Interview with a Pedophile 

Interview starts approx 20:00 min in

I think it would be helpful for some of you to understand that when Dr. Honda says we need to be careful about stigmatizing he does not mean we need to think that being attracted to kids is okay - he is essentially saying we need to make it easier for these people to come forward to seek help so that they do not touch kids. When we harp on about how people like this shouldn’t be alive, etc., we are almost ensuring that they never get help and offend. We need to at least compartmentalize our disgust if we want to stop these things from happening to children. He’s not advocating for groomers or whatever political bs you’re about to spew. Sometimes solving problems takes you putting your feelings to the back for a moment and considering the realities of the world.

Super interesting to hear how he was attracted to kids his own age and that attraction just didn’t change as he got older. He also looks back at his childhood sexual experiences with other kids as mutual and good, but describes any adults relationships as manipulative, confusing, gross, etc.

We do NOT need to start calling these people "minor attracted persons." This new label is a way for those types to weasel their way in to acceptance. Absolutely not.

Interesting that he describes his encounters and interactions with adults in such a disgusted way, like how a victim would describe their interactions with a predator.

As someone who is a survivor of extensive CSA it's really difficult to have empathy and compassion for these sorts of people but that being said I do respect him for choosing to do the right thing. That path would be a very lonely and isolating one, it would take a lot of empathy and willpower to live a life like that. I'm sorry to the interviewee for the things he has to endure to ensure the protection of children. Also a huge thank you to him for speaking up about it and to you Dr. Honda for shedding light on this "infliction" if compassion is the way to prevent people from offending than compassion is what we should all be giving.

Would love for this to become a series, interviewing people who experience mental health symptoms that are seen as taboo or flat out morally reprehensible. It’s fascinating and the stigmas around these people prevent them from speaking about it.

I was sexually abused at the age of 6 by a relative and the fact I felt safe when pressing PLAY is the biggest compliment to dr Honda. I trust that he would conduct the conversation with respect to the abuser and listeners who went through hell. Big kudos to dr Kirk. Ps. For me the worst part was the lack of the family support. Starting from parents who left me and my sister with a person who they knew was a pedophile. Ending with other relatives who willingly live with the abuser with 2 little girls (claiming that it’s impossible that the grandpa would harm them 🤯). I cut all ties as it was too painful for me to get criticized that it took me so long to come forward, or listening that I was a “weak” child. My mother even claimed that she might lose their job because of ME - Because I wanted to report the pedo. It’s crazy how you think modest family-oriented catholic family would behave in a situation like this 😢

At this point, I'm 1 hour and 22 minutes into the interview and I have not been feeling triggered despite being a survivor of CSA, and rather, feel more pain and sadness for Jay than any other emotion. Came here to say that because I suddenly just feel like I'm weird for not feeling triggered. Maybe I've just shut my mind/emotion off that, and don't feel like it reminds me of my own experience? I don't know. Don't mind me. I'm just shouting into the void here.

That therapist who specializes with MAPS is seriously doing the world a favor.

I've always been curious, how are people who suffer from necrophilia treated? It is an illness like pedophilia but a different kind of taboo that's hard to seek help for

A difficult listen but an important topic to be brought to light. I worked as a sex offender registry coordinator as a small young female. I left that job due to verbal harassment (from coworkers & sex offenders). In my time working that job I learned a lot, I read the cases, I read their paperwork, I read their petitons to come off the registry. A very very small percent of offenders made an “honest mistake” (for example: one offender we had was 18yrs old, and was dating a 16 yo girl. Parents knew and gave their blessing. However when the 18 yo broke up with the 16yo girl, the parents immediately filed a report) he was on the registry for many years before being able to petition (and this was back many years ago, not sure how his case would have worked out if it happened today). However, the large amount of geniune offenders are not rehabilitated and don’t care to be, they like what they do and push the boundaries to be able to do what they want without being caught. They are usually cold and manipulative denying their crimes and trying to convince everyone they are a good person. That aside, I think registered offenders need to be held on a “tighter leash” so to speak and those who aren’t registered ought to seek professional help urgently to walk through their issues.

Feeling a strange combination of empathy for Jay and discomfort at the apathy Dr. Honda pointed out. In this interview, you get a real sense that his ability to establish boundaries and meaningful emotional intimacy are both stunted. I imagine it is very tough for him to make the connections for which he yearns. That being said... I don't trust this man. I was satisfied to know his brother has chosen to distance from him to protect his daughter as some parents do far less with traumatic results. Notably, Jay's apathy toward his own childhood sexual exploitation, his comments on child tiktok content, his perspective on sex offender registries, and his quick recall of offender recidivism shows he holds a cherry picked moral/ethical perspective on his condition. I wouldn't leave a child alone with this man, despite the empathy I have for his story. An interesting interview.

