I'll never forget attending a Christmas party where the hosts had the table all laid out with the buffet dinner. A guest who was specifically asked NOT to bring her TWO great danes arrived just as people were about to start filling their plates. The dogs immediately bounded to the table and ate the food within reach. Oh my goodness what a scene.
no, the grandparents should have said "if you want a pet free party, have it someplace else." It was the grandparents' house. They allow pets. It was the child's mother who changed the house rules. You don't get to change the rules at somebody else's house.
@@abeal49 The grandparents obviously put their grandchild ahead of the dog .. a 1 year old is on the floor maybe crawling or toddling so I get it .. and I own a dog and have a granddaughter and when she was at our house the dog was elsewhere until our granddaughter was old enough to be in charge of the dog.
My husband and I have had two beloved dogs the last 18 years. It has never occurred to us to ask if we could bring them with us when we get an invitation to someone else's home.
Let’s call this what it is: manipulative behavior. They refused to come if they couldn’t bring their dog. You traveled 2 hours with your child to see them and she stood you up. She went behind your back to talk to other family members to rally them against you… she 100% wants to have the upper hand at all times and control people. You cannot use logic to try to reason with unreasonable people. It hurts and it’s disappointing, but these people are not worthy of spinning your wheels to make a relationship happen with them.
The Term for using relatives to get to you is called Flying Monkeys or Narcissistic agents. How do narcissists recruit Flying monkeys? This is because one of the most common ways a narcissist will recruit a flying monkey is by spreading rumors, lies, and gossip. This approach is designed to target those who are eager to get involved in others' business and/or naturally gravitate towards drama, regardless of the validity of the narcissist's claims.Jun 28, 2022
Dogs are now a substitute for human relationship because there is so much trauma and dysfunction in our families and society. It's a symptom of the deterioration.
@@chrysiarose That's a good point. Well I am a bit odd in that I am a man but I like cats better than dogs. These days as toxic as society has become cats are better than people.
@@ASMR_With_Chels I have always been a cat person. Cats don't just run up to people slobbering or biting them. You have to earn a cats trust and respect. Some are friendly. Others are stand offish but at least they have their own different personalities unlike many dogs.
I absolutely love “human” names for dogs. I have a Chiweenie named Remi so not too human but had a cat named Conrad and that cracked people up. I live Rachel for a wiener dog even though it’s my moms name lol 😂
Dogs can go a lot of places....some people may want to explore what they get out of taking their dog everywhere. Like an accessory or something to hide behind. Or a way to feed off the attention that the dog gets. It is so insane to me. I adore dogs. I don't use them to feel good or get attention.
One day my colleague politely told a customer his dog would have to stay outside. He sent the dog outside with his wife, but about 30 seconds later, declared he felt unwlcome and left. To the folks who would ask, "What, did one bad experience with a dog make you ban them?" If only it was just one. Dogs have urinated and defecated on the floor. They've growled at strangers. Large wet dogs have tried to shake themselves dry all over clothing.
@@oldgeezer2780 I used to work for the post office, and although I've never really been a 'dog person', that job made me haaate dog owners. Sure a few people are good, but like the other 85% are horrible.
I know of someone who has cut himself off from his entire family,including his 90 year old mother, because his sister asked him to leave his dog home for a few hours.
@@DeepestQuotesAndWell, no one requires you to choose a human over your dog. But don’t act like you are hurt because you , WITHOUT your dog , are invited to an event.
Some of these comments on here are beyond ridiculous. The point is that she asked that the SIL and BIL respect her wishes and not bring the dog. Period. It was a request. You accommodate people that you love and care about. You negotiate these things to keep the relationship. The BIL and SIL have completely withdrawn from having a relationship with her and her husband. It is immature. Talking about issues is what solves them. I love my dogs! But if someone asked me not to bring them, I would not. People are important to me. Relationships are important to me. It doesn't matter why she asked the dog to stay back. She asked. They should have respected her wishes!!
Listen to the anxiety this woman has… Be strong in your convictions. Don’t let the feelings of an insane person add extra stress to your life. I am so much happier now that I had that realization. Someone out there will always disagree with your boundaries and lifestyle. With that being said, you still should always evaluate yourself and discuss to make sure you are being a reasonable party because we are not infallible.
She is making too many excuses. I had a MIL like this and she def did NOT want a relationship with me. She used any "little thing" for ammo. My Dad and 3 other family members died in the same month, and I had a miscarriage and she made it allll about her. These people are psycho. It is best to cut ties.
