there is something very cathartic about seeing this over-achieving "that girl" fail and make a video where she edits sad music over herself not getting into a phd program. true schadenfreude
I got into PhD programs at Stanford and Yale. I joined Stanford and was extremely miserable and dropped out after a year. I ended up having to admit to myself that I was really just doing a PhD for the name recognition and prestige associated with the name "PhD" and the name "Stanford". The tenure track is absolutely horrible and soul-crushing, and the job prospects are paltry. Instead, I took a completely non-academic path (into tech) and am so much happier for it. It's been 7 years and I haven't regretted my decision of moving away from academia for good on even 1 day of those 7 years. It wasn't easy for me at first, but I've slowly come to terms with the fact that I'm not the kind of person who can follow a linear career path. But the cool thing is that successful careers of people we admire were almost all nonlinear. Success doesn't actually seem to be built from a series of degrees and/or jobs that "just made sense in succession". Btw, PhDs take way longer, are way harder and offer way fewer and less diverse opportunities than writing a book. Write your book, fuck a PhD! Your book idea sounds really interesting, I'd buy it (and then people would see it on my shelf, then find your RU-vid channel, then tell a friend about you, etc.)
As a law student here, just want to say we look up to you regardless of the result. We love you and thank you for sharing with us your journey. You have helped A LOT of people!
Many of us look up to you! You make a lot of great points: “I have to remind myself, just because something is available, just because something is hard, something is an achievement, it does not mean that you want it, and it does not mean that it is right for you.” I am sure many can relate to this!!
Thank you for pointing out how people tend to associate failure as a waste of time, that mentality really is very toxic and it stops us from learning from our mistakes and give up before we really can become a master at something. The way you faced your failure and really took time to reflect and learn from it is actually very inspiring! Thank you for sharing such a difficult experience I really learned a lot from you!
It sucks when everyone believes in you even more than you, yourself. Sitting with your emotions is so sooo important. Just know that this one decision doesn't define you. All the best for your future, keep on working hard! :)
Pretty sure people believe in you because the opposite would be socially unacceptable in an overwhelmingly culty community like law. As long as it doesn’t hurt them, they have nothing to lose but to help you - no reason to feel like you let them down.
girl, that program must be literally impossible to get into if even you didn’t get in. thank you for sharing, and wishing you all the best on this journey sans safety blanket 💕
You teach at Yale and didn’t get in? They must not want to give a faculty discount. What does it say about an institution that a person seemingly qualified to teach there wouldn’t get accepted into their own PhD program?
Thanks for posting about your journey. It must have NOT been easy to share your rejection when you yourself are grappling with it. Kudos to your bravery, I feel your social media outreach is probably MUCH more impactful and modern than a stuffy Yale PhD. Keep up the hard work, I’m rooting for you!!
@@andreasophia7764 To be fair, to prepare for my PhD training, I started doing research in undergrad, and had been doing research since then (10+ years, 5 years full time). I am also in the applied field (social work & public health) and did thousands of practice time. I had faculty said during interview 'you are exactly the type of trainee we wanted' and got rejected (the faculty then reached back and offered a research job). They accepted someone with similar interests who are already an associate clinical professor teaching in that university for years (they also accepted people without publications or teaching experiences, it depends on the fit of the candidate as well'. Acknowledging that law PhD is very different, PhD is a lifetime commitment, it is very competitive, and it requires a lot of luck (e.g. if that associate professor did not apply that cycle, I might get in). And this is Yale we are talking about. She had amazing experience, background, personality, but she did apply sort of last minute and only to one program.
Rejection is God's protection. I was rejected by a PhD project I really, really, really wanted to do but looking back now, I cannot believe that I wanted to follow such a path. I'm now in industry and making more than I ever could have in academia. It can be a blessing in disguise! God bless.
why are we always bringing God into situations like this....it could be Gods protection like you said but it could also be Satans work....right? Lets not bring God into this
Sending you lots of love, Cece. I know you’ll find your path and I’m so excited to see what your journey will be like. Thanks for being an inspiration ❤️
Thank you for posting something so personal and raw. I recently discovered your channel, and you’re such an inspiration. I can also relate so much as an Asian American, and this video reminds me to stay grounded, not to take rejections so personally, and that even someone as amazing as you has faced setbacks in life, but are still thriving.
