My Husband Is Suicidal (How Do I Help Him?) 

"The majority of people who die by suicide do not want to be dead, they want their hurt to stop." Soo true. 😢

I'm praying for them. I lost my husband of 30 years to suicide in Jan. 2021. I don't think I'll ever be okay again. My heart goes out to them. I am praying they get the help they need.

As a suicidal husband and father myself, I really appreciated hearing your advice. The pain each day is real and I’m just white knuckling it right now. Thank you.

Can we just take a second to remember that as of 2-3 days ago dailing 988 came out. If you call 988, the suicide prevention hotline, you will speak with a trained counselor. I don't care about likes, but please get this to the top to help remind those in need ❤️

Man this call brought tears to my eyes, you can just hear the love in her voice. I hope their family can come out of this ❤️

This is hard for this family. God, please protect them. Dr. John, wow, what a professional !

You can laugh and smile, pretend like everything is fine while holding a conversation with people and all the while the internal pain that has become too much to bare is right there. Ending it feels like the only option in getting relief.

I hope he can get the help he needs. Prayers for this family.

To anyone going through this, I want you to hear me. The SOS moments are so important. My wife saved me with love. Talking is part of the process, but a silent moment over and over is powerful.

This is how veteran get treated unfortunately. So sad 😞 😥

At 9:17- Dr. John- "The majority of people who commit suicide do not want to be dead, they just want the hurt to stop." I've been at that dark precipice, the edge crumbling beneath my feet. The only reason I'm here to post this is thanks to my beloved (late) wife, my pastoral counselor, and my two wonderful brothers. I truly saw no alternative. They led me back to the world. I owe them everything.

I haven't known how to deal with my suicidal fiance and father of my two young children. Toddler and infant daughters. This has helped me so much. Thank you. I'm in tears.

Shame on the VA. Our veterans deserve better! 🇺🇸

Love this callers positive mindset and approach.

I knew my husband was going to committ suiside as he would talk about it but I tried everything I could to get help but could not. They said hed have to seek it out himself which I knew he would not. Sure enough he shot himself and had plans to take us all with him just lucky none of us were at home that day or I believe he would have. He was 39 at that time, I went and raised our two boys by myself and Im still single at 70 but I have a beautiful family 15 grandchildren and great and I think everyday what he missed out on😢

I lost my son due to suicide almost 2 years ago it’s very devastating for the family 😢. I’m so sorry the person on the phone

Consider if you, Emily, would risk, in the courage of your utter despair, to tell him calmly and tenderly, how much you need him, how badly you could cope without him, how much you feel dependent on his help and strength. Admit that you might handle him as the most fragile little butterfly, and nevertheless it is not your whole picture of him, on the contrary. Everybody hurts sometime, it is not a permanent personality defect. What if he needs to be reminded of, to remember that you trust him to be your support, too. That he isn't at all broken beyond repair to your mind. Remind him why you feel your concept of him is reasonable and true. Do your remember incidents when he impressed on you, when he took care for you, or did some other heroic thing? Remind him that life is complicated, there is black and there is white and all the other colors. Remind him that most of the time you admire him immensely, and at others time you admire him more than enough. With the tone of your voice you can make him hear that you open your heart to him and are very honest and trustworthy. You could confess that you need him to help you sustain the traumas he has gone true. Tell him that its terrible for you to be a helpless bystander when he hurts. Tell him that it feels better for you to sleep in his arms. And if he has nightmares that both of you then should get up and shift to sit in a sofa or in the kitchen and talk for a while, planning a strategy for how you handle these things. He will have nightmares, he will feel restless, he will be afraid that his life will turn out to be a failure - but it is good to look risks in the eyes, and be prepared to tackle the scares. He has very good reasons to live and you have very good reasons for loving him. Plan five years ahead, and all the years in between, and plan for tomorrow, next week and so on. Remind each other that a plan is a plan, not a promise, but execute a plan if nothing absolutely makes it impossible - make plans on a day that is a little bit better, and then "just do it" even if your not in the mood, as moods can change, as the weather. Feelings are not your deepest values. I write this because I did battle suicide-thoughts for almost 15 years, but now have been free of them for 40 years. I have helped some 10 persons in my life to get through suicidal crises as a fellow human being, friend or relative. Believe in your capacity to be of support. If you are fearful of saying or doing something that makes it worse for you hubby, tell him so. He is not the only one who has fears. He is not the only one who does not have failure-proof strategy for the future. But you can be in the insecurity together, in as much of a cocoon of love as possible. I think you are awesome, Emily, with the small glimpses of humor and all, and for not giving up hope, for your readiness to take on hurt, and for your immense caring. All the best, all love, all hope, you will not regret trying your best!

