My EX JW story (bethelite, pioneer, MS, foreign language) 

Fantastic video. I work (psychologist) with cult survivors; I'm recommending your channel - hearing others' stories makes a huge difference. You mention periods of depression - it's SO difficult to leave a cult! You're left with so many feelings - depression, anxiety, fear, doubt, loneliness, insecurity, distrust of others, difficulty making decisions, and more. In many ways, it's grief, but a messed-up kind of grief. It takes enormous courage and character to leave a cult and I have so much respect for that. People come to me with depression, anxiety, and OCD symptoms and most of it is because of the cult history. It DOES get better - as you know. Your sharing your story and interviewing people are so, so powerful. You are helping more people than you can know. Thank you! xx

Great video! I'm honored to have played some small part in your awakening process! As I'm sure you're now discovering, freedom is great! :)

Hi Fifth, your story was so powerful. I am an ex ministerial servant, pioneer. I woke up just 1 year ago. Thank you for telling your story as painful as it is.

Hey Fifth, welcome to the exjw community! Thanks for sharing your story and joining your voice to help others.

Listened to your entire video beginning to end (about the same time length as my work commute:-) 2 things I’d like to say: First, you are wise beyond your years and it is a travesty that your father shuns such a beautiful son simply because he wants to be true to himself. Second, I was disf’d at your age after many privileges including elder and MTS and I want to say you still have your WHOLE life ahead of you. I went to community college not long after, then university, then law school and have a good life in which I enjoy great freedom to help people and be true to myself as a human being. One of my great regrets also is treating df’ed people like subhumans simply for deciding they just didn’t agree with the teachings any longer. Amazingly, so many that I pioneered with at a young age are now free as well and we’ve rekindled strong friendships after 25 years.

Wow, how brainwashed we were. What can I say ...stay strong and yes keep your head up. You did nothing wrong. You're a smart guy and you figured it out on your own.

Brother!! Thank you for Shari your experience! Like you after I saw the Australian Royal Commission Trial and the GB lying, I stopped going to the KH and in May 2016 I sent my disassociation letter! Obviously I've been shunned by the JWs, gladly none of my family is a JW, so instead they are happy to have me back! I'm happier than ever! I'm very sorry you are going through the shunning, I can imagine how sad and difficult that can be! Hopefully you may find others friends and family to be with! Sending you a big hug from this old lady from PR!

Wow... just wow. Your story mirrors mine so much, including the Portuguese congregation. In fact, that's where I was going when I started to fade. Congrats for finding the real truth and I wish you much success in your future.

What I appreciate most of your video is your articulation of your feelings without name calling or offensive language. I was a JW for many years and was baptized at age 15 because of pressure of being the daughter of an elder and substitute circuit overseer. I have been disfellowshipped before and understand the damage it can cause on a person. My mother is still active and is doing her best to encourage me to return. I work as an addiction counselor and plan to tell her that the recent sexual abuse has convinced me that the organization is not approved by Jehovah and as a mandated reported I cannot be associated with an organization that does not support the victims and actually covers up these crimes. Thank you for this video, it is very validating.

It's amazing when the moment comes that you allow your brain to question what's 'off limits'.

Hi, Cliff. Thanks for sharing. I love hearing testimony from ones that have your credentials and this is why- most witnesses believe those that leave are just spiritually weak or the "truth" wasn't in their heart, but when you are a former bethelite, pioneer and baptised at 9yrs old, it blows that theory out of the water. You were obviously very much involved and "spritually strong" not weak! I know your testimony will at least make some think!! Well done. :)

Thank you so much for posting your videos. No malice. No anger, just facts. Love your music. You have talent for days!

I was in the organization from 1968 to 1982. I saw the 1975 ordeal happen. I was 10 years old, so was old enough to understand what was going on. MANY people did not believe that the end would come in 75 and told the elders that they did not agree with it. They were DF'd. I know that if the organization was not teaching that, then people would not have been DF'd over it. In 1979, March 1st Watchtower, It said that the GB was not inspired. That was one of the reasons I left. If they are not inspired, how could the GB claim to be led by Holy Spirit and to give food at the proper time? God did not lead them. So when I did wrong at 16, I did not feel that I needed to tell the elders about it because it was between me and God. My relationship with Jesus and God got better when I left. The next 35 years, until my parents died,they shunned me. That is not biblical. I'm glad you got out! Life is good and goes well without the Tower.

