The First Kid is Like a Pancake...Prolly a Little Messed Up 

"Dramatically, and in a manner befitting children with my genes, she rolled her eyes so hard, I could hear it" You have such a great way with words ! Signed : a first pancake.

as a child free young adult whose girlfriend has agreed we do not want to have kids, watching these parenting videos are so incredibly healing for me. they havent changed my mind about having kids because i just straight up dont want to, but that's not why i watch them. i watch them to empathize with my parents, who didnt have these resources when i was a child. i see how my step mom changed her approach from when i was 9, to when i was 12, and how that saved our relationship. i see how my birth mom didnt change her approach, and how that sabotaged the tenderness and connection we once had. i see my dad, who may have been a little too passive at times, but every moment he was there for me, i knew he saw me and heard me and genuinely enjoyed spending time with me and ensuring i felt loved and supported for who i am. thank you for these videos. i may not be parenting children of my own, but my inner child needed to hear this.

My pancake is the only one. I just realized that I really did do a good job raising my son. He is now 18 and a very well mannered young man and has been for a long time. I being a single mom knowing I did the best I could raising him he has turned out awesome. I wasn't always the way I am today. When I had him I didn't know what to do and didn't entirely have someone there to help teach me how to be a mom. But, some how I made it.

I'd kill to get an apology from my parents for their f ups and for unfair treatment between me and my younger brother. I'll never get one. I'll definitely buy your book. I've lost my mum when I was 13, my father was both an absentee and abusive one, and I'm now a mum of a tiny girl of my own. The saying that "I've seen what not to do" is not doing anything for me, I need guidance and instructions. I hope your book can help me with that.

You covered “reality parenting” perfectly.

Gwenna, thank you for being honest and raw in your story. You're an inspiration for all of us cycle-breaking parents out here. We appreciate you! 🎉

As an older sibling myself, this video was so helpful for me. As I've grown up, I've learned that my parents were well... people. Nobody is prepared or really knows what's going on when it comes to raising a child. You can read all the books you want and do infinite research but it's never quite like actually having a child. My parents were doing their best with their situation and having that realisation that they're people allowed all of us to work to repairing our bonds. We all make mistakes and my parents actively made the shift to responsive parenting for my younger sibling and, honestly, I'm glad that our family is finally thriving. Thank you for being an inspiration and source of education to parents and children everywhere!

My mother's situation was very alike - absent partner, splitting when I was 2 - I even remember her first being very apologetic and openly remorseful for her outbursts the first years of my life. Sadly, instead of using the shame she felt to look for ways to do better, she made decisions that would numb her to the shame. She used projection and alcohol to avoid ever feeling like a shit mom again. She loved using the absent father-single mom-tough life narrative as a shield between her and any kind of criticism. I'm 31 now, and the last time I spoke to her, she did the same thing she always did: Making me feel like a criminal for bringing up stuff that threatens her winefueled cozy natrative of her being perfect. Only this time, I finally had enough. That was 2 years ago. I have such mixed feelings when watching your content. Like looking through an interdimensional veil, not that far away from where my experience resides, and yet this kind of upbringing feels like a completely different galaxy where my kind of gravity that shaped me simply doesn't exist. Mind boggling. Hope inducing. Heartbreaking. I hope your content catches enough parents at the threshold where my mom used to stand, giving them enough tools to endure the reality of their mistakes, and not let them succumb to the shame and design their whole life around avoiding it.

I love the candor here. For whatever reason my parents realized they were screwing things up with me and parented my brother differently but remained committed to not changing how they treated me. As a result we don't have a relationship today.

I think the biggest difference with you vs others is that you recognized that you needed to change. and you didn't just apply it forward, you applied with Abigail as well. I'm the oldest child and it took... twi children? for my parents to.. kinda change and they didn't apply it with me.. lotta emotional baggage with me due to them and one of many reasons I don't talk to them anymore

Im 44 and don't have kids myself but your videos are helping me reconcile my feelings towards my parents. I think I'm an uncooked gooey pancake. I'm the youngest and have felt like my parents just gave up by the time it came to me. I had very little rules in the house but my mom swears its because I was such a caring and respectful kid I didn't need them. But it didn't feel great not having the same guidelines so i gave myself a curfew and rules to adhere by.

