I Feel Better When My Husband’s Gone (Should I Leave?) 

When people tell you who they are, believe them.This guy already told her how it is. He's retiring to the woods. His kids mean everything to him, but he doesnt care about her. They are simply roommates. She needs to start doing what SHE wants to do.

Why would you tolerate it for 23 years & now expect him to change?

Just because you don't want a wedding, you can still go to the courthouse and get married. Yall never grew apart,yall were never together. Your a roommate.

Women have to stop doing this to ourselves. Living out these fantasies, only to realize that we're at the effect of a reality we've created. Time to move on girl.

He has checked out of the relationship a long time ago. Hes staying out of obligation.

She wasted her life with him man how sad

Bipolar is such an easy label to slap on someone when life isn’t working for them. I was diagnosed bipolar by the VA only so they could legally prescribe certain medication for continued trial and error. It was explained to me how that process works to cover their butts. That was a decade ago, guess what I did differently? Got rid of my trash husband that put zero effort into loving and understanding me and wanted nothing to do with supporting me through the struggles, no effort towards evolving on his part etc. I got off the toxic medication that was making my brain mush, I chose me, I chose my children I realized my worth and wouldn’t you know it all these emotional roller coasters stopped when I stopped begging for love, validation and effort. Emily - you are not bipolar if you’ve just now been diagnosed after years of feeling neglected and begging for bare minimum. You are in fact diagnosed as not loving yourself enough to leave… do the thing girl. Do the thing. I love you. You got this. God has SO MUCH BETTER for you in store 💪🏼❤️🙏🏼

I hate the word partner.

He’s got it made! None of the responsibility with the maid, childcare, and spicy service iykwim… of course he’s not going to address the elephant in the room! Something I’ve learned is not the end of the world but infact is a valuable TOOL is setting boundaries with “no” when I get the feeling. Bipolar..? Or is this a reaction to the toxic environment? Marilyn Monroe had a therapist too yknow.. she wound up inheriting her estate. Trust your gut, girl. It’s all we’ve got.

In British Columbia, you are considered common law of you've been together two years. After that, you have to split everything 50/50.

I was in a relationship like this. Mix in having a son, where I did everything and I was never appreciated. Going out? Yeah- he would say let's go but I had to plan everything. And then he would just sit there and not communicate. I watched this man plan an entire party for his job but he could not plan time with me. I left. I saw the writing on the wall when we had discussed what we were going to do when our son went to college, as in we made solid plans. Our son went to college and he suddenly got really quiet and when I asked, I was told "Later, we will discuss it." Why? Because it was time for him to support my dreams and big goals and he didn't care to. Run girl! RUN FREE and be happy! My ex taught me how to live without him. I said I missed him and he would only respond with LOVE YOU all the time, but never showed me.

I feel bad for her. U can do this and make a better life for urself. It will be scary. U can do it

The guy wants peace in his life. He is not going to be the bad guy and breakup. So…

Fix the title. He isn’t a husband; he’s a long term boyfriend that likes having you around for comfort and doesn’t want anything more. They’ve grown apart because they never grew together. There was no commitment, no dreams together, no teamwork…he does what he wants, and he assumes you’ll stick around because you always have.

i hope this is your beginning of her healing journey where she ll start to put herself first and stop putting up with bs and neglect and move on with grace with her life and find her happiness

He got his plan set up…pick you and start living!

I'm in the same situation. 5yrs. He leaves in the morning and hangs out with his friend all day. Deer hunting, fishing, whatever. He knows more about his friends gf than he does about me cuz he's always down there at their house. I think he's probably sleeping with her. He comes rolling in every night expecting a clean house, dinner, and sex. He wakes up, leaves.... rinse & repeat. He says "I'm just wide open. You have to stop me and say this is what we have planned, and I'll be there". We've went out to eat once the first month we dated by ourselves. Every time he's randomly popped up and said let's go out to eat, he calls his friend and his friends gf to go with us. We are never alone together. I know exactly how she feels and girl we deserve better. We deserve to be put FIRST. We deserve to feel like we are a priority in their life. Leave this man!!! I packed his stuff in his truck last night and left his keys in the front seat for him. I suggest you do the same. Someone will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Ik you wanted it to be him but he's a Narcissist that's incapable of caring about anything other than himself. Good luck Emily❤

Dump him. Sounds like you married my ex, you poor thing. Get away and get ALIVE! You'll thank yourself endlessly.

Everything aside - anybody who goes on 4 fishing trips in a single summer needs to get his priorities straight lol.

“I feel better when my husband’s gone” In the first 20 seconds: “we never got married”

Emily, you need to see a therapist. You need someone to talk to who listens. You need help plotting a course forward.