I had to click off when he started talking about his niece. The way he talks about her and talks about it feeling good that she depended on him disturbed me in all honesty. He knowingly puts himself around children that he will be attracted to and I find that extremely weird for someone that claims they've never offended. Kinda of fucked up in hindsight to know that about yourself and then literally choose to go to your brothers house to see the child you're attracted to(his niece in this case...)and attempt to groom the kid. No wonder his brother cut him off completely. Either way, I hope he continues to see his therapist and stays away from kids entirely.

i'm not sure I believe him when he says it wasn't sexual feelings towards his niece

You may get a ton of requests to see you as a therapist. Because these people are almost certainly scared & ashamed for anyone to know about their attraction. So knowing there’s a therapist that doesn’t automatically hate them would probably be so rare. Reaching out for help must be even harder than it is for many or most people.

1:26:14, 😡 I strongly disagree. Anyone who harms or attempts to harm children should be shamed. What they do for their own selfish gratification is condemn an innocent child to a lifetime of hell, a hell that extends well into that child's adulthood. They can sentence their victims to a lifetime of trauma but they as an abuser can't handle a lifetime of shame? Hypocritical is what this is. I also feel Jay wasn't truthful considering what happened with his niece, there is a level of dishonesty and omission from his responses. His thoughts on S.O registry was also very telling.

Wow, thanks for never shying away from the difficult topics Dr K. The only way to tackle a problem is to understand it. It would be interesting to know some time how you as a therapist recover from these kinds of conversations or how you 'shake them off' before going home to your family

This man's opinion on the SO register made me shiver. I do have empathy for people who have these feelings/desires birthed from trauma and have made the effort to never harm children. I do feel there should be a confidential clinic they can visit to receive therapy and treatment, to better themselves and to keep children safe. But the moment they've acted on it, my empathy runs dry. They have made the decision to harm innocent children (sometimes to the point where it is beyond repair for the victim). They don't deserve the protection and empathy; they're monsters who are no longer people in my eyes. Yes, people should have access to data about where people who are a danger to their children and loved ones lurk so they can keep the children safe. Life must be so hard for this man, this sounded like a hard interview, and I truly hope he continues seeking the help he needs. But the fact that he feels comfortable with protecting those who have taken the steps to hurt children and have offended, makes me skin crawl. It will never sit right with me and changes the whole tone of the interview. If he was as contentious as he seems to push, he would agree that parents deserve to know where predators are.

An unsavory click 😬 but a necessary topic of discussion. We have to address every facet of what creates a pedophile so we can stop losing so many children. I definitely can’t watch this at 8am- this already got me shook. I understand how someone could be damaged enough to identify as a MAP and I would prefer they do not offend, make a point to avoid children and child spaces, even educating other MAPs and encouraging them to seek help- obviously- but BOY is this a touchy subject. I hope y’all won’t shit on Dr. Honda for platforming this, you KNOW he’s thought this through. He’s a very emotionally intelligent and smart man.

this is so fucking sad. I know someone who pursues research in prevention and treatment for this disorder and currently it's very discouraging because of how small the field is. he's running out of options to continue his work and will likely have to switch fields of research. it's very frustrating that there's not enough resources and interest to put into this (along with other sexual disorders AND sexual violence as well). I send him everything I find on this subject and the reality just gets sadder. imagine having something so ingrained in you and not knowing how to tear it out. imagine, instead of having an full spectrum of human experience with romantic companionship, and perhaps the ENTIRE human sexual experience, you just have a hole because the only right thing to do was to carve it out of you. imagine living your whole life feeling diseased while every physical part of you still seems to work. I just wish people didn't have to deal with this; I feel this was about any psychological disorder though. life is pain but the best thing you can do is adapt

Thank you dr Honda for calling out child on child SA in the beginning. When talking about it (very similar situation) to therapists in my home country they dismissed me, calling it normal exploration. But the effects can be profound for those affected.

Fascinating interview without a doubt, but the term “minor attracted person” makes my blood BOIL.

Dr Honda thank you for modeling a healthy boundary between listening/ yearning to understand, and also demonstrating in this dialogue with J “this is wrong/abusive/ exploitive”when these elements arise - its interesting to note J appears conflicted as to whether or not they were exposed to material that was harmful to them at too young an age. I also found it interesting how many hypotheticals you posed that J seemingly never considered - for one reason or another. I greatly appreciate this interview, I was able to see J as a human who has thoughts, impulses, and preferences they know cognitively are harmful, and is trying to take ownership over it. I commend J’s bravery, and my heart goes out to the deep pain we just heard the very surface of here. My greatest condolences to all of the family members J lost.