Oh my gosh lady.... LET IT GO..... move on.... she's exhausting. Honestly I wouldn't want to be around her either.... it seems like people would need to tiptoe or she'd start crying in the corner.
Exactly! That lady with the dogs sound like such a pain in the neck! I really hope the caller does not keep on trying to be friends with her or even wanting them to see her own baby because it’s clear that they don’t care and she’s just gonna waste her time and go through unnecessary stress 🤷🏻♀️
Bringing a dog to someone's house is a ask not a default. They should have asked months ahead she had not reason to tell them not to bring the dog until she found out that they were planning too. She has zero fault in this situation
Except the party wasn’t at the callers house. Is was at the in-laws house that did have a pre-standing open door policy to pets. This changes everything.
I always ask if I can bring my dog to people's houses. Dog owners should realize not everyone is crazy about your fur babies. I know this, people can be so self centered!
you can not make other people like you; you can not make other people be your friends. It has taken me a lifetime - 71 years - and lose a husband, to figure out....people either do - or don't - want to be your friend. And so we move on and find other friends... blessings on this sweet lady.
As the owner of a pet sitting business... This is utterly bananas! Even if the dog is old and infirm, you can find someone to care for the dog in their own home OR if Fido cannot possibly be left due to health issues, then one person stay with the dog. It's not like it's a cross-country road trip that takes a week! So sorry this woman has some wacky in-laws.
@@MicheleNichols2 It's not clear if you knew, but she didn't tell her SIL last minute that she couldn't bring the dog. She invited them months before she FOUND OUT a week before that the SIL was planning on bringing the dog without even asking if she could. That's the most presumptuous and inconsiderate of all.
Can so relate. My sister wanted to visit me. I live 3 hours away from her. But the time she chose was when she was dog sitting and she was going to bring the dog and I have 2 indoor cats who have never seen a dog. When I told her that was not a good idea because of the cats, she said she could leave the dog in the car. So I told her that isn't good for the dog, so I nixed the entire trip. It was ridiculous. She didn't understand and in the end, I didn't care if she understood or not. lol!
I think the people in the comments who are talking about the logistics of not being able to leave the dog at home are completely missing the point. If BIL and SIL decide to stay at home and choose the dog, that's their choice. I don't think the caller is upset about their choice. The caller is upset about the BIL and SIL being upset that they were asked to choose. And going on about it weeks/months later. And also the SIL choosing not to see them when they visited her. It's not about the dog!
To the caller: Why on Earth would you want people like that in your life? Life is way too short to deal with toxic people. These are toxic people. Period. Good riddance is what I would say. Do not waste your life-your precious time-with people like this. You owe them NO EXPLANATION for your reasons why you don't want them to bring their dog.
Yes to all this! The caller sounds like such a nice person, she does not realize that lady is soo toxic! She was going to bring her dog to a 1 year old’s party without even asking, who does she think she is!!!
We were asked once if the dog can come to spend the weekend with us when we visit. We said no! We don’t take our cat with us when we visit you! Shut the door!!
I’m 56 and as the owner of many dogs in my life, last one died in October 2021, I am done with owning dogs. I want to be free and no longer want one. I feel kind of bad but I am loving my freedom. Dogs are a lot of work and you have to plan your life around owning them and I’m over that anchor. Just my 2 cents. People, please do not take your uninvited dog to someone else’s home, ever. Not everyone feels the way that you do about your dog. Don’t be offended just respect those boundaries.
Yes and when women or people say they want dogs because there are not as much work as a child is LMAO...people just spent money and precious time in stupid pets than wont return any of that to u
Yes. If I do, it's been because he is requested. AND I go prepared for him to have a safe, quiet space in case he needs it. Also a lot of people have bratty dogs, not trained...just like bratty kids, who needs it?
The sad thing is that the poor dogs are not the issue...a lot of adults have remained as children and drag along other adults to their drama. I have learned so much from these calls
This was one of your best. Being able to understand why some people act so unreasonable. I really liked your direct answers on what she should do and can't do. Thanks.
I know how this feels. I thought I would have great relationships with my Sister in laws . Never happened. I really took it hard and wanted to win them over. Then I realized that trying so hard made me appear dumb. It felt great not to care as much as I wasn't cared for.
