She's a moron. Phew she can die withought a lineage I know she'll have a existential or lack there of but a crisis. That female is out of order! Her parents could be disappointed if they were alive. SAD. All parents should be ashamed of these bastards.
Exactly, I would rather die having nothing to worry about! Lol Also, there are other options than "career" and "kids". Being human offers alternative experience beside work.
He's not insisting anything. He merely gives his heart felt advice. Take it or leave it, but he actually cares about people's lives... and the quality of their lives as well.
@@georgielancaster1356your opinion means very little with that plate sized depth there. Also no one cares how brain washed and stupid you are. JBP might, but no one with shit to do cares. Get a hobby 🤡
@@georgielancaster1356in just this clip that has been edited he is not doing the judging thing he often describes as truth. That’s his curse. His manner of speaking typically obscures the message. Someone found a way to edit this into an actual useful message. He just asks her to think about she might be giving up if she doesn’t have a family. His past comments and opinions are almost all judging. I think that is a very serious drawback and danger of his profession. One on one in a therapy session doctors can’t really hide their approval or disapproval. It’s always there. The patient may not notice because often they are in the moment. This is not a newly discovered thing. In front of an audience the judging and disapproval is clear. This clip has been edited to remove that and show how this should be properly done. Dr Phil had the same issue. The person that pioneered group therapy did so because he got called out for the judging by an observer of treatment.
If he cares about the quality of their lives then he should understand that there’s a quality in not having kids. But he can’t understand that because as a boomer he’s stuck in his ways.
I’m a dad to an 18 year old, she was born when I was 38. I can’t imagine life without her. She is a source of constant joy and pride. Not everyone is supposed to have children, but it shouldn’t be ruled out.
@scotybeen- you must be a gen y member so it's forgivable that you can't do basic math with common core as your foundation. Maybe you just don't have any basic knowledge on life span but the Average life span for a man is not 56 years and statistically speaking he should be there for not only high school graduation but grandkids too.
but people who are not family are so much more likely to fuck you about or just drift away or whatever. I'm 33 and it's very difficult to make true friends who you see regularly even at this age, living in a major city. it's easy to make lots of casual friendships, but people do not want to invest too much in non-family once they get older because they see that friends come and go
As somone who has alot of family members that are 85+ they go to funerals literally every 2 weeks. People they had community with die faster then they can make new ones when you are that old
Nothing’s a guarantee in life. You will reap what you sow. Take your time, build and cultivate a family. If you do a shitty job you’ll get a shitty family. It’s on you and a bit of luck.
Raising children is such a small snapshot in time when you look at your whole life. It’s also not all awful. Most of it is a joy. The time slips by in a blink and then they’re independent. They’re adults. They’re suddenly your peer, not your dependant.
It is a 50/50. Financial Investment in which you will never break even. The cost of a child is approximately 250,000 for 18 years. Per child. A quarter of a million. You can have children, if you are very lucky, they will go and make you proud, love you and take care of you when you are elderly. And be very grateful. If you unlucky they will take from you, FINANCIALLY, EMOTIONALLY AND PHYSICALLY and these children will be FOREVER ungrateful of all the sacrifices that you made for them. In the worst case scenario you will end up lonely and your children will be resentful of the quality of life that you gave them because somehow it was not enough for them. Get a dog. Or a cat. Better value for money.
I have a lot of clients that tell me about their lives and I find that community ends up being very important to people as they age. Having children can be helpful in this way but there’s no guarantee. Sometimes people aren’t close at all with their children. I think it’s very important to make friends and make sure you have close friends as you age
Sadly it's easily said as keeping friends/community is fxckin hard, as people have been groomed from the perpetual psy-op in the western world to be deracinated, fickle and ultimately weak
Exactly, some people really shouldn't have kids, Peterson is acting like this woman would make a good mother. She is a journalist, they are the lowest of the low scum. She would no doubt abuse he kids and would likely turn them into little sociopaths as well.
What about me i want a family but im an autistic male, and i cant get a gf or even a date ! im miserable beyond belif and ive never had a gf and im 45 !
@@mcpartridgeboy it's never too late. have you tried finding other autistic people? I'm autistic too and it always helps to form connections with other autistic people.
@@k4nd1incyb3rsp4c3 Yeah of course ive tried finding autisti women, i voluntear at my local city once a month were we have a social for autistic people, but totally unsuprosingly autistic women dont like socially akward uys who are bad at pick up any more than NT women do ! Your a woman so this wownt affect you ! you will always have dating easy ! It feels so pointless trying now.
When my father passed away, it wasn’t his career that looked after him and gathered around his bed crying while thanking him for our wonderful times together it was his children and grandchildren.
This implies that she has no family or close friends that would be by her side. I think this narrative that if a woman doesn’t have children that she will die alone is false. Just because you have children doesn’t guarantee you’ll have a perfect loving relationship with them.