1:11:31 These two sentences is what’s concerning.

kudos for this person to speak publicly. however I feel like he's still not being completely honest. As a child I could tell when an older man was looking at me and viewing me in a sexual way - even if there was no contact physically...That left an impact on me. As I suspect many children can pick up on that inappropriate energy directed toward them. Plus i don't believe this guy never had a sexual thought or feeling for his niece. Just no way he did not.

I have such mad respect for you that you posted this, Dr. Honda. I was abused as a kid and have been saying this for YEARS!! People have always looked at me like I was crazy.

That redditor that reported him to his family probably saved that little girl. They did absolutely nothing wrong because he is a dangerous person to be around children.

Thank you Jay for coming forward and doing this interview. I wouldn't have said this before this video but a paradigm shift in the way we treat non-offenders could help 1. society understand pedophiles better then 2. save more children from being abused. Anything pushed to the shadows only gets worse.

One… thing that id like to just drop in here is that a lot of “MAPs” may not be offenders and that is good, but I would consider viewing, obtaining or circulating filmed abuse to be a crime and in support of offenders. I know some people don’t do that, or stop doing that, and I have empathy for them.

It’s a repulsive topic but one that needs to be explored. CSA has run rampant and how we’re dealing with it now clearly isn’t working bc it’s still happening.

I had to stop listening a 1h06...because too me, although I had no trouble listening to this at the start, it seemed that Jay was not able to be completely honest and not even with himself. I also got the impression he was downplaying his involvement and what his intentions/fantasies really were. This man has a completely distorted view on what love is...love for the niece, love for a partner. Childhood trauma, the faillure to connect as a young adult, the shame, guilt, wrongfull interpretations and emotional neglect have made him twist relationships, intimicy and inner thoughts for years...There's a very naieve look on what attraction and closeness should be experienced. I never heard him lusting for a child, it was more the inner child that refused to grow up. I suspect he's got much more problems than just the one...

I’m a little confused. He says he’s a MAP but somehow he wasn’t attracted to his niece and he’s never offended as an adult. But he still doesn’t believe he s3xually abused kids when he was a teenager to this day bc it felt mutual? I mean, as self aware as this man wants to believe he is, I don’t know if he’s lying about the niece situation and it not being sexual For him or if I truly just don’t get it. If I had to guess, he’s worried his brother might hear it so he’s holding back

I just started listening. I know a therapist who worked in the penal system with sex offenders, including crimes against children. The sad truth is that in their estimate, 90% of convicted pedophiles disucssed in their therapy that they were sexually abused as children themselves. I know it feels impossible, but majority of these people were also victims at one point. That said, it doesn't excuse any of it. In fact its helpful information to know. People who have been sexually abused need to seek treatment, if not only for themselves but for others. The child will one day grow up and may commit the same offense, which is OBVIOUSLY unacceptable. Proactive help is what will help stop this from happening to help stop this cycle of abuse. Knowing the "why" helps to stop it from happening.

It must be some sort of an "information processing" problem in the brain during s***al development, that's also the reason why understanding these people's childhood is very-very important. What causes it remains unknown, it needs to be studied, but the society makes it literally impossible.

Well i was pretty understanding until the last bit when he said he doesnt think the public should have access to the sex offender registry 😬 yeah… no, lets keep that around.

Comparing alcoholism to someone being attracted to children is definitely not the same thing.

Dr. Honda, I appreciate you for this interview. I’ve had this conversation with family and friends often. I understand why people are repulsed with pedophiles, but I do think society has to create a safe space for them to disclose their status so they can get help. Once they’re shamed into darkness, it puts so many children at risk for abuse.

As a trauma survivor (trauma bond, Stockholm syndrome) I have to interrept this case of pedophilia is based on the same logic: early experience defining your future view/experience of things. Very interesting take on the subject. Thank you Honda, you keep on broadening my perspectives via every video

I agree we should shine a light but I think there's a fine line between shining a light and prevention & normalising & desensitizing by using more palatable names. I think there's also a risk of saying no-map non offending minor attracted person..does that mean he's not abused a child physically but has looked at pictures..then u get into were those pictures of real children? We have an issue here in UK that they're trying to stop prison sentences for those who looked at pictures but often those children in the pictures r being abused so I'm afraid intentions may be good but many ppl using MAP terminology isn't always....& so it is hard to differentiate. Many of us have had horrific childhoods but if we don't maintain accountability for our actions we lose our values & morals. Yes we should u/s murderers, rapists etc & what creates them but I think doing things such as wrapping pe@dophiles up eg with gay men is not the way forward....which is often how you see MAPS presented.

