Mistletoe Integrated 

I can see mistletoe in your manirisims and physique. I can see her with you.

I already deleted the comment in question, but if you're thinking of insulting Mistletoe and calling her foul names on this or any video, close the window and go reevaluate yourself. -Wyn

It's scary to think about Mistletoe trying to convince you to end your life... I've only watched a few videos but she seemed very kind and motherly

Everybody needs to watch your videos. You are not scary, your headmates are valid, your feelings are valid. *People need to be educated and fight the stigma* ❤️

You can really tell she intergraded. You have bits of her mannerisms now. I’m really sad for you. But i know you can get through this. We’re all here for you

Integration is an emotional rollercoaster for the host as well as all of the alters. I am happy you are all holding up well however. I hope the littles are doing okay. I had a friend who had his altars integrate as well, through a process of 2 years. The integration was very painful for him, due to his trauma. He had to take breaks as well, but in the long term it was better. You're stability will get better as time progresses and I hope the best for all of you

"A purely good existence isn't a real existence" woah

Coming from someone who doesn't have DID, the feelings you're describing sound a lot like losing a loved one, which I have experienced. I'm getting a lot of 5 stages of grief vibes. I'm not sure if this helps, but I thought I would share it.

im going to miss hearing from mistletoe on here but im really glad you are getting closer to your long term goals, sending you love! ❤️❤️

Wyn, I'm happy to hear you are one step closer to your goal of integration. I'm sure it was a shock to realize that Mistletoe was integrated when it wasnt a rightnowtoday kind of goal. Your therapist gave some great advice - take each day as it comes. The what if game is over rated & can cause way more stress none of you need. I think it's lovely that flowers bloomed all over the island. I wonder if you had somed potted plants or even vases of flowers in your home if that would help increase your mood since it would be a tangible reminder/tribute. I'm sending y'all so much love & happiness!

This is off-topic but your eyeliner is really pretty.

I can actually see and hear a difference like a mix of her and mistletoe. Very interesting to witness. I couldn't imagine being alone....I'm happy for you but I know what you mean you miss her.

I'm pretty far along in the integration process, yet I still relate to you on many levels today, especially with regards to the appearance of previously undiscovered alters after an integration. That's one of the most frustrating things, because it's very hard to know when it will end, and just makes my brain feel like a clown car stuffed full of alters. But it's gotten calmer and easier over time, and I've also been getting better at recognizing and managing the negative effects of integration, and with my sense of self becoming stronger I no longer miss former alters near as much as I used to (since I feel connected to those parts more deeply through stable integration), which I hope and trust that you will get better at as well.

Could the depression be grieving, because it's like a loss of person?

Very relatable with new alters and hidden alters. A while ago, 3 alters came forward and they said that they've been around for a long time and no one had any idea they existed. We were all in shock and even more in shock because one of the newer alters (Kyle) says "there's more out there and they will come one day" that's a bit nerve racking. Currently it's me (Oscar the host) and 14 alters and the thought of there being more alters coming is daunting to say the least. Anyways, thank you for the video and much love from all of us, we love seeing you and your system, especially in vlogs like the Nevada trip :D

The Entropy System, minus Wyn: Oh there may be room for Kim Kim now! Wyn: *excuse me who*

I achieved the first integration about 3 years ago. It came as a sudden surprise. It was extremely profound. Mine came after retraumatization. I had felt integration would more likely come with kindness and empathy that it came from a new trauma was not thought about. A therapist suggested my psyche had been yet again shattered and I somehow brought it back together and this was the result. There have been some large benefits of this though also some struggles. Biggest benefit is a sense of wholeness that is more than what was before. I miss sometimes the part of me that was on "the outside". My voice and some mannerisms have changed and it is strange getting used to it. It is highly unlikely anyone at all notices this change in myself. I wish I had another person that has achieved some integration to speak with. I have two more to go. It is my long term goal.

I started crying a bit hearing about the flowers on the island. Such a little beautiful detail that really hit me very hard. ❤️😔🌸

I find it really intriguing that you were unaware that Mistletoe had integrated - both of the other DID System Channels that I periodically watch have made videos describing the integrations in their systems, and of the three examples I remember watching they all knew that the integration had happened; they had a dream/memory of it in the headspace. It just goes to show how different these things can be between different alters and different systems.

