Also, so amazingly wonderful to see a therapist who is willing to do things differently in order to help her clients! I seen a LOT and this is a rare trait.
I’m 22 years old now and understand what the barriers are for dating on the spectrum but when I was in high school I definitely did not but wished I had Though I could make friends okay
I am about to get out of highschool never had a friends except the ecasenal person acting to as the are a friends just so the could make fun of me school suck especially if you are a autistic boy with no friends
I'm 25 and still have very little dating experience and pretty much absolutely no experience when it comes to having an actual romantic relationship. I grew up most of my life not knowing I was on the spectrum so that made me having expectations on myself in high school and college like I must find a gf before I graduate or I will be a loser. What also fueled these toxic expectations was that whenever I went to visit my Dad's one of the questions I would always get asked was "do you have a girlfriend yet?" And my answer was always no and it created this stigma that I'm a disappointment if I can't find one. I still would like to be able to have a romantic relationship even though I still struggle with thoughts and feelings that I will be forever alone, especially with how my life is currently. This was a great video and it helped made me feel that there's still at least a little hope and that I'm not alone with these struggles.
Same here dude, I'm 26 and got diagnosed at 23. I never had the opportunity to find useful resources to help while I was younger and even now seem to be closer to the adolescent stage of life when it comes to understanding others. Maybe that means I will finally start understanding how to date in a way that gets people to stick around. My obsession with having a relationship came from my best friend who was always dating somebody and it seemed to come really easy for him. Also, my other best friend was the interest of all the girls but he didn't ever really want to date. So I was always wondering how they did it because I wanted someone to love me too. I've had some major breakthroughs in understanding others just today after many years wondering what my biggest block was and I'm feeling better than ever about it. I hope you can work through your struggles in the near future too.
Yep. There is a need to share some similar interests. I have friends who always go out for coffee and meals. I dont get that. I have coffee and food at home. I dont want to pay extra to have food and coffee and be somewhere that is noisy and peopley. My counsellor is always suggesting ways i could go out and be social. I keep thinking Yeah. Im sure there are also lots of ways to torture myself too. But Im not about to get involved in that. I had a friend for about 5 years and i thought we got along great and shared similar interests and i enjoyed hanging out with them. Then about 2 years ago they started to be nasty to me and ghost me and claim i was the reason for the issues. I tried to sort out how to mend the relationship for ages. It has taken me so long to get anywhere near recovered from all that went on with that friendship breakdown. Id guess the average person would look back on the 5 years of fun things we did and see that as a great time and worth having the friendship. But i just think it is 5 years of my life that i wont get back. Im not about to get hurt like that again.
I’m sorry you had to go through that. I went through the same crap recently too, multiple times over. It is a horrible experience and so frustrating. I can see why you would feel your time together with your friend was a waste of time. But i try to tell myself not to soil those good past memories with the current sad feelings, like not ruin it like the friend did. Those good times I’m sure you enjoyed at the time. So I would leave those memories be. We will find better friends in the future. We’ve learnt from these awful experiences and so that can only help. Best of luck
Honestly I have Aspergers and have had Sexual adventurous experience as fun and enjoyable on in intimacy level than I ever had on the dating side or romantic side of things. Dating or the romantic side of things just didn’t click for me to even begin with. However as I am aware that there are boundaries that needs to be met obviously to achieve it, it’s also a hell of a lot more challenging to find a significant other that matches your critique or what you want not just from your partner but for yourself to know what you want
Omg I always acted shit out I'd seen in films. I thought other kids would think i was cool if I told them to eat their greens then jump off down the play apparatus in the playground like spiderman
people have a right to their opinion, people are entitled to their opinion, but i've long felt that autism will affect mens dating lives a lot more than womens dating lives, due to the status-quo, gender role, that guys, men, are expected to make the first move or talk to women first, ask them out first, escalate with them, etc.
nah, honestly, as a woman i just found out i was aspie, and all my life, sure people have been crazy attracted to me, but my social ineptitude and confusion made it so i'd be known as a ruthless heartbreaker i still dont understand dating and couple bs trying out these days, but whoah... it's a mystery- and it's not granted just cuz you're a girl
@@initiatorhater0688 the dbt skill "check the facts" might be useful for you. I score really high on the AQ & I always approach first because I don't know how to tell men are flirting with me lol, if you watch videos from aspie women on RU-vid they all say similar things. We can't be sure about anything until we "check the facts" ❤.
Hey Dan, have you heard of TMS (Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation). It's great for lowering the amount of anxiety and depression you have. It reduced my anxiety by a lot and I am better able to deal with any anxiety I still have. Not sure if they have that in Wales. Sorry if this isn't related to the video here.
It would be so awesome if you could please remove the background music from this video. 🙏 I can't focus on the conversation.. idk if anyone else is having this issue?
I gave up dating for 18 years, and just focused on working. I just couldn't handle both. Now that I am retired, I am trying to figure dating out again. I don't think NT's can deal with me needing to be alone 90% of the time. It's hard to fit other people into my routine.
@@isimonsez Oh, no. I'm so happy being by myself. It's quiet, I do what I want, when I want. I don't have to negotiate over every little thing with anyone else. I love being by myself. I am my own best company. I do things that make me happy for the first time in my life, instead of doing what others want me to do.
