I Learned What Makes An Ex Love You 

This all just sounds like manipulation. There's times where I knew exactly what I could do or not do, to entice my ex back but I chose not to, because I'd rather have something real, not coerced or manipulated or witchcrafted. I'd rather be alone than play games.

That part about what you're grieving is the desire for a longterm relationship and maybe it's not even with your ex, really hit home! Thanks for that!

They did all they could to hurt you, leave you alone when you want them the most and made you go through a series of emotional dilemmas . After taking soo long to recover from the memories and feelings of guilt for loving someone who doesn't even treat you with the minimum respect you deserve, after soo much struggle, you find yourself eventually and move on. Then all of a sudden, this exact person comes into your life.. and they expect you to accept them like nothing happened.. ? The hell no!!.. Ex is a dead person to you...and that's it!!

Never place someone on a pedestal! No one is better than you!

If it did not work before and you are discarded. It means they cannot find anyone better than you. I'm not a revolving doorstep and say no to that. End of story.

I was with an avoidant female for 9 years. She left. I moved out and on. Im going on dates and getting in better shape and i always made money. My advice is if they reach out just tell them youre rooting for them. After a month she said "i hope youre doing well" I sent back "hey butthead, im good. Im rooting for you to find a way to better yourself. Youre strong and i know you can do it." Just show them support from afar, but do NOT go back to them. I loved her and she has trauma and needs help that i cant provide. Believe me you want a healthy relationship.

True story. I placed my other on a pedestal and lost my sense of purpose. I gave up all my hobbies and made her my life. This placed a lot of pressure on her. This also didn’t allow her to live her own life. What I’m saying - I smothered the shit out of her and it didn’t work. I found my hobbies again and realized that I no longer had my other on a pedestal. Nothing is more attractive than person that has their own hobbies/life. Find your purpose - find your happiness. Live your life - let her/him live his life - secure relationships rock!

BASICALLY, JUST LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE!! Why wait for someone to come back if there’s someone out there who is emotionally available and willing to commit forever!

Sadly, if I go the route of detaching myself entirely again -- THEN she'll want me. Then, when I want her again, she won't want me. So, in short, we never get what we want and we're all F'ed. Sad.

you are right if they truly love you as they say they will not leave you for too long there is no reason to justify selfishness and indifference

The simple secret: you have to be free to let them go. Then they might come back. Paradox but true. If you still want them back at that point is another question... (Own experience twice.)

Don’t get them back - just move on - they only hurt you the second time. Speaking from experience. It’s not worth the hurt and heartache.

1. You've moved on from them 2. Commitment categories 3. You're above them on pedestal 4. Let the avoidant breathe

Avoidants are insufferable, and funny enough they think that about everyone else as well

Who wants to be with someone who dont want you...

Becoming a better version of you has nothing to do with plating your mind or trying to keep yourself occupied with something else. it is about realizing that who you are matters more than trying to continually impress someone with who you were yesterday. And more importantly, impressing yourself. Because when you aren't growing constantly feeling like you were only as good as your last high school basketball game, but someone supposed to continually be impressed by that achievement. Of course, you are more than that one achievement It's not the achievements it's the character seeing challenges through that is important

My fear is as an avoidant is that, once I go no contact to help me outgrow my ex, I’ll really be done and I don’t wanna hear from them. I am working on becoming a secure attachment type though.

I have 4 words: Sudden need for validation.

This video actually helped me feel better about not being with my ex. Thanks!

Letting my Avoidant Ex breathe was the hardest thing for me. It I did it for a month. Then we met up to swap stuff and we had an interaction that we haven’t had in a very long time. It was just us two, chatting like normal. We laughed, hugged, high fives, she overshared everything. Asked her to coffee, now I’m waiting for her to contact me. She said “I’ll let you know”

As a triathlete myself , I also greatly admire Lionel Sanders because he dedicated his life into triathlon after quitting drugs, if you want to be happy dedicate yourself into your passion and work hard to improve yourself, the only thing that people can't take away is your passion

I LOLed “the inevitable decline” of the conversation 😂

It’s all mind games no one decent left stay single better

Chris, THIS video is the BEST One I have viewed of Yours thus far, however I have only recently found Your Channel Sir. I had been struggling lately, as the Break-up was only 8 days ago. For 6 years I put Her on the pedestal, when in Fact I AM the Prize! However it pans out going forward, NOW I KNOW I will Thrive & not only Survive! THANK YOU SO MUCH my Brother!