Being a person with DID you have helped me feel so normal...so not as weird and odd and different from everybody. Not like I don't have an amazing support system as I do my friends and family are amazing at helping me through and my therapist is amazing but they never could fully understand when i switched or when an alter tried to explain our inner world...but you make me feel like I am understood and I'm not alone. Thank you so so so much for that.

The thought of integration scares me. I've become so attached to everyone...

- This one is a long read - Before I begin let me thank you for making this video. I know you mentioned you didn't know how you'd feel after making it, but let me tell you that you did some good sharing it. You can choose to remove it or not, but don't believe it was foolish in anyway. You helped us understand us even more. I'm happy you shared this video. I want to share my experience one day since I remember seeing an integration process. ==== ==== I remember when Miles integrated. This was back when we were a larger system. Now we're 4. I'm (speaking from Izaya's perspective) not sure if the others are still there. I only know of Izaya (me), Damien, Marc and Josh. There were more like Sinless, Jacob, Henry, Alistar, Devin, and The Twins (I miss The Twins SO much). Miles was the one who tried to have us commit suicide. The first attempt Marc saved us. He's the protector. Marc didn't know what was happening, but he trusted that it wasn't me (Izaya) or any of us trying. Damien knows a lot about the system. His nickname is The Reality Breaker. He shatters realities. So he's capable of perceiving outside his own existence. He knew about Miles. That is why the second attempt it was clear that it was Miles trying. Miles was nothing but pure sadness. Somewhat how you described I believe it was Mi? (the one who was stated in having nothing but the good memories). Miles had all the sad memories, which is why I never knew how to be sad. I just never experienced it really. Well when Miles integrated he told us he was leaving. We got to say our goodbye and I even remember watching the integration process. He was standing on a beach. Staring out into the ocean. I could feel him slowly de-materializing. I remember him looking back with his smile. He was no longer sorrowful for trying to commit self-harm because we had all forgiven him. He was able to leave. He didn't feel sad anymore which in turn stopped him from being him. He blinked, which blacked out the view I was having of him and that was that. I remember crying for about 30 minutes and Marc was suggesting that maybe that was the sadness Miles had in him that he held on to. Then I remembered how Miles never cried, not once. And with all that sadness I was feeling I learned what it felt like to be sad. And I thought about how Miles stayed strong through it all and I stopped crying. It was an experience. All good things come to an end. Me (Izaya), Damien, Marc and Josh will all one day integrate. I remember when I was younger than I was now (we're all the same age) maybe back around 2009 we would always be like "Quadruplets for life!!" Never did we think integration was something. But now we know our path in integration. Damien first, then Marc, then Josh. Then lastly me, Izaya. I'm an alter in the sense that we're 4 out of the whole. There is no original. Once I'm gone the original will only exist. It's scary for me because I felt like my life would go dark, but it won't. We'll be together forever. It just won't seem like it up front. I've assumed all the others have integrated with us. I remember Damien going through his integration process. He encompassed the entire reality of our mind and became "the space" of our mind instead of an alter that's there. Josh is going to become "the energy that fuels us" and Izaya, or I will become "the light inside of us". I don't know what Marc will become, but we'll no longer be alters. The original will be able to live his life as a whole and that's what makes us happy. We'll be quadruplets for life!! Integrated or not!! They're my brothers!! We're brothers and I love them!! I love all four of us!!

If it‘s any help to you - she shines through. I can see her in you now. I wish you all the strength you need to deal with the situation...

Oh Wyn and Entropy System, we are sitting here crying. For our system Integration is not a goal for us, the idea of losing one of my family members breaks my heart. Wish i could give you a hug and tell you how amazing i think you are! None of us are perfect and our alters have faults, Mistletoe did the best that she could with her capacity to understand at the time. I hope in the months since this video Your System is stronger and can remember Mistletoe with love and appreciation. ♥ Lani

I'm so happy to know that mistletoe integrated! I honestly never thought about the side effects of integration, but it's really interesting to hear your opinion

Moving forward after the first integration must be such a turbulent experience for the whole system... I can’t even imagine. Thanks for sharing your experience Wyn, wishing you all the best!