I've thought about this for quite a long time, and I believe that widespread social destigmatization would inevitably lead to normalization; slowly but surely. I understand that the person attracted to kids would face the societal stigma and undue pain but I say, once with trepidation, but now with staunch clarity, I am willing to sacrifice them for the good of children. Harsh, I know, but this is what I think. That's not to say that there should not be help. There should be places for them to go and seek help from trained medical professionals. However, I think that this training and perspective should stay within a medical setting only. Larger society should not give one inch toward the destigmatization of pedophilia.

I worked in a prison clinic... I don't know the exact statistics but even in my very closed off culture where something like this rarely gets reported there were shockingly a lot of convicted pedophiles... people who most often look plain normal and you would never think they would do something horrific like that unless you knew their prison record. My heart breaks for their victims. We need to nurture trusting and empowering relationships with kids, protect the vulnerable ones and have more educational material like this. This is one of the hardest subject to even hear about but it's one of the most important imo.

Man I’m having a super hard time with this one. Even just hearing him say “little girls” repulses me. I only have about 15 minutes left of the interview and I haven’t really been able to let go of my shaming mentality, which I guess doesn’t really have anything to do with him, it has to do with me. I don’t have any traumas around this topic but I just really feel…. Yucky about this one.

I really wish I could be compassionate toward people that have this problem, affliction, situation, whatever you choose to call it. But I’m simply not. I will never call them maps. That, to me, is lessening the severity of this kind of problem. I also don’t believe everything J says, and I don’t understand why everyone is just taking his word. He’s clearly afraid that he’s going to be recognized for something he says.

My intuition about his falling out with the church family that had the woman being sexually inappropriate is that he felt aggressed upon in the perspective of a child, similar to how he may fall in love with children as though he were one.

This episode has had a profound effect on me that has enlightened me, filled me with questions, and also with hope and (I believe) a new understanding. At first it caused me to react emotionally, then read comments, then react with a need to discuss and share my thoughts, then listen to Jay respond, then comment, then be left with a feeling like there is something I’m not getting, but I’m close. I’ve been pondering and wondering and realizing I don’t know everything I thought I knew. I further discussed this with my husband (and we both are victims of child abuse, but not csa). We both believed that our early traumatic experiences effect our attachment. And we figured that is how Jay became effected the way he is. I don’t know why but I remembered dr Honda had recently shared a re-run about fetishes which I had zero interest in listening to at the time. But just thinking so much about Jay and about how my husband and I feel we too are effected by child abuse around the same age as Jay, got me thinking - well maybe I do have a fetish, because even though we are “vanilla” we do have a healthy sex life. But I know for me, I have always wondered - why does my mind go into a quick humiliation/obedience fantasy every single time I’m about to orgasm!!!!!! ?????? So then last night I played the fetish podcast! Omg!!!!! Unfortunately I listened while falling asleep so I know I missed a lot but some things I did hear-- There was talk about bird species being imprinted sexually. And talk about the human window for imprinting being aged 4-7. And then what really was a profound thing for me-- there was a Holocaust survivor who had been in a concentration camp during the 4-7yr old time of her life, and she said that she always had a concentration camp fantasy right before orgasm. And naturally she hated that very horror filled and traumatic memory. But as much as she wished that her mind would not go there to orgasm, it did. So according to the theory she was “imprinted” as a child from that age. I could understand her problem because it was described so similarly to my own way of having that quick humiliating fantasy even though I would very much like to not have to have that. So anyway I plan to re-listen to the fetish one again when I am fully awake. This just gives me hope, because I feel I can now understand how Jay can be completely powerless over how he was sexually imprinted exactly as the Holocaust survivor and even me. And this also helps me to no see that my suspicions that Jay would offend if in the wrong situation at the right time, may have been all wrong. Because a lot of people - like many - have rape fantasies or prostitute fantasies but they never act on them. I don’t ever act out my little humiliation fantasy and I know never will. I also believe this “imprinting” may be connected to sexual orientation. I can’t wait to learn more. Jay and anyone else who has seen my previous comments. - I now know that I don’t know anything and my mind is way more wide open now. I’m sorry for being suspicious of Jay. Even if something I said turns out to be right, I now know that I don’t know. Thanks to anyone who read this long comment. Thanks Jay - so much for reaching out for friendship, help, love and understanding. You are awesome for surviving and not giving up. Maybe you are going to help us figure out a way to better protect 4-7 yr olds from being harmfully imprinted on. You help me to evolve and expand my understanding and to discard unhelpful beliefs. Thanks again Jay and dr Honda too.