This video is gold. ❤️❤️ It even helped to put into words some of the feelings that I have had before and didn’t quite know how to articulate. And I think you are right where you need to be to bring the most positive impact to the world, as well as live out your passions, through your videos and your book. The sky remains your limit. All the best ❤️❤️
This is so important! Failures are still experiences that make us who we are! This is something that has been so hard for me to contend with as I’ve watched my dreams and future transform (much to my discontentment), but the time we put into things matter, even if we don’t end up achieving what we hoped at first. Thank you for always being so vulnerable with your following. You’re absolutely an inspiration!
So articulate, strong, intelligent, and inspiring even in the face of "failure"/rejection. Thank you for sharing what you went through and being open and vulnerable
thank you for speaking of your story & the struggles you face - i resonate with so much you talked about! you have been such an inspiration to me in my law school journey - can’t wait for your book
Thank you for sharing such an intimate moment. That was such a vulnerable moment, but it demonstrates how incredibly powerful you are especially in the legal world where there always is some kind of pretense that everything is ok (currently in law school and that is ALL I see). I’m sure that wherever you decide to go, you will certainly flourish with such pure and honest intentions 💗
Cece, there's little to be learned from "winning" and "success" and everything to be learned when things don't go our way. Your video shows great reflection and self-awareness and this will hold you in good stead throughout your life. Keep forging ahead, listening to your intuition (not necessarily what your mind is telling you) and you will continue on an amazing and fruitful path. Looking forward to hearing more updates throughout your journey!
Sending you the biggest love and hugs. I always believe that if the door you wanted doesn’t open, it just means that there will be a bigger door for you even if you might not know what it is now. You did your best and you know it!
Thank you for being vulnerable through sharing your experiences top to bottom and wanting to explain it as well. This is something that will be a constant reminder to me as well that just bc I work so hard for something and want it so bad but don’t get it doesn’t mean that “my world is over.” I grew up like you and that’s how I learned to approach “failure” such as this. Bc in reality, we can look at sooooo much other options if we pivot and open our eyes to them. One door closed is another door opened. See this as a either an emphasis on what you trully want or a guide towards somewhere where you didnt think to look before or had a closed mind about or didn’t see before. It’s really a journey. A journey of growth and just that. Nothing is a failure about it. Love this and your videos!!!!
Thank you for this video. I'm going through a similar situation as you currently, so seeing your videos are helping me out a lot. Of course I wish the best for you, but I am so glad to know that I am not the only one who faces rejection. Love your vids💜
This takes true bravery!!! I’m a little stunned by your honesty and composure - believe it or not, this video will truly support many many students - bless you! Sending you love 💖❤️🩹
You're amazing - keep it totally real. I went through the same thing when I failed the bar exam. The range of emotions from shame to regret to embarrassment was a lot but recognizing it is half the battle.
Girl the bravery exhibited here! I have an adverse reaction to most kinds rejection, so I could not see myself being so transparent! This is amazing for someone like me to see because it shows that even if you’re qualified or overly qualified that does not guarantee that others will see or honor it. I am obsessed with your content and it seems like we may not have a lot in common but your calm energy (or I read your energy as calm) has been helpful during a period of mourning. Please continue to share your triumphs and pits with us (if you’re willing to) because your story is operating as chicken noodle soup to someone’s soul. 💜 Thank you so much.
CeCe I am so glad that you posted this video, even though this is not the final result you expected. It was so refreshing to me to hear someone I look up to speak about failure and how it makes them feel. I am also an anxious person and have a lot of deep rooted emotions when it comes to hearing I wasn't accepted (school, work, etc.). Thank you for being you and I can't wait to see more videos.
Thank you so much for this video, really impacted by your words and the way you identified and shared your emotions in such an honest way. I know without a doubt that much is ahead for you. Really with you and hear you on safety blankets and what it means to start a new chapter without one. Your content is making a big impact on the lives of so many!!!
This is exactly how I felt going through the law school admissions process and it’s comforting to see that I’m not alone in those feelings. Your comment on social media and feeling like nobody else gets rejected is such a huge problem for me as well. Thank you so much for sharing this experience and being so real about it! Good luck on what you have planned next, I am so excited to continue to watch you grow on your journey!!! 💖💖
Sending you so much love. You’re so amazing and you will find your path. This is no indication of how amazing and intelligent you are. Be gentle with yourself💕 I’m so glad you have such a supportive partner. This will hurt, but this will not be the end.
hey, just wanna say, I’ve just found your channel and I have to say I absolutely love your videos, they’re so skilfully edited to deliver their message, and they’re definitely inspiring, and have resonated with me so much as an applicant to competitive degrees in uni this year. speaking out about your feelings out loud, let alone putting it on internet is definitely not easy, but I really appreciate it. keep it up and all the best on your author journey!
