Losing Your Mormon Husband - Janae Thompson (@TheKingofRandom CoFounder) Pt. 1 | Ep. 1755

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In this emotional and gripping interview, Janae Thompson shares her journey as a Mormon woman and the struggles she faced in a religion that demanded perfection and conformity. From her early years in the Mormon church, to her time at BYU and beyond, Janae recounts the challenges of fitting into a narrow mold while dealing with her own personal struggles, including an eating disorder and the pressure to find an eternal companion. But it was the sudden death of her husband Grant that truly tested Janae's strength and resilience. Through her raw and honest reflections, Janae offers a powerful insight into loss, grief, and the search for meaning and purpose in the face of tragedy.
Part 2: • Rebuilding your life a...
00:00:00 Intro & Intentions
00:05:15 Early Mormon years
00:13:00 Shame in adolescence
00:24:45 The problem with building your life as a Mormon woman around a man.
00:34:00 Initially not religious, Janae gains her testimony after getting into BYU Nauvoo program
00:54:00 Transferring to BYU, followed by dating struggles
01:01:30 Janae covers for her Bishop delaying her mission call by getting engaged
01:13:00 Janae breaks her engagement and moves to Arizona where she meets Grant
01:24:15 Temple and Wedding
01:28:00 Trying for a baby, miscarriage
01:31:30 Summarizing her 13 years with Grant
01:38:00 The birth of “The King of Random” (TKOR)
01:42:00 Progression of their marriage and Mormon faith
01:45:30 Pivoting to living a fuller, more intentional life - “Living” for the first time
01:48:00 Janae focuses on religion, Grant wants to find fun - a divide emerges
01:50:00 Grant's childhood and compulsivity in marriage
02:16:00 The day Grant died
02:30:30 Janae & children's react
02:42:00 How Grant died
02:47:30 Making decisions about the funeral, deciding to cremate
02:53:15 Reactions to Grant’s death, international news
02:55:00 Processing the loss of Grant
03:00:30 Telling the kids their dad has died
03:04:45 How to support someone who’s lost a loved one
03:08:30 Grant’s Mormon funeral, framing it as “a separation, graduation…see you soon…”God’s holding me right now”
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Mormon Stories Podcast is the longest-running and most successful podcast in Mormonism - hosted by Dr. John Dehlin. At Mormon Stories we explore, celebrate, and challenge Mormon culture through in-depth stories told by members and former members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We also occasionally interview scholars, authors, LDS apologists, and other professionals. Our overall mission is to: 1) Facilitate informed consent amongst LDS Church members, investigators, and non-members regarding Mormon history, doctrine, and theology, 2) Support Mormons (and members of other high-demand religions) who are experiencing a religious faith crisis, and 3) Promote healing, growth and community for those who choose to leave the LDS Church or other high demand religions.
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Опубликовано:

8 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 478

@winniecross4579 10 месяцев назад

I grew up in Utah where almost all of my friends were faithful Mormons and faced the things I see on this channel. I had no idea how convoluted it really is. Coming from an extended family that is literally Mormon aristocracy, I was so blessed to have two parents who were able to think and taught me to do the same. I never suffered the horrendous pressure to conform to insane norms and was always valued and loved for myself, who I was, as I was. At the age of thirteen, I asked a Sunday school teacher to explain to me what happened to the other person when the woman was “taken in adultery.” I read directly from my scriptures, John 8:3-11, “They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery, in the very act.” “If she was taken, ‘in the very act,’” I said, “then there was someone else there. What happened to him, when she was to be stoned to death? Where did he go?” The teacher screamed at me, “don’t you try to bring foul images into this sacred space!” I replied, “I’m reading from the scriptures and asking a question.” He pointed his finger at me and screamed, “GET OUT!” I picked up my books and walked out. I walked home and asked my father if I had to go back. He said, “You certainly do not. That decision will always be yours.” I never went back and it never made a difference in how I was treated or how much I was loved. I wish peace and grace for all those who have suffered and are still suffering from this oppression.

@sunnydayz87 9 месяцев назад

Wow, what a great question you asked your teacher for being 13 years old. I can't believe the teacher shouted for you to "get out!," instead of trying to answer your question. Better yet that your Father and parents etc stood by you. ❤❤❤

@dianegodbout2356 9 месяцев назад

wow, that teacher was over the top wrong,, '

@eyes4seeingu 2 месяца назад

good for you! your life has probably been filled with well thought out good decisions!

@shelagh7850 Год назад

Janae, when my mom died I 2:43:12 went into "what needs to be done" mode and I never cried. Then about 7 days later, I was lying in bed and suddenly thought that I missed my mom. That's when the tears came and I cried for four hours. Grief comes when it comes for each person.

@Nadine_IBRfarms Год назад

I can relate in so many ways, my first husband died at 28 of sudden heart failure. We were Mormon but had no children. I’m no longer a member

@Marenlauder1 Год назад

X-mo here. I got divorced amicably in Oct of 2021. Two weeks later, he had a massive heart attack and literally died at my feet. I felt I didn’t have the right to call myself a widow at first. And the last year and a half has been full of changes. For me the biggest was processing the emotional abuse and neglect. It’s a tough road, learning to parent alone and know it’s all on you

@sedonarose7563 Год назад

Oh my goodness I can’t even imagine! Processing divorce and death of spouse all at once. You’re strong. My motto after my divorce was “just keep swimming, just keep swimming” like Dory the fish.

