Let's Talk About Toxic Minimalism & How It's Okay To Have Stuff 

Thank you. I happen to have a doctorate in psychology but I am here because my mom was a hoarder and untidiness makes me anxious. I have noticed over recent years the competitiveness of the minimalist community, especially around capsule wardrobes, counters, kitchen items, and seasonal decor. The remedy to "too much stuff" isn't minimalism. It's intentionality and mindfulness.

Something else that I haven’t really heard addressed in the minimalism content I’ve watched/read is dealing with the belongings of a parent when they pass away. I had a lot of my mom’s things stored in my house for a while. We didn’t have the time and mental space to really go through things at the time, and it took me years to get to the point of being able to let go of some of my mom’s things. Yes, I understood that those things were not her, and that letting go of her things didn’t mean letting go of the memories. That being said, there were a lot of other very difficult things going on around the time following her passing, and I just couldn’t face such an emotionally heavy task until later. It was completely OK for me to keep my mom’s lipstick and perfume in my bathroom cabinet until I was ready to let it go. I think it would be helpful for this issue to be addressed in a compassionate way in some of the organizing/decluttering content. I feel like people who are grieving need to know that it’s OK to let someone’s things go, but it’s OK to wait *until* you’re ready to let it go too.

I follow a minimalism subreddit and it's quite gatekeepy. I always laugh when someone proudly announces they got rid of all their furniture and sit and sleep on the floor. You do you boo.

Yes! I think I felt this toxicity some years ago, too. Millburn & Nicodemus derived minimalism reminds me of a narrow college boy’s view of how to live. It’s too ruthless, and undermines the value of objects for different people with different and changing needs, tastes, lifestyles, memories, wealth. I think the wisdom that you have as an organizer is minimalism as it should be ~ all grown up and flexible for the needs of all. And putting the fun back in! Thank you so much for speaking on this! 💐💛

My age is 70 and my parent threw little away, because everything is useful. My mom was neat and organized and knew where everything was. My dad liked to see his stuff. It wasn't until I found you tube about 4 years ago and I watched the Minimalist Ted Talk and found it entertaining but not practical for me as a parent of 5 adult married children and 15 grandchildren and they like to come to Gramma and Grampa's house. but I found your channel and several other decluttering channels and realized I could live a less stressful life with less stuff. Drawers and closets and cabinets don't have to be jam packed full.I am not responsible to have any little thing that a family member may need for a school project or costume. I can run the dishwasher when it's not full, I can wash a small load of laundry. I had been so conditioned to not waste anything that my life was hard for no reason. I do notice there are negative comments on most every you tube video. I can't imagine the stress those people must live with. I enjoy your channel, especially when you cook. and your voice is so soothing and love your laugh

Thank you for pointing out that pure minimalism is a classist idea. I heard one declutter guru say to purge and if you need the item later, go buy another one and consider the cost of the new item as paying the store rent for storing the item for you! I can’t afford to pay rent to store my backup products! 😕

slight tw: depression i found minimalism when i was at my most depressed, so i got rid of so many thing that i regret because i felt nothing towards more than half of my sentimental items throughout my life. but this was "supposed" to make my life easier, but instead it made my life emptier.

We need more compassion in this world. Thank you Kay for sharing yours with us.

I love how your kindness shines through here when you talk about how people have different needs and may have things going on that we don't know about. You touched on one thing I've never been able to buy into with minimalists: that objects are just objects. Objects can be very powerful.I have things that evoke memories when I handle them. A picture wouldn't be the same. I have a little stuffed Eyore. It's maybe 4" tall.. Every time I see it I remember a trip to Disney with my husband and friends. It makes me happy to pick up the little Eyore. I keep it in my top desk drawer. A piece of jewelry from your grandmother or a plate that she always put cookies on when you came over to visit might do the same thing for you.

Sometimes I have to remind myself that just because I’m not always using something doesn’t necessarily mean I have to declutter it. An example - I have a pair of Vans sneakers that have the Disney Princesses on them. Even if I don’t wear them everyday doesn’t mean I don’t love them and need to declutter them. They spark joy when I see them and wear them. Same with my various Loungefly bags that I have been apparently collecting. 😅🥰✌🏻

Minimal mom is a really good channel that I feel grasps the core of minimalism. The messages you brought up in this video is talked about on her channel, but her approach/interpretation of them is very healthy. An example is that she says to remove items that you are not using to make room for the items that are important for you. She also recommends keeping your extra knifes and plates in case something brakes, but to pack them away in storage so they aren’t cluttering up your space in the meantime. I admit there are a lot of toxic channels out there, but rather than minimalism itself being toxic in its message, I feel those people misinterpret it and/or try to force their personal interpretation on others (for example, they might be extroverts so to them experiences are what’s important and they don’t understand the introvert’s pleasure of enjoying things alone at home). When they say “make room for the things that are important” you have to ask yourself what’s important to you and what you use the most, not look to others to see what’s important.

