My husband excluded our kids from a vacation…so refused to pay for it! | Reddit Stories 

But he was good before Christmas and was 100% involved (which I find suspicious that she left that out in her original post. Maybe something happened over Christmas, probably with the kids, and he's not taking it well, so his "decompressing" is probably hiding from the kids. If what I think is true, OP shouldn't end a marriage over this. Even if it's not, if he's not abusive, then I encourage them to work it out. They were good before, they can be good again. My mom is a stepmother and she didn't do any disciplining or have the "we need to discuss your behavior" talks because she felt like it wasn't her place because she wasn't "the boss", my dad was. But there would be problems when something needed to be addressed and my dad wouldn't do it/didn't see the need. When this would happen, she would hide. She thought it was better than lashing out at a child. (we're good now, this was just added for context).

Or they need to go to therapy and he needs solo therapy

​@@inwonderland5539They got a child. That happened.

They have 3 ​@@Spring2411

In the edit she said her husband's trauma is watching his mother and brother abused. My guess is the kids are about the age he was when that was happening or at it's peak. Or, 4 kids in the house is overwhelming and he just had his own. Something is going on in him, and I think he needs therapy.

yeah you guys should have skylar google things live and it'll answer your immediate questions...Sometimes I want to scream the answer watching your videos when you ask things like that and you can't hear me because I'm watching your video through a screen on youtube.

There's an infintessimally small chance of an extremely dangerous pregnancy if the uterus is gone but the ovaries are still there, as the egg *can* implant in the abdominal cavity and grow, but without the ovaries there are no eggs, so that's the only way to absolutely 100% be sure, but effectively yeah, no uterus, no baby. Even just removing the tubes you're basically guaranteed not to get pregnant ever. Having poorly functioning ovaries due to PCOS though, that's relatively effective, but still not a guarantee.

He could be hiding from the kids because something happened over Christmas that he's not ready to address. Not saying anything the cops need to know, but maybe the 13yr & 10yr hit him with the "you're not my dad" and OP didn't help. He could feel unappreciated.

​@@1normallyimpulsiveHe's a grown man, he should go to therapy if a kid can hurt his emotions so badly he becomes a total vegetable for months.

@@jennijuden the same could be said for her. She a grown woman, she should go to couples therapy instead of asking strangers online. Have a little empathy. My mom went through the same scenario he did; parenting someone else’s child, then having children of her own. It’s not easy, there’s a fine line you have to walk trying not to overstep. It would hurt anyone after dedicating their life to being the best parent you can be, despite them not being your child, to just have all that thrown back into your face like it doesn’t matter. The blood, sweat, tears, money, time, and love just thrown away without a second thought. And if that scenario is true, OP doesn’t seem like she cares, knows, or just expects him to move on. Not to mention it sounds like the husband is going through postpartum. A lot of men don’t get diagnosed with postpartum because a lot of people assume they can’t have it or that they are told they are “a grown men, needs to get over it”. Not to mention that the husband has lived in a toxic family setting for his developmental years, witnessing domestic violence and abuse. That’s the messes people up, and everyone should be happy that he was able to break the cycle. The fact that OP acknowledge that the husband is depressed and can still downplay it, it’s a huge red flag to me. People who are depressed, live in some state of fogginess, it’s almost like they’re intoxicated. They show up, then disappear, they’re high functioning and then low functioning, sometimes they care and other times they don’t care. Depression is not a joke, it really messes with people and makes their emotional and mental state inconsistent. Be that is men’s mental health awareness month; men typically don’t acknowledge the mental health struggles because they feel they would not receive any help and because they’re training to “be a man”, they tend to suffer in silence. Besides, I don’t see any signs that OP I had ever asked him “what’s wrong/are you okay/why do you feel like that?”, all I seen her do is tell him how he’s failing/wrong & is willing to throw away years of marriage and her children’s father because she lacks the patience or empathy to have a proper conversation with him about his needs & not just hers, or go to therapy for his sake. The man has been over backwards for children that are not his, but yet she still jumps to worst case scenario with him. Everything women can feel, men can feel as well. people don’t pick and choose when or why they get depressed. If she loves him, then she needs to try and help him. If not, then what was the point of their vows? For better or worse, in sickness or in health. He probably runs to his friends, because his friends actually care about his mental health. He’s probably in his car talking on his phone talking to a trusted person or therapist. Because she clearly does not care or does not recognize he is a drowning and he needs a life line.