@@thefairygoddess3929 you can still be loved by people and have meaningful relationships, though parent and child is a completely different type of love.
It’s nice yes… but it’s sad how rude and judgmental people are with their responses at times, especially to questions. To me there are no stupid questions (minus some exceptions) but often times I get looked at weirdly or even insulted by some people if my question was a ‘duh’ moment to them.
@@marinaSassygUrl88 never be ashamed of the TRUTH Never try and run from it Face It and accept the fact that you were wrong... then Cry me a River, Build yourself a Bridge, And GET OVER IT!
@@mommasbigboy8656 mmm that’s an interesting point of view but no i don’t think so. Although i would argue that you were triggered enough to attack me and i wasn’t even talking to you sooo… 😂
“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is end up with people that make you feel all alone." Robin Williams
Imagine a single conversation with Jordan, with how precisely he describes everything.. your life can change right there and then. I'm so amazed by his talking skills and vocabulary.
I’ve always been impressed with his speaking skills and vocabulary. He can often say something that’s perfectly obvious as though it’s a profound revelation, or something that really makes no sense, but still sounds impressive.
Nah, I love coming home to just me in my own space. I don’t need a pointless family to interfere with that. It’s bad enough dealing with people at work.
I'm in my 70s. From the time I left home I have lived alone by choice. For me it just worked out best. Usually have a few dogs for company, I can do as I wish when I want. I am a very happy hermit and not at all lonely. There is the question of what happens to me at the very end with no family to help out, but plenty of elderly have children and the kids prioritize their own families over Mom and Pop and aren't there anyway. So that's the chance I have opted to take. As long as I have a friend who will scatter my ashes with those of my dogs, I'll be content.
@@emmap1159i only had boys, but four of them close in age. Their dad and I never thought of the goal as happiness. Life is hard. Life is not fair. But there is peace and joy to be had anyway. From one mom to another, I hope you’ll reconsider your statement here. Your happiness (or behaviors) are not your daughters responsibility. And her happiness is not yours! Guide her, protect her and lead by example. Us moms have enough guilt, don’t take on your daughter’s happiness. She’ll manipulate you.
In this, he expressed that his family is a crutch and that when he was younger, they meant less to him. Sounds like he stumbled into it and is now happy to use them to feel fulfilled. Good for him, but this is pure selfishness. I hope his family feel loved and not just used.
@@kaz1388 He's talking about making a family. And that is normal and very common, most people think their career will last till their 90's and fulfil them but it doesn't. As people age their family that they have created becomes more important to them. How the hell did you interpret him as using his family. This is the dumbest shit ever, modern idea that you can just fulfil yourself and if you need family to fulfil you're life then you're selfish, what a dumb fucking point. Please elaborate if you even can, it's hard as you have no actual points.
@CreedColisionAC listen the whole of what he says. There are some interesting insights. But fine, if you want to be dazzled but the one lovely thing he says in this piece, go for it.
@@kaz1388 Alright. If you're looking for some hidden inner truth to what he said, that's exactly what you'll find. But what he expressed by itself has nothing wrong, it actually seems that it stems from a well crafted character, considering the concepts of community and the growing importance of his family. And it's from his own perspective so we would expected the word "I".
Lol it's not about needing a family and it's not about loneliness like the comments assume. Family offers opportunity for growth and lots of beautiful moments that tend be more fulfilling than a career. Our families and love is a much better legacy than a job.
But being alone indefinitely will without doubt lead to loneliness. There's many studied and anecdotal evidence of this. Can you say that family eventually leads to feeling alone?
A social net makes us content, I think is more precise. The simple fact of being in a romantic relationship doesnt automatically make one happy. But we are social creatures, 99.9% of people cant live a happy life completely isolated from human contact. Happiness is a fleeting break between mundanity, but being content is more constsnt.
My four were 4 and under. You are so blessed! Enjoy every moment, even the parts that are hard. Do what you can Mom, and trust God with what you can’t. He is faithful 💜
@@despizeperform5367Idiotic was probably a bit much, but in all likelihood, the way you feel on your deathbed is the general way you felt during the latter years of your life, which is a lot of years. You might say it’s not worthwhile sacrificing explicit comfort of the now to a vaguely rewarding future, but it often is.
I’m a 31 year old man, with a 2.5 year old. I wasn’t desperate to have a child with my wife but she wanted one. In fact if she didn’t want one I wouldn’t have. But now we have him, my god, I’m glad we did, he’s everything to me. The point is, your reason for having children isn’t necessarily the most important, it’s how you feel and act once you have one, that’s truly important.
Great point. Family doesn't automatically mean happiness or not being lonely. There is a huge difference between a healthy family and a non healthy family.