I’ve survived CSA myself and I have looked into the research- it’s biological. We can’t stop people who are attracted to children from existing, they always will and I don’t think we help children be any safer by forcing them underground and to each other for support… if we made it so they could access support so they can live their lives without offending we would help so many more children grow up without the pain that is caused We could do so much more to actually reduce risks to our children but instead we are so concerned with looking good we actually make it easier for them to offend in this society

I have a lot of sympathy for Jay. For somebody who is non-offending he’s really just somebody who’s struggling with their trauma and is working on themself.

So much lying regarding his niece… OF COURSE it was sexual and not just emotional

i like this episode so far. but. it should be very known(coming from a queer person), pedophilia is in no way a sexual orientation. thatd be like saying my orientation is older women, it sounds stupid. its a kink.

This is obviously something that is difficult to empathize with, but agree that increased openness would lead to treatment and therefore less abuse.

I really appreciate the pause. I felt fine until the pause and then started crying. Taking your advice to stop for now and come back later.

I've always disliked these "MAP" type monikers. I've been seeing them filtering into LGBT type spaces trying to legitimize their attractions, and identifying themselves as such is often a way of minimizing their condition. Helmut Kentler and other sexologists of his ilk have a long history of legitimizing child-attraction and placing children with pedophiles, and they are the source of this terminology. Even "non-offending" in this context indicates this person will seek out níche legal situations where he can abuse children legally.

I’m grateful you posted this Dr. Honda. This is an important conversation and we need to have more dialogue like this even though it’s hard.

The fact that I could listen to this entirely without falling apart after experiencing SA from the age of 3 and again as an adult is a testament to how amazing Dr Honda is. I also have 2 daughters which makes me constantly on the lookout for pedos and builds a lot of anxiety and anger towards these people. That being said, there’s a lot I can empathize with Jay about, and there’s a lot I just can’t. I was molested by a grown man at the age of 3, but I’ve never let that define me or my sexual orientation. I know we’re seeking to understand and not excuse, but I’m seeing some downplaying and obfuscating that leads me to believe the “non offending” part isn’t so non offensive. He describes his love for his niece as if it’s the same as my love for my daughters. It’s not. If it was a paternal love we wouldn’t be talking about it. And until you own up to that, you will never be able to work through it. If you would love her like that at 17 as much as you loved her as a child, it wouldn’t be an issue. That was predatory behavior and toward your own flesh and blood.. not okay. Never okay no matter how you slice it. And these people are the reason my children are not allowed on the internet. Something they will need to be able to navigate in their adult lives. So because people like this exist, I’m forced to handicap my children from something that is becoming more and more a necessity. It’s not fair that children must navigate the world differently because people are sick in the head. I can’t let my kids where short shorts in 110 degree weather because of people like this. It’s ridiculous. Don’t blame tik tok, don’t blame parents. It’s 100% on you. And quite frankly YOU shouldn’t be allowed to troll the internet in any kind of just society.

(Trigger warning for this comment... Mild SA themes involved) I've had a bit on an epiphany listening to this interview. What really struck me is that it highlights society's beliefs around sexual attraction and one's ability to control it. I was reflecting on how the stereotypical pedophile is a man (perhaps more of them actually are men, but I'm guessing we don't have much data on this?) I was thinking about how it's normalised to view men as being unable to control their sexual actions to at least some extent and how this is often used to blame the victim (e.g. "oh she was wearing a revealing outfit"). Society is still growing up when it comes to sex, sexuality, and consent - we don't seem to realise that men in particular are capable of being attracted to another human being without exploiting them for sexual gratification. Thank you Dr Honda for this thought-provoking interview. And hello from Australia!