I don't think it's just about "entertaining". He could be hiding from the kids because something happened over Christmas that he's not ready to address. Not saying anything the cops need to know, but maybe the 13yr & 10yr hit him with the "you're not my dad" and OP didn't help. He could feel unappreciated.

​@1normallyimpulsive I doubt it, the way he has been behaving, there's no doubt he would have throw it at her face

@@1normallyimpulsiveunfortunately I feel like maybe they had their baby and he realized that for some reason the love he feels for the baby is greater than what he feels towards his step kids so he’s checked out whether it’s conscious or unconscious. It’s definitely not okay and no excuse but maybe an explanation

@@alexiatr I don’t see that happening. Something had to change him. But it speaks volumes to me that 1) the husband had witnessed domestic abuse for all his developmental years, yet still was strong enough to break the cycle of abuse 2) was a great guy for a whole a decade & raised her children no problem 3) Op failed to mention the above points in her original post, only saying them later as an afterthought 4) husband was fine up to a noticeable point in time 5) OP knows he’s depressed but chooses to basically say he needs to “shake it off & get over himself” 6) despite all of this, he still spends time with the kids unprompted (not a lot, but he still chooses to engage) This shows me that he still is that good guy, he’s just going through something and OP is not giving him the support he needs. That could be due to her not recognizing or believing he needs it. A lot of men do hide their emotional and mental struggles, it doesn’t mean they don’t love you, they just deal with shame on a different level than women do. Not to mention they just had a baby and men can go through postpartum as well. Not being able to adjust to a new dynamic and that, this time, the child is his biological seed maybe triggering some past trauma he didn’t realize was still there.

@@shelby_button I have to respectfully disagree. I’m not saying that’s not an option, I just don’t believe it’s this scenario here. I think he’s going through postpartum. He fits the symptoms. And the fact that he still engages with the other kids, unprompted, tells me he still cares about them. Or maybe it’s a reversed situation, where he doesn’t spend time with the baby at all. Let’s be honest, that’s his biological child. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love all his kids equally, but anyone would feel a certain way when they spend little to no time with their own kid vs someone else’s kids. Maybe he feels that he has no bond with his child? Maybe he gets upset that OP just dumps, practically, 2 teenagers on him all time & he rarely spends time with the baby? Maybe he feels that OP is not valuing him as much since the baby, being that he did mention that he is stressed at work & he shows signs of burnout? Maybe he didn’t want the two older kids to come because OP will prioritize them over anything else, and he wants her to be in the moment with him but is failing to communicate it because of his depression? I feel that OP is failing to mention something. I’m not saying it’s because she’s malicious, but probably because she’s not catching it. The story feels incomplete because it mostly focuses on how she feels and not a lot about that December where he changed or gives detail on what they talked about outside of what she wanted him to do. I feel like OP might be looking for confirmation bias, consciously or subconsciously. Because it’s hard to say whether or not OP is wrong/right when we don’t know what happened in December (when the husband changed), what his response was to when OP instead on bring the 2kids, & what his response was to when OP told him to pick up the slack. All we get are the ending sucker punches, but never the whined up before it. On top of that, OP doesn’t seem to care that he’s gone with his friends or in the car for hours, it’s just that he’s not there to deal with the children when OP is tired of them. I feel that OP just need to ask him “why”, and all of OP problems will be solved. And I don’t feel like OP is the type to ask for clarification or motivation, just a Type A person; “just do it, I don’t care how, just get it done right now”. Not saying OP doesn’t love him or anyone, but that OP needs to slow down to let him catch up & the OP empathy feels slightly off/lacking (not that OP hates him, but she shows low patience).

Accurate but you'd probably be surprised by the number of doctors that tell people differently. My sister and I both have it but her doctor told her she would never have children. Now I have a niece.

I have it too and was never told that. They just explained what it was and the symptoms I was suffering from. Some doctors just don’t always do their research and keep up with new studies.

@@Chelle89 Mine basically told me it might be more difficult to conceive but not impossible so if I wasn't actively trying to have a baby to make sure a form of contraception was used and there were options to help with fertility if I wanted to start trying.

That's what infertile means. You are thinking of sterile, which is a complete inability to conceive or carry a child.

@@alderblanco2362 the definition says “unable to reproduce”.

As it should be you should never marry a person with kids if you’re not willing to be a parent. I always refused to date men with kids because I don’t think I want to be a mom at all.