@@anorourke8682 how? Parenting is not temporary. If you're feeling alone, get a hobby, get a life. And start a family when you're capable of handling another human being. If you are lonely from inside, one might end up projecting issues to their children. Hence passing in the childhood trauma.
Having a daughter was the best thing to happen to me as a father. Seeing her learn and grow is a true blessing. She's 1 year now and it's truly been the best single year of my life. To hold your own child smiling back to you, it's unbelievably nice.
My daughter is about to be a teen. All those wonderful baby smiles and knowing she relies on me, GOES TO SHIT THE MINUTE THEY THINK THEY KNOW EVERYTHING!!!!!!
Thats only true for women, if i chose a woman as my gf she has to say yes and she wownt because i need a long list of things before i can even be considered as a bf and one of the things on that list is not being autistic, but i am autistic so im fucked. Its only women who chose who to be with, men have to work like hell to get there and even then they often dont, and even if they can get a gf its very ratre they will get the one they want, its much more likely they will just have to say yes to anyone they can. So what you say is only true for women, men dont get that privelidge.
Having children to stem off boredom or loneliness in later life is not a reason to have children. Being a mother is often a very lonely and isolating job in itself. It's very easy for men to sit there and talk about having children, after all they're not the ones carrying or birthing the child. Going through hormonal issues and permanent body changes that you're immediately expected to accept. Often these new changes mean your body no longer works properly after birth. Additionally, having to give up not only your body, skills, career but also your literal self (your needs and self care) so that you can take care of this helpless new being who needs you literally 24/7 for its first few years. With people expecting you to get up and perform daily without complaining or understanding of what you're going through, this sounds pretty lonely and isolating! Even if married, men are often not even in the picture to help with any of these challenges that come with bearing a new life but we as women are still made to feel bad, that we are doing something wrong for choosing to prioritise our mental and physical health by not having children for the sole purpose to stem off boredom or loneliness in later life.
Yes!!!! This exactly. It should be normalized for women to say they do not necessarily want kids. I hate the pressure society puts on us to go through all of this crap. A man being so casual about ‘just having kids’ makes my blood boil
It is important for those of us who can't have children to still live with a community of tightly knit intimate connections outside of children. Living with a strong sense of purpose and a loving community will bring joy and love too ❤️
Absolutely - but I think the difference here, is that people that did want children and couldn't manage to have them, still have a desire to seek out a family like community around them as they see the blessing in that, so they often invest themselves in youngsters as an uncle/aunt figure etc, and have a rewarding relationship of caring, whereas people that think they don't want this often invest in career and things, not realising that these indeed will not make you happy, and find that out too late! At the end of the day, its about the caring, sharing and giving that rewards in the relationships whether the people involved are genetically related or not!
@@krustycreme1093fyi, people who choose not to have children don't just invest in careers and objects. you do realize they have family and friends too??? and AREN'T lonely? kids are not an antidote to loneliness. there are hundreds of thousands of people who don't want kids who aren't lonely and die happy. its incredibly ignorant to think that kids cure loneliness and people who choose not to have them "find out too late" which is almost never the case. clearly you've never visited the regretfulparents forum or the childfree forum. childfree ones even in their last few years are always happy. likewise, parents can be miserable and lonely. further proving children are not the antidote to a happy life and not being lonely unless you WANT them.
@@RachelJane101 Nursing homes are not representative of the majority of humanity. In my culture you take care of grandma and grandpa until they die. You take turns wiping their asses and feeding them. We don't put our elders in homes. That's the same with the rest of the world.
No you can because your a woman, im an autistic guy and i cant get a gf even though ive wanted one more than anything on the planet for 45 years and i still cant get one ! im jelous and i have to admit i resent women for having a loving partner as a choice, for men we need a looong list of stuff and one of the things on that list is to not be autistic, but unfortunatly i am.
because you didnt try the feeling of being a parent it's true its not easy it have it ups and downs like everything but blv me it's really really special i dont think if you hade kids and they tell you would you want to go back in time and not have any , for me i think no one would say yes the price of hearing the word :Mom i love you or dad i love you is really amazing it warms the heart
when your 80 yrs old you will feel lonely without grandkids around you. Think about that. Every bodies basic biological urge is to see their grandkids one day and know they passed their genes on a couple generations.
The ONLY reason people should have kids is if they are truly capable of raising good humans for the generations to come. That’s literally it. A BAD reason to have children is fear of loneliness.
@@Boostmeister69 What a douche comment, stereotyping millions of people like an ass. Exactly who you are is coming through loud and clear for all to see. I actually hope you are just trolling.
I don’t have children, because I can’t have them, but I have very close family and friends which I’m grateful that I can provide for them and vis-à-vis. I actually do feel blessed that I don’t and know that I can contribute my time to others and other passions of mine.
@@noyourewrong599 No really, pretending that you can "choose" your family via friends is the ultimate cope. A good friend is better than a piece of shit family member, but a good family member can not be compared to any kind of friend.
