@@Star-dj1kw Point of correction, Dr. Myles Munroe of blessed memory preached about purpose of life, marriage, divorce, single life and leadership. The next time, you want to spill your ignorance ...just Google. It helps😊👌🏽
@@abigailaddo2034 I've learned a lot from Dr Myles...and I'm in a healthy marriage...I know my role as his helper and I realise I'll be accountable to God one day. Truth from the Word will never be anything else
Ladies. The Proverbs 31 woman is NOT for the average guy. She's not for a bum. Read the chapter again: A king's mother was giving him advice in finding his wife. Not a pauper - a king. The Proverbs 31 woman is for a man that has accomplished his own, and she multiplies his wealth. Never forget that zero multiplied by anything will always be zero. I'm really sorry you went through this, but I pray you never again let this thinking cause you to take on a man that is not worthy of you.
I also think us Christian women need to take accountability for our horrible decisions and stop putting them on God. These men show us the signs of who they are from day 1. We make decisions to be with these men because of self esteem/ self-worth issues/ naivety/ desperation etc. NOT because it was “the will of God”. Being a “Proverbs 31 woman” has nothing to do with being Bob the builder and literally RASING GROWN MEN! Self-reflection and taking accountability for our poor choices allows us to not make the same mistakes in future. Being a Christian doesn’t mean you lose all wisdom. Thank you for sharing…this truly is a cautionary tale that we can learn from🌻❤️
You right, and proverbs 31 should never be the ONLY scripture you go by when it comes to getting married. Actually that scripture was taken out of context. We as Christians women must read the whole passage, the whole book and the whole Bible. Because the Bible let's you know what is not Godly, and we have the power of the Holy Spirit that leads us to all truth.
@@1obedience that's not an example of proverbs 31 wife No as we begin relationship there was a problem before people marry they should enquire to know who they are marrying.The red flags are always there but we have a love is blind excuse.Sometimes people around us tell us but we are blinded with what we think is love then we fall in the ditch and making matters worse we get hoes and dig deeper instead of calling for help to get out.we should seek counsel you get such a husband and you even think about having children.Am talking out of experience I also lost it all at one time but I can't say I didn't get warning God has always communicated we just don't listen in the name of love and thinking people will change. People rarely change we love them as they are and if you can't take their faults at first don't commit because it sometimes becomes lifetime frustration God gave us brains to think and choose for ourselves but we tend to make wrong decision.Jacob loved Rachel but she wasn't the appropriate woman after all that God did for Jacob Rachel stole her father's gods and went ahead and lied and after all the 14 years Jacob worked to get Rachel she gave him to Leah for a night because of mandrakes.God took Rachel at an early age because he knew she would frustrate Jacobs destiny.we choose our partners it's not about proverbs 31 it's about who you choose so we need wisdom and God's guidance while choosing
As per Dave Ramsey: If a man or woman isn't serious about getting debt-free and pursuing financial freedom and wealth, cut that relationship off! Do NOT marry them (even when the biological clock is screaming and family and pressures are mounting). 🥺 Wait on God's best. 🙏🏽
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I am watching this and I am reminded of a family friend that suffered a terrible divorce settlement where the man just wanted everything from the house to the wife s pension fund😭😭he finally got the money and the wife was left with an empty house this woman bagged him to atleast leave the kids under a roof. Years later he is back to square one lost everything. And the wife recovered everything God restored what she has lost. I know that God has restored you and this is this is a testimony. You are safe you are whole now and you are moving foward.
Beauty you are spot on. Man is the head of the house as Christ is the head of the church. Men should love their wives, women must submit, the biggest question to women, what kind of head are you choosing to submit under? Problem many face is believing that they can change men for being what they want them to be. Its so wrong. Marriage isnt a Gospel crusade to convert people. Thats the worst foundation to build a marriage on. Its the biggest lie. One cant be a queen and settle for hobo. Its not practical. You can never trust a word of a homeless man with no shoes when he promise to provide shoes for you.
Zimi Mizi & @ New Dawn Relationships have NO guarantee since God created us with the Power of Choice. Just like we have the power to say No & leave an abusive relationship so in their sinful minds they Choose to behave in an ungodly way. God is the The Fairest Judge and is not to be mocked. What a man/woman sowsso' shall they reap. We women need to stay connected and keep God as our No.1 Partner in life. He understands, will lead and guide us if we Trust Him each step of the journey. He promised to provide a way of escape. We must also be careful not to Generalise and paint All men with the same brush. There are loyal, committed and Respectful men out there. It depends a lot also on what behaviours we as women allow coz that's How we will be treated and it becomes the norm for the kids growing up witnessing the behaviour and so the cycle gets repeated. The Proverbs 31 womanis portrayed as independent and yet interdependent. Not to be trampled on and play mind games with.
@@janemuller2066 I respect her honesty. And she understands that her tale is a cautionary one. Successful women, who marry after they've become successful need to use even more discernment, and be very pragmatic and practical in how they protect their assets and finances, using the laws of the courts. Once those laws are in effect, God's laws can reign over the marriage. Oftentimes what we hope people will do and what they actually do, are two different things. Those that don't think like this beforehand, will surely feel.
The biggest mistake with Christian ladies is they go get their man and start telling themselves this is from God. Instead of asking God before bringing the man in.
@@lorrainemadure2837 God isn’t going to give you a man who can’t manage his finances. When the Lord talks about a husband it’s someone who takes responsibility, is a leader, and is like Christ. The issue is we teach black women to settle for men who have glaring issues and get into marriages with them instead of checking their character and making sure the man does not only loves Christ but is an imitator of Him too. “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.” Ephesians 5:23 NIV There’s a terrible “I can fix him” culture in the world and the black community-specifically amongst women-that is NEVER taught in the Bible. God isn’t uniting people to fix each other. That doesn’t even sound right because only God can heal people and he knows that. “I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.” 1 Corinthians 3:6-7 NIV God isn’t going to put us in a life long convenant with someone to help them with finances. That can be done outside of a marriage. We should be pleased in marriages and that’s exactly how a God intended a Godly marriage and family to be, love, peace, and celebrates Him. Let us women be set free from expecting little from spouses and seek Godly partners who want to glorify God with the convenant of marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying things can’t go wrong in marriages, but terrible financial issues BEFORE marriage 🚩🚩🚩 Goals not adding up 🚩🚩🚩 God was giving her warning signs.