@LouiseAWelch-cc4tf Год назад

I'm so sorry your husband passed away, mine did in July, '13. He was sickly and we met later in life too. So we had 17 years together. God bless you.

@julezee6500 Год назад

@Maurenlauder1. I really hope you applied to social security for survivor benefits!!!! Even if your marriage was ended.

@CaliMel184 7 месяцев назад

I'm so sorry. That's so much to have to deal with let alone all at once.

@hatarismom 9 месяцев назад

My husband has just been diagnosed with stage 4 metistatic cancer, I lost my last husband in 2004 from cancer. It is definitely a journey.

@debluce8607 Год назад

My husband died almost 10 years ago. Life is never the same. But life can still be beautiful. Thanks for doing this interview.

@patsanders9640 Год назад

I'm not a Mormon, this episode has really hit me for many reasons... not quite 2 years ago I lost my husband suddenly, also without being able to say goodbye... we're together for over 47 years and that numbness she felt I could so identify... and less than a year later my daughter's husband passed even more unexpectedly. I am so sorry for her loss .. I too didn't cry, all I could do was respond on the level that I needed to handle all the paperwork.. answering all the what needs to be done next details... I pray she finds peace and can move forward

@scottbrandon6244 Год назад

I was on a LDS dating site and was shocked how many women I met who were young widows. Some had no children while others had six kids. All women were under age 40. That's too young to be a widow.

@jakeolthof Год назад

Widows over 40 don't use dating sites as much as younger ones so you're seeing lots of widows there because married women are usually not dating.

@sedonarose7563 Год назад

@@jakeolthof right, but what about women who are divorced or never married?

@jakeolthof Год назад

@@sedonarose7563 Mormons used to stay married at twice the rate of the gentiles but not now.

@ninjanana8730 Год назад

@@jakeolthof gentiles? Isn't that a term the Jewish people use...not LDS.

@gracebe235 Год назад

@@ninjanana8730…..Mormons are assigned a ‘tribe’ (usually Ephraim), when they get their Patriarchal Blessing. Therefore, I guess it is believed by the leaders of that church, that they are all from various tribes of Israel = Jews….as opposed to gentiles. Would this fit that scripture in the Bible that talks about “those who say they are Jews, but are not”?

@carlao7157 Год назад

Sitting Shiva is awesome am a black woman raised in a Christian household I worked for a Jewish company and when my son died coworkers visited for the 7 days After the third day my grandmother was like thank God that's done people will stop coming over I knew someone would come for the full seven days and they did and it was a great anchor for my grieving and distracted mind

@ah5721 10 месяцев назад

It's a wonderful tradition. Im sorry , your grandma sounds heartless!

@carlao7157 10 месяцев назад

@ah5721 everyone grieves differently and she wanted silence and alone time Someone in and and out for 7 days was a comfort to me but they weren't even people my grandmother knew

@jonipitcher7185 Год назад

This is honestly my WORST nightmare. Bless you for sharing your story.

@adamhlj 11 месяцев назад

Janae and Grant were in my ward when they met. They were such a fun couple. No one should have to go through losing a spouse, but I can't wait to listen to this series to see what she has to say.

@BrigitteDiessl Год назад

I lost my husband to a massive stroke when he was 43. I was 37 and my kids were 2 and almost 9. I had to make the decision to turn his life support off. He was locked in (could only move his eyes) but it took 3 days for the hospital to give him an MRI so what went from being a minor stroke he would recover fully from to the choice of having a husband who would need 24 hour care to having no husband at all. The stroke was in his brain stem. Fortunately he could understand his situation and made sure I could understand that he didn't want to live. I made the doctor who had told my daughter her Daddy was going to be ok, tell her he was not going to get better.That was in August 2006. This is so tough for you, Janae. I get it. I cried for the first few days then went into a tunnel for about 18 months. Luckily for me, my parents lived around the corner and helped me out so much.

@sedonarose7563 Год назад

Oh my goodness! That was so kind of your husband… and you!! To let him go. I work in healthcare and see families hold on and hold in and hold on. It’s so hard to see people lingering between life and death. Grateful you’re still here with us! *hugs*

@BrigitteDiessl Год назад

@@sedonarose7563 thanks! I knew it was the right thing to do for him but his Dad was kicking off, which I get, but at the same time, he didn’t live anywhere near us and it wasn’t going to affect his everyday life so Jeff making it clear he wanted to go made it easier for me to push to make the best decision. He was a young, fit, vital man. Had he lived on, he would have become a very angry, bitter man. There is never an ideal outcome but this was best!

@deborahbarry8458 Год назад

Bless you for having the courage to fulfil his wishes.

