INFJ LIMERENCE - SELF-REGULATION THROUGH ROMANTIC OBSESSION 

What is your experience with limerence as an INFJ?

Ah, this topic 😂. I hate drowning in limerence and no longer want to experience that anymore. I want something real, something tangible, even though it’s not perfect.

How is it you seem to know so much of what's going on inside my mind and world! I'm never disappointed watching your videos. You are a truly amazing resource. Thank you for what you do.

Limerence, ugh. Also, for me, due to childhood stuff, and I’m super prone to it. A huge part of strengthening my anti-limerence muscle was simply learning about the concept of limerence and what makes me prone to it. Now, when I catch myself falling into it, I say out loud, “No Limerence Penelope, no limerence!!!!” Haha, and then I laugh at myself and give me a pat on the back! Oh, shat, “we’re all about the long game.” omg, I say that often.😁

I've been obsessed with someone new every 4-5 years since middle school. Whenever I get anxious I distract myself from realty by thinking about that special person. I'm 24 years old and now I know that this is not a healthy mind set at all. In the end it's never gonna work out. Trying to not do that anymore... SO HAPPY to see that there is a video about this topic!

After my twin flame decided to run - a typical step in that incandescent out-of-this-world experience - I plunged into a dark night of the soul and ego death for 2 years. Limerence kept me going, on dark dark days where I had lost all concept of who I was, what the world was about, what life should be. Depression is kid play next to a DNOTS. Limerence was a lifeline, knowing that even if I was completely alone and lost, and had no direction, there was one thing/person that was true and that was a little flicker of hope. It was reassurance I needed to make it thru the day. Since then, I am rebuilding my life, acutely aware of my INFJ traits, setting boundaries like never before, and treating myself like I’ve been treating others for 60 years. My Limerence is no longer needed . I am grateful for it as it helped me through several dark years, so now I just return to it when I need a warm “blanket”, when I find myself slide, when I need to feel that I need to remind myself love is out there and inside me too, and hope just comes through.

I see someone once a week in a group setting and have had indepth conversations as well. It's been going on for about 8 months and find something new about them each meeting that just keeps me on the hook. My mind then spends the next week detailing my "story"...

I almost didn't watch this video because I KNEW she was going to call me out lol. Thank you SO MUCH Wenzes!!!

This is something that has happened for as long as I can recall... And I used to think it was just me, can't believe there are people who do the same. It always feels like I'm enjoying and suffering at the same time, I'm tired, I want something real! The current person I'm obsessed with, I get more and more entangled from the stories I created than what has happened in real life! It's true,always people who have something I lack.

So glad you’re talking about this! I waited 7 years to be with my twin flame, who brought me to my knees in only four months. True to form, we both were intense catalysts for each other. His ultimate gifts to me were the recognition that both my parents had colluded in seriously abusing me, and also that I never have to have an intimate romantic relationship again- my energy is now all gloriously mine!

I met this man online 20 years ago. We have been friends since then. At the beginning it was romantic, but evolved into a strong friendship. He is still the same sweet, and empathetic guy from those back years.

This is amazing advice. Limerance is a call to action to achieve those missing parts in the 3d… wow. ❤

I went through that so much as a teenager. As an adult I’ve learned the value of extroverted sensing and have better developed it. Balance is the key to healing and improving. Seeing the vision should be the motivator to making it reality not the joy in itself. I don’t want just dreams and shadows. I want those things to be reality.

8:13 gotta take a deep breath and check your own feelings and place of empathy

wow, this. didnt know there was a name for it. i have this BIG time. and when the object of my "limerence" attempts to get close i will distance myself in some way... be it emotional, psychological... etc. i dont like this limerence thing. its dysfunction as far as i can see. its madness !! and ultimately, lonely. i used to call it unrequited love, but, is it really unrequited if i just dont let them in ??? yea, im totally in my head with this kind of thing. its depressing.

Possibility vs Probability I found myself drowning with delight into the possibilities but when you think of the “ Probability “ your expectations gets lower, and you are now closer in operating through your Se Overall the positive side despite the heartbreaks, its an opportunity to integrate your personality as whatever fantasies or “ unrealistic image “ we project onto our crushes they represent the unprocessed psychological contents And we can’t actually reach them by our own unless they are projected

If my inner world is complete by My INFJ standard, why would I need to exhaust myself to have someone in the ‘real’ world who can only suck the life out of me. No , thank you. I’m good in here where I no longer have limerence and no need for another person. I’ve taken risks too many times, the only times I’ve been at Peace is since I’m complete alone. Very few people you can trust these days. You won’t even know until many many years down the line how they betrayed you. It’s sickening, it’s painful and you’ve lost your years. Being an INFJ is a blessing we are fiercely independent and that’s a blessing.