As a suicidal person myself (by jumping from the building) with the father who committed suicide by drowning and succeeded . The problem about suicide is your loved ones never get it. As this wife never get her husband. And that makes those people feel more alone in the dark. So true that many suicidal person don’t want to die but need the pain to stop. HOWEVER many among them want DEATH. Me included. Death as a punishment for your mistake (“you deserve to die” mentality) or death as an escape from hardship or agony. I tried committing suicide out of both. I went bankrupt and I couldn’t dare to face anybody who always had high expectations on me “not to fail”. I couldn’t face THE DAY AFTER so I decided that ending my life is the only way out. My dad did it out of despair. He felt he failed and nobody loved him. Those dark despairs are one of the root cause. Other causes are self-loathing, secret guilt or escaping the reality. We need to figure it out together WHAT IS THE ROOT CAUSE.

My 27 year old husband just died by suicide 4 months ago. Mothers day. I had left the week before and got some clothes the day before. All i can say is please pray to god. Please dont give up. We bonded partially because we both struggled with suicidal thoughts and attempts but god told me i never can do it about 2 years ago. My job is to take care of my 5 year old now. I wish god healed him. I would do anything to have him alive even if he hated me. But god is in control and god will always be in control. God has already won the battle against evil and will restore this world and all of us.

Idk to me she doesn’t sound as shook up by this as she should be. Probably just because she’s trying to keep it together on the phone. But I say this because as someone who has dealt with suicidal thoughts for years, we hope to hear your concern in your voice. Also DON’T talk to us like we’re crazy, we’ve been through a lot mentally and that only makes it worse to have our pain invalidated. There is honestly something so soothing about someone just being there with us to listen, no advice, no judgement, just to listen and give us a genuine hug 🥺

What do you do when the person keeps saying they don’t want to live anymore? Is that enough to call the cops? They don’t want to get help and they’ve never made an attempt (yet).

He probably is just suicidal. Some people don’t act on it, but they think about it every day.

You are a strong woman praying for your family.

Just at 1:30, and sickened. This man served your country, and it took him to drive out to a bridge to get help??!? How sad is that? The most powerful nation on earth does that to its own …

0:45...that was a very sharp left turn from the good day start... he needs help immediately!! this is dangerous territory that he is in psychologically considering his multiple suicide attempts.

If he's on statins, get him off right now! It exacerbates PTSD.

My personal experience aside (my Mom committed suicide when I was 16), there are no easy answers here, especially in THIS world. No one can say with absolute certainty why anyone chooses suicide. Let us, please, send Emily and her husband love and light... I understand suicide entirely...and the reasons behind it. I also understand the pain of the families affected by it. Just please know, if your loved one succeeds at suicide, it has NOTHING to do with you. You could NOT have done ANYTHING to prevent it. But Dr. John...…it's my belief that you are wrong in telling her to ask him for a "Wellness Contract" Especially if he's prone to "shameful thoughts about himself." Are you asking her to put more (possible) shame on him? FLIPPING NO. Emily, please just do your best. If he succeeds, just send him love into the next world. It wasn't about anything except his unbelievable pain.

This was so sad 😞

You are a great women.There are many therapies for ptsd.Emdr mindfulness etc

My boyfriend attempted suicide and I don’t know how to help him deal with it.

This guy is brilliant!

If someone is suicidal, they need to be admitted to a hospital immediately.

Please look for inpatient hospitalization. If the patient is suicidal they will admit the patient. That will help. My prayers are with you and your family. Sorry for what is going on. You all will be alright. My prayers.

I am praying for your husband . We have no idea what he went through and is going through . I’m glad he’s getting help. Write your congressman about this matter and you will get a response

I had my first suicidal ideation at 16.. I decided push on but since then I've known in the back of my head that I won't make it to 30. I'm 28 now and can feel my time running short, fast. I don't know why I'm saying this here. I've never told anyone. I guess I just want to say it out.

As somebody that has done more than a few suicide attempts throughout my life at different points I didn’t necessarily want to die and I believe that’s why I chose the methods I did so I would still have a way out if I change my mind, but life can be so overwhelming and painful that It’s hard to find any other path sometimes so now that I look back, I would call it more self harm than an actual attempt because if I really wanted to check out I could’ve jumped off of the building but the pain and the misery and the stress is still there, sothere’s that but yeah it’s tough when you get to the point where you really feel there’s no way out and they’re kind of isn’t in way in a lot of cases and that’s sad part

I don't think I wanna live past my 30s or 40s

The sad part of this is that this poor veteran, who honorably served our country cannot get the mental health help he needs, but folks who just walk over our border and get right on the Medicaid system get all the free care and help they need!! I hope this lady is taking this seriously, because things can change quickly when you have depression!