I'm 17, and not planning on having kids until at least 22. I have 2 younger siblings, babysitting experience, and am trying to get my first (official) job at a daycare or nursery. I am also taking therapy and want to do a childcare course before I have my first kid. Since I am the eldest and the inedible first pancake myself, I want to take every measure and practice I can to avoid burning my future first pancake- or any of them really. I still have a lot of habits and responses I need (but don't know how) to train myself out of, like how defensive and quick to attack I can be with my siblings. Or how sensitive I am to disrespect/being ignored and the need to have control over the situation. Overall, I need to learn efficient patience and anger control if I don't want to treat my kid/s the way I've treated my siblings. I want to be the chill parent, that's good at listening and a welcoming space for my kid to come to when they have issues or big feelings. My siblings don't do that, because I am not that person now and I'm struggling to reach that point.

I love these video essays, Gwenna. I have 4 littles and easily flared temper, particularly when crossed. Your presence and encouragement has challenged me (a first pancake) in the most gentle way to do and be better for them, especially my first pancake who is very much my mother's curse come to haunt me: sweet but wilfully difficult. I caught myself overwhelmed last night around getting dinner ready (later than i wanted, missing ingredients, too much snow to shop, the days frustrations piled up, you name it). I would up yelling at number 2 for something that honestly was more a cry for space to process and move than anything else. She took umbrage and called me out. For once I actually set aside my pride, backed down just a bit and apologized for how I had treated her. I told her i was having a hard time, that it wasnt her fault, and that I just needed some space to work out what to do with the situation. Usually i keep pushing people away until I get what I think I want. This time I changed tack right away. Im sure I've done it before, but this was the first time I noticed. I'm proud of me. Thank you for your example of how to do it better ❤

I think your Abby-pancake is awesome!

Oh, how I wish I had you to listen to when my children were little! I could have been a much better mother! My grandchildren will get a copy of your book as they are approaching parenthood.

I wish my mom had realised along the way what she was doing wrong. She only did when I was 18/19 -ish and already moved out. I remember her telling me when I was 15 how great it is to see that I’m starting to develop a personality. As if infants and toddlers didn’t have one. As if I never had one. Yes I leaned to suppress it and always put her first but I’ve always had a very distinct one she apparently just couldn’t see because she just saw me as a pet. I also remember her saying that now finally the time arrived where she should start parenting me. I was 18, or 19, doesn’t really matter. What does it that I’m a full grown adult and you had 18 years to achieve that goal. You could have started at any moment but you wanted to right when I accepted that I’m an adult now responsible for my self.

“Parents who don’t care how the pancakes turn out don’t do shit like that.” Never didn’t think I’d sob at the end of a pancake analogy . I swear I found your channel for a reason. You are not only amazing but relatable af ❤

I love your honesty! I just had a conversation with my mother about how I parent. I was an only child with undiagnosed ADHD and a mom in constant survival mode. Now my pancake is also very ADHD and I used to get triggered into my mom's survival mode. I've worked on it. I'm still not the mom I want to be, but I understand myself (and my condition) a lot better by learning what is good for my own child, by making sure to provide every treatment, therapy, and help I can manage. I started by verbalising. Second kiddo acting out after daycare doesn't get a frustrated, tired mom who'd love to rant about her day to a toddler, no, they get a tired mom saying "Oh kiddo, sounds like you had a hard, long day, too! Wanna cuddle and talk about it?" My pancake still triggers me more but probably because we are so similar but we're both on a good path communicating what we need, and I try a lot harder to listen to what they don't say. Does it always work? Nope, but also thanks to you, I feel like I'm not f*cking my kids up too much

Literally crying. You are the parent i hope that i can finally grow to be. I love watching and learning from you, and watching your amazing family grow! Your first pancake is pretty great 💙💙💙

Just an fyi I think Abby is a perfect pancake. Thank you for being so open about your parenting journey. Being a late Gen X mom to an almost 10 yr old and a 5 yr old I feel so much guilt to the way I parented my first few yrs as a mom. Your videos help me so much. Xoxoxo love you

