MommaCusses Live...ish | How do I get my kid to stop hitting? 

I love your clogs. MY child is 37. I wish I had more of these back thin.

Same!!!

I had my son at 39! Never say never!

Omg same! 31 and childless, but loooove this content. So much respect

Same for me! And agreed on all points. Seeing parents like this, who genuinely love their kids, care for them, protect them, and have only their best interests at heart, is so refreshing. Gives me so much hope.

I came from a similar background and have 3 children. I think the biggest thing that helped me is "how would I have wanted my parents to do in this situation?"

@@shannonk5361 yes.

"Bad parents don't wonder if they're doing a bad job" I can tell just from this comment that you will be amazing *virtual hug*

You can always be the one to break the cycle I did . My kids weren’t ever sexually abused but they were all traumatised by their dad leaving when I was 7 mths pregnant with our third ! I don’t think I would have had kids unless i wasn’t born with Ehlers danlos syndrome. Luckily I’ve not had my children suffer from any symptoms. I had met someone who truly ran away from home aged 17 because her parents made her start to take responsibility for herself eg laundry and dishes . She felt like they were using and abusing her and never spoke to them again! Everyone is going through the same shit just at a different level or stage of the game of life ! My brother had waited until he’s 50 to be a father .. which I personally feel is slightly irresponsible as we share the same DNA and his daughter could have Ehlers danlos syndrome and so could he but they ( my family ) don’t really understand or anything my illness that I was born with!! Especially my mother ! Ahh families 😂

@@simfanknee totally off topic. But your profile pic is amazing

I am a teacher and raising a gifted child who is now 14. I have always talked to my child to find out what was going on in his life. There may be something going on in school or they may just feel like there are better things to do with their time. It also may help to talk with the teacher. Sometimes gifted kids finish work early and get bored then get in trouble. I've lost count of how many times I've gotten notes about some form of this. Some teachers are better with kids who are on a higher level than others. Also you can find something your child is interested in and try to provide some learning opportunities for that. Just my thoughts. I'm sure your child will grow to love learning even if the early grades are not getting there. High school and college are going to be fun.

Yeah, that was my first thought too: why does this kid not want to go to school? Are they bored, or do they feel unsafe? A 7 yo doesn't have the life experience to have perspective about something being "important" enough to tolerate discomfort. I also think that putting a lot of pressure on kids to do well in school, or labeling them as "gifted" can end up being counterproductive in a lot of cases, because it puts the emphasis on grades over actual learning. And learning is awesome! School can really suck, but learning is fucking great.

I know this is an older post but big agree!! Plus another major thing to look out for is that a "gifted kid" is often a neruodivergent kid (ex: ADHD / autism / anxiety / etc.) which can pose extra challenges in school, be it socially (bullying, not understanding or connecting with peers, etc.), academically ("too easy" / "too hard" / "I get it but struggle understanding the methods / remembering the material / etc."), or even just their overall mental health by itself that is *in turn* impacting their relationship with school. (Source: me struggling with this exact situation first-hand, lol) There's tons of information out there from direct research to accounts of personal first-hand experience showing a strong correlation between "gifted kid" actually meaning "this kid is neruodivergent but we can't really tell in what way beyond them being "well above" their peers so they seem to be doing great!", but in reality aren't actually performing at full capacity like they should because once they hit a certain academic threshold of "advanced" / "good enough" / "gifted" / etc. by the school's standards, they're kind of just left to their own devices and often end up unintentionally masking or ignoring their neurodivergent symptoms / struggles under the guise of "normal gifted kid behavior", coasting through assignments and material without learning any actual studying strategies outside of what "naturally" comes to them which bites them as soon as they hit material that they don't already have an ability to grasp as easy as ones before, so on and so fourth even when they *are* supplied with extra gifted kid resources / being skipped a grade / etc. because their actual neruodivergency and how to work with it / manage it / cope in general hasn't been addressed at all. (Often not maliciously, but just simply not considered because they're "a gifted kid, so it makes sense" without any additional 'obvious signs' to consider until it clicks later on down the line.) ***TL;DR: Ye old pitfall of "we expect kids to be a 10, and your kid is a 12 so they're advanced!" when really said kid should be performing at a 15 but get caught in the liminal space of "too advanced to show any signs of struggle" and "hating school / struggling in less obvious areas from not able to understand (and thus manage) their neruodivergent brain / behaviors in general", eventually leading to the ever-common "gifted kid burnout" and all that comes with it It's not always the case, but definitely something to look into if you have a gifted kid who excels in class academically but seemingly hates school / has 'unexplained' behavioral problems or trouble socializing / etc. (Some great sources that helped me realize this: Why Gifted Kids Are Actually Special Needs by HealthyGamerGG ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-QUjYy4Ksy1E.html&ab_channel=HealthyGamerGG Gifted, creative and highly sensitive children by Heidi Hass Gable | TEDxLangleyED ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-ybmgVSdsMu8.html&ab_channel=TEDxTalks Apologies this is so long btw!! Just passionate about this since I struggled with it so hard in school and fully recognize that "academic overachiever who hates school" situation on a personal level lol)

