Midweek with Dr. C- Holding Onto Your Resolve With A Narcissist

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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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24 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 175

@user-ov4wr5yu4r 28 дней назад

"Someone has to be Chairman of the Pain Reduction Committee, and that person is me."

@koma4050 27 дней назад

Gaslighting is when they don’t want to talk about theirs actions, only your reactions.

@bereal6590 25 дней назад

That's a good point,never thought of it like that👍

@AnnMarie-py5cy 28 дней назад

I was such a scapegoat or narcissistic supply to my mother and her family. They kept me from jobs and schools. And when I did confront they played the helpless victim. Many years later and far away I feel shock and sickness when I remember. this cruel behavior. I see it now for how.awful it was. At the time I tried to see some humanity in these people. Videos like yours, have given me so much light and hope. I was able to hang on to my resolve. The best justice you can have is becoming your own person, and moving away from them

@evelynwells-rk1ed 28 дней назад

Kind of reminds me of of a Kennedy relative that was forced to have a lobotomy, who would do that to someone!

@garssympa500 28 дней назад

Dr. Les Carter is an angel. He came into my life a couple of days after I decided to leave a 25-year narcissistic, toxic friendship. I am working on rebuilding my self-esteem.

@Mr8t0 27 дней назад

I second your assessment & was blessed to find his healthy wisdom to live with my disordered spouse of 38 years.

@amandaliverpool3374 28 дней назад

I think we were all shouting at the screen, 'Hi Doc' 😂👋👋👋👋

@SewDiva5691 28 дней назад

Hi @Amanda sis! And @Stu🙋‍♀️🙋‍♀️ Just a little update on my mum. She’s eating more (better appetite) and having a little more mobility. I really miss our DRC team healthy fam on the live chat today. All your well wishes for my mum IS Greatly appreciated!!Take care Amanda Sis and Stu!🤗🥹🥰🙏🙏

@t_nels 28 дней назад

@@SewDiva5691That's great.

@amandaliverpool3374 28 дней назад

@SewDiva5691 Ah, thanks for your note, sis. I'm glad your mum has improved. It's been a worry for you. I've told Stu you've been in touch. Your mum is very lucky to have you. Keep in touch. I'm always here 🙏❤️🫂🌸🥰

@sturobertson6791 28 дней назад

@SewDiva5691 Hi Sew. I'm glad for you and your mum, it sounds a bit more positive if she's eating more and having a bit more mobility. May I ask, are you getting any extra help from the health care system? I got to a point where I realised I couldn't do all that was needed for my mum on my own, and now she's getting 3 visits a day from the "re ablement team" and regular visits from the "Hospital at Home" service. They trained me to put pain patches on! I just spoke with Amanda on the phone, and she said you'd very kindly included us both in your message. Amanda has met my parents, and I am blessed with her kindness too! She has crocheted a blanket for each of them and a "twiddle muff" for my mum to keep her hands occupied and mobile. You're doing a great job for your mum, tho I'm sure it's not easy. It's a privilige to be with you here on TH Sew. Amanda and I both appreciate your kindness, and we often talk and think about you and the rest of the TH gang when we see each other. Healing thoughts for your mum, Sew, and for you too. Take care Stu, and (on behalf of) Amanda🙏🫂

@INCYTER 28 дней назад

Hi Doc! ❤

@knowthynarc 28 дней назад

I grew up in a toxic family, I never even knew I had anxiety and depression until I moved away from them and experienced peace of mind for the first time in my life. It's amazing what we accept as normal until we wake up and finally get to experience what is actually real!

@DJH97 28 дней назад

That is so true. You become immune to abuse so don’t know any other kind of life.

@koma4050 27 дней назад

I concur.

@malwads1836 28 дней назад

I love how we're 👀 Dr.C getting ready for this video at the start...I can imagine a wildlife documentary narrator describing what he's doing🤗.It's nice to 👀 that good old Dr.C puts on his 👖 1 leg at a time too just like the rest of us, it's a reminder that we're all human ultimately & that we all can do good things like him too🌞👍🏻👍🏻.

@michaelgoldberg7403 28 дней назад

Pedestals are for fixxed statues made of stone. Our Dr. Is made of stronger stuff.

@BaraSchmidt 28 дней назад

Strong sense of self. It's a requirement for solid resolve during a relationship with them. Then is essential for staying out of it when you leave. Just know you are not alone! Remember - you will always be too much, or not enough, for them! RESOLVE: I will be my authentic self, unapologetically me! Be Well, Be Blessed, y'all!!

@michaelgoldberg7403 28 дней назад

Yes, the end reward from all the pain of growth is true authentic sense of self. Being.

