@@Baba-sq5mr My cousin is like this actually she doesn’t want me to put off the fats when I’m still fat while she just loses it for herself which caused some conflicts between me and her since she doesn’t let me do whatever I want with my body unless if she approved it and she can do whatever she wants with her body but just reject any fast foods she offers unless if it’s cooked with good oils and no blends like olive oils, coconut oils, avocado oils and animal fats. Be a rebel!
When I glowed up, I lost friends too and girls around me have become a lot shadier towards me as a result. Girls are always trying to find ways to break me down as well. It’s so disappointing to be honest. I feel you!
@@ChillingTales12 i am 17, i lost about 50 pounds over the past year and a half, most of my friends are lesbians, a couple who are lesbians slowly started acting worse and worse. sexuality doesnt change anything if someones just an asshole
I had a glow up before/during the pandemic & then started to glow down due to depression & isolation. When my glow down started happening, my friends at the time jumped at the chance to start calling me ugly & making jokes about my clothing choices, like they couldn't wait to see my confidence & social currency go down so that they could pile up on me. I'm now working on glowing up again, but it's so much harder than before. This video has given me the motivation I need.
if "friends" don't stick around just cause you glowed up or glowed down, then they were never your true friends to begin w/, those who want you for you are much harder to find for reasons that should be obvious, but are nevertheless worth keeping around, cause those are the people who're clearly willing to help you to be the best version of yourself instead of just turning the other cheek and running as soon as things get tough... w/ that said however, how the people you thought were your friends and acquaintances treated you before, is the sorta reason why I don't usually talk to a lot of people in general, rather I opt for keeping my distance altogether while confiding in a few close friends whom I already share similar (if not the same) hobbies and interests w/
"I'm still the same person.. I just look better now!" That's exactly all it is, between family, friends, and work... it's very interesting seeing how people behave around you once you work on yourself more. Even if it comes with negatives, the absolute confidence I have now since becoming healthier, happier, more driven outweighs EVERYTHING.
You are not the same person, you may feel the same however to lose weight you change your lifestyle and habits, it is often a state of mind... The thing is people change with time and with time losing weight is just a quicker change and sometimes people don't like this evolution. I know people who lost friends because they didn't change mature since middle school 😅
In another case, some people there are cases of people who can't deal with the realization that you are not the fat friend anymore. This is the kind of person who puts people with labels because they have a hard time with the unknown, the idea that they don't know you. You can know someone for years and still discover things about them 😅
@@zlrivo It varies, some people forget where they come from and become condescending and/or arrogant, but others still possess the humility when interacting with friends and family
My mother was 87 and had advance dementia when she died. I was her caregiver and when I would help her get ready in the morning she would be shocked at her appearance she saw in the mirror. Now that she's gone it breaks my heart on how she still had that desire to be attractive even though her dementia made her unrecognizable from her former self. There's nothing wrong with wanting to make the most of what you have or even improve on it
I see this internal battle in my mother now: she genuinely misses all the fun she had in her 20's and 30's when she and her friends would do their makeup and put on outrageous heels and outfits and go out and have fun together. She's still friends with all of them, to the point they're my aunts and uncles, but for years now she's seemed to think dressing up and having fun was only okay because she was young, and now that she's "old" it'd be shameful to do those same things. Even for something small like dying her hair back to how it was (a vibrant red with huge curls, no dye or curlers needed), she'll only go for "strawberry blonde" so the difference between her undyed hair and dyed hair isn't "noticeable", but then she'll be upset if people don't notice that her hair looks "better". I'm trying to gas her up and encourage her bit by bit, but it's so hard to chip away at her rigid worldview, which is highly informed by her religious upbringing that was obsessed with "sinful" behavior. Honestly, I'd settle for her just taking days off from work at her small business; she's financially secure, but she still works so hard it's physically hurting her and she's somehow confused about why her feet hurt constantly when she stands on concrete floors for a /minimum/ of eight hours a day.
@@CapriciousCaprine I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for her. I have somewhat similar issues with feeling like I can’t do a certain thing unless I appear a certain way, lest it be “shameful”. I’ve faced bs from my dad being a flamboyant guy that likes to dance, and I struggle with feelings of shame revolving around whether I look “good enough” to dance. All I know to say is that I hope your mom regains her confidence! No matter your age, you can always slay the day away!!
why is the problem always the victim? this kinda mindset is exactly why i support body-NEUTRALITY. you shouldnt be treating people differently based on appearance. its literally kindergarten behaviour and mindset that "ugly = bad".
It really depends. Sometimes you can just tell people don’t take care of themselves purposely, so yes you’ll be conflicted by their presence (obviously that doesn’t mean you should result to violence) but people will judge you
yeah but there’s still ppl out there with that mindset. ppl are still gonna judge you, so its best to just do what you can to better yourself and treat others (& yourself) with more kindness.
I do like the idea of body neutrality, although I’ve heard that it’s a bit iffy for some people (notably people with health complications/compromised immune systems). It’s hard to accept a body when it’s actively working against you.