Some people are allergic to dogs. Some people are terrified of dogs. Same goes for people. THEY DON'T LIKE YOU. They took their ball and went home. Get over it.
Please note that we have had multiple dogs at a time ourselves. Also, there are times when we welcome dogs. Boyfriend's daughter asked to have granddaughter's graduation party at our home. Okay. We live on a large farm. We also have a 7 year old rescue dog that is not small dog friendly or great around kids. I put mine in our bedroom of the main house. He was let out several times! Many people said that it would desensitize my dog. Please leave him in the bedroom in the house. There were 8 dogs brought! They were there for the entire party. This summer we were planning a large outdoor party. When inviting people I asked EVERYONE to leave their dogs at home. Several people responded, "I know that you mean for other people. Our dog is fine." No. Then some went on to say that my dog would be okay with their dog. It's not about that. Tired of kids with food having dog problems. Tired of multiple dogs roughing it up around the 90 year olds. Tired of dogs repeatably in the food tables and trash. Tired of dog poop where people are walking. Tired of little dogs at the sit down food tables before and when we are eating. Tired of the constant yapping and barking of some. Tired of dealing with ticked off guests who argue about dogs being left in vehicles and other dogs jumping on those vehicles. Leave all the dog problems at home! We canceled the party. Took ourselves on a mini vacation. Left our dog at home in the care of son in law. The sad part is that we have elderly parents and neighbors who were looking forward to getting together. We are planning that small party now. Wish us well.
Girl, give it up! Your husband should man up and communicate with his own brother. I have a feeling that the caller is saying 'oh, okay" but will go right ahead and try to fix this anyway.
Totally about when a family member doesn’t like you but likes their dog more than you! I have a relative who’s stress therapy relief animal STRESSES me out!
I can see why people love their dogs.... But I don't have to love their dog. Personally, I don't even like dogs. And I don't want one in my house. Period. No explanation beyond that is needed.
There used to be a time in the US not too long ago that the family dog would live outside in the dog house and never entered a home. Now many are letting their dogs sleep in their beds and are smooching with them more often than with their partner, if they even still have one that is.
she is wrong for setting boundaries in somebody else's house!!! My youngest sibling did this with our parents house, my husband's sister did this with their parents' house. I even recall a coworker describing how her sister decided grandma didn't need cable TV. Grandma didnt watch much TV herself, but she wanted it so when the family visited, the young kids could watch it while the rest of them visited. But the sister had it turned off, because she was putting herself in charge of things at Grandma's house. The caller changed the rules at the in-laws house. If she wanted a dog-free party, she should have had the party at her own house!
@@abeal49had the party at her own house or AT LEAST sent the invitations with a memo that this normally pet friendly house would be just people for this one day so that the brother and sister in law could make arrangements. The caller knew what she was doing.
“ Wants her world exactly how she wants her world” exactly describes a situation with my nephews new wife. Want everything changed how we do things to suite her. Big family too, lots of moving parts. She’s cut her in-laws out almost completely til she gets her way. It’s disgusting.
We think it stems from coming from a divorced mother and father. She always got her way with them competing for her affection. What you said about being threatened by his family relationships is absolutely SPOT ON.
I remember when our children were young. One of their little friends walked in our house with her dog. Our two cats pounded on that little dog and it went screeching and running out of our house.
It would be like when you're invited to a wedding and no kids are welcome....do you just not go because you're offended? No...it's their venue and the cost would be so expensive to have everyone's kids there as well. No big deal.
We just attended an adult only wedding (aside from flower girls) and it was cheaper bc you don’t have to put as much in the envelope (Italian wedding) 😂
I get these dog owners feeling it’s an extension of themselves. My sister is like that. He has to come. But … I’m sure the dog isn’t allowed in certain restaurants and events etc. So they have no choice but to understand! For that reason I can’t give them a free pass.
I'm 60, divorced, and my 3 black labs are my kids. But, when there is a family event, I take them to the boarding kennel. Its expensive, but its the right thing to do. The in-laws are manipulating. If it's not the dog, it will be something else next time! Always something!!!! Welcome to married life, surprise! My ex in-laws were all that and worse. I want to marry again, and will definitely look into the family dynamics more next time. If this lady's husband won't talk to his brothers about this, he needs to grow a pair.
