Exactly. If you try to fight on your own they become repelled and run further. If one or the other is not willing to fight then there's nothing the fighter can do. It just looks 'desperate' if they try.
I chose our marriage therapist based on the fact that his motto is, "I am not on her side, nor am I on his side. I am on the side of your marriage." I was sold : )
Marriage Helper never teaches you to chase. Nowhere do they suggest that. In fact they teach never to chase. When I came to Marriage Helper I had been chasing my wife. My marriage coach told me to stop chasing her. That’s called a Push behavior. Push behavior’s are things that push your spouse further away from the marriage... and chasing is a push behavior. They teach how to stand for your marriage without chasing. They advise pull behavior’s. Pull behavior’s is what causes your spouse to come back towards you and the Marriage. The biggest pull you can do to save your marriage is to work on “Self”. My wife and I are headed towards reconciliation as a result of Marriage Helper.
I used to agree with this statement, but not anymore. It's got nothing to do with love and everything to do with Attraction. A person can love you and still choose to not come back because the attraction is no longer there. Love cannot exist without Attraction and Respect.
It means love yourself enough to let the things go that don’t benefit you . External love is depending and expecting along with that come self experience. True love is love within yourself
Marriage means marriage of the mind . Honor thy mother and father means . Honer Mother Earth and the father above meaning the cosmos , our dna is from the cosmos , fact not thought . Research it . Love thy neighbor as yourself means Love and respect your body and the one next to you, the soul that leaves your body , that is your neighbor .
I love him and still attracted to him and even want him badly but I won't come back to him cause I don't trust that he won't hurt me like he did before again !
@@sawssenfid1398That's not love. That's a combination of pride, and fear holding you back. Exactly like what my ex did to me and chose to stay with someone else in a rebound relationship for better or worse. Everyone deserves a second chance.
If you love yourself let them go. There is nothing less meaningful and unattractive than somebody pursuing or chasing a loved one who broke off a relationship or doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you any longer. The best and only thing you can do if you still have loving feelings and hope that this person may eventually change their mind and want to come back, is to become the very best version of yourself and put yourself in a position where you love you again and willing to become the best person you know your capable of being. Physically mentally and spiritually you must transform your self into the best version of you. This will ultimately make you more attractive, self-confident, and just happier in general. Eventually you will get to the point that if that person doesn’t come back or still has no interest in you, then it won’t bother you as much knowing that you are the best version of who you possibly can be and you will start attracting new People into your life and new love interests. Then when you have time to reflect your wonder to yourself why you were so hung up on that person who didn’t ever really want you in the first place! What a waste of time! They never gave you a 2nd thought or had any concern toward you, so you just wasted valuable time you could’ve been working on being your better self.
When I let my wife go, I was because she was gone. No sense in holding onto something that don’t want to stay. I will always be there and willing to reconcile, however, it takes two to want a lifelong marriage. It takes two fighting side by side
@@eliasmcvilla8063 its nice to know you are really like that person. God bless you on that maybe it means you respect a woman a lot and value her. If you are in a relationship now. That woman is blessed.
Sometimes you have to let them go so you can grow. The commitment need to be both ways. Yes you should try and save your relationship but if you Keep pushing you will push them away lose your self worth. Practice self love and being the best person you can be and if you’ve doing that and the person doesn’t want you. It wasn’t ment to be. Stay strong ❤️
I have been fighting for months to save my marriage as a standing partner. My spouse has told me she is seeking something more...I stayed with her, loved her, in spite of affairs, and in spite of not getting love in return...now I am letting her go find what or who she is looking for. I pray she finds what she seeks, meanwhile, I am going on with my life. I lost my best friend, my wife, but I cannot keep chasing her...I obviously can't give her the "more" that she is looking for, she is not even sure what she is looking for.
Pray to GOD he leads you to a ministry for standers. Theres many videos on y tube ,and their testimonies. GOD wants to heal our issues first. He can and will ,seek him he will answe.🙏
But if u love someone and are willing to work on it and they dont love you back, no matter how much u believe in commitment u will never make that person want the same back. Sometimes people have to be apart from u to miss u and know what they lost. Free will applies especially to love
Yes....i let my wife go, because she didnt seem happy. It was my first and only marriage.....id give anything to have her back, just dont want her to know the truth.... that way she has her own free will, especially since she remarried and has a child with new guy.
This video has me crying my eyes out. We’re so shaky and on the verge of collapse and I would literally do anything to save my marriage and my family. I can’t even explain how these words in the video shot through my entire being.
