Men's dating DOUBLE-BIND: how to flip the script 

Due to certain social and cultural expectations, men find themselves in a unique double-bind in the sexual marketplace. On the one hand, men are expected to approach and initiate. If a man takes no action, then generally nothing happens. However, on the other hand, the act of approaching and initiating makes them less attractive than they otherwise would be, reducing their chances of success. Men are more attractive if they don't pursue -- but if they don't pursue (at least in the beginning) nothing happens. Int his episode, I discuss how to break out of this conundrum. Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-WrXBzQ2HDEQ.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ru-vid.com/show-UCSduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXwjoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #relationship

One thing men must always remember is that you can never negotiate desire. No matter how high up a woman acts, there’s some guy out there that she’ll instantly fold for. If you see yourself having to jump through hoops and doing the most, then you’re not the one bro and keep it pushin. From experience, a woman who desires you will reciprocate instantly and the whole process will be fun and smooth. And you’ll know when she sees you as that guy or not, so there’s no excuses.💯

Orion, can you do an episode addressing long term relationships with women? I worry that if a woman is only loyal to her emotions and emotions will change at some point, what level of emotional and verbal commitment is appropriate. I’ve thought about this and see no reason that a man should truly be invested in a relationship that can end on her emotional whim.

looking back, every time ive ever had any success with a woman, its been her opening the gate for me to just walk through

"Women are loyal to their emotions" and those emotions are as stable as the wind.

One of my most gratifying experiences was exactly 40 years ago as a college boy. A girl I was attracted to simply refused. No "I can't right now, too busy," or whatever standard excuses they use. I knew exactly where I stood and I didn't bother her again. Somehow they imagine they're "letting him down easy" by not being direct. Nuts on the standard "the worst that can happen is she'll say no." A direct "no" is one of the better things that can happen.

That explains why musicians attract women. Their music captures their emotions. Rock guitarists also add masculinity to the mix.

I remember ONE woman I've dated in my life who asked me out first, and then she paid for the date without ever bringing it up. I almost cried tears of joy when she bought me that ice cream 🤣

rejection is fine .... it's the false accusations, social media dog piles, and the drama ridden allegations and false pretenses that every man of intelligence understands it is simply not worth the pursuit / effort / energy / money / time

Keep doing your work Orion. You have no idea how much you help people in their lives.

What's the best way to get rich? To be born into wealth. What's the best way to attract women? To already have women.

Another great video. Something I really appreciate is how Dr. Taraban not only clearly states the issue, but that he also provides a clear solution.

This is accurately true. I once dated a girl that told me she liked guys who did not like her. furthermore, she also said that most men she has met are not confident and never take initiative. But this caused her to be endlessly single and date men that end up not liking her and walking away.

Always remember fellas, 99% of these modern women are my name.

Approaching is like sex. Women don't enjoy going directly to sex. They enjoy the foreplay just as much. Same with approaching. Women like the flirty leadup to the approach more than the actual approach. This can mean locking eyes for an extra second or 2, smiling/ smirking, her witnessing you demonstrating attractive behavior such as making a group laugh (preferably other women), etc. During this approach foreplay she will also give you signs of how receptive she'll be to your approach by holding the eye contact back, smiling back, etc. That's a womens way of giving you the green light to make the approach.

For some reason , I did this instinctively . I'm glad someone is able to put it in words in such an easy an eloquent way. This content is gold

The solution is to effectively adopt the woman's dating strategy. A woman doesn't give us what we want but shows it to us. This is to get us to approach. And so the solution is to almost act like you're approaching, but instead of adoring (giving her what she wants) you show her what she wants and force the approach onto her.

This video drops the day I ended a 2 year relationship

You are only in a weaker position if your perspective is that you are adoring the woman or that you’re chasing her instead of giving the woman an opportunity by approaching her. For example an artist who wants to sign to a major label would get APPROACHED by the label. The label is in a position of power to give that artist and opportunity to change their life. You are using the example of giving your resume. This means you see yourself in the lower position than the woman. Be careful how you view yourself

This is essentially what I do. I just build myself up to be the best version of myself, and wait and see which girls choose me, then decide whether or not to engage with them. I feel that women who have a burning desire for you will make a huge effort to get your attention and will invest in you ASAP, which is crucial for attraction.

And this is why having a good sense of humor is important. I mean it's important in life in general but especially when dealing with women.

A few months ago I watched a video from Orion and he asked what is masculinity in one sentence? No one has been able to answer that question without writing volumes of text. Then he offered this definition, masculinity is having balls and a backbone. This changed my life. Its so powerful, be brave, dont worry about offending people or disappointing people, do what is right for you (and your family), and when the push back comes, the crying and wailing, stand firm. Try it, you'll be amazed how things turn around. I've been doing this for months now so its just habit, I dont think about it, and almost all life decisions now are the best they could have been. Thank you, Orion.

00:02 Men must bear disproportionate rejection in courtship. 01:16 Men approaching women puts them in a pursuer role. 02:31 Pursuing a woman can make a man less attractive 03:43 Approaching in dating creates a double-bind for men. 04:48 Approaching doesn't make people more attractive, it makes them less attractive. 05:47 Recruiters can flip the script by drumming up interest and motivation in cold calls. 07:05 Flipping the script in dating 08:23 Stimulate a woman's interest through emotional engagement.