But he was good before Christmas and was 100% involved (which I find suspicious that she left that out in her original post. Maybe something happened over Christmas, probably with the kids, and he's not taking it well, so his "decompressing" is probably hiding from the kids. The kids probably hit him with the "you're not my dad" & OP either doesn't know or didn't do anything. If what I think is true, OP shouldn't end a marriage over this. Even if it's not, if he's not abusive, then I encourage them to work it out. They were good before, they can be good again. My mom is a stepmother and she didn't do any disciplining or have the "we need to discuss your behavior" talks because she felt like it wasn't her place because she wasn't "the boss", my dad was. But there would be problems when something needed to be addressed and my dad wouldn't do it/didn't see the need. When this would happen, she would hide because it was better than lashing out at a child. (we're good now, but was added for context).

He could be hiding from the kids because something happened over Christmas that he's not ready to address. Not saying anything the cops need to know, but maybe the 13yr & 10yr hit him with the "you're not my dad" and OP didn't help. He could feel unappreciated.

​@1normallyimpulsive still not an excuse, he need to talk about it. And the way he is behaving, no doubt he would have throw it at her face in all those "talks".

@@alexiatr but the thing is he does engage with the children, just not for a long time. OP never said he did throw it in her face, because she never mentioned that they actually had a conversation about his feelings. Which I think is telling. She probably makes it an unsafe environment for him emotionally without knowing it. he’s probably talking about his emotional and mental health issues with his friends, seeing as he spends the most time with them now. It is also telling that she never mentioned in her original post that he was a good parents and for how long he actually been in their lives. It was an afterthought to OP. She also just dropped the bomb that he was a victim of domestic violence. You don’t just mention that if you don’t think it’s relevant. Because this is the picture OP is painting; a man who has raised someone else’s children from diapers, with loved and support for a whole decade, randomly gets depressed and becomes distant. And despite being told he needs to pick up the slack, he just can’t do it anymore. And he is now suspected of hating said children because he wants to do one event without them in favor of the baby. It sounds absurd because it is. A lot of people don’t know but men can also go to postpartum. And he might be going through it because the timeline lines up with the baby and when he started to become depressed, not to mention he has the symptoms. Throughout the story, she never mentions that she had a conversation with him about his mental health, only hers. She never asked him what is wrong with him, only talks about her issues. We never know how he’s feeling, only what she feels. She doesn’t have to be a mind reader, she just has to ask him “are you OK?”. But I don’t think she has. Evidence being, she threaten to leave him before trying to finding a solution or offering therapy. I think she knows, but I don’t think she cares. Not that she doesn’t love him, but that she just lacks empathy in this particular situation. She wants that happy and healthy man back but she is impatient, so she demands him to fix the depression on his own. This can be due to her not taking men’s mental health seriously or it’s because the whole reason she married him is because he was willing to love a widow & orphans. And she sees his mental health as a detriment to her and her children, which is why she treats his depression as something that he needs to “just get over”. Even if this is not the exact scenario, he is struggling and she needs to help him not berate him. With him being a good guy, he’s probably very self-aware of his shortcomings and doesn’t need her throwing it in his face. He needs help, and as his wife, she should be the first one trying to help him.

Ah, guacamole can be a sad food, but salsa isnt! /jk

Thank you for posting this. I am in a situation with my son where I’ve done the same and now that he’s 12… I was unsure of where to take it from here, but the sentence “a good man who was dealt a bad hand” hit so hard. Thank you for sharing so I can help my kid understand his dad a bit better. ❤ much love to you and your mom

@@coleworld4385 I hope you and your son are able to find peace in this mess. It's brutal, but one of those things that's hard to talk about. I mean, HOW do you talk about it without hearing and saying the same things over and over? It's painful and frustrating. I did get to finally meet him a couple years back. Amazing man, but has since passed away. He was happy, at peace, and ready to go. Cancer is hell.

@@tsavo1065 thank you for this comment, I’m in the process of trying to figure out how to explain why my sons dad isn’t here. It isn’t a TBI in my situation but lifelong addiction (on his side) and severe emotional and mental abuse. I don’t know if I will ever tell him the full full truth but this is a great way to handle those questions. Thank you.

I love your way, my friend just kept telling her son that dad was away working and he would come one day (I fought her about that). He started digging one day and connected thru Facebook with him; they are now chatting but I am not sure how often. It could have turned so much worse as the guy wanted nothing to do with her and the child for many years.