@jeanetteredden24 28 дней назад

Well said, Barbara

@phyllisdevonish859 28 дней назад

He’s just like Some of us who walk around with glasses on our heads looking for glasses!

@brucefriedman1 28 дней назад

Narcissists attempt to demean and subjugate those whom they perceive to be vulnerable. The warning signs are apparent to those who have developed themselves. For those who probably to no fault of their own did not or could not develop themselves, the process of standing up to narcissists takes years of self-development.

@user-yj7xw8on2t 27 дней назад

I agree

@CROSS-Examine 28 дней назад

Pain is not only a strong motivator but an effective teacher. I used to have a high tolerance for toxicity before I healed. I never stopped to heal myself and reflect before going on to the next relationship. I kept choosing "different packaging" thinking my type was an outward thing, but the "contents" were always the same. I took a break, looked within, owned my choices, and reevaluated my goals and desires. I created non-negotiables, which were my boundaries to protect myself and what I knew I deserved. I worked on myself. And by the time I began dating my husband, I was able to see clearly and move slowly. It was the best thing I ever did for myself. Had I done so earlier, I would've saved myself a world of pain and suffering. Now, I have no tolerance for toxicity, manipulation, etc., and have a happy, healthy, blessed, almost 9-year marriage (11 years total together). This has helped me with my other relationships, too.

@bonnieromick9397 28 дней назад

Thank you.

@CROSS-Examine 27 дней назад

@@bonnieromick9397 You're welcome.🤗

@user-yj7xw8on2t 27 дней назад

Thank-you for saying this. I'm going through a divorce because of narcissistic abuse and I'm working on myself, too, and see several points you have said sounds just like me. I hope I will find a similar grace that you have and also tolerate toxicity a lot less.

@CROSS-Examine 27 дней назад

@user-yj7xw8on2t You are welcome.🙂 My faith in the LORD really helped strengthen me in that season of my life as well. As long as you do like I did, you will see a difference. "To get what you never had, you have to do what you never did." I took a break from dating as well for almost a year. I had to be comfortable with being with myself and getting to know who I was apart from a man. I took trips by myself, pursued my passions/hobbies, and whenever my heart began to get lonely and desire male companionship, I would literally tell it to be calm and to wait until the right time. I read Michelle Mckinney Hammond books and prepared myself for a healthy man. I, too, had to be healthy if I wanted a man who was healthy. If you take care of yourself, preparing yourself to be the "right woman," eventually you will find the "right man." I always say, "Never shop when you are hungry, because you'll end up with a bunch of junk you don't need but won't be able to discern due to an overgrown desire." Be whole, and you'll find whole. You can do this! Keep your eyes on the "prize" your "goal" whenever the "thief" comes along disguised as a "right now, guy." You'll see that now you will be able to spot them where you could not before. Take care of you.

@andreacook6000 28 дней назад

Love you Les!! Thank you for being here! Thank you for your time.

@SurvivingNarcissism 27 дней назад

Thanks, Andrea. Love received, with gratitude.

@lauraburrispink 28 дней назад

5 years ago, as a single full time mom of an Autistic 4 year old child, I had a TBI and spinal cord injury from a car accident. It changed my body to a stress intolerance. Literally. I physically can't handle toxic environments any more. Conditions were getting worse and worse of narc abuse by my parents and older sister (I'm in my 40s). I was forced to protect my psychological well-being and go no contact. I literally became emotionally and physically unavailable to tolerate any more crap.

@bereal6590 25 дней назад

Similar to what happened to me, a medical procedure gone wrong affecting my nervous system badly. I can't tolerate the fam physically now makes me ill. It's how I woke to how ill mentally and emotionally it had already made me. I'd just been denying it because I wasn't blaming them I was blaming myself. I'm low contact. Being ill around narcissistic people is abysmal, they're a sickness in and of themselves ✌️

@hilarysimpson3725 27 дней назад

A big benefit of detaching from a narcissist is becoming immune to disapproval.

@mscatnipper2359 28 дней назад

This is a favorite quote of mine that speaks to Dr. C's comment about when someone finally leaves a toxic relationship: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ” ~ Anaïs Nin

@SurvivingNarcissism 28 дней назад

Great quote.

@koma4050 27 дней назад

Wow that is beautiful. ☘️🦋

@user-yj7xw8on2t 27 дней назад

I love this quote. It's the first time I've heard this.

@dnk4559 28 дней назад

Dr. Les Carter, I’m so thankful for your channel!

@SurvivingNarcissism 28 дней назад

You are very welcome

@cherylnathanodette 28 дней назад

Thanks Dr. C pass me that whittling stick so I can toss it in a bin, I honestly cannot believe the unhealthy tactics some will stoop to, to get their fix. It truly boggles my mind how they have the time and inclination to bother other people. Stay strong and healthy good folk. ❤

@helenebezencon8906 28 дней назад

I like what you say about pain and listening to your pain. How much pain do you have to feel before you go from the narcissist. Thank you !

