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I'm from the southern United States. One of the ways we pay our respects is with FOOD! We send flowers or wreaths to where the funeral is being held. There will also be a guestbook that you shouldn't forget to sign. But after the funeral, we go to the bereaved family's home and we have a big meal. Everybody cooks something and brings it to the feast and we all eat together. Weeks after the funeral we still continue to cook food and bring it to the bereaved family. Sometimes we might stay to chat a bit, but mainly we just drop the food off to the family and leave.
I'm in Canada and we do the same here for both events. Except for funerals, many families ask that instead of giving money/flowers to the bereaved, we give donations to specific organizations. But the weddings get pretty costly for us too. We also have baby showers, bridal showers, baby baptisms, engagement parties, baby reveal parties and many more events where cash and gifts are expected. Like the gentleman said, when you have multiple friends & family members, it adds up quickly.
Any Korean watching? Please do not loose this precious tradition cause this is a gesture of empathy in world where we grow more unsympathetic towards one and another. Please keep giving. It is something that unite us❤
Well said, I support that. This way we support people in great need, when a feeder of family dies, or when young couple tries to start new life together. Both events are connected with enormous costs. Let's keep helping each others! Not just in South Korea, of course...
In Italy we never give money for a funeral. We send the wreaths to the funeral location. Some families give the indication "not flowers, but good works", that is, a donation to charity to honor the memory of the deceased. Sometimes the charity is specifically indicated. For weddings, however, the money envelope is only used in some places in the South. Usually the bride and groom go to a shop and fill out the "wedding list" with all the objects they want; there are objects of all prices to meet families with little money, from silver cutlery to the clock in the kitchen.
In Poland, we do give money at the weddings. Not at the funerals though (though it's a very nice tradition, personally I wouldn't mind it). BUT... Nobody is expecting a certain amount of money. Everyone can give as much as they can afford and won't be judged for that. The only people who are kind of expected to give slightly more, are godparents in Catholic families. But that's about that 😊.
In my country, for funerals, the guests will come to help them (cooking for them, pray with them, lift the coffin) instead of giving money. As for weddings, the guests usually bring a gift or give money but it is not mandatory. Also, you can come to wedding without a gift/give a money but please make sure to meet the groom&bride, take picture and give thanks to them.
I'm an Indian Malaysian and we also have this tradition in our funeral and wedding. We just gave the amount we can... Doing a wedding is expensive, so we have "moi" tradition. For funerals, after the 15th day, there's a culture relatives can bring food, or u want to give money as ur condolences can also be. We just give the amount we can.
From my country-we also give cash money as a form of "help" to the bereaved and/or flowers.But its not obligatory. In weddings only the principal sponsors give big amounts and/or gifts. Other guest are not required-but a simple gift means alot. Nobody should really feel burdened. Different countries- Different traditions
I’m African-American. I’m from the south. My family (and close friends) has always given condolence money for funerals/deaths. However, there doesn’t seem to be pressure to give a certain amount. People give according to what they have.
In our hometown in Philippines we joined a community group, leader will collect compulsory same amount donation from members for sick and funeral that will lessen up the expense burden and can add voluntary if we are closer relative or friend. For weddings have invitation need RSVP, can give in kind or registered items wish from the couple or money, nowadays more give money. Even in barrios no more gatecrushers, need to be invited in the weddings
My first visit to see my relatives in Korea, I got a bunch of cash + necklace. And, I ended up spending 10x the amount when my cousins visited years later and I was the tour guide. (net loser on the deal, lol) I can see how it can get excessive though. Weddings aren't like US weddings. Average people weddings are like fast food. It's in a wedding hall. It lasts maybe 15-20 minutes. And, then you eat at the same wedding hall WITH OTHER WEDDING PARTIES.
The high marriages costs shouldn’t be on the expense of the guests. Gifts and money should be optional based on the guests capabilities. For funerals I still can understand since the people grieving and sad it is good you help with money as you don’t want them to be grieving and worrying about funeral costs.
Oh yeah, forgot about my friend's wedding. We all lived in California, but the wedding was in Maui, Hawaii. lol, we had to spend a lot of money to get there AND give a gift.
Yes ! Destination weddings have become very popular lately. A friend of mine decided to do hers on a European cruise, and asked 5K$ per person with the rsvp just for the cruise, and we had to buy our own plane tickets & lodging before & after the cruise... Totally ridiculous in my opinion. We would need to take time off work or forcely take our vacation days for that wedding. People are exaggerating nowadays. The idea of a wedding which is to celebrate a union has completely been replaced with money making events. It's unfortunate.
