Is This Even My Kid? | Parenting an Opposite 

“The world already had a me. What it needed was a her.” This made me tear up. So simple and so profound.

Poor Abby! Rollercoasters are one of the joys of life. This was a well delivered message. Every parent with kids at home needs to hear this .

I wish more parents would realise “It’s okay not to have a clone of yourself”. My daughter is the typical science nerd. I’m not. She’s got an innate flair for style where clothing is concerned. Me, as long as it’s clean, doesn’t have holes where there aren’t supposed to be any, and I can close the buttons/zipper, I’ll wear it if I’m not having to come into the office or have to go to some party or other. She’s got her fashion sense from her paternal grandmother and the science/maths sense from my father. And even then, she’s definitely not a clone of them. She’s her own individual person. I love that about her! There are plenty of things we’re very similar on. We tend to hog the entire bed. We only cuddle with a very select few people. We’re both fond of heavy metal music. We love our pets and are extremely protective of them. We love flowers and go absolutely ape over strawberries and passionfruit. We’ve got an irreverent sense of humour and don’t take ourselves seriously. We stand by our principles, especially when it comes to defending or protecting the underdog. We have zero patience for drama. We absolutely love spicy food and strong flavours. There are things about my daughter I cannot begin to understand and there are things about me she doesn’t get either. That’s okay. Even more: that is part of what makes our relationship into a wonderful one.

When I was a teenager, I feared that I would struggle as a parent to boys, convinced that because I never fit in with other boys I wouldn’t know how to connect. Now 30 with a one-year-old boy who loves nothing more than to play with ball after ball after ball, I am grateful to have engaged with content like yours and to have grown enough personally that these differences don’t weigh down my mind with concern anymore. I’m happy to be his dad, and I love who he is and will become. Great message.

My oldest has ADHD and is very strong-willed. Apparently, he's a lot like my husband was at that age, which is completely different from me. My other kids are a lot more like me, so they are much easier for me to parent and understand. My oldest is a wonderful kid, but he pushes back a lot more and tests the boundaries. He challenges me daily. I'm still trying to figure out how to gentle parent him when I get frustrated with him.

This hits me so hard. My mom grew up with a hard life. She told herself she would give her kids a better childhood. She has 4 kids, her first, second, and last are a little iffy. But I'm her third. I turned out just like her in sooo many aspects. I, also like my mother, didn't have a great childhood like most kids do. While everyone got to go out and play with their friends I was stuck at home. I envied these other kids for so long. But now I have my own daughter. I always told myself I would give her the life I always wanted. I won't prevent her from doing what she wants to do. If that's artsy or athletic. I knew I was different from my mom growing up but she tried to push on me what she used to do when she was young. She was more athletic and I was artsy. She never made me do sports which I'm thankful for, but she also didn't let me do what I wanted either which I grew to hate her for. Now that I'm older I understand and we have a good relationship but I won't let the same thing happen between my daughter and me. I knew what I felt and I don't want her to feel that way towards me. I want her to love and trust me (trust being something I never had with my mom). I want her to know that if she tries hard in life, she can do anything. Which is something I still have a hard time believing for myself. I never accomplished anything so I'm not sure what I can do. I know that was a long ramble but thank you for this video. I'm definitely going to get your book.

Ah, I wish my mom had been more like you. We are so different most people don’t even believe we’re related when they first see us. But instead of trying to understand me, she saw my differences as faults. I wasn’t girly, she was, I didn’t like makeup, she did, I didn’t like being around crowds, she did. All the times that she criticized me, insisting that I looked like a boy because I wouldn’t do my hair like she did, that I was nasty because I wouldn’t mingle with people immediately, that I just needed to try a little harder even though I would tell her that it was difficult for me to make friends, just… it drove a wedge between us. I eventually just stopped trying to connect with her altogether. She didn’t “fix” me by telling me all those things over and over and expecting me to change. All she did was make sure I would never confide in her again. She still thinks school bullies destroyed my self-esteem, but no mother. It was you.

this is something not enough parents understand. My grandma always used to say "nos enfants ne nous apartienne pas" (we do not own our children...i guess? sorry i speak québécois) They are their own person and me knowing that from the get go i really enjoyed watching my 4 crazy little persons becoming people that i helped ...becoming ? by supporting their choices. I am an artist, i love horror and writing, my first born is loud, extroverted, into mechanics and rappers, and i enjoyed watching him trying to repair his dirt bike and i learned to like rap music ! My second one is a ball of anxiety, extremely funny and loves hockey so i enjoyed watching his countless "comedy shows" and i became a hell of a hockey mom (i hated hockey all my life) being there at every game shouting from the stands (im a shy quiet person). So the point im trying to make here is that by respecting my kids individuality it helped me grow as a person as well as keeping them happy! i hope this made sense 😅

Along with the message, which is powerful, I love your way with words!🎉😊

Oh Gwenna ❤ your voice is soooo relaxing and I can feel all your sweet, maternal vibes ❤❤❤ thank youuuu!!!!!