As an ex-JW myself and am so happy for you being out of that "Sunken Place". I was blessed that my family was NOT a part of that cult and I joined through marriage. To make a long story short, I got out back in the 90's, divorced and been happy ever since.

You are very brave. In 1975 in the UK, it was all over the news about JWs predicting Armageddon. My dad tells me he held me and my sister in his arms and promised to protect us from this cult at the time. I am the one that married in to it when I grew up and caused him unimaginable fear and heartache with what happened from there.I cried uncontrollably when I finally got out and I wasn't a baptised person, but an unbaptized publisher. I'd just got a language degree. I'd had a few extremely bad experiences, but I learned a little Greek, taught by the Watchtower's own explanations in their own book to begin with. I finally started reading the Greek - Kingdom Interlinear of the Greek Scriptures and saw a few lines that were definitely badly translated. I actually had to learn a little Greek and read the bible in Greek to get me out! It's very normal to get depression when you get out, especially if you lost family. My husband was badly indoctrinated and it led to a lot of problems and his suicide. He was very ill and nearly took me and the children with him. He refused to see a psychologist or go to any worldly counselling with me. I still really wanted to please both him and 'Jehovah' in bringing our children there even after he died. I still believe in the bible to this day, just not that organization.Fortunately for me I did reach out to a worldly counselling group long before my husband's death and those people helped me a lot over even the last 20 years since we are still in touch with each other. You are doing the right thing. You have experienced mental trauma from what Watchtower did to you. When a person gets physically hurt we have no problem seeing a doctor, yet a mental bruise from someone is often something we are scared of getting attention for.I like John Cedar's channel too. He is very factual and informative.

I am so sorry for all you went through. When I watched your story on the Leah Remini show, you really touched my heart talking about your family. My heart holds a special place of love for you, even though we don’t know each other. I pray for blessings over your life, in all areas, financially, mentally, emotionally, in your family, friends, and with Jesus.

Your story really touched me, Fifth. Like you, I’ve been trying so hard to prove to myself that it’s the truth, but the more I try, the more I realize that it can’t be true. I’m very discouraged now because I realize everything I know, everything I’ve ever known, is a lie. And I look at everyone and they are so convinced that it’s the truth but when I ask them why they are convinced they never give me any answer, they just say it’s obvious, it’s something they’ve always known. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t want to have everyone I care about taken away from me...

This is so relateable. I was not a Bethelite or pioneer, but where you're coming from rings true. When I left an elder told me, "I know you'll be back soon, you're a good girl." which really rubbed me the wrong way, associating goodness with this group I knew to be not any "more good" than any other people I had met in college or my working life. Thank you for sharing your story!

Your account is intensely moving. I faded 35 years ago; I watched 1975, come and go; I listened to complicated explanations of why "this generation" that would not pass ... has in fact passed. We try to make a meaningful life without the "organization" and after the hurt subsided, I was angry. After I graduated from college the anger left me and was replaced with this question: How can I make the best of a lousy situation? How can I have a relationship with my family when they are not allowed to reciprocate? I decided to behave as if I do have a close loving relationship with all members of my family ... this was liberating. These are their rules not mine. So I will follow a new script ... I have rules too, namely to treat my family members in a Christian way. Therefore I will call the parents every week; call the siblings monthly and so on. I will invite them to share a meal or I will help with shoveling snow ... I will offer help in any way necessary including financial. In the end if your actions are never acknowledged you will know that you did your best because it is the right thing to do.

Mate... Just finished listening to this. Heartbreaking. I left at age 20, never got baptized, so didn't have to endure this none sense. But now you're out! Make your own friends, build your own family, build your own world. You're still young and have your whole life out of that companies control. When you're old and with your grand kids you can look back on a life well spent, you'll have your ups and downs like everyone, but they'll be yours and not imposed on you by an American publishing company, while the indoctrinated will still be waiting for Armageddon. All the best to you.

You have plenty of friends. you just haven't met them yet. I know EXACTLY how you feel and I know what your going thru. I've been there. The people that I was taught where evil and wordly turned out to be the people that helped me thru some tuff times. And my wife's family showed me what real family and real love is. your still young and have so much ahead of you. True love is UNCONDITIONAL. This is what Jesus taught. you will be okay. because you are a smart articulate young man.

Thank you for taking the time to make this video. It is good to see younger ones waking up. I didn't wake up until I had indoctrinated my own kids... now I am walking in a mine field. Wish you the best and please post future videos.