That happens to me in the previous months. Now she is more than happy to save our relationship. You have to think why the other person leaves you. Start changing that ASAP. Improve in all areas and hang around. Let them see your change. Remember if they love you once, an better version of yourself will make them love you even more again. I lost weight, now dress a lot better, keep calm, smile to people. They have to see you in peace with the situation. But you have to change internally quickly which is easier under trauma.
“If you love someone then let them go” This statement is true pertaining to a dating relationship. However in a marriage relationship it’s not true. Especially if the marriage is worth fighting for.
dark zeratul The marriage vow says “for better for worst” It doesn’t say “for better for worse. UNLESS ONE PERSON FALLS OUT OF LOVE” The “For worse” means even in the tough and darkness moments. You hang in there and work it out. In some cases it may involve the help of professionals. Love is a choice my friend. Lost love can be rekindled.
And I got my boxing gloves on, I'm fighting for my marriage, it's sanctity and God given connection is worth it. If I have to make some self reflecting changes, then so be it, she's more important than a few personality quirks I have.
I don't agree! Even thought you love someone you don't stay with them no.matter what. I know a man who is in a relationship with a woman that he loves She has lots of issues where she abuses him mentally, verbally a d emotionally to the point of him reliving his abusive childhood. He sits in his car getting heart palpitations. So I don't agree with stay with someone no matter what. Sometimes two people need to break apart to work on themselves to come back together or go their seperate ways.
Love isn't consistent at all. Like any emotion, its vulnerable to change and feeling both increasing and decreasing at times. Staying with someone through trials is a FORM of love, not love itself. If you marry someone because you love them, you're an idiot. A marriage won't survive on love alone.
I'm not married but I've lost the best relationship I've ever had with the love of my life and I have been trying for 2 and a half months to get her back... people say I need to leave her alone and let it be and if it was meant to be it will but I really don't want to give up on her but I've tried everything and she's still not back in my life so right now I'm just leaving it all into the lord's hands🙏
Mistuh E Do no contact. Since you guys broken up by you trying after the break up is disrespectful on her mind she will think u didn’t try this hard in the relationship so why now that is over. She will continue to be disrespectful because women are emotional thinkers. So she won’t change her mind until she starts to miss you. She won’t miss you until ur gone. Look into no contact and see for urself
@@joaoflores1131 yes but she have already blocked me everywhere it's been a month already since she have blocked me out of her life she one of those stubborn girls and she doesn't look back when she leaves someone. She deleted every single history of us everywhere and she's been going out with guys and this one guy that brought problems once.. it's been 2 months three weeks now and I'm missing her but she won't ever contact to check up on me. I dont know what to do anymore, she's living her best life and doesn't care about me.
@crooked truth83 only thing was I had a bit of trust issues due to my past and sadly it kinda rubbed off on my relationship I had with her.... it made her feelings changed, so she said but there's more to it. I love her with all my heart n soul and I just want her back for she was the best I ever had.
We’re all in the Lords hands buddy & I promise you it’s the safest place to be. Sometimes salt looks like sugar I guess... Either way I hope you’re doing ok. Prayers
@@khethosithole1405 maybe you really love the person unfortunately it was just a one sided love. There are lots of amazing person out there just ooen your heart again. God bless.
The problem is, when u let them go many times, they mate quickly and when they find the grass is not greener, its burnt..Than they come back? No way..you leave, you leave for good
I’ve done everything I can, fought for my marriage, stayed faithful, confessed my sins, asked for forgiveness, repented worked on being the best man/husband that God calls me to be… she has left, moved away, filed for divorce, moved on and won’t allow conversation. I’ve tried for so long, and now feel that I need to “let her go” to allow God to complete the work He is doing. I need to know “how” to forgive and “let go” as I have no control over the situation.
Pulling someone back into a relationship they strongly feel they don't need anymore or is not working for them (only because YOU think you need it or can't live without it) IS NOT LOVING that person, IT IS USING THEM!! ...You simply want them back because IT WORKS for you, and you don't care that it does not work for them (and sometimes there is nothing you can do to make you good enough to someone else)! Not every person you love will love you back, so don't try to pull people in your life only because YOU love them, even when they do not love you, or even worse, don't feel attracted to you (anymore)!
Fighting for relationship is a true love. You consider more your partner than yourself. And when they are gone, they will never forget how you fought. They might come back, if are mature enough. And you know later that you did your best and you are not to blame
Sir, I humbly disagree with you. If someone chooses to leave, it must be their idea to come back. I do agree with becoming your best self in order to attract them back. They lost their will to stay committed. It takes 2 to make a relationship work. Otherwise you are fighting an uphill battle.