🚫 Trigger Warning❗️: I was "boy crazy" when I was in Kindergarten. I recall playing "kissing tag" back then. Where most of the kids probably thought it was funny and that it was just a game or that the opposite sex had "cooties", I found it thrilling and something I enjoyed playing. Hearing the first part of the interview and knowing that the majority of my peers would say it took them until about age 13 or so before they became attracted to the opposite sex or even later has me questioning my upbringing more than I already do.... 🤔😬 From a young age (1st grade) I always invited boys to my birthday parties, & had a major crush in 1st grade that carried through until I switched schools. There are parts of my home life that I now know are quite questionable, if not inappropriate and/or toxic. 1 thing that has always confused though is that I had a sexual dream when I was about age 4 that involved my dad's friend. I didn't know what sex was at that age! He's always given me the creeps as well as an uncle of mine. I've never felt fully comfortable around either of them. Problem is- I can't recall anything specific about them or anything legitimately "happening" between us. It's just a strong, strange, uncomfortable, "ick" feeling.... I've tried to discuss this with therapists and one told me if I can't remember anything specific then I should basically just let it go. I'm not sure if this is the right answer or if the answer is to further explore it. I understand it doesn't help to entertain the thought of something *possibly* happening, but at the same time I can't help but wonder if there's more to it. When I found out in my 30's that I had been left alone with my dad's friend to be babysat when I was little on several occasions it about made me throw up. Okay, I'm gonna stop rambling now... I didn't mean for it to take this direction so I'll give a TW. Thank goodness I'm in therapy, though I think a therapist who can remain objective and has the stance that Dr. Honda has would be incredibly beneficial. My therapist now is great, I just don't know how much I trust discussing certain topics with her. I live in Utah and due to the large # of LDS folk here, it's difficult to not be concerned about being judged. My therapist is LDS and thankfully she's more trustworthy and understanding than most others (likely bc she's originally from another state). Either way it's a scary topic. 😮‍💨

It's really good he has a therapist. Seriously. Someone to help keep himself in check and understand himself more. Im sure so many people with attraction to kids have none of that emotional intelligence or support, therefore only their own selves standing between hurting a kid.

Thanks for doing this Dr Honda. This comment section is gonna be brutal but it's a much needed discussion.

Educational video, but I don’t buy the whole thing. Choosing to befriend a family with kids and getting close to his niece doesn’t sound like he is trying to avoid it.

I am studying psychology and counselling so often absorb your content. My partner was listening as I was playing this and at the end he said “wow I didn’t know how complex this was” so we had a conversation around it all and he learnt so much. What a torturous life he’s lived and still doing the work to keep others safe. That’s admirable.

"Emotional attachment " to a little girl. 🙁

So Peodo shouldnt be shamed for his offence but a child can be destroyed for the rest of their lives or take their own life as a result of the disgusting abuse... go figure and get lost.

I fully support maps coming forward and getting help as to not offend or hurt children.

God bless all the Psychologists who treat such people. I could never. I’m only 5 min in and I had to turn off the episode and practice self care.

Calling them a “minor attracted person” is one step closer to normalising this despicable behaviour. As someone that’s suffered from SA as a child I’m disgusted that you’d buy into that kind of PC naming nonsense. Clicking off, disappointed.

I don’t believe he wasn’t thinking about his niece in a romantic or sexual sense. Just from everything he was saying, it just doesn’t make sense? If he’s saying it’s a sexual orientation, then his attraction to her has to of fulfilled his sexuality in some way. Sexual orientation doesn’t determine who you can be intimate friends with.

I am all for prevention. Whatever it takes to prevent it, as long as it's not hurting anyone. Thank you for this episode. ❤️ No kids, but I do have a minor nephew.

I still haven't listened to the interview so I don't know much about the person you've interviewed. But I have always been aware of the fact that there are non-commiting ped*ophils out there who are aware of the fact that children can not consent, and they would do everything in their power not to commit the unthinkable. And I have the upmost respect for them, and I do wish them increasing strength of will power and inner peace.

I really appreciate the care and consideration that was given with this interview. J’s life is emotional and relatable in many aspects. This interview really opens up my mind and perspective on this topic. It is my hope that J finds peace and happiness along with possibly helping others to be more mindful of the human condition. Thank you so much for this podcast.

by far super hard to listen to. the fact he calls his niece his brothers kid and uses this sort of language to distance himself from his feelings is insane. i feel bad for jay , it sucks we cant really control who we are attracted to at the end of the day you can only feel what you feel and learn to cope with it. But his family history of drug abuse, and how he ended up in the same cycle hurts to listen to as well. :( at the same time i am super urked and even scared when listening to this.

His speech pattern is like Jeffrey Dahmer’s and similarity that parents divorced and affected by feelings of mother abandonment

I see the value in destigmatizing the attraction itself so that people can come forward and get help before they act on it. However I think that someone who does have that attraction should never be alone with a child or have a close emotional relationship with a child. It's just too much to risk giving them power or opportunity. But I also wonder if that would be helpful to the MAP or harmful from a psychological standpoint. Like would having no contact with minors cause them to obsess and seek minors out?

Would it be possible to ask for an explaination to why it's chosen to be talked about in terms of "minor attracted person" and not pedophilia? I think this topic is very interesting and I bear no ill wish towards truly non offending pedophiles. But I cannot stand the term MAP. Why isnt pedophilia a good enough word to describe this twisted sexuality?