@@Mybabyonthetrees May I just ask, what do you mean by “purposefully?” I’m genuinely curious here, as I find it hard to imagine someone that would intentionally neglect taking care of themselves. Maybe it’s because I make a distinction between doing someone with purposeful and willed intention vs being influenced by things like illness (mental or physical), peers, circumstances, etc
Honestly, growing up i started to care less and less about glow ups. You start to care less about what others think of you as you get older, because opinions are subjective. Don’t live for anyone’s pleasure, live for your own. And being respectful towards your true authentic self, makes you more open towards people and more confident. It may trigger some people, but that’s their issue. They need to work on themselves, not you, they are the problem.
Basically, live for yourself. And they are the problem, i know that sounds harsh. But it is true, their deciding to project their insecurities onto you.
@@superspaceponywaters1815 Right! The only thing I care a lot about would be how I look and my health while other insignificant things don’t matter much for me. Even if others tell me their opinions matter I would tell them it truly doesn’t unless if I was a slave like them only if I wanted to respond to them really.
i love your way of thinking, it’s a mindset i’ve been trying to adopt for my own life! i tend to really dislike “glow-up culture” (is that a thing?) and the concept of a “glow-up” in general because it makes me feel pressured to focus on looks. I was raised to think appearance corresponds with my worth and value as a person, and it’s tiring. It’s been so heavily burned into my brain since i was in kindergarten that I’m hoping eventually, I’ll get so exhausted I’ll just stop caring about how others view me.
Same. 😊 I care about functionality, mobility and overall health. Naturally end up looking healthier because I am healthier. Not looks based, health based.
They way I lost ALL of my “friends” after my glow up. It’s so heartbreaking seeing people you loved and trusted and was always there to cheer up and support suddenly putting you down, isolating you, talking shit about you all while simultaneously copying you and getting possessive and emotionally abusive just because you dyed your hair, updated your style, went to the gym and got a journal and a therapist. Like wtf ppl. I’m so proud of myself for having the strength to stand up for myself instead of apologising for my existence and dimming myself for others… jfc
Honestly losing weight straight up causes a horrible existential dread because once you’ve lost the weight, you always have to ask yourself ‘Do they like me because of me? Or do they like me because of my looks?”
Hmm I just noticed I've never had to ask myself whether I worry if people are with me for my looks or not; for better or for worse as they say? But I've never fit the beauty standards in my opinion. My weight has always fluctuated and I'm probably at my heaviest I've been today. I did have a short phase of where I worked out and was feelin and looking good, even got compliments, etc. but I think all in all how I've been able to "avoid" that worry or "bad friends" in general, is that I'm very introspective and have worked on my inner character and values for a long time. I look for people who share those same values as me and I think that's where an aspect of "real recognize real" comes in. I can tell when people are being genuine with their intentions based on my own experience with my integrity. It doesn't matter if they're pretty or not. It's all in their actions and what they say- you have to listen. Are the actions consistent, etc. I'd say start exploring what it means to be your own friend
That’s a valid question, but then on the flipside you can ask why do they keep me as a friend when I’m not “pretty”. Is it because I make them look good?
I’m in that weird limbo phase, where I’m not as “ugly” as I used to be in HS, but I’m still no where NEAR how I want to look like or how I want to feel. But I know that this phase in important, bc without this limbo phase, then there would be no transition at all. And life is all about transitions!
The girls in the friend group of my husband’s friends (we’re all couples and have known each other since highschool) have started treating me crumby after my glow up. They honestly just stopped talking to me at all, and I do know for a fact they’ve talked shit about me bc I’ve been told so by someone not in the group anymore. So disappointing. Thank god for my bestie and other buddies bc they save me from spiraling into thinking I’m just unlikeable trash because of it.
Beauty is one thing but ever since getting fit most of my enjoyment comes from feeling physically powerful. I cant really describe the high I get from running so fast the wind noise becomes so loud you can’t hear anything, or the loud bang I make when I kick the heavy bag hard. Your youth is precious boys and girls, don’t waste it, cause its not just attention and sex you’re missing out on.
It’s not just about youth though. Some People in their 70 are still doing amazing things physically because they took care of themselves. I want longevity, I don’t want to be in a nursing home when I’m older.
@@Las645yep i started seriously working out because im going to be a nurse working with immobile patients. strength and mobility to save my back and knees from ruin in the future lol
"I never wanna go back to that point, I never wanna put anybody down." THIS!!! After I stopped treating myself like shit I realized I had so much love to give to other people, I just hadn't been giving it to myself.
Just a friendly reminder that needs it, when we finally get to a point of ‘glowing up’ let’s remember to be kind to those that are working on themselves, and to not be hard on our previouselves to the point of shaming and hating our previous self. It was just a point in our lives that leads us to a better outcome.