"she's my sweet spooky cinnamon roll now". Oh my goodness I love that.

I had a fragment integrate last year and it's difficult and confusing (at least it was for us). It was so worth it in the end though, it made the fragment feel more at peace and as a whole it's made things much calmer. We were able to handle it best knowing and accepting the mannerisms that I had that were a part of the fragment were there because the fragment wanted to be a part of me--not only that but that they trusted me to become part of a whole. If you need anything feel free to message me (I know that you probably have no major reason to but just putting it out there that there are people who want to support you in this--you're not alone as a system in experiencing integration, or sudden integration for that matter!) I hope that the integration helps all of you in the future, take your time with this new change.

I love your videos and this is the first time I’ve commented on here, since I rarely comment in general haha But I wanted to say that I’m so happy to have found your channel. You’ve put so much into perspective for me. I have DID and currently there are 6 alters all together (myself included in that). I actually just recently discovered the 6th. He’s been around a while but he’s actually mute. He refuses to talk and he only leaves me notes- it was quite scary at first! The stigmas and myths surrounding DID had actually convinced me for a while and I was second guessing a lot of my mental illness. But your videos have made me feel less alone and singled out. I haven’t gotten to integration yet, but I’m so happy for you! Thank you so much for these videos 💜

Don't worry about finding more that you didn't know about, Wyn. You're not alone in this and never will be even when you integrate with the others, they will always be with you in one way or another. Besides, integrating is nice in the end,you feel much more whole and confident and stable. I've gone through it, it's physically taxing and you might end up with bed rest for a month or so,but it is worth it. I personally didn't have anyone like Jacob to help, I just had myself as the host and mediator.

You seem more calm and focused in this video than your last few. I feel as though Mistletoe's integration has really balanced you. You seem more comfortable in your system skin. I'm sending big supportive hugs to you all

I see Mistletoe in your mannerisms...when you first started talking I thought it was her💕 Perhaps the sadness you’re feeling is the loss of being able to talk to her? Or maybe just the change? Change is hard. However She is always with you and I hope you feel better about her integration soon💕 The flowers spreading around the island is beautiful!

The way you describe your feelings is so realistic and honest. I, a person who doesn’t have DID, could almost feel how you’re feeling just by how you explain it.

I'm (well, my system) and me are really thankfull that you shared this. Honestly lots of us got really scared and anxious cause it feels scary to think about it. We hope everything will go better for you all and mostly for you and all those feelings. Multiple kisses from Mallorca

At least you have these videos to remember mistletoe by☺🍊

This is such a complex and philosophical concept and objectively fascinating even a little intense to think about! This has given me much food for thought. On a more personal note I wish you peace and thank you for having these conversations so we can understand people who experience differently

Good luck Wyn! I watched all your videos yesterday and I loved all the information. Thank you so much

Oh gosh, we feel like we went on an emotional journey with you in this video. You have amazing courage to speak so openly about things like these and we're wishing you the best of luck with your situation. If you ever need to talk or need a sounding board, we're here

Wow, what an amazing video. It sounds like losing a friend a little bit and I'm really sorry for you and wish you all the best and lots of energy for this tough time! I totally can understand that this is terrifying and difficult eventhough it is the goal in the end, especially if it opens up more new things. What amazes me most is that you still can talk that openly and reflected about the situation and your feelings and I'm really really greatful for the oportunity to take part in this, thank you so much! Much love and strength to all of you!

i almost teared up, this touched me in a way that i cant even explain oml..

You are so brave and wonderful, thank you so much for sharing and all the information and insight that this has given me. Sending love

Thank you so much for sharing, it can be scary not knowing the full extent of your system but as Jeremy said: you can do this!👍💜

I am so, so, SO proud of all of you. I haven't experienced this personally, but I know that you can get through this! Thank you for making this, even though you're going through a lot of mental trouble. It's not only opening my mind, but the minds of my parents and peers (who, I've learned, are very set on their beliefs). I hope everything turns out beautifully! (ps, just focus on yourself right now. You can focus on Kimkim - i don't know if I spelled that right - when you're in a better place. Don't rush, man!) Love you and your amazing vids!