I’m going through a separation and these videos and his advice and how matter of fact he is are really validating and helpful. He is awesome! In Canada you are common law after six months living together, btw 😊

This is exactly why you deal with past trauma, insecurity issues etc... before starting a relationship. When our head is clear, spirit is right and eyes are wide open we make better decisions and use discernment. This dude never had to change for her, but she needs to heal and grow!

In Canada all provinces have laws regarding Common Law relationships, if she is serious she needs to see a lawyer first to find out what her options are. This is important especially when children are involved.

He’s very selfish so I procreated with him? I don’t understand that logic

Dating people for 23 years is insane! If he likes it he’ll put a ring on it

The typical assumption of what Bipoar is makes my head spin. Many people with that diagnosis function very well with and without medication. Not everyone is a screaming out of control person who runs naked down the street. There are two different types of dipolar now. Bipolar 1 and Bipolar 2. They are each treated quite differently because their is a difference in the symptoms and there severity.

There is a difference between a husband and long term boyfriend. He sounds like long term boyfriend. Some men expect women to live in a fantasy land so they won't see how bad of a husband they are

Why would she miss him?🤔 Sounds like he’s a selfish nightmare.

A big sign to me is that they never got married. Commitment issues. There is no such thing IMHO as a 19 year engagement. If you don't have a reasonably close wedding date, then IMO you don't have an engagement but are just living together.

This guy is 100% the guy who says "it didn't see it coming"/"I don't know what happened" post divorce Yes she went along with his selfishness, but he did NOTHING to build up the relationship. Nothing when she complained.

I really hope if people actually ending up calling back or giving an update on how things are going that they post those videos

Ok but ladies can wr agree to stop begging for the bare minimum?

She should lecture on how to be the best ever people pleaser

They are common law married.

In Canada after 1 year of living together you are common law under the law. Its easier. You prove you paid bills / contributed to the household. He is still made to pay support for children and divide assets. Including for a home even if her name is not on the deed. I am unsure if a spouse is entitled to pension if the partner dies but possibility if they claimed common law on their income tax.

It can be hard to live with a bipolar person. If she has trouble expressing herself to him in a way he fully comprehends, she may want to try marriage counseling before splitting. Marriage gets tough around the 20 year mark. If they can get through and grow during this time, it will be stronger. Never marrying is a huge red flag.

Selfishness n not married ....move on

Sheesh! 23 yrs together with kids and no ring?! Wtf, yall just playing house. Also Imagine camping as a vacation every time. Sometimes thats even more work than staying home, especially with kids.

Dump him, he doesn't care about you

Thank you for my daily reminder to not get married

Everyone is feeling sorry for the man but She could be the problem too…

I'm Camadian after 2 years living common law the same rules apply in a break up as if you were married. It's a cohabitation law 4:03

Ladies, stop being the crash test dummy “girlfriend”. Keep legs closed.

Lady take some accountability There comes a time where you have to say enough is enough

husband is a bore ; fishing, camping what a dud; man who really doesn't like or need women. Dump him and find a real friend to have a relationship with who wants to be with you.

When will women learn? Men stay because it's convenient. He's getting a blow-up doll, cook, housekeeper, and child care worker. Why would he give that up?

Common law in Canada depends on the province, in Quebec there is no common law however in the other provinces there is

Less analysis and more communication. Take responsibility for your feelings and your life.

This poor girl

She’s going to stay and settle. They always do unfortunately.

Well hopefully this woman finds the happiness she seeks. For all the young men out there please listen to this call. This is exactly the kind of life you should be setting up for yourself. Determine what makes you happy and find a woman that compliments your life. If after 20 years she no longer wants what you want that is okay, be respectful and graceful and help her transition to a life that doesn't include you. No one is going to help you find happiness, there are no 1-800 numbers for you, no months celebrating you, no government assistance. Find yourself, make a good happy life and if you are lucky to find a woman who wants to share in that, great. Good luck.

In Canada, after 3 years of common-law, it is considered the same as marriage and the assets are split. If a couple adopts a child, then it's only 1 year.

Women can plan trips also. He's planned trips that you don't like so plan one that you like and tell him. Guys get tired of planning every trip and date forever.

Stop,stop, stop!! They’re in Canada in a Common Law Marriage and the law behaves the same as if married. And to that point divorce is very difficult and somewhat archaic in Canada. Do not get married in Canada or move there while married unless you completely understand what happens in divorce there. Many people are simply not getting married or divorced in Canada because they simply can’t afford to get divorced. Living Common Law you may think you are skirting the law but you are not. These people are trapped!!

She does know she didn’t have to have a wedding, right? That’s just the party. What does she expect? She made it super easy to not have to commit to her. Of course he’s not gonna change, he never had to prove his love to begin with. It’s SOO COOL to be bohemian & not married on paper until it isn’t

Dr John, a lot of people don't get married in Quebec. Legal rights are not the same as when you are married. This has to do with the silent revolution against the Catholic church which oppressed many French Quebecois people. Some see marriage as a religious thing. This also helps many men to cop out of commitment. It suits them fine. It depends on your ethnic background too. Montreal has many ethnicities, some get married. Its very common not to get married and it's really really really lame.