@helenebezencon8906 27 дней назад

@@koma4050 My best wishes of courage and kindness with yourself for the work ahead ! It took me a long time too and, yes, as DR C says, it took one day when the pain was one time too many. Please take good care of yourself !

@helenebezencon8906 27 дней назад

@@koma4050 My best wishes of courage and kindness to yourself while you do the work which is still ahead ! It took me a very long time too but one day the pain had just been one time too many. Surely I still have work to do as well. Please take good care of yourself !

@ionacarpenter6553 28 дней назад

Dr. Lester, you don't have to explain the beginning of the show. I do this almost EVERY DAY! 😉 I'm 60 too, and sometimes it's infuriating.

@koma4050 27 дней назад

I work with a bunch of twenty year olds and I feel soooo old at times as my vision and memory aren’t what they used to be. But we must soldier on. 🦋

@julienatoli8561 28 дней назад

Hi Dr C .. yeah I saw you in the very beginning of this video and thought .. Ooh my! 🤭😂Dr C doesn't realize the camera is on him! That's okay .. makes me love ya all the more!! .. it's you sharing your humanity ❣️ great content here .. I soo agree that the narc fears being irrelevant! .. and that as we heal, the absolutely greatest thing we can do is become successful IN peace, successful in authentic love and joy. God has so much more for us than to be an angry version of "them." Letting our pain motivate us is 100% correct ... it's like what voice are you listening to and believing? ... God? .. or those lies that you're damaged goods ? I say be still and KNOW that He is God and follow that peaceful voice ONLY!! 🙌🕊️💞

@SurvivingNarcissism 28 дней назад

Micaela is my admin and this is me driving her crazy!

@INCYTER 28 дней назад

Good job, Julien!

@DJH97 28 дней назад

My ex narc told me I had to be like him and his family. I had to take all their rudeness and insults (as well as my kids has to as well) and keep our mouths shut and just smile. I’m so glad after 30 years I escaped.

@roxymovie3938 28 дней назад

Dr Carter, you really made my day.😂😂😂 It was like "hidden camera" (in our country we have such a tv show). I enjoyed you feeling unrecognized. And I am glad you could also laugh about it!!! It was very personal and also very human...

@NancyBrown1975 27 дней назад

I love the rule I have made for myself for when a narcissist acts like a narcissist. Think objectively and not subjectively. It helps every time.

@aaronkwolfe 28 дней назад

Chat was VERY busy today, but worth it.

@mscatnipper2359 28 дней назад

In addition to the point Dr. C made that we will leave a toxic relationship once the pain reaches an unbearable/unacceptable level, I think we should also examine whether and how we may be trauma bonded, and work on healing that.

@phyllisdevonish859 27 дней назад

Doc… explain Trauma Bonding? Through much Individual and Group Therapy I’ve realized its effect on me….I have PTSD because of that relationship, even though I’ve been out of it for years. I’ve gone Complete No Contact … only way to have Peace and Quiet and do What I like!!

@phyllisdevonish859 28 дней назад

What kept me in that Awful Place? Economy is a part of it. Brain Washing: not allowed to sleep, kept isolated.. kept being put down… being told “I don’t Remember That”… being Stalked when I did manage to get away so that I gave up. Culture has a lot to do with it .. Church People act as if Divorce is The. Worst Thing. Sometimes people say “ What happens at hone stays at home. Sometimes (which sounds Weird) but you actually “get used to it” because you Predict Unpredictable…and Change is Scary… even when it’s for Good.

@phyllisdevonish859 28 дней назад

Dr Romanini had a series on Proverbs… The Straw that Broke the Camel’s Back… it wasn’t that last straw… it was all the straws beneath…

@t_nels 28 дней назад

Congratulations, your resolve paid off. I really wish I could hear some how stories.

@phyllisdevonish859 27 дней назад

@@t_nels for me… Sometimes it was Minute by Minute.. S L O W L Y turned into years… individual Counseling as well as Group Suppirt.

@t_nels 27 дней назад

@@phyllisdevonish859 🫂

@t_nels 27 дней назад

@@AS-zq5cs I got it now, sorry, it's been a long day.

@stevecaswell 28 дней назад

Having a dad that had NPD was quite a challenge. I first had to heal from the affects of being raised by an NPD dad and gain emotional strength. I also studied personalities and disorders. I did this to actually work on me and then later realized more about my dad. Then I learned to deal with him. I basically told him I would not be around if he continued to humiliate me. I was on his land once camping and told him I am packing up and going home after he humiliated me to my brother in law. As I'm sure you know they like to exploit those they think are weak. Well, he quickly learned that I was no longer the little boy he could do as he wanted to. Yet I still respected him.. I saw the child in him emerge and he asked if I would come back because he liked having me there. I told him I would have to think on it and it would depend on his behavior and attitude toward me. It was at that point that he finally began listening to me.