My daughter is 10 and she is beautifully herself. Ive made it very clear she is her own being and i am here to support her in all her endeavors 💜 shes an incredible little being. I love your advice and ive found we are very similar in our outlooks on parenting, but i still learn a lot from you and im thankful for your input :)

Gwenna, you rock! Our children are the themselves the world needs rather than copies of ourselves

Love you gwenna, thanks for helping to heal dozens of people's inner children. Your my pretend mom for now, and if i ever have kids, your words will bounce around my brain hopefully replacing some generations of damage. Much love to you and your family.

Firstly, yep I birthed my polar opposite (I'm an avoidant Aspie, he's an AuDHD seeker). I try my best to own my issues so I live in headphones and sunglasses indoors, and give myself sensory timeouts (we all hide in the bathroom sometimes, right?!) It sure is difficult trying to balance our very different needs. Theory of mind is a tricky lesson with any kid, but I've boiled it down to: "Different people like different things and that's ok" to help explain it. Secondly, Abby (sp?) is an awesome young lady and you've done an amazing job raising her! Your videos give me hope - and a tonne of useful tips, thank you💗 - for raising my boy. I'm looking forward to reading your book 👏😊

I wish my mother had been as understanding and empathatic as you, to recognize and embrace our differences rather than trying to constantly mold me into her clone. She didn't ever see me as my own person, merely as an extension of herself, and expressed this in a multitude of harmful ways. I'm dealing with this trauma as a 51-year-old woman, and I have quite a ways to go on my healing journey. Parents, take note...this woman is spot on. Nurture and cultivate your child into the person they are, not the person you want them to be. Live, and let live.

As a 50 year old woman, who recently lost her mother, I really wish my mother had figured this out.

As a parenting expert and parenting book author and therapist, I agree it takes all kinds of parenting styles, skills, techniques, etc. to meet your child “where they are at” and maintain a supportive role with boundaries. I appreciate your humor and sarcasm and I am very much the same way, much to my children’s dismay…nonetheless, Many Congrats on your book-keep up the blogs and shorts! Your approach is priceless!

I really enjoyed your podcast. My daughters are grown but as I listened, your word resonated in my mind. I thought back to my two daughters and how we made it through learning who we are and how to learn and coexist in our difference’s. Thank you for sharing.

Why did I Not know u had a podcast!! Thank you! I’m watching every week from now on!!! ❤❤❤

It all comes down to roots and wings. Giving them the option of exploring but it being okay if they dont want it yet. Pushing the boundaries on their terms so they thrive when they HAVE to handle the boundaries on their own

Well. Something certainly has changed with Abby - there’s no way chaos lunches can be called bland like cardboard, and she’s absolutely artistic, even if it might not be “the arts.” Would definitely love to hear your take on how that happened!

This was beautifully told! I can’t wait to read your book even though my daughter is now an adult.

Yessss!!!! I love to hear someone else say that they are not an extension of us but are thier own person!!!!