Two documentaries? A real minimalist would have just done with one ! ;)

I really told some people off for pushing someone to get rid of her DEAD mother's small purse which was stashed in her bottom drawer of her bedroom chest of drawers.. She said it makes her feel close to her beloved mother... A bunch of crazy Karens were making her feel like she was a hoarder...for ONE SMALL purse.

Yay, Kay! Thank you for making this video. When I began my decluttering and reorganizing process several years ago, I subscribed to several popular RU-vid channels that I have eventually unsubscribed to because of the minimalist attitude that was being projected. I have no desire to get rid of my seasonal decorations or my “one use” kitchen appliances. I have decluttered the decorations and avoided purchasing any more this past holiday season. I watch these videos to get inspired not to feel guilty of what I own. P.S. I’m also becoming a “plant lady” thanks to you!😏😏

I think you are spot on! I’ve loved watching RU-vid cleaning channels and they often take a minimalist or Kondo approach. (They usually end up acquiring a decluttering a couple of months later.). I finally realize the toxicity of it all, and I’ve stopped watching several of the channels. I love being a homebody, and I need things that other people might not. Thank you for speaking out on this. Your credentials as a professional organizer get credence to this. I live in the upper Midwest where winter is at least six months long. One minimalist that lives in a similar climate said you only need one winter coat. Are you serious? There’s a big difference between what I want to wear when it’s 40° outside with no wind blowing versus what I wear when it’s 2° outside with a 20 mph wind. And call me weird but I like from my hat and gloves to coordinate with the jacket I wear.

I could never be a minimalist, as I think that it would be a boring place to live. I have gotten rid of things over the years, but I love what I have kept. The thing is however a person wants to live, is that it is their home and not mine. We all get to live how we choose and what we can afford. I really like the compassion that you have for others and your kindness.

Scissors!!!! 😆 I have a pair in every room because I got sick of always hunting for Scissors!! Lol

Oh, Kay, thank you so much. Ever since the pandemic started I decided not to leave all my "junk" for my kids to handle, started trying to get "cleaned up." I'm 78, a devoted quilter, with enough fabric to last 2 lifetimes, but have been plagued with the idea that my tiny house must be perfect if I want to sew, and because of that I've been unable to do either one. I hear you say to me to not stress and already I feel better. There is no "rush" and if I would just start sewing again, the rest will take care of itself......

Ironically minimalism has become the new “keeping up with the Jones.”

You were the first person who taught me that clutter is about your relationship with your stuff rather than simply the amount of stuff you have. Your thoughtful, balanced approach to the topic is the reason I subscribed and still follow! I consider this video among your best expressions of your overall approach to organization. I also enjoyed your mini review of JVN's Skillshare class and your personal mantra. Kudos to stepping further into ownership of your worth and thank you, once again!!

So many of the "minimalists" I subscribe to have disowned that identity because of the nastiness in that community. Have the things you need. Be mindful of the things you bring into your home. Be smart about how to use those things. Be generous in how those things exit your life. When I identified that way, I focused less on how many of what I had and more on the negative impact of purchasing something - the packaging being plastic was a big stomach turner for me. The reality is, if I buy that pint of ice cream, the coated paper can't be recycled, that one item is NOTHING to corporate waste and pollution. But that anxiety was enough to stop me from introducing things into my home to the point where I used things to a broken point and kept trying to push them or stopped myself from enjoying things I loved because of how they come packaged.

You have the kindest vibe, yet discerning. What the world needs more of, keep being it :)

I think Dana K White said it best when she said that everyone has their own clutter threshold.. the amount of stuff they can comfortably manage... brilliant!!

Pre-social media era I followed someone who practiced extreme frugality in order to achieve a specific goal for her family. One day she closed down her newsletter and signed off because she achieved that goal and no longer felt like she had anything more to share, and I assume she lived happily ever after. It was a means, not an end in itself. The problem with making content about minimalism is that there’s only so many times you can show getting rid of stuff and not spending money/walking away from purchases. Once you’re minimalist and you’ve made room for “the things that are really important” your life is naturally going to shift to a different focus - a hobby, family time, religion or mission work perhaps - but that’s not how personal branding/social media works. I enjoy watching some more extreme minimalists just as a mental challenge, but I don’t necessarily relate (I’m a homebody, I craft for enjoyment and for charity, more cozy minimal-ish). But certain channels are very condescending and don’t seem to have any experience of different ways of life - you know who I’m talking about. I agree with so much of what you said.

I so appreciate your thoughts on this! A few years ago my husband and i I were to downsize from a 2600 sq Ft house to a 1500 sq ft house. My daughters helped me to clean out and declutter most of the house, and we had a huge garage sale. We backed out of moving and still live in our 2600 sq ft house. We changed our minds not because of the size of the house, but because we would be giving up so much more; we would be giving up what little social life we had, our way of life. I have repurchased some of the things I had previously decluttered: a food processor, rolling pin, sifter, casserole dish, a lamp. Although I could probably function just fine without them, they do make my life better! Thank you for being so open and honest with us ♥️

As someone whose grandmother was a hoarder before everyone knew what that meant, I am always worried if I am keeping too many things. But they don't get in my way and they don't keep me from doing what I need to around the house. It's all organized. All the points you hit were PERFECT.