Maybe not their will to be committed but their will to stop being on one way street of being a supportive loving kind spouse... there comes a time to stop being a "doormat" in your marriage.
As I am divorced and still love him still dream that we could be together but he proved over and over that he didn't have any problem abandoning me and my child if he didn't get away with treating me like his personal ATM while playing mind games with me to the point of having me suicidal and absolutely questioning my own self worth from being his emotional punching bag... I wanna have a life/marriage with him but not with those behaviors...he hid those "traits" until after we got married then he did whatever he could possibly do to hurt me including openly flirted with strangers in front of me!!!
@@lizculpepper5851 You were married to a Narcissist. You need to take time to forgive yourself, stop looking back and show your child that you and him will be all right because the nightmare is over. Take it from one who was there, for many many years but now am free. God loves you and you will get through this.
@@lvncsr6166 my first comment was about my 1st husband who I have two sons with. My second comment was about my second marriage to which I have knowledge now that he is a narcissist (not diagnosed) but I still love him and wish we could be together. He hid his anger and control issues until after we married. My oldest son has these same traits like his father my first marriage was 22 years and I'm still struggling with the brain washing from the first marriage. The second marriage only lasted 7 weeks as I recognized the traits, circular conversations and mind games as soon as he began them THE DAY after we got married... the mask started slipping
This is great advice! Just remember this advise is for people who have not moved out and left the relationship. If you are still living with them then fight!!!! If you left chances are it will be harder. God bless!
I let my wife leave with the understanding she needed to have some time to figure some stuff out about herself. Come to find out she just wanted to have an affair
one of the most rational comments I have ever heard recently! if one of the partners is leaving, the other spouse has to ask what can he/she do to make her/him stay? you just do NOT let your partner leave like that without doing anything!!!
When he choose one of your best friend to be in a relationship with and both are not going to apologize because they can do whatever they want because they are free? They are gabbarge and no more
Don’t say let them go, better to walk away. Don’t have a victim losing mentality. Once a person wants out, their out. Might not be tomorrow but it will be one day.
I’m sure you are a man of great talent and ability you’ve helped out many people but if somebody doesn’t want to be with you they want to do something else life is way too short let them go for your own sanity and health I know I have lived it
I didn’t get a choice, my ex said she didn’t want the relationship but oddly enough said she still loved me more than any man she’d ever met, it’s been 10 weeks and she doesn’t even speak to me so proves how much she values love??
As the person who left, I can say he's right. My ex had a lot of mental health issues to work on however we never mistreated each other. I decided to not stay anymore because I started to get anxiety and depression due to the uncertainty of will he get better or not. When I realized his treatment and diagnosis might take a whole year and even then might prove us incompatible, I decided I couldn't take it anymore. I like to think though, that we could get back together once he goes through the work he needs to do on his own and if it turns out that we are compatible after all. In our case it is better that we are apart at least for a period of time. I do love him very much still, I hope that we can meet again however that's up to him now.
I got 80 years as my sentences so there's no way I will come out alive, so I love my wife so much I don't want her to suffer....so I let her go........ she's happy now and I am happy because she is happy.
You should try your best of the first choice to keep them before your second choice is to let them go...and the third choice is to accept them coming back in your life if you really loved them...
Thank you so much for your videos I lost my wife three weeks ago and our four children I’ve been going through a very dark time and your videos have been extremely helpful I’m still not 100% sure of everything that I’ve done to cause her to do what she’s doing but I’m trying to figure it out so that I can undo the damage that I have done
Thanks so much! You may have touched a chord in my heart that has been dormant with the "Let them go" philosophy!!! Will have to reassess my "lack of commitment" posture!! Again, thanks!!
He needs to be committed to himself, not to someone that wants to walk away from him. Letting her go is more likely to see her return, than chasing after her.
If a woman leaves you don't chase her. Give her the gift of missing you by letting her reflect on the good memories. Men and women have different hormones. Women act on there emotions and men think logically. Why would you fight for a relationship if love is based on a condition. Statistics show that 70 percent of women initiate divorces. Women don't love men for who they are. Women love men for what they can do for them. We live in a feminist society. The modern woman doesn't have the same values as a traditional woman. Happiness comes from within you not a woman.
No one thinks completely logically. The more you think of yourself as intrinsically logical, and the more you reject your emotions, the more likely your emotions are to masquerade as logic and control you. Logic is a tool we can learn to use-no one is logical by default.