@@sweetxjc well said, when will we stop defending the man. God is not dull to give you a man nit fit for you. Problem is marrying for wrong reasons like societal pressure. The society never cares about you happiness all they do is congratulations, no one asks even if you are happy with the union.
@@lorrainemadure2837 Personally, I don't believe God would confirm a husband that is not prepared, maybe he would, but not send him at a time where it could lead to disaster, meaning you know it's that person, but that person or both of you are not ready yet. That said, Godly marriages, relationships will still have ups and downs.
@@mzparker4591 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 it shows he will be lying. Talking the talk if he sees you are religious. Why would your God talk to him only when you are also there. Does he need a middleman . You could have told him i will ask him too. Not just believing his statement
From personal experience as a Christian divorcee myself, the way we interpret Christianity sometimes makes us vulnerable to abuse in relationships. Tolerating abuse because we forgive over & over again. All this talk about God hates divorce, marriage is from God etc makes people get stuck in relationships that are bad for them. I had to ask 2 non-African pastors. 1 told me that God hates divorce but God loves you & didnt create you to be miserable your whole life. The other told me that God understands more than you think. This is what gave me the courage to finally divorce & leave a toxic relationship. Wish everyone the best 💞💞
From my own background and knowledge. Christianity does not encourage one to stay in an abusive relationship or marriage only people who practice religion will make emphasis on stay and hope for a chance.
My dear, my heart really really goes out to you. You are really strong, don't let the critics get to you. They criticise because they are hypocrites. You are a real Christian woman and God really really still loves you so don't ever doubt that because of the storm blowing now. It'll take God to see you through this and so I want to encourage you to turn to God for strength at every point in time. Our sanity can only be found in God. Please fight for your sanity, for the sake of your children. If losing this house with your ex-husband benefitting from it will give you sanity, please do it and any other thing that will give you closure. Money will come, trust me. It'll come more than you ever had. Keep trusting God.
u sd d way xtians interprete Bible can cause trouble. u are right. Atleast u admitted to wrong interpretation which did not mean that is exactly what d bible says. This lady here did not go by d tenets of d bible b4 marriage like many xtian ladies do. If bible is well followed n interpreted she wdnot marry a man without vision. Infact listening to Real African Psts n marriage talks, she wd not marry him. we shd learn to tk responsibility n not lie against God. If you reflect well, you will see where u ignored God's warning. Tnk God u r out n u can retrace ur steps bt not God. So sorry abt d divorce. The best is yet to come
It's not Proverbs 31, it's the wrong choice of spouse. The signs were there my sister but you missed it. Plenty debts? What got him there in the first place? If a man can't manage his finances how can he manage his family? Sisters we need to keep on praying for a spirit of discernment else the wrong fellow will come along and take our kindness for weakness. These things normally happen when we don't wait on the Lord to show us the way we are to go. I'm so sorry to hear what had befallen you. Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Wishing God's goodness, grace and mercy upon you in Jesus name.
EDIT: I hope this is not on here to bash anyone. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Remember we are helpers one to another. I'm all for encouraging the next person to rise above disappointments in life. However, we need to first sweep around our own front doors. Are we feeling superior, etc. Make sure you check yourself out first. Forgive yourself first, then forgive others even before they ask. Well one thing about it, one will never prosper if they didn't pull him/herself up be it with help from a mate or not. It's the love of God in a person you look for first. We fail if we don't learn anything. God will bless you with double for your trouble. Whenever you do things out of love, whether it's reciprocated or not, you WIN! BBlessed.
Oh Lord it seems like we’re a generation that is supporting men, raising man-children. It will take our generation to break this cycle because if we don’t this pattern will repeat on our children. We just need to pray more to break this cycle!
I'm sorry for what u've gone through. I just broke up with a financially irresponsible man a few weeks ago. He had alot of debt he was ignoring and also his attitude about managing money, savings invesgments is always ,"God will provide". Oh yeah, on top of that, every time i siggested he get a better paying job (i went ahead to find him the positions), he did not want to. I said, bye felicia coz it will be over my cacass that you will drag me along with your mess. I've seen women in my family get destroyed by men like this and i refuse to join the list. I'm 29 and refuse to settle for someone with zero work ethic, bad financial attitude (and not even trying to change it), etc.
🚩1. Any man who doesn't have his finances together and lack that discipline wasn't ready for marriage. 🚩2 . Those goals were yours not his. You took the lead while you should have allowed him to lead. 🚩3. You knew he wasn't right and you hid it from your family which set you up to fail. Any man or woman you are considering marriage with and you have to hide things about him from your family is an issue. 🚩. 4
I’m in my 70’s; my mom told me when I was just a little girl to always keep a Knipple on hand. She said that no one else should know about it. She said no matter what sob story you are given, no matter how much you are told that you are loved, no matter how much you love the person, keep your knipple to yourself because your love may last forever but you never know about the person you are with. May my mom Rest In Peace. She was so right! I’ve seen so many people whose marriage has failed. Been married 49 years and my spouse still doesn’t know about my knipple.
I had an ex like this thank the lord it didn’t go too far because I divorced him as before the ink dried. I learned my lesson about having to help a man in the beginning who hadn’t tried to help himself before I came along. I’m so turned off by men not matching the things they demand of women!