I absolutely relate to this. Its a rough ride and worth the bumps. ❤

My mom and I had much of the same interests. We were both avid readers, enjoyed musicals and music in general, got into various hyperfixations like astronomy, Greek myths, and rocks. But we had opposite personalities! She was a hot-headed tomboy extrovert. I was a sarcastic know-it-all introvert. When young, I loved everything sparkly and girly. She wore jeans and worked on computers. Even when I left my cutesy phase, I still liked stylized clothes and lots of makeup. I wanted to try all manner of food. She was happiest with bland steak and potatoes. Her temper was red hot, then absolutely gone and it was like she was never upset. My anger builds and I can hold a grudge like no one's business. She would say almost everything she thought and meant everything exactly as she said it. I prefer to think about what I'm saying and always think about/look for deeper meaning in what is said. She was super spontaneous. I was a planner and didn't like to go off list. I wish we had the language there is today to discuss our issues and differences. I think it would have made some of the fiery parts of my childhood easier on both of us. We were big on communication, but there is only so much you can communicate if you don't even know how to describe your experience. For example, I have some auditory processing issues. It can take me a minute to register what I hear. Often I will say "what?" even as I process and then can answer before hearing it repeated. She thought I was being rude and/or not listening. We didn't have the words "auditory processing disorder" to look into and figure out. Likewise, she absolutely had to have had ADHD. She checks basically every box in every list I've seen in the past couple of years. But ADHD was that thing little boys in my classes were diagnosed with in order to drug them into sitting still when I was a kid. An adult woman couldn't have it!/s I wish I knew what caused her to start projects but not finish them, always have to go back for forgotten things at home, and change conversation topics so abruptly, etc.. I would have liked to have worked with her on coping mechanisms to make things easier. I'm in my late 30s and she died 7 years ago. As different as we were, we were best friends. I realize now that I am a lot more like her than I thought. The things that we clashed on, I find have melded into my own personality, where elements from her have smoothed out some of my rough edges. It's reassuring, as much as it can be disconcerting, to see her in the things I do or say nowadays. I am not my mother's clone. But I am like her now in what are, hopefully, the best ways.

I’m 50. My mom is still disappointed that I’m truly not like her. My younger son is not too much like me, but we try to meet somewhere near the middle. He’s a good kid, and he feels comfortable expressing himself in all the ways - and we like that. He also likes bland beige food, but he chooses it, so I let it be and hope multivitamins help!

I'd never heard this phrase before. I'm not a parent, and I'm not sure if I ever will be, but I have been nervous about having a child that I have nothing in common with. This video does provide a great deal of comfort should that day ever come for me.

I had to rewatch that. I thought the book was at B&N now. I was already putting my shoes on. Shit!!! I need that book, I can't wait until the delivery driver drops it off

I really appreciate this.

Loving this. Both kids are in their twenties, done with college, grown and flown so too late to prevent the need for therapy. It’s my younger one, my daughter, who shares your videos with me. She was and is definitely my rollercoaster kid (I used to be one too so I get it). My older child, my son, definitely was not. I did have to learn the same lesson you did: my job was to find out what my children’s interest were (at the time) and support and guide them in exploring them further. From an earlier age, it was obvious my son would do something involving science or math, STEM as it’s now evolved to be called. I really thought my daughter would be the artistic type but then in her senior year of high school she discovered PLANTS- you know the thing I kill because if it’s alive and doesn’t jump on me or make noise I’ll forget to feed it. She went on to a STEM field as well- did not see that coming. But when I was pregnant and people asked if I wanted a boy or a girl I always answered I wanted happy healthy babies. Success I guess, unless they really do end up needing the therapy. LOL Motherhood!

My 4yo is both my polar opposite AND my carbon copy, and this life is gonna be interesting.

I was given this rude threat too. Like I was such terrible person that this justified the treatment I got. We had narcissistic parents who were bothered by our presence. Thunder Mountain scared the crap out of me for my first experience so much I couldn't talk. Then something switched and I enjoyed the adrenaline. My children did not turn out like me because my children were not emotionally and physically abused and unwanted. My children turned out different because I loved them, listened to them, hugged them, explained and doled out consequences appropriately. My children got choices and to have unsavory moments, they were allowed to have an opinion and explore things they were interested in. My children were allowed to say No and stand up for themselves. My children were allowed to become themselves by their choices. I just offered guidance and love. Sometimes firm boundaries. They are exactly where they should be now, and out of the house. I am happy for it. I enjoyed watching them grow up. Would never ask for the one in diapers and the other in pull ups stage again. fml

This is so beautiful! I love everything about how you wrote this and delivered it, and especially the message. Thank you for all your work and honesty and authenticity. Can't wait for your book!

I wasn't told I would birth a mini me what I was told was one day I would marry a man like my dad. I was terrified my dad is a giant with hair everywhere but his head and a huge beer gut. When I found my husband I was shocked to realise that I did marry a man like my dad. My husband is short and has an amazing amount of hair on his head (beard included) but he does have that same "it was a joke sorry" attitude my dad has which I love. So I guess marrying "my dad" wasn't a bad thing because they get along great and I love them both.

Love it when you do videos with Abby! I didn't have a daughter, but I am sure she would have been just like her. I only know this because my son and I pretty much are just like you and Abby❤😂. Keep up the good work I do wish you were around when I was raising my son, some ofbyour ideas would have been great.