Thank you so much for making this, it sounds like it was a tough time for your system, so thank you for sharing xx Wishing you all well

You're doing great! This is only the second video of yours I've seen, but your system is awesome. I can't imagine how tiring it is to integrate and suddenly gain memories and experiences that had been "lost" to someone else. I see this was a while back, so I hope you're feeling better now. Just remember, it's progress! It sucks and it's hard, but it's progress

Wishing y'all the best as you explore this new territory. Thank you for sharing your experiences even when they are fresh and confusing. You don't have to have all of the answers in order to be an educator, but def take breaks when you need to!

Congratulations on getting closer to your goal! :) Stay strong and good luck ahead!

Thank you for being so brave and sharing. I did learn from you today :) know that there is never any pressure to share anything you aren't comfortable with

Wow, your channel and this video especially has broadened my understanding of the human mind and how it can work in different scenarios. Thank you so much for sharing and all the best to you at this confusing time!

I'm so glad that you have kept these very informative videos. Thank you!

Mistletoe seems like such a warm kind soul. Good luck in the process of everything, as a new fan and someone who has learnt a lot from you I will support the system regardless.

Thank you this is really validating. I'm seeing so many similarities in the way things happened for me. How you describe pre and post integration... The fatigue the confusion the inner wall stuff.. the sense of empty verses fullness process. Glad I found these vids.

I'm so sorry to hear about Mistletoe, Wyn, but I know you're gonna be able to get through it! If you need to take a break, then please do and don't stress, k? Feeling better is most important right now. Hope everything goes well for you and the other alters! :3

Awh well I hope everyone is happy now! I’m definitely going to miss Mistletoe and her calm and wise words but I’m glad that you were both able to find some peace in the situation and continue to your goal of integration!

Sending encouragement to you all. Thank you so much for sharing. I totally relate to the scariness of thinking you know everyone and then been thrown completely by finding out there’s the possibility of another part you didn’t know about and the scariness of all that means. We’re thinking of you. I don’t want to say any other stupid sounding cliche phrases, but yeah.

Thank you for sharing your experience and educating the world on it! You are so brave and continuing to tell your story will help others get the help they so desperately need. Much love and keep fighting to good fight ❤❤❤

Is the first video that I'm watching of you, but you made me cry. You loved her, and you still do, she's a part of you so don't worry. I always thought that people who had DID looked like a big family (I don't know if this is accurate, but every time i see you guys are the vibes i get). I loved your video❤

Hi Wyn, I've just started watching your videos, and I'm so grateful for you and your courage to share. I've been feeling so alone, trying to work out what it means to be multiple (relatively newly diagnosed; working with a therapist with no real trauma experience). This video, in particular, resonated so much with me. Thank you, thank you, thank you for your courage and vulnerability. You've helped me feel less alone.

I'm so sorry you had such a difficult time integrating with mistletoe. I can't imagine those feelings of loss 😯. I hope you are doing better and are feeling supported from your alters and your RU-vid platform 😄. Love your videos, you are all so grear!

Hey. This is the first video I've seen of yours. Thank you so much for sharing your experience with this. It's so incredible how open and honest you are. Inspiring and brave come to mind. I don't know Mistletoe, but I don't think she would have integrated if she didn't think you could handle it... I think she felt like you were ready for it. So even if it feels emotional right now, feel good that you've gotten to a place where you can handle her emotions and her memories. I will definitely subscribe and watch more videos

Thank you for doing such a wonderful job at Ollie's educating those of us that are interested in did and for those that have it as well. I think it would be kind of cool to get to see more maybe fun videos from each of the head mates just idea🤗🤗🤗🤗

I got emotional watching this video, I’m not even entirely sure why. Like I want to cry. I think your system is wonderful and although it’s good that you’re working towards your end goal and Mistletoe achieved what she wanted, but I’m still sorry for your loss, because I can’t imagine having someone with you for so many years and then having them disappear with little warning, take all the time you need to cope