@jenfnp 10 месяцев назад

Coming from a non Mormon background, I am continuously amazed at how much magical thinking/ magical signs are related from your guests. I think this is uniquely Mormon. I don’t see this from other religions.

@WindsofChange 10 месяцев назад

Right, it is encouraged by the believers and the church because you have to have a high level to even begin to accept the belief's of that church.....they are really out there and wild.

@helenh20mo 9 месяцев назад

As an LDS woman. What are these magical things you speak of? Lol

@annaandre9131 9 месяцев назад

@@helenh20moHaving God or other deities "speak" to you by observing "signs". That's magical thinking, like reading tee leafs to predict the future or a kid having imaginary friends (it's developmentally normal for young kids). If you are a mormon then you wouldn't understand because your magical thinking is integrated in your thought process.

@CarolineJoyAmico 9 месяцев назад

Jehovah’s Witnesses do VERY similarly. I sure did. I’m out now. But I saw miracles everywhere.

@WindsofChange 9 месяцев назад

@@CarolineJoyAmico Miracles ARE everywhere if you are open to recognizing them. That is somewhat different than magical thinking.

@aaronjackson4965 Год назад

As a culture we know how to help initially with families losing a spouse but we fall short of providing the ongoing support for the living and surviving members. Came home from mission and not even two weeks stake president is asking me to be EQP! Father passed before I finished my mission and I had not overcome the shock yet. What an open story. Thank you for sharing, loss is hard to experience let alone talk about and find voice to it.

@sedonarose7563 Год назад

That’s so hard to lose a parent… I can’t even imagine. I hope you feel his love in your heart and your memories and in the beauty of the world. Thank you for sharing. 💕🥰❤️

@ew5301 Год назад

I’ve been married for 24 years. We have a 17 and 19 year old. In those 24 years we’ve had 2 times in which we lived separately for 3-6 months each time. They were glorious moments of our marriage where we both were able to reconnect to ourselves and to our children on a different level. We lived apart due to job commitments and moving states not because we necessarily wanted to live apart. However I look back fondly on those times. When people hear me describe those moments as soulful they think I’m crazy. I on the other hand think that every marriage needs that at least once.

@jessedewell Год назад

Absence truly does make the heart grow fonder but additionally, I agree that sometimes couples need to experience a lil bit of what it is like not to have each other and get a taste of what life will be like if they can't figure out how to make things work....

@timothyrflynn Год назад

When my 2 kids heard their Mom died they had unexpected responses as well. My 5 year old asked if she could have Momma's special cookies now? My 10 year old son asked "how can we survive with only one parent." They both eventually found their grief in their own ways.

@sedonarose7563 Год назад

😢😢😢🌷💕

@emilyflotilla931 Год назад

I'm sorry for your family's loss. 😢

@cclark1638 10 месяцев назад

A five year old lives in the moment. The ten year old can already think about reality. This is such a hard journey for each member of your family I m sorry

@valentinat3250 Год назад

Great interview, thank you. In the Jewish tradition, Shiva is “sat” from after the funeral until the next Sabbath. As a RC, I sat Shiva for my Jewish husband. It was incredibly supportive, being surrounded by friends, family and coworkers. It made the unbearable, bearable for that period of time. For us, it was more of a celebration of his life and relationships. Definitely better than the traditional Christian traditions when you are left alone after the funeral.

@bevman77 Год назад

I met Grant at a conference. He was so kind, was so sad when I saw what happened. So glad to see you on Mormon stories!!!

@LfourK Год назад

I am so impressed with Margy's ability to pinpoint driving emotions or motivations in another's journey. I compliment her empathy and really feel awe for her calm wisdom. Thank you Margy, my own manner can benefit from learning to incorporate these traits into my own interactions with others.

@DMills-un1tl 9 месяцев назад

The ONLY person in this interview that exhibited any empathy. This wife is completely lacking in any real emotion throughout this entire interview.

@happylove7095 6 месяцев назад

@@DMills-un1tlhow are you so sure? This is SO Judgmental of you

@Valerie-co8th 5 месяцев назад

@@DMills-un1tlI don't think she was at all. I think that she's so emotionally damaged from this event that she's in a state of survival. If she breaks who's going to take care of her family? If she breaks she might not be able to put the pieces back together. I can relate to that deeply. I've suffered a TON of loss in my life and I am this way also. People think I don't care and have no emotions. That's not true at all though, I deeply feel things.

@GC2024_ Год назад

The day my husband died i didnt cry right away i was actually the calm one of the family, i didnt break until the next morning laying on our bed i turned over and realized it was reality, im a widow this is not how i envisoned my life im 53 yrs old , WTF dude ?!?! 🥺😭

@sedonarose7563 Год назад

It’s totally not fair! Hang in there ❤❤❤❤

@Marenlauder1 Год назад

I’m 62 and a month ago, after three years of dating, found someone who adores me. (And he’s 48)🤩 It is possible to overcome those feelings of not being good enough. The last few months have been amazing for healing and realizing that I’m not what the LDS church told me I was.