@koma4050 27 дней назад

Thanks for sharing. Your story brought tears to my eyes. Unfortunately my dad is beyond help. He’s 87 and has gotten worse with age, meaning nastier. Glad you were able to make some progress.

@notagain779 27 дней назад

@stevecaswell, A psychologist once said to me, "Some parents will persist in seeing you as a child no matter your age - until you show them the back of your head." So, your father "gets it". ! 👍🙂

@dianedeclare8541 28 дней назад

They tend to be know-it-all chatter-Boxes doing monologs. Also, they do pretentious flattery. Using polite platitudes to get your attention and then they proceed to their monolog.

@michelepascoe6068 27 дней назад

The reason I couldn't leave my abusive mother even though I was afraid of her and she did me much harm, was ignorance. I did not know I could leave her and still be a decent person because loyalty, integrity, love and forgiveness are important to me. I didn't know she was harming me on purpose (thought she misunderstood). I didn't know about psychological and emotional abuse and since there was no physically abusive behaviour, I didn't know that the relationship was actually abusive. I thought it was just troubled and I didn't know why, when I tried so hard, I was rejected all the more. I learned about narcissistic abuse and parental alienation, and healthy personal boundaries, in my fifties.

@julieytuarte6557 27 дней назад

Struggling so hard, after I saw your narc or sociopath video I realized that I am in fact the target of a sociopath. I want so badly to let all the flying monkeys(itching to come after me as well) the type of person they are cheering on. The situation has been amping up as of late. Its a big giant mess of lies and sadistic behavior that is unfathomable. I am aware of so much truth I could really wake some people up. The aware part of me just keeps repeating-not my responsibility!!!! Its just become more difficult as the attack is also involving on my dad. Im just trying to remember to breathe and let it go. But its so hard….❤❤❤

@t_nels 28 дней назад

I am glad you kept it authentic. 😉🌹🙃

@JJ-zv2vc 27 дней назад

i was sitting at a nice family dinner at a get together and suddenly in the middle if an amicable upbeat conversation the narc at the table made a comment about me speaking to me in front of everyone in such a way that they mentioned a physical defficiency but added a weak compliment... basically a back handed remark aimed at making me embarrassed. And I admit I somewhat was but I was determined to not allow that person to bring me down like other times. In the past my happiness was put out like a candle and I would withdraw and remain silent for the rest of all time. But I was fed up. Cus the narc continued to have a target practice with me. So I simply commented these are not subjects I care to touch and said, "lets talk about more positive things," immediately their face frowned as if about to cry but then looked confused. It was like watching a toddler being scolded. I realized that's how narcs are. They have an immature mentality and must be ignored or sometimes put in place respectfully so. BTW during the whole thing people became silent at the narc's odd off comments as if there was a weird vibe but my positive responses would being back the laughter and convo. Basically narcs are party poopers.

@redbullwiseman4805 28 дней назад

My parents were narsassistic con artists I still don’t know the truth of growing up Can’t remember many memories Only work work work Dads job was number one I barley was able to escape at age 27

@DiscipleofHim 25 дней назад

Let it go. Love is the ultimate winner and the stronger person.

@janinerudkins 23 дня назад

We love you so much Dr. Carter! Thank you for all you do! I listened to you before I married my narcissist in 2021 and while our three year anniversary is in just 2 days, I am currently separated and have filed for divorce...and I realize I shouldn't have ignored what you said then and my God-given gut instinct... the abuse was beyond what I want to share here. Thank God for freeing me of the prison I was in and thank God for you for the good work you do and the many lives you are helping along the way!!! Please pray for me... Thank you so much

@SurvivingNarcissism 23 дня назад

I wish I could give you a hug!

@janebraun4482 28 дней назад

Sadly at the end, my dear brother was 'disabled' and captive thus to the narc woman he stuck around for decades. He was eating and drinking away his health, just lost, ill and it happened, cardiac arrest, after she had 'argued' upon him about wearing his CPAP that made him more miserable. Then she waited a week to let us know the sad news, now won't talk to us.

@itm4173 28 дней назад

Dr. C, I was absolutely tickled by your unexpected display of humanity today. You handled it with your 😊usual grace and sense of humor. I’m so glad you were able to regroup to offer up another wonderful Wednesday of questions and answers

@SurvivingNarcissism 28 дней назад

I need a 15 year old tech kid to be my stage manager!!!