I have an aunt who is 76 very independent and never wanted a husband or kids. Now she’s super lonely and I can tell she wishes she had someone. She says I hope in my next life I’ll have a partner. She only has me to depend on it’s sad. She’s got tons of friends but they are busy with their grandkids.
1*Get a partner whose life goals are the same as you. 2*make friends with people who do not have kids either. Funnily enough, I have many friends who ,like me, did not choose to have kids even though we met in our 20s. Basically, many creative women or people who think outside the box make that choice. So you grow old and surround yourself with such people. Or with those whose kids are gone. Not a big deal. Loneliness is a choice you made by not nurturing the right relationships.
@@valfanclubthank you. Being partnerless is not my first choice, but I won’t be with someone out of fear. The lonliness is killing me, but I can’t be false.
@@kelebekw8191 I get you. Don't give up. I married at 56. We don't live together , and it's great. After all that time being self reliant, it is nice to keep one's independance. It works for us.
@@valfanclub Appreciate your response. I will say at some point loneliness is not a choice. She has single friends too and all feel the same way. My aunt has a better social life than I do but is missing something that she didn’t realize would be important to her. It’s different when you grow old and you turn around and you have no one even though your life is full of people. My parents who have been together for 40 years are not lonely they have each other no matter what and the difference of my aunt and my parents life is stark. I’m glad you found found what works for you.
@@raspberrykissable I have never felt emotionally lonely in my life, so hard to imagine. I have felt intellectually isolated though, which is quite hard but that's what the internet can do for us. Wishing you the best.
Not long after this interview, she fell pregnant and lost her first pregnancy as a consequence of waiting till such an age (almost 40) where miscarriage is very common...
But ppl arent likely to live till 90. Ppl tend to live until 77 on average. Subtract 63 years of a career, and she only has to worry about 14 years of retirement alone or with her significant other. Doesnt sound so crazy when you dont emotionally manipulate things lol
I’m also 38 …. Been married 14+ years & we were blessed with 4 children!! I couldn’t imagine only having a career at this age. The memories I’ve made with my family alone are worth so much more then any accolades I’ve ever received while working!!
A retirement-ready steel mill mechanic once cautioned me against working tons of overtime. He said, "when you're old & you look back on your life, none of your happy memories are gonna be here. They are going to be with your friends & family at home."
Wow. Well happy moments are all around me, always and every day. Not as memories, but as experiences. What is the most important moment of your life, a wise person once asked me, and I was fumbling in my past to identify a crucial moment, which I mentioned. He just said: Right now, THAT's the most important moment of your life. Same goes for happiness. It should be with you , always, as much as possible.
@@Chris-es3wf which was?...oh I see ..well I missed the point Indeed because the idea that happiness is only at home with friends and family when older is very restrictive.
Very true which is why your wife or girlfriend needs to understand money and discipline. you cannot commit until you are certain they are component with finances.
Being without children does not make you lonely. If you absolutely need a bestie there are so many broken and fractured families, there are always ways to find a new partner and new friendships.
I knew I couldn't do both in tandem so I chose kids first and now I'm 46 and finally chasing my dream career. I don't regret my decision because my children are my joy.
That is not what Peterson is saying. He is saying that investing in a family now is far more valuable than any career goals. People have families and die lonely most often because they had families but failed to cultivate them, invest time with and build those relationships. Relationships are the most important thing in life, next to knowing God. One's own selfish goals are not all that important in the big scheme of things. Often, one's own selfish dreams end up sacrificing quality time with others.
Some people just don't want kids. Some people don't LIKE kids. Those people should not be shamed into having kids. Bad for the kids, bad for them, and bad for society.
Some people are happy being by themselves, I rather be by myself than rush and be with the wrong person and if I don't find the right person I'm perfectly comfortable being by myself
No you can because your a woman, im an autistic guy and i cant get a gf even though ive wanted one more than anything on the planet for 45 years and i still cant get one ! im jelous and i have to admit i resent women for having a loving partner as a choice, for men we need a looong list of stuff and one of the things on that list is to not be autistic, but unfortunatly i am.
@@caddieohm7059If you think that was passive aggressive, you haven't listened to Jordan Peterson with an opened mind. And if you really watch all content on him, you'd learn that he's such a kind soul.
@@ProYada You have shown us your cognitive dissonance. It must be tiring holding your fingers to your ears while chanting, "NahNahNaw"!!! Maybe if you took the time to listen to others, mabye you wouldn't sound so ignorant!