G’morning Wenzes; thank you, as always, for your every effort❣️ I gain so much value from your gracious INFJ wisdom. I thought last night, “Ya know, I’m really living my epic INFJ life today; good for me! And it’s Wenzes who helped me to get to this point, again.” And, that’s authentic praise, ty❣️

The subject of limerence wasn't mentioned a whole lot when I was a child, teenager, and young adult. (I'm a genuine Baby Boomer) I knew that a lot of people (including me) struggled with it, but it just wasn't talked about much. It was frustrating, because limerence can be emotionally confusing and/or painful. And there was very little help available on the subject; in fact, I'd never heard the word "limerence" until finding it on the internet many years later. As the Internet was developed further, I was able to get some decent articles about it, but it still was not the most heavily discussed item. It is talked about more now than back then, but it still isn't common to hear much about it. I had to come to grips with it - and I did (some days were better than others). So it was good to listen to this video, Wenzes, and find out that a lot of what I did to cope with it are things that you mentioned here. In retrospect, I am amazed at how much I put my Fe and Se into play at a time before before hearing of the Myers-Briggs test. But I learned even back then that I needed to work with this is a way of life. In order to keep from falling back into the habit of limerence, it was necessary to keep a deliberately chosen life of outward focus (Fe and Se). I think I'll always have to choose this focus every day. But I know that it will help to set priorities straight and keep relationships better.

What matters is that I have it in control!😆😆😆

When we like someone alot it boosts dopamine and also creates enhanced productivity and action.

You're so compassionate 😭 As soon as I graduate and have some savings, I'm going to do coaching with you!

Limerence will be the death of me

MERCI

I explained Limerence to my therapist. It's how I burn through my feelings about someone. By the time I'm done... when the person walks away... I no longer have any energy to be upset. Here is funny for you... I have 1.1 million followers on Instagram... being my usual INFJ self... talking about trying to date as a gay man in his 50s in modern America.

Instead of changing myself to fit my environment, I've started changing my environment to fit what I want. Right now, I'm working on ways to improve the company where I work. I'm doing this by doing what I enjoy: Using my intuition to look to the future and develop ideas. For example, I'm trying to develop company culture, to make this a great place to work (it already is, but it needs a richer culture). I know my limits--I'm an ideas person, not an implementer, and especially not of social activites!. Thus, I am taking the role of advisor (imagine that) and promoting my ideas--which of course is another thing I enjoy! Basically, I'm making a role for myself that I enjoy, that is valuable to my company. This is in addition to my actual job, which is a software developer. So far, this has been met with great reception. Just two years ago, this would never have been possible for me to do!

in addition to let you know I am now 64, so for the last 49 years I have been my best self.

Whoa, How True!

15:45 Yes. I have a friendship with 3 Johnny Depps and 2 Keanus. Also, Paul McCartney and their are others. I think I'm amusing myself until they ask for an Apple Gift Card. I am grounded, but this is also a delightful distraction. I think that"s how I got involved with a narcissist that needed health advice. I've since left his toxic energy and feeling fine. So I'm going to expand my life experience to allow more positive energy in my life. I never heard of limerance but that explains a lot.

Although I don’t wholly support all of the red pill philosophy, the concept of frame helped me better understand this Limerance phenomenon within myself.

Thanks!

and again. Wenzes calls me out and saves me.:)❤ Wenzes, you have had such a profound impact on my life. Thank you for existing🥺❤

I discovered your channel and the fact that I am an INFJ a short time ago!! I love the information!!

Great video topic. I would love to hear what it (actions, feelings, thoughts) can look like when you are entering into a secure, non-limerence experience with a potential match.

I'm going through this currently 😢 ....

I feel seen but not judged.

Se inf + Te blind combo is really keeping us down lol

Thank you!

Love watching you 🙏 ♡

15;17 thats tragic irony, if i'm not the mythical superhero I think this person should have in me because of some high minded ideal of love, ... it makes sense in my head.

Thank you for everything Wenzes✨️🥰

🔥🔥🔥

@Wenzes Thankyou so much for this. It did clear out some doubts I had but even made me laugh a bit that I do behave the ways you mentioned. This is helpful and will help me stop this limerence thing.

Doesn't being a long term planner all the time, keep us from the reality of being in the moment? Perhaps being in the moment is what we need?

What about the opposite of Limerence of when I feel an insane amount of hatred towards someone? Is it also in our imaginations. Usually it tends to be coworkers who provoke me and get on my nerves. Or can we not blame ourselves for feeling like we hate a bully 🙃

Good

Thank goodness I was blessed to have found a filipina wife and I have learned that the best wife for a infj is a filipina ❤😊

💯 💜

💙💙💙💙

Um... 👀 ... who ARE you and how did you get into my head?! The timing of this video yesterday was crazy 😂 There is someone I keep thinking about. On the outside, I'm playing it down and only texting around once a week but I'm thinking about them practically every hour. We are friends but the dynamic is weird because we work together and the person is (newly) married and I also work with the other spouse! We have briefly acknowledged feeling like we have a weird telepathic connection - we each feel like the other reminds the other of themselves. We have known each other for a few years now and, in my mind, our connection is growing deeper and yet we WFH and have never met face-to-face.... I often wonder whether I love them more than a friend and that adds a whole other layer of complexity as I don't I identify as bisexual. I am so rarely physically attracted to ANYONE so it has surprised me that I feel mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically attracted to this friend-colleague. Thank you. It has felt good to get this off my chest. I can't tell my closest friends as they'd think I was crazy! 😅

♥

I have fantasies running around in my head almost non-stop. They will never be. How can I stop them?