My common law husband and I been together for 11 years and I’ve never in my entire life cared to get married. lol never . We commonlaw married in Texas and that’s good enough lol so I understand her point . I never grew up and wanted to get married and have the wedding , can care less lol and my partner good with that lol so we just living life on the edge 😅😂 BUT we don’t have these problems . We date and things . I’ve also suffered from bipolar depression since I was 16 and I took medication , hated it and been on this journey since . I’m 30 now .. it’s hard but I’ve been better throughout my years . My partner has Asperger’s I think that’s why this works lol 😅 we are complete opposite but we compliment each other so well.. Emily , it’s time to move on sis .

I think the problem is that she expected her 23 year long situationship-with-kids to function like a marriage in spite of the fact that she rejected the idea of marriage 23 years ago.

Dr John delony, thank you. Love From Australia ❤

That man hasn’t changed. Women just need everything

This sound like me im just married for 11 years

I’m a camper but my husband has refused to go in the years we’ve been together. It upsets me that he doesn’t do what I want to do. You need to tell him that if things don’t change you’re leaving

Dear Emily; You made this bed and it’s a terrible thing to realize you got what you went along with. The past doesn’t have to be your future. Also, he really doesn’t sound like a monster, he’s a good dad, he didn’t run when you told him that you are bipolar, and maybe your thinking is off due to the new medication. Deep breath and slow down.

It's 12 months in canada for common law

Sounds familiar 😢 Bye, bye.

Just go to the court and get a “declaration of informal marriage” it’s a single paper you sign. You are both married for all intents and purposes. He should do things you like to do too .. maybe leave . I’m considering it

She wasted her time and youth.

So many couples get to this point

She finally realized she wasn’t going to be a victim as she had been. Sometimes it takes that long to see. Going through the motions, truly believing there is no alternative. Coming out of that mindset is terrifying but it’s the path to a life you chose not just endure

She seems like a nightmare

There is a lot of stigma when the women leaves a marriage . Family puts pressure to stay. I left my marriage because it was necessary for my mental health. My parents labeled me divorced and did not forgive me or understand. The woman is considered to be obligated to stay.

Thanks for such fascinating content! Your channel is a real treasure on RU-vid!💝💝 % 🖤*

She's accountable. They have kids? Just a lot of bad decisions. Is she just realizing it now?

Dr. Deloney. She bought books. "Even got *yours* about the Non-Anxious Life". "Even" 😂 sorry, that cracked me up. "You go camping. I'll hit the resort. Kids can pick between those 2. Have fun camping alone, Babe! We can sign D papers when we get back. Good times are sure to be had: your way, but I don't have to keep dragging myself around by the leash of the non-marriage that makes me this uncomfortable." "You don't have to respect my perspective in this partnership, but I can." Besides, you don't even need D papers!! This is awesome!! By refusing to marry you he saved you $8-15,000 to decide who gets what. You'll still need to spend a bundle about custody arrangements, and expect a mess of his rage because this might come as a shock to him even though you have been begging for this for a decade at least probably. Definitely start imagining yourself as the one fighting for you: in it all the way - for you because you are you - not because you go along to get along. My best friend, Elizabeth, used to say: "only dead fish go with the flow". You feel like a dead fish because he has killed your self esteem. But you kept signing up to camp in misery. Why keep signing up for that? Why not say: please go camp with friends who also like that sort of thing. I'll go resort hotel or VRBO with friends who like more sophosticated ways to relax. That way we are both hapoy with our vacations. And relaxed when we return, with that happiness. To share with one another. Do you feel like he isn't interested in sharing or even finding or providing your happiness? "Relationships are reciprocal." ( - "the college chic" from the film American Pie) And our relationship with anybody else can be a reflection of that we have with ourselves. You aren't sticking up for your happiness. Why should he?

I can tell that this husband will not come around, she needs to leave for her own peace. She said "I just want to matter" NEGLECT IS ABUSE AND SHE NEEDS TO LEAVE

She said it clear, I need someone to tell me im right..Women..

John Delony seems bitter these days but anyways girl go he don't want you. How many ways does he need to say it. Saying "I" while expressingnyourself who doesnt care about you is going to be humiliating. You'll be fine let him take the kids until you get on your feet.

Caller: I’m bipolar and suffer with anxiety and depression. My partner is the problem. It’s clear he’s done and had enough. 🤷‍♂️

Feel bad for the poor husband. 23 years with this loon and the guy just wants to go into the woods to find some peace. Unfortunately he can't even do that without her complaining.