I feel I need to comment on this, because I have went through the same problems that you are experiencing. What I found to do to get rid of the loneliness, is just get out of the house at night so that you're not thinking about all of this. Do anything go to a show, go out play a game of pool, take up a hobby, anything to get this all this off of your mind. And by doing this you will also eventually run into somebody that you will become friends with. The worst time. That you can experience is when you're alone at night just thinking about all these things. As long as you're doing something you won't be thinking about these things and it will help.

Hi Cliff ! We welcome you brother :) You are not alone and in very good company ! You have alot of support and love from all of us who now know the ttatt.

God goes with you when you leave the KH! You don't leave God because you don't care for the religion. That is really presumptuous. It bothers me when they say that. I also don't like the attitude that parents will only love you if you have jw dot org stamped on your head. If your children still love God, it shouldn't matter if they belong to a certain organization. God is everywhere, right? God knows our hearts. I follow Christ, not men. Men created the doctrine of the JWs. The way it is called "the truth" is so ones brain shuts off and stops looking for the real truth. One is not supposed to stop looking, yet they expect you to stop looking. Makes no sense.....

Im watching this while im listening to the meeting on Zoom LOL. Im starting to questioning the org to tbh...

My husband and I met you in San Francisco at the coffee shop during Lloyd Evans book tour. Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you for your channel.⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Ahhh, love you little brother...I found your story this morning after listening to your channel since Oct 18. You are such a good man, keep up the good work.💜💙💛🧡💚

Dear Brother, Thank you for this excellent video. Our experiences parallel in many ways, Bethelite, Pioneering, serving where the need was great, etc. You really set a great example of a thoughtful, deliberate, non-hostile person who just wanted to know what is closer to the truth and what one is doing with their life energy. I'm so sorry for the loss of your family and friends. We're in the same boat. It's painful and will to some extent always be a non-healing wound. But the good news is you took charge of your mind and have kept your heart alive and open. You are a good person! Dont forget that in the times of sadness or temporary loneliness. My name is Terry Delonas. You can instant message from facebook if you wish and ever need to chat. Ive recently hooked up with a terrific group of former JWs in souther california where I live and am gaining lots of encouragement from their friendship. PS I did all the work of deconstructing the JW beliefs before the internet. I now have a pretty deep and growing understanding of the scientific, Historical and sociological realities that the org. Cannot address, that has helped me stay strong. Thanks again for the beautiful video!

This sounds almost exactly like my experience. The questions you raise SIMPLY DO NOT GET ANSWERED

Wow. What a riveting video! I came across your video as a recommendation and I listened to the entire thing. I was born into the JW cult; my parents were born into it, my grandparents were converted as young people. My entire family on both sides were witnesses when I left sans ONE Aunt. I was completely isolated and because I was 18; I had formulated a plan of recreating myself and my life. It was much harder than I thought and I had no internet back then; I literally had to create a support system from scratch. I have toyed with starting a channel to help those just like you and so many others and share my story because it is HUGE and touches on so many elements that people have uncovered and taught me. There literally should be a support group for ex-JWs because no matter how long you have been out, if the majority of your family is in it, you still have to deal with the shunning, the feelings of being lost at times because your biological family doesn't acknowledge you, and them ALWAYS trying to convince you to coke back. You are never free to decide that the religion is not for you with them and that's the hard part. Somehow you have to make peace with it and find yourself and your own life. For me, I walked away at 18, went to college, got married and made a life for myself along with finding my own friends and support outside of my biological family. It is good that we have the ex-JW community, but don't get stuck there. Use it to propel you to create a life and reality you can be proud of in your own terms. If you ever want to talk or share, I'm here. I will continue to watch your videos and respond when I can -- peace be with you!

Cliff, you are not alone in finding out "the truth is not the truth". I, too a former pioneer stop attending meeting and will eventually have to make my feeling known; cause I am not going back after what I know. Please keep in touch with those who have found out that this Organization is not the truth. Thank you for your courage to tell your story. I continue to pray that a lot more sincere people will wake up about this religion. The Most High God will send some decent people your way; you are not alone.

You are awesome for sharing this, thank you. I found out it is a cold cold organization. Thank you for your candid honesty. I appreciate you.