@juliemecham9046 Год назад

I didn't have the proper emotions when my husband passed, until no one was around. The accepting of the new normal is so tough. I hear her when she says she didn't know if she could breathe. I would have loved to crawl into bed for a month, but had bills to pay and a young boy to raise, there was no room for grief. And, since he wasn't a member, people at church were very little help with the grief processing.

@madelinecooney21 Год назад

Hey this doesn’t relate to this video but can you please have Christine Brown from sister wives on your podcast? I think she would have an extremely interesting perspective to share on how her Mormon faith has evolved ever since leaving polygamy. I know that most Mormons don’t believe in polygamy anymore

@suziepeluso6067 Год назад

This would be AMAZING!!!!!!

@jonistimpson7878 Год назад

She grew up in the Apostolic United Brethren which is very different than growing up in the mainstream LDS church. I agree it would be interesting though!

@amygreen758 Год назад

Mormons actually do believe in polygamy, and plan to practice it in the next life. They do polygamous marriage sealings in the temple, to prepare for it.

@GC2024_ Год назад

And sadly, they lie about Polygamy being a part of the church when it's alive and thriving in the Mormon church!!

@davidfoust9767 Год назад

That would be super interesting. Not sure if she'd want to come on this type of show though.

@-Khepri Год назад

I loved Grant as a kid. I still will always remember discovering the RU-vid channel and my 13 year old self would attempt to make everything he did. My favorite was the teenage mutant ninja turtle ooze. I'm 24 currently and like to think I'm doing okay in life and I STILL think about those days and how much they meant to me. Thank you for being a strong woman and continuing to push forward you are an inspiration to me.

@MoonlightCircus Год назад

Speaking of what to do when someone is grieving: One of my dear friends lost her husband at the age of 60. He went from being healthy to dropping dead of a stroke. One of the men from her church, not a close a friend but someone she'd served with and knew, really wanted to do something, so he bout a rotisserie chicken and showed up at her house the next day, knocked on the door, and when she opened it just held up a grocery bag awkwardly and blurted out, "I brought you a chicken!" She said she just cracked up laughing, and then he started laughing, and it was one of the most helpful things anyone did for her in the immediate days after her loss. Just showing up really is one of the best things someone can do.

@caseytalksjesus Год назад

The way Janae handled this situation is so admirable. The beauty, grace and compassion she held while dealing with such tragedy is something I pray I can have if I’m ever in a similar situation.

@barbaral743 4 месяца назад

My dad was terminally ill and we got the call on the middle of the night. I'd been at the hospital every day and was exhausted. I made a conscious decision to not process the news and went back to sleep; I wasn't ready for my world to change at that moment.

@Valeriamtzp Год назад

This is the first time I see Grant's wife, I didn't even knew her name, TKOR was the first science channel I subscribed to when I saw the "How to make a Batarang like The Dark Knight" video, I learned a lot from it and left me with more curiosity than i had before, I stopped watching after Grant left the videos, It wasn't the same without his voice 😢. Props to her for being able to keep the channel alive and growing on top of being a mother of 4 after Grant passed. My respect ❤

@r1kk3rs Год назад

Wow. Thank you for sharing so much with us. What a tough subject that’s so impossible to imagine accurately without having experienced it.

@tawnyachristensen7310 Год назад

Great interview, can't wait for part two.

@annedodgson8677 Год назад

This is a great healing human experience…so much in life we keep the healing growth we REALLY need private…I nursed my dear husband 7 years with hydrocephalus induce by Parkinson’s Disease,,,there were tears. The early year…but then the work and heartache began…the loneliness as so many withdrew from us…even family could only help in their comfortable spaces…it’s 18 years…never cried for even at his passing … cried my heart out when I lost poodles at times …but the hospice helpers said when I asked why I have not cried…”your mourning was completed in the duration of his long passing…3 years in Hospice…total 7 in a wheelchair…

@nataliella97 Год назад

whenever janae writes her memoirs, I'm gonna be the first in line to make that library request! it's a really rare combination for someone to have both that endless curiousity AND the drive to make it happen. totally threw me for a loop for the full jessica mitford turn near the end, but it really feels like a perfect summary of the way in which she seeks out different ways of thinking this whole time. again just very impressive, I hope to someday have her discipline.

@Lopeys2446 Год назад

I grew up in their neighborhood, crazy to see her here now ❤❤

@jenkaiser613 Год назад

This was my FIRST shelf item, 10 years before my shelf broke! My husband was almost killed early in our relationship in a motorcycle accident and it occurred to me that I could be a 20 year old widow without any prospects to marry another Mormon man because I wouldn't be able to be sealed again.

@ArtyWeb23 Год назад

Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your story! Our stories are parallel and I relate.

@bryanp.1864 Год назад

Thank you for your 2 Episodes of sharing today. I was deeply moved and relate so much to your journey being raised Mormon and the pain/ anguish that came from that. My story is different but yet similar in so many ways. Much admiration for your courage and strength to walk away from such hurtful damaging teachings.

@julienelson8162 Год назад

I married at 29 because I was 29, single, and living in SLC. It lasted 2-1/2 years, which was 2-1/2 years too long. I married again (for the right reasons) and 42 years later, I we’re still together. No longer active, but have learned so much . . .