Thank you so much for sharing your feelings surrounding the “application being rejected”. I have a similar internal dialogue and tend to feel ashamed, disappointed in myself, and low self-worth when I don’t achieve something to the level I envisioned. I love that you go over every emotion and why. That you reframe these negative thoughts. It’s the advice I’ve always needed to hear.
I am really proud of you for being so transparent in your process. So many people are reluctant to share their behind-the-scenes (myself included!) and do not realize that it truly will help others!! Onward and up! :)
hey cece- thanks for sharing how you reframe your thinking, and similar to many of the other people commenting on here, i can say that it's very helpful to watch you clearly articulate the process. Especially across videos i.e. application to now. Lastly, at the end of this video, when you say the safety blanket has been pulled away and you're facing the unknown; I think that's such a cool insight to reach (one that could easily be avoided by most people). i can only imagine the amount of courage it would take to acknowledge that. i feel weirdly/parasocially proud as a viewer haha
Thank you for showing this!! As a current law school applicant who has gotten rejected from a couple of schools, this reminded me that we’re still great people who have great futures despite the rejection
I really commend you for posting this-I really related to so many things you talked about and it's nice to know other people feel the same way. thanks for sharing
Thanks so much for your transparency and vulnerability. I'm awaiting decisions on a few Masters' programs and the idea of reconciling with the possibility of failure (especially as an overachiever) has been difficult. It's really refreshing to see someone talk about the aftermath of these decisions in a way that positively reframes for our benefit.
Girl, you can now use all your time to do amazing things that would actually impact real people’s life instead of trying to please your supervisors and gatekeepers of the ivory tower, and burn out. Going through a PhD program was my worst nightmare and I wish I didn’t do it at all.
I really appreciate you sharing your results. Rejection in any form can be so impactful and damaging to our spirits. I look forward to seeing what you do next!
thanks so much for sharing this 💕 it honestly really helped me. I applied to dental schools this past year and all I’ve received are rejections. It makes me feel like I’m not good enough for sure and it’s a lonely process. This made me feel like I’m not alone ❤️ you’ll get in when you’re supposed to. I believe in you!!
Thank you so much for uploading this video. I am in the process of law school application. I got rejected by some reach schools, some target schools, and some safety schools... Rejections hurt so badly, which made me doubt myself. I could not imagine that an applicant like you also face the same issue. This is healing and inspiring.
Thank you for sharing. I recently went through a big failure and I had a really hard time coping as a high achieving individual. I think high achieving individuals struggle a lot when they haven’t felt failure or rejection early in life. This does not define your self worth. It is extremely competitive and it does not end your journey to change your path. You will figure out your next steps. Have faith in yourself. You are worthy and amazing!
Hey Cece I was the one that tagged you in the tiktok video! So glad that it was helpful for you during this time. I know it’s easier said than done when shifting our mindset on overcoming rejection but I want to say how proud I am of you for embarking on this journey anyways and sharing it with all of us. 💕
THANK YOU FOR DOING THAT!! i didn’t want to just out you on youtube but really really appreciate your tagging me in that ❤️ what a great mindset shift, and it really got me thinking-all the way into this reflection video :) thank you so much for your support!!
Thank you for sharing your raw emotions and experiences. This was very moving and inspiring for me to watch. 💚 I’m currently trying to finish my PhD but am in a rut and think about giving up every day. You made me remember how badly I wanted this in the beginning and how rejections are just a part of the process. Your small setback has led to inspiring many others, including myself, and your authenticity and transparency will reward you leaps and bounds without a doubt. Thank you again and take lots of care :)
Thank you for being so genuine and sharing such an vulnerable but also inspiring moment, Cece. I learned so much from you and your videos. Also, you mentioned about writing a book, I CANNOT WAIT to read it one day!
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. So refreshing to see a candid response to disappointment, even if you prepared for it. Also, so nice to see both your vulnerability and your partner’s support of you and your goals. I know from my own disappointments, that they can sting and depress but in the end, they lay the boundaries to the path that will eventually lead to your happiness. You just need to keep moving.
Love this. Just came across your channel and hearing your story. Excited to tag along on your journey and hope to get your book when it drops! Keep creating
You needed this at this time. This will help you more than you will ever know, the most amount of growth comes from these set-backs. It will also help you become a more compassionate and self-aware
you are such an inspiration. i'm so sorry you didn't get in but now theres so many possibilities when you aren't tied to school work...keep making videos, i love how raw and honest you are! it is refreshing and i think your channel is going to grow and be super successful !