I can relate to this story 100% , my husband also divorced me now that he's financially stable 😢. I was hot hard as I didn't expect my husband to divorce me poor me he had already planned it and his family knew his plans etc. People think we are bitter but I'm not I'm just sad that I was used and betrayed by someone I trusted. Thank you for your clips 🙏
Oh my days I only just stumbled on this page and I’m shocked with this story. It sounds just like me! 😥 I went into my marriage with the intention of staying forever. My ex did exactly all yours did and told me to sell the house and give him half of the sale. I did everything just like you did. Early in our marriage he had an old banger as a car but I took out a loan and bout him a nice car. Did everything but at the end he walked out on us and wanted all. I bought a land without a penny from him but I foolishly added his name. It’s only God that will forgive these men. Keep your head high babes. I am living by God’s Grace because I was given the house and God has been faithful to me and the children. I had to reapply alone for the mortgage but I’m grateful I was successful. Keep praying and being strong. You will come out well. I started sharing my stories too because I don’t want anyone to go through what I went through.
Discernment and wisdom is key when choosing a spouse. You know when you making an omelette if you have 1 bad egg it ruins all the good eggs. No matter how good you are if you “choose” the wrong person no matter how much good you do, it won’t matter. It takes the grace of God to rebuild. Divorce is like perpetual death, it’s implications are major, that’s why God hates it. Your motive for sharing your story is beautiful. I hope you heal from your experiences.
Wow! Descernment is what we all need I agree my mother was married to y father for 25 years , and my mom always worked sometimes even two jobs, my mom always taught me get their own things before marriage, but make sure he has his own too
I'm from that exact situation, it's 2years now. Fortunately I got buyers and I lost all the bond repayments I did by myself. He refused to go 50/50 until I decided to let go and let him win. But let me tell you dear, it's going to be ohk. I'm happy with my kids now started from zero after 12 waisted years. God is always Good and He will carry you too. 💕
It's not 12 wasted years, it's 12 years of evolving, learning and living to mature. Life is a gift and I pray that you get all the blessings God has in store for you.
Girl, am almost similar, as you say, God will provide, it's just ti make us stronger, and being with the kids is most important, they are the ones that lose out, imagine not caring where your children could end up, they show their true colours, Never to return, God bless you
I keep seeing this pattern of women marrying beneath them. And I don't use the word "beneath" in a demeaning way, I just mean it as far as finances/education/career are involved. Sometimes for men it'll work like if they marry below their financial status. As for women, it just never works. I'm yet to come across a woman who this has worked for. You're talking and I'm also thinking of Owamie and her situation. God is still very much in control and he shall move you from grace to grace. The best is yet to come❤️
When a woman gets up and says I’m done ..It’s not a joke .there is a story behind it ..We carry each other sis ..Just like Job you will be restored . but you oh Lord are a shield for me My Glory ,The lifter of my head… God is the Glory that surrounds you do not be afraid or dismayed he goes before you and levels all the mountains...
Hi sis, I’m a divorce attorney and I witness that everyday. 80% of the recent divorces are as a result of finances. I really live to fight for women like you but the law always takes it’s cause and unfortunately it’s a losing battle. I cannot stress enough marriage out of community of property. But I really wish you strength and light. 🕯❤️
Hi do you draft prenuptial agreements? I'm actually looking into having one before I say I do because the lobola process is almost done and I came in with my own assets. What would you advise. BTW my hubby and I already had the conversation and we agreed that it's necessary to marry outside of community of property.
@@keepitfrankwithfentse Hi sis, oh no not yet. I could draft it but I would need a notary for that, so I would have to refer you to someone else. So it’s better to find an attorney that is already a notary for that. Congratulations on your marriage and big ups for Out of Community.
As a young woman not yet married am learning a lot .Am always encouraged by you sharing the truth n real life lessons. Am also learning more about self love from you mama you are appreciated
I am so sorry you went through all these mys sister! What a useless guy you married. My wife and I are married now for 13 years and from day one, though we do things together, I always tell to have her also make sure she has her own things on a side and if it means her acquiring whatever through her sisters let it be. The worst thing I can ever want to do is to see her with end up with nothing if one day things will turn sour between us. I have pushed her to study to the highest level for her sake so that she never gets to have a need to depend on anyone including me.
Awesome video… sometimes, we as black women, do too much for our spouses, children and family members. It is hard but sometimes we have to stop 🛑 doing for others that they should do for themselves. Black women are more likely than any othe group to die alone and penniless because we help other family members/spouses. It is ok 👌🏿, to say “ No” and “I can’t afford” or “ That’s out of my budget “. I learned this the hard way but learned it early in life. Lifting you up in prayer.
Lol there are a lot of good ones out there, you just have to be clear what you will or will not tolerate. Most women walk into these going "nowhere married with the hopes that the loser husband will change", marrisge. God steps away from that bullshit lol
“May the lord bless you and keep you; The lord make his face shine upon you; and be gracious to you; The lord lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace.” Amen (Numbers 6:24-26)
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I didn't hear any mention of him being a Godly man. Proverbs 31:23,28 I don't think being a Proverbs 31 woman is about building a man from scratch. It's really advice for a King about what kind of woman he should look for. Your story is definitely relevant and should be told to woman who listen to red pill philosophy on RU-vid. I pray that this situation increases your wisdom and that you are blessed with much more than you lost. 🙏🏽
A king... Can we please emphasize that? Most of us are behaving like an eavesdropper in a conversation. The problem with eavesdropping, is that you never get the FULL context of what you hear. And you just go making life-altering decisions based on half information. Who do we blame for that? Here we all are reading an advise a Queen Mother is giving her son the King about women, and the next thing some of us do is gather these pearls of wisdom, only to caste them to swines. You do not give children's bread to dogs. You want to be a Proverbs 31 woman? Then make sure you found by a King first, for goodness sake! If you have raised yourself a Proverbs 31 woman, make sure the man YOU CHOOSE to be with has the characteristics of a righteous and Godly king.
He wasn't a suitable helper! As Christians we need to look into that before we get into relationships. Been there but God is good! He pulled me out and found me a suitable helper.
I went through a very similar situation. After 14 years he walked out overnight and filed for divorce, even though he caused the problems in the relationship. He bought me out of the house that we bought together. I realized that he didn't marry for love, he married for prosperity. He lived in his sister's house with his mother when I met him. He is now the proud owner of a house for the first time in his life. I know that God will restore everything that I lost and it will be more than I could ever ask or think. Vengeance is mine saith the Lord so I have left my ex in God's hand. I am now praying and believing for my forever home, which I want to purchase with only God's help. If I ever marry again, he will have to have his own money, home, and not need to marry for a nurse and a purse. God bless the child that's got his/her own.