Abby also has had the benefit of watching how you have matured and grown, not just as a parent. In fact you’ve both matured and grown together. My daughter is now a 29 year old mum herself, I had her when I was 21 & my circumstances were exactly as yours Gwenna. We were talking about the benefits of getting her little Widget into a feeding & sleeping routine, when she asked why I never had any rules for them. I was surprised by this question because I was sure I had rules. But looking back, the rules I had were placed on myself. I kept feeding to a timetable, I made myself implement the bath-book-bed regime. What I put upon the kids weren’t rules, they were boundaries. Which probably can be viewed as responsive parenting. Five minutes to help tidy toys up, otherwise we have to have a shorter bath or story, stay playing where you can see the door, because then you know I can see your safe, let me know your having dinner out at least an hour before dinner time then I won’t cook too much, let me know if your staying out, but if circumstances change don’t do anything silly, ring me, no matter what time it is. I had strict parents, a nurse and a policeman obviously see the bad in life, so I don’t blame them for trying to protect me in the way they thought best. But, as most kids do, I wanted to be the opposite type of parent. I think the fact that my daughter didn’t notice any rules says that I achieved that. Even if I had a temper slip occasionally. Honestly, the most amazing thing is that I managed to raise two kids to adulthood without maiming or injuring them. And it may seem at some point, when they have left home and are busy developing their independent lives, that they don’t need us parents. But that’s simply not true. This will sound so ridiculous. My mum died suddenly when I was 27. I have always been a tomboy & had no interest in skin care. But now I would love to have my mum around to discus what type of moisturiser she would recommend. There’s hundreds of them & I haven’t got a clue, having mum around to share how overwhelmed I feel when looking at the face care isle in the shop and have her advice would really mean a lot to me. I wonder how many people have these types of seemingly trivial conversations with their parents and don’t realise they are important ways of communicating with each other, showing that no matter how old we are we still need our mums. ❤

I love Momma Cusses, Im 17 years old and have absent parents and abusive grandparents so I love watching her content and feeling better about myself and resolving to be a great parent when i have children in the future.

You are amazing. We have been in very similar boats and to know how far I've came with my children is worth celebrating. People ask me would you change anything and i always say no because we wouldn't be the people we are without the stuff we went through but we are here on the other side and still learning to be better people xx

I'm infinitely thankfull that there's people (and parents) like you out there who are sharing their experiences. Resources like these matter so, so much. I'm about your age and grew up as the only child of two deeply traumatized parents who did their best to not fry their first pancake but unfortunately got lucky they didn't burn the house down, instead. Looking back on how hard they both, my Mum especially, tried to untangle their own backgrounds and fight their demons to keep them from impacting me, I sometimes think we all just got extremly unlucky with timing. Because there weren't nearly as many resources as there are today. And a lot of the existing ones weren't actually helpful.

Gwenna, you don't know how much I needed this. And if I needed it, chances are a lot of other moms needed it too. You are making the world a better place. It's never been more necessary for us to parent our kids better. And to try to be better. So that they can be better! I just love this so much. Thank you

I am the oldest of 3 like your daughter, with a 10 year gap between myself & my youngest sister. Everything you said resonated so much. I love my parents a lot, and I know they tried their best, but I absolutely am the first pancake they were learning on. Especially emotionally. What makes you a great parent is that you have the courage to look honestly at yourself & at the situation. And to admit that yes, your daughter missed out on something and that sucks. And you can sit with that feeling instead of pushing it back onto her. My parents would never acknowledge what you just did & it sucks bc, truly, that’s all I’d need. Just you being willing to look honestly at yourself with your daughter I know means-and will mean-the world to her. She is watching you do the work & that is so powerful.

As the oldest of five in a blended family , I witnessed the pancake phenomenon firsthand. It's crazy heartwarming to watch my dad be such an emotionally available and mature parent to my siblings, and im so proud of him. And im glad he can be that kind of parent to me as a new adult.

From my first pancake raising 2 little pancakes, thank you. And also now I'm crying

Imagine those of us who only had one and realized how many mistakes you made as a stupid kid yourself. It did irreparable harm. No do-overs & my daughter refuses to have children so i dont even get a grandbaby redemption😢

Just ordered your book 🎉 how lucky your daughter is to have this new and self reflective mom, even if it was “late”. I am 37, with a family of my own now, and feel like I was still batter left in the bowl. Becoming a mother, I had to pour myself into the pan and try to make myself the best pancake I could. That “village” people talk about was nonexistent for me when raising my baby, and I’m still cooking in the pan. Thank you for this video! Cannot wait to read your book!

Watching this just tore me up. Thank you. I am crying wishing my parents had even tried responsive parenting.