@thezuney7725 Год назад

I know its been a min. Since your husband passing me and my friends celebrate your husbands life. 🎉living life to the fulest.❤

@harneyhike Год назад

I so appreciate Janae's emotional honesty in this video. This is a courageous interview. Also, Margie is the absolute most fantastic co-host, and my favorites are the videos when John and Margie host together.

@DMills-un1tl 9 месяцев назад

“Emotional honesty”? Are we watching the same interview? Yes, she told her truth but with a complete lack of emotion concerning EVERYthing. This isn’t “bravery” it’s either denial or narcissism.

@happylove7095 6 месяцев назад

@@DMills-un1tlwow many comments from you. I wish you heal because you attacked this family & judge them without knowing her. Will pray for you.

@happylove7095 6 месяцев назад

@@DMills-un1tlDid you go through this? If you did you would understand. Everyone is different. I would say work on that part of you that makes really big judgments.

@amyfu2047 Год назад

I remember watching TKOR the first year or two it was out. It was the first RU-vid channel I ever watched!! When I found out Grant died, I cried. He was an incredible man. You could tell just from the videos. My deepest condolences to you for your loss. Thank you for sharing your story.

@user-gn2hs1io7w Год назад

Thank you so much for this podcast. I loved the interview so much that it might be one of my favorite from Mormon Stories. I’m also a widow and the advice was so spot on. You have to learn to live your life for yourself and make your own decisions.

@janenejones2036 Год назад

Wow. Just wow. Another podcast where I have learned so much. Thank you. ❤

@yvonnetitus8620 Год назад

Janael is an excellent interview.

@krislarabee7902 Год назад

What an inspiring person!Such an amazing light in this world! Thanks for sharing! Excited for part two!

@mormonstories Год назад

Glad you enjoyed it!

@dianethulin1700 Год назад

You are so strong and I am so glad you seem to follow your instincts My sons father died when he was young too and I had forgotten that I had to tell him These years later we still deal with that loss. I want to suggest to always accept help and to take as much time as you need to heal. Sending love! ❤️

@margaretanderson2489 Год назад

Thankyou for going there. That’s exactly how I felt when my husband died and you have children to cater to. Let’s not wake up so we don’t have to deal with this. Cuddles and touch is such a loss. It is nice to still feel they are around in spirit but is not a consolation.

@slippy720 Год назад

Man I used to do her husbands hair and he was such a chill guy. I really feel for her losing her husband especially in such a crazy way. I'm glad she's doing well and thriving.

@YellowSparksJoy 10 месяцев назад

Im not even done listening to this intwrview yet but this is one of, if not the beat thing i have ever listened to (or watched or read) regarding life in general. Such honest open conversation about almost every area of life and how we navigate through it all. Ive also learnt alot about the Mormon community and for a non-mormon living around many mormons, its so insightful. Thank you!

@kimandgreg4404 11 месяцев назад

I completely get not feeling the loss. I tend to shut down during trauma and deal with in later. When my dad had a heart attack while traveling, I was beside his side As soon as I could get there. I was stoic as I sat in ICU. I didn't break down until everyone else was OK. I admit that wasn't the most healthy way to deal with it, but it was all I could do.

@WindsofChange 10 месяцев назад

It's a plenty healthy way. That is how I and my mom and other members of our family are. WE are the ones that hold together and see to what needs to be done in the immidiate while others are freaking out and being useless. About the time that they quit freaking out and come to their senses it is about our time to tap out to do our own freakout. We hold things together in the crisis and only fall apart after everything has been dealt with and the situation allows for that. We are badly needed during a crisis. There's nothing wrong with you.

@laraemitchell9064 Год назад

I’m a little late in watching this one, but it is so poignant and done with such grace. 😢. I was touched by this story and commiserate so much with losing close loved ones. I am a former LDS member who lived a good portion of my life in SLC and other parts of Utah. I have lost many close family members and friends and have lots of experience with grief. Starting with my own mother when I was 6 (car accident in which I was present and witnessed with full lifetime memory of the event). It never stops impacting and informing your life. One thing in this story that made me catch my breath a little is the date of Janae’s loss. July 29, 2019. Same night my beloved soul mate passed. He was in SLC. Sending love, hugs, condolences. 💔😢

@Flintlock1776 Год назад

Going through life, constantly on edge, wondering if you are "worthy" or not and hoping a bishop finds you so for your own affirmation. That's a sad way to live and one I reject in total. I hope people find a way to emancipate themselves from this cultish nonsense.

@paulamortensen36 Месяц назад

We’re not expected to be perfect in this life

@Flintlock1776 Месяц назад

@@paulamortensen36 No one thinks that. The LDS expects you to be "worthy" though. Their love and acceptance are conditional on you being so and they dictate the qualification standard. I will not go through life like that and will not impose it on others because it is abusive and evil.

@jessicaxx172 Год назад

One of my favorite episodes. I loved hearing from this guest and I love Margy’s thoughtful questions and commentary ❤️

@DMRJ53 Год назад

She’s so well spoken .