What a wonderful young man you are. I feel for you and wish I could give you a great big hug. So much I want to say but not enough space. I was born and raised a JW; left after 60+ years. I too had doubts all my life and was afraid to question the GB because that was Satan working on me, remember that favorite JW statement? I had not gone on any apostate sites but one day at work; the day after a holiday so it was slow at work, I decided to look on Wikipedia and look up Jehovah's Witnesses. I read what was written and saw them mention Ray Franz and his book, Crisis of Conscience. It took me several months to build up the courage to go to the library and check it out. It was a real eye opener for me also. I've shared this on other ex-JW sites but the real turning point for me was finding the demonic hand in the Revelation book on page 52. We had studied that book like 4 times and I had never seen the hand before. When I did, from that moment forward I knew beyond any shadow of a doubt that the WT was false, full of lies and deceptive. Now my reading and research has equipped me with more knowledge in proving the WT as nothing more than a money grabbing fraud. I'm so glad you are out at a still young age. I wasted my entire life in that organization, gave up an education because the end was here. 1975??? Things will get better Cliff. I too have lost family and life long friends. I'm married now to a wonderful man, never a JW, and we have an awesome marriage. Don't give up!!!!

thanks for posting this Cliff, yes you are right it is your duty to expose this disgusting cult, the world needs to know, I've been out well over 20 years myself , activism against this cult is so important

I feel your pain. When I tried to reason with my aunt. Pour my heart to her she called me an apostate and told her not contact her again unless I return to the meetings or unless it's a family emergency. My heart is broken and I'm hurt but life goes on.

God bless you! I have been approached by many JW's and even studied with some. When I brought up Scriptures they couldn't handle, they just left. What you are REALLY needing is to contact a large, friendly instrumental Church of Christ. (Some non-instrumentals are great, too, but their stand on the instrument is not backed up by the Greek.) They DO try to follow JUST the Bible, but they are not perfect, either. At any rate, I've found a lot of biblical love for God and other people in the various congregations I've been a part of or visited. I did not grow up in this church family, but when they shared Scriptures with me, I kept listening and began studying on my own. I found out that many things they taught were backed up by the Greek and a self-study by going into the concordances and really familiarizing myself with the Word. I wish you the best on your quest for truth! I respect your courage and desire to know you are doing right, rather than just "pleasing people."

I admire your courage, when I found out the truth about JW i just remove myself, i do not owe anyone any information because when they disfelloship you it's like they put a logo of bad reputation on your back watchtower is getting richer and richer every year while they control you, they are a real deceit.

Hey Clif, watched the whole thing. Thank you for sharing your story. So sorry your family has decided to not speak with you anymore. I haven't heard from mine in over a month since I moved out. Please know that you have a family of Ex- JW's who welcome you and know how you feel and what you're going through. You aren't alone!

Great video! You are not alone ex-bro. My heart goes out to you. Keep your head up, each day gets better.

well done on your first video, look forward to many more. From my own experience you will gain many more true friendships from here on in.

thanks so much for your story. I was disfellowshipped at 19 and lost everything imagine that just a kid with no one to talk to or turn to. my dad still shunns me till this day. powerful video it will touch it helped a lot of people don't stop.

I am glad you have seen the org for what it is. I will be your friend if you want to. Brother, you are not alone

HI well come to your freedom , im one that had been around from the 1957 got baptized in 1974 the elders said i had to or i would make it in 1975 they said i will die, well im still hear and being shunned for the rest of my life.

Dude! Just got to 1:02:47! Wikipedia criticisms was the first place I went for info was as well! Fifth, I was terrified for 3 years to look at any negative information about JWs. The mind control they had over me was astounding. I mean, if I had already lost all my friends and I'm going to be destroyed at Armageddon anyway, what in the world was I so afraid of? Anyway, just thought that was a funny coincidence. This was only about 8 days ago by the way. I'm newly free!! Loving your channel though. About to get into John Cedars and also CoC. I found an Ex-JW meetup group in my area too. It's about to go down! :) Keep up the great work. Much love.

Fifth!! This video was amazing. I could relate to so much of your story. We knew each other more in passing because I also was in the Shipping Department at Bethel, but was on the export side of things. (We might have played Smash together a few times though, I think.) I left about a year and a half ago. Best decision I've ever made. But it really is a process. I know this video is a few years old, so I'm assuming things have gotten better for you as you've had time to integrate. I wish you much happiness and success as you continue your journey!

Fifth, I watched this video for the first time 3 years ago when I started questioning the organization and I never commented on it because I didn’t have the words to express the depth of how much it helped me. Thank you didn’t seem like enough. Thank you so much for telling your story.