Listening to your story sounds like mine. I was married to a manchild for 10 years, being the breadwinner. I gave both him and his mother their citizenship. He had full access to my finances and he was cheating and creating a whole relationship on the side. I've seen a side of him I've never seen. Post divorce, he was still trying to have his cake and eat it too. He wanted to still have relations with me Post divorce and I turned him down. He became so toxic and unrecognizable. We're in complete no contact and that's the best decision I've ever made. So I can definitely relate. You're a strong and beautiful woman
@@Hannah-jk3dk I didn't meet him off the streets I knew his family and worked with his stepmother for 13yrs. He chased me for 2 years prior to me dating him. He appeared as a down to earth and well put together, presented himself well to my parents in the beginning. I was already 7 yrs into my marriage and that's when he started changing.
I make a similar mistake with my ex-husband as well. Long story short, I went through a very difficult season that seemed never-ending. In the end though, God blessed me with a much nicer home with no one else’s name on it and my finances are 100% better as a single woman than they ever were with that husband. I would say that the key is trusting God no matter how bad the circumstances look because He is our source and faithful to His word.
First red flag clearing a man's debt. Finances are a big issue & this is a conversation every woman should have with the partner before marriage/wedding. Debt can mess things up big time. You played the role of a man. Sorry dear huggs mama ❤❤❤
What about a man who doesn’t want to be a traditional provider? Like his mindset is doing just enough financially and doesn’t value money and the protection it gives. Expects you to go 50/50 for the whole marriage. Any thoughts on this?
@@tendanipelaelo6293 I’m finding more and more men are fighting this in my part of the world. I’m a Black American and these men over here often have a huge issue with this. They want traditional wives, but they themselves don’t want to traditional men. Listening to this story shocked me because I assumed all African men sought to provide for their families rather than take advantage of women. I love learning through experiences of others from different cultures and/or parts of the world and this was an eye opener listening to this story time
@@futuristicvibes2643 The woman mist times contributes more in most marriages. For one she always takes care of the children house chores etc, so she should get 70 ND him 50
Ummm God allows a lot of things to happen and that doesn’t mean they are right or his will. It is important that we are delineating between these things. I don’t think the Proverbs 31 woman was taking all those responsibilities for her man. Her husband was respected at the city gate and sounded like a leader. It is important that our beliefs are grounded in the real truth of Gods words. God called men to lead and it didn’t seem he was doing any of that. I am so sorry you went through this. You had all the right intentions it was just with the wrong person.
I absolutely agree with you here. The Proverbs 31 woman was respected by her husband too and she wasn't working for him. It's easy to misinterpret Scripture, especially when it's mixed with our Southern African beliefs where a woman is usually seen as a commodity to be used, not as a person to pour into.
@@rumbyalxprogramteam6812 Bless You 🙌 🙌💯💯💯 FACTS UPON FACTS. LADIES PURCHASE YOURSELF A GOOD COMMENTARY BIBLE. READ WITH UNDERSTANDING AND STOP MAKING UP YOUR OWN PERSONAL BELIEFS/ INTERPRETATION.( EMPHASIS)✌✌✌❤❤❤
Thank you for stating this truth. I was cringing every time 😬 when I kept hearing b’cz I am a P 31 woman or Christian. P 31’s role is to nature the family and also do her own work BUT never to pay 💰 for a man, buy the home… has nothing to do with Christianity but just bad bad financial decisions & understanding of a man’s role in a marriage. All that said… I feel so sorry for my Sister as it could have happened to me too. It’s painful when your kindness is taken for granted.
I think we need to have meetings, gatherings whereby we women no matter being spiritual, none spiritual, educated, uneducated you name it. Where by we can discuss the topics regarding entering into marriage agreements, family issues. So that we can learn from each other, take informed decisions so that we can know the pros and cons of issues surrounding financial issues. I applaud you my sister for being strong and working yourself through tough times.
As a traditional African man, a Christian and well educated, it’s not just about meetings, shine your eyes when a man ask you out… ASK QUESTIONS before you fall in love. It’s a two way street: He requested, she had an option of backing out or proceed… and as you can see from this analysis, she is more than the man in a lots of way.. this alone deters successful relationship in most African homes. - Share the blame game equally BUT shine your eyes women, the Bible says test all spirits!
Women don't listen. Everyone thinks they are the exception. They label people who warn them "men haters". The journey to unlearn the misconception of marriage is individual and personal. I appreciate her transparency but I she wouldn't have listened to other women if they'd warned her before. The chokehold that is culture and religion should not be underestimated. I'm 29 now, my friends who are 25 ignore everything I tell me. Women just want to be partnered. A lot of us are still going to learn the hard way.
This is my exact same story...the difference is I and my son are still living in our home and it's only by God's Grace....my ex wanted us to sell as well...but the courts here take into consideration the child of the family....he remarried and it was he and his wife and her adult son...against me and our minor child...long story short...I paid him off...much less than he was asking and by God's Grace i was able to qualify to take over the mortgage on my own....it has not been easy...but my son and I are doing great...this is a cautionary tale for women...if you have to buy your own wedding ring and have to bassically support a grown man....run!! Nothing good could ever come of that...they use you and when they get to where they want they "upgrade" and tjink the grass is greener....best wishes to you...starting over is hard...but so rewarding when you see the fruits of your hard work and sacrifice....
This is why I'm afraid of men and marriage. What you're going through is so similar to what my mom went through. He wanted the house to be sold so they could get 50/50%, that time my mom paid for everything starting from the house, groceries, our fees.... 😔I fear men. May God protect us as women, men are doing the most against us. I don't want to repeat cycles. I pray that it all ended with my mother and nna I'll never go through such, as well as every generation after me. ❤️May women rise up and take back our power.
But dear what about 4 men. They go through situations where they lose assets which they bought for their wives that they lose their families. Men also fear us. Lets just seperate assets then. We need a solution. Any ideas???