@CottonWoodBlues 11 месяцев назад

I am actually subscribed to TKOR channel.found this channel a few years back..sorry for your lose..and I can only imagine trying to tell the kids..thank you for this video.

@tcov22 Год назад

Great interview. Margi is such a great addition, her empathy reminds me so much of my Mom. Thanks Janae for talking so candidly about your journey. I hadn’t seen the channel before, but I saw Tucker Gott’s video reviewing what happened in the accident. Paragliding looks amazing, but it is a dangerous sport.

@MandysGrayPaper 9 месяцев назад

What a powerful interview. Thank you so much for sharing your story and your married life.

@sandeehigby1284 Год назад

Love this video, thank each one of you for your input. Praying for all of you, this is so so powerful, I can feel the Lord’s presence in the telling of the story. ❤️🙏

@eriktimothyyoungbergharrin945 Год назад

I lost my husband almost 3 years ago and listen to you help me so much because I felt like I was really numb I had people around me but. I was like you said like somebody was holding me in their hand and it still difficult. But I'm getting through my day today. I had to give up my apartment cause I could no longer afford it. We were together for twenty five years and it wasn't all good but I loved him he loved me and I go on❤

@sedonarose7563 Год назад

🌷🌷🥰🥰🥰 keep going on. The world needs you. Thank you for sharing your strength.

@valentinat3250 Год назад

I am so sorry. I am also a widow and I understand how terribly difficult it is.💔

@barbaramurphy3829 11 месяцев назад

@dicooop Год назад

That was the best interview EVER!

@Ralph-cc9xy Год назад

Another fantastic video! Love this channel!

@ar4122 Год назад

Talk about honesty...you are massively honest.

@johnwiggill17 Год назад

Janae... so impressed with your story. I loved the honesty of your relationship.

@nmikloiche Год назад

Emotions are an odd thing. I never did react to bad or sad news in a “normal” way. I’ve thought a lot about this and here is what I’ve learned. So, my career depends on my ability to really suspend my emotions and focus 100% on finding a solution. I didn’t learn that though. I thought of myself as having a bit of a super power - where nothing could shake me - and if there was a way out of the mess, I knew I would work to find it. I might have to call in other experts, so I’m not saying I alone could solve anything. I just was confident that I wouldn’t get burdened with emotion and that my steady focus would not fail me. As I’ve grown older I’ve recognized that this “super power” isn’t just active in work situations. I carry it with me in all life. This can be very good - like if I’m in a car accident, or something breaks down, or a kid falls and breaks an arm. I’m cool headed and I look for best solutions. I’ve found though that this isn’t so much a super power as it is a carry over from my childhood, as I was raised in a chaotic and abusive home with parents who had issues with substance abuse. But it has served me well, but I’ve paid a bit of a price because I’ve found that years of putting emotion to the side has caught up to me and now I’m fatigued. This means that I can not or choose not to deal with anything that upsets me. Because I don’t know how to manage feeling upset. It’s very odd. And it’s caused some relationships to suffer and I avoid a lot of things now.

@shannonigans_ Год назад

so, csa survivor here. wanted to say, part of us not getting help with adrenaline is that we are always in fight or flight feeling like we’re in danger. So we do self destructive things or dangerousish things to try to put all of that adrenaline somewhere. i’m so sorry for this persons loss. maybe that insight could help someone else.

@onlyinthewoodedlake Год назад

I remember one TKOR video in which Grant said something about his OCD kicking in and then I started to notice how detailed he was in all of his videos and projects and now, hearing Janae describe them interviewing other couples and him wanting to date for three years, I see that same level of attention to detail that made me a fan of the RU-vid channel

@ew5301 Год назад

The oldest son knew just like you knew he had died. He has your intuition

@marilynadams349 Год назад

A sad but so impactful of sudden death in a young family.

@aircastlearchitect Год назад

So happy to hear from Janae. My son worshipped King of Random - and I always thought he must have a very supportive family behind him. Courageous woman. Thank you for sharing your journey with us!

@vedagower-my5wy 9 месяцев назад

I can relate to you through an unwanted divorce that is unexpected. It was so much like experiencing death of a spouse. Your whole support group changes with picking sides. I could go on and on. I felt like I was going to die. Thank you for sharing your story.

@bonnielee123. Год назад

Wow, this one hits hard. I lost my dad when I was 17 and felt so many of the exact same feelings, of "I can't cry, I have to take care of my younger brothers and mom". Just the shock of the whole situation made me respond with complete calm, instead of breaking down (which came later). The first time I saw temple clothes was on my dead dad (and I agree, they make bodies look just awful, to the point it doesn't even look like the same person). It was quite jarring. I often find myself planning for "what I'll do when my husband dies young," since it occurred during such a formative time in my life. I didnt have a mom who was able to take care of me, instead I ended up having to take care of her through it all, and I find myself planning what I'd do differently for my kids, so they wouldn't have so much trauma to deal with later on. Thank you for sharing your story, and I'm so sorry for all of the unexpected life altering events you've had to work through.

@dorothymilne1258 Год назад

I think the way you told your children that their dad wasn’t coming home was exactly right. Thank you for this very moving and tragic story Janae.