This is really good timing. I could not physically sleep last night because I was working in a felony courtroom yesterday and I helped a man who wanted to make sure he was on the call list for my courtroom today. He seemed nice and I smiled at him. When he went up I found out he’s facing a life sentence for manufacturing child pornography of minors under 13 years old, sexual abuse of two minors under 13, neglect of a child, 10 counts of child pornography, among other things. It was sickening. I read into his file and found out that for the past 8 years he’s been in and out of prison for sexually abusing little kids. He will get out on a 60k CASH bond and go on to assault or manufacture again. He wasn’t even a registered sex offender as the previous prosecutor removed that in their plea deal… he spent only 4 years in prison. He was out on bond right now. I keep thinking what he did when he went home after court yesterday. Could not sleep. So thanks for this Edit: I’m a law student & clerk. So I’m not “used” to this stuff

I feel like im going to jail just by watching this video.

I am one of the people who will be going to a masters degree program with the goal of working with children who have been sexually abused. I wanted to start with my bachelors, however, I needed to move past the disgust and hatred toward MAP’s, but I did a lot of reading and I am now an advocate for the rehabilitative perspective Dr. Honda espouses. Thank you for this interview, I now know this is work that needs to be done, and I’m where I need to be.

i’m really trying to have an open mind watching this, i’m a psychology major in uni and trying to widen my perspective but boy is this one hard

I'm sure I watched this at the cinema back in 1994. 🤔 At the end of the movie, does Tom Cruise show up and say "I assume I need no introduction..."?

I just want to say, thank you so much for sharing this interview with us. It is eye opening. I feel a lot of compassion for the person you interviewed and am really glad that he has been brave enough to share his story. I love that your channel is a place where we can approach any topic, including incredibly difficult subjects like this one.

While this is an absolutely fascinating listen, I would like to express a personal opinion; I don’t really feel the parallels drawn between paedophilia, and the given example of alcoholism/addiction is particularly appropriate or correct. To be precise, we are *not* talking about an *addiction* to minors, we are talking about the attraction to them in general, correct? Addiction and sexual orientation/ predilection are two very different ballgames, imo. Addiction, more often than not, stems as a result of more obvious issues of origin. The root causes, triggers, and events that ultimately lead to the addiction can usually be clearly and definitively identified. Sexual orientation, preferences and predilections are much more complex behaviours to identify the root cause of… if they even have one at all. Nature? Nurture? They appear to be, in layman’s terms, a psychological foundation of existence for individuals that *result* in certain behaviours being exhibited… whereas addiction is the *exhibited behaviour itself* if that makes sense. Therefore I have to disagree that any parallels can be drawn between an unsavoury sexual preference, and the compulsive need to drink in order to function.

I have endless appreciation for the way Dr Honda did his damndest to take care of us listeners throughout this conversation. Just.. thank you… I hope this sort of active respect and care for ones viewers becomes the norm sometime very soon. 💜💜

I appreciate you sharing this; it is good for us to hear the mind of certain people. I just feel like he skips, skates, and moonwalks back on his answers. I wonder how honest he is to Dr Honda and to himself.

39:50 interesting how he is grossed out with the mother-son relationship.

I agree with Dr Honda about making it easier for pedophiles to get help, however I STRONGLY disagree with using the term ‘minor attracted person’ etc . Call it what it is - pick whichever fits best: Pedophiles, Hebephiles or Ephebophiles.

Babysit your child? ....all well & good saying he's a NO-MAP & reduce stigma to prevent abuse...but how many of you can (honestly) say you'd let him babysit your child, even after therapy/support. I'm not trying to b cruel as if he's not lying then he's trying to do the right thing & I hope if that is the case that his future is brighter than his past..but this seems like we're getting really close to classing this as simply a sexual preference... .....that's where I get off this bus.

I grew up surrounded by child molestors/abusers, I got zero compassion for them and I don’t care if I get hate, I don’t care! My life, my opinion, my feelings! They don’t recover, they’re messed up for life!

I'm going to be a counselor in a small community and I need to learn all I can in a way where I can listen to and recognize signs early. Small towns are close and that is someone most everyone likely knows. I want to see what abuse prevention therapy is available for these people. What works for them to live in a way that's healthier for themselves and the communities they live in. Healthier: safe and conscious.

It took courage to post this interview and I am grateful for the information. I am training in a mental health crisis center and we need to be ready to help anyone in a non-judgemental way, including people with disturbing thoughts like those urges. In the absence of an actual crime/action committed, it is our job to help them towards healthy solutions, we can't just shut down and push them away. It is important to know the real mechanisms behind the issues to help prevent more damage.