My only concern with skipping a grade so the student is more challenged to keep their interest is the mental/emotional/social development vs the academic in relation to the older students.

How did u start and learn gentle parenting? I have 3. 15,15,4. My oldests where so easy. But my 4g nothing is working.

​@@jenniferburdette1401 my sister was in what sounds like a similar situation as you and she couldnt figure out what she was doing wrong. Eventually he was diagnosed with adhd and knowing that has helped alot. Definitely not diagnosing anyones kids but maybe theres an underlying issue that needs to be addressed. Or it could just be that its a middle child and that can be hard for some children. I was a middle child and i definitely acted out for attention. I imagine it was hard for me seeing my older siblings doing things i couldnt and my younger sister still getting lots of help with everything and maybe felt like nobody was giving me the attention i deserved. Im not saying thats your case either. But it could be something to consider.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. My son is 16 and he actually has depression and when he was 13 he thought about suicide. Luckily we have pretty good communication and he came to me about it. I talked with him as much as I could and immediately got him into see a therapist and a psychiatrist. He still has depression but hasn't had suicidal thoughts again. He still openly talks to me when he's having a rough time and he still talks to his therapist and psychiatrist on a regular basis.

@@heatherchrisco9106 I'm really glad things are changing and people actually talk to their kids about it now. This was back in 2003 for me and I had very strict "children should be silent and not be considered people with their own feelings" adults around me. It's good to see that kids are getting help. I was 24 before I got the right help for the illness I have, but being sent to talk therapy before that was kinda treated like it was a punishment when I was a teenager. I'm doing better now though. Actually I watch these gentle parenting videos to re-parent myself and heal from trauma.

@@VampiraVonGhoulscout I was raised the same way. So I made a promise to myself that when I had children I was going to raise them completely different than I was. Most of all I want my son to know that even though he's a child his feelings will always matter and he has a voice that's meant to be heard. I suffer from severe depression too a lot stems from my childhood and a past relationship where I was terribly mentally and emotionally abused and he constantly tried gaslighting me. So, I'm very adamant about my son being able to know he can come to me about anything and not feel judged about it. I never went and talked to a professional myself until I took my son and I was so glad I did. I still have very rough days and have bad flashbacks which sucks. It took several different therapist before my son finally felt comfortable enough to talk to them. He actually thought if he told someone else besides me about him having those suicidal thoughts at the time that they would take him away from us and put him in a mental institution. When the therapist and myself explained to him that wasn't going to happen is when he fully opened up to her and she referred him to the psychiatrist. He thought for the longest time too that since he is a male that he was just supposed to suck it up and not talk about his feelings. I'm glad you've been able to get help for yourself by watching these videos too. They've also helped me with my own problems too. I really wish more people would get their children the help they need because the statistics are still really high and more common nowadays with young children having the suicidal thoughts and serious depression problems and the sooner they can get the help they need the less likely they are to harm/kill themselves.

@@heatherchrisco9106 there is soooo much generational trauma out there that is completely normalised. I've decided quite adamantly that I don't want my own children because I know I wouldn't be a good parent due to a myriad of reasons and I have too much trauma I could pass on. But understanding that this stuff is the baseline of how you should be treated as a human being, realising what you didn't get and having the time to mourn and heal from it is so so helpful. I also recommend a book called The Emotionally Absent Mother as well as Running On Empty. Both very useful with exercises you can use.