What i learned too. Dont let a Woman Approach you just dont... the 3 times that happened to me and then i led to the next level later i found out they were having CLEAR issues (bitterness, low self steem, manipulative behavior, etc.) If they Approach you, its cool that someone likes you or at least pretend to do so 👍 ...however you dont have to reciprocate that energy since youre not choosing the person you want. Filtering women is hard but it will save you headaches.

Thank God I met my wife when I traveled to Asia. The western courtship is so exhausting. Keep up the great work, Dr.!

In the first half, u addressed the most basic fundamental problem of dating and relationships, really nice clarity in explanation! Now plz continue this video next time answering the question in the end - about engaging a woman emotionally.... Love from Mumbai, India! 🇮🇳❤️

Man, clear and sound arguments, this should be taught to every young man out there

That's so cool to formulate this in words. When I started my relationships at age of 18. I was always running for girls and trying to be their world. Was nice for a while, but those relationships ended and left me heartbroken. Now in my last relationships I have a case when I was not sure If I really like that girl so all the time I am keeping emotional distance. And turns out she is like glue to me. trying to be closer to me, saying that she loves me etc. This is really eye opener.

All this goes out the window if a guy is sufficiently attractive.

Orion, this episode is just brilliant. Thank you so much. This is exactly the way it makes sense and how it certainly works out best in the end. Personally, I made the experience, that it is such a game changer to be the adored one and not the adorer. To implement this concept directly into the way to approach women is a phantastic idea.

Fascinating way of looking at the difficult begining phase and initiation of dating. Really liked this! Keep it up!

I love listening to this man you learn so much whenever he speaks

This is a fantastic summation of your past videos on flipping the script on dating, and entering the role of the adored. Personally this really cleared some stuff up for me. This is an awesome big picture video on dating for men

No matter what the problem is women nowadays have way toooo many choices especially because of online dating and social media, etc...

Good general advice. I'll probably still only apply this to women that show interest in my art because I'm not big into manipulating strangers.

Psychology is such a fascinating thing, and this guy has this special ability to convey this fact with incredible skill.

Loving the constant uploads. Please keep it up. Much love

Amazing content, thanks!

Any way you cut it, men have a lot of work to do to cultivate some interest in you. First you need to summons up the courage to approach a woman to initiate a conversation. Secondly you need to be able peek her interest emotionally and then back off. Third, timing important that she would time to listen to you. Fourth, approaching a woman can result in an unpleasant experience. If your not someone she finds desirable it's all for not.

Seldom have I ever heard someone analogize anything so well, let alone the topic of relationships. Excellent work.

If you approach dating as a recruiter, you’ll still face a lot of rejection because people don’t trust you. If you want success in dating, the best way is to build a larger network of friends, male and female, who can vouch for you as a decent guy. It’s a way of showing what you offer while not having to be quite as direct. It also lets you feel things out without having to be direct.

Its a sales presentation. Customers say no with logic, and yes with emotions. Any salesman will tell you that. Unfortunately, im a bad salesman

Thanks Doctor, I have studied Gregory Bateson who originally came up with the term double bind and as a man came to this conclusion in relation to the dynamic in courting. Believe it or not. I’m a professional recruiter and while I don’t have a lot of trouble courting I found this fascinating! More please!

Has to be the best red pill conversation from start to end I've heard ever. Explained it far better than those "gurus". 👍

Thanks, Orion, this is by far the most helpful episode to me, thanks a lot 👍👍

I disagree from a man's POV with men liking women who like them less. You can say that for women, especially modern day women who like to play games. If a productive man is talking to a woman he finds attractive, her being flaking and uninterested is NOT a turn on. Again for women yes for most men no.

The problem for me is that I just can't put on a show for a girl I know nothing about. A recruiter is at least familiar with a person's resume and therefore has some idea of how much they want to pursue them.

I've been watching your videos for a while, and it's quite amazing how a lot of the things you mention seem to have come to me quite intuitively in all my relationships and hearing a psychologist actually say this is the way to go makes me feel quite proud of myself! But my approach was built from the MBTI structure of navigating relationships and, paired with my natural sense about people and general interest in human psychology, I've been able to kinda figure a lot of this out subconsciously. It's crazy how many times I find myself laughing at something you said because of how it resonates with how I've been navigating my own relationships without realising that that's what I've been doing all along and that's why I've been successful with my current relationship. 😅

Waiting for that future episode that's the follow-up! Knocked it out of the park Dr Orion!!

Thank you so much for this video. This is addressing one of the biggest gaps I’ve seen in dating advice that other “gurus” seem to struggle addressing.

Did he just put me in a double bind because now I'm waiting for the follow up video

This is the best video of yours that I have seen so far!

I love this channel and really appreciate Orion's male perspective; I find it refreshing and enlightening. I'm a woman and I personally find it extremely difficult to generate any interest in a man who does not pursue me. It doesn't have to be over the top, but I am more attracted to men who take the lead, initiate, pursue me, and are open about their interest in me.