I was going to say the same thing. I mean obviously it depends on the size of the boat ?, how long they will be out on the water ?and what kind of water are they driving the boat on? Who’s driving the boat? If it’s Dad does he even know how to drive a boat? If they are taking a standard fishing boat in the ocean leave the baby with grandma and possibly the older kids too. Now is it a kid friendly cruise than they should all hopefully be safe .

Purina makes a cat food for it now too

Really? I just thought it was the cat’s saliva that caused the allergies

It is. Purina has published research papers about how if chicken's are raised with cats their eggs have a protein that binds and neutralizes the allergen in the saliva. So you can either get special eggs or the new purina food.

The Purina cat food works. My husband's allergies have almost disappeared since we started feeding our princess the food.

AGREED!! I’m so glad I wasn’t the only one feeling this way lol

Yes I agree completely

I agree.. to me it almost sounds like OP has a hint of jealousy towards her sister and can’t get past that for some reason. Also, the whole diaper situation kinda rubbed me the wrong way if I’m being honest. I’m curious to know if there’s more to that story. Having said that, her sister’s response sounded like a typical sister response 😂 I’m the oldest of 3 girls.. my youngest sister was 13 and my middle was 14 when I had my first. So I’m on the opposite side of your situation. My baby sisters have helped me TREMENDOUSLY! Now that they older now, and my middle sister has 3 kids of her own, it actually gave them a lot of experience in a good way. It’s fun being an aunt too. I would be so sad if I weren’t able to have a relationship with my nieces and nephew over some petty reasons. I just wasn’t hearing any good excuses as to why the sister was too irresponsible or untrustworthy to help watch her nieces/nephews

​@@southernladyish Exactly because I was waiting to hear just one thing that could justify this but all I heard was odd nonsense. I would be sad too if I wasn't able to spend time with my niece over something like the stuff she stated. (Even though she has gotten a head start on her terrible 2's plus her naturally strong personality can be a crazy mix at times.) For me it's like having a little sister and if I'm her favorite person for the day it's super fun. I just feel bad for the aunt and the kids for not being able to spend as much time with different family members over their mothers reason-not-reasons.

But he was good before Christmas and was 100% involved (which I find suspicious that she left that out in her original post.) Maybe something happened over Christmas, probably with the kids, and he's not taking it well, so his "decompressing" is probably hiding from the kids. The kids themselves could not be taking the new baby well. They could feel teenage angst or just be brats about it. If what I think is true, OP shouldn't end a marriage over this. Even if it's not, if he's not abusive, then I encourage them to work it out. They were good before, they can be good again. My mom is a stepmother and she didn't do any disciplining or have the "we need to discuss your behavior" talks because she felt like it wasn't her place because she wasn't "the boss", my dad was. But there would be problems when something needed to be addressed and my dad wouldn't do it/didn't see the need. When this would happen, she would hide because it was better than lashing out at a child. (we're good now, but was added for context).

Yes! I was thinking the same thing. He wouldn't have to do anything with the step kids. In fact, he could just disappear and the cops could assume they just never found his body.

I agree. I think they are 😂

I think it’s there because it was there during the recording of the live at the time. I’m not hypersensitive but it’s distracting me as well so I can’t imagine how it is for you :/

This is a perspective I rarely hear from others and I truly appreciate it. Depression is a truly dark place. You become someone neither you nor your love ones recognize. Often times when we hear these stories, the first thing you hear is people telling the wife to leave. But when you reverse the roles, the husband is encouraged to take care of his wife. It is not easy being the caretaker of a depressed partner, but I believe leaving should be the very last resort.

This. It makes me happy to see other women who don't drag men for feeling BIG feelings. I feel that a lot of women in today's society lost empathy for men. Not to be that person, but it's harsh out there for guys, it really makes me want to cry. The fact that almost every time I see stories like this I see hundreds of comments from women saying "he's cheating", "leave him", "red flag", "he's toxic", & "he's abusive" over simple miscommunications or not thinking that men's feelings are valid.

It depends. If you are willing to seek help and put in the work to get better, sure, but if not, no. No one owes it to anyone to be mistreated just because the other person is depressed or has a mental illness. There is a difference between being a rock for someone as they work on themselves and being a punching bag that someone mistreats while using their mental health as an excuse.

I fell into this category myself

Tried*

Sometimes PCOS doesn't even effect your chances. I have it and got pregnant on birth control. After that the only two times I ever had sex without other/extra protection I got pregnant.

I think the problem is the terminology around it. Infertile and sterile are VERY different things medically but colloquially they seem to refer to the same thing.