Do not be afraid my sister, because God said, Fear Not! Your situation may be different than ours. Already you know these things, which should not make you hyper suspicious, but wiser! Your journey will be different in Jesus's name!
you didn't hear both side of the story so you jump to conclusion about men! THAT'S WEAK. Men go through same has you experienced so what should they have the same opinion? certainly not.
As Christian women, let us remember that marriage isn’t compulsory, or promised even if we want it. Jesus said “Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.”” Matthew 19:12 NLT
True. Woman should be ok with being single. Whether u got pregnant bf marriage don't marry for the sake of a child .woman tend to be ignorant and try to sugar coat men's shortcomings with the Bible. don't even date a jobless guy some are employed but still lack the ability to make things happen
I feel you gal. I have been there too and was forced to pay debts that he incurred on my name since his name was a mess so he could not get any credit. I had to move out with my 2 year old child, relying on the government coz could not work then. But with the little I was getting I still managed to talk to the creditors and paid little by little till I finished to avoid spoiling my name. Mind you I'm paying for things I didn't enjoy or even see. But 14 years later I'm far much better than him that sat and watched me pay for his mess. God fights for us women. It's a painful journey and sometimes you feel weak but God never lets us down. He says the righteous will He never forsake or will your children beg for bread. You will come out stronger than you entered. Hang in their baby gal.
a man should be the one taking initiative in a relationship, he should be the one buying a house and provide for his family, a woman should be taken care by a man,,,be very careful when you as a woman take responsibility for a man, because that's not God's arrangement. this does not necessarily mean a woman can not own things ,you can have also. if a man doesn't have a field,, he has not proven to marry and have kids, because he is to take care of them, a woman should not take care of a man, it's a man that should take of a man,,,, but Christianity is blinding us ,,,,but we have to wake up now that trusting a man who cannot provide for himself first, he will not be able to provide for anyone. if you marry him,it's like you are marrying your own son whom you have to take care of.
Real Christianity is not blinding, the Bible is very clear of what the duty of the man is, it has financial verses, conduct verses, etc, etc, but the Church has been muddled with worldly concepts of what is love and that that is all that is needed to make it work. If it's the love mentioned in the Bible, then yes, it will work, but if it's the "love" showed in this world, it won't work.
Uyanya wenja...this kind of mindset it's reason why men can't speak up and commit suicide when they can't afford anymore...stop putting pressure on men in the name of men are providers while this so called independent women are talking about 50/50....so when women divorce a man it's okay for women to share his property but when it happens to woman it's wrong?liyanya....double standard narcissists
Christianity is not blinding anyone, we have to be awake spiritually to be able to make conscious decisions in any area of our lives. And it’s not about doing things for the next person, it about you being fulfilled in what you are doing. Whether or not you will come and cry about what you lost then I think it was not for the glory of God hence it is what it is
I heard you saying a red flag about your ex that he never communicated his vision.They say a man should lead and have a vision before we marry them if he doesn't run for the hills it's not our duty to give him a vision
Red flag number 1. He isn't financially responsible ... that shows he doesn't know his biblical role as a husband and a provider Never marry a man who isn't financially stable and has debts and same with women so that was the first red flag that you ignored. I've been there and been the provider and it was WRONG. That is not our role its a husband's role and if he can't take on that role then he's not ready to be a husband
Can we just say how beautiful her glowing skin is wow!!! I’ve been married now for a couple of months let me tell you, if wasn’t for the grace of God and his hands on my mind I don’t know where I would be. This was very informative thank you Woman of God.
You are strumming my pain with your fingers madam, you are telling my life with your words...I am in the process, trying to get refinanced right now to pay my husband for equity, so I don't lose my home, because I still have our 3 kids to shelter and rent is higher than our mortgage! Unfortunately, it seems impossible, because I was busy mothering over the pandemic period, so I only did casual jobs. Now I don't have enough T4 income to show for the last 2 years, to satisfy the bank, even though I have earned more than my husband 8 of the 10 years we have been in Canada! I am glad to have seen this video. Indeed, it shows how God loves me, and I am not alone!
Are there no laws to protect women (especially mothers with kids) who pay for these debts but are being PUNISHED or DISADVANTAGED by such inconsiderate men?
Sounds like a narcissist. They're never accountable and will go to no end and beyond to destroy you once you no longer will accept the hell they've been putting you through for year's. I experienced it first hand and I Thank God for taking me out of that life of misery. It was the best decision I ever made, I'm beyond blessed and finally winning in life❤️🙌🏾🥰😍💪🏾
First, let me say, I wish you all the best. But as a black Caribbean woman, who understands what you are trying to convey about the proverbs 31 wife, I think you (and many believes/Christian) have gotten this wrong!! Especially, the women!!! In speaking about you ex husband, it was clear from the jump that you two were unequally yoke. We think being unequally yoke only refers to one being a Christian and the other not, but it’s more than that. He was finically irresponsible, you were not. He had a poor relationship with money, you did not. Hence unequally yoked. A man like that can never appreciate a proverbs 31 woman, as a matter of fact, a woman that strives to be a proverbs 31 wife will (should) never chose the man you yourself describe. Sis this one is on you. Now while, I don’t ascribed to be a proverbs 31 wife ( cause I just don’t have that kind of time or energy) the woman who do ascribe to it, need to ensure that the man is worthy. All the best, but take the lesson.