@AlwaysStampinVideos 27 дней назад

Just now getting to listen, DrC. I’m at the part where the gal asked about leaving her boyfriend and you mentioned the pain hadn’t gotten strong enough. For me personally, i actually BELIEVED I was not ALLOWED to leave regardless of whether the pain was bad enough or not. I didn’t leave the relationship because I honestly believed God didn’t allow it. My faith didn’t allow it. My family didn’t allow it. And society didn’t allow it. For society to allow it, he would have had to physically hit me and hit me somewhere where it showed so that society could see it to believe it. Obviously, I don’t believe those things now and it took me a very long time to realize God and the church is not the same. It also took me a long time to realize my faith is between me and God, not me and the church. I stopped letting other people decide what I was or was not allowed to do and started allowing myself to learn more about what I myself would allow- from others as well as from and for myself. It wasn’t the pain that had to get worse for me. It was the constraints others put on me and the constraints I put on myself based on what others expected of me. I lost ALL of my friends. My family (other than my two kids) won’t speak to me. But at least I am free from the pain of a man who mentally, emotionally, and physically abuses me and people treating me poorly.

@SurvivingNarcissism 27 дней назад

Your story is echoed by so many. I’m so pleased you are getting beyond it. See you soon!!

@phyllisdevonish859 27 дней назад

Oh Bother!!! Don’t get me started with Church People!! Keep your Heart on Jesus

@phyllisdevonish859 27 дней назад

Another Scripture: Love your Lord God with All your Soul, Heart and Might … and your neighbor as yourself… closer Neighbor than those we live with?? (Never let Reality get you Confused)

@everymomentisagift 27 дней назад

Dear Dr. Carter, your videos and books have saved my life. I worked so hard to be the good sister in law and was bullied along the way. All the resolve I tried took its toll. So I decided to set a no contact boundry. My parents were big empaths. However, bless their hearts. They allowed people to walk all over them. They didn't understand why people could be mean or inconsiderate. Recently, I have been finding that I get a funny feeling in my stomach almost like a feel creeper out/grossed out during a conversation. It's a sign, I think that 🤔 this a warning for me to trust my gut going forward and not be fooled, especially by covert types. Thank you again, Dr. Carter.

@SurvivingNarcissism 27 дней назад

So pleased for you! Thanks for sharing this.

@elainesmith5313 24 дня назад

I resolved within myself a long long time ago that he did not have the character nor the integrity yo be a decent person. Such a shame, that a person would rather live a double life and juggle the lies nott only to me but to himself. I knew deep down inside that over time he would eventually self destruct. And he did! Thanks Dr. C.

@elzechristinedun6387 27 дней назад

Dr. C, today I feel so fragile and shaky. Last night I had a very bad nightmare about my passed relationship with the narc. I have been out now for a year, after almost 5 years on and off. The nightmare brought me back to all the abuse: emotional, spiritual and intellectual abuse. For almost a month I felt quite strong and balanced again. And this nightmare shook me so deep. I know that these things happen to all of us survivors. Do you know how long it takes that the nightmares will stop? I process it now while I wash windows, cleaning the house, walking the dogs and that feel very soothing. Love your videos. Greetings to team healthy.

@phyllisdevonish859 27 дней назад

Talk to your Doctor… Could be PTSD… meds help me.

@elcee7800 27 дней назад

I’m on antidepressants for a few yrs and always have nightmares, or very intense dreams. Side effect.

@TattedChristian 28 дней назад

There is no one like u Dr. C 😍😆u r the BEST😍💗🙏🫶🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🥰😃🤗!

@SurvivingNarcissism 28 дней назад

Thank you.

@zeynebdevres 28 дней назад

Thank You so much Dr. Les Carter you are a continuous support in keeping my sanity and having my individual peaceful life while living with a rude, crude, vulgar person who shows aggression and rage even at a slightest suggestion to correct their wrongdoing. I continue to be connected to my inner self and enjoy life alone or with friends. You have shown and continue to guide me in the right direction. I need to listen to you continuously just like taking a daily vitamin otherwise I feel hurt! You are my guide and medicine next to my inner spiritual support. I’m grateful to You. 🙏🏼💖

@SurvivingNarcissism 27 дней назад

Thanks, Zeyneb, I'm glad to be your vitamin!

@zeynebdevres 27 дней назад

@@SurvivingNarcissism 🙏🏼💓💝💐

@patriciafry8634 28 дней назад

I am a senior now, but looking back, one set of feelings I have is guilt that as the oldest of four I didn’t do more to help my sister who was being scapegoated. (I did help here and there financially, but did not interject enough about how she was being undermined. She did get away via her third marriage.)