Thank you so much for sharing your powerful story! I am about twenty years older than you and now 16 years away from the JW's, but your story was so moving and brought back so many memories (some I had suppressed). Like you, I came from a prominent, staunch family of JW's; my dad was the presiding overseer, my mom and sister were pioneers, I pioneered for several years and my then-husband was also an elder. I struggled for years with doubts and ultimately made the very difficult, lonely decision to walk away. Ultimately the BEST decision of my life. Despite the shunning, life has been immeasurably better on this side. You are an impressive young man, and I believe there's tons of happiness and success in store for you. I look forward to following as much of your journey as you're willing to share.

if the organization had taught me anything, it has been to QUESTION EVERYTHING. lol funny lesson to learn from an organization who discourages independent thought. oh well, so is life.

Leaving is so bittersweet. Sometimes I would think ignorance is bliss, but now I'm happy to not be under their control. I'm sorry you feel so lonely right now. It's nice that there are so many ex witnesses now to support each other.

I was eight when, I became a JW, I was DJ at age 57 years. For helping a sister, who was DF, and was trying to come back. Her mother and I were friends, so that how I became involved. She needed a place to live. I gave it to her. I cannot believe Jesus, would not of done the same. The worse is, she was reinstated, two weeks later. I was very depressed, while a witness, never felt I was doing enough. I questioned the 1975 thing, in 1974, I was consoled for grieving the holy spirit. The support group, near Richmond VA. I own my life too. You are only 29, I gave my entire life to them. Almost 50 years. Lets not even talk about the money. I hope your parents someday, see the truth about the truth. I truly would not of, if they had not DF, me. For showing loving kindness to a DF sister. in hopes she return.

Hey man, I'm so happy that you were able to see the truth about the truth. I left about two years ago and have never regretted it. I lost many friends and most of my family. and while that hurts, I have never been happier. I want you to know I support you completely and if you ever need anything or ever come up here to the Pacific Northwest I'd love to help or meet up. Great job man!

Making all new friends is really hard. There's no easy solution. Being in a relationship and getting married to a supportive woman has helped ease the lonieness. But I did go through years of intense grief for people still alive.

1. Everything under the sun has it’s season. 2. This to shall pass. These are two of my favorite verses in any Bible version. They’ve always helped me through difficult times in my life. Another thing that has helped me is the “Serenity Prayer”. “God Grant me the Serenity to except the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things that I can. Wisdom to know the difference.” You are LOVED! 😊💕💕💕💕💕🙏🙏🙏🙏🌈🌺💐🌷

excellent video. this is a video that I feel comfortable in recommending to help ones wake up. thanks for adding your voice..

Thankful for your truth. I was born and raised as JW and left ten years ago at the age of 35 years. My mom came in 74 because my aunt was indoctrinated and she too believed that the world was coming to an end in 75 and she was newly married and was pregnant with me so that's how she became a JW. Joined the ministry school at the age of five, baptized at the age of 12. I was disfellowshipped at 18 and 22, came back and thankfully I found on the internet things that confirmed what I thought for years which is this was not the truth. I am an apostate. I disassociated myself and I too lost all I knew. I continued my search for truth and Jesus gave me just that. I'm now an Apostolic, filled with the Holy Ghost that I was so afraid of for most of my life and I run a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization called the Bethany Project which helps people know Jesus for themselves. I have battled with the depression of hurt and shunning, but I would not trade what I have for nothing in the world. Keep spreading your truth. People need to see what you are doing. The battle of the mind coming out of the JW organization can be debilitating. My prayer for all of us that found the courage to leave is to keep going. Your pain is not in vain. You are truly loved and you're stronger than you think💛

So sorry. I'm like Ann's mother inyour story. After 40 years in the org I'm now totally isolated from my daughters. But too honest to go back for that reason it's such emotional blackmail. And disheartening after being known as a loving hospitable sister. In one day you lose every bond you've formed in your entire life. And being depressed makes it hard to put yourself out there to make new connections I guess that's what they want but it's no wonder people end their lives. I wish you the best Cliff.

You’re excelling as an Apostate. Seems you excel at whatever you put your mind to. I’m glad we got you on our team.

Dear Cliff I disassociated myself in Sept strictly because despite Rev 22:18 they changed the NWT to fit their theology that and other five scriptural points despite loosing everything. The bottom line is don't let the false prophet destroy your faith and love to do Gods will and live a righteous life. Jesus is the way and the truth and the life. Just wanted to encourage you to Read the New Testament alone in the King James or any bible. Jesus loves you it took a lot of faith and courage to leave and his burden is light!! Keep praying he will give you the friends and love you need and keep praying for your family. It is amazing that you woke up. So can they!