Finding a good partner is the first step. But to have a kid so you don't feel lonely seems kinda of desperate. You're hoping and risking that the marriage and the children turn out as expected.😊
I mean, thats not a fair way of looking at it. Consiquences can be very apparent. If my legs stuck in a hydraulic press and theres another guy at the control room, you bet your ass im going to make sure he presses the off button. Might not yell at first, the presses are slow, but as it gets closer to takeing my leg, im going to get more and more animated. Having no family and nothing real to live for is crushing for a lot of people and very few who think they can hack it end up happy. Most are miserable. Its a slow burning problem, but one you really should solve. Theres nothing wrong about wanting a family to avoid being lonely as much as wanting food to not be hungry. Every single person before you had kids and were compelled to do so. We're biologically wired for it. Any bloodline that isn't wired for it dies out immediately. The genetic triggers are very strong. And your brain will likely make you feel crushing pain and sadness if it feels this requirement is going unfulfilled. Theres no pain while you're still desirable and fertile, but once that starts to fade, every biological warning light goes off and its almost impossible to ignore. Every single person before you since the beginning of time couldn't resist it. Its very presumptuous to assume you'll be one of the few exceptions.
@arcticghost1393 I'm 40 years old, and every day, I pinch myself that I did not allow myself to get pregnant. I'm so happy and feel amazing! Also, sometimes circumstances in life don't allow you to get pregnant wrong timing, lack of a partner, etc. I know a few women who don't have children but life partners and are very happy!
@@PharmacyTechLabs it may be possible you are one of the few deviants from your biology, but saying you know many women personally who feel the same way doesn't align with the numbers. Statistically the odds of your story are very slim and I'd wager there's either some liars who are convincing themselves they made the right choice with varying degrees of success, or women who haven't felt the consequence at full force yet. Perhaps their support network at work still provides enough fulfillment, but that will not last. To put this in Shakespearian terms, me thinks thou doth protest too much. I don't believe someone who is truly happy and content would feel any need whatsoever to tell everyone how happy they are. Are you trying to convince me or yourself? Again, you may be one of the few, but the chances of that are not great. This group you speak of will certainly have regrets within it, and you can't ignore biology. Every single human leading up to you and all your friends felt the need to have a family. The instinct to keep the bloodline going is very strong.
@@AaronCMounts I'm really more focused on education and building wealth. I don't think the probability is extremely low. I think there are many variables involved that make it very hard regardless of effort
We have familys gathering with our grandmas who lives with my sister every Hollydays . She have 5 children and 16 grandchilds and 2 grtgrand children. she said "seeing us all grow is the happiest thing for her ,i can see prides and happiness in her eyes saying those words while starring at us . Shes never have acareer in her life just being mother . Great woman with huge achivement . #she dont have houses , branded clothes , jewlery or much money . But she said "she might never always got what she wanted but she always have all she needs in her life"
That sounds like my grandma too!! Except, looking back, they had no other options than to marry and have kids, did they... 😅 Women couldn't even have their own credit cards until somewhere in 1970 (in the US, not sure elsewhere...could be later lol). Women could only study to become a nurse in her day (in my country, I'm not from the US). My grandma is the master of appreciating what she has, vs what she wanted... However, she was a good mother and thanks to her, so were her kids... If you can raise a happy and stable family... Yeah, that's very rewarding. But sadly, it's rare. And having kids just to avoid loneliness is not the best strategy 😅 better to work on your own issues like lack of purpose before having kids. Also, the same goes for relationships...never get into a relationship just because you don't want to be lonely...
Like she would say anything different? If she had any other ambition in life she sacrificed for family, she wouldn't mention it. Women back in the day stayed quiet about things
The hours I spent working through my life is now affording me a fairly excellent retirement. It also afforded me some fairly excellent experiences during my younger years. And now, they are fond memories. I understand the potential loneliness when there are no children, but some people lose their children and then their spouses, and the end result is the same. So, either way, however we end up, no one's life should be dismissed as somehow 'less than' for lack of family. The world needs more compassion. So form new bonds and create your own family of friends.
It’s completely up to you. If you feel happy with what you have then that’s fantastic because everyone has their own feelings and has to guide their own journey
Problem is, you never know if you will be happy with your situation in 15 or 20 years. You are making a very big assumption that just because you are happy with your situation in your 30s you will be happy with the same situation in you 60s. What people fail to take into account is that our mindset and priorities change as we grow older. We don't think the same as when we were 10 or 15 or 20 and we won't think the same when we are in our 50s or 60s. And lots of people discovered that this "successful career" bs that has been sold to us, doesn't mean much when you wake up alone and your bones start hurting.
Yes But know the options and their argument before you choose them. Thats what peterson did, he didnt twll her what to do, he just presented the other side's view and argument
@@Kraska93 fcking hell shut the f up about this whole career thing. Most people just don't want to spend their life sacrificing for someone else. Get it through your thick skull you mongrel.