@MisssAnthrope49 28 дней назад

Angry with myself: I made a complaint against Narc Boss, process issue, to my program supe and it totally turned into a folly that backfired. They are clueless to her behaviors and always correct me like I am a clueless dope, always supporting her. I am shocked that I am so deeply hurt. She has charmed them. I now know I cannot seek understanding in the program. I will never seek help there.

@user-qv9nw1dq2f 27 дней назад

Thank you so much dr Carter ❤😊 God bless you ❤

@jodimo 27 дней назад

God's word says to "hate what is bad", also, to " be angry but don't sin".

@t_nels 28 дней назад

I am still holding on to my resolve. I don't want to lose myself. I want to be reoriented.

@SurvivingNarcissism 28 дней назад

Good for you!!

@rosieE121 28 дней назад

For me, I didn’t understand the person didn't want to improve things because of all the projection. I had no knowledge of narcissistic abuse. But when adultery occurred I was extremely hurt and more significantly realized the commitment to improve didn't exist! That is when I fled. Support of understanding others was essential as well as a physical logistics capability or I would be trapped in danger and emotional dissolution.

@peggyerickson2549 28 дней назад

Team healthy thought u had laryngitis, since u didn’t talk right away. Happy u well Dr C

@h.almeida7601 28 дней назад

Hey Dr C thanks for the great and helpful content. Over two years ago I ended a 2.5 year relationship and have been quietly struggling ever since, wondering if my decision was correct. On the one hand she was warm, intelligent, fun and funny; on the other there was constant questioning/micromanaging/ need for reassurance; an anger if things weren’t done the way she wanted them done; big meltdowns and anger once the subject of breaking up was broached; if the relationship wasn’t progressing the way she thought it should be this could lead to her feeling rejected and going to a dark place, even after what I thought had been a nice weekend together. After I broke up she informed me that she had nearly done irreparable harm to herself and I could not do the same to another woman. She said breaking up with her was like harming a child ( she was 52 or so). I guess my question is why am I still torn up about it? Even to this day, I will see some emotional movie and get overcome with the horrible notion that I turned away someone who really loved me, and maybe I could have, should have, accepted and built on what we did have. Never been through anything like this before.

@malwads1836 28 дней назад

It takes a long time to heal from these people.... They're very skilled manipulators typically & normal folks just don't operate like them, it's like learning a foreign language that you've never even heard spoken before in my opinion.I was raised by 1 of these monsters & even for me, it took a little while to learn my father's demented language & pinpoint what he was doing.This education was a game changer for me🌞👍🏻.I know it's hard for a little while❤️‍🩹.

@Hatbox948 28 дней назад

It's a soul tie you need to break. Similar to a trauma bond.

@h.almeida7601 28 дней назад

@@Hatbox948 thanks for your reply. I’ve never heard of that but will look into it.

@michaelgoldberg7403 28 дней назад

Enmeshment I think is the term. They were the best of times and the worst of times. Are there issues of dependency and emotional maturity? Yes. Congratulations. You retained your humanity. Being truly aware is painful and you realize you're not perfect. Humility never killed anyone yet. Just "Be".

@INCYTER 28 дней назад

It is complicated and there are all sorts of things to untangle. Go with your instincts. Trust yourself. Nobody is all good or all bad... But bad enough is enough to break the connection. You may have been more codependent than you would want to think. The manipulation and invalidation of who you are and your preferences are real and not good. Trust your judgement. When they rage and go to your dark place when they don't get what they want. Mourning the relationship and the possibility of what could have been, what will never be, and the sorry state of the person you love is heart rending. Also to think they need to be rescued, but that it cannot happen because if who they are stubbornly insistent to continue to be. And so much more could be written. Keep learning It's the hardest thing I have ever done too. It's not what i expected. Keep going. You're not done learning and growing. Pray for them too. God is not done with any of us, but some jobs are above our pay grades. Peace and love and Grace to You❤

@LML350 10 дней назад

I also heard do not repay evil with good or a curse will be on your home.

@thinkingallowed1st 28 дней назад

When my mum died I didn't know who I was anymore because I'd always been here go to, her hero, the one who solved her problems. I felt lost. 10 years ago that was and I'm slowly learning who I am today at 45

@t_nels 28 дней назад

I can understand this, it worries me.

@INCYTER 28 дней назад

Good job! Keep going ❤ I'm older than you. This may restructure more than you expect. I've learned so much. Gotten so much stronger. Praise God!

@thinkingallowed1st 28 дней назад

@An-mei it is worrying and I didn't think I'd cope without her. I am and I can say I am grateful for the lessons now because I am stronger in myself. It is ok to have your feelings

@t_nels 28 дней назад

@@thinkingallowed1st It is my father who is dying. My mother is still living. I don't know what will happen after my father passes.