Gwenna, Abby is her own beautiful self and yet has wit and a sense of humor that shows how much of you she has in herself ❤❤❤

Thanks ☺️ As an adult whose mom has been gone for 10 years this Christmas. This hit home. We were so so different on so so much but now days I remember more of this island of sameness. Dad and I were much more similar. Miss him too. But I’m a solid study in nature vs nurture being adopted at 19 days. Hug your family

Wowzas, that was awesome, I'm a Nana now with 4 grandbabies, and 2 children who are absolutely amazing humans. I plan on buying them your book when it comes out in March. Thank you for your videos, the funny ones are insightful too.

She totally has your sense of humor. Or a complimentary sense of humor.

I love this! The other thing I see in your mother's comment is the idea that being "you" is somehow bad and that one day, you'll be just as frustrated and "legitimately" upset at your child because they are "you." Making "you" the problem and forever at fault, no matter if it is displeasing your mom, getting mad at yourself or being the reason your child isn't good enough. So many say that type of thing and never realize the ripple effects it can have on a child's life. I love your videos and congratulations on your book!

I am a Tom Boy, hat dresses, sparkles and anything " girly " , I have 2 daughters #1 is all girl! Pink and purple and sparkles and high heels and makeup, #2 more like me but still loves pink. Then #3 came along and my little boy , everyone said I would love him more than my girls because he will be more like me.... he love vehicles, I don't. But I love all my kids equally and with all of my soul. They are mine and they are little humans. 😊

When I was fairly young, I was a full-time babysitter for my young nieces. One day one of them was doing a thing, and I said, quite reasonably, "Auughh!! Youre just trying to make me crazy!!" and she laughed (because, busted.) I told her, "laugh now, but one day you're going to have kids, and you're going to say that to them. And when you do, I will laugh, and laugh." She grew up. She had kids. I would like to observe that I had matured enough not to actually laugh. But when she said it, the memory of that moment hit us at exactly the same time. It was palpable.

The secret to what being a parent is summed up with a couple phrases. "We're just gonna wing it." And, "I have no idea what is going on." The secret to being a good parent is to add the phrases, "I don't want you to be me, I want you to be better than me." "The world might be against you, but I will always be with you." And "Come hell or high water, my job is to protect you." There's obviously a lot more than just those phrases, there's a near infinite ocean of aspects to being a good parent, but it's important to make sure that you're not doing something to show the world that you're a good parent, your doing everything you can to show your children that you're a good parent.

The "mother's curse" is what I call it.

I’m so happy you realised that and wish my parents had as well. As an autistic queer child of neurotypical, cishet and ignorant parents there are way more differences than things we have in common. As they never tried to understand me and see me as my own person our relationship is very difficult and tense. So happy for your children to have you

Mine train can be intense for those who aren't able to enjoy roller-coasters. Mine doesn't like most rides either. Loved this!

Wonderful! You have a terrific storytelling voice & cadence! Very pleasant to listen to! And the content was on point. In the last three years I too have come to the place in life, with regard to my son.❤

Gwenna, did you have to make me laugh and cry tears over the cooking noodles tonight?! 😢❤😂❤😊❤ Thanks for all your insights❣️❣️

This was beautiful ❤

I would love to have a kid like me. I'm sure I'd hate it sometimes too, but I know one thing for sure- they will not have the childhood I did. Unfortunately this is America and adoption is criminally expensive.

Thanks for this. I needed it!

I’ve unintentionally already sent my kids to therapy. I’m working on cleaning up my mistakes.

I am like my dad. And he didn't even tried to influence me. I loved math and physics at school, he studied it at university. The only thing that could both of us prevent from going on a big rollercoaster is a crowd of people. I begged my mom to a join a sailing club before I knew he was into sailing as a student. And sadly, i have similar health issues like him. High blood pressure, respiratory issues, I get every skin problem I come across and my teeth were great untill the age of 40 and now they are crumbling apart. And we are very, very stubborn... like all of his family

Our little guy is a decent mix of his dad and I, but somehow, two introverts produced an extrovert lol. I have no idea how to deal with that!