Y’all, make sure to put in the extra effort to keep the good friends you had before your “glow-up.” When I was heavier, this dude started talking to me, and we became friends. He was always really sweet. He said many times how cool he thinks my overall vibe and personality is, and that he always feels very happy when he sees me (he always gets a big genuine smile whenever he sees me). He was one of the few guys who would actually seek me out to hangout. He often chose to talk to me, even when he didn’t have to. He genuinely likes being around me, and I love being around him. After I lost weight, I knew that people would treat me different, and that I could now attract (platonically or romantically) shallow people. I knew it was important to keep around the people who I know aren’t shallow. The people who already saw value in me for qualities outside of my weight and WANTED to be around me. I’m still friends with all of those people now. Including the guy. If you’re a fat girl, it is really rare to meet a guy who wants to be around you enough to CHOOSE to talk to you, even when he didn’t have to. It’s rare to find a guy who won’t ignore you just because you’re fat. I used to think that was just how men fundamentally are with women, and that I should cut them some slack, but this guy definitely raised my standards. A lot of people are just shallow.
“Use your pretty privilege for good” YES that is a great message sending love and respect for that! My weight has fluctuated before. I think it’s made a difference. 15 or 20 pounds can really change a lot. Maybe a large part of the treatment is influenced by how you feel about yourself to, knowing that you’re desirable.
I glow up and I also became a badass. I used to be your typical timid girl who always looks gloomy. But now I hit the gym and started to have confidence in myself. Now, I always talk and point things out if I someone hurt me or say bad things about me. I used to just bottle up my feelings and that made me feel really sad and made me choke with anger which has been building up inside me since I was young. My glow up and my angers burst out at the same time. I have been putting up with people and their behaviors for so long and now I am unable to put up with their bs. Now I got more enemies..... cus I point out the people who try to hurt me...
Better than nothing. That's why honesty hurts to most people, they don't like it when they got called out for their bs behavior. Anyhow, keep going girl! I'm also thinking about getting a glow-up but not yet because I want to focus on my mental health issues first. I already accepted that reality can be very harsh which is true with societal expectations. As for the people who thought her being cold, no it isn't. There's a reason why stoicism mindset existed, which brings people peace and love for themselves without forcing onto people. We are quiet, truthful to ourselves and we don't disrespect people's values, that's why having values and personality makes yourself more quality over quantity.
I got bullied a lot when I was younger, I was chubby, didn't style my hair very well, people spread rumours about me calling me a man and saying "wait until he hits puberty" (I'm a cis female) I've recently started growing my hair out, I've lost a lot of weight, I'm dressing more how I'd like to dress and feel confident with it and I've gone from "ugly" to "average" I've never ever been catcalled by a man but I get hit on by women often and I'm not the beauty standard, but people treat me like a normal human being and boys don't laugh at me anymore, I'm treated like I'm a girl and I have a boyfriend. Crazy how your hair length, weight and upkeep can go such a long way, I consider myself attractive but I seem to come off much more attractive to women than I do men still
growing up I would get picked on by my mother and older sister on my skinny appearance, it was super awful and caused me to spiral into bad habits and depression it took me so f-ing long to feel comfortable, happy, and confident in my body. I wish the best for young girls out there who are struggling with a parental figure criticizing them, it breaks my heart, please know that you are growing into who you are and still have time to bloom, you will bloom on your own time not on anyone else's time, for anyone else.
Keep going girlie. You are right and never let anyone make you doubt yourself. I am going through the same situation right now. I was depressed, ugly, bullied. It all spiraled negatively. But you have to lift yourself up because nobody else will. And just like you said, once you get to a more positive state of mind, you can help others get there as well. We are healing in a world full of people who refuse to acknowledge they are hurt
i dont think body positivity is wrong actually. for me body positivity is recognizing the situation you're in and actively working to improve yourself for your own well being all while learning to accept yourself. i think you can be body positive while actively encouraging others and making the effort to have healthy routines. what would be wrong is leading people on to believe that its okay to stay in the current position they are in even if in the end it doesnt benefit them at all, especially in the aspect of health. because if we're being real, every weight isnt safe for your body
This is why I stopped looking "pretty". I mean walking out with make up and glowed up. I hate when people are looking at me and observing me. Also women were mean to me. Men were nice but mostly hitting on me. The woman treated me like I was dumb. Now I walk in nature. No make up at all.
Do what makes you happy, not necessarily for or against the approval of others. I love doing a little glow up, but I also love being low maintenance at times.
This is exactly what I went through. Women mocked me and treated me like I was below them mentally. Men only treated me nicely, because they wanted something. Humans can be creepy.
I think body image is genuinely a skill-sure some people are gifted (in the sense they don’t have to try that hard like others) but with time I think everyone has to work on it in some way because we all experience change. I really liked your perspective about looking at beauty as an improvement that opens opportunities-I’m very insecure about my nose, and only was ever made fun outwardly one time by 2 girls in my foreign exchange program who bonded over making fun of me. I reflect on it now, and understand that it was a stressful and lonely time for all of us. Sometimes I think others need the validation to be more beautiful than you. And now I’m at an age, that I don’t see beautiful women as a threat or “competition” but women that I can learn from.