I'm struggling with self-harm since I was 15 and now I'm 21 I'm am a special needs adult and I struggling badly and I see my psychiatric next Thursday I feel I need help I have been Inpatient on and off since I was 15 years old and my psychiatric therapist and my mom all said that I don't need to be hospitalized I don't know what to do

As a veteran I can say I hate the VA so much.

Jesus is the King of peace! Do you hear me! And He’s the Lord of peace! And He’s the GOD of peace! There is nothing else that can compare! Jesus is the one! Run to Him!

There is no escape from living! Once you’re born you are going to live forever! This life is a test. You must come to the realization of Truth. That there is a GOD and He loves you but you are evil as well! And GOD is good, righteous and Holy. And you must come to the conclusion that you are a sinner and not so good as you think you are. You must have a change of mind of how you are living your life. Because everything is going to be brought up good or bad in Judgment on that day. And GOD provided a way to be saved and cleansed of your old ways of living and thinking. And Jesus is thee way!

Miss couple of your show

The thing about Suicide is all up to the person who's Suicidal. Not much can be done by the love ones. Only talking to Vets is his only other option.

Im surprised the question is about how to make herself feel better instead of “how can i help my husband”

Stop treating him with lack of respect

First we have to pray to our Heavenly Father for His Protection. It is a spiritual battle. Then to ask GOD to show us specifically- what to do ! JESUS! CALL UPON JESUS! ONLY HE HEALED ME !!

Does anyone know if he called the show?

Does anyone else think that if they kill them self they won’t actually die ? I keep getting that thought when I attempt to.

Have him eat a dozen Chocolate Primatali chili peppers. He will forget all about self harm.

So sad.

Betrayal Al it’s worse not looking after people who serve the country.. the government sux

The sad truth is you can't help him. You will burn yourself out trying to do everything for someone you love. They need professional help as soon as possible. You can lead a horse to water...

🙏💔

Jesus understands suicide and tells tired people to come to Him.

PRAY FOR HIM‼️‼️‼️ SUICIDE IS A SPIRIT ‼️‼️‼️ PRAY AGAINST IT IN JESUS NAME‼️

😢

Ok. Let’s talk about the title. How do I help him. Maybe not the best sentence to follow my husband is suicidal

Call the cops tell them he’s dangerous and armed and they will take care of him

Get life ins on him at least lol

The pain is real. Depression sucks.

Just lost someone yesterday to suicide, wasn't too close to him but he was my best friend brother. I used to cut his hair and never expected him to do what he did. It hurts a lot but aint nothing compared to the pain that his family is going through. Suicide will never be an easy way out. You leave behind way more problems and issues for your family rather than "helping them" by leaving them. Talk to someone, be open about your feelings, let all of your emotions out. Get out of that dark place and walk alongside the people that love you through the tough journey.

"if he calls in we'll move him to the front of the line" I love how Dr. John puts first things first and cares so much.

28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. 30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light. MATTHEW 11:28-30

This may sound strange, but Psilocybin therapy has been incredibly useful to veterans who are suicidal. Incredible statistics of success. For anyone going through this, seriously look into it. It will be legal in Colorado in 2024.

So sad. Why isn’t he hospitalized after trying so many times? Suicidal ideation is bases for inpatient treatment. They need to protect him from himself, until they can figure out a plan with meds and therapy.

Oh he's a veteran, the poor man probably has ptsd. They font do enough for veterans/soldiers. He's probably having terrible flash back on what he saw and what happened.

Hope deferred make the heart sick as the Bible states. Suicidal people are spiritually/emotionally sick and have a fading hope or none at all. Please reach out to someone, a professional or loved one. Pain is inevitable and we must respond to it better. Change your routine, change your environment. Do something different, go somewhere different, be someone different so you could invite more hope in your life

He needs to be seen or admitted immediately. He’s going to do it because ptsd (from the military) does not easily go away. It eats away at you every day if it is not intervened. His family may be in danger too. This needs to be addressed immediately by a highly trained and skilled psychologist or psychotherapist. A regular person/family members talking with him will not suffice. I cannot stress this enough. One thing his wife can do though is to remind him that he is not in Afghanistan or Iraq anymore. That it’s safer back here at home.

The only way you can Endure this life is that you have to have God in your life! You might think everything is fine now. But wait! Trouble is coming for everyone! It’s just a matter of time! Ultimately if you don’t have Jesus then you have nothing! And you won’t last! Because He (Jesus) is life!

Be really careful suggesting that the suicidal person should not be allowed to talk. That is probably the WORST advice I have ever heard in a case like this. John what are you doing here bro?