@thinkingallowed1st 28 дней назад

@An-mei second guessing what will happen and trying to prepare yourself is painfully exhausting. I validate you. They may never do. I've learnt to accept the apology I never ever got. My heart goes out to you

@sheilabest3652 27 дней назад

Dr. Carter, thanks for sound advice .

@SurvivingNarcissism 27 дней назад

Glad it was helpful!

@coffee100ful 28 дней назад

Could you feel all the love??

@desormais22 28 дней назад

This came at such a good time!!

@callonthemidwife1874 28 дней назад

Thankyou!

@coffee100ful 28 дней назад

Good session, thank you

@MrsAliKey 28 дней назад

Wonderful and informative info. Thank you

@amandagish5976 27 дней назад

If you have to ask, the answer is no. You're not a narcissist.

@schizorap 27 дней назад

Thanks Dr. C

@SurvivingNarcissism 27 дней назад

You're quite welcome!

@mariehayes8213 23 дня назад

Just love you doc You made me laugh with your introduction 😊

@bridgettetraveler658 27 дней назад

I had to pray for GOD'S help to leave my ex-husband who was a narcissist. He's dead now, but I still sometimes want to go to the nursing home where he died & publicly laugh & make fun of him. I know that's wrong, but I can't help my thoughts. I left him long before he died. Other ppl I think of doing horrible things to. I pray to stop thinking about them. I have a Steven King kind of mind. I won't do any of the things I think of because I'm a CHRISTIAN & it won't be pleasing to my GOD!!!

@bereal6590 25 дней назад

Thank you dr c. Liking the shirt👍✋

@SurvivingNarcissism 25 дней назад

Thanks!

@bereal6590 25 дней назад

@@SurvivingNarcissism looking smart Dr. C. You also sound more well 👍 have a great day

@b8akaratn 28 дней назад

23:39 imo i think it's OK to say, "I have reasons that make leaving so scary right now. So passively, i have made the choice to Not Leave." Then IMMEDIATELY go ahead and add to your well-hidden list of things you need to get in order to Get Out. Don't have that list yet? As long as you're alive, it's never too late to start one.

@aq5121 28 дней назад

It’s OK Dr C, all was very civil in the background 🤣

@SurvivingNarcissism 28 дней назад

Whew

@lfranc923 28 дней назад

Hi, how do I get unstuck from my narc husband ( 39 years) who keeps leaves me when my principles /inner core values on the promise I made before God and others and according to the Bible, " what God has joined together let no man separate?" I am a good person who has value and wants to be loved the right way and valued and cherished and loved. When I get ready to give up, here comes the promise and verses in the Bible. I don't want to go against God.

@warriormom5843 27 дней назад

YO from NYC, y’all 🍎😂🙋‍♀️

@jackthisout9480 28 дней назад

My covert narc father is using my older sister to probe me on where I stand towards him. He is abusing his control over her (financially) to abuse her for his own nasty objectives. I have a call with my sister tomorrow. I'm curious to see if I can make her see how he is abusing her for his own selfish purposes. I have gone 'no contact' with him for a few weeks now and it works very well for me. He can't stand it, so he's probably switching to the love bombing stage now. Not going to work; thanks to you I know too much!

@ds6258 27 дней назад

Why do narcs buy gifts for children and either require you to retrieve them or only allow them to use the gift at their home? In this situation, the great-grandmother (matriach narc) purchased matching mini recliners for child A (who lives with her and picked the pattern of chair) and Child B (my child, B's cousin). We were told ahead of time the gift was for use at her home and we wouldn't be able to bring it home. This wasn't a situation where it would be "safer" or better used there. Furthermore, Child A often got very expensive gifts like 4-wheelers, ATV's and golf carts while still under the age of 10. Child B rarely got anything outside of a few Dollar General toys, Child A's heavily used Hot Wheels 4-wheeler (that wouldn't hold a charge) and his Hot Wheels Jeep (that needed a new battery). This vile woman, to this day, insists she doesn't make differences between the great-grands, doesn't do more for Child B because they have both parents and that I "won't allow her to do more."

@bereal6590 25 дней назад

It's perplexing but it does display control and manipulation. Somewhere in their heads they think it's okay. My father would buy me stuff and once smashed my toy, another sold my bike, another raged at me for breaking a toy I'd not broken, another gave some of my pets away etc... they give these things but in their heads they're still THEIRS so they feel entitled to control the aituation. They're not really giving anything, they're manipulating the aituation the way they want to. For whatever reason they believe child a is more deserving than child b. It's not about the kids, it's about what's going on inside them. You could go crazy trying to work out why because in reality they don't know why. For sure they'll have some twisted reasoning but it's not the truth. They might recognise themselves in child a and want to reward them more or maybe child a appears more grateful to them. They don't look at THE WHY ✌

@kimjhanp 28 дней назад

Dr. C can we discuss alienation from family because of the narcissist crazy tactics and behaviors. My ex sued one of my relatives which caused conflict in my family. Which resulted in me and my daughter not being invited to family gatherings. After years of the nonsense, I’ve gotten tired of apologizing on his behalf as others view me as the culprit as well. I find that being a victim of narcissistic abuse also comes with the role of being the scapegoat when they act out. The narcissist scapegoats you and others do for being with the narcissist you take on their shame. .