It’s hard but important to remember that when we shine, we’re no longer in the box they put us in, we’re no longer serving the purpose to them that we once did. It’s them, not us. We have to find those who won’t dim our light
i searched this topic and this was the first video to pop up. i lost 120lbs and it scares me when I go outside and people hold doors open for me, ask for my number, find a reason to say hi, even follow me home. girls are mean to me in group settings, people trying to sabotage my wellness. i still don't know what to do , ps I'm still "fat" lol all that changed is the laughing and stares turned into jealous girls and creepy guys talking to me constantly in the grocery store
Being thin doesn't automatically mean you get pretty privilege. You also need to fit what's seen as pretty by the majority of society I am and was really skinny my whole life. It was because of my great metabolism, because the things I like to eat and the amount of food I consume could make most people fat. Especially since I don't have an active lifestyle. And I was never treated the way "pretty" people are. Though maybe I didn't got that privileged treatment as I never tried to look like an "ideal girl". Even when I reached high school which is where most girls go crazy about their looks, I just kept myself neat looking. As in made sure my clothes are clean, I don't smell bad(without the use of perfumes, just used deodorants) and that my hair is brushed. The clothes are wore on a daily basis were casual and during cold weather really baggy. Never got any attention, including from boys. I was never told I was ugly, which means that without trying super hard to make myself prettier I'm painfully average. I'm also not really feminine in looks which is certainly what my surroundings see as attractive in a woman. I do wonder if things will change if I would made any glow up attempts. Like the clothes I have are not exactly what I would like to wear or that make me feel pretty, at least most of it. But that would require money and atm I can't afford the clothes I would prefer. Well in any case, at least I don't have to worry about my safety that much. Since with my average looks I don't exist for like most if not all guys lol. I've yet to be bothered by anyone in public
trift store are great to find good clothes without the need to spend too much you can found gems really , I actually like it and people when they see me they are you always wear beautiful clothes .
6:50 you say that accepting yourself is bandaid solution while changing the situation would be a permanent fix, but I don't think it's as simple as that. If you decide to not practice much self acceptance and let your feelings of inferiority fuel you to lose weight and glow up, that is also a bandaid solution. Because whenever your weight fluctuates or something about your appearance changes, you will feel like shit. Remember that life happens, people age. Most people gain weight over age, and physical traits associated with aging are generally not conventionally attractive. You could get ill, get into an accident, any number of things that could stop you from constantly keeping up your physical appearance. So yes, you can glow up and come into the not fat/attractive person that you are, but body positivity and body neutrality are always necessary. Having your self esteem hinge so much on attractiveness is a bandaid solution. Not to mention you can add to the toxicity, looking down on other fat/ugly people because that's how you would think of yourself if you looked like them. People don't give attention and validation to fat and ugly people? Why not become the change you want to see and work on undoing your biases so you see people equally? Why not focus on finding people who don't center physical appearance and also try to undo biases within themselves? Not just pity them because oh, it's so sad they don't have the willpower to make themselves pretty too. Like you realize attractiveness is relative right? No matter how pretty everyone gets there will always people considered less attractive, cause that's how a comparison works.
i don't know if i had that dramatic of a glow up but i def think i look better than before, yet i don't feel the pretty privilege thing... i plan to take better care of my skin and work out more so ig i still have more glow up to do, but honestly, from someone who never got compliments and still don't, i hope people start treating me better. i hate being treated as invisible.
tbh i went from someone who got no compliments to a lot and i can say it feels weird idk if it’s just me but i’m not use to people complimenting me but when they do i feel like they are being fake about it or something i could just be paranoid because i’m still not use to it. i use to workout but stopped because i started getting self conscious so i can say it’s not for everybody but you are beautiful keep going and you can do it!!
🤷🏻♀️ the body that everyone thinks is a glow up now is the body that everyone ridiculed when I was in high school. Literally, I’m back down to my high school size, and the same people who used to mop at me are asking me how I did it, in my inbox talking about “damn I used to have a crush on you and still kinda do”, like absolutely not, all of you can stay the hell away from me.
I know that's not the point of this video but as a lesbian I already found you extremely physically attractive before your glow up lol, anyways a glow up is not just about looks but also the fact that you're taking better care of yourself, gaining more confidence etc, acting from self love makes you as a person more attractive as well. Sadly though there's also always those people that keep you around because you make them feel better about themselves and they end up showing their true colors. I can't lie, if a friend in my vicinity suddenly had a glow up it might make me feel insecure, mostly because it would remind me of all the things I could be doing but am not, like going to the gym or being more healthy and ambitious. I would never negatively project this onto my friends though, personally I love having people around me that inspire me- after all there's a saying that we are made up of parts from the people closest to us. If I'm surrounded by people who are ambitious, creative, have their own style, who treat themselves healthily, who are social and pursue things that bring them joy rather than focussing on the negative, all those traits wear off on me, wether by me being inspired to "copy" them or for example by them inviting me along to outings and thus making me more outgoing as well. We can all profit off one another and if you constantly compare yourself and want to be the most attractive or smartest or whatever else in your friendgroup, you'll just end up stuck in one place and I doubt you'll ever feel fully content with yourself! And in a true friendship you should want the best for your friends, support them in growing and feel happy for them, and ones heart and soul should matter more than superficial factors
The worst part about gaining weight after being underweight all of my life, from unknown pcos, thyroid issues etc. It's the fact that I found comfort in finally being left alone by men for no longer "trying". It wasn't until I started yearning for my femininity in the last 6 months or so that I realized how disturbing it is that I didn't want to look approachable or pretty for my own safety??? It warped my brain all of my early 20s.