@@TheDolphace That's because they never grew up of their "me me me" mindset that our hyper individualistic shoves down our throats. That's a problem that's very prevalent in the western world. They don't really regret their children, they regret the "things they didn't get to do" because in their minds, they are still the center of the universe. I'm saying, it's mainly a western problem because the rest of the world still holds traditional family values and people are taught that value comes from a family which generally implies having children.
@@natebaxter9551lol beat me to it. Just proved he was right because she was so thankful and grateful before that she didn’t have kids but the prospect of life alone is frightening
I work in aged care, no food, activity or even better room can make them happy. Only time they are happy and smiley is when they know their children is coming to visit them.
Having kids is a gift I wake up every morning happy knowing my sons are with me , the way she said I’m lucky not having to deal with kids ! Best feeling in the world being a parent I love it 🥰
@@robharwood-stamper9857 its your responsibility to teach them since you raise them. In this clip he doesnt refer to your parents he refers to the family you build, thats your responsibility on how you build it
Barf. If you knew HALF of the families I've seen as a 30 year teaching veteran, you'd become a f*cking hermit. STOP TELLING PEOPLE HOW TO LIVE THEIR F*CKING LIVES, YOU XTIAN DEATH CULT FREAKS.
You feel blessed because you only choose to see the hard challenges of having a family as a father I can say there is no greater feeling than coming home to your family and your kids are overjoyed to see you home safe ❤
@@the_gravy_joneswhy is it so hard to believe that some people genuinely don’t want children? I have an aunt and uncle married for 35+ years, never had kids, traveled the world, spent time with their family. And our family will be with them until the end. Kids are not the end all be all.
@@NotSoEntertaining.Did they actively choose to not have children or was it the result of infertility or such? You can have a happy life and still have regrets - especially if it was something you COULD have had and chose not to.
I guess having a family can bring a sense of purpose to one’s life. I have a family too. But there are no guarantees that the family won’t bring more headaches and heartaches to your life.
The oppsite in fact - ita guaranteed it will be hard work, self sacrafice and at times hearbreak. But its worth it. The people who talk about being "happy" without kids dont understand that happiness is the indirect result of having kids, not the direct result. Its through the sacrafice and hard work that you gain the happyness in family and that is a whole lot less transient than happiness that comes at no cost. We took our kids to the fair and i can genuinly say i was happier watching my children enjoy themselves than i have ever been personally. And thats not for want of happy moments in my life, its just that it hits different when its the joy of your own child.
@@kaitlinjohn3625 I agree with most of your points. No one understands the true meaning of love until they have children. It is only after you are willing to put someone else’s needs first and to sacrifice for the child that then you understand what real love can be. However, not every parent and not every child fits that description. There are so many variables.
@@lilianbirt7235 that's true - I guess I should have mentioned that that self sacrifice leading to deeper happiness can be found outside of a family too, people with vocations who dedicate themselves to something other than themselves. Volunteers or people who selflessly pursue the furthering of knowledge, science etc. Nurses, drs, many people can find great meaning and happiness through their sacrifice in their life so it's true that it's not specific just to families. Also, I think your making the point that just having a family doesn't guarantee you will experience it and that's true as well. It needs to be done well and with luck/grace of God that you have mentally healthy members of the family that don't make it a living hell.
Although i too also agree with the points you 2 have made here ...the only one i dont agree with is the statement that you dont know love til you have a child and i know quite a few people that never had children or even got married that are living their best life in their 60s and 70s are not lonely at all ...its all in your choices ...the relationships that you make and maintain in the journey of life are what counts he said it all when he said "developing a very close-knit intimate community around you" to me that can include anybody ...people without children dont love people any less than people with children.
Yeah, I like that he mentioned "developing a very close-knit intimate community around you" because that doesn't necessarily mean that has to be traditional "family" in the sense of husband-wife-children, it can be different for different people. I love being a Mom but recognize that ir isn't for everyone.
Your parents and grandparents are likely not going to be very good company when you're 70 and living in a nursing home. Your siblings might come visit you every now and then, sure, but you probably won't be happy about not having children of your own when you see other people's children and grand children come visit them.
@@OtiumBorealissee this argument just floors me everytime I hear it. Go to any nursing home, anyone Talk to someone who's worked in those places cheap to luxury cost. The amount of people who have kids, grandkids, great grandkids even great great grandkids. Making a family of 40 plus direct descendants no extended relatives. Only get visited in the nursing home 3 maybe 4 times a year is the norm. Even for close familys. You are better off finding life long friend/friendships. Who you can make plans to move to a nursing home together or home to live together over... Banking on your kids and grandkids or great grandkids being there to keep, you, from being lonely in your twilight years. Especially if you're in a Western culture it just is, how it is. You might get lucky (see them more than 20times a year) but most aren't less than 4 times a year is normal visiting.