I’ve been watching your shorts….and I love them….❤ first time with a longer video…and now I love you! 😊 I am so impressed with your character building, and how you are using it to also build and raise your kiddos!🥰

Thank you for your candid honesty about the reality of parenting. I love your channel!

I really enjoy all aspects of your videos. My only pancake is nearly 47..Golly gosh! We were 32 and 34 respectively when he was born having been married for 9 years. With out the basic changers you face I still could have done with these snippets of sense and wisdoms.

There are 11 years between my oldest and youngest as well. My oldest is always telling me how unfair it is that she was my " practice child," I feel used pretty unfair to but I apologize often and try to help her understand. It's so hard though

Oh how I needed to see this video at this exact moment! Currently spiraling on the daily because we are so close to having potty training down but have hit a bump, the exact week of my period, & it has been so hard! I am constantly worried how I am going to screw up my almost 3 yr old. I had a mother in survival mode & trying to parent differently than she did is so incredibly difficult! I am 34 I have more patience than I would have if I did this 10 yrs ago but I still never feel like it is enough. Yesterday I completely broke down & cried several times, one of which my toddler came over to me told me to take a deep breath & gave me a big squeeze. I know I am doing things differently & it is working but so days it feels like I may really burn this little pancake. This video just showed me that I can keep doing the work & just keep trying & it will get better. It can be done & I am not a failure at this whole Mama thing!

As a mom of 4 with the most unique first pancake, thank you for this video. You're so right about them ya know, they truly are some of the best ones! Mine is about to be 17 and I couldn't be more proud to be her mom! She could be doing so many other things in high school but instead she's meeting up with her 4 besties to drink Capri sun juices and have a slime making party on a Saturday night! I wish I would've been more responsive when she was little but I'm learning now and I will continue to do better for all of my babies! Thank you for all that you do! Your book is so inspiring and I am forever grateful to you for sharing your experiences and your kindness with the world! Never lose your light, it's truly so beautiful ❤❤❤

Your words touched my heart. 2-3 minutes in and I already had tears in my eyes. I loved the way you put this into words. Each and every metaphor, your humor, your realistic and down to earth approach… And more than anything else, you sharing your own truth like this made me think about my own parents. As a new parent myself, I feel lost at times. Children don’t come with a manual and keeping myself emotionally stable is a challenge on and off itself. And I am so scared to mess up my baby unknowingly. I find myself thinking about my own mother who went through so much, similar to your story. I don’t want her to feel guilty. I like when she takes accountability for her actions, yes. But she gave me her best, whatever she had at that time. With all the similarity in our situation, I think Abby must be proud of your growth as a mother and she is gonna be a good happy pancake as an adult thanks to you. Thank you for teaching us that we’re enough and for a change I want to tell you that you’re enough. Even if you don’t need to hear it to feel validated, I just want you to know that is what I think

This was so real, and put everything into perspective. I love my one and only pancake so much! He is a great guy, and went through the ups and downs with me, much like Abby and you did. He's going to be 27 this year. Truly, where does the time go? He's the light of my life. Thanks for this video, Gwenna!

You are inspirational! Thank you for sharing your knowledge and experience.

I can’t thank you enough for this video. I think this is going to be a big help in my healing process with my own mother and will help me In the future with my own children. ❤

I cannot ever watch your video and not cry. It’s always moving your content. You as a human are truly a gift from whatever you believe 😅 Thank you for putting your self out there in such a vulnerable way but so incredibly helpful and touching. I feel like you heal my own wounds whilst guiding me to being a better person and parent. Thank you ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

I sent this to my oldest daughter out of six children. I couldn't have articulated it better myself!❤ Thank you!

That was a nice Abby impression! 😂 Great video! ❤

The first pancake 🤣🤣🤣 I've only got one 😳 You're hilarious. Love it. Definitely subscribing.

Your video thumbnail was what caughty attention!! I'm actually a child-free hooman and absolutely appreciated this video 💙💙

Oh Gwenna where were you when I was raising my girls..you are just so real! And an inspiration to all mums out there.

Each video I watch I learn ans use these techniques and see how they work so much better not just for my kids but for myself, big emotions aren't just for kids but for adults too, sometimes they can come off strong! Thank you for helping me get better for not just myself but Mt family

I am commenting here because your last post about birthday parties just made me sob like a lonely kid in a ball pit. So very poignant well-written. I just had to say that, thank you.