@_bebeboudeur_ exactly! I never let myself dress the way I wanted either for the same reason, even when I was a teenager. I was made to feel like a man as a little girl too. So I dressed more masculine out of safety for a long time as well.
Thanks for making this video. As a guy who recently lost some weight and bettered their appearance I've noticed sometimes I'll make myself smaller with self-depreciating comments to help the people around me feel comfortable. I've been unattractive most of my life and now some people will put me on a pedestal and it's uncomfortable to say the least.
OMG thank you so so much for bringing this to light. So many of us are competitive as women to be prettier/the prettiest. And for what? Men to objectify you. So true that appearance is the least interesting thing about you.
I gained a little weight and now that I’m plump, people are so much friendlier! I wasn’t even skinny enough to be a model before, but everyone acted like I was one of those stuck up mean girls if I just said hello. I’m the same person, but now people assume I’m nice and treat me nice. It’s so weird.
This video resonates with me. I remember going through the lowest point of my life that impacted my diet and body. When I eventually went through the healing process and the "glow up" I also noticed the drastic changes in the reactions from my friends who showed subtle jabs against me and family members who negatively commented on myself whether it was going to the gym or vanity.
8:14 currently im going through this phase unfortunately. i think not having a lot of friends when i was younger really impacted my self confidence and my willingness to try new things. i want to start learning dancing but im really scared of going to classes alone by myself. hopefully i have the confidence to try a lesson one day :((
Now that i’m 27 and have struggled with this topic a lot in my late teens/early twenties: One thing I really want to stress is that people who will be mad at you for „looking better than them now“, are NOT your friends. In the sense that if you are striving to keep healthy relationships with the people around you, you need to back off and let them grow on their own terms. Keeping them around while they still arent grown out of this behaviour will just hurt you in the long run. Also works the other way around as well, if you find yourself becoming bitter torwards someone for these reasons, take a step back and reevaluate how you see the world, yourself and others. Dont bring your friends down or anyone for something they are happy to have achieved. Thats not what friends do.
this summer i decided i wanted to really glow up, i wanted to change myself for good im so glad i found your channel, you re really helping me a lot and you re inspiring me to start working out again (i kinda quit in june). for reference, im 14 and i weigh around 57-60kg and im 155cm tall. im tired of people, especially classmates, making fun of me regarding my looks, so im gonna make a drastic change this summer. i swore that to myself. thank you so much for the time you put into those videos and thank you for creating your channel and being who you are. you re my idol🩷
I think body positivity isn't inherently a bad thing, in my opinion it's about loving your body and treating it with respect so you can be healthy and happy. Also, with "beauty standards"..... a lot of that is fake. Magazines and ADs use heavy editing, filters, photoshop, makeup, etc. I think it's way better to embrace your natural beauty and features.
You sharing this to help others is really good. You’re really brave. 🙂 I saw your other video and I feel like there is were finally people that understood me and my weighted feelings, yea that feeling when I’m carrying too much emotions and don’t know how or scared to let them go and the one that it actually kills is me. Yea I feel like might go psycho any day because of the stress. :)))
ive learned extreme empathy and compassion for my fellow humans and forced myself to grow as a person to make up for my appearance. so when i glowed up, i was grateful because now i feel happy with who i am. i feel beautiful on the outside and the inside.
The instrumental trap music in the background didn’t really go with the vibe of the video- but I do really enjoy your content! Really looking forward to where you will go with this channel :)
i used to wear baggy clothes all the time and i used to be the girl who sat in the back in a corner then a guy asked me out started dating him for a bit and because i started dating someone i started to dress nice for him got my hair done and i wore something that hugged my figure for once and all his friends kinda stared at me and were surprised and thought i was a totally different girl 💀 and then people were wanting to be my friend and wanting to talk to me and when i did i realized most of the people i talked to were fake af and my bf at the time was toxic af so i just went back to my old "style" to what made me feel comfortable because ive had bad experiences when i didnt wear baggy clothes
I think one thing to remember is that every type of person has the potential to be toxic. When I was younger, I thought it was the high maintenance girls that were always toxic until I got to know a few that were genuine and kind. When I stopped being hyper low maintenance I would get embarrassed whenever other low maintenance friends would shame me for trying different styles, makeup, skincare, or healthy eating. The point is to treat one another with a sincere kindness no matter what they look like and no matter what their habits or lifestyle is.