Ending the conversation at a high point is a genius idea I had not thought about. Thank you 😊.

I was on the pedestal because of my service to the city and wouldnt you know how he tried to get me to quit the boards, criticized their decisions and spoke to me as if I solely called the shots.

I’m on day 4 of no contact. After a cordial breakup, he dumped me saying we were not compatible. I strongly think maybe there was more like he’s not ready or just didn’t want it …even at the end he was straight forward /cold and wanted me out of his life asap. He’s deleted me off Snapchat and didn’t reply back after some messages which made me feel anxious and sad and upset for the being the anxious attachment style …. 😢 right now I’m in the boat of missing the conversation with him but also knowing it might have just been a bad match. Of course I believe truly there was love on both sides. Either way I’m giving him space because he needs it. I have been watching these videos in my free time they are helping

Patience is for sure the key. Another great Video !

Absolutely better than other coaches. I like your style and approach.

Hahaha! Chris, I see what you did there. You ended this video at the high point. Great take aways!

The last message I sent my ex was a long one, but I did tell her that she'll never leave my heart completely and that I love her. I've been in no contact since. She's with someone else now.

I tried ending the conversation at the high point. I think it's working!

"If you dedicate your life into something, you'll be admire by many people." Sounds OK to me because I teach ESL. ;) All poking aside, I love this channel.

Appreciate the fresh perspective!

Omg you’re talking about pedestaling which is WILDLY unhealthy for ANY relationship. I was following you just to understand how to battle back against my ex’s predictable attempts to get back together again. I don’t want to be with him and haven’t wanted that for years. He just persuades me. But pedestaling is deeply unhealthy regardless of attachment style. You need to look at this concept in the context of consent and healthy boundaries.

Very helpful!! Thanks

Thank you for new video😢

Yass this is EXCELLENT! My ex would say he thinks about me all day, I wonder what’s she’s doing right now or I wonder if she would like thi or what would she think of this.. etc

Powerful video. Thank u chris

Hi Chris I have been watching your videos for more than 100 times, now I realized all my attention is come out of your behavior when you speaching. And the way what how you presenting and sooooooo cute and lovely. 🥰🥰🥰

3 years in relationship .he decided to break up with me because i want to settle down. so i accepted the break up. for 6 months he goes dark on me never heard anything. all of sudden he texted me and asking me how i am and he misses me and regret everything and he asked me if i still want to marry him.. i answered him i don't know.

My ex avoidant once said to me, he doesn't reach out to no one. And he doesn't go backwards. It was heartbreaking.

I don't want to get my ex back. I want him to stop leaving and coming back.

Mine is not my ex yet. I am trying to convince myself to walk away. Sick of his avoidant BS.

I see what you did at the end there ;)

I invested more in my relationship compared to my X that left me for a rebound guy after a few years together. I'm not looking for my X to come back to me. If she does, I will inform her that I'm over her.

The ending at the high point strategy is really smart, but how would you go about ending the conversation effectively? Is there any examples you can think of

there's a reason why they're an ex. I don't look back and try to right the wrongs. If they didn't realize who was there for them before, then let them live with their decision. My father once told me "you can count on one hand the people who will be around for your life" If my ex didn't think I was one of those, so be it. I've told them this too. We meet many people in a lifetime. Can you be there in reciprocity for those who want to be there for you? Can you even recognize the difference? It's about stepping up with mutual trust and respect.... which are both earned gradually and maintained. The honeymoon phase serves its purpose and. makes for great memories if both don't just count on this only to keep them together. 😉

I wanted a long happy relationship but that was not possible with my X. My X wasn't accountabile for her insecure actions nor she would apologize

The athlete that you admire, though, just traded one addiction for another… Treated drugs for the runner high… Traded the drive and seeking of drugs for the seeking of the better time or the longer distance

Coach is this applicable if my ex was in a relationship with someone before our brake up?