Thank you for sharing, it's brave of you to allow us insight into not only the highs but the lows of your journey. This video gave me courage as I am similarly applying to Law school in Edinburgh. Fear of rejection is a big factor and without your videos I don't think I'd be applying in the first place. So again, thank you and I'm sure your next adventure will prove to be the right one for you!
I was rejected from a PhD a few years ago. Turned out to be a blessing in disguise as I am very happy and find the idea of focusing entirely on one topic for many years to be daunting. Keep your head up!
Thanks so much for drawing the curtain back on the experience of rejection, which is all too often glossed over in the professional narratives we’re constantly force-fed. Emotion and professionalism shouldn’t be framed in opposition to one another and you’re helping to break that false dichotomy, which is so refreshing to see. You should be incredibly proud not only for navigating this process with such grit and determination but for blazing a new frontier for yourself and others online! I know you’ll continue to accomplish amazing things ♥️
keep your head up, you should be so proud of yourself for trying. the best things in life are always the unexpected ones and I’m a huge believer in this!
Your honest view and analysis are next level and are teaching us something as life lessons. Despite your outstanding academic achievements and professional career, you show us you still want to preserve in other avenues for your research ideas. if there is a will, there is a way. You are an inspiration.
When I saw your video about quitting your job to do something risky, then finding out that you were applying for a PhD, something didn’t feel right there and I’m glad you’ve made that realisation too about the PhD being a safety blanket more than anything. Honestly, a tenure track sounds way more glamorous than it actually is. You don’t need a PhD to get your book written. Academia treats students and post docs like trash in most institutions. Whilst I don’t regret my PhD experience, I know for sure I only really applied for it and stuck to it for the safety blanket reason as well as the reputation, which are not great reasons at all. Four years on I am honestly so grateful I never decided to stick to the academic path.
I had the exact same thoughts as well - I think Yale also looked at the application and scratched their heads “why does CeCe want to come here and what would she gain from a PhD that she cant accomplish by other means ?”- anyone can write a book!
Thank you CeCe for such an inspiring talk❤. I just recently found your videos and i love how real you are. This talk really hit home for me. I recently graduated undergrad and got my first job. Trying to figure things out and getting rejected is tough. I really miss and want to go back to school too because I feel you with the academic safety blanket. I feel like media/society underplays this moment in our lives, where we are supposed to have everything figured out, and be happy with it. It is ok to feel lost, confused, and dissatisfied. I am rooting for you as you take this time for yourself going forward❤. And remember to be kind to yourself and it is going to be ok 🙂.
Thankyou so I much for sharing this - I’m not a law student nor an academic but having been raised in an asian household in a western society, everything you said is so relatable. I’m at a stage where I too am looking for a career change and everything you have expressed are exactly thoughts I had avoided. So thank you for verbalising this - onwards and upwards to us all!
I love the content of psychiatristmom. I hope that more creators follow her! I'm sorry that you didn't the acceptance you applied for. I hope that you continue the task of your book! I enjoy being able to watch your journey.
Thanks for sharing this. I shed a tear watching you debrief. I could relate to everything you said and felt like I got out of a funk by watching your video - esp. that ex post regret section. (I'm working on my law review write-on after 1L finals.). I truly appreciate your videos and wish you all the best in your next chapter - it's bound to be good!!
I’m a law student and rejection has been the saving grace to my journey. From jobs, to programs, to internships. But the yeses are just that much sweeter.
One of the things I've learned in my life is that I would never want to raise my kids the same way my asian parents did for me. Its degrading to be raised like that, I want to be a supportive parent all the way (if I become one).
It’s alway good to take some time and self reflect after an unexpected outcome. This is just the beginning of a new chapter and there’s always something to look forward to. When one door closes - other doors u initially didn’t expect to open for you may eventually will. :)
That feeling that school is a safety zone is soo relatable! I’ve started my first job at 21 and it’s been such a culture shock that I’ve soo been tempted to say “you know, I’m a student, I don’t need to be working rn, i should just focus on school and graduate school since it’ll take up so much of my time anyways, why do I even need to go through the discomfort and adjustments of this job?” But I’m sticking with it because it’s made it so apparent that I have some serious work to do on my self-discipline and time management skills as well as some impostor syndrome issues to ocercome.
I relate so much to you. Before law school, I was rejected from PhD programs (and as a result went on to become a lawyer). I can laugh about it now but it was deeply painful at the time. I also come from a tiger parenting background which I am still trying to deal with. Don’t worry about shame and embarrassment. You’re being so brave to put this out there. And - life has a tendency of working out. I’m excited to see your next big adventure.