@RealRickCox Год назад

Janae is a smart, strong and courageous woman. And she's my neighbor. Hearing her story at this level was really eye opening. Although her story was long, I really felt like I walked a mile in her shoes. I've never been a member of the church. So many of the points raised in this interview are reasons I couldn't see myself being a part of that organization. I have nothing but love and respect for my neighbors and friends that are LDS and I really appreciate a lot of the values instilled in kids.

@user-ot2jb4wv7x Год назад

I just do not see any connection of this to the Church. He was para gliding, skydiving and kiting "everyday" and a gust of wind took him out. I have no idea how this turned into 6 hours of talking about the LDS Church?

@RealRickCox Год назад

@@user-ot2jb4wv7x did you watch or listen to her journey? If you did - you’d have your answer.

@lj9524 Год назад

Janae shared her experiences with integrity and love. She is a strong, articulate and insightful child of God. I am so sorry her husband died. I pray she is happy and at peace in her days to come. Thank you all for your video!❤️

@sedonarose7563 Год назад

❤❤❤❤

@peachybrains4560 Год назад

Oh dang that got me a little teary eyed

@terrirogers7837 9 месяцев назад

Thank you for this interesting discussion,. I lost a husband through divorce who later killed himself. I understand the loss as it felt like I was floating in space yet tethered to the energy of God as I understand them to be.

@lindaacevedo1104 Год назад

I am not a Mormon, I lived in Brigham City, Utah for one summer, and the suicide of a young man (18) the week he told his family that he was gay. The ability to cast out as dead a child who was telling the truth about himself. When I left Utah I gladly helped two teenagers who were desperate to leave but had no resources. I gave them a ride out of the state.

@capo5005 Год назад

My sincere wish is we can dig deep as a culture and learn true empathy around -- not just death-- but ANY 'non ideal situation' be it family, death, life situation... beyond these INCREDIBLY overly simplistic (and often invalidating and even dehumanizing) trite doctrinal phrases. Yeah, that's great you believe I'll see them again--but what me as a human needs more than future assurance (that really serves to make YOU feel better than really helping me) is CURRENT love, understanding, connection, healthy grieving and remembering and support. Please let's STOP substituting thin beliefs for genuine sustenance.

@barbarasmith2130 Год назад

So true. My marriage ended at 32. So now it’s been forty years of missing out on exactly what you talk about - love , understanding, connection - and I’m supposed to be reassured that it will be made up to me in a next life. Told I had to marry within the church. No possibility of LDS re-marriage in my area. So virtually sentenced to single life without any chance of children. Men outside church did not marry, at least not before a relationship. Pretty tough for me and single women. Marginalized for sure. Ended up with long term depression. Now I ask people NEVER to say “You’ll have (love/family/children) in the next life.” Yeah, sure, if you make it to some highest level of heaven! Sorry but that is so not helpful and such a remote possibility anyway. We have to live NOW! But everything in church meetings, classes, etc. drives home the messages I’ve absorbed. Pretty sad.

@rehabilitacionencasa 11 месяцев назад

I love the three of you. Thank you so much. Very interesting episode

@AWAKE561 Год назад

We are one!!!!! None is better than the other. WE ARE ONE

@grittylilfremont745 Год назад

Your story is very intriguing to hear, and I can relate because I lost my daredevil husband last Memorial Day to a hang gliding crash.

@VoiceAndPianoByChristaFord Год назад

So sorry to hear! How are you holding up?

@astralclub5964 Год назад

As a man I would have never risked the well being of my family to pursue such a dangerous sport as powered gliding. As a single guy I did some sky diving. But I was single, no one depended on me. Grant flying hundreds of feet in the air powered with a lawn mower engine! Freak air currents and a thousand other things can and will go wrong. And this guy left 4 kids and a Mormon wife. Pure selfishness! I’m sorry he had demons. That what therapy is for. Or perhaps a gym membership.

@harlic8501 Год назад

I liked this interview!

@sanachristian4577 Год назад

My grandma is sealed to two husbands. Interesting story how this came to pass.

@helenh20mo 9 месяцев назад

How did that happen lol

@paulamortensen36 Месяц назад

Your grandmother was married the second time for time only

@jenniferwalters8155 2 месяца назад

Thank you for sharing this! You are an inspiration.

@amstergal Год назад

One of the best if not the best interview I've ever watched - and what a beautiful and inspiring woman Janae is.

@JudyCZ Месяц назад

I've been watching Mormon stories for a while now and even have a Mormon friend and yet it always baffles me when I hear that waiting a year before getting married is considered long. I'm about to get married after 9 years (which to be fair I wouldn't have minded for it to happen sooner). Can't imagine feeling like I know someone enough after a few months.

@scottbrandon6244 Год назад

The comment about thinking "who am I going to have sex with now?" is normal. I have heard it from other LDS widows who had a regular sex life with their now deceased husbands. I also remember a group of women at a social gathering talking about missing date nights or movie nights with their husbands. That was one part of widowhood they were not expecting. One woman even spoke in church of her experience at a luncheon with other close friends who also had lost their husbands. The central message was to have compassion for new widows since they have lost an eternal companion and their life will change forever.