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I am a former JW myself , I was thoroughly brainwashed and my children and I suffered a lot of abuse. It has been six years since I have been disassociated and even though it was a great struggle mentally because of the conditioning that we received, it is the best thing that I could have ever done. Myself and my adult children are no longer associated with the organization. I am still learning about things that I wasn't aware of at the time of being in the organization. I truly hope that more and more people will wake up and get out !!!

Hey Fifth. Thanks for telling your story. I know it is a hard journey out. I listened to your experience with great interest. I was raised from a young age in JW in Brooklyn, NY, baptized at a young age, and finally left after 30 years. Many similar experiences to yours especially as it relates to losing contact with good friends and seeing how the organization surgically and shamefully separates families and friends. And as you point out, they have up’d the ante in recent months forcing the issue of separation even more. As for me, after many years I have no regrets and God is faithful. He will help you along your journey even as he has with me. What I want to write you about is a bit of sadness I feel when I hear stories like yours of those who learn and finally come to grips with the fact that they were caught up in a lie and yet, what is missing is the part of the story where they eventually find the real TRUTH about God. I know from my own experience that it is not an overnight thing so I don’t mean that in a critical way. After leaving, it took me several years to straighten the confusion of the doctrines, and how it is that I should study the Bible without the books and Watchtowers. I want to encourage you to not lose sight of the fact that the most important part of your journey is yet ahead of you. Maybe you are on that part of the journey and did not speak about it in this video. I hope so. I was hoping that when you went on your search, after leaving, you would have started with a good translation of the Bible but you mentioned only Wikipedia and Ray Franz’s book (which I have and have read). Again, I really am glad you found out enough to know JW is not the “truth” and you needed to separate from the grip of the organization and hope you will now focus on the search for real TRUTH. The truth about God, about Jehovah, about Jesus and the Gospel message of Salvation which is only through Jesus. Be diligent in prayer on that part of the journey, and diligent in your personal study of God’s word with dependence on the Spirit of God who promises to be our teacher. Press on….don’t quit until you know you have found Him and know you didn’t just leave something but you found, and was found by Jesus Christ. Thanks again for your story which I am sure will be an encouragement to many facing the same doubts. G

My heart goes out to you.. things will get better soon I promise. Keep working on yourself and you will find peace xx

Jayzuz, 9 years old! I was 13. Thought that was bad enough.

You are a very courageous & articulate young man. You have integrity & will find your true path.

Thank you for posting this video Cliff! I hope this has gotten a lot better for you in the past 4 years since you've left the organization! I feel the loneliness and isolation too! Your video made me feel better, knowing that there are others in the same boat as me. The solidarity is amazing here!

Great video. Powerful and moving. Thank you very much.

Cliff, this candid video was such a really good one. So many of us can identify exactly with your experiences. (especially serving in the Spanish and Portuguese Congregations). You must remember, as you said, that you are indeed not alone in this struggle and progression. There are so many of us out here waiting to welcome you! Please reach out and continue to do your research. You won't be disappointed. We are all here for you!

Awwww, my well-spoken friend, welcome to the light. It will get better and better. I'm so sorry you had to go through this with your family. It is very traumatic. I remember trying to explain it to a therapist (who really had no concept) - I said it's like there's a fire that destroys everything in your life, but instead of losing all your things, you lose all your people, your friends and family, and your faith, the relationship you thought you had with God himself. It can take yrs to get even somewhat grounded again, but you're so bright, so thoughtful, so clearly full of heart, you'll be OK, you have a very good future ahead. Some things that helped some of us: therapy or exit counseling, anti-depressants, spending lots of time with others (especially in RL) who've shared this journey. And just lots of time to process the grief and shock. Sending you much love and caring. Will be looking for more of your videos. (Ms.Pix, 23 adult yrs in and now 20 yrs out) HUGS ps. i'm available for a chat anytime if you comment on where to contact you.

Thank You so much for your video! It was clear and concise... You are to be commended you've overcome a lot of obstacles so far and remember you're NEVER alone... The sincere ones in the community will embrace and hold you up when you're not able to... Welcome to your True Freedom, so very happy you are "awake"... Lloyd Evans helped me out a TON as well...

Thanks for sharing your story and I know it's hard. My family hasn't shunned me when I announced I'm an atheist and I couldn't imagine losing them. This is why apostates or former believers can sound bitter and upset. Religions use emotional blackmail to control people and it saddens me that this day in age we still see shunning and intolerance. Your story has helped me for sure. Please keep sharing and keep your head up! There are support groups out there who are going through what you're experiencing. Keep your head up man you rock

A person almost has to get away from everything associated with the Watchtower in order to think. There whole game plan is to keep one off balance and there very good at it.