@@VampiraVonGhoulscout you're absolutely right. I think it's actually really sad that the generational trauma has even become normalized because it shouldn't be, it shouldn't even have to be a thing but unfortunately it is. It's sad for me to even say but most of my problems have come from trauma I experienced from my Mom when I was growing up and the pressure she put on me to try to be perfect because my Dad is a hardcore southern Baptist Pastor! I know too my Mom has a lot of childhood trauma herself having an alcoholic Dad and later on a mentally abusive stepdad. I too used to say I was never going to have kids because I was so messed up but actually having my son and raising him the right way without passing down generational crap has actually helped me to be a better Mom than I ever thought I would be. Also, thank you for recommending those books I will definitely check those out!

Ah yes, my grandma had a nice yard stick too lol

@@blackclouds909 My precious Grandma never used it on me once. She believed in talking to her children and letting us draw our own conclusions. If we had a hard time with it, she would encourage us to the right and moral decision appropriate for our age.

I think it honestly depends for the kid. I was a 'gifted' child as well and more work actually made me way more burnt out. I always finished work quickly, and so teachers would give me more work. Eventually I just got so tired of having to do 3x more work than everyone else, with no reward, and so I stopped doing it. Thankfully they stopped giving me extra and just let me read after I was done. That brought my grades back up so much.

I would say that my daughter's experience would be exactly the opposite we placed her in a gifted School because she felt like it wasn't fair that even as bored as she was and as much as she loved to learn what she got a little bit older around maybe 4th or 5th grade that it was a punishment if I was to give her work at home we did do projects and she was always tinkering with something but it became an issue if I would try to give her more work at home to help keep her stimulated. We definitely found that for being in the gifted School was absolutely what was best for her we started her a gifted School and then we were unable to continue for a year and a half and had to do some homeschooling and then we did part home school and part gifted School but overall she was much much happier when she was part of the gifted School. So I think that that will work great for some kids but not for all of course it's based upon each and every individual. It's wonderful though that that works well for you

@@TheAmandadaly First, I was never required to actually finish any of the extra work. That would have irritated me as well. As for a gifted school... Most areas don't have that available. My elementary school had a gifted program called 'high potential' that did more to hurt my confidence as a child than anything else. More than once I had a teacher send me to one of the sessions. I was painfully shy and too nervous to answer properly in the group setting, so they wouldn't invite me back. Looking back, I can tell that they weren't trained properly and only knew how to work with extroverted children. At the time, it felt like they were saying I was stupid. My area also had a private schools, but I'm glad my mother kept me in the public ones. I'll take social skills and appreciation of diversity over individualized attention any day. In the end, every kid is different and I'm sure you're doing what's best for yours

Im old lol my kids are now grown but they loved their school and teachers and still have very fond memories to this day. Additionally I never really expected her to finish it but just the act of giving it to her was bothersome. I do recall a specific time when she was in public school her teacher was upset because she only gave five answers to a question that had 10 and the other children in the class were only able to come up with too I believe one child three and my daughter was very insulted because she didn't understand why it was that just because she could have taken the time to come up with all 10 she still came up with more than everyone else and instead of applauding her they criticized her and again this was Public School so I can imagine how you may have felt to some degree. It's pretty crazy though how people are so different and one thing that is excellent for one child is not for the next. I guess what's important is doing what works best for you and your family.

It's different for everyone. My brother was like you and always needed more. I did not function that way. So I needed challenging tasks, but not an excessive (or what I felt was excessive) amount. Mostly because we didn't know I had adhd and tasks/ time management made me anxious. I think home projects were a great compromise for my brother and I to do things together because he was being kept busy, it didn't feel like an assignment for me and we both got to learn and have fun.

...to be fair, it sounds like your dogs might also have some behaviors to work on.

@@NoirRaven hardly, unless you expect dogs to tolerate aggressive behavior from humans. that's just called mistreating the dog.

​@@NoirRaven why do the dogs have behavioural problems? The small one runs away and the big one reacts playfully. Humans have no right to treat an animal poorly and I have never tolerated that behaviour with either of my kids, even when they were babies. Baby pulling the cat's tail, even at 6 months, was a learning opportunity and I firmly explained by releasing the tail from the tiny fist, looking her in the eye and saying "no, poor cat, that's sore". It was very effective and they grew up being very loving and caring to all animals. I don't care what your excuse may be, never let a kid get away with treating an animal poorly. Kids instinctively love animals and if they are cruel there's something wrong that needs addressing.

