My wife pass away 4 month ago, slowly I realized it is not the regrets make me suffer. We will still suffer the lost of our spouse even if we had a perfect life or when there was no regrets. I suffer the most from not able to do things we used to do together. not able to share the good and the bad together.
Not being able to share is a tough one, that took me a while to get through, and even now, 9 years in I still miss being able to share with her... however, I do think there's a difference between not being able to share and suffering as a result... it's possible to not be able to share and not suffer... you'll get there.. thinking of you
Your words bring so much peace to my heart. I've lived with regret everyday since my father's passing earlier this year. I probably had the resources to do so much more for him but I wasn't completely aware of so much that was needed until it was too late. I need to be nice to myself ❤ please continue making videos. They sure bless us and help us more than you can imagine. Thank you!
Thanks again...I needed to hear that. Even though I totally agree with you, it's still awfully hard not to have regrets about some things. We do the best we can in the moment...but lack of knowledge, lack of awareness, feeling tired, distracted, stressed...all can lead to actions or inactions we later regret...thanks for your videos. Good to read others comments too.
I agree. Especially being thrown into a roll of caregiver by circumstance. We try our best but its never enough and all responsibility will be on our shoulders. Sometimes unfairly.
I totaly agree with you - feeling same guilty and regret becasue of lack of awareness , distracted , stressed - not showing attention to real gut feeling - /
All of those apply to me in the last week and I made a decision to not go see my dad last night due to circumstances, thinking instead I'd go today. He passed last night, earlier than I expected. I'm despondent. I feel like I should have pushed through and made it happen.
I lost my grandma and I couldn't be near her in her end times despite her calling my name again and again...and I'll have to live with this regret my whole life, that I didn't come back home on time and I couldn't be with my grandma during her end time.
Thank you, I never looked at it that way. I just lost my husband this past January, and have been living with regret every day, thank you for making it easier for me.
I lost my husband January 6th as well! I live with so much regret as he died suddenly from a genetic heart condition we didn’t know he had. He was perfectly healthy. I thought we’d grow old together and I took a lot for granted.
@@fembot521 I feel your pain. Claire died suddenly too, from a tumour we didn't know she had. It took 7 hours to kill her! We also thought we'd grow old together. You made the best decisions you could in the past, it's only with hindsight that we can see the past differently. Be kind to yourself...
Thank you so much for this helpful talk. My husband passed away 2 months ago and I find myself with regret and wishing I had done things differently. I appreciate your insights. Thank you and blessings to you.
I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from..?…:
This is so important. This video has made me realize that I get to choose how to respond to my grief. This gives me more control over my emotions and to take the action of acceptance.
Thank you for the great video. It made me think how, in our lives, we get to forks and we go right or left and continue trough twisted roads but when you look back from the point were we are now, we just see a straight line. You are right, our resources are different now than then and we made the best decision we could at the time. Thank you again.
I have been beating myself up for all the arguments I had with my late wife. It is so easy to get down on yourself for wasting precious time. I miss her so much. Thank you for the gift of our life together God.
You are correct. Everyday I need to tell myself this, instead of beating myself up. Thanks for telling me something I knew but don't remind think everyday
My grandma passed away a few months back, I was always rude to her and took her for granted. Now that she’s gone I miss her more than anything and I’ll never forgive myself
Rhank you. My husband passed two years ago and I've been beating myself up. I did do the best I could but I just mucked it up. I did learn tho. Better now than never. It does help. Thank you.
I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from..?…,..
I needed this. Thank you so much. I was so impatient with my sweet mom, argumentative, didn't visit her as much as I should have. We had a complicated relationship but loved each other so much. I feel like I will never get over the guilt and regret. I fee like I caused her so much unhappiness. The last time I saw her in person, a few weeks before her passing she said "Remember the good times, we had a lot of good times" - That helps, but gosh, I wish I could go back and fix all the mistakes I made. I was in such denial. I thought I'd have her forever.
only thing that helps is time. Your person loved u then, that version of urself that u blame, so that gives me some comfort. Hope ur doing better these days
It's been 4 years since my mother passed away. My regrets still live with me and haunt me every single day. I've tried so many self help books, advice, therapy, and medication and I can't shake it. She had Parkinson's disease with dementia and I wasn't around enough to help care for her. She became very angry with me and accused me of things that weren't true. My mother spoke badly about me and I can only associate it with her disease. I was angry with my mother for a very long time and felt hurt that my mother spoke that way about me. It shocked me because we always had a very close, loving relationship. I really believe the disease messed up her mind. Because of my anger, I stayed away and didn't call her as much. My sister took it all on, and cared for my mother, as she lived with her. I felt afraid to help care for her and to see my mother that way. I should have done more. I should have understood, but I didn't. My sister should have never been her sole caregiver, it was wrong and unfair. To this day my regrets stay with me, I feel like I'm going crazy and am no longer myself with no way how to get out of this. I do appreciate your video and am doing my best to try to understand all of this and move forward.