@ChickenStamps Год назад

My brother died very unexpectedly 11 days after his wedding. He married my best friend of 30+ years. I remember her raging one evening and mentioning sex. She said “There are things we haven’t done yet!” As a widow at 47, she was thinking about her sex life in the future.

@scottbrandon6244 Год назад

@@ChickenStampsI guess that would be a normal reaction. I know one woman whose husband died on their honeymoon. He drowned swimming in the ocean. It was the undertow that got him. They had only been sealed for five days.

@ChickenStamps Год назад

@@scottbrandon6244 so tragic!

@user-ot2jb4wv7x Год назад

It was interesting that she said on the day he died that she thought many times that he was fine, and would be home soon, and then when they told her she thought he was in the hospital, then she said that she knew all along that he was dead. Her thoughts after that were really interesting, I married a "Mormon guy so he wouldn't die" (even though he is paragliding twice a day) and then next who will I have sex with? The first stage of grief is denial and that is what she experienced.

@psingerman4778 Год назад

Sitting shiva , as I understand it, involves the community supporting the closest relatives. They are expected to sit together and grieve; they are not expected to do chores, cook, clean, etc.

@Geoplanetjane Год назад

Sitting shiva is like several days running in which family sits together and is there for visitors, other family members, more distant relatives, friends, etc. come to visit and talk with whomever else is there. Some modest refreshments are usually there. Hours are held several days in a row.

@thelastgoonie6555 Год назад

Born in '82 too...grew up in Missouri AND Illinois and my experience was exactly the same Janae--ZERO mention of Joseph Smith's polygamy. Polygamy was a Brigham Young thing. We had youth conferences and temple trips all over the church history sites. Never heard Joseph Smith was polygamous until I got to BYU and even then, it was always taught that it was just sealings--not real marriages. THEN the Gospel Topics Essays come out a decade after BYU and that was the last straw.

@sarahbrome5564 Год назад

I understand so much of what she is talking about. I was waiting for my sister (husband and kids) to show up for dinner at the Spaghetti Factory in Seattle. We were going to meet at 4:30. By 10pm I knew they were dead (car crash). I went into total shock, after a brief period of screaming and hitting my head on the wall. The shock lasted for about a month.

@letahamilton Год назад

I’m so sorry.

@sarahbrome5564 Год назад

@@letahamilton thank you 😊

@Geoplanetjane Год назад

So sorry, Sarah.

@CCGem Год назад

I am so sorry.

@dadsarepeopletoo3785 Год назад

I have been to the Spaghetti Factory in Seattle several times. So very sorry for your loss.

@gabdesj410 Год назад

Loved this interview. I love the way Margie thoughtfully and expertly listens and leads conversation. She’s an inspiring conversationalist and such an important addition to this podcast. Thank you!

@Roobah Год назад

Congratulations on your new family! Having diverse work skills is a good thing. Hair and Homes go together.

@sedg83 Год назад

Missionary questionnaire asks about eating disorders and then isn't jazzed if you have had one? They're not going to give you enough money to feed yourself during the mission, but hey... Only WE can starve you; YOU can't starve you 🤦 that's nuts. Checking yes to that should be like "Oh great👍 that's useful experience that will aid you on your mission!" (I mean based on every missionary story I've heard: you're going to be half starved)

@tediehudson872 8 месяцев назад

excellent interview and prospective 👍👍😊

@genxis6097 Год назад

In case anyone is wondering about the song Janae referenced, it's called Closing Time by Semisonic.

@genxis6097 Год назад

Time stamp 3:18:20

@dianethulin1700 Год назад

I’m so intrigued that you spent extended time in Nauvoo. I am planning on going there with my TBM sister. Our family home is still there on Mulholland. I think with the reformed church there you could find the church history you want to; faith affirming or not

@roccosims 2 месяца назад

This was profound. Thank you

@rjbullen8932 Год назад

Fabulous interview. And very helpful for me as I lost a spouse. This is my favorite Mormon stories podcast so far

@emomo7146 10 месяцев назад

Atheist here....incredible conversation Off to hear Part 2

@sherra-sama Год назад

I'll be completely honest, I see so many comments saying she handled her husband's death with peace and grace and beautifully etc... I don't see it. I know everyone grieves differently, and I have no right at all to say Janae is doing it wrong or right. I just feel like there's so much pain underneath the surface she's refusing to feel. I'm fairly certain of this, because I have been doing that myself over my father's death over the last 30 years. I didn't cry at his funeral, it comes out in bits and spurts and I think maybe if/when I surpass his age (coming up sooner than I wish) it will be another one of those outlets. I just hope she can find the strength to actually process and feel what she needs to feel at some point. Holding it in for too long can really mess someone's head up, and as the child of a mother in her situation, I hope she is allowing that for her children as well. For me, it just became one of those things we don't talk about, and I'm not going to get into all the implications of that, but she did mention that exact phrase earlier on...Please talk about it with your children if and when they need it. I wish the best for all of you.