Thanks so much for sharing your story. I can't imagine how crazy it must be to not be able to talk to your family. My parents still treated me the same after I stopped going as a teen. Guess I'm one if the lucky ones. I'm sure it takes a lot of courage to put a video out, considering how your family will perceive it if they find out. Your story will help others, keep it up, and keep your head up. It gets easier as you make new connections.

Thank you for your video! MAN! Your experience gives me hope that my friends that are still stuck in the JW CULT may wake up or at least question why my husband and I left Watchtower 12/2016. Thank you SO much for sharing your story and welcome to the RU-vid exJW community!

welcome to the exjw community. What helped me was to make friends with everyone who came across. You gonna need new friends and exjws are like a fam to some of us. I have met a lots of exjw and some of them have become like fam to me. I left the cult in 1997, ánd never looked back

I hope you've received a huge outpouring of support from ex community, you definitely deserve it. Same story here, Pioneer, Bethelite, MS, got the boot at 24. Would love to chat if you're down. All the best to you either way mon frere.

You make me proud to be human!

I can't begin to express how much respect you deserve my friend. You are everything that is honest and rational when it comes to the xjw community. I identify perfectly with your view, your method of approach and your fairness. I have been out for 5 years and did the same as you: I did not want to be influenced by 'apostate' writings, websites, memes or videos. I feel for you brother. You are all alone. At least my young family followed me out the door, although my JW wife died 2 years later, in my opinion because of the cognitive dissonance, shunning and complete lack of future hope that her difficult mental health caused her to not take well. But you are are a legend for putting your story out there so soon after leaving. You make COMPLETE sense. Your radar is now SO finely tuned in, there will be bullshit warnings at every turn! I'd love to connect with you on Facebook dude. Would you PM me your Facebook name? If not, no problem. Keep strong and give yourself time to process the trauma. One day you will have grandkids and you'll need to tell them about how Grampy used to be in a cult! Lol!! 😝

Hi V! From Australia, this video is fantastic!! Usually my husband finds interesting videos to show me on RU-vid. Now when he gets home from work I have something fantastic to share with him. So sorry you're dealing with the hardest part of this process. Enjoy your freedom of critical thinking though, it's amazing!! My husband and I also mourned that feeling that you're never going to die, but it has just made our time here on earth that much more precious 😉 also when you do have a family in future you never have to teach them those beliefs, you have saved a future generation. Best wishes

So much growth in the last 2 years! Keep it Up Cliff! We need your voice.

Wow. That was brilliant. So well articulated and explained, I hung off your every word. I also couldn't help thinking there's a book in your story. Congratulations, I hope you are doing as well as possible. The Great Apostate sent me

dude I remember that deliverance talk- it was really stupid! that was the first time I doubted the organisation

Hey. I just watched this, around 2 and a half years after it's been published. Just wanted to say that you're a good person and I hope you're doing well. Thanks for making the video.

Thanks for sharing your story. Putting the information out there for people to see will help those who are waking up. It can be tough to get acclimated to normal life after walking away from the JWs, as I well know myself. I strongly recommend researching the affects cult indoctrination has on people. Steven Hassan has some good books that help to describe the mental and emotional issues caused by groups like the Watchtower. On the bright side, you are now free to live your life the way you want. The more of us share the reason that we left, the more we will help to free themselves. Thanks again for sharing your story.

Thank you for this video! Haven't been active for 10 years, never gave much thought to this, I left because lack of protection for abused women and children.

Just found your channel and am very glad I did. Thank you for sharing your story and being so open and honest. It is going to be a great help in my making sure that my 12-year-old daughter is very clear on who and what the JWs are. Married to my JW wife for almost 15 years now, it is still surprising how "un-loving" JWs can be.........even though she continually talks about the big differences that makes JWs special. The top of the list is always how loving they are as an organization. Just the other day I asked her how loving does she think all of her "friends" would be if she was disfellowshipped. She won't even consider the question...........which is odd. I make sure to not comment or criticize the JWs when talking to my daughter, which is extremely difficult the more "stuff" I uncover. The goal with my daughter is to make sure she is educated. She is very clear on the difference between education and indoctrination. Looking forward to seeing all of your videos.........you have quiet the impact. Thank you!!!

The one thing I noticed about most x JW ‘s, is that they’re very well mannered, that’s why it’s such a pity that the whole thing turns out to be fake.😞

Thanks for sharing your story! Been on a binge watching these videos late at night. Former MS and Regular Pioneer here, you're inspiring me to muster up the courage to share my story one day.

