Losing a Parent: How to Help a Grieving Friend 

Thanks for listening to this personal message. If you are going through loss, please share your experience. What has helped you with your grief?

Lost my dad when I was six, 45 now. My friend just lost her dad. I called and didnt say anything just cried with her.

I’m so sorry about your parents. You’ve articulated beautifully. My husband passed 7 years ago. With the benefit of hindsight… *Saying nothing is worse than saying the wrong thing. *Share pictures and stories - no matter how much time has passed. *I love it when a friend texts, “I was thinking about him today” or “I wonder what he would say about ABC.” It helps to know other people are missing him, too. * Don’t overpromise. People want to offer the world in support and if, by the time you are ready to ask for help, their offer is no longer on the table, it’s a double blow. There are people who swore to walk life out with us who instead walked away. * Instead of saying, “Let me know if you need anything,” offer specifics. From rides for kids to filing taxes to car shopping, knowing there was someone I could call was priceless. *Remember important dates. The dates of the deceased and the grieving. My person who celebrated me is gone. I appreciate that there are people in my life who still make me feel celebrated. I could write a book. I might actually write a book on this. I’ve been encouraged to. There are so many ways you can make a difference in the life of someone who is hurting.

I wish I would have heard this message a week ago. My girlfriend lost her mother unexpectedly and has had trouble dealing with the emotions and PTSD it has triggered. They did not have a good relationship yet listening to her younger siblings from a different marriage talk about what a wonderful parent she was really upset her. At the funeral hearing from friends and family that knew her later in life talk about what an amazing friend she was and how she was like a "mother to me." She really wants to know "why didn't she treat me this way, too?" She has been working through this but your advice on how I could better have supported her would have been a great opportunity to help her grieve and in the process, strengthened our relationship as well. I can at least do the "follow up" and continue to support her after that initial wave of acknowledgements has died down or disappeared. Thank you for these kind words.

Your ability to articulate something this up-close-and-personal is a huge gift to so many Riaz. When we lost my stepsister to suicide at 32, most people were afraid to bring up her name to my stepmother. At that point in my life I’d already spent 2 years volunteering on the Crisis Centre Hotline, so I knew from training that to avoid the conversation of grief altogether was to make it worse. Almost 20 years later I still talk about Heather with Maddy, at least around Heather’s birthday, because she deserves to be remembered and because so few give Maddy the chance to talk out loud about her lost child. 💔 Nowadays we remember her giddy laughter and we can smile together - through the tears.

I lost my father in August 2023 and then after less than 5 months I lost my beloved mother in January 2024. I am devastated. My whole world fell apart. Most people do not realize that grieving people want to talk about their loved one who passed away.

Sorry for your loss of both your parents. Thank you for creating such an important video. For the most part our society has a hard time knowing how to support people who are grieving and also dying. When one of my best friends was in her final weeks of cancer, she shared many instances with me of people close to her who didn't know how to talk to her about the fact that she was dying. The comments and suggestions you shared are also ways that we can help people who have terminal illness.

I am truly so sorry for the loss of your mom and dad Riaz. I lost my father 6 years ago and the pain and grief can be as palpable at times as the moment I lost him in 2015. You articulated exactly what I needed back then and still sometimes do. I love to hear my fathers name or stories about him. Don’t shy away from bringing up memories as thats the one thing we have left of our departed loved ones. One thing I’d like to help people understand is that grief is not healed with time. Please stop saying ‘time will heal all wounds’. Grief ebbs and flows throughout our lives. There are moments I find tremendous peace but there are times that I sit in silence, tears flowing down my face. Grief can be insidious or comforting and really has no rhyme or reason when it can take over. It can be as painful 10 years from the loss as it was the day you lost them. For me, it’s the amazing memories that bring me solace and comfort.

This is such an important topic for people to not only acknowledge, but be comfortable to discuss and appreciate. I lost my father 5 years ago this spring. It was hard for me to hear people say to me “don’t cry it will disturb his soul, pray for him”. I should be allowed to feel my emotions and express them in any way. Of course I prayed for him. But I missed him. There were moments when I was numb, angry, and broken hearted. I just wanted to hear his voice, feel his hug one more time. I would have appreciated if family, friends, acquaintances said I’m here for you. Or gave me a hug that I was longing so much. You are absolutely right, ask the question first, then have the conversation. Something I have instilled in myself when I am in a situation with a friend or family member.

No matter what you are going through, find something in the future to stay strong for. Love you all

Im so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the grief of losing not one but both parents so close together. Thank you so much for sharing this video, it is immensely helpful. All the best to you.

Beautiful and important. Thank you for sharing.

I'm so sorry for your losses. This was such a helpful video 💗

This is an excellent video. Thank you. I think saying to the person who is experiencing loss :"I am so sorry. What can I do to help?" is a good place to start. Your point of being there after the crowd leaves and the person is alone is an excellent point ie keep checking .Also your comment :"What do you want me to know about your parent(or Mom or Dad) " Is an excellent opportunity for the person has lost their to be in pain (so they can work threw the pain) and for you to be on their journey with them to support them. When my mom died I put a small rose garden in my back yard for my Mom who loved roses in her memory. When my aunt died who was also my GodMother my cousin(my aunt's daughter) sent me a quilt which my had made by hand. I loved that. It was so comforting to have that quilt which had been made by my beloved aunt's hands. Everyone is different and experiences pain differently-so don't be afraid to ask what you can do to help and don't be afraid to make suggestions like "I have made some of my special chili can I bring you some?" because often the person in pain is afraid to ask you for something that you might not give them which would cause them more pain. Again thank you Riaz for your sensitive and caring video. I very much appreciate it and you.

Thank you for this.

Super powerful, thanks Riaz.

Yes, it is so true. Hope others will benefit and as you said it is after others have moved on is the time you really need someone to be there. My wife and I both lost our father in space of 10 months and had a difficult time specially me as I was very close to my dad and last week it was his 10th anniversary.

Beautiful

I can so understand what you still going through🙏🏼 I recently lost my father in an accident and I’m still going through it ,you’re video has helped me including talking to my mother daily and not giving up 🙏🏼

Relatives and friends havent showed any support at all. They dont Ask How I am? If I need anything etc

I’m an orphan now.