I've been down this road and back previously and I sure needed advice from someone like him at those times! This fella is very wise, he is exactly the friend I needed!
Hello ! Love listening to you . Can you help me find someone my age just turn 70 in December. Lost my husband 6 years ago I have 3 daughters married and 3 grandchildren.I thank God everyday for all the blessings he has given me .my health and my family . Thank you ! God bless! Elizabeth from Dallas Texas 😊
My exp. is aligned with what he said, I choose to stand for my marriage. The process has been time consuming, there has been tears, even times when I wanted wanted to throw up my hands and say f-k it. The reward is seeing the shift to a beautiful relationship growing. There is still a lot of work to be done. I believe that God honors my commitment to my vows, which is a commitment to Him. I am overjoyed that I did not let the marriage go.
I completely agree with the 3 points here. My ex wife said that the intimacy was harmed by my lying (no I never cheated - I believe I fall into the doctors 2nd and more-so 3rd kind of lying husband). So she always struggled with emotional intimacy with me. 2nd and it probably hinges on the first, that she didn’t feel passion. She didn’t feel that I put in the work. I do have all the commitment in the world however and would never walk away. She says she doesn’t respect that level of commitment. I love her still with all I am. I am far from perfect and unfortunately am only now understanding what changes need to be made. But a new man has taken her away. Weirdly very similar to me, but I think with the foreknowledge of what she wants through our marriage problems, he is able to play that role. I’m deeply heartbroken. We have 5 kids together. She also says she loves me deeply. She wants me to find someone and all of us be one big happy family. I don’t think I can do that. I think I will always have a wound inside, an empty place that she once occupied. How can I look upon her and another man loving each other? I’m cut to the heart at the thought of it. Is it possible to love a person so deeply and still fail to make it work? I haven’t given the full picture of what the relationship looked like, but there was so much beauty and goodness and sweetness that did happen between us. Thank you for these videos.
@@jonathandixon3432 since that time we’ve gone through some things. She’s done a good job at causing me to think less and less of her as a person, which is sad. I don’t really see her. So I guess that is what it happening.
@@phabeondominguez5971 on the other side of divorce I have found so much healing. Also, gained perspective. Long gone are the days of any emotional draw to my ex wife. I see now too, that she had so many of her own issues. Yes, I lied, but I also see too the level of emotional manipulation and abuse I underwent. So to some extent it makes it more understandable why I lied. Not that I approve of lying. Lying is wrong either way. God is most merciful to me, and my life is very blessed. I am still single and though I have many interested parties, for now I am happy where I am. I have peace and joy in my life.
Woman ! Men! This is hard . I’m conflicted because I want more but built a life with someone who wants less out of life. This stuff is so deep and hard .
😢💔 my husband just left me after almost 35 years a few weeks before our anniversary. I love him , but I got to let him go. I'll always love him and I pray I can live without him. But I don't see it. I'm just ready to go to the lord.
Yes, very freakin prejudice! I had a group of "friends" that kept giving me the worst advice. Everytime I followed it, it made things wayyyy worse in my marriage.
Life is long and hard. People go through difficulties in life when they doubt themselves, their relationships, their commitments. It’s those times when you see who really understands you and keeps you steady so you do not self sabotage. I’ve been there. I thought I wanted a divorce- lost a job, mother diagnosed with cancer, was physically assaulted at work - and I pinned it all on my marriage. Thankfully my partner stood still and was my rock. He waited until I saw the light. That’s real love.
True but I did try everything to save the relationship. I said sorry even tho I wasn’t the one leaving. I called I wanted to fix things but she blocked me and asked for money that I “owed” any further and I’ll be devaluing myself. Hurts to live without her but not going to do that to myself when she doesn’t care anymore.
My problem is that our state doesn’t recognize legal separation so I have to file for divorce to protect my kids and myself. I don’t want to but this is the last option
cap wilson I can recommend you to a poweful man whol help me restore my marriage backl If youl needl help try text him on what's Appi +2 3 4 8 1 6 0 3 6 6 9 4 9
It is true to give it 100%. I agree to an extent! What humans don’t understand is that sometimes we form attachments which aren’t healthy! Not all marriages a that of Godly influences. I say make the decision best for your souls growth! We all have our own separate journeys and if that pulls you in a different path of your marriage and union understand this is the Divine guiding you to your higher self! Marriages aren’t understood and have been conditioned they should be a certain way. It’s time to shift the old ways of thinking and understand it simply can not exist as we shift into a new paradigm!!!!