I'm autistic don't know if I could ever be in a relationship but don't think that will.make me give up I mean feel bad ain't going to help anyone so yeah I'll get there eventually or I'm just a good lier who knows
I've had only one relationship in my life. Ehhh...it didn't go well, I wasnt the best person and I don't know what the hell to do for some instances. I think it's a one and done for me, just the concept of relationships are weird.
what if your 66 and never Had or been IN a relationship,? never heard anyone talk about that...guess I'm the only one. As far as it being a numbers game with 20 chicks coming up to me on the dance floor every week been able to eliminate the possibility that not enough interacting with ladies especially when they leave the bar with the guy who walked up to them after I did again and again as a constant reminder it's a me thing.I'm really into colors and very well coordinated , other than that descriptions of Aspergers fits me to a T
@@Psyrenlyrics 68 nowI took up drinking and smoking 8 months ago, still got 20 chicks coming up to me every week clubs makes it easy to walk away when they start grinding on me
Hello, I have a question What is your best advice to cope with stress and anxiety? I have been struggling with anxiety and stress and if something unexpected happens like an unexpected substitute teacher that doesn’t understands me and my struggles i can end up having a panic attack, shutdown or a meltdown and they end up calling more teachers in because they don’t understand what is happening with me and it just makes it worse How can I tell my teachers and substitute teachers what to do in these situations?
For the specific situation you cited, I recommend informing the school, in some manner that you are comfortable with, about your condition. Maybe you talk to the teachers quietly, or have a friend do it for you, or have a standardized letter summarizing your situation that you discretely give the teacher. It seems to me that in your hypothetical your main concern is the teacher being ignorant of your condition. The solution then seems to be to inform them. Good luck!
Hello,I have had this question for a while, but I was wondering if you can play that electric guitar that's in the background of most of your videos? Sorry it's unrelated to this video.
@@TheAspieWorld that's really really awesome!! I never knew that haha!!! I've been subbed for a while but I never knew,I don't know if you've mentioned it but that's awesome,I'll definitely check you guys out!! I feel bad that I didn't know lol.
Is there any way you can adjust the audio in this video to either turn her voice volume down or turn your voice volume up? Because your voice is much quieter than hers and i end up having to constantly adjust the volume every time it changes from you being the one talking to her being the one talking and vice versa
I would love to have an appointment video chat with dr ali im 31. Its largely to do with subconcious programming, i know that depending on how far you are on the spectrum have more negative self talk which incfluences your mood, behaviour and socialbility. But if you can change it to positive self talk confidence it'll be alright. Affirmations work to. Hikki has no backward buttom if you made a mistake you cant go back, its just like tinder, the devs would need to fix that.
@@sixthsenseamelia4695 Agreed-- I HATE romantic comedies more than just about anything, and the people I know who expect/want that in real life confuse me. I want a relationship like Anna and Kristoff in Frozen 2: support me but give me the space I need to my thing.
I wonder what your take is on the following and why you still use the Aspergers label. I am diagnosed with ASD and been told that my 'traits' would be considered aspergers if that was still a diagnosis but since I've read more about on the reasons why it's not a diagnosis anymore I will not use that label anymore. It's best explained in this article: @t
Neurotypicial first gave aspergers a name. If psychologist not did research on ASD level 1 we wouldn't know what's wrong with us. The late DR Lorna Wing first coined the phase aspergers syndrome in 1981. NT were important in autism awarness studies. Sometimes I think I was better off never knowing what aspergers was and just live a life different without a label.
Thank you for sharing. Ironically, I ended up on this channel wondering if this has been my issue for my 45 years of life. Resonating comment section makes me feel as though I am on the right track. Just before reading your comment - had the thought "do I need or want this label or should I just love & live who I am?"
It's true that we don't need the label, but we do need to better understand our neurological traits, because they have a lifelong impact on the ways we can -- and cannot -- be. I don't insist on being called "autistic", I just want to understand myself better, and a great deal of knowledge about that lies right underneath this, well... label. It's also kind of inevitable to be stuck with an awkward name for it, but we should not let that negative aspect get in the way of self-knowledge.
It is a very personal matter as to whether or not one should be labelled. I personally need a label for validation, protections and supports but fully get it when less affected autistic people prefer not to be labelled given the stigma and misconceptions.
I'm sorry, I never usually dislike videos but this was completely and utterly unhelpful. Your title says you are going to offer advice. You proceeded to not ask any advice. Basically this entire talk should have taken place after this podcast because all you talked about was your own life and getting feedback on your course. There was no advice given, and you didn't actually well utilize the specialist's time. You monopolized the conversation when you should have just let her talk for awhile. I can appreciate some of your other videos but this one was particularly bad.
The Aspie World (we need to watch) well we don't need we choose to watch. Your obsessed with click bait titles for you tube alga rhymmn. The video called have just me called I got expert advice for aspergers relationships. Which is great it's your video title are alga rhymmn friendly. Which is annoying.
It wasn't pleasant sitting across the table, with my boyfriend whose Asperger's he pulling out his eyebrows and eating them, not chewing his food, and putting his nose up at vegetables eeewww not so pleasant.
@@rfishrfish4242 I just assumed she meant she has ADHD and was having a moment, especially since she mentioned it twice. I have both and it sounded like something I would say.🤷♀️ I could be wrong, but I try not to assume other people's neurotypicality, or lack thereof, because I really don't like when people do that to me.