@@NoirRaven to be fair, it sounds like you didn't read what I said. Reading to comprehend is necessary.

@@NoirRaven It was someone else's dog that bit the kid, reread the comment. Their dachshund runs away and their large dog plays with them. Neither of those are behavioural issues

I have that same trigger, I had the experience with a parent and a friend during my childhood. It is really hard to handle.

I can totally relate to this and have the same trigger as well. You're definitely not alone!

My own brother punched me in the face on purpose and broke my nose in my parents kitchen. It was my fault of course. Totally agree.

And a channel like this can help with that. See of there's other channels to watch/work with kids. I thought I'd be a school teacher but after working in a before and after program taught me that no I'm not qualified for that. Not to discouraged you just do what you can now to make sure you are prepared.

Everyone isn't cut from the same cloth. You tried to work with kids and it wasn't your thing but you gave it your best shot. What are you or did you find that did fit you? Maybe you must try many types of things before you find your comfortable and fitting cloth that only fits you. ❤

@@wels2342 i thought i would be a teacher when i was younger, but already found out that is not what i want, because of the high pressure, because there is a lack of teachers here. My dream is the entertainment business, but knowing that is sometimes hard to get to. My second passion, children. would make a great job too.

"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing half-assed."

@@KOKO-uu7yd It was a game changer for me for this reason: Too depressed to brush your teeth properly? Fine, I get that. But if you do at least a little bit now your teeth will be in a better position if and when you get out of this funk, and you will not regret that little bit. It is better in the long run to do a little bit of something than it is to do nothing. While this has helped with depression for me, it has helped more with the fact that I have some physical issues that make every day tasks difficult. And sometimes I am unable to do something as simple as brush my teeth properly. And the fact that I know I am doing what I can, helps with the depression of not being able to do something. Yeah. It's (for me obviously as I can't speak for anyone else) a very minor thing that completely changed the way I deal with life.

I love this

Amen. This is why I’m here.

My 1 year old is biting frequently. She leans to kiss and bites. I have firmly said " No!" Or " Biting hurts" or " Only Kisses!". Several women have told me to bite her back. They all said what you said.

@@ashlieleavelle They only learn when they truly understand what they are doing. Don't bite back to hurt her, but enought for her to.understand that it's not funny and it hurts. It only took one time for both of my kids. I never left a mark...but it did make the point for them to understand.

Love on her and remind her how things are done in the household. My little brother would ride the same emotional roller coaster after having to talk to his grandma on the phone (source of abuse and trauma 😭🤬).

I'm trying learn how to gentle parent my 4yrG bc nothing works with her. My oldest 2 now 15. Where so easy. But my youngest ABSOLUTELY NOTHING is working with her. So I desperately want to learn an try gentle parenting but don't know where to start or how to do it.

Same here! You're doing great mama and yea some days are harder than others but remember, you're doing your best! (Easier said than done but I have to tell myself very often also so just wanted to pass along you aren't alone & to remember you are doing a fantastic job Mom!) 😊

Hey there, just wanted to let you know that if you’re worried about your cats scratching little ones, you can get ‘claw covers’ which are exactly what they say on the tin, and will prevent your cats’ claws from doing any damage without removing or trimming them, and are temporary. They’re sort of like stick-on nails for cats! However, I don’t know how they would affect cats’ behaviour long term, if they would still resort to biting first if scratching first doesn’t get them space as it wouldn’t cause any pain. But it’s a possible additional layer of security on top of the awesome desensitisation you’re already doing 😊

That was very creative.

I try with my 2 y/o to direct him to hit a pillow or cushion. He seems to take joy in it though! He will tell me what hes doing eg hit mummy, then laugh 🤦🏼‍♀️ help meeeee!!! (Hes also super cuddly and loving too so surely ive not broken him??)

@@zoethezombie777 that can happen but most of the time it helps to stay firm like you don't hit people only the pillow but it can be funny for them to calm them down. Then you need to talk it needs time and also talk with any care provider of your toddler that you don't confuse them.

@@conni5179 thankyou. I do try to be firm (but not shitty) and consistent too. Hopefully it passes soon. Being a Momma is haaaaaaaaard lol but i love it. Hes such an ace little dude, i just want to be doing the best i can for him :) thank you so much xxx