@Rochelle Dames I like the lesson you share of the Proverbs 31 Woman. I am in agreement of the unequally yoked statement. I think she uses the Reference of Prov. 31 Woman to say she tries by God's grace to uphold her marriage vows as a "Christian" woman, not perfect, but having those Values as a coping mechanism for herself in her marriage. I can relate to her story in many instances and I empathise with her. No one has arrived yet. We all die daily coz we in need of the Saviour for the mistakes we make daily and the consequences of the poor decisions we made in life. Yes many are fooled by the unequally yoked verse, based on their understanding at the time. What I have learnt is that, as another comment suggests the importance of PROFESSIONAL Marriage Counselling. One can marry a christian, BUT as YOU say STILL BE UNEQUALLY yoked spiritually. When we are young our minds don't comprehend all the nitty gritty details of marriage. Marriage is a school where you are guided as a Christian by the Holy Word of God and Holy Spirit and you Do/accept things according to your limuted understanding at that time. So you MAKE the BEST decision YOU THINK at THAT TIME and sadly we ALL make mistakes in life. I admire though her for the COURAGE she has of sharing her story and from the comments one can read How it's affecting the viewers in DIFFERENT ways. Many are GRATEFUL for the LEARNING EXPERIENCE and will TRY their best to make informed decisions. Sometimes things change once people get married eg. Old habits come to the fore or people lose their 1st love for God's Word and lose their Spiritual interest. I always in the past felt inadequate whenever I read Prov. 31, BUT I have learnt that those are merely the characteristics God wants us as women /His precious Daughters to aspire to, BUT He KNOWS we as sinners will NEVER be able to BE the Prov. 31 Woman 100% ALL the time. He as our CREATOR blessed us with Different gifts/skills and wired us DIFFERENTLY. We also come from DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS so He PROVIDES the Strength and Wisdom DAILY if we COME to Him for WHO we KNOW He IS and His CAPABILITIES. I'm sure there's MANY of us who thought we had it all together, but sadly out of ignorance and lack of Spiritual guidance, the enemy comes and attacks our marriages/homes in DIFFERENT ways and we find ourselves in these UNPLEASANT & DEVASTATING situations. I've learnt that God allows us to go through these challenging storms to prune our characters and DRAW us CLOSER to Him so that WE CAN spend eternity with Him, when He comes to fetch the REDEEMED, Who called upon Him in their times of trouble. Thank you for the Prov. 31 lesson you shared on this platform. We serve a FAIR and RIGHTEOUS God. His strength is PERFECT when OUR strength is gone 🙌💖
Maybe, if any woman identifies or sees themselves as the Proverbs 31 woman, it might be a good idea to also study the character/characteristics of the Proverbs 31 husband! Just a thought! Proverbs 31 gives a good insight into the type of husband that matches her.
@@greenstar6092 my dear it is there in that same verse. We just choose to focus on the woman’s part… it says the man has FULL CONFIDENCE IN HIS WIFE AND LACKS NOTHING OF VALUE( It shows the husband is pure loving and trusts his wife) HE IS RESPECTED AT THE CITY GATE( The issue is, we think we are the ones to make them respected; that’s where we are wrong) The man already is one of noble character. HE PRAISES HER ( We all know selfish people don’t know how to be grateful. A man who praises his wife shows he’s selfless). Then the word in the last part says, HONOR HER FOR ALL THAT HER HANDS HAVE DONE… It takes humility to honor!! Again it shows the man is humble. So you see, it is very balanced. We are very concerned about the women we are and rightly so, but please be also conscious about the man. Marriage is a balance not to make one to suffer. I hope the Lord restores you dear sister but more so, I hope you are taught by the Spirit so that, this wouldn’t be repeated. You came with a beautiful and open mind. The only problem is, your husband wasn’t submitted to Christ and knew nothing about what loving and dying for another is; probably you had seen it but thought God let it happen. We should remember that God still gives us the right to choose. Just because something happens doesn’t mean God approves unless, He clearly told you not because you think so. God is a restorer, He will restore.
I think alot of people can learn from your story, thank you for sharing your story. The redflags (lessons that we can learn), that I noted from the beginning of the marriage. 1. He was not on the same level as you financially 2. He lacked financial discipline. 2. Him failing to clear any of his debt and you cleared 100% of it. 3. Him taking zero initiative in everything 4. You bought the house, the car, the furniture. 5. He was not a provider, not a protector (as a Godly Christian husband/Head of the house should be). Side note. I don't think God allows/doesn't allow marriages to happen. He lets people make their own choices (free-will), he doesn't interfere with that. That is why he has given people the right to choose Life (heaven) or Death (hell), so he's not going to force us or make us or allow us, (there is no need for permission or allowance to make a decision) to marry a particular person. We can seek his guidance, but it's up to us to make a decision, so we shouldn't put our bad decisions on God.
It’s very rare to find a person sharing a story while they are going through it, most people are comfortable doing it in retrospect. I admire your courage , transparency and authenticity. You have already conquered in your mind and will surely come out victorious ❤️❤️❤️
It’s crazy how someone can just come into your life and complicate things for you . But you know what Madam speaker? Your a great force and go tlo loka , I love and salute you . Your going to win this battle .
My wedding was called off 6 weeks prior to the wedding date due to financial incompatibility. I now teach women how to plan and prepare themselves financially for marriage. The second leading cause of divorce is due to finances. Ladies, it is essential to plan properly.
Good Afternoon Mme Speaker, I just found that video by accident. However, it's still important to let you know that you're not alone in that struggle. A lot of good and responsible women have been taken advantaged by their husbands and or partners hoping that everything will work out for the sake of their children. But many times it doesn't work that way. The men don't care about family nor the children. Many times they use the children as a pawn. They use and abuse the children mentally and emotionally if they can't do it physically. Many of those men are so subtle and manipulative that it can be very hard to see and realize their subterfuge. Listening to your story makes me wonder how long and sometimes why some of us women have to endure that abuse. You're awesome. You're an inspiration. I've been through a similar experience with my ex partner whom doesn't deserve to be called husband. Many as women we stay in abusive marriage for the sake of children who don't care. We're in denial. We're scared to leave because we worry about social status and culture and or church and family members. It's about time that we stand up and put ourselves first. It's not easy. It's not being selfish. It's being self sufficient. It's taking control of our lives and destiny. I'm happy that you're able to live to tell your story so that many people and women in particular can learn. The process may be long and arduous. But it is doable. I'm speaking from personal experience. Don't be surprised if and when some friends and family members join your ex husband team. Don't beat yourself on the head. Don't blame yourself for what happened. You didn't do anything wrong. You haven't committed any crime. Your ex husband had an agenda. He was on a mission. Now it's mission accomplished. Period. It pains me to accept the fact. It seems unbelievable. But it is real. Now I can share my thoughts and feelings and experiences with you and others because the healing process is taking place. It's too much to say. Rest assured that you're not going to be down for long. If I can be up and "resurrected ", it can happen to you as well. I'm watching you from the States. I'm going to make you on my priority list moving forward. You already have a new subscriber. A new aunt from the States. Be courageous. Be safe.