In general, there is no pressure to even attend funerals or weddings in the US. There is an expectation to give a gift (of some type) if you decide to attend a wedding. There is no set amount or amount to spend on a gift for a wedding. Most people will give a gift or money if they attend a wedding but there is no pressure on giving or the amount. There is no expectations to give money if you attend a funeral. Most people go to funerals and don't give (or think of giving) anything to the deceased family, not even a card. Some people will donate to a charity if the deceased family ask for that in lieu of flowers. They donate what amount they want to give. People give to the deceased family "out of the goodness of their hearts", not because there is social pressure/expectation to do so. If they give, its not done at the funeral. There is a new trend among people's families (when most young people don't have life insurance) to do "Go Fund Me" to raise money to pay for funeral costs. Again, even in this case, people don't feel pressured to donate. We just don't have this pressure in the US. Any giving is strictly a personal choice and voluntary.
It is not just a Korean thing as other oriental cultures do it too. We always give cash gifts for weddings and funerals. However, my family never accepted cash at our funerals so many ended up giving flowers wreaths instead. At weddings, we have to give a specific amount based on the number of guests we bring.
We have same culture for giving cash at funerals and on weddings, but it's not obligatory. On weddings a gift is obligatory (additional cash is not), while on funerals nothing is obligatory, but people like to give cash to help family of deceased with costs of funeral or to ease their financial shock after. If a family gets cash at funeral from someone it is usually expected that as soon as someone dies in family of cash giver, you have to give them at minimum the same amount that you recieved, or more. The one who hast to "return" this mobey is the one who recieved it in his/her hands, not whole family or any family member. Because cash given this way is a personal gift not to whole family that lost a member, but to a particular member of that family (it could be wife or one of the children). It's good to write down who donated and what sum, because tradition of cash giving at funerals (or weddings) is based - at least in my country - on reciprocity. However, in my country people give cash in accordance to their financial situation - some nothing, others a little something, while some people contribute substantial amounts. There is no unwritten rule how much you have to give, the only unwritten rule is above already mentioned obligation to return the same amount (or more) next time when someone dies in donator's family. Instead of flowers, candles or personal donation to family member of the deceased, some families ask for donations for organisations. It is up to anyone will they donate, or not.
If someone gets married I spend at least $100 on their gift or chase here in the US. We don’t have the money giving for funerals here but if it’s a relative (Japanese) I do give money
I just went to a Korean wedding this past weekend. My friend was getting married and he told me that he was against the idea of people giving money but had to do it since the parents insisted on it. He refused any money given by my friend and I since we were special guests.
We not only give cash for weddings and funerals. We also give cash on New Year's Day for the younger generations when they bow to the older generations to pay respects. We spent over $1,000 for our kids, nephews and nieces.
It’s not just a Korean and Japanese culture, it’s an Asian culture, especially East Asian and South East Asian. The Chinese do this too and yeah.., we, Malaysian Chinese are feeling the pinch as well.
In my family, we also give cash money, and food to the bereaved. People don't have any energy left to cook. For weddings, more and more brides and grooms make a list and we also give some money...
I don't like the money giving culture in Korea. I think it becomes too much of a burden for people who attend such events and often it can feel as if the only reason you are invited is so that you can pay money to cover the cost of the event. In my opinion if you cannot afford to pay for your wedding without money received from guests then have a smaller wedding you CAN afford. As for funerals, were all going to die, so older people should be putting money aside to pay for their funerals, that is what a lot of people in the west do, so they don't burden their families with the cost. These kind of old traditions are getting too out of hand and I think they are often abused. Just like tipping culture in Korea, it should not exist.
They don't tip, there is no sales tax, healthcare is affordable, and the income tax rate starts at like 10%. Most don't even tithe the first 10% of their income to God. They can afford to give at least 100,000₩ to attend these events.
I believe you should only give what you can afford!! Especially if the family has no financial burdens and you do!!! Oh please… I’m sure the deceased would totally understand!! Just give what you can… or not at all. The thought should be that you came to pay respect to the deceased and family!! You just have to change YOUR MINDSET… HAVING NO SHAME… STOP IT ALREADY!!!!!!!!!
If you are a student or a singel mom you should be able to give less and everyone has to understand the reason of why. Life ain't easy anywhere not even here where we stand for the cost of furunal as a wedding gift you can have that you want money if you have lived together a loong time and have already a home full of stuff.
I understand that it can be a burden especially in these times. However..DO NOT LOOSE YOUR TRADITIONS!! Are they burdened because of necessity or material wants?! Honest Question ☺️