I loved hearing part of your story on the Leah Remini show. It really touched my heart and I definitely feel your pain in relation to “losing” your family. I am praying for you and your family, as well as the other ex JWs that were on the show, as well as all JWs that are caught in this cult, including my mom and my brother. My mom goes back and forth, she misses me and reaches out, we start building a relationship, then she will cut me off time after time. I haven’t spoken to my brother in several years and I miss them both so much. God bless and peace be with you

Wow. Really enjoyed this video. I have been out since 2015. All I want you to know is that it gets easier. There are so many things that we can do for this world. Hang in there brother.

Excellent video. Thank u for sharing ur voice with the community. I'm sorry for what ur going through, and I wish u the best

As a Portuguese citizen, it always makes me happy to meet someone who learnt my language even if the purpose, at the time, was cult-related. And it seems the number of JWs in the country has decreased.

It's hard to accept the truth is not the truth at all because some of us has been taught this most of our lives. it's like being told your are adopted after 25 years of thinking your parents are your real parents. You just can't believe it and accept it. and u have soooo many questions. and then you start to understand. and you ask yourself if these are not my parents, then where are my real parents. Kind of like leaving the organization. ...if this is not the truth, then what is and how can I find it? You will be fine because posting this video helped you and a lot of other people shows the kind of person you are. you are truly blessed.

That's why i never got baptized...i was a publisher growing up....i thought about it but i knew the consequences if i ever changed my mind or failed. i also never dreamed of going to bethel...too much pressure and control. i always questioned but i stop really believing eventually and attending but my family can speak to me or help me out if i needed anything. ive seen shunning my whole life. i will never understand it. Its way too extreme...smh😕

family is not just about the people you grew up with. many people out there are living very happy, fulfilled lives and they have no idea who their birth family is. just know you are related to all the jws that have made the decision to walk away from that organization. we are cult brothers and sisters if you will. and we all understand just what you are going though since we all basically grew up in the same religion. I personally have not spoken to my family in countless years. it was not easy at first. but I woke up one morning and realized that time was ticking away. and I did not want to spend the short time I had on this planet being depressed and sad because a few people chose not to talk to me anymore. so I went on my computer and googled ..how many people on earth... and guess what it was more than a few billion and i was like, well I guess I gotta go figure out how to meet some of them then. the last thing I wanted was to find myself old, lonely and filled with regrets. so I moved on. and its been great. to be honest with you I have had people in my life that was by far better than family. you just have to come to a point where you let go and embrace your new found freedom.

Lloyd Evans has helped so many of us, now you are doing the same. Your videos are helping me heal as Lloyd Evans videos did. Thanks to all of you out there.

Touching story & congratulations on coming into truth. I was raised a witness up until aged 17 when I left. It's been another 17yrs since, & I've never felt a desire to look back. Not angry, but saddened by the deception of otherwise good & innocent people. My family is still in too, but I'm fortunate in that we do still have our relationships. I pray eventually you are able to meet the true heavenly Father of the bible & experience Godly love without conditions, that is neverending. You'll never feel alone again. God bless, take care & thanks for sharing.

Fantastic video...Thank you so much!! And yes Lloyd helped me too to wake up!! I was disillusioned since I was a kid with a lot of questions, but only now as a 40+ discovered, after a huge life change and being disfellowshipped (but still wanting to be a JW even after D/F) finally woke up! So I can say being D/F was the best thing that happened to me, because like you, I always pushed away the doubts. I admire your sincerity and God can see that ...so stay strong things will get better. You will make friends and you will have a family. You have amazing set of teeth BTW.lol

We've all come to the same point by a multitude of routes. Thanks for sharing yours. A fascinating and absorbing story.

You're such a nice person. Thank you for being so open and sharing so much with us. It's natural that you're depressed upon leaving and you did well to go to a psychiatrist to help. All the best to you.

wow cliff...this video and your story has been so so riveting! omg....i mean let me tell you, you are me and of the same background almost in every single way. i am currently in the throes of going through what you've been through. currently in the stage of trying to reconcile everything with the world and if the truth is the truth, or whether its a cult...I'm so struggling, and yes its been a long process and i think it'll take me more time. and the privileges i have in the congregation are also keeping me busy and can't pull back. it's alot. but listen, please keep on putting things out there, please....i too am questioning god, unsure about my purpose and etc these thoughts are diffuclt. ok much luv.