Loss is something most of us experience. I really hear you on that. I just moved from a large metro area to a small city. I had been in the same place for 13yrs. I tried to sell so much to apply to my moving costs. Nothing would sell, although I have sold online for years. I prayed. God told me I had to experience loss, to understand what others go through. Nothing happens to us that isn't for our good, as long as we are doing the best we can and making right decisions. We can learn from everything and it does make us wiser and better and God uses it in our life to identify with what others experience. I've lost a marriage, a home, a car. God turns all for our good and He surely will for you. Bless you in all things!
I know this is going to sound bad but I have to say it...helping a grown man financially (cleaning up debt, giving him money, using your credit for family things) is NOT good for your husband. The best thing women can do for a man who is not financially, mentally, and/or spiritually for marriage is let him pick himself up before he gets the benefits of wife and kids.
Your story is simillar to mine💔,he was medical bordered for 5 years. Meaning I had to take care of everything for full 4 years. For me selling the house was for me to move on completely as in the neighbourhood everybody calls Mrs ... and I just wanted a fresh start . My affordability are affected obviously because I had to carry family with one salary which was not an easy thing financially and mentally. I'm now staying in one room with my 13 years old son😢it's hard sometimes but I'm at peace👐👐👐. Fortunately for me he didn't demand anything but I'm in debth that I accumulated while I was solely taking care of our family . All the best dear 💖🌷your story will save alot of women 👏👏👏👏👏
No, we all as women we mostly "assumed ", we don't pay attention and we always end up in these situations. I have been there, we just believe in what we want to believe not the reality.
@@dimakatsokatso7805 so true. Even also be honest with ourselves and recognize once the relationship is over that there were red flags we ignored. I lost everything and learned my lessons, and it was my fault.
@@dimakatsokatso7805 true but alot of women growing up aren't taught that... it's only when women already entered the marriage that reality sets in but that's already too late
Me too, I was severely abused almost killed, I had to leave the house, lost the house, and I still have my child, got homeless, he laughs and tells my son, I will come around when she gets off her a. , And gets a place. You will be ok, you have alot of followers that cares about you. And you have GOD.
I couldn't help but be in tears the entire time, I am that child that witnessed by family fall apart and you video just woke alot of pain for me. Wish you strength Sis
Exactly premarital counseling saved my life literally. The pastor told me I would be in trouble if I married him. I listened and broke it off and God gave me a wonderful husband after that.
This story sounded like mine, same set same narrative. One thing I sure regret is to marry down and picking a slack. I have no problem with Christianity but I feel that it made me put up with too much. Lesson learnt
Don’t blame it on Christianity please, take accountability for your own actions, you didn’t do what you did bec of Christianity, you did it bec you want to stay married and have a man so please do not blame God for your mistakes
The same thing happened to me, I said I DO & believed there's no MY MONEY, IT IS OURS. Little did I know I was enabling a monster & he never worked for over 2 yrs & refused to take care of the kids while I worked or went to night school college. When I left & chose myself & my kid, he & his entire family (who all lived on my money) still talk shit about how bad I was. Its been 7 yrs & I am still a hot topic & guess what my ex is doing now, living with his baby mama while she covers all his bills. They can talk all the mess they want about me, I've never been happier to be out of that situation & drop that entire family!
Relationships are hard especially when money is involved. To me your story is saying maybe we should consider PreNup contracts as a common practice in SA, let’s not look at it as something which is done by rich/wealthy people. I am a single and this video got me thinking. I am sad Sesi that you can pay for something and legally be forced to share it with a partner when you divorce. Community Of Property is a scam 😭
Kabelo, just pay attention. When we are in love we don't see the red flags. I have been there, and after I looked back and be honest, I accepted than I wanted the relationship more than my ex and when he didn't want to stay ,he walked away. Pay attention. Be with someone who loves you more than you love him.
@@pheladishaks6226 prenuptial does not cover any assets and investments that was bought and acquired during the marriage. It belong to both of them by the law
Sounds exactly like my story! You always end up broke if you marry a broken guy. They do not love themselves and therefore can never love you! They blame you for everything and anything. Move on and know your worth black woman!
People always say: What God put together let no man Separate. Did God put you together? People should stop blaming God for their mess they call Marriage. Great message sister. 🤩😍🥰
😥😥 i respect women who knows when to leave. Being divorced doesnt take away the experience of being loved. Take away the lessons, you will meet your companion. Pls tag me when you upload the main reason for your divorce, can it really be finances alone or did u fall out of lov? I missed it on ticktok n im scrolling with no success
I am happy that you’re sharing your story because it is impacting a lot of people positively and helping some identify with some hidden past trauma. I am glad you have found a medium to share and get a release yourself, however I personally am offended or have misunderstood your reasoning in saying you did all these things because you’re a Christian woman and proverbs 31 woman. Ladies I too went into a bad marriage and got divorced which was horrid as a Christian woman, I was better off financially and gave up my entire independence in a foreign country for the marriage BUT it was because of my disobedience and impatience. A Christian woman is not necessarily a woman of God or proverbs 31 woman, the proverbs 31 woman is God prepared she is full of wisdom, she has a relationship with God, she is led by God. Not her emotions or pride. I pray you receive your complete healing & that you will continue to grow in the Lord. To each woman watching, especially Christian women move away from religiousness and develop a true relationship with Jesus, allow the Holy Spirit to be your friend…He light your steps. Lastly believe it or not Proverbs 31 is a scripture for men more than it is for women, it is written as a blueprint of what they should look for in a woman, no woman can be all that without the hands of God…🙏🏾
The same God who carried you through the hard times will still carry you through even today.The pain we go through as God fearing women and been easily abused financially as we want to keep the family together including caring for the passive partner who see you as an enemy to be destroyed than a partner to be supported.There's a thin line between love and lies,love and abuse.Big ups for the step of faith to go solo and lifting awareness banner up
I been through same and I lost money im just glad the marriage was only two years it could have been worse.Yooh I lost my child home but God immediately restored it.