Andy , people will run rough shod over you if you are this jittery about your own boundaries. Don’t second guess yourself. And dr John is right . Your husband should speak to his brother ONE ON ONE
I’m guessing sister-in-law sees her as competition. Not family. That’s unlikely to change, especially if mother-in-law is pushing her to cave in and make peace where she shouldn’t have to. Brother-in-law shouldn’t be allowing his fiancé to behave this way either.
To be fair, the brother-in-law has no need to “allow” his fiancée behave in any way. She chooses her own behavior. I’m curious as to how he communicated the fact that his girl was ditching them for brunch. I mean, was it factual, or was it a weaponized announcement? Regardless, the people with the baby need to let it go, as though nothing ever happened. Behave cordially and include them in your lives as is normal for a distant relative, but leave it lay. Let them be who they want to be. People who are upset that their dog was disinvited 🤷♀️
I'm voluntarily childfree and not a big fan of kids. I have 2 people who I would leave my dogs at home to see their children because I love them that much. But I would never hold a family hostage over my choice. Be whoever you are, but if you have weird boundaries own them and speak plainly, don't bring people into unnecessary drama!
Good grief…. Andy, you’re not wrong here. You’ve been perfectly reasonable and I’m sorry you’re brother in law is a wimp and your future SIL is a huge child but this is NOT worth the drama they’re causing. This is a red flag to keep this drama out of your life. John’s right here- If they wanted to patch things up they would.
Dog owner here. Dogs don't come to work, friends' or families' houses unless invited. I think sister-in-law jealous over baby. It's very hurtful not to go to your niece's birthday.
Yea! Sounds like she’s the type of lady to bring her dog everywhere and enjoys getting attention because of her pet, and people liking her dog probably starting conversations about it and now that the caller’s baby was going to be the main attraction she couldn’t stand it 😂 But again, this really isn’t about the dog, she is just using her pet as excuse
Yes! Definitely! The caller kinda meant to talk about that, but John didn’t let her because like he said that was NOT point! She was asked to not bring the dog period.
So funny that she wants to apologize when the sister in law is the one who should because missing the bday of your family your niece over a stupid dog is insane
It is not the caller’s responsibility to make everybody happy - not future sister-in-law, not the in-laws. Please follow Dr. D’s advice and have the two brothers discuss the situation without the two women being present. It could be that future SIL doesn’t like the caller because she’s too intense about being liked/accepted by everyone she meets.
I have 4 brothers 2 of their wives instantly hated me and strained the relationship with my brothers the other 2 wives was instant best friends and made the relationship with my brothers better. If they don’t want to like you there is no making it work.
Issues of the dog aside, it's the cold shoulder and refusing to talk it out that's the bigger concern, especially when it has the effect of blowing up an entire extended family. My dad's extended family would do this, they'd cut off people for years at a time over slights the other one may not have realized they did or minor compromises individuals refused to make. It was exhausting trying to plan any event because nobody could keep up with who could be around whom. Quite heartbreaking really, as they could have been a huge happy family. To this day, I know little about my dad's side of the family and feel I'm missing out on half my heritage.
I'm going to disagree with Dr. John on one point. I do not think the BIL & SIL *chose their dog* over the Caller's daughter. An invitation is not a summons. The Caller set a reasonable boundary (No you may not bring your dog to our party) and the in-law's actually respected that boundary by not attending. They fact that they're still making drama about it 2 months later is another issue.
I am a human who considers my dogs like my children and chooses them over most people. That said, her sister in law is crazy!! Either that or there's some other drama going on there. Good lord. Choose your hills to die on people.
My sister-in-law and her scary dog lived with my inlaws when my father in law was over 90 and dying of stomach cancer. Hospice had to write a letter telling sis to please keep her dog contained or their staff wouldn't be able to come in to provide him care. Her response was that Hospice needed to understand that they were caring for the whole grieving family and the dog was a member of the family. Also that if the dog needed a fenced yard then her father or brother could build a fence.
What is so hard about crating the dog while the healthcare workers are there? My German Shepherd loved it when the medical workers came to the house to care for my elderly friend but I always put him in the gated other room when they were expected so they could do their job. Then if they wanted to say hi to him they could do so when they were finished they could.
I love my dogs, I cater my schedule around doings things with or without my dogs, some family get togethers my dogs come, others they don't. People need to grow up.
The problem with people treating dogs as human beings 🤦🏻♀️. She is either insane, or she is using the “situation” to manipulate to make her attention met. Or she is using it as an excuse to not make a big expense with a gift or travel expenses.