Treating your things with respect. ❤ That’s the way I was raised in the 1950s. Waste not, Want not. Use things up. Take care of what you have. Pass things on. Don’t buy ‘stuff’ just to buy stuff. At age 70 I have displayed in my house my mint condition Lustreware children’s tea set that I received and played with as a 7 year old. I have the 1920s Parker Brothers Mahjong set in cherry wood and brass case, that the grandparents and parents and all of us kids played with. I have popular reproduction artwork that hung in my family’s home. We passed on and appreciated hand me downs and baby beds, and strollers, etc, and didn’t go out and buy the latest model of usable things that we already had. We exchanged beloved books and donated the rest. But nowadays I still have clutter/things that I no longer want or need. Thankfully I have nieces and nephews who can help me cull things, can ask me for things they like (I don’t always give them anything I want to keep!) and carry out boxes to be donated or arrange for things to be disposed of. “Things” can get overwhelming and often I don’t really notice “things” I no longer want or need because they become part of the background in my house. The Minimal and Decluttering Gurus help inspire me to look twice at my home (and life, self image and fantasy self) 😊and let go and move on and enjoy my life and possessions that reflect who I am now.

I believe any "movement" has the potential for extremes. I have had to clean a relative's house out more than a couple of times, the last time being when she passed. I decided then to not have my children go through this when I am gone. I found Dawn of The Minimal Mom, and love her approach. I have also been slowly applying Swedish Death Cleaning principles via Shannon Torrens. I donate things that I don't need, and that makes me feel like the items are given a new life, just not with me! I love helping people organize their spaces...not a professional by any means!

When I started studying minimalism in 2018, it was something I wanted to do to replace consumerism. I also started learning about sustainability & economics at the same time. I wanted to reduce my carbon foorprint starting in small ways - using handkerchiefs instead of facial tissue, fabric napkins instead of paper, and microfiber cloths instead of paper towels. I buy bigger containers of items (but not too big) in an effort to have less packaging to dispose of. I created a uniform/capsule wardrobe to help me with my compulsive spending problem & my OCD, so I wouldn't spend so much of my life shopping for clothes or making decisions that my brain gets stuck on, like what color of shirt to wear every morning. I taught myself to buy what I needed to get me thru for a short period of time so that others could get what they needed & so I wasn't living in a home crammed full of paper products that I wouldn't need for 6 months. (This was pre-pandemic, FYI.) I still have the collection of white baskets I bought for organizing my kitchen, laundry area, & closet in 2019. I have decluttered over the past few years, but I have never felt that I needed to make my apartment minimalistic because I love the pictures on my walls & other things in my apartment that I took a long time finding & put a lot of thought into in the first place. Once minimalism became trendy & everyone was talking about it, I started to lose interest. But I still try to be intentional & to focus on sustainability when I can.

A great example for me of objects that matter, and is talked about so much in minimalism is books. I know some people are fine with reading everything on a Kindle or whatever, but I LOVE my books. I have 4 shelves full, seeing them everyday makes me happy, having to reorganize them and even dusting them makes me happy. I will never have regrets about my books, and I don’t care if “minimalists” judge me for it 😂

Oh my god THANK YOU for addressing the classist aspects of minimalism. I haven't seen another creator on here speaking about it - what you're doing is vital and will be acknowledged as trend setting in a few years. I have been speaking about this and am finally seeing more people commenting about it recently, about the differences of decluttering with financial security versus living paycheck to paycheck or even straight up poverty.

I always appreciate your empathy when you discuss your job and your clients as well as the approach you take. You're so right. The only way to repair relationships with items is to work with the *person*. We all need to have items in our lives, but improving our relationships with those items will do us a lot more good than just removing them. I've decluttered my home using the help of a professional organizer, and it was an amazing experience. You do such valuable work and I really appreciate you.

As the saying goes, "Moderation in all things, including moderation." A freely chosen ascetic lifestyle can be liberating, but it can also spill over into rigidity for its own sake. As you say, it's not a question of morality, decluttering in and of itself is not a definite virtue. I like the concept of a "minimum effective dose" as described by Tim Ferriss, among many others, I'm sure, and taking into consideration diminishing returns i.e. more is not always better. Personally, stark and sparse doesn't light me up as much as curated and organized/displayed that makes daily life easier, more interesting and fun does.

I agree with you. One of my favorite decluttering experts is Dana K. White. Her books are hilarious and explain that everyone has a different clutter threshold. Some people can manage to have a lot more stuff in their homes and still keep everything organized. Others have to move the pile of laundry in order to have a place to sit. “Seasonal decor” tends to be a trigger for me. I feel like retailers like Target,At Home, Hobby Lobby and JoAnns push people to buy a bunch of junk to redecorate for every holiday and season. My decor only changes when we put up the Christmas tree. I do have crafty hobbies like sewing, cross stitching, and painting,so I have to make a conscious choice to not buy every new fabric, floss or pattern. I do feel like I need to keep everything that was handmade by prior generations, even though we don’t use it. (I’m working on this.) We also have an adult child with a physical disability, who requires a fairly large walker. So we keep the furniture in our open floor plan home to a minimum to make it easier for him to get around independently.