@@OtiumBorealisshorter point Those who choose not to have kids are far less hurt by seeing other kids and grandkids visit Than those who did have kids and their kids just don't bother to see them. Ever/barely
@@restinwalkenexactly. I witnessed my own grandmother and mother passed away because of broken heart being away from some of their children. My unmarried, childless Aunties on the other hand are happily living their lives in their 70ies. This coming from third world country. My Aunties saved money to hire nurses who will take care of them, so they just live their lives without headaches. I know Jordan wants his 'proper' lives to be transformed in other people's life. However, most people just want a loving lives. If they couldn't achieve that, they better be left alone than dealing with headaches from other people. I myself have 2 children and that's more than enough for me as a single father.
@@Miaphysite3 yeah u r right .these silly people don't understand that children are just a waste product of some fun which a couple does . They are not anything more than a burden ....
people have kids for different reasons, but the experience of parenthood is transforamtive to a point that all these "reason" fly away. Unless you have a serous personality disorder that love hits you very hard.
A good conversation between two adults. He was very respectful of her career and then gave reason to why family is important to him, and did not tell her that she is wrong.
i would say that you can't tell other people what makes them happy. happiness is so deeply personal. there are so many people who have families just to resent their children for the life they never had. only people who want a family should have one.
Yes you can. Especially if you've studied the experience of thousands of people, you definitely can lol Keep your pre chewed formulaic sentences for yourself
@@TheOneAndOnlySameKids might be the "most virtuos" pursuit you can have but I think what he said has merit as well. Not everyone should have kids. Some people make terrible parents and then raise children who are basically born into a hopeless life due to their terrible upbringing. Some people only instill the rage inside themselves into their children who only ever know rage. That's how you get tragic adults or people who don't even make it to adulthood.
Thats good in theory. How many women can work themselves to death like a man? How many will actually have yhe job that makes the kind of money? If you dont want family....do you. But with modern tech and current cultural issues have women raising children by themselves. Periid point blank this is not good. Stats say so.
I know several old ladies who never had children and live very fulfilling, happy lives without loneliness. Plenty of old people had children but live unhappy and lonely lives now. I don't think quality of life depends on having children or not, it's what you do with your time.
You can throw down anecdotes if you like, I'll throw down the anecdotal point that I've known many, many grandmothers who live happy and secure lives with their family behind them. The point is that there is tremendous value in family as you age. Your career only means so much.
Family looks different for everyone, I believe you need family! But doesn’t have to mean one with kids, or with a partner or partners. Sometimes it’s just you and your closest friends, texted with time
What guarantees do you have that your "closest friends" that they won't have a family or somethings else that would make them move on with their lives. What happens in 10, 20, 30, 40 years from now?
@@yours2313what guarantes that a child in 20 tears will not leave and never look back or even worse stay but abuse you, take your property and kick you out?
Yep and it strikes when no one is around!! Leaves no witnesses…. A lot of women are like this men can just admit it, but women choose more often to lie and pretend in front of other. You can’t some ppl, but you can never fool yourself
Oh, I totally agree. I am very close to my family, neices, nephews, cousins... I'll always have people around me who love me. Even when I'm old and childless, I'll have family to visit.
@@AnnieLeslie Any cousins will be in a nursing home, dealing with their own life. Any nieces and nephews will have their own life to live and family to look after. If they have time to look after anyone it's going to their own parents, not you. Any friends you have will either be dead or in a nursing home too.
@any6108 We had a great aunt who only had one kid, and he was awful. So we treated her like a second Nan. She cared about us, and we cared about her. She came to all of our birthdays. We were closer to her than her own grandkids.
@@AnnieLeslie my best friends didn't call me nor check up on me once they finished school and got married. I don't blame them I myself went my own way you just separate that's life. So thinking your friends will be always around is just childish. How old are you 14?
It seems as though Jordan's comments affected her. Unfortunately she had a stillbirth with her first pregnancy. But I think this year she had a baby boy. She's 42 now.
What people don’t understand is you make your own family. We don’t have to live isolated in family units with out trusting others. Loneliness is highly curable. the human ego just feels like it needs a mini me or a legacy or something.
Im 35, 15 days ago my daughter was born. 16 days ago I always thought "Eh, it's just a kid". But that first moment when you hold your child in your arms, that moment when they cry and you tell them "Its gonna be alright" and they stop crying they know your voice... You feel something special, you feel love like you have never experienced in your life before. It's something that can't be explained with words, but something that can be felt. Children are blessing and honestly without them only now at 35 I realize how hollow and empty my life would be. So I thank God for blessing me with a child.
There is a thing called "gift of singleness". But very few have it. Most folks, want a connection with someone who knows them & likes them, on a deep level.
There's simply no credence given to the alternative to marriage and children - a life free of burden and responsibilities, waking up to do whatever the hell you want every single day.