Starting my glow up journey. One other youtuber said similar to you that it makes economic sense for women to be slim, trim , and as attractive as they can in our patriarchal society. I'm tired of facing a fat penalty.
Thanks so much for everything you brought up in this video. I really appreciate your discussion on the negatives of glow ups because I can really relate. Hearing about your personal discomfort from lingering eyes of more men is a comforting feeling because that really bothered me when my looks shifted at the age of 18. Additionally I appreciate your perspective on friends turning on you when they now see you as competition since that really struck home with me. So happy to have found your channel!
I definitely was an ugly duckling to swan situation, my friend confided in me years later that she was jealous all along of me even if the attention I got was not pleasant. I recently noticed how even after reconnecting with her heart to heart she still treats me pretty poorly whether she realizes it or not. Its sad, I barely have anyone to have as bridesmaids for my wedding. Making new friends is hard but with going to the gym more Im hoping to make more friends again. Its like you said, most people are fine but sometimes someone will just not like you because they put you on a pedestal and then are mad you’re up there.
I’m glad you improved yourself. You seem very intelligent and empathetic. Your experience with the singer should be self explanatory. She has issues. When one has insecurity and you meet someone you think better than you, when they behave inexplicably it’s often really damaging as it feels like it’s “wow I’m so worthless that they reacted that way”. It’s not. It’s that they have deeper insecurities and serious issues. Because it’s not normal to just hurt people in a very humiliating way for no reason. A part of her was gaining satisfaction from feeling “above” people and seeing that it hurts people to deny them recognition. So don’t feel bad about it. Any person I’ve known that shows this pattern of behaviour or so n hurtful things like that, e.g the most popular girl in our school cluster was like that, she’d scream or humiliate random people for talking to her. She knew she could do that and still everyone would fawn over her and as she was popular everyone would still cater to her. That was so many years ago and nobody cares about high school popularity now, I truly wonder how she copes with life or if she still enjoys getting 300 likes every picture with her 3000 facebook friends.
It’s like the lyrics “people say I got happy just because I got skinny but the old me is still me and maybe the real me and I think she’s pretty” that’s my exact experience
I didn’t glow up ,but I’ve lost friends so I click this video. I’m introverted and no friends or anyone to support and help in my journey Currently at my lowest depression for months and lost friends in December 2023 because I quit my last job due to trauma and I just wanted to be alone from anyone for awhile to recover my mental state but ended up not having improvement as I got eczema and the itching irritates me I can’t focus on anything it’s stabbing burning when it flares up and I couldn’t cope with it , at the beginning I was cleaning dust to keep place clean but then it became so tiring and I gave up because I flare up from touch of dust it’s frustrating I feel such lost of hope , unless I have a maid or helper to made my life easier . I’ve been 80 plus kg before at my heaviest now my weight drop to 70 plus , no diet, no change in food I just eat slow due to too much on mine mind and sometimes o skip meals cause I just no appetite and sleep through the day. I cried almost every day this year out of other years , I didn’t cry this much in my teen years, I’m an adult and I feel miserable and lonely.
14:30 i completely relate. After i met new people after my “glow-up” I realized that my friends were getting jealous of me and it feels weird and awful. Or they will assume that everything is handed to me, and I don’t have issues. It’s strange
its such a dilemma bc whats the point of all that attention if its not genuine? like i DONT want the favour of people that wouldnt accept me when im ugly but at the same time i cant escape the system
This happened to me. I was an overweight/obese teen. At 18 I weighed 230 lbs. After that, I lost 100 lbs and became a cross country athlete. I lost all of my friends that were guys growing up, because they just wanted to date me. It really made me rethink every social experience growing up. I have a new appreciation for my experience of being friend zoned because of weight as well as a new understanding of how men's brains work in large part. While I like how I look and feel much more nowadays, I kind of miss how I was treated when I was heavier in a way. I can't have male friends for the most part without someone catching feelings.
ive always been skinny af and really flat chested and things like that. im really short too and ive always had long hair and a big nose and stuff, ive never been treated well by the people around me either because im not conventionally pretty. i look awkward and out of place a lot of the time. i dont know how to "glow up" because a lot of it is just losing weight and getting a haircut, but i really cant afford to lose any weight and my face is so awkward and ive had so many different haircuts and none ever looked any good on me. idk, i know im rambling but i feel very lost as to how to "glow up", im sick of how i look, i know i have more potential that what i am. im 21 years old bro, im so bored of my appearance.
this, people assume skinny people have no problems until you're not the "perfect" hourglass figure, if you're skinnier than that then you're a stick. All i see online is how to lose weight or some odd workout plan.. and people do treat you exactly how they see you, a stick.