I just kept saying "YES!" throughout this video!! Thank you for an insightful, kind, and respectful video.

Former archivist, I know the importance of keeping just enough of the right stuff. People instantly relax and become encouraged when I repeat Kay’s maxim about a successful system not having a particular look, but meeting the can you find it, do you use it, can you put it away criteria. Far as I’m concerned, all the rest of organizing’s just window dressing:).

Thank you for this video. You have expressed what I have been thinking for a long time. I think some minimalist content creators have gone too far in telling us what they think we should and shouldn't have in our homes. They have pared down their homes to the basics and yet they still keep looking for things to declutter to create more content and remain competitive. One comment, (from someone I'm sure you'll recognize) was, "just because you use an item doesn't mean you need to keep it." Wait. What? If this is what it takes to be a minimalist count me out. I am retired and on a fixed income. I downsized from a four bedroom house to a two bedroom cottage. I have had to do a lot of decluttering, including a considerable amount of stuff left behind by my parents. I have tried to keep only what is useful to me or brings me pleasure. Yes, despite what they say about how our homes "should" be, I enjoy color and decor. It feeds my creative side. I believe your home should be a reflection of you. It should tell your story, not be a sterile white "box" with no personality.

It’s been my observation that some folks turn trends into virtues. If you are on trend you are cool and if you are not then something is wrong with you. Then it becomes a battle amongst the cool to be the coolest.

I’m a maximalist who loves being organized 🥰 I enjoy my memorabilia and ephemeral items of beauty all around me. I love color and art and pattern. Clutter is unnecessary items…junk or non-useful items. I think the biggest issue is being content with who we are as individuals with unique taste and preferences. I saw big problems starting with the coupon shoppers craze when people would hoard items like laundry soap so they could show they got it all for 12 cents or something. It all comes back to contentment imo.

The Minimalists’ message was definitely radicalized and made toxic by the community at large. The whole “if you own more than 100 items, you’re a hoarder” genre of social media has done quite the damage. Having what matters to me in my home is the key to MY happiness. The minimalist ppl I choose to follow have similar views to myself. It’s about what fits your life.

I love this discussion, especially when you spoke about respecting your space and your things. One of the reasons I love your videos has been that you have things and you don't judge people for their things. I like to call myself a "reformed packrat". I got rid of 1/3 of the things I owned 10 years ago. As I started learning more about decluttering, I learned about minimalism to see if it was for me. I quickly realized it wasn't BUT learning about it helped me deal with my emotional attachment to objects in a more positive way than what we see now. Now I only keep things that bring me joy, that I have a plan for, or that I need. My issue used to be holding onto stuff because I thought I *might* need it one day or because I had it for so long already. I also agree with you about the loss of nuance. It feels like everything is one extreme or the other with no in-between. The truth is there's a whole lot of in-between and that's where most of us exist, especially when it comes to our stuff! 💚

Totally agree. I’m a pianist, guitarist, and diy-er. Kinda need stuff for that! Minimalists tell you keep it to one hobbie haha. So agree with you that meaning in life doesn’t come from lack of stuff, nor is getting rid of stuff a virtuous act!! Spot on. Previous generations didn’t just throw things away. They patched and fixed them. Minimalism encourages more consumerism by getting rid of stuff all the time-that you may need to buy later, LOL. And yes getting rid of stuff that you may need later could be an expensive way to live!!

I totally agree with you, Kay. Minimalism has become absolutely toxic and people practicing it have become horribly judgmental (kind of like certain vegans lol). There's no subtlety to it - it's a zero-sum game which just makes people feel bad and inadequate. My house (now that I have no children at home) is extraordinarily tidy, and everything has a place. I love how neat it is and am happy that it's easy to keep clean. But under no circumstances would I ever be called a minimalist - I have TON of stuff (my yarn closet alone would send minimalists into a tizzy haha). I love it all. I went through a huge declutter and pare-down when we moved from NY to Salem, Mass (we're living in the house my husband was born in and that was built by his great-grandfather), but we still had a huge moving van and had to make 2 additional trips back for more stuff that didn't fit in the truck. It's more about storage than getting rid of stuff if it brings you joy. I LOVE my home and it's my favorite place to be.

Don’t know if minimalism still does this but years ago the thing was take a picture of item & you’re still have the memory. Nope I miss the item. Seeing it in my home made me happy. Who looks at pictures all the time?

I had a chuckle about the idea of "The Minimalism Handbook" and wondering how many pages it might have. Would it be minimalist to even own such a book. Good emphasis on respect. Thanks.

It's so interesting to hear this perspective. I read "essentialism" in a book club and had a lot of problems with that, but the core idea of simplifying and focusing on the priorities you feel are important was attractive. I think I expected a related sentiment at the core of minimalism. Reducing stuff as a way of focusing on what's important. From that angle when I ran into the guys you mention.. having 100s of podcasts, multiple documentaries, hiring a production team, etc... doesn't feel like simplifying or de-complicating even if maybe there is some physical de-cluttering involved.