My husband was a veteran and killed himself in a VA facility. If you see this, understand you cannot depend on them to keep him safe and unfortunately there's nothing you can do to stop him. So get him help. If I had been able to get mine admitted to the state hospital he would still be alive. Mine was also borderline personality disorder but do everything you can. The fact that he's willing to get treatment actually makes it harder for him to get what he really needs but I hope you're more successful at figuring that out than I was.

I wonder if she actually did something and just isn’t saying anything about it

Why was he not hospitalized I don't understand. Sounds like he's in a dangerous place. People can't always "reach out" in those dark places. So many options now for depression that there wasn't in the past. EMDR, magnetic stimulation of the brain(covered by insurance) ketamine, etc.

My wonderful, perfect boy friend is dealing with this terrible illness, and I'm so angry 'cause he doesn't deserve this. He is the best person I know, I wish I could punch depression right in the face. I've never had violent thoughts before, but if I could actually take it down, I would do so highly effectively. My boyfriend is everything you'd want a man to be, and I don't understand how this could be happening to him. So in case you don't know this for yourself, YOU ARE LOVED. You are cherished, and special, and deserving of so much more. I want you to know that the voice in your head saying the world would be better off without you is a LIAR. You can and will get over this. There is so much more behind the corner for you, so much you couldn't expect or dare to wish for. You are every bit as capable of finding joy and happiness in this life as anyone else, even though the situation might feel hopeless now. You are NOT the problem. Something is happening to you, but it's outside of you. Your loved ones want to be there for you, so let them. You are going to see this through. Sending you a massive hug

Dr.John , do you accept calls from Canada? My daughter died by suicide in 2021 and my son lost the only person he believed he could talk to. He is an addict and wants to die. Sometimes I feel maybe he should, for his sake, for his 2$4 year old girls who he can’t see cause of meth use and for my mental health:::shameful! Mentally I have BPD and depression. How do I fix myself to help him?

My mother committed suicide in 04 she was schizophrenic I get the people want to be out of pain and they get the break it’s the family that’s left behind that spends the rest of their lives picking up the broken pieces and trying to survive.. it’s such a selfish act.

Do we have any update on them?

That’s hard. I pray this man is making progress.

Let's take a bunch of tax dollars that are spent on people buying Icee's, and Cheetos on EBT, and pump the VA so our soldiers can get the help they need. Too many military men, and women are affected by PTSD. I can't imagine what it would feel like to go through that.

You cannot stop him.if he wants to do it, he does. My husband hung himself. nobody could do anything to save him. It was his decision.

Why does the husband want to pop his Cork???😮

My friend Maddie committed suicide Nov 14 2020 I felt the same way I broke down in tears 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I get how he feels a lot, I have those same feelings off and on but I will disagree with Dr. John on one thing, do not call 911 for someone struggling with mental health

I would get surrounded by a praying church! Not one that just does basic worship and has 0 community! They sound like they may be good for a young adult Church group as well!

Great phone call and plans. I had a boyfriend in middle school who's dad had committed suicide when he was young. Kids blame themselves and are heart broken they weren't enough and wonder if they could have shown more love to their parent who did that or if they would have behaved better. It is super heartbreaking. It leaves a whole in their heart forever... If anyone is readying this and thinking about suicide or leaving, please remember that kids would rather have a parent that isn't perfect rather than missing a parent altogether. Also, you can learn new skills, try new things and things will change as people & kids grow and develop. Also, Dr John didn't mention this, but there's nothing wrong with meds if they help, but be super careful because some that help a lot of people also backfire on others, so work super closely with a doc when trying new meds (like weekly/ daily check ins until the med & dose is right)... I have adhd, was diagnosed a year ago and meds took me from feeling like a failure 8 of 10 times throughout the day with a lot of stress and anxiety to now where I have no anxiety and realizing that if I don't get something right, I make notes and try to do better next time. Anyway, it's a total different feeling and no more anxiety. I still can't believe how much a pill can change feelings. Also along the way the doc had me take both welbtrin and Strattera and I ended in crying all day long which totally isn't like me. So I stopped both and called the doc, which is why you have to work closely with the doc while figuring out what works.

There is a book called The Mood Cure, it goes through all the Amino Acids needed for depression, addiction etc.

It's a great day John!! Even though my Husband is trying to end his life SMH..

Entrapping and tormenting someone with a contract just sounds manipulative and incredibly selfish.

so her first question is "how does she find peace" ....

Love how it's all about them. Sad people are so selfish.

Tell him to buck up and snap out of it. We are all depressed. This is America one of the lousiest countries to ever live in. Capitalist violence guns everywhere. Schools not safe for children. Health Care it Costs!!!!!! Yes depressing but one has to get on with it.😮

No man should have to fight a dragon with his bare hands

depression is so gay. quit being a sad little downer and start living