He is so good

I’m so tired of playing all these games…ghosted 👻 for the 4th time - 3 times because of an ex girlfriend he kept going back to- - now it’s exploring someone new - 3 days after proposing to me! So for sure I must have become too needy and demanding while my gut noticing he’s pulling away lining up the next by calling me less and less. Avoidant has other names = Unfaithful Player

I am anxious

What if he moved on ?!

Mine said he doesn't want anything to do with my jealousy. He doesn't even want me as a friend. So how does this work in my favor or what should I expect?

If you're not in contact how do you make them invest time, money, emotions in you?

How do i go no contact when my ex is seeking divorce, and the paperwork requires contact?

I think separation elation only happens if there are no kids involved or when it's the woman and they've got favored custody/support statistics. I've been severely struggling with detachment and subsequently despite efforts I know I end up having neediness and not giving her any sense that she has or could lose me or that I wouldn't take her back. My kids adore me, I've got my physical health in check, stable and good employment and a schedule that works great especially if we were to stay together and they want to continue to work and I've been getting my mental health in check. Been taking care of myself and my kids and better with priorities but I still haven't really seen a change or clear sign that she'd consider getting back together. I know things can never go back to how they were even when they were good/better and any relationship would be a new one but doesn't mean it couldn't be better than it was.

how ik i am in love with her we were in a long distance R.S must of our talk was through phone

I think my ex is a avoidant based on ur description. He said he needed space to think wether if he rlly wants a relationship n if so why is he doubting it. I’m giving him space, 32 days of no contact. I’m planning mid or end oct to write something based on what happened to him like his race even tho it was a month ago and write “hey, I know u had ur marathon a while ago, did u reach ur goal of 2hrs? Heard u carried a 7kg vest! Impressive ! But I bet you could have done 10! How r u and ur studies? - it shows I remember a important event, remind him that I care, and slip a little cheeky note. Or take a pic of a book and write a note “hey craziest thing just happened, saw ur favorite book on the shelf! Did u know …. And they have a movie! We should watch it someday! Hope ur doing good! -I catch myself everyday thinking about him.. I’m sure he does too it was almost 5yrs there’s no way u can forget. He came back once I’m sure he’ll come back again. - I’m working on myself, getting a diploma, planning outgoing s, I hope he sees that and misses me. I was a good a gf, not perfect but I know I gave more than my best. I hope he realizes w time the little things I did that now is no longer done, picking him up w food, making his meal preps, gifts for no reasons … we will see .. :(

It doesn't say much in this video!!!!

i am above him .. is that why he keeps jumping intoshort term lower standard girls to replace me? lol

Hey Chris, is there any possible way that you can go over an Ex-Girlfriend being in a rebound with a Jealous boyfriend, who had practically made her delete social media. Long story short she has me blocked only by phone, because she didn't want there to be any issues between me and the boyfriend, but the social media was the only source of communication besides working together. We we're having a great Emotional connection with each other until that had happened, I just don't know what I should do next. Besides being jealous of any man having communication with her, she has only talked to me about the arguments that they've had, practically nothing positive to say on the relationship, but she still says at times that she wants it to work, but at other times doesn't know if she want's to stay in the relationship.

Confusingly - when he broke up with me he told me how much he loves me. That it wasn’t for a lack of love but for his own mental health. We both have anxiety problems that need to be dealt with - I pray when we heal from our own traumas , we can come back together stronger .

What if you dated for only two/ three months and they are not talking to you right now? I find often it takes people over a year to contact you again if at all?

No contact is for me. I was monkey branched. NC forever for me.

I noticed that you practice cutting off the conversation at a higher point in your videos because you don't close out the video you just cut it at your last sentence that you felt pertinent

skip towards the end of the video for the answer, there's a bunch of bullshit filller before that, the brake down is leave them wanting more when having conversation

Men come back because they miss the beautiful thing they thought they had. Women come back because they couldn’t find a replacement.