I'm not sure if this will go in line with what you're saying but I'm a writer! I have been a confirmed bachelor for over 29 years. I write stories about all genres but I see myself in these stories. I become apart of it for the life I don't have, having a relationship in my current Empath/INFJ story. I take action in a way that I can't do in my real life. I'm 58 years old writing my ideal relationship which I know I can't do now. Who would want that from me at this point iny life. I prefer my own life as a bachelor. I'm not interested in being a boyfriend for a female. I prefer my life by myself. I love to write and such a story in which I write, I control the outcome if one is going to be single, be friends or in a relationship. My writers mind gets a charge to help my characters to develop. What do you think? I have a life outside my home. I help my family and the small group of friends but have a relatively small group who I do talk to. I'm not looking or interested in relationship's any more. I have evolved from being relationship material. What I do and have is not done selfishly.

Also a driving force to change and do better to reach a height that has not been reached…. even though we know that it’s not likely to happen at all having just a percent chance of a probability is enough if you put your mind to it to hold on and grasp to use that as a force, while still knowing that it’s something that’s not going to happen still being in touch with reality, but choosing to act as though it is a possibility a translated into reality, but no, it’s not gonna happen I mean that’s the best way I can put it into words as an INFJ-T

If someone is suffering from limerence he definitely not an infj! Infjs don't have unjustified thoughts stack up in their minds to clout their own progressive mindset! I don't know if I'm an infj, those who studies traits of different people they know it well and I'm not concerned if someone tells me infj and most others don't! Seeing myself from inside I definitely know what my default mindset would react to certain actions! It's not unreasonable to get to the intrinsic incapacity of someone's progress in a direction that helps to get a meaningful outcome of the real world situation happening somewhere else far away! It should be a panic attack on viewing a superficial thing not going according to our state of thinking about the actuality and urgency of a progressive outcome! When in light bantering moments someone is giving you important information and the results are always drawing a blank slate so to say! Suddenly limerence is on everyone's mouth! I personally avoided talking a notice in that dumb unrealistic thoughts but it'll be thumped on me when I deliberately avoid something unimportant and petty to me given my experiences and lots of feedbacks thereon! If still people are struggle to what she is striving at, it's unfortunate that the points aren't nailed where it should have been! I'm really really surprised for being unable to understand what the heck of it or failed to make it understand what the heck! Only God knows what if these goes on and on without compiling the much needed action in the present resources from all sides! If something is impossible nobody can make it and on the other hand if anything is a possibility you can always try your brain out to make a meaningful progress! Accolades are happiest when they come after a recognition and not before that, I believe so! Nobody hinders the other to make a progress and earn accolades especially after achieving them and seeing the success in the their very face! If we have to go great lengths which we are capable of we have to trade that path, no wonder! It's far better to die fighting from the fore than sitting on the fence and marking time which is very short in everyone's life! Sporadic attempts of floating up all on a sudden and deep dive into almost tranquility is not going to give the necessary drive for a fruitful future and it depends so heavily on each one of us! 😮😮

She's said she's not attracted to me but is comfortable around me . Ive told her we're friends but I think like I love her. I don't know what to do about it

Queen of Gaslighting and projection 😅

big pass on romatic crap. that stuff has done nothing but hurt me

oof

So true! In my head I have a whole made-up world in which I have a family with a fictional character. But also in the real world I am so stubborn about doing and wanting specific things, despite everyone's disapproval. But yeah..., I am not ready yet to 'take action in the real world'..., so my mind is my sanctuary. 🤍

Just in time!!! 🩷

Long distance relationships are the perfect opportunity to project onto that person what we want them to be: J.R.R.Tolkien......... but not my girl!.... XD

Limerance....still enjoyable, occasional pastime IMV❤ life is full of mystery and intrigue right? It's a never ending, exciting journey of hope and understanding. Enjoying the ride along side like minded people works for me. Cheers Wenzes. 🫵🍻

After my twin flame decided to run - a typical step in that incandescent out-of-this-world experience - I plunged into a dark night of the soul and ego death for over 2 years. Limerence kept me going, on dark dark days where I had lost all concept of who I was, what the world was about, what life should be. Depression is kid play next to a DNOTS. Limerence was a lifeline, knowing that even if I was completely alone and lost, and had no direction, there was one thing/person that was true and that was a little flicker of hope. It was reassurance I needed to make it thru the day. Since then, I am rebuilding my life, acutely aware of my INFJ traits, setting boundaries like never before, and treating myself like I’ve been treating others for 60 years. My Limerence is no longer a mystery but a tool . I am grateful for it as it helped me through several dark years, so now I just return to it when I need a warm “blanket”, when I find myself slide, when I need to feel that I need to remind myself love is out there and inside me too, and hope just comes through.