@darinsmith2458 28 дней назад

1. Lost Resolve.. What is coming to mind is that after fishing for muskies a couple years and catching my biggest on an absolutely beautiful day I asked myself "Is this all there is?" They say there is a God sized hole..

@darinsmith2458 28 дней назад

2. Tell Them.. I just look at it as am I trying to save or cure or fix them? I have been told to accept others.. Why should I accept others when they reject me? Maybe it is accepting that they are a Narcissist and then rejecting their behavior?

@darinsmith2458 28 дней назад

3. Am I a Narcissist? I have a conversation with many fellow travelers about relapsing.. What I start questioning is the level of their awareness and the level of their denial.. There is a saying about peeling back the layers of the onion..

@darinsmith2458 28 дней назад

4. Is it evil to hate the Narcissist? I think the biggest Characteristic of a Narcissist is that they do not forgive.. They cannot let go of that anger.. God showed me that I might be angry at the Narcissist but I do not hate.. When that anger comes up I spend time with God.. That is how I deal with it..

@darinsmith2458 28 дней назад

5. Why can't I break away from them?.. I have asked myself this question or variations of this question.. For me this is getting to the root of it.. The questions I start asking myself are: How has being abandoned, rejected, and neglected affected me? How do I heal those wounds?

@darinsmith2458 28 дней назад

6. Drawn to kind and friendly people.. I would turn this around and say why am I drawn to angry and miserable people..

@shanaylie5264 25 дней назад

what do you mean when you say " sense of resolve"? also you are an angel sent to me i have noone and my therapist is now in another town and the past 5 yrs iv been slowly taken out by another man .i left my 23 yr abuse and ended up w this person not by choice. so ur my only saving grace. thank you

@gerritsen63 25 дней назад

Dr C. Can you talk about grief? Thankyou so much

@SurvivingNarcissism 25 дней назад

Here is a video on that topic. ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-9EFa2dNFR3g.html

@gerritsen63 24 дня назад

Thankyou so much ❤

@bobbissell2910 28 дней назад

Been on for 9 min

@glendacossey3591 28 дней назад

What should a grandparent do in a situation where the ex-husband of their daughter is a covert narcissist and has the granddaughter two days a week during which time the ex is sleeping until noon or two in the afternoon. The granddaughter is 9 years old and feels lonely and sad and bored waiting for her dad to wake up. This is during the summer break from school.

@blessed565 28 дней назад

We couldn't hear you the first 10min 😂

@winter-qd4yw 26 дней назад

Question: my ex is a narcissist. I believe my adult children (based on their treatment) believe whatever narrative my ex puts out. I am at an age that I have to look at putting my affairs in order and really struggling with these decisions based on how everyone views me. It is hell not having an easy answer on who I can count on with these matters. I decided to reach out to a sister and was trying to explain the difficulties. This is something that really matters to me. I was stopped in my tracks when she told me I was overthinking things as that comment was used by me ex. Is telling someone that they are overthinking very important decisions basically the same as telling a person g to hey are too sensitive? In other words - dismissed?

@caminator1 28 дней назад

👍

@skighvibez4474 22 дня назад

If I see now that my husband is being emotionally abused..because I recognize the abuse I endured throughout my childhood only his is more disguised behind a covert narcissists’ mirroring of empathy and withdrawing of love… is it ok for me to steal back his freedom from his mom and give it to him? Is it ok for me to fight on his behalf(encouraging him to take his space in order to develop himself as he wishes to be), or is that somehow wrong? I understand how I must look to everyone in the system who sees the abuse as normal, but only I am willing to detect how truly inauthentic everyone in the system is operating in fear of my covert narcissistic mother in law? Now that we’ve maintained our no contact, am I just as bad for encouraging him to stand his ground each time they reach out? That is what I’m sure they would encourage him to do were the roles reversed, and that is what his mother surely did attempt to do before he chose to marry me. Am I bullying the bully, or am I rescuing the victim?

@skighvibez4474 22 дня назад

I was so confused when I couldn’t justify the feeling of being abused by someone “so kind” as her that I first learned of the word narcissism after googling “why does my mother in law compliment me and insult me at the same time” 🥲 my mother was much more direct with her tactics I saw it miles away. My previous healing work didn’t stand a chance in this new system.