You have a sweet heart and it shines❤️

As a mother of 5 grandma of 17 great grandma of 4 you are amazing where were you back then as my eldest probably older than you never mind just want to say I could have done with a friend like you and my number 3 and 4th children are twin boys love ❤️ you and thank you for the belly laughs you are awesome 👌 👏 👍

My son, then, age 11.... played every sport...heart of gold...made friends and kept them through out life.... fearless.... So most people thought. I'm mom, I know his kryptonite..... Paranoid of things he was not in control of. I taught him that his hyped up worries could/would be gone by "knowing"/"educate" about what worries him. The rollercoaster worry. Busch Gardens. My engaging son's interrogation of the ticket person. 4 mins of questions and some responses that were not quite answered with a knowledge that calmed or eased my son's hyped worry... Rollercoaster tragedies.. Final question to the ticket person....where do you hang the Inspection Notice. A finger pointed to a paper taped to the ticket window....... Last inspection 2 hours prior. Rating... 3 points lower than the highest score. PASS inspection. My son... thank you, but no thank you I'll pass. My son's final statement. Mom, I've determined that sometimes a perfect score is in order when lives are at risk. We had a great day....his decisions were fine... worry free. Their time is not always our time.... Today He's a Marine, a great dad, works hard ... Life truly is a rollercoaster 😂

I love this. I somehow gave birth to my mother and my sister in one body! God has jokes! My mother and sister were both the most stubborn people on the planet and could argue until you were too exhausted to care or even remember what the argument was about! My daughter literally argued with me in the car one day, on one of those cloudless beautiful spring days, when I remarked how blue the sky was. She told me it wasn't blue, that it was in fact purple in her 4 years of experience with colors! This was the entirety of her childhood. She could argue about anything. Her favorite thing was to get me while I was in the bathroom so I couldn't walk away from her nonsense and ask me if she could do something that she knew was a definite NO like playing with scissors at 4 yrs old while I was in the shower. When I said no, she had her debate arguments ready for me. I was unarmed and unclothed and felt very ill equipped to deal with her debates! 😂. I suggested other things to do while I was in the shower and kept her debating until I got out so I knew she wasn't searching for scissors or chainsaws while I was incapacitated in my damp nakedness! She is now 20. She is still my polar opposite. She likes horror movies while I like the history channel or cooking shows. We have worked to find common ground. We have recently found a secret pleasure in watching the drama of Housewives. We adopted some guinea pigs that we both love to play with and care for. She has my wit and sarcasm down pat. And she is the best company I could ask for. You still have bumps on your coaster to come. But enjoy the ride knowing that she will be such an amazing adult human that you could never imagine not having in your life.

Minetrain is fun. But I get it. I WAS in my 20s before I could tolerate bigger coasters and even then I'm picky. I love trying to be stoic because it makes hilarious photos.

Hey, hiii!!! Unrelated, but did y'all happen to do your childproof photo at the ice cream museum?? If so, did you happen to film that? I would have loved to see that. If not, it's cool. Love you humans so much!

Well said.

I enjoyed this story

I must say thank you finally I found someone like me THANK U ❤ 😢 😊

Nice video enjoyed it. And the information I learned 😊

Great writing!

Have you ever thought of doing guided meditations? I really like your voice and the way you speak. ❤

As a mom who thought her kids would be like her and are nothing like her I’m sure she felt like that. I never wanted to be like her 😂

I hate roller coasters. My mom got me on the diamond back as my first roller coaster. I almost shat myself. To this day I don’t do roller coasters. I am the complete opposite of my mother.

Was this an excerpt from the book? My kids are grown and gone but I’m still very much looking forward to reading it.

My husband struggles with my son being very different from him.

I asked my husband for your book for Yule and he came back from work at B&N with a very sad face that the book wasn't out yet. Oops...guess I should have listened better.

BEAUTIFUL! THANK YOU You've described my own experience with my teen girl. These days we have learned so much and LOVE our time together. But getting there.... I had souch to learn. I am grateful to her, that she gave me the forgiveness and resilience to learn it 🥲🥲🥲

My sister was raised by the same very hippie minded parents as me in the exact same family dynamic, but she is somehow a right wing slightly nutty outwardly about those conservative views type of person. My father has passed, but my mom is sometimes in tears asking me what she did wrong in raising her. I have reassure my mom that we were not raised to vote for pussy grabbers and my sister has always been unique in this way and reminder her of the childhood stories of how my sister has always been.

Love yoy videos

Love it ❤❤❤❤❤❤

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😂🥶🖤🔔👍🏻💗

Heyyyyyyyyyy

First 🎉

First!

L word 🤗

Love and appreciate this!! ❤ Also, I need help... I'm a mom of two little boys and I have no way to buy them a Christmas tree or gifts 😢 Can you please help me, bring a smile to their faces this Christmas? We have no family...it's just the 3 of us and it has been such a hard year for us. It breaks my heart thinking that they may not have a Christmas 🥺 $BlueRose0485 Honestly anything will help and mean more than you could EVER know! 🙏