I don't see what evidence you have to claim that you know that "very few people" have this "gift." The Bible says it's better to remain single and devote more of yourself to God, but if you want to get married or you are unable to overcome the desire for some of the things that come with marriage (like sexual desires), then it's better to marry than to burn with lust. But nowhere does it say that singleness is some kind of "gift" that very few people are given.
@@CassTeaElleI think what OP is trying to say is that few people who are single are truly happy, most would prefer to have intimate relationships. If you're a person who longs for intimacy then being single is a curse but for some lucky people being single is a "gift".
@@CassTeaElle the evidence is an entire world were most people seek relationships that lead to families. I am looking at the entire population across cultures in all countries. If you need a Bible verse - this one: 1 Cor 7:7/8 Paul calls it a gift, and the phrase "the gift of singleness" is well known in the church. Maybe not yours- but I'm 58 and have heard it since childhood. Times are changing now- the numbers are larger for the singles now - but that doesn't mean all of them wish to be single. A few them are absolutely happy to live alone. But the majority - are seeking something more.
like the divorce, the cheating, the financial stress, the losing of custody of kids, the ex that hates you and poisons a lot of the family against you, the alimony you get to pay the person who despises you. You mean like those things that happen to the majority of marriages.
@@AaronCMounts when I was 8 years old, I used to volunteer at a retirement home and I can say very few of the people in there that did have kids had visitors. I think what you don’t understand is that in your last hours- Those are for you alone and something you must do alone. Everyone does alone. So no, I’m not afraid to die alone. And i do think my friends will come to my funeral. I have friends all over the world and I have had the most full life. So yes, I think my team mates and travel friends and lovers will come. I don’t need children to fill some imaginary void.
You put in the work and try to be the best parent that you can be and hope that the kids you've raised and took care of will one day turn around take care of you
Me. Father of two. 18 and 12. Overachievers, both. I had a fantastic 2.5 hour nap this past Saturday. Had a beautiful, love-filled Sunday with my family. I wish you joy!
I had my first child at 30 and I feel blessed to have got to do so many things and also have so much freedom while I was young and now start to grow my family.
This is so true. Our relationships and specifically the family we have is one of the few lasting legacies/ marks on this world we leave which show we existed and did something. I just got married and my wife is now pregnant. Very excited to grow a family and move forward in life as our first child is born.
People with a fear of being alone face another set of problems. They have family around, but may also suffer from the very real disease of codependency.
@@ThePointlessBox_ I can confirm , my sister brothers having "real" life :) .. and they seem to grow as a person due children and responsibility,. maybe I start orphanage in zombie apocalypse and do more good to others then my sorry existence would have meaning.
I just watched my son walk into the indigenous games and couldn’t hold back the tears. That kind of pride in someone else builds something in you that I feel sad for people who will never experience that feeling
There really is nothing more that fulfills me more than the thought of knowing I was the matriarch of my family who held my family together and left this world better after I left it like my great grandmother. Very true what he says, as you get older you realize how important family is and you realize your the next ancestor in line to protect and nurture the future generation
The other side of the coin is that you have to realize that if you are with the wrong person you will struggle with more loneliness than a relationship than if you were single.
@@KevinJohnson-ng6lj If you think it's cope, go ask men who have been dragged through horrible divorces and stiped down from everything they worked for, or women who had to grab the kids, pack up and leave, or leave with nothing but the shirt on their back to escape an abusive relationship. The wrong kind of person can ruin your life and that of your kids and lead you to an early grave.
Careers are great and everything but slaving away your whole life to reach the top of some corporate hierarchy is a fleeting achievement at best. Then you retire one day, they sing “he’s a jolly good fellow,” and the company moves on without you. Your entire social network was dependent on work and now that collapses. What deep and meaningful connections did you really build? I’m not sure how anyone became convinced that sacrificing a family for a career is a great trade off.
Life is a complex tapestry of experiences, choices, and circumstances, many of which are beyond our control. The beauty lies in navigating these intricacies with grace, understanding, and resilience. Empathy towards others' journeys can make the world a kinder place for everyone.
It's a subjective outlook on life. I've seen a lot of people in miserable marriages who just go through the motions and have kids. On the flipside, I know people who love their children and have an amazing life and relationship with their spouse. On the other end of the spectrum I know a child-free couple (by choice) who emanate vitality and a strong bond with each other. They have nieces and nephews who they spoil, but ultimately they choose to spend their time with each other instead of raising little ones. If that ever changes for them, I'm sure they'd be open to adoption - and more people should be, there are so many neglected children out there in need of a home.
As a friend of mine said, who now has a short time to live, "relationships are all you have in the end." Can't take the toys with you....or the diplomas or awards.
I'm far from lonely. I have learned to really appreciate and love myself, and enjoy my own company more than the company of other people. I do not regret not having kids. I don't have a lot of close family. I don't plan on ever being 'lonely'. Loneliness is for people who are insecure and need other people to give them value.