Interacting with different corners of the minimalism community online is a strange experience. My main motivation for decluttering (and I'm fairly sure at this point I could be called a minimalist) is because I am really bad at keeping up with housework. The less things that require cleaning, the more manageable and relaxing my home is. My whole minimising process has been driven by internal, personal motivations so it is very alien to me that other people sometimes see it as a competition - there's just nothing to 'compete' on to me.

Thank you for this video! Watching it helped me verbalize something which has been bugging me about minimalism and how I have tried to apply it, which is that it becomes another form of pushing back happiness. What I mean by that is that we have so many things in our culture where we say, “ok, I will be happy when I… [pay off this debt, get into a relationship, achieve x goal, etc.], and get so wrapped up in chasing whatever it is that we think will make us happy that we miss the happiness and joy and contentment available to us, even in small flashes, in our current experience. I can be happy in my house as it is! I can also enjoy letting go of what no longer serves me in my home, but I think it works better from a focus on “what serves me?” And “what is functional for me?” Rather than a focus on minimalism for minimalism’s sake. I think I have also seen decluttering as a magic cure for everything which feels hard about my life, which leads to constant decluttering because if I don’t feel better, I just must not have decluttered enough! It feels similar to some of the thinking that fueled disordered eating in my teen years.

This was an interesting take! I got deeper into sewing during the pandemic and was able to make princess dresses for my niece who couldn't go to disney. I put container/size limits on my crafting to ensure it's not overwhelming but I like to have empty space in the rest of my life because it is easier to access things. I like to focus on "ENOUGHISM". HAVE ENOUGH, whatever that is FOR YOU (do you need 10 plates, cool, do you need 2? Cool), then stay there and the rest becomes a curated life instead of an overwhelming or austere one

THANK YOU for this!!! I am a minimalist *from birth* (not because of the trend!) . I have always disliked a cluttered space, but only for my own productivity and mental health, NOT to pass judgment on anyone else. You always have a very balanced perspective in your videos, and I am 💯% here for it!!! 💖👍

I am by no means a minimalist, but have been trying to get rid of stuff in my 1 bedroom apt. Like you said it is about your relationship with your stuff. I am donating stuff I no longer use/wear and it makes me feel good once the stuff is gone. I am donating work clothes in excellent condition to "Dress for Success ", which makes me feel better than just donating to any other organization (not that they're not valuable)

What an interesting video, thank you! I am retired and enjoy quilting and embroidery and am proud to display my work around my modestly sized home. I listened to a RU-vidr telling me to get rid of my CD’s and DVD’s recently but I really don’t want to have to pay a monthly streaming service when I already own the music I enjoy and films I am happy to watch again from time to time. It’s a generational thing perhaps but now I feel validated!

Thank you for this. Labels on us are something we've been trying to avoid, but seem to be even more prevalent. I'm comfortable in what I call Chaotic Arts and Crafts and would have a house in rococco style if my husband would let me. He is not an artist, saver, or collector like I am. But I have learned to part with something someone else might use and that brings me joy that they can. I don't want to burden my kids either since we're not that young anymore. I want to sort the wheat from the chaff so it doesn't all just go in a dumpster and they'll have some order to it ahead of time. Plus I want us to enjoy our stuff and not feel like it's a burden to have what we do. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I love your voice quote, too. I'm an amateur singer that's had vocal chord issues so that means a lot to me, too.

Thank you. I want to be organized and declutter but a lot of minimalist youtubers make it sound like it has to be all or nothing. I really enjoy listening to you. You add common sense.

Can we just have the same attitude with our homes as our bodies?? Respect for the place that we are in, where it has brought us, and where it will take us. Love that you highlighted the respect issue!

Kay, Thanks for your boldness in tossing the topic out there for us to digest ! Finally, a reasonable perspective on “stuff” ! While I think declutering is helpful it’s not the end all be all. I think you hit it - it’s absolutely about balance respect and what’s best for you and your home. Thanks for starting an honest Conversation about organization. Organization is not a fad when done with intent and thoughtfulness to you your needs and your space and function- that’s why I follow this channel it’s the real deal !!

I call myself a minimalist. Although I'm sure there would be gatekeepers who say I'm not minimalist-enough. I'm bipolar and erratic spending to the point of having no money at all has been a big problem for me. As part of taking ownership of my health I was looking for a way of managing the impulse purchases. I find having lots of rules and questions to ask myself before buying very helpful. I find having strict boundaries on how much I want to keep in my space very helpful for maintaining a healthy living environment too. I am aware of the toxic views online. But they are pretty easy for me to spot and I ignore them. I've been a minimalist for a few years now and I've figured out what works for me. I can understand its not for everyone. But the principles of minimalism have made my life so much easier and healthy. I still make mistakes but there is a limit now which means I am able to be less of a burden on my support network.

Thank you, Kay!! You are so kind, respectful and articulate!! Your message is so needed, and I'm so glad you decided to share your opinion about this topic. I share your opinion, but could never have been as articulate as you . Great job, well done!! Love you so much!