Well done, you're doing great. A word of gentle encouragement.. don't use the word 'try', we either do or don't, choose which it is... all best, thinking of you at this difficult time...
I took care and still continue to take care of my grandma and my grandfather the last three years of his life. During that time I was dealing with a really serious opiate addiction. I hate when I put hum through. I got sober for the last 11 months of his life and it was really special and I’m really grateful to have that time but I just wish I did more I wish I didn’t put them through all that stuff I wish I could just show him how much I love him and appreciate him and everything he did for me there are no words he bought me a condo and a car and paid for my rehab and was the father I never had and I just wish I was better to him
Bless you, that's amazing to go sober for that time... well done. You know what... you did the best you could at that time. Yes, with hindsight and knowledge you have NOW you might do things differently, but back then, you did your very best with the resources you had available. I'm thinking of you
I have lived with regrets for the past 5 and a half years since my wife died fron cancer. I blame myself for not stopping it. We should have both been tested. I should have listened to her when she wanted to eat healthy. I watched her die for 7 straight days. I will never forgive myself for this horrible deed. I only pray my wife will forgive me for my failure to act and most horrible faulure to save her life.
Thinking of you Frank... please do consider joining our Peace and acceptance community, it's a place where we support one another lost-without-her.com/bereavement-support-groups/
My mother recently passed away. Granted my mother had a lot of health issues, But I used to get in to political arguments with my brother. And this would stress her out. One time I could not bite my tongue and swallow my pride and I had to respond back and add a few oppinions. The timing was right there when she started decliining. She was having trouble sleeping and her blood pressure was out of control. I can't help but think that if I had just swallowed my pride, she would not have declined like that. I took for granted that time was limited. I should have swallowed my pride for her sake.
I lost my husband 4 months back after 24 yrs of married life. I have 2 teenage sons. I am waiting to settle them and join my husband soon. I cannot image a life without him. I have seen your earlier videos also. I am from India.
I am from India ! & since 18 months my doctor husband passed away suddenly due to cardiac arrest - as he contracted COVID while treating hundreds of patients - my heart is filled with guilt & regrets !! Can’t overcome & grief has been complicated! I can’t bear this unbearable pain!
@@DrKirti-zq8my I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from..?..:…
I lost me ex.We divorced after 9 years of marriage,it was 20 years ago and we always stayed good friends even we were in different relationship .We always did many things with our boys when they were young and helped to each other with all. I am so full of regret that I was the one who wanted to divorce ,even if it happened long ago.We had a lot of disturb from his family and sometimes he was getting nervous easily when the kids were young and there was no sex at all.I was feeling like furniture. He suicide 6 monthes ago while he was in his girlfriend house.I dont have piece since then and i regret we did't try harder to keep us together.
My husband die 8 1 22 you see he had a stroke we have been married for 40 year's he has the stroke just for a month in December he was getting better and my son get covid19 so I had to see about him to and see about my husband Amos too so I got the covid19 I didn't know I had it my husband got it and die so I am blaming my self for his death he would be here today if wasn't for me so that is my regret
I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from..?..:…
A "great" Uncle (granduncle) of mine passed away a few weeks ago. I blamed and hated myself for not expressing my love, feelings and how happy he made me feel while he was still around. Last time I saw him alive and well was in 2017, when he visited his home country where I lived(he lived in Canada). I still blame myself for not taking the opportunity and chance I had to tell him how I felt about him, I loved him so much. This regret will stay with me for as long as I live. I planned to make a trip to Canada for Christmas 2023 to spend some time with him after missing him for so long and to talk to him and show him how much he mattered to me. Now, I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like the pain of visiting the place where he lived and not seeing him there or hearing his voice will be too much for me to bear. He passed away from complications arising from bacterial pneumonia at age 90. Still heartbroken from this loss, but I'll try to keep going for as long as I can and reminisce about the golden and wholesome memories I had with him from the "little" time he and I spent together whenever he visited. I don't think I'll ever fully recover from this loss, but I'll try my best. The memory of his gorgeous smile and desire to help others and make them feel happy and loved, will forever be engrained in my mind. He had the sweetest hugs and most outgoing and joyous personality. He always gave the most useful advice and always brought out the best in you. May God rest his soul. His memory will forever be eternal. Thank you for making this video. It has helped me a bit and you have my gratitude for that.