My first pancake came out a lot better than it should’ve 😅I thought I had accidentally used salt but it was sugar after all 😅

Oh my gosh, YES!! thank you so much for this backstory I relate to far too much of it. And I am so proud of you and your daughter because you're absolutely right in your description of her as the pancake at the end and well executed flip. Here's to her getting it more and more as she grows and that being something that draws you even closer. Can't wait for your audiobook

Great vlog Gwenna..... so thankful for your honesty and humour

I am the first pancake. I know your "because you're here" wasn't directed at me, but I really felt it. I AM here, wonky edges and all, and I'm still a perfectly good pancake! I'm not irreparably fucked up, even if I've got a few extra-toasty bits

I've seen a lot of your shorts, but this is the first full video I've watched. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I love the analogy of your children being pancakes. I especially liked the point about forming a bond with your children greater than blood and survival. I've been listening to some stuff about attachment parenting (shout-out to attachmentnerd) and think that there's very little better that you can do for your child's emotional well-being than that. I think a lot of us with children born while we were still maturing and emulating the parenting we had, while trying to survive ourselves, can't help but to look at our kids and to feel strongly for the parents that they didn't have during their formative years. It's a struggle, but I'm learning that it's okay to mourn what could have been while being grateful to be where I am.

your acknowledgment that I care enough to be here to the end and my little pancake will be okay filled me with tears out of no where. Thank you for sharing your wisdom. It’s both educational and highly entertaining to me ❤

Been a subscriber for a while and I gotta say, love the analogies as my oldest pancake is an April fools kid. I make all the jokes, analogies, all of it to survive the teenage challenges and I will say, I’ve been feeling at a loss with that pancake and this vlog came at the right time. Thanks for the laugh and the video I didn’t realize I may have needed for perspective.

I so hope you realize how many people got a free therapy session by watching this video. Kids don't come with a handbook. My second had ADHD. I learned the phrase, 'pick your battles' while dealing with him, and hearing, "I HATE YOU!" My response was always, "I LOVE YOU TOO! I just don't like you very much right now." I always said that someday he would have kids, and I hoped they were just like him. They aren't, but when they act up, I just sit and laugh silently. He saw me laughing one time and asked what was so funny. I said, "Paybacks are hell!"

I had that moment, and I caught it early. And I've made huge changes just in the last 8 months. Feeling pretty good about how we're doing and I love getting reminders and perspective from videos like this. ❤

thank you for the last bit about parents staying til the end of the video caring about how their pancakes turn out 😢. i’m a young mom and i really needed to hear that , and i’m going to purchase your book on responsive parenting , like you said it’s never too late ❤. sending you all the best :))

Oldest child myself, raising 3 kids... (oldest is in 20's and moved out now)... Thanks for this video. Thanks. Mom guilt is real.

No kids, but the oldest so much truth and what you said, and yet the eldest are also some of the strongest, I enjoy your parenting words of advice and wish all the mothers out there, grace and luck

I'm 2 paragraphs into the foreword and already laughing through my tears. I had to put it down and run over to the first video I could find to comment this. I've been waiting months for this and I already got the first page wet. Lol ❤ proud of you and can't wait to really dig into this book.

As not only the mother to 4 amazing and beautiful little pancakes but also the first pancake, this struck a cord hard! My mom fully admitted last year that I was/ am not only her first pancake but her throw away pancake. But she's "sorry for whatever she did when we were kids" 🙄. An apology is an apology I guess. Anyway I always knew that I wanted to be the exact opposite of that with my kids. So when I had my first son 14 years ago (at 19 years old) I was ready! Not ready to be a mom, but ready to not be my mom! And looking back over the last 14 years I have not been a great mom or hell even a good mom half the time. And there is plenty of stuff I wish I could change. But I never not once have told or made my son feel like he is or was my throw away pancake. I check in with him at least once a week just a little mommy son sit down. Talk about school and whatnot and make sure he's in an okay place emotionally and mentally and also to remind him how proud of him I am! How lucky I am to be his mom! How grateful I am to him for making me a mom! And how much I love him! I tell all my kids this but I tell him specifically the most, because I know what it's like to see your younger siblings getting more love and praise than you. I know what it's like to be the throw away.