People need to stop thinking that people will change after marriage. They have to want to make the change. Sounds like he is selfish and he’s only there for the children. Time to move on.

Should've titled this, "Now you know how men feel." Ever wonder why we sit in our garage for 10 minutes and wait to come inside?

Lady, you had no self respect. That's why you shacked up for 23 years. You don't respect you. And he doesn't respect you either.

The man she's talking about sounds more like someone who was manipulative and emotionally abusive.... I don't have a good feeling about him whatsoever. He should have manned up and left knowing her heart was his.

What has SHE done to improve the relationship or deal with her own flaws? What negative contributions has she made? How strong are her communication skills? Clearly there are issues...she expects him to act as if they are married but he acts as if he has no commitment to her (which he doesn't, and which she is finally tired of.). But we don't know from his side what she does/doesn't bring to the relationship, either.

This is a great example of taking control of your life instead of letting the wind take your sailboat wherever. She should talk to her boyfriend instead of calling in.

Just tell him you're ready to get married..he'll run out of there next week lol. Problem solved

Yikes, caller if you’re reading the comments PLEASE leave and stop wasting your time. You sound just like my mom, except she made the worst decision to stay with my abusive dad. My dad sounds like her husband, except much worse. He would hit us, scream, threaten, scare, and bully. I’m 27 and she divorced him 2 years ago. Unfortunately the damage has been done. My brother is a drug addict and a dead beat, no career, dropped out of school, games all day and has no respect for anyone. My mom is narcissistic just like my dad now, not sure if she has been her whole life or being around my dad made her this way, but even after my dad is gone she continues to also bully and harass me with her emotional outbursts. And my emotional and mental issues are through the roof, I also struggle with drugs and confidence issues. I’m in a dead end minimum wage job with no courage to pursue anything because I’m so burnt out and tired from life. Every night I pray that I don’t wake up so I dont have to continue living this lonely existence. I never stood a chance from day one. Don’t make the same mistake my mom did, for the sake of your kids.

He doesn't read about the bi polar, because he's lived with this the way it is for so long. The coupled, that it was great for two years... never got married, and then just decided, "this is good here"... I don't think there is anything going on that hasn't been going on before. I just think these people are living life on fly paper, which is awful, because it means BOTH of them have stopped growing. But this is how most people in long term relationships who stop growing are... Most people think marriage or coupling for life means that you just get in and that's it...come hell or high water you stick in there no matter how little the sex, respect, or emotional intimacy is lacking. The problem is that you can't live life like that! You HAVE to keep doing something different, growing, especially with the more people you add to the mix. Now he's there till the kids move and then what? Everyone is unhappy and or crying all day and that's that?? ugh

I’m really confused by this video. What did this man do wrong? He sounds like a good father who clearly deals with a woman that isn’t stable. He sounds like he is also seeking peace by going fishing. As far as I can tell he works and pays the bills. She was too hesitant with saying they split the bills for me to believe it. He doesn’t sound like a cheater or abuser and I think she should explore what she can do to help their relationship.

My husband grew up in household with a bi-polar mother. All the things this woman is complaining about, being a victim, her husband is at fault. Never taking responsibility for her “reactions” She is not describing what her reactions were/are truly like. Horrendous I’m sure, which makes him run away. Reading books doesn’t change her, effort and medication do. It was a horrible experience growing up in that mess. Adult TRAUMA!

She's wrong about common law in Canada. We have common law marriage and you are considered common law after 1 year living together (or less if you have a child together). There would be just as many rights as if they were narried.

She’s what you call the “cool girlfriend”. The cool girl who does whatever to keep a man.

I am this person except for some details. She wants the life with the kids and her home and she misses what she had with the partner. But he has told her he is done with her. That is hard to hear when he is physically in the house still. The bipolar thing just brought the situation out in the open. Growing up I learned you do anything to stay in the relationship. My father was the same, everything was what he wanted. Mom was bipolar but he did try to learn about it and work with it.

I feel like there needs to be the man’s side of this. That being said, there’s a reason why you shouldn’t move in with someone unless they ACTUALLY married you.

Oh my god this guy got a free maid to take care of his kids with absolutely no commitments...she knew what she was getting into and was tolerating it for so long...just quit the job and retire...expecting a change from your boss wil never happen after all these years.

she got to a certain point and it's absolutely not working at all...minimal before. in the beginning, she must have settled for this---who knows why. as a late, great therapist once told me "go back to the beginning and there's the answer".

Imagine if they did get married wouldn't her situation be worse

Ya don’t have to wear a “wedding dress” you can just go to the courthouse

In Canada, generally if you live together at least 2years, everything is split 50/50. Like you’re married. It’s not his fault. She agreed to a relationship with no commitment. She was his unpaid housekeeper and hoor. He promised nothing and owes her nothing. Now she’s complaining.