I think I am attached to my husband because he loved me like no one else ever did. However, because I do not know how to receive love and show love in his love language he never felt loved by me, not fully at least. I have a drive that causes tunnel vision and I tried to communicate my dream and visions but he was only concerned about how I loved him. Well, he decided to leave, our 16 year marriage is ending and I do not know how to detach. I know ending our marriage is the right thing to do but I do not know how to release him from my heart. Thank you for your comment as I agree. Figuring out how to move on is the problem.
I remember this word, quoted by the other woman of my husband to me who is so full of pride 😢😢😢 while my husband on the other side saying that they are planning to go away and be together 😞
I have done everything I could to try and get my husband back. He is totally revolted, because of this other woman who is supposedly perfect. He wants us to be strangers after 20 years of love and commitment. Yes, we are married
Well, I just learn from my marriage that not everyone fully understands what Commitment means in a marriage. If you can do 100 hundred things right and one thing wrong and that builds over time, they can just abandon their commitment in a marriage then its may not be worth holding on and fighting for no matter how attractive I become, I may end up being attractive to a bunch of new people ect.
This is so true my wife and I were attacked in a terrorist attack. My job is extremely dangerous now cannot be with one of the only women I have ever loved.l have lived a completely loveless life and I finally fall in love and I cannot be with her.i cannot live in pain like this
Jim Berg describes it like a wedge in a relationship... we need to take care of our side of the wedge and gently encourage the other side to deal with theirs. You can't force someone to change but you can sure make it much easier by loving words and actions.
Respect free will even our lord respects that.. if they’re really understand true love it doesn’t have to do with how you feel. It’s a decision and a decision to love. But you have to understand this kind of love which means you care for others unreservedly!!! Gods love it’s unconditional and eternal!! That’s the true love.
If love exist in the beginning. It is you and the other half share the same sparks. As times grow, things can happen in every relationship but it is up to both to see if they want mend their wound.
You are so right, I've just watched this video now after all that happened. I fought , I improved my self, fixed what made her go in the first place. She slowly noticed the change and suddenly she needs me. Before this was seemed impossible. She met someone else and was happy. She said to me many times if you love me, leave me alone. But I have a little girl who needs her father, so I just have no choice but to improve my character, energy, other relationships etc. She now see me like those first years.
It’s so much easier said than done. Everyone makes it sound so easy but this is harder than anything I’ve ever done. I can’t stop thinking about it. From the moment i wake up to the moment I fall asleep.. if I can actually sleep
I know what you are going through. I think of her constantly. It’s a very difficult way to live when you love someone so deeply and they have decided to go.
Yamcha I think of him because we were yoked for so long. But then something came and dirtied our yoke and from then on I felt like he was becoming a stranger to me
Yamcha do you ask yourself why everyone else wants you to leave but something tells you it’s wrong. The devil breaks up marriages with an intent on hurting true love
We could snd have had a great relationship. He kept letting me do something that for on his nerves, never said anything until he just said, were done. And here we are. We get along we do some stuff together still, great conversations… snd he still wants me to go.
Great point. Last year my ex and I stopped the work. It fizzled out. Neither of us were tending to each other's needs and this year we split. Life has been tough since but nearly 9 months later I'm getting there.
I let him go because he couldn’t provide for me financially I guess. He says he loves me and wants to take care of me when he’s there 😢 idk what to think but I let him go.
A married person usually knows why the other person left. Most of the time they don't care. Marriage takes two honest and committed people who are kind.
You don't have to do anything wrong for a person to decide to go. Therefore, asking the grieving person to figure out what they did wrong is questionable.
The truth is that adage or saying does not apply to every situation. Some situations could be self-inflicted or spiritual. The latter could be more prominent, as much as people are eternally fighting a belief system with their blindfold on, then people afflicted spiritually will never see beyond their physical extent. Yes, and it so true because that’s the biding of the evil one to keep them blinded.
I am in a relationship where we both love each other but there is some distance and separation but He told me ahead of time she was going back into full-time ministry and she's doing caregiver And having a pause not moving forward !!! And At times not easy having patience and Faith !!!
The more you try to get them back the more they will want to leave. You are denying what they want therefore making them want it more. Be mature and accept it. It’s their decision and not yours. If they find they made a mistake they will come back if not then it was over already.
Excellent. I try for a month making her see my worth and love but if you have talked someone into loving you back then it's time to let go and I did that. Best thing I could have done.