Girl, they are morons for rejecting you. Academia can be such a crapshoot sometimes. They have no idea what they just lost. Head up, cause better things are ahead💗 Down the line you may view this moment as a blessing in disguise! No matter what, you will do amazing things sis
I used to use school as a means to avoid the real world. I did undergrad and enjoyed how every semester my classes changed and there was a new challenge. After being in the same job post-grad for two years, I was bored, and went back to school to get my master's degree. I then did another two years of work. Last year I started to get bored and unmotivated again, and started looking into law school. I took the LSAT and started applications, then got real with myself that I was using academia to avoid my unhappiness with my work. Instead of law school, I changed industries and found a new job that I do enjoy. I think for me, I feel like I always need to be accomplishing something, and spending more than a few years doing the same thing felt like failure to me. I'm always looking for the next challenge.
I love how well you express yourself. I'm a doctor and have similarly always been high achieving at school, and have attributed so much of my self worth to achieving the next difficult task (new job, big exam etc etc). I have spent the last few months prepping to apply for this very competitive program, and really burnt myself out in the process but then didn't do well in the interview. The results are out next week, and I've been SO anxious. I really started to reflect on why I was feeling this way - yes it would be a shame if I didnt get it, but at the same time nothing disastrous would happen in terms of my life. It struck me that it really was a very deep fear of embarrassment if I didn't get in, and I really desperately don't want to disappoint my mentors, friends and family who are all rooting for me. But you are right, if my application gets rejected it would be just that, it would not mean I have failed as a person. Also a rejection would not nullify all the achievements I have gained in these few months, which I should be proud of regardless. I need to work on separating my personal and moral worth from career achievements. So thank you for the video, apologies for the rant! :)
This meant a lot for me to see. I also did a 180 recently and I got rejected also. Watching your videos, I can see you have a bright future, new degree or not, and it makes me feel like I could too.
You channel is inspiring. As an engineering PhD student, I’m in awe your ability to express yourself through your medium (RU-vid) and your courage for sharing such a vulnerable moment. I can’t tell you how often I’ve been in your shoes of being rejected from your (my) top choice. All I can say is, let’s keep trying, let’s keep applying, and let’s never give up on our dreams-as cheesy as that last comment was.
I could totally resonate the feeling of rejection. But looking backward, things might happen to serve our purpose, even it is a rejection that hurts. We may encounter something way much better down the road. Stay in faith and keep doing what you love. we will definitely achieve what we want, just at a slightly different pace.
New Subbie here! Thanks for posting this, I relate very much to it and it made me tear up! You are amazing and something wonderful is in store for you.
hi cece, current high schooler here. i intend to become a lawyer. i think i’m a bit younger than your average viewer, but everything you mentioned on this craving for academic affirmation resonated with me. we need to detach from the idea that outcomes are ultimate descriptors of who we are as people - i am so excited to see where your passions take you. we all believe in you, but most importantly, you believe in yourself. you had to have in order to apply to that phd program! best of luck! :)
I really appreciate that you process your feelings and experiences without primarily framing it within the context of growing up in an Asian household. With all of the preconceptions and stereotypes out there about that particular style of upbringing, its often easy to forget that those who grew up in this way are individuals with their own thoughts and feelings. Thank you for your content and perspective!
Just found your channel; current lawyer myself (and also relatively new to the practice). Really connected with your statement of how one can be "thinking everything that didn't work out was a 'waste of time.'" I think you can take the person out of the law but not the lawyer out of the person, so to speak. We who go into law tend to be the types who can commit to an overly-driven focus on certain competitive attainments (even if the long-term significance of them might be relatively insignificant to our core values). The fact that you recognize the core issue and put it so plainly tells me that you have many more opportunities that will continue to present themselves (and potentially make you much happier). Thanks for your candid self-reflection and the lessons the legal field, especially, can learn from it.
great points all around! it’s how we can be great advocates even when we don’t necessarily agree with what we are advocating for. the hard part is definitely not letting our lawyer persona take over ourselves. thank you for this insightful comment!
Three years ago I didn’t match for a second year pharmacy residency and I still struggle with it. But I am confident neither of those two programs were a good fit at all. They just weren’t meant for me. My ego is still recovering because I put a lot of my self worth into my achievements, but my heart wasn’t in it and I’m glad it wasn’t where I ultimately ended up. You’re handling this with such grace. Thank you for sharing!