You're doing the Lord's work, my man

This was one of your more intriguing videos, as a man please tell us more! It feels awkward to be the adored seeing most of my life I’ve been the adorer… Can you elaborate how to deal with this awkwardness, kind of feel like a duck out of water?

I love how you break it down Doc....

Awesome topic. I had a sense that approaching puts someone in the ‘adorer’ role.

Probably the best analysis i have ever heard. Cant wait for the next episode on how to do this!

A woman will 1000% pursue if she's interested. If you as a man have to be the pursuer, you've already lost and she's already showing you she's largely not interested in you.

You are criminally good. Just spectacular to learn.

Look even though I have been learning these things 6 months now and i have already pulled a good one but still you surprise me with each new topic you make

Great video, great explanation, Dr. Orion. Your level of knowledge and way how easily You explain those relationship related issues are amazing. Currently 80% of women go after top 20% of men. So 80% of men go after 20% of women. Not healthy situation for both genders.

The ONLY way for men to FLIP the situation is by NOT wanting women in the first place. You MUST go to a place where women actually WANT and NEED men for more than financial gain. Pick and choose wisely.

Yes. Men making the approach “tips his hand”, that offer reveals his feelings, it reveals information. Which is why men should not approach a woman that has not signaled interest in him. And before you say “but if we did that we’d never get someone, it’s already so difficult and rare now!” No. As a salesperson do you want 198,835,486 crappy leads? Or do you want a few warmed up leads that are already looking for your product? Example: I have never heard of anyone getting a cold call from a car salesman. But if you go to a car lot you will be swarmed by them. If a woman doesn’t signal interest in you, go lift weights and make money, ignore her.

Right on the money Orion. Love your content.

1/ If women were able to change social and cultural expectations with 1st and 2nd wave of feminism then we as men should be able to do the same. How should the new expectations look? No idea. But the current state is full of double standards and highly unequal in favor of women. Why play a game that is stacked against you? 2/ I have no qualms about initiating and approaching but I need for the woman to show interest (looking does not count) first so I know it's mutual. Otherwise it's just a waste of my time akin to lottery.

Emotional loyalty is an oxymoron. Just like emotional intelligence. I'm starting to think women just attach "emotional" to things of actual value to pretend they have any.

I could not have seen this video at a better time!

Great, great content. Just what we needed 👌🏽

How you are interested without showing her you are interested? This is madness. Better not to have a woman and avoid all the confusion

exhausting

Kind of a topic everybody were waiting for !

Thanks! I needed this 60 years ago...

First to get here I think I'm becoming a fanboy

Well done, Dr. Taraban! This was a great example of a valid mindset in approaching the ladies... Would it be appropriate to request a video on the importance of healthy testosterone levels in pursuit of our goals?

The only way to beat this catch 22 is to turn the table around and use reverse psychology on women. Make yourself as attractive as possible and only make passive advances. As the good Dr said, Show them your value (never tell them, discovery always trumps disclosure).

Good advise. Also, there’s another way to solve this: pursue women like a “bad boy”: You’re secure enough to unapologetically show your desires but not in a creepy, needy, or pushy way. You are just showing what you want but you are outcome free, you almost don’t care about the result, you are just conveying who you are and what you want. If women like it, good, if not, good. It’s hard to accomplish this level of confidence, but women love it. In this way, they actually like being the adored, because they are also the adorer. Hope this makes sense.

Love this content. Makes it easier to see the boys from the grown men. Keep them coming 🙂

Please do a video on the female equivalent of this. Both perspectives are helpful.

Brilliant! Looking forward to the follow up to this.

Definitely will try this. Thank you Dr Taraban

if a man takes action... he is Me-Too-ed OUT OF EXISTENCE!!!

I confessed my feelings to a classmate like a month ago, I was friendzoned by her and from that point onwards her behavior towards me has been totally different, I almost feel like she sees me as someone inferior, although she swears that's totally unconscious. Now I really think differently about all that topic, next time I'll keep my mouth closed and just let her guess my feelings towards her.

Amen! Looking forward to the next one.

This is so eye-opening!

Then what is the point?

please make a video defining the differences between the terms exclusivity and monogamy and can two people agree to sexual exclusivity and or sexual monogamy and not call themselves in a relationship ( avoidant male fears label of relationship but seems to behave monogamously

Gracias por tu trabajo Orion, me ha ayudado mucho

Just being attractive solves a lot of this double-blind problem.

I live my life like women do not exist now. I just live alone peaceful and go about my business. A woman would have to talk to me in the supermarket or something...

With every video you release it just makes me realize how utterly hopeless my situation is.

God, I love you my man. Was just talking about this the other day, and poof! Always on time

Always enjoy your topics and solutions.

Women can't take rejection of any sort.

As a woman, I like men who initiate and take on masculine traits of leading a relationship. I like to know that they like me through their actions or verbally; I rather not be confused on where they stand with me.

Great insights and interpretation, Dr.

Just what i was thinking about lately. Thank you so much for your sharing !!!

What does engage them emotionally mean??

You be that clever mf man

This was brilliant, please keep it up with these. Thanks,