Thank you for this video. I have been wrapped up in minimalism, and for me it became competitive with myself really. How much can I let go of. How little can I own. I did over-declutter in some small ways, but overall decluttering set me free from what was at the very least borderline hoarding, if not actually hoarding. I definitely had way too much stuff, and have now decluttered probably 75%+ of what I own. The categories where I overdid it is areas of stuff I just like - stationery and perfume. I have collections of both and let go of some things that I am now rebuying. I am a person who has trouble with grey areas. I'm all or nothing. I buy it all or buy none. I declutter like mad or I don't bother with a category much at all. But I will say what i overdid it with is small in comparison to the benefits and I am now learning how to let go of things in small amounts and hanging onto what I like and being okay with it being more than is necessary.

I'm introverted and chronically ill. I stay home. I like staying home. I like books and art supplies and plants. I don't love experiences outside of my home nearly as much.

Most Movements that start out well meaning usually fall prey to classicism & extremism eventually which leaves ppl feeling like they are doing it wrong, which sucks. It’s refreshing that we are able to get to a point to discuss those issues & hopefully improve. Love this & you! ❤

Home to me as a child was filled with antiques from generations of family members and my mom collections. When I view the minimalist homes, they look cold hospital types. My family didnt throw away because my parents were older and survived wars and the depression. My friends had parents that had grown up in new homes and bought new furnishings to fill them. My children knows how to reuse and recycle. My mom went to thrift stores before it was ok for only cheapskates and my kids are in vogue with this to furnish their small apartments easily. Yeah for less waste and keeping costs low which are welcomed today again.

Thank you so so so so so much for this! Excellent points! Imagine being an Uber minimalist and then the thing that you’ve made time and space for is criticizing other people for not being minimal “enough.” How incredibly sad for them. I’ve been learning a lot about the privilege of decluttering because you have too much stuff and you illustrated this so clearly.

I have felt the stress to get rid of things. I have decided that if I love the item and use it then it doesn't matter what others think. I have learned that I don't have to have every collectable there is...but what I keep for me is just enough for me. There are things I am parting with but on my terms. I don't have to have the newest of anything but that is me. I don't want to feel guilty for keeping something just because of I am not fitting into someone's lifestyle mold. I'm me. I'm quirky. I know when I have family and friends over they are coming to see me. Thank you for this video.

Excellent talk, Kay! Thank you. My experience is a pivotal life decision at retirement in 2015 - to live in an RV and explore the US. That commitment launched a massive downsizing of generational cumber and my own stuff to pair down to what was likely 5% of what I had. Best decision ever made. Yet, now another pivotal change brought me into a 2000 sq ft home with practically nothing to put in it. Very thoughtfully, I have acquired more possessions. Now, I am surrounded by likely 5 x more items, but each one has been selected to bring me joy and comfort. You certainly named an important issue. Minimalism is not meant be a competition, but a tool to find meaning and peace. What is too much for one will be just right for another. I love your heart. Keep speaking truth.

I love your measured approach. I started decluttering during the pandemic when I realized that visual clutter was a huge anxiety trigger for me. I have two young children and would never pretend that my house is textbook “minimal.” My husband loves woodworking and always has various projects going on, and I am an avid crafter with yarn and fabric and other items overflowing my crafting closet. But what this shift helped me with was getting rid of what wasn’t serving us and organizing what was. Our house is rather small… maybe 1100 square feet. But through decluttering and organizing and learning to do with less, we have realized that even with two kids, we can probably make this house work for us as long as we would like to stay there. That has been very freeing. I wish more people could stop with the “all or nothing” approach and realize the value in tailoring it to what works for you and your situation.

CANTATA SINGERS: Kay don’t know how else to contact you, but just watched the December concert and HAD to share how simultaneously elated and becalmed it has left me. Thank you for making this experience available. And btw, you looked as gorgeous as your voice - having followed the organizer for years, seeing the soprano was a privilege. All the very best xxx

Good thoughts and observations. I have decluttered as much as I feel is enough. I have extras stashed away and they are not causing any stress. My everyday spaces are functional. Clutter does creep in and we each have our personal threshold. Minimalism is indeed something personal. Great talk Kay. 👍🏼

For; years while I was working I did a fair amount of recreational shopping. If I couldn’t decide between two cute things I’d buy them both. And I’d buy things thinking I would use them or do them “when I retire”. I also figured I declutter and organize when I retired. So I have been decluttering and “re”organizing my house. While I will never be true minimalist I have found I want less stuff. And I realize I’ll never have time to do and use everything if I live to 100. So I’m trying to find the balance between too much stuff and enough. I heard somewhere “if you can’t find it, you don’t have it “ and that is my motto. But I don’t want to get rid of things just for the sake of it. It’s a work in progress and I’m on round 2 and making good strides but it will be ongoing until someday I reach the Swedish death cleaning time. Thanks for your words of wisdom on minimalism and not having to have everything “Home Edit” organized!

As a minimalist who grew up in a hoarder home who also has a crochet hobby, I really appreciate your message! The Minimalists were my first exposure but I do agree that they are extremely problematic and that some people take it too far. Even I still get the itch to declutter and honestly I don't have much more than I need. I think that might be why there are different areas of minimalism now, from "extreme" to "cozy".