Im LOVING your content. You are seriously the mum i wish i could be, im in the stage of trying to become responsive not reactive. ITS FFn HARD 😢 Ive got 5 kids aged 13, 10, 9, 5 and 2yrs. My 5yo and 2yo have definitely had a more responsive mum. The 10 and 9 yo are TOOOOOO much like me and we clash alot. Sadly my 1st pancake has been through a hell of time with family losses, housing instabilities, job losses etc that for the last 5yrs he has understood so stressed on it. Also the victim of bullying by a teacher many years ago at his 1st school. All of which has me very worried as a mother about his mental health and the years to come. You truly have been helping me word/construct conversations in a way more meaningful and helpful direction. The last month i have noticed a HUGE difference in my 13yo, and myself. I want to thankyou from the bottom of my heart. Please keep content coming. ❤

Never fails. Whenever I watch any of your videos, my eyes are wet. Either cuz I'm laughing so hard I'm crying, or ... someone's chopping onions somewhere... 😢

I feel this and relate so much! My kids are 8 years apart! I’m now converting to “gentle” parenting & loving episodes because I truly know I’m not the only one!

You don’t have to tell me twice. I NEED this video for my soul

I feel as thought I need to send the first part of this to my older sister.

I'm loving these more indepth stories - still waiting to be able to preorder the audiobook in the UK. Hopefully whatever rights issues are up in the air can get sorted out soon.

Just the fact that Abby wrote it is enough to make me tear up. I know that I'm going to be sobbing when I read it at work. I can't wait. I preordered copies for me, my best friend, and my mom.

I'm proud of you. As a survivor myself, I know it is very hard to not react in a big way when stress hits. I raised my sisters, alongside my mother, they are my kids. It takes a lot of determination, respect for others and work to shift into a responsible, less panicked way of parenting. Or, just interacting with people in general. Talking out the bad earlier times, when I was NOT mentally stable, has been absolutely paramount, with my family. It's not easy to not only get your life in gear, but to apologise for your past behaviour, so, good on you. Seriously.

Thank you 😊 My hubby and I are both first pancakes. Due to health and choices (mostly age) we will only have our first pancake, short of adoption. He just turned 5 and we try hard for gentle/ responsive parenting. Being 80's kids we have some hurdles of our own but my diagnosis of post partum anxiety & depression 3 years ago has not helped me make logical choices. I only hope that we can get better at this parenting thing. With Spectrum testing this summer and kindergarten this fall my pancake has some big changes coming. Fingers crossed 🤞 that we'll see Christmas all in one piece.

I’m not a parent to human kids (just furbabies), but as a 27 year old who is working on learning to better myself, and unlearn all the things that I learned growing up, I think that this advice is helpful for anyone, whether they have children or not! Not only is the analogy a great analogy, but all of the advice about reacting versus responding when handling situations…very insightful and helpful when trying to heal your inner wounded child! Unlearning things that have been engrained in you since childhood, as an adult, it can be very difficult. Like you said. It takes work. Hard work. And determination, dedication, and just to never stop trying to go forward. ❤️

I properly needed to hear this right now. Thank you.😢

wonky first pancake here (then again i think second pancake is also turning out wonky, just in a different way, but who am i to judge). beautiful analogy

❤ I had my first pancake when I was 16. She is now 23 and in college. The pancakes that followed all got versions of me that the others didn't. I've had the apology talks with her. Her brothers are 19, 16, and 10. The end of your video made me choke back a tear or two. Thanks, Gwenna, for sharing your journey and your first pancake with us. She's one of a kind and her personality is the best!

Welp, now I'm crying. That last sentence did it. Thank you, Gwenna. ❤

You are such a wonderful resource in this world ❤❤

Whew, I had a few tears during this one. I tripped into parenthood at 21 when I became a stepmom. I look back at how much I used yelling as a tool and it's frustrating that I didn't have any other tools in my box. I still fall back on it sometimes and the feeling of guilt afterwords is sickening. Working everyday to be better for these kids ❤

I can't believe you just made this video but thank you for making it. I literally just got done messaging my son, who is 26 and told him he was the first pancake and he said "huh" and so I just came to RU-vid and typed 'first kid first pancake ' and this was the first video. And I'm like, I know her from Instagram, and so I started watching and saw you literally made this yesterday. Perfect timing ❤ thank you for helping me explain the first pancake 😂 Also, your story sounds just like mine to the exact details like my son was 2.

I am the 1st pancake and I am so proud of my mother for trying and doing the best that she could do for my sister,myself ,and now my sister's little pancake! We all are still learning everyday!!!❤😅😂

Love you!! Your real. You get it. God bless you and your family. Tell Abby I absolutely love her sassy.