It's part of a larger problem. Dogs for many people are more and more becoming surrogate children and spouses but supposedly with less hassle. Dogs used to be living in the dog house in the yard loyally guarding the property. You didn't take your dog into your own house never mind bringing a dog to someone else's house for a party unannounced.
As a dog owner, I always ask if my dog can come over if I think it won’t be a problem. If I know it’s gonna be stressful to bring my dog, I won’t even ask. And if I’m asked to not bring my dog, I don’t bring my dog. Have respect for peoples homes and wishes. The dog will survive at home for a couple hours alone. These people are selfish people for choosing their dog over their niece/nephew. I love my dog. But she is never chosen over family.
We don’t have dogs, my husband does not like dogs…I have two different friends who have been invited over for a visit and without any discussion they just showed up with their dogs. I just dealt with it the first time and then had to send them the awkward text the next time I invited them over and had to say “hey, I love X, but we don’t have a dog friendly home right now, so I’m going to have to ask that X not come with you. Let me know if there is a time you need to be home for her and we can hang out at a different time”. It absolutely BLOWS MY MIND that people presume to bring their dogs into other peoples homes uninvited.
Andy is ANNOYING me....She's not listening to anything Dr. D is saying... GIRL! That sister in law doesn't like you. Grieve that and keep it pushing. All this " I feel like.." What!? She's showing you 🤷🏽♀️
She drove 2 hours to meet someone, was blown off, and still blaming herself. She’s a people pleaser and I kinda wish Dr. John had honed in on that more. But still a great call
I'll never understand why people get so strung on what people think. I have my spouse, daughter, and parents, everyone else I assume is wishing cancer on me or spreading lies when I'm not around. I'm completely indifferent to what anyone other than those four people say or think about me.
The only way you get to take your dog everywhere is when it’s a fully trained and officially certified service dog which fully qualified and licensed health professionals have officially deemed necessary.
I have one dog and three cats and they all stay home when I go out! Ignore these people! If they skip parties that you are attending, that is on them. They sound like people who make a party better when they don’t attend!
Well, given that there is distant travel and short notice for alternative accommodations, THAT would have been kind of inconsiderate. I agree, the boundaries you set are your boundaries, but you can be considerate about it.
i would never think I could just bring my dog to someone else's house. why arent people asking? i wouldn't bring my dog to my parents house without asking first. crazy world we live in where people just think they can do whatever wherever
That lady is clearly very hurt and desperately wants to repair the broken relationship between her brother-in-law and his girlfriend. What Andie needs to know is that there was no relationship. to mend and in all likelihood, the dog was the excuse her future sister-in-law was looking for to break off any further contact with a person she clearly doesn't like. If it wasn't the dog it would have been another reason. Driving for two hours for a no-show, was ridiculous, and should be enough for anyone to simply let the matter go, it's just not worth it
Also I would say, her husband is the brother right, so yes they need to have a conversation and of course keep their relationship healthy but that doesn’t mean her and the lady( the dog owner) need to be friends and like each other. The caller just needs to understand that.
That's right. I wouldn't want a nutcase like that around my child anyway. If someone rejects my child ONCE, it's over. Not coming to the party was crap behavior.
FYI - this WILL get worse. Sadly, your SIL will destroy your husband’s relationship with his brother. Plus you will have extended family fallout from this dynamic. You need to listen to JD. This SIL is super controlling, has insolvable issues & will inevitably cause ruptures in extended family dynamic. It is not rational and cannot be healed or fixed. Acceptance and grieving is best path. Anything else makes it worse.
Does the sister in law and her husband have children? Is it possible that the "something deeper part" is that you have a child and they don't and the dog is a child substitute?
My thoughts exactly. Although the sister and brother in law are yet to be married and intending to marry so then I doubt they have been trying to have children for years. Either way, it’s definitely “something deeper”
Some dogs have severe separation anxiety and can't be left alone for even 2-3 hours. If that's the case with their dog, they wouldn't want to leave him in a kennel and leaving him alone for a minimum of 6 hours (a two-hour drive each way, plus the time spent at the birthday party). P.S. I beg to differ from John on this: the fact that the party was held at the in-laws, who do welcome dogs to their house, something the caller overrode, matters. I don't think the dog owners would have minded it nearly as much, or at all, if it had been the caller's own house, where she's fully entitled to set the rules. I think the in-laws get this.