God is watching you. You are a blessed strong woman. Remember to thank God for what He is going to do for you. It will all be history. I went through the same ordeal. My ex was a covert narcissist. He wanted to destroy me big time. My God fought for me. Miraculously I won the battle. God will take care of you in the middle of this storm. Remember you are being prayed for.
Before marrying a man or marriage counselling. Be friends first, so that you will know what kind of a man this is. Friendship is comfortable ground for one be their real self, if they are pretentious at some point they will slip up. You must be alert at all times so that you are able to see these slip ups. How will you know if one is financially savvy? Play a game, come up with a small business idea. Or something that will expose his financial acumen. Or go straight to the point and ask about his financial plans and how much does he have in his savings so far. It is a man's duty to PROVIDE, this will never change irrespective how much money you have as a woman. If he has financial goals and has saved up. Go according to his pace and plans, do not try to speed up things just cos you have more money than him. Allow him to stick to his financial plans and as a wife be supportive. What I have learnt so far is that most man can be very slow. The way they process things affects how they make decisions. (they are a whole dynamic on their own). Being desperate does not help.
God will restore to you everything you've lost in the marriage, what he thinks of as ripping where he didn't sow will be more of a curse than blessing.
Wow as a 26 year old young lady, I'm learning and May God be with you and see you through this entire situation. 🙏🏽 We need more of such content for us to learn and be aware of the things that happen in marriages and all... At times religion will be the death of us as individuals.
Assuming one is Christian, if you read and study your bible carefully and ask God to guide you according to His truth religion can never cause your death. The young lady, relating her experiences made a very bad choice in choosing her spouse. You CANNOT be a proverbs 31 woman to an indiscipline, irresponsible, childish man and expect anything better. You cannot get a man out of a boy. Now I am truly sorry for her and understand her pains. My heart goes out to her but she must accept her role in the down fall of her marriage as well, and learn from it going forward.
Not really religion. God gives us signs, some come as genuine red flags such as the man's financial immaturity and poor character. The Holy Spirit can even reveal the heart of the one you're dating, to help you discern if he's a wolf in sheep's clothing. What happens to us as humans is we let our hearts choose over what God may be warning us. I pray for the lady, that God gives her grace and provision for her wellbeing and her children. And that He may reward her hundredfold for what the slimy man has taken from her life, most being peace of mind...because this is stressful🧡
You can’t blame TMH for poor decision making with the free will YOU we’re granted. Red flags are usually very much visible but due to emotion over logic most people are blinded. Also most lack accountability, and aren’t equally yoked with partners they choose to marry.
I'm going through a situation. Your husband sounds like a narcissist. When you learn about the traits of a narcissist, you understand what mission they are on to destroy the person they are with. Getting away from them is the best thing you could ever do for yourself, children and future. Godbless you. You are more than a over comer through Christ Jesus. Xx
Yhoo talk about Narcissist, I know exactly what it means to date a Narcissist. For them a partner is only seen as a SUPPLIER once used it gets discarded and a new Supply is pursued 👎👎👎
Thank you for stating this. God showed me in his time but whew weeeee. They take advantage and beyond and use scriptures to guilt you. He never intended on having a partnership. The pastors doing our marriage counseling did the most damage excusing my pleas saying something aint right and he needs to be held accountable. He is still making a mess to this day. Divorced as of last November THANK YOU JESUS and his mistress just found me on FB this weekend (NO CONTACT) saying she's sorry for breaking our marriage up and he has been cheating on her. HE STILL GOES TO CHURCH the weekend he has the kids. Those narcissists are of the devil. I always told the counselors this man IS NOT SAVED. They boast, they lie, they cheat, they steal, and I know capable of murder. So glad God opened my eyes. Spiritual abuse is the worst.
@@GodsChosenMekAmoR 😂🤣😂 Looks like the mistress is starting to get a good ole taste of humble, karma pie. Now she wanna reach out and talk because he’s transferring the pain to her. I bet she thought she had his nose open. Glad you didn’t respond. She is not your friend!!! 👍🏾
I love your discussion in this video. I lost my home as a result of divorce. Im still picking up the pieces but im stronger and wiser. Keep talking. I was encouraged and empowered.
But Hun it's better to remove his name from the bond, should anything happen to you he will be legally entitled to it... Starting afresh is better, hard but better, God will see you through... He provided you with the first house, He will provide a second house...🥀🌺🌹
As you gave the story I feared for the backlash you would receive. Am currently going through the same and can relate. Well done for the strength to speak out. Women take too long to see and act - it took me 26 years. The devil is always in the details.
It's taken me 33yrs. Red flags always there and knowing what I must do, but always hoping things will change. And this being a Proverbs 31 woman is my undoing, because I've felt I need to live out my vows. Sadly, the reality of it is something else. I blame myself for being stuck in a rut. But am resolved to finding my way out and living my truth!
Thank you for sharing, i thought I was alone in what is happening to me, while listening I cried for the first time about going through a divorce, in similar circumstances. Without divine intervention, at 51 I stand to lose a house I paid for in full alone by grace of my God. In Kenya you are at retirement age by 55-60years. Am trusting God to see me through.
It is so sad 😔 that this to you is real and not just a story. Your experiences to some of us is an eye-opener. Thanks for being strong enough to share.
You do speak life to us. Your videos and Nozibele ngqamngana 's videos got me out of a very very dark place. I would pray a video just to get out of a dark cloud
I believe if we put the energy into mastering ourselves, both men and women a lot of pain can be prevented. Putting energy into preserving a mans' dignity takes away from him working on his own problems and adds to him being a liability. However thank you for sharing your true story without shame. In essence these were lessons that will add to your value as a woman. You're helping many of us women avoid similar and you will make much better decisions in your future.