I look at pictures of homes that stress me out. Last week I saw a kitchen that had two stoves. Nobody needs two stoves. The kitchen was cluttered. The living room had clashing colors and patterns. My husband wanted to buy the house these pictures were presenting. I said no! Just looking at the house gave me anxiety. My mom had a literal path in our house. I feel so blessed when I read comments like that.

I've gotten rid of a lot of excess in the last 3 years. Will never be an extreme minilist. I like wall art, throw pillows and blankets. I have 2 sets of sheets per bed. Some say should only be one set.

Kay, I'm so glad you made this video! It is so spot on! I especially agree with how terrible it is of people to armchair diagnose others (as hoarders or any other disorder, etc) when really that's just their opinion and they have no right to be making these statements that can greatly affect people. We had really good friends recently tell us we were hoarders and it really hurt. We have a lot of stuff, and we're working on getting rid of the unnecessary, but we also have a lot of stuff that brings us joy, that means something to us, that's important to us. Flippantly using names of disorders is not okay. I need to stop or I'll go on a long rant, but let y me just say thank you for this video, thank you for your caring approach, and keep being awesome. Sending love to you, Clover, and Yves

I enjoyed this video and agree with what you are saying. I believe toxicity occurs when "you" judge someone else by "your" standards/morals/beliefs. Also, I am so glad to hear you are learning to respect yourself and your voice. You are an amazing person!

“You don’t have to have an all-white home..” *me, sweating surrounded by blush-colored piles of things that make me happy* OH THANK GOD

Thank you for your sane and balanced take o things. I would like to see an ordinary family live a minimalist lifestyle - I don’t believe such a thing exists because it’s so very rigid. “Not having” because of lack of money is a completely different situation. In this mix there’s also an element of decluttering being a “rich man’s prerogative”, based on the assumption that you could easily buy again the things you tossed/donated, and this for me is food for thought.

I looove this video as a disabled person who is pretty much homebound. My home is my sanctuary, and having a realistic lived-in comfortable home is a must.

Such a beautiful message about caring and respecting yourself. Thank you Kay. Your loving and kind spirit always touches me.

OMG ! This video was AWESOME, we needed it, you talked about everything I was thinking about all that minimalism stuff The minimalists, at their beginning, were exactly what people needed, we were all over consuming and for "bad reasons" so it had to change and I think it did happen for a lot of people because they were exhausted from keeping up with collections (videos about make up decluttering were SOOOO GOOD to binge watch btw) But all that "went down" for three reasons in my opinion : - First, like everything else, people went too far in the trend, the messages the minimalists tried to send were often misinterpreted by people (I listened a lot of their podcasts) Same goes for Marie Kondo, she was mostly about what sparks joy, not minimalism per say from what I understood, if hundred items spark joy then hundred you keep but people mixed it with minimalism and went extreme and it wasn't about that either I speak about her because they said in a podcast that they were "the why" you declutter and she was "the how" you do it - Second, I stopped following when they were about experiences and "loving people and not stuff" because I don't like people and I love my stuff ! I don't care about experiences which btw are expensive and like you said, we often live paycheck to paycheck - Third, somehow their message led me to confusion because keeping stuff you like make you realize how much you love them (I speak for me of course) and you go deeper into what you really like (sewing was a good example, same goes for crafting) so you consolidate your collection and you keep investing money in it sometimes and they weren't about all of that, they were against having stuff, they were to extreme about that and like you said, they think that's "crap" and I disagree so strongly That's them who went extreme here That's all folks ! I hope my English is understandable Thank you Kay for your relevant content 😘

"they decluttered all of their alarms..." seriously, laughed out loud at that. 🙂 thanks for the smile!

Love this! 😊 I love being home and cross stitching and I want to start quilting. These "things" bring me great joy! We need to stop listening to what "they" say and yes, be kind to each other!!

I agree with a lot of this video. Some podcasters are so extreme that decluttering has become an obsession. Finding the right balance between ourselves and our "things" is important and not always easy so I only watch podcasters who encourage others to find their own level of comfort and then help them organize to make their life easier.

They’re not. Because they decluttered all their alarms- the shade!!! 🌳😝

Girrrrlllll! I love being at home and what you’ve shared about minimalism is so true for me. Clutter is different for everyone. I work outside of the home, but every evening home is the only place I want to be. And I don’t like to travel, so that holds no incentive for me. I don’t want to go on “adventures” but it seems like all the minimalists do! lol Here’s what I did - I just got rid of things that I realized weren’t serving any needs/wants in my life and wouldn’t soon be doing so. Carry on, my friend and keep speaking your kindness! ❤

I follow a few minimalism YT’rs and, along with you and your channel, it has been helpful to me in my mindset and decluttering process, but I stopped watching a few channels due to the more toxic environment. Thank you for always showing kindness, grace and empathy on your channels. And thanks for the Skillshare update! I joined a few months ago after trying your free trial (thank you!) and am enjoying it! I love to learn so this has been fun! I will check out the class you mentioned!

