if during those times I really did talk and they didn't do any of those, didn't even respond, and sometimes they're busy doing something else. I'm sure it wasn't bc they didn't hear me. Something I would even go "hey listen to me" and still they don't. So a lot of times I just stopped talking mid way and they didn't even notice I didn't finish it. Does this happen to any of you too? I don't know the reason behind this I'm so confused. I couldn't think abt any answers aside from not everyone is as sensitive as me. Not a lot of people care as much as me.
I think asking people questions was a terrible advice for anyone who grew up on the internet. it's not how to form relationships. I think, psychologically, it also appears needy and unappealing to other young people. Injecting myself into the conversation, and learning to be unequivocally myself and not afraid of rejection, has helped a ton.