I wonder why this wasn’t triggering at all for me in any way. It mainly just gave me a different perspective on people who are attracted to children and to have more compassion in this area. So much starts in childhood and from trauma. Hugs to Jay ❤ what a life

I am about hour and five minutes in and He seems wanting to stay at 5 years old because he had a gratifying, loving, experience with the other child (the one a couple years older). It kind of makes sense too why he also why he felt weird or bad with the woman, whom he saw as like a "mother figure." Maybe it made him feel like he was kid being molested but her...? And then you ask him about his young years (5-6 years old), did you feel like those were the golden years of your life. And he says yes. He may want to stay as that age, or go back to that age, where he was happy and did not feel guilt or shame. Where he felt that he was not feeling anything wrong and was normal. Thanks for sharing this. I myself was not abused like that, so I could listen and not feel triggered. Some parts made me feel uncomfortable, but because he has not offended, I think I can be calm about it. Maybe if he was an offender it would be different. I do not know. But I was curious because people very close to me in my family have been abused by a pedophile(s) in the family. So it is something that has touched me and something I struggle to understand. You are so brave Dr. H, because so many people went on a rampage for the JD and AH trial. Many crossed the line. I know so many people are going to get the wrong idea, and be so hostile with you- because some of them will not understand. But you actually are helping me understand a lot of things right now. And I always like to be more educated than I was the day before. So thank you for being brave. And thank you "Jay" for being brave and humane, and not offending. Because I have seen first hand how it can destroy someone's entire life when something like that happens to them as child. Sometimes when we even just walk in our parents or find a pornographic image as a child it harms us and traumatizes us, so imagine how much harm it is for a child to be abused in that sort of way. Thank him again for not offending and getting help.

Thank you for this wonderful episode, and thank you to J for his candor. While he has been non-offending toward children, he has instead been offending toward himself, whether that be through drug use, suicide attempts, etc. It's so tough to figure out how someone with such a societal-taboo affliction can find peace and joy in this lifetime while living in society.

The early part of this story gives credence to the idea of sexual imprinting. Your earliest sexual experiences frame how you end up

None of the videos on RU-vid about pedophilia actually explain what’s going on. They just say that the child has none with going on and then I’m like tell me because I don’t know what’s going on Either

I only wish more people with these compulsions would seek help and that help were more available.

I'm glad he touched on the danger with kids on apps like tiktok

Dr. Kirk. ___________ Trigger Warning my experiences with people who were pedophiles... __________ _________ _________ __________ ________ 1) I used to go to an online support group. Safe to say while it was popular at that time, it just kept getting worse, mods themselves seemed to make it worse too. There was no actual thorough training to be a listener. There, people formed cliques, and the one I was sort of in would talk badly in a black and white sense about this one guy from the anonymous chat who admitted to being a pedophile ---he hasn't committed any offense, and he felt guilty about it. He says he just wants help. Now, one guy from our clique was a police officer... so he says. And he's been saying he's disgusted and couldn't handle being around the person in chat, because he thinks pedophilia is pathological and inborn ---that the guy was a hopeless cause and no therapy or amount of help would stop him from his feelings and his wanting to do things. I felt differently though. I thought it was a major factor that the guy came online, just like everyone for various reasons, because it was anonymous and he was seeking some sort of support and help. Site had added therapists later on. But it wasn't that great. 2) Once sort of dated a guy online, upon telling him about my traumas as a heads up, he basically said he fantasized about it and got off to it (me being 7 and being molested by people and boys my age). He later tells me how he was actually a repeat rape victim as a child, by a teacher, who, upon his refusal to do as he was told sexually, stabbed the boy with a spoon. This guy then tells me that "your vibe attracts your tribe" --and he wanted to call a bunch of his friends, beat me up, piss on me, and then if i survived, that he would be be grateful and spoil me. Safe to say... I stayed away from this person...

Do you have an online masters program where you teach? I would love to go and do my upper years psych training there. Your level of empathy understanding and the areas that truly need work in the field of clinical psychology is not only admirable but heavily inspirational. It’s psychologists like you that make me proud to be pursuing this field as you are pushing the bar of evolution and progress. Really cutting edge fascinating stuff here. Keep up the great work Dr. Kirk Honda, future psychologists are truly benefiting from it.

This interview will be in my thoughts for a few days. This interview felt honest & open-minded. I appreciate hearing J's experience. Thank you Dr Honda

Imagine having to take care of your abusers and their accomplice in their old age.....