Another thing I would say is you should ideally try to find a friend first. That’s what great relationships are built off of, friendship and trust. That’s why most relationships that actually last happen at the workplace, knowing someone you can work together with as a team and know you can rely on them and that they can rely on you. Relationships are generally a big commitment that’s why it’s not always the easiest to start committing to someone before you know they have your back. When you’re actively looking for a relationship (while it does sound kinda wrong, it’s also true) you’ll seem kinda predatory. Not in an inherently bad way but in way that’s not always in your best interest. Something I think has been forgotten about over the past few years or even decades is that when you’re looking for someone to date, you’re always going to be “on the hunt” in a way. That’s not to say you can’t do things this way and have it work, it’s just that there will always be an element of wanting to gain something rather than letting things happen naturally. Not everyone works the way the average incel does in the sense that all they’re looking for is sex or something but looking for a romantic relationship is just that, looking for the romance part of the relationship before you’ve even gotten to know the other person. My advice is again to just look for a really good friend who will always be there for you before you start thinking about a relationship. Don’t seek it out too much, let things happen naturally, I guarantee they will happen eventually.
I get this way too and I don’t think it has anything to do with self-esteem. I myself don’t really have any self-esteem issues but I get this way. It’s like some kind of imposter syndrome that can be hard to shake. I’d say it’s not too unheard of, but what is mostly unheard of is what causes it. I can say definitely and it’s probably different for everyone but I think it comes down to self-love. You can have great self-esteem and still not love yourself which is difficult to do already. Someone it’s hard to accept the love of others when we don’t appreciate ourselves enough. It’s not a matter of being selfish, but a matter of being content with yourself. Not in a “I’ve already reached perfection” sort of way, we still have to be critical of ourselves for self-improvement, but we also can’t hate the person we are or constantly wish our circumstances were different. I think there’s a balance we have to find between being critical of ourselves and being content with how we already are. It’s hard to find the words but we need to accept that we’re all flawed and will never be perfect while still making an active effort to improve ourselves. I think what a lot of it boils down to is thinking you’re not good enough because of those flaws and consciously or unconsciously sabotaging ourselves. Unfortunately you can’t be brainwashed into unthinking these thoughts but you can reflect on them and every time they pop up again, reason with yourself and prove the thoughts wrong. That’s just my suggestion though, I haven’t really figured it out myself. It’s also important to remind yourself of WHY you deserve good things in life. Telling yourself you’re awesome doesn’t do much to make you feel awesome. It’s a mindful thing you have to do actively. All of this is say that yes, you do deserve to be loved! I know you’ll find it someday, somewhere. Until then, focus on loving yourself as much as someone could love you. Again, just my advice. Take care Rosalyn!❤