Thank you! your sharing means more than you know to everyone suffering DID and serves as an honest introduction to the world of DID to everyone else. hold your head high, be proud, you are a courageous trail blazer and world changer. You are needed. GOD bless you.❤

I can see her in you and it's great^^ i wish you all the best and maybe the others will give you a heads up before they integrate^^. Also i want to thank you for putting your journey up on youtube. I don't think i have DID, although i'm missing parts of my childhood, but your videos still help me understand the condition and really opened my eyes to the possibilities of the human mind. Thank you Wyn and all of the others, i very much appreciate you and what you are doing.

As a fan and viewer, after a couple months it seems like really fast and like a lot of progress has been made for Mistletoe to have integrated already. I'm sure for you Wyn, it probably still feels really new, as you've said its been a year getting to know your headmates and the system. This just occured to me, in being sad you didn't get to say goodbye to Mistletoe is also another way of being sad at losing a former self....? When people say after XYZ happened, I was never the same person again. Thank you Wyn for making this video and educating me and everyone else on what integration is, and what that means and feeling comfortable enough to share there is a new headmate you've never heard of before.

This was again so well articulated and explained. Your channel is so educational and I think it's extremely important that someone with this condition take the time to explain in such a clear way as it makes it all much less "Sybil" and much more understandable. You are all doing an excellent job. Off topic, LOVING your eyeliner Wyn. Those wings are perfect. :)

I can literally notice the difference in you before and after this integration. Btw I’m so amazed by how much you get done despite going through the painful aspects - eg making a quality video

You are very strong and I really hope the very best for all of you. Good luck.

Your videos have been helping me communicate to one of my best friends. Thank you:) I hope you feel less sadness eventually. Also, you look lovely in this video!

Thank you so much for posting this. What you were explaining made so much sense to me and it was what I was feeling for the passed couple of days. We had a very recent integration and it's left us confused and very tired. So thank you ❤️

Hi, I watched this awhile ago and you recommended to read Switching Time and I am so glad to have been able to read it! It was absolutely fascinating and I think it helps people understand and what the ultimate goal is (for some people). I think the trauma she faced was very triggering for any person but I do see her answer blog questions and she seems to be great. I hope you integrate fully because it seems to be something amazing and as I read in Switching Time, Karen felt weird at first because she wasn't able to switch anymore but had to deal with it but because she integrated, she had the abilities thath er other personalities had. But great read and some glad I was able to read it

The strength you show is amazing. I hope your journey becomes easier for you(all) with time.

I'm gonna miss Mistletoe, but I'm glad you got your good memories back

I love your videos, and you have an army of support behind you

i just feel like giving a biiiig hug! i think that you are really brave for doing this! i don't have DID but i find it interesting to learn about it, and to understanding it. So, sending a hug and a hello from Romania, Europe.

Wow! I wondered what integrating must feel like. I had heard the term and read just a tiny bit about it. All of you and all your alters are such brave people!!!! Hang in there and thank you so very much for making this page, sharing about your life, and your life with DID. ~ Rachel Annn

Hello, I came across your channel n have been watching you or all of you none stop, I wish you the very best n know I don't know how but I know you will be one mind in soon time, healthy , loving, and a mommy. Love you and your videos.

Hi system! Wyn/kit and everyone else! I read this book after I saw this video the first time. The book is INCREDIBLY AWESOME. However I don’t have DID. I really wish you did more videos with the other alters. Especially Lito. He cracks me up!

I have become a true follower of your channel, and I am glad for you all with this big step towards your long-term goal of integration. I don't know how it must feel, except for discovering new parts of my personality nobody knew about. I wish you all all the best, you can do this. Remember the gift Mistletoe left on the Island for you all!