I discovered you very recently -- through your review of the Maker's mop as it happens (based on your review, I got one and am really loving it!) -- and have been making my way through your videos. They are very balanced and practical, which is what I love about them, and you are very relatable (besides sharing your views, my husband is also French Canadian, and my cousin's wife is a soprano in Europe). Thus, I am thrilled that you are speaking out about how minimalism can be toxic. I recoil at being told to limit myself to 1 spatula -- I'm a serious cook, and need to the right tool for the job. Just like 1 knife is not enough to see me through my culinary projects, neither is 1 spatula. That's just silly, and it doesn't recognize that we are all different, with different needs and passions. And that is where I start to get frustrated with how unnecessarily limiting minimalism is: our belonging tell our stories, and those of our families. They can be beautiful curated and cared for, nurture us and our families, and bring joy. When things don't have meaning and value, when they weigh us down, there is a problem, but if they are a beautiful and joyful expression of our inner life and history, they are a good thing. I love being invited into homes that are rich in ideas and give a sense of a life well-lived. I think this rarely gets acknowledged, and should be part of the discussion of the shortcomings of minimalism.

Not a fan of minimalism and would never try it for myself! Minimalists out there gave me some food for thought about what my things mean to me, but that was just it - I cherry picked what I needed from them rather than follow them blindly. Re: the backups - so good of you to bring this up! It's not only about monetary value, but also about availability. Ever since the pandemic came along I've had less need for high heels or office attire, but being plus size, short *and* busty I find it really hard to find garments and footwear that fit me, so there's no way I'm letting go of my bust-friendly shirts or wide fit court shoes. Especially that a lot of the brands that made clothing for my figure went out of business before or during covid. Great video, as always.

Thank you so much for making this video! I felt this in my heart but it seemed like no one was saying it.

I loved this Kay ❤️ So much food for thought. I feel like I have seen a recent shift in some content creators from "minimalism" to "simplifying" and personal I love the latter verbage. I get stressed easily when my home is cluttered so I've enjoyed simplifying my home but...I am an avid reader, enjoy making art, decorating and gardening. I will never qualify as a minimalist but I do believe in simplifying what we can to make our lives easier. Seriously, this video was so good. Budget, have fun, take care of your items, such good thoughts!

The Home Edit freaks me out and makes me strive for a more minimal life . All that colour coordinating lego etc is fun to watch but not practical. I follow a lady on YT who owns virtually nothing and although I would never go that far it looks calming and a mindful way to live. I used to buy storage to keep all my stuff organised but discovered that this encouraged me holding onto too much and spending time cleaning and keeping on top of it all. Now I am at peace with my simple way of life. People do take the YT minimal lifestyle a bit too seriously . Everyone is different embrace you, do what suits yourself ignore others life is too short 💜

Looking at my home situation I see that my kids (in their early 30s) are more minimalist. Technology plays a big role with access to information and music Im in my 60s love books including cook books and my collections ( not hoarder level) but I also enjoy my cds and hobbies which includes painting and crafting supplies.

I try not to declutter compulsively. I try to be intentional about it. My goal is not to be mininalist... just want to simplify.

Great advice and insight! Thank you Kay. 💗

Great perspective, Kay! So glad you brought this up. And it was done in your kind, caring way 🙂.

What a lovely video! I appreciate and agree with your comments about "toxic" minimalism. We all watch RU-vid and see these beautiful homes, minimalist or otherwise, with perfectly matching storage containers, everything decanted into another container, perfectly labelled, etc. I believe everyone can be more organized in big or small ways, but as far as I am concerned, minimalism is a choice, not an imperative. If you are a crafty person (whatever craft), you will have stuff to do your craft, and extras, and stuff for future projects, etc. That doesn't really fit in with 'minimalism' but it is NOT a bad thing. If you are a collector of whatever, your collection brings you joy. That also doesn't fit in with 'minimalism' but that doesn't mean you are a bad person. We can all strive to be better - a better person, better organized - but it is a journey and we are all at different points in our journey. Not being a minimalist doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you.

The amount of times I’ve talked with someone who says “I don’t like minimalism I just want to be able to get rid of the things I don’t need and stay on top of not acquiring more things I don’t need!” It’s so silly! I always try to tell them that IS what minimalism is, not just these white boxes on Instagram you know? But people for some reason still walk away convinced minimalism isn’t for them. I think of it as another tool in my mindfulness toolbox. I have tons of keepsakes and knickknacks my home looks well lived in and colorful, minimalism isn’t always what the top creators market it to be

I loved this. I loved the compassion and realness of how you approached this. It even made me interested in taking the JVN course!

Thank you, Kay, for adding your voice to this important topic. 💜

Oh you made me realize what I don’t like about (extreme) minimalism as the goal…. it could mean obsessing about how little to own which isn’t any better (or freeing, or allowing me to enjoy life more) than obsessing over how much I can have.

You have a very calming demeanor which I really like. I love the message you are sharing. We must do what works for us. Why do we feel like we need to pull others down? Thank you for sharing! I'm interested to watch some of your other videos as well :)