😂 I love the pancake analogy! I have many previously made pancakes that I churched up when I came around, they turned out alright ❤ still working on my only pancake (11yrs old now) marinating till coming of age😅

I’ve nannied for many many first pancakes and seen the results of parents that are living in survival mode. Although I myself am a last pancake, I turned out with many burned edges and uneven bits. Seeing the results of so many parenting styles has made me peruse learning how to improve myself and begin to regulate my reactions before I have children. Nothing can truly prepare anyone for parenthood but I hope to give my future kids the best chance I can give them. I hope to read your book before that time comes

I don't know why your shit always makes me cry but thank you for posting every single bit of it 💜Parenting. Is. Hard.

Your oldest is 100% benefitting from the mom you are now- and so are any kids she chooses to have. For that matter, so are everyone who gets to interact with her, because she is learning empathy, respect, and accountability from you in amazing ways.

I tell me dad all of the time "every parents fuck up their kids... Guilt is fine but shame is unnecessary." We're very close now, and they shifted from reactive to responsive when I was young enough to not remember much before. My brother was the first.

Well you just made me cry at work. I am the oldest and have two children. I have been a much better mom for my daughter than I was for my son when he was really young. I did make changes and we have a really close relationship, but yeah mom guilt sucks!

It felt like you were telling my story. And then I got to 12:57 and you had me bawling. I do carry a lot of guilt and shame over my first pancake.

My first was born with a major health issue, so she wasn’t our pancake, more like a delicate crepe. Our second was more like our first because she was a typical baby. And we had a surprise, unplanned third, who is also the only boy, 5 years later. We parent each child differently because they are all vastly different. But we are a shame free, hitting free, yelling free family. Now, I will admit a rare yell, but it really is rare. My sigh, gets attention more! I love them. They’ve made life incredibly messy, and oh so fun.

I really needed this!❤❤❤

A full symphony of experience and change. Some notes are my own. ❤

13:09 ♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️ nobody makes me really genuinely feel better about that guilt bc it’s so unexplainable that not a lot of people understand without judging. Plus I don’t really like sharing my feelings with just anyone and to top it off.. 🥴 I don’t trust many people to confide important, vulnerable situations like this. Thank you♥️ we will be getting your book asap🥹♥️ and continue supporting your channel🤗

Thank you so much for this... ❤

Thanks. I needed to hear that.

Being the eldest child the only addition I can give is that if you were/are an emotionally (or otherwise) abusive parent for whatever reasons the day will come when your grown up child starts asking for answers, it'll probably cime in the form of accusation, be honest with them. I was in my 20's and finally gave up after many arguements and much therapy in my 50's - my parent could face themselves. I chose to do the opposite with my eldest (who suffered because if my not having my sorted things with my parent). When she started the push back and accusations I answered honestly, warts and all. It took a few years and I had to respect her boundaries and soeed if coping but we are both much better people and she is a far better parent than I was for her. We actually like each other and all the pain was worth the very emotional journey with her down memory lane. Don't dump to much on them with the explaining of yourself when they're young just because you're ready to unload doesn't mean they are. It is absolutely the hardest (and eventually the best) part of parenting to learn to be open and not pass things off with excuses. Good luck 💜🇦🇺

I’m the first pancake, and I am burnt and torn and not even recognizable as a pancake. My dad may as well have been absent and my mom was extremely abusive and manipulative, and played favorites all while denying everything she did to me and that she had a favorite child. I’m also soon to be a mom myself, and so I’m doing all the research I possibly can and putting as much work into myself and my relationship with my fiancé and parents as possible so my kids don’t have to deal with what I did. Your book will hopefully help us navigate the world of parenting together in a healthy way

Ok but the first 3 1/2 minutes of this already has me tearing up because I relate so much. Ugh ok let me finish this and see if these tears end up down my face because I just know that my oldest is so messed up because of me 🤦🏼‍♀️ and she turns 18 this year so yay me I'm terrified.

I’m the second pancake, and my mom never learned. 😅 but it comforts me to see someone who has learned and continues to. ❤

I'm the first pancake and my mom has made the "the first pancake always comes out a little weird" joke a couple times. My brother and I always had a fairly strict upbringing, but by the time my sister came along, my parents got more permissive. Not responsive, permissive. I watch these videos because I hope to be a good parent when I have kids