Your videos are so compassionate and I respect that sooo much ❤ I know the struggle and I think it’s so important to be kind to those still in it. I still want to lose about 40 pounds and you’re helping motivate me 🫶 tysm
Your looks directly influence how people perceive and treat you, and how people perceive and treat you directly influence the way you act and think (personality). This applies to 99% of humanity, and it's a pill we have to swallow if we ever want to care about another human again. Misanthropy has been the natural conclusion for me. We are inherently shallow. It is what it is.
i relate with everything you said but that also made me look at it from an alternate perspective. everything in our reality is essentially neutral until we assign meanings to them so at the end of the day, it's simply we who assumed that we'd lose certain friends and people would be jealous of our glow up. i realized it when i thought about how i've always seen being skinny and pretty as something unattainable and i was myself envious of people who were so, that's why i assumed when i become the same, i'll have to face jealousy from others as well. i remember thinking throughout my life that i was unworthy of male attention because i was fat and that's why i didn't get it. but i've had slimmer boys be attracted to me when i was fat, in fact many of them, and i simply chose to ignore it or not believe that i was capable of truly being liked. i assumed they were simply "desperate" 💀 what we choose to pay attention to is eventually what defines our beliefs and in turn that leads to our perception of reality.
I have a sister that is overweight she has been basically our whole life, whereas I have always been very thin all of mine. And while I can say strangers and men have always treated me very well besides the weird ones, when it comes to older women and other family members the difference is stark. Especially when we were growing up she was bombarded with compliments from my family and others while mine were given out in secret so she wouldn't hear. Before she became an adult i can remember how she was treated with a victim mentality and i wasn't. While both me and my sister were very good at art with similar amounts of skill to it i was never recognized for it because art was her's and my thing was being pretty. First impression wise by many stangers who are women would always treat me as i am some vain brat and act so surprised when i am nice but with my sister they are immediately comfortable around her and sweet.
Opposite in my family. I had lots of thin cousins that got lots of compliments. My grandma often called me piggy (not obese but I was always an overweight kid), and I was often excluded from cousin trips or family get togethers.
I don't fully agree with some of your statements, but I can sympathize with your hurt about being treated differently bc you didn't fit a beauty standard. You talked about how a celebrity ignored you because you were plus sized and then when you looked her up after the interaction you deemed her not pretty when she started as well. It perplexes me bc it seems like you might be doing the same when you call plus sized people who embrace their bodies "stubborn" and "don't want to help themselves". It's a complex you gain when you lose weight and its a sign you still connect your worth to how others view you which is not really all that different to how you viewed yourself when you were plus sized. I don't see then how this is a glow-up if you are still subjugated to the beauty standard but in a different way. You do talk about how insecure people will make fun of you regardless at the end of the video which confuses me because earlier in the video you do exactly that and are shaming overweight people. Decentralizing physical beauty is a lifelong road and yes our whole society is based off of it, but that doesn't mean since you can't beat it you just have to follow it. It's difficult to change your view of this world, but I promise you life becomes so much better when you stop seeing people as either ugly or pretty; it changes how you treat them and ultimately how they feel around you is what affects them not your looks.
OK, I’m so glad that somebody else saw what I saw. I feel like she does make a few good points, but I just think that she is a little lost in the physical glow up sauce. And I’m not judging her for it like I understand and I can see why she feels that way from where she came. But something that really made me double take was her thinking that self acceptance and improving yourself are mutually exclusive. She keeps talking about how fat people and people who “don’t want to improve themselves” " living life on hard mode", but how do we know they're not improving in other ways? Internally? She thinks that because they are conventionally unattractive or fat, they need to do what they can to fix that and can’t understand why they don’t. It seems to me that she can't understand people being happy and unconventionally attractive (mainly when she said even if you accept how you look you'll still feel bad, which is straight up projection). It’s coming from the same type of superficial lens that she claims she hates seeing from others when they interact with her, because she, like them, is focusing on appearance (and seems to have a bit of a weight bias, which again, I understand where it comes from). This “if you can’t beat it, join it” mentality does more harm than good in my opinion. If you’re going to change, change because you want what’s best for you, and it’s coming from a place of genuine care and of your own choice. Don’t do it so that you can cash into the system, because you can end up looking down on others for not doing the same, as one side effect. In addition, I agree that at the end of the day its not about how you look. I think it's rather what you care about, because this influences how you see people who don't fit the standard and trust me, we can tell. I would say I'm average, but I have many friends who happen to be very beautiful. I could tell that a now ex friend of mine got validation from being seen as prettier than me, because it was reflected in her interactions with me and how I was treated by the people she entertained. I had realized recently that I often felt left out and ignored in her presence, however I didn't feel the same way with other friends who were also conventionally attractive, because they don't tie their self worth to their appearance and judge others by this standard. I now realize that in many ways she did, and so that attracted others who did too. While I don't judge her for that, that wasn't an environment I wanted to stay in.
As a man we experience the same. I lost 50 pounds and went down to 170lbs with lean muscle. The field i work in has a ratio of about 85% women to 15% men and I was getting attention left and right, going on dates, became more popular etc. A few years passed and i lost the motivation to eating healthy and working out. I gained back 40 pounds and get zero attention anymore. I sympathize with anyone regardless of gender who experiences the discrimination of vanity. its soul crushing
It's even worse if you're busty, i had a glow up and had hoardes of guys around me. The girls i (was) friends with call it all out all of the time and would neg me as well. Having a large chest or butt with a small waist is a whole different experience on top of a glow up.
Her comment at 16:18 really is a wakeup call. If you're trying to glow up for people to notice you for your actual values then yeah, it's not going to work like that :(
This is crazy bc she was always beautiful. I was caught off guard to see her “ glow down “ photos. But i absolutely understand how projecting insecurities can make others see you that way. I’m going through it right now.
I'm a dude, but I can tell you this all true for dudes too. As I got better at certain things in my life (looks, confidence, money, etc), people really distanced themselves. At least, some. It was kind of heart-breaking to realize, but I've accepted it for the most part. I love myself. I have compassion for myself for now even if they do not. I worked hard, and was always kind to them regardless of their station/place in life. The fact that they couldn't provide me with the same was sad, but at the end of the day very informative.
It hurts to be judged on appearance, yet if you love yourself from the inside out and do things that make you feel good - be it in dress, hair, make up, exercise - and you Glow - that's what matters. You can see the beauty on the inside and out, take pleasure in that - for yourself and others - no matter what. Thank you for your telling experience, openness and encouragement toward self and others. 😊💖🎉 Celebrate Yourselves and one another each and every day 💐!!
People who say looks don't matter are capping thier ass off, and everyone wants to be your friend when they want something from you, which why I don't do friends nor do I belive in complements, because I know half of it is just pointless flattery. But that's just how I roll 👍🏿
I think the reason they were so nice before could stem from a feeling of superiority. Like they feel bad for the ugly duckling and try to hang out with them more as if they're doing you a favor. Almost as if they feel theyre you savior. And then when you did get that glow up they feel that you dont need them anymore and that they wont get that same feeling of im helping out the unfortunate. They will start to feel insecure and try to "put you in your place" by telling you backhanded comments or by putting you down then lifting you back up. But idk who thats just me
I think you also looked cute when you were heavier Mae Alice. The right clothes were all you needed, but MANY girls of all sizes, particularly as they are finding their own style when younger wear unflattering clothes. Am glad you are doing videos though, I thoroughly enjoy them, and think others do too. ✌😊
I work in an all women’s institution and I was absolutely ravaged because I’m the youngest in the cohort. I was asked “why do you have boobs like an 18 year old”, “why do you dress up?” Etc. I’m only mid 20s So many older women would just keep chipping away at me and I wasn’t dressing up to work I wanted to hide and tried by best to wear the simplest grandma clothing, no makeup, nothing to stand out but I was still chipped at. Everyday I would come to work some of my work colleagues actively mimicked by style, but they had contempt for me simultaneously and they would keep asking me why I look young and glowy. Or they would keep comparing themselves to me with snide comments, projecting themselves onto me. If I wore makeup one day, an hour later they would come back to the office with the same look. It made me so uncomfortable seeing older women copy me every single day, and say “I bought the same shoes/lipstick/blouse etc as you” I thought I was going mad and this video is so validating. I hope women can stop breaking other women down. Thanks sis ❤️
I believe you when you say you would never treat anyone the way you were treated but it sounds like you still want the “ugly” people to have a glow up? That’s a little bit confusing
man losing weight is so hard...im dying for like a 7up or wtv frfr. My friends eating krispy kreme in front of me and im losing my mind drinking water and eating cucumbers as snacks.
i have lost around 10 kg for the past few months and my own mother and family keep on calling me a skeleton and even shamed me for being nearly as thin as my brother while complaining about being overweight,they start shoving extremely horrible foods onto me and forced me to consume them,its like they stopped seeing me as a person,all i ever wanted for myself is to feel better in general
I am really curious what kind of friends do ya'll have or is this an american thing? Cause damn, i've never seen friends get jealous over another friend who lost weight. Those ain't friends.
I mostly felt how disgusting most men became. And i got wordly attacked, if i ever complainted about anything " You don't struggle, you're skinny and pretty." The only thiung i liked about my glow up, was that i felt hot for myself, but i hated how words from my mouth didn't matter anymore, how stupid people wanted me to be. How disgusted people got, when i acted like myself, while looking attractive, because they wanted a naiv woman, that never spoke. And how my backstory with abuse got seen as, i was a hoe, when i became 'pretty'. Brah' i hate being an object, and not get credits for my hard work, skillsets everything, just because people think you get it all for free, because you're pretty. Like bro. I work hard as well, but don't get seen in my hard work. argh. But also, i don't wanna loose myself agian, and hate my body n face. Why is it that 50/50 of the world is women, but still men have SO MUCH POWER, how. I hate it here. Thank you for reading my very bad english, and comming to my Snailtalk