At the very least, I imagine integration requires some time to process all your emotions. I can't quite imagine what it must feel like, but I imagine in many cases there's almost a sense of mourning, though not quite as these parts will always be a part of you. I'm happy for you that things are moving in a positive (albeit confusing and changed) direction. You have all the support in the world from me and I'm so glad that you make videos on the subject to educate folks. There is just so much misinformation out there. I can't express how thankful I am that folks like you, and like Jeremy: An Alternate perspective exist on RU-vid. Your stories are so important! Much much love

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I find your process so soulful and authentic. Your realizations and journey has helped me recognize how I can help myself heal in a more honest and effective way. I feel empowered and not defective because my therapist couldn’t help me. So much love

Hang in there, you're teaching me a lot. Thank you

I’m glad that Mistletoe integrating is a step towards your goal, but it’s also sad that you never really got to say goodbye or prepare for it at all. I don’t have DID so I have no clue what you’re going through, but it sounds pretty tough. A hidden alter sounds worrying, since you know have to get to know a whole new person with new memories. Hopefully they’re a nice, helpful new person. I’m believe you can get through this though with help from your therapist and loved ones.

Bless y'all for sharing your journey toward synchronicity. I can imagine one must go through all five stages of grief at the integration of any member, because even though you still have them as part of you, they aren't there in the same way and you can't talk to them, so I can imagine that the mind would feel that loss the same way as the death of a intimate family member. I am very glad to hear that you were taking the time you need to recuperate and rebuild your strength. What you doing is important for the world and I will be sharing your channel. (I volunteer with teen trafficking survivors, and a good many are in need of help understanding their dissociation.)

Yooo i had a new one few months ago, haven't wanted to be as creative lately and felt like it is a part of it, hearing you say that was completely comforting

Good to hear you are closer to your goals. ❤️❤️

I’ve had a very similar experience!! A ton of my alters decided to integrate, some without my knowledge. It has been so fricken exhausting. And then in the past week we’ve discovered a couple more alters. I’m here if you ever need to talk!! Sending love - Lexi

I obviously can't begin to understand how this feels for you, though the video was amazingly informative. But I do understand that you are a remarkably strong person, and on the positive side, you're one step closer to your long term goal! I just know for a fact you guys are going to be able to figure this all out and find a bit more balance again. x

Your story is incredible to listen to as a singleton. Well done for sharing your experiences. DID is not what I originally thought it was

Thank you soooo much this video has been so helpful and you are brave and helpful in the journey that my fiance and I are going through right now. You matter what you are going through matters and your system matters.

I hope you’re all coping better with the integration now than you were when you posted this video. This is 100% an educational video because as someone without DID I learned that integration is even a thing that you can experience?! Lots of love to all of you xxxx

This is great! thank you for sharing. Good luck!

Oh gosh! That's so much to be dealing with all at once, take it easy on yourself. Idk if this will be comforting, but I feel pretty sure Jacob wouldn't be introducing a new alter if he didn't think you could handle it. It's definitely not fair that you have to do SO MUCH work to recover all your memories and stabilize yourself, but at the same time people are always growing and changing, right? I guess what I'm trying to say is that you're not alone, you have all the people who love you (in and outside the headspace) to lean on, and you're going to make it through ❤

If integration is the goal in the long run, and Mistletoe has integrated, then that sounds like a very good thing! The not so great emotions must suck, but integration means you are making progress, right? So that's pretty dang awesome! Good for you! I wish you and your headmates nothing but the best 😊😊😊😊

This is so relevant to me right now. I had 1 alter for 5 years that I knew of. Then I got officially diagnosed in feburary 2020. Now I have 4. And it's so scary to think theres so much I dont know about my open brain and past...

This really hits. I rewatch it Sometimes now that I know what you're describing. I didn't get to say goodbye either.

You guys can do this, Sending love

I completely agree with all of your fears about integration there. I don’t have an official diagnosis of D.I.D., but am in the process of trying to figure it out...finally. I love your videos. I’m so thankful for you, Multiplicity and Me, and DissociaDID. I’ve been watching your channels as of late. ^_^

Found your video researching integration because of a system I follow who are the only system I follow with DID closely) Chloe from DissociaDID). This video was so helpful, thank you so much. And I enjoy y’all’s channel a ton :)

Hi Wyn. I love your videos. I think it would would really interesting to hear and update video on the integrations you've had and how they effect you